


Lines that Blurred

by RachielDen



Series: Lines in the Sand [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Anger, Angst, Comedy, Comic Relief, Cussing, Death, Demons, Different Realms, Emotion pain, F/M, Fear, Fighting, Fluff, Fun, Hate, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Control, Love, No shame, Not tagging a lot because it gives things away, Oh it took a dark turn guys, Panic, Physical Pain, Potential Spoilers, Smut, Something light to take my mind off stuff, THERE WAS ANOTHER ONE I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT, Torture, Violence, War, alright i'm a straight up liar because there is another, care-free attitude, fast burn, haha! I lied, i think I'm done now, okay three cause Elvhen, other tags to be added... maybe, possibly four because Antiva, references to other games, sex puns, starts in Mass Effect, there is another tag, two languages english and bad english
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-06-09 03:31:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 45
Words: 222,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15258480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachielDen/pseuds/RachielDen
Summary: One world, two world, new world, old world.I went from explosions and relays to quiet huts in the forest and chamber pots. One wrong decision and I was cast adrift in the Multi Verse. Good thing? Bad thing?Well I can say it has been a bit of both, but things are starting to look really, really ugly.Like for instance... how do you lose control of your own body? Don't know? Join the club.





	1. Please Tell Me That Didn't Just Happen

**Author's Note:**

> Ever have that thing where you get massive writers block and sit and stare at a wall for hours looking for inspiration. And then you read a book or watch a movie and something sparks inside of you and you're off on a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STORY THAN ANY OTHERS YOU CURRENTLY HAVE?! BECAUSE ITS NOT LIKE YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH IN YOUR LIFE??
> 
> No? Well it happens to me all the time. 
> 
> I've been at this for a few days almost non-stop and I've enjoyed writing it. Like the character switch and her care-free attitude. The main character feels different than I normally write and its a huge relief to get away from the normal. Of course that is just my perspective.

I sighed and stared at the Relay before me. Shepard was getting ready to do Goddess or God or string of AI code knows what and I for one was not going to get caught in the backlash. Again. No! I was getting the fuck out of this futuristic Earth and back to my quiet early 21st century Earth where Ramen was not a fucking delicacy.

            I never should have made that deal with the dude at the bar. Trading Grandmama's necklace to that douche for the chance to explore other realms? Yeah that's been stupid. That's what I had been, drunk and stupid. Or at least that's what I wanted to believe. Truth be told I _wanted_ to get away from Earth.

            Who knew that other realities and realms existed? Not me, at least not outside of a good book or MMORPG. I hoped and dreamed that they existed but didn't really believe. Now? Now all I wanted to do was go home and I'd been so close for so long.

            Mordin. Mordin was the key to figuring this shit out. He was a hard Salarian to track down but fuck me sideways I _did_ it. Even though I knew where he was going to be I always arrive too late. Well, not this time and I would be damned if Shepard was going to get me killed, or turned into half organism half machine. Whatever Shepard chose it would affect the whole galaxy, the games had been stupid like that and I'd been stuck in the middle of her gorgeous ass shaking shit since day one.

            Yeah, I'd been on the Citadel when the Reaper showed up and nearly blew it to pieces. After that I decided nope, I'm done here gonna get the hell out. Sure it was nice having strong enough biotics that I could rip through bulk heads, but what good would that do me if I was dead?

            Well it didn't exactly pan out that way. Thankfully between the brilliant Salarian and myself and the Prothean AI Vigil out on Ilos—yup got to talk to him before he went dark—I managed to create a device that would allow me to jump through to a different reality of my choosing. Mordin had been fascinated by the possibilities of the Multi Verse theory and I would have taken him if he hadn't…

            I wiped a tear from my eye. That singing Salarian had stolen my heart during game two and damn it, it hurt more to watch him die in real life.  

            "No time like the present." I whispered as I leaned forward and fiddled with the FTL drives. I had to be mid jump through the Relay's when I turned it on. I probably had only one chance before the EZO core burnt out and I fried my neural synapses. Whatever, if I lived, if I died… it didn't matter. I just wanted to go _home_. Where bacon was still a thing.

            I'd been here for _years_ and I wasn't sure what new things existed on Earth, or if the time lines were the same. If they were then thank Bob I was going to die well before being subjected to element zero and well before Prothean tech was discovered on Mars. I would be happy living out my days on an ignorant Earth where the biggest problem we had was skin color and religious fractions.

            Not crazy giant space ships made from organic races that disappeared from the galaxy and a never ending cycle of death. The Reapers were so messed up it wasn't even funny and holy shit would I be glad to be to bury my head in the sand. I could go back and play video games—how close they had been to the truth was _laughable_ and I was convinced that someone—A divine being or something—was putting this information on Earth because they wanted humanity to be ready for when First Contact was initiated.

            Well I would be dead by then so score one for me!

            That and I'd be human again. I cannot tell you how weird it was to wake up and have mandibles and no hair. Turians eat, sleep, and breathe military ideals. Yeah I served, because there had been no other option. That's how I met Garrus. Nice Turian with a rebellion streak a mile wide. Helped him out a time or two when he was Archangel on Omega. That had been fun as hell.

            And the first time Mordin had slipped through my fingers. Yeah, I had been too slow and too infatuated with Garrus to go looking for him. To give me credit, once Shepard arrived and I _knew_ Mordin would be on the ship it was too little too late because her gorgeous red headed self moved quickly when she got an idea in her head.

            That's how I knew that I needed to get out of this realm and back to my own time as soon as possible. Because Jane Shepard was a force to be reckoned with and so help me I didn't want to see her face ever again outside of my TV screen.

            "Please work." I pleaded as I flicked the switch. My fingers flew over the control boards as I prepped the sequence to connect to the Relay. Once I was in transit it was a simple— _not_ but I worked hard to _make it simple_ —flick of a switch to turn on the sub reality field that would hone in on the slight variation in my DNA—I checked yes it exists—and toss me back into my reality. Once there it was only a matter of drifting back to Earth and hiding the ship in the bottom of the ocean because I would not be responsible for our jump in technology that would bring us closer to destruction.

            Mordin was so brilliant and most of this had been his idea. I had no clue how to go about any of this.

            "Mordin I swear I will never forget you." I breathed out as lightning started to swirl around the Relay. My fingers moved to increase the speed of my little pod. "Thank you old friend."

            My little ship jumped and rattled as the connection was made. As soon as the stars blurred into lines I knew that I was going fast enough for the field to take effect. Reaching out I turned the switch to the 'on' position—I'd heard no end of shit from Mordin about that—and held my breath.

            That's when the lights on the control panel started going wild. Bright red lights started flashing at me and to be bluntly honest I panicked. Buttons were mashed—I was _not_ a piolet—and the sub reality device at my feet gave off a loud annoying sound. Hope surged, Mordin said that it would probably do that.  

            The ship continued to jolt around. It was getting so bad that I thought it was going to fall to pieces. When suddenly a planet was around us and 'Collision imminent' started blaring over the speakers.

            "Bitch!" I screamed as I took manual control of the ship. Tears welled up in my eyes as silver blonde hair fell into my vision and I had five fingers on each hand again. "I did it! Mordin you handsome Salarian if you were here I'd kiss you!"

            Then a glacier shot into existence around me and I blacked out upon impact.

 

Groaning I pushed myself from the wreckage. The ship had been small and I was okay with losing it. I knew that I couldn't keep it once I got back to Earth but damn if it didn't make it harder to dispose of it.

            Turns out it wasn't a glacier I hit, but a mountain covered in snow. Somehow the ship had held together and the seat belt saved my life. Who knew?

            And I would have to do it all myself because humans were greedy bastards that would sneak a piece or two of this tech and then I'd be fucked and it wasn't going to go down like that.

            A smile lit my face. My hands touched the skin of my cheeks and ran through my hair. I was home. I never thought I'd be here again. I stashed money—purchased with credits from collectors of ancient currency—for this purpose. Hopefully I was somewhere in Europe. That's where I'd been when I left the first time and it would be so cool if I could just pick up where I left off.

            I picked up a piece of the outer hull and threw it toward the rest of the wreckage. Sighing I ran my fingers through my hair again and started to gather it up into a messy bun. Hair was nice but I forgot about how time consuming it was to—

            "Oh no what the fuck is!" I broke off and patted the side of my head. Ears, longer than normal and _pointy_. "No no no no nononononono _nonononononono_!" The words slurred together as I ran. I don't know where I was going but I needed to find something reflective. A mirror a shard of glass or ice.

            Ice was prolific in this area. The trees grew tall and snow covered everything in sight. Smoke curled lazily in the distance and… wooden hut.

            I don't know where I was, but this sure as hell wasn't early 21st century Earth. This was no Earth as I knew it.

            "Fucking hell."

            Well, I probably wasn't going to find a mirror here. What I probably would find—and be lucky to find—would be a piece of polished brass or silver. Because a wooden wagon and horses were kicking around the hut that stood dozens of yards away from me. I forced my eyes to close and slowly started to count backwards from fifty. Ten wasn't going to cut it here. I had tried, and failed, to return home and while I'm sure she didn't mean to do it, Shepard was the source of my distress again.

            She'd destroyed the Relay's while I had initiated the travel and through that the desired destination had been altered. I was in a different reality were elves existed.

            There goes my theory about some divine creature planting video games—or some of them—on Earth to prep us for the future. Because this sure as hell wasn't the future. This was the distant past, the steam engine hadn't even been created yet. Were video games simply doors into other realities? Or were those realities born _because_ of the video games?

            "Who knows?" I shrugged. It was better to get information on where I currently was than debate up on my strange existence born of realm hopping.

            Slowly I took stock of what was at my disposal. Gently I ran my fingers across the base of my skull. That had been where the biotic implant had been.

            _Had been_ because it was gone. Well it seems that when I hopped realities I not only gain a different appearance but any modification to the old body vanished as well. I lifted my shirt and peered at my stomach. Though it seems some things from my original body followed me no matter what happened.

            Shirt. I had new clothes. My skin was pale, scantly darker than the snow that surrounded me. I was shorter than I had been, and definitely more delicate than a Turian could ever hope to be. No, Turians were bad asses with an exoskeleton and razor sharp teeth. My teeth were blunt and straight.

            Back on Earth I had several tattoos and a piercing or two. It had been mind therapy. Shit hit the fan? Get a tattoo. Rent's late? Shove a piece of metal through my eyebrow. I'd spent a lot of money on these things and I was slightly upset that it seemed I still did not get them back. It wasn't something that I could have done as a Turian because the tattoo needle wouldn't have penetrated my skin.

            I could start over here, I guess. At least there wasn't anything here that was screwing with my existence. No giant AI ships hell bent on ending all space fairing civilizations to create a new Reaper.

            I didn't think I was getting out of this reality. Not with how the technology here looked. Which was nonexistent. Sighing I pushed the shirt down and started toward the hut and hopefully the people inside.

            I shivered in the snow, my clothes not stopping the ice cold wind. It cut through me like I was made of paper and when I made it the short distance to the house I was positive that my white skin was blue and my lips would be purple.

            It burned to knock on the door. Hope bubbled up again when I heard movement on the inside of the building. When it opened I saw a large male, human—so they did exist. He took up most of the opening and when his gaze settled on my ears his eyes hardened.

            "What do you want stranger?" His voice was deep and brooked no argument. The heat that flowed past him brushed over my skin and I sighed in relief. I didn't care if he was a racist asshole, I would work off any food or clothing he could spare. My body almost collapsed but I forced myself to stay upright. I'd been through worse and snow was not going to stop me. His gaze softened when he took a moment to gaze at the rest of me.

            "I can work." I stuttered out, teeth chattering on every syllable, "I am lost and food and clothes would be appreciated."

            He didn't even sigh at me, just nodded and stepped back. "What kind of work can you do?"

            Pretty much anything. From fixing the drive core of a ship to cooking. "All kinds." I walked inside his house. I expected less than what he had. The room was warm. A merry fire crackled along one wall and a pot of bubbling stew hung over it. There were not individual rooms, it was just one large space. A wall jutted out and cast a shadow. That must have been where his bed was. There was a rough wooden table and chairs off to one side. Herbs hung from the ceiling. Tools were propped up against the walls.

            And he lived alone. There was no one else here but him, and only one bowl on the table. He had not been expecting company.

            A blanket smacked into my back and I gasped as it hit bare skin. What the actual hell? I had a shirt on and—I swiped my hand across my back. It was apparently reduced to tatters. Quickly I wrapped the blanket around me and stood in the center of the room.

            "What brings you out this far?" He asked as he pulled another bowl from a cupboard. He filled it with stew and set it across from his bowl. His accent was so slight it almost wasn't there.

            "I'm not sure." I stated as I sat across from him. Once he started to eat again I tucked into the food. It was better than expected. Not quite as bland as I thought it would be. Flavor exploded on my tongue on the second bite and a strange meat that tasted delicious.

            "Not sure?" He asked, eyeing me closely.

            Now see… this is one of the parts I hated most about realm hopping. You had to fabricate a back story. And I wasn't all that creative. So should I just go with amnesia? Probably.

            "Honestly?" I replied as I gazed back at him, refusing to blink or look away. "I can't remember. I just… snow and cold." I shrugged and took another bite.

            "You have a name?" His tone was cautious. Normally I would have given him the name I'd gone by on Palaven. Though something told me that Nitana was not a good name for this place. Surely something more along the lines of Rachel or Miranda would fit better.

            "I…" slightly shaking my head, best to pretend I didn't have one, "don't know."

            He nodded as if I gave the right answer. "Fair enough." He glanced toward a window. "Its getting late, you'll start work in the morning. I warn you, I'll work you hard."

            _Phrasing_. I almost giggled at him but somehow managed to stop in time. "I would expect no less, sir."

            Ah… military life. Sir and Ma'am drilled into your every waking being.

            He grunted, "Name's Stefan. No need to call me sir just cause you're an elf."

            Confusion wound through me, why exactly would I call him sir because my ears were pointed?

            "Of course, si-Stefan."

            "You can take the bed." So he wasn't racist after all. I would have thought he give me the floor. "I'll wake you when it's time to start."

 

Stefan did not lie, he worked me very hard. Soon the snow melted and spring took root. A garden was planted and occasionally Stefan would leave me alone for days at a time. I gained his trust and he allowed me to stay.

            He showed me how to do many things, from riding and shoeing a horse to shooting a bow. He taught me how to skin an animal and to set snares for rabbits. It wasn't very often but he would come home with a strange deer like creature. I learned to preserve meat and how to live off the land. I felt very much like a pioneer.

            I think he liked the company. Still I didn't know where I was, it seemed strange to ask. How would I know if I couldn't remember anything?

            He gave me a name, something he debated on long and hard. Finally he settled on Luna. He blushed slightly when he gave it to me but stated that it fit my pale appearance. It did. Once, when I said I couldn't remember how I looked, he took me to a lake that was nearby.

            It was… disturbing. My hair, I knew was silver blonde, but I wasn't aware of my features or the color of my eyes. Everything was pale. My skin never darkened even though I worked every day in the sun next to Stefan. My eyes were a pale blue. Stefan compared them to the ice in the south, on mountain tops that were forever covered in snow. I had high cheek bones and a straight petite nose. A steep cupid's bow claimed my upper lip and a full lower lip completed the picture. I was stunning, and it scared me. A face like mine drew attention, and I didn't like attention.

            Summer replaced spring and he celebrated a particular day he called Summerday. It was marked by a larger than normal dinner and music. Something that he rarely did. He pulled out a small flute and played several songs, his fingers nimble across the instrument.

            The holiday was… strangely familiar but I couldn't remember specifically where it was from. It was so generic it could have come from anywhere.

            Then war came. It didn't spill into our household like it had so many others. Stefan heard of it while visiting the local village for supplies. That's when he taught me hand to hand combat. But I already knew. I wiped the floor with him, sort of. My body didn't move like it had while I was a Turian. I was limited, and my punches lacked the power they normally had. But he didn't beat me.

            "Where'd you learn that?" He asked as I helped him up.

            I smiled sadly down at him, "I don't-"

            "Remember." He nodded and laughed, "Well Luna you'll just have to keep me safe."

            He wrapped his arms around me and planted a kiss on the top of my head. I would. I would keep him safe forever. Stefan was a good man, a kind man. He took me in, gave me a home and something to look forward to everyday.

 

Stefan opened the door and walked inside. I had a chunk of boar roasting over the fire and mashed potatoes waiting for him.

            "We've to go somewhere." He couldn't meet my gaze.

            "Oh?" I raised an eyebrow and crossed the room toward him. "Where are we going?" It was the first time he told me I _had_ to go somewhere. Other times it was an offer, _would you like to join me_ or _I'm headed into town, care to go for a ride_ not 'we have to go'. Like it was an obligation.

            "I've been called," he still wouldn't meet my gaze. "It isn't safe for you here, not with me gone." His tone was pleading. If he, who knew the extent of my capabilities, was insisting that it wasn't safe, something was seriously wrong.

            "Where are we going?"

            "That's it?" He looked at me finally. "No argument?" A smile pulled the corner of his lips.

            Several years of Military service drilled into me did not allow for arguments against orders. I followed and obeyed. At least… I had. Somethings were difficult to shake.

            "You wouldn't tell me to go unless it was important."

            He sighed, "I thought I was going to have to tie you up and drag you."

            "Oh no…" I smiled wickedly at him. "You could tie me up for _different_ reasons though."

            A smile that matched mine split his face and I let out a squeal of delight as he threw me over his shoulder.

 

I woke early the next morning. A quiet hiss slipped through my teeth. I couldn't remember my dreams, but they woke me often and when they did there was a fine sheen of sweat that coated my skin. Whatever my dreams were, they scared the living day lights out of me.

            Stefan lay next to me still, his body partially wrapped around mine. I flipped his arm off my bare stomach and started to dress.

            "Luna." He whispered as I stood, stomping my feet into their proper position inside the boots. They didn't fit very well but what could I expect.

            "Yes?" I turned to look at him. His brown eyes full of an emotion I didn't want to put a name too. I'd tarried too long here, I should have moved on long before but now… Now I didn't want to.

            "Promise me you'll stay safe." He looked very worried.

            "You're scaring me slightly." I chuckled as I moved back toward the bed and him.

            "Promise." He insisted.

            I blinked and regarded him evenly, "Alright, I promise. Now, what is this all about?"

            "There are talks of peace." He looked away, I didn't often inquire about what was going on in the world. I didn't want to know, because I if I know me—and I did—my stupid bleeding heart would make me do something _stupid_. "My old life has caught up with me and one of my Order has come forward asking that I attend to ensure the safety of the Divine."

            Divine?

            Again, that word niggled the back of my brain. Such a common word but… I had no idea what to do with it. So familiar but so strange. I felt that I should know what these things meant and I was angry that I didn't.

            "Very well, so let's go make the Divine safe."

            We didn't speak much after that. Most of it was dressing and quiet touches. Something had spooked the man and that spooked me. He was reserved and strong, not someone that shied easily away from obligation.

            He pulled out a new set of clothes and handed them to me. Leather, soft and supple under my fingertips. It was a very pale color. I knew it would have reminded him of me, everything about me was _pale_.

            Armor. It was armor and it fit perfectly. Meaning that he had it crafted specifically for me.

            "Here."

            I looked at him. I was fumbling with the ties for the chest piece. The pants were easy to put on, but the chest was different. It had no sleeves and cut to a 'v' shape that stopped just after the valley between my breasts. A bright blue jewel held the pieces together along with the ties. The one's that I'd been struggling with. It parted after that, flaring wide at my hips and hanging down to my knees. It would protect my back from most damage that people would inflict upon me.

            He tugged and straightened until it sat comfortably upon my shoulders. I smiled up at him and pressed a kiss to the palm of his hand.

            I slung my bow over my shoulder and tied a dagger to the small of my back. I learned that I was fast, light on my feet and not very durable when it came to taking blows. It made for poor tanking, but I was a helluva rogue.

            "How long will we be traveling?"

            "The peace talks are in little over a month." Stefan answered, "All of my Order have been issued a command to attend." He pulled a sword I'd never seen before from a section of the floor he removed moments before. A shield followed. The heralding on it looked very familiar. It looked like a two headed griffon with its wings spread wide. "The trip itself should take no more than two weeks by horse."

            I nodded slowly. There were so many things about this place that were eerily familiar and it was starting to tick me off that I hadn't figured it out yet. It felt like I had lived this life before, walking these paths and known things about this place.

            And I'd forgotten. Truly forgotten. Had I always traveled the realms? Or was it just my luck to meet that guy… what was his name…?

            "Alright." I forced a smile on my face. He did not seem very happy. Like this trip was something that should have been avoided and he didn't make the right moves to do so. "What say we get going?"


	2. Why am I Always Blacking Out?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "In my experience nothing is coincidence." His gaze turned burning and I pushed farther into the bars, "Want to know a secret?" I hissed at him. His eyes flashed once, desire for knowledge hidden in their depth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter titles will probably suck, one in like ten will probably be good.

Stefan left me alone for the first part of the morning. He wanted to get supplies for the trip south. How far south we were going I wasn't sure exactly but again, I didn't bother to ask. Somehow it felt like if I did and popped the little bubble I was in, something horrible was going to happen.

            I hadn't had any place to call home for a very long time. First I was in the military so I went where I was ordered. After I served I lived on the Citadel for a while but there were too many people and not enough places to go to get away from them. So I did what I always did, I left.

            So now that I'd found a place that was peaceful I wasn't ready to lose it. We'd go and protect this Divine character and then come right back here to our little log cabin.

            First though… I'm glad Stefan gave me a little time in the morning. I'd feigned wanting to take the snares down so the small animals we left behind wouldn't die for nothing. But I had other plans.

            Things were getting ready to go sideways, I could feel it in my gut and I was about to do something so monumentally stupid I should get an award. It felt inevitable, that despite my desire to return here something would happen, a wrench in the gears, and I'd be stuck out there with a bow and a dagger. Not really all that helpful.

            I was headed back to my little ship. I'd left something behind that shouldn't be left here. And damn it, sometimes I could be responsible; it was like pulling teeth though.

            It didn't take long until I found the area. I'd hovered for half a year here, since the war began. Yeah I had my different fighting styles under my belt, those I'd learned on Earth and those that I learned in the 22nd century. But there was something that the ship could offer that would help me in this place.

            But it might give me cancer or possibly nothing happen at all. There was roughly a two percent chance that I'd get the outcome I wanted. And the fact that I had no idea how it would interact with elf DNA.

            The ship was covered in branches and leaves until it was disguised enough that the odd passerby wouldn't instantly recognize it. It helped that the paint had mostly burned off during entry and exposure to the elements dulled the metal in some places and rusted in others. Something pinged inside me, almost as if I missed the ship.

            Shrugging off the feeling I pushed forward and dug through until I found what I wanted. Thankfully I'd never been one to second guess a decision once it was made. I committed and then agonized about it but did it anyway. That piece of my character allowed me to open the container and look at the blue glowing cylinder.

            Using my teeth I pulled the glove of my left hand and allowed it to touch my bare skin. It was mostly depleted and barely held a glow in its core. It couldn't do much damage in this state.  

            Yeah, I'm stupid. But it didn't stop me from sliding the crystal chunk back into its home and shoving it into my pack. I couldn't just _leave_ it here.

 

The trip took a little longer than two weeks. Almost three if I was brutally honest, which I normally was. The farther we traveled the more I felt as if I _knew_ this place, like I'd lived here during some long lost dream.

            But that was impossible, right? I'd grown up on Earth, born during the late 80s. Graduated from high school. I had memories of being in kindergarten. There was absolutely _no way_ I could have lived here.

            Right?

            "We are getting close." Stefan stood up in his stirrups. Mac, his horse, let out a long breath of air and shifted under him. Mac was a steady beast who could always be relied upon to keep a level head, no matter the situation. My own horse, Nelly, was a small mare. She had a little wild streak and I loved the hell out of it. She kept me on my toes. "I will go straight to the Temple."

            "You want me to go with-"

            "No." He shook his head quickly, "Why don't you head into town and get us a room at the inn?"

            I blinked twice at him before ducking my head once. This was becoming a habit and I certainly didn't approve. While I may have chosen to remain with him and try to make a life at his side, he most certainly didn't get to dictate what I did. No one did, not since I got off Palaven.

            "Right." I bit out the word and spun Nelly in a half circle. I dropped one hand off the reins. She bolted into action, breaking into a gallop that could eat miles. My name fell from his lips but I was angry. Yes I had hidden things from him, but those things had no impact on this life. Telling him would only serve one purpose. Prove how crazy I was. He would never believe that I didn't come from this reality. Everything that impacted his life I told him. Including my abilities and my strategical knowledge.

            Here he was, keeping secrets. I was not a woman who was fond of secrets. Well, all I could do was stand next to him, hoping he told me eventually. Or walk away. I'd done it before I could do it again.

            The village came into view less than an hour later. It was larger than expected. A fence made from trees jutted up into the air, the end pointed. From atop my hill view advantage I saw there were multiple levels to the village. At the center of it a large chapel like structure stood tall and proud. People milled about as if there was not a care in the world.

            Nelly took us closer, dropping down to a trot. She snorted and stepped sideways. She bucked and spun in a quick circle. She was sensing my agitation. For her sake I pushed past it and allowed it to fall from me like rain from the sky. She spun once more before calming.

            Once we were outside the gates I got off and looked around for the stables. Seeing none I tied her off to a tree, making sure she had enough slack to munch on the grass growing under foot. Snow still clung to the ground in places.

            I took the saddle off and put it on a fallen log. She didn't need to bear the burden anymore. I rifled through the saddle bags until I found my cloak. It was a deep red. I liked things of color, the more color the better.

            "Now, you stay here and be a good girl." I patted the side of her neck before emerging from the trees and walking toward the village proper. I'd find us a room and then see if there was anything I could do to help around the village. Most humans didn't appreciate elves just hanging around. Stefan insisted that we were normally segregated into an alienage or simply wandered around.

            For now though I just kept my hood up. If people couldn't see my ears they assumed I was a small human. I made my way through the throng of people. The stench here was like nothing I'd ever smelled before. It smelled like wet dog and human despair. Not a good combination.

            A building came into view, the sign one of a maiden singing. It was aptly named The Singing Maiden. I raised a brow at that but wandered inside none the less. This was familiar, so familiar I felt like I was moments from being slapped with the revelation of _where_ I was.

            "Welcome to the Singing Maiden." Someone chirped out from behind the counter, "What can I get you today."

            Forcing a smile on my face I turned to her, "You wouldn't happen to have a room available by chance?"

            Her face fell a little, "No, not since word of the Conclave spread. People have been showing up all over to see the Temple of Sacred Ashes and bear witness to what the Divine desires to accomplish."

            "Conclave?" I whispered, the smile frozen on my lips. What exactly was the purpose of this Conclave. Temple of Sacred Ashes? Now _that_ I knew. Would know it anywhere. How often had I submerged myself into this world? "How wonderful."

            I was in Thedas. And if I wasn't mistaken—

            A shock wave rocked over the building. It felt like thunder with no sound, just a sense of pressure one second and gone the next. Screams pierced the air around us, desperate cries to the Maker. Sounds of moving metal followed closely to the screams.

            "Maker!" The woman behind the bar breathed, "What was that?"

            Spinning I rushed toward the door and threw it open. My jaw hung low as I stared up into the sky. There was no missing the giant tear among the blue. A garish green color swirled 'round and 'round itself, ripping chunks of rock into the air only to throw them down moments later. Smaller chunks drifted still, not heavy enough to be cast from the gravitation force of the mass in the air.

            "Son of a-" I broke off as more soldiers rushed past me. A woman stood upon a wall and shouted orders.

            She was familiar too.

            Another woman in purple with red hair brushed past me.

            "Leliana?" I gasped, quickly snapping my mouth shut.

            And then I remembered where I'd seen the crest on Stefan's shield before. It was the mark of a Gray Warden. Quickly I rushed past the growing crowd and follow the Soldiers out of the village. Many of them were already making their way up the valley toward the Temple.

            The Temple was no longer part of this world. I could see smoke rising in the distance. If many of the cries were correct, the odd object hanging in the sky was… well it was over the Temple. And if I felt the force of the explosion from here?

            Stefan was gone along with everyone else and the Temple itself. The explosion felt like something from a Thanix gun, the ones that the Normandy had. There was no way that temple was still standing.

            My heart hurt for him. He was a good man and did not deserve this fate. There was no time to mourn right now so I shoved it to the side. Now I needed to help these people. Because despite everything that's who I'd been for as long as I could remember.

            Me and my bleeding heart.

 

I wiped the dust off of my forehead. It didn't matter; the soot clung to me and shone like a beacon against my pale skin. It coated my hair and every other part of me it could touch. It was disgusting. I was positive it was remnants of the humans in the area. Several bodies were left behind but those were burnt to a crisp. A single touch reduced them to ash.

            Adjusting the scrap of cloth over my face I continued to observe the sight below me. It'd been a day since the explosion and they'd recovered one body so far. Well… one _live_ body so far. The only one to make it out of here breathing and the soldiers were saying that she stepped out of the fade itself, with a glowing woman behind her. Or figure, though many were leaning toward woman and that said woman was Andraste herself.

            They were starting to call the survivor the cause of the problem. She may have been, she _was_ the only one to walk away from this whole situation. But I had a feeling that this world was going to face things far worse than one elven woman with a strange mark on her hand.

            And then the demons came. At first it was just a few, nothing that the soldiers couldn't handle. Until they were pouring out from the Breach and down the mountain. It was all we could do to keep them contained.

            "Move!" I shouted as I planted both feet against a demon and shoved it sideways. "If you can't keep your eyes open get the fuck of my field!"

            Spinning I dropped to a knee and loosed a volley of arrows before slinging the bow over my shoulder and gripping my dagger. Slowly, methodically I cut them down, one after another. This was no different than fighting the husks on Eden Prime or on Virmire. They were near mindless creatures with only one goal in mind. Kill. So I just had to eliminate them first.

            The human shot me an angry look and skidded past me toward the horde of demons waiting on the other side of the ridge.

            "You stupid fuck!" I screamed as I followed him. My fingers twined 'round his collar and I jerked him back. "We are retreating, so get your ass down the mountain!"

            A burning sensation filled my whole world. It radiated from a single line that swept horizontally across my back. It then multiplied into five. I let loose a wail of pain before spinning and ending the demon that did this to me.

            The pain took over and sent me under.

 

I was surprised I was awake. Or… should I be surprised I was alive? You couldn't wake up dead, so… I shrugged and started to move. Pain filled me again and I let out a hiss.

            "It would be wise to remain still." A clipped voice called out. I jerked my head up and looked around. Bars lined my view.

            "Where am I?"

            "Under the chantry," the voice called again. It was definitely male, pompous and full of themselves. Ugh. "Lucky to be alive from the tales the men are telling."

            "Lies, the lot of them." I grunted out as I rolled onto my feet. Pain rippled across my back, "That's going to be a massive scar."

            Well if I couldn't have tattoos, might as well have scars that told my stories.

            "Which? That you are lucky to be alive? Or you are under the Chantry?"

            "What? Not the bit about remaining still?" I chuckled and leaned against the bars. "Is that the survivor?"

            She had hair the color of midnight and gold skin. She was the kind of elf who traveled. Now I knew what she was. The Vallaslin covering her face marked her for Andruil. I could see the design of the bow from here.

            "Remaining still _would_ be to your benefit." The voice called. I saw a form moving just beyond the torch light. It was hard to miss the pointed ears. "That is not a lie."

            "Is it just cause you said it, _hahren_?" I jabbed, a grin splitting my face. No I was not fluent in elf but play the game enough—especially the bits that included the Dalish—and you pick up a few things. His head jerked up and I caught a faint glistening. "What's up with the eyes?" I asked quietly. They burned brightly in the dark, like animal eyes.

            They narrowed and he did not bother to answer that particular question. "Cassandra will desire to speak with you." It was strange but… I felt like I saw recognition in his eyes.

            "Pentaghast?" Too late I realized I should have kept my mouth shut.

            His gaze met mine again, "You know of her?"

            "Sure, like… 13th in line for the Nevarran throne right? Hand of the Divine and all that jazz?"

            "Jazz?"

            Son of a… can't keep my mouth shut. "A branch of music where I come from." There, not a lie but just vague enough I might be let off the hook. "Have we found anyone else alive?" My throat clenched slightly. Stefan was almost assuredly gone. He'd been at the temple when it'd gone off, or he would have found me by now.

            The man's gaze softened. "No." His voice was quiet, "Did you know anyone that was at the Conclave?"

            "Just one." I breathed, "And I'm sure he is dead now." Alright, this man was freaking me out. His softened gaze hardened at the mention of 'he'. Whatever, men get territorial over nothing and everything near them.

            No point in going back to the cabin now. I'd turn to looking for a way home. The only place to look was down the magical path, and I did not have access to magic. So, Tevinter was probably the best bet for me. Mages there weren't shackled like they were in the south.

            Only problem was, I'm an elf and elves to them are slaves. Just ask Fenris, or Leto… I'm pretty sure he still goes by Fenris. If he was alive. Oh man maybe I could talk _him_ into going with me to Tevinter. He'd possibly be down to free the slaves and start a mass of shit. I wasn't good with slavery, I was a slave to no man. So I was basically fucked.

            "Lovely." I sighed and spun to slide down the bars, "I don't suppose you have the key to let me out?"

            A mirthless chuckle met my ears, "They would not entrust a key to your cell to one such as me."

            "'Such as me'." I mocked, "Who talks like that."

            "One such as me."

            I let out a cough giggle thing, "Well… someone's certainly a smart ass."

            "Thank you."

            "Solas." Someone interrupted, "What have you discovered?" A woman.

            I was on my feet in an instant and pressed against the bars. Cassandra. It had to be her. No one else would walk like they owned the place and have the crest of the Seekers on their breast plate.

            She spared no glance in my direction and had eyes only for this Solas character. He stepped from the cell and I saw a faint dusting of brown on the top of his otherwise completely shaven head. Someone hadn't the time for their normal beauty routine. Dark circles clung under his eyes and he gave a tired sigh.

            He was tall, far taller than any elf I'd ever encountered. Other than Fenris. Someone put something in that boy's food to make him grow big and tall. And not even Fenris held a candle to this man. He had wide shoulders and a butt chin. I snickered at that. _Butt chin_.

            There were three piercing holes in each ear, though there were no rings hanging from them. His aura screamed he was a man used to being in charge though he played a meek man like no one else could. In short, this man was utterly dangerous and I think I might just be in love with him.

            A shiver ran down my spine when his ocean blue eyes swept toward me.

            A smile, slow and seductive spread over my face. Many people underestimated me just because of my looks. He looked entranced for just a moment before he blinked and turned to Cassandra.

            "There is still no change and I am unable to determine what the purpose of the mark on her is." His brows pinched down slightly, as if he was thinking deeply. "However it is quite obvious that it is connected to the Breach, it grows as the tear in the veil grows."

            Well… wasn't he just full of useful information?

            "You are an expert in the fade are you not?" Cassandra asked harshly, "Surely you know something of the events that took place."

            "I have told you all I know, Seeker." Solas drawled. Or at least it sounded like a drawl to me. To Cassandra it appeared to be something else entirely. "An expert in the fade I may be, however this is unlike anything I have previously encountered."  

            Cassandra let out a half growl and paced back and forth. "Find something Solas." She barked. The 'or else' was left unsaid. Though it was heavily implied.

            "Cassandra…" I called out softly.

            Her sharp gaze swept to me. "Ah, the other prisoner is awake." She dismissed Solas and walked toward me, "What is your purpose here?"

            "I traveled here with a man." Bluntly honest, see? "He was summoned here to ensure the safety of the Divine." I hid my smile, "It seems he was unsuccessful."

            "You would joke about this?" Cassandra truly growled now. Her hand drifted toward the handle of her sword.

            "This is no laughing matter." Solas assured behind her.

            "No," I agreed, "there is nothing to scoff at. The veil is torn and I bet the demon population is steadily increasing."

            "Do you know anything of what happened?"

            "I am but a humble elf." Maybe not _humble_ per say but I had absolutely nothing to do with this. "If you doubt this ask the tavern maid. I was in her establishment when the Breach appeared." _See_ , my tone said, _I am harmless, let me go free._

            Cassandra's eyes narrowed, "We shall see."

            She stormed from the room. Solas watched for a long moment after before he followed her out the door.

            "Solas!" I called after him. He didn't turn but his head tilted slightly in my direction. "How convenient that a fade expert happens to be close by when the fade threatens to spill into this world."

            He tensed and looked at me fully, "What would you know of it?"

            "In my experience nothing is coincidence." His gaze turned burning and I pushed farther into the bars, "Want to know a secret?" I hissed at him. His eyes flashed once, desire for knowledge hidden in their depth.

            Deliberately he took a step away from me and vanished down the hallway after the Seeker. Too bad he'd given up one of his cards. I didn't have a secret I was willing to share with him. But now I'd piqued his curiosity.

            I slumped against the bars, wincing when the wounds on my back pulled tight.

 

"What is your name?"

            I jolted awake, letting out a groan of pain when I bolted upright. My back was worse than it had been the day before. I'm assuming it was the day before. There was no light in the depth of this building. The woman muttered constantly in her sleep. Talking of eyes and things hidden in the dark.

            It was not conductive for _my_ sleep.

            Slowly I twisted to look at the person speaking to me. Leliana stood on the other side of the cell. If anyone had the key to my cage, this woman would. Or she could pick the lock. I would have but… they were very _thorough_ in searching me.

            "Luna."

            "What is your purpose here in Haven?"

            "I followed a man named Stefan, according to him he was here to protect the Divine."

            Leliana's eyes flashed.

            "How do you know my name?"

            Ah… so she had heard me the other day.

            "How does one not know of the beauty named Leliana?" I asked, twisting her words. "You served under the Divine as did Cassandra. You once walked with-" I broke off quickly, "the Warden." Damn it, I was not suited for lies. "You saved the world from the fifth blight."

            "Not many knew of my involvement with him." Leliana stepped closer, "How do you?"

            Not… known? Didn't all of Feralden praise the Warden—a male apparently—and his friends that saved the world?

            Stefan was dead; there was no one to nay say my story now. No one to tell that I had no memory of this world. Should I spin a tale like Varric would? Or should I skirt the truth as much as possible?

            "Before you think of lying…" Leliana trailed off and pulled a stone from her pocket. "My hair is purple." It let off a brilliant blue glow before fading out. "My hair is red." It did not glow this time.

            I licked my lips. This changed things. Apparently Thedas had lie detector magic. Well there was certainly nothing like _that_ in the games. Would have made them a helluva lot easier. "Do you have a chair?" I asked. She raised a brow in question, "It is a long story, one that you will not believe but better to tell the truth than lie and die for it." She motioned for me to start, "Very well… but do not say I didn't warn you."

            So I told her. Every word. How I started on Earth and found a man in a bar. He was rumored to be a Fae. A creature native to Underhill, a parallel world to Earth that was connected via portals. They would often come to our realm. I told her how I struck a deal with him, of how I was bored of my existence. He promised me that upon my death I would be transported to a different world, one where I would have an exciting life, never to return to my own. I had my doubts about the returning part but maybe there was a kernel of truth, because I hadn't been able too.

            I then told her of how I died hours later. A knife to the gut, and pulled my leather chest piece to the side to show the thin silver line just under my heart. "He wanted the paper in my wallet, I didn't have much but it didn't matter to him." Her eyes never wavered from mine, and the stone stayed dark through it all. I told her of how I woke in a place that was futuristic and of my travels there. How I flew among the stars in a ship. Of the different species that dotted the universe. I told her of the cycle that the Reapers went through and how I came to be here.

            "I lived in the cabin with Stefan for almost a year." I whispered, "And one day he came home, unhappy but determined. So we came here. We argued. That was the last time I saw him."

            "Why was he summoned?"

            I blinked at Leliana. I told Cassandra why, did she not tell Leliana? "To protect the Divine. He said that orders had gone out to those in his Order and he was to attend. He sounded like it was out of the norm but he didn't make a big fuss over it. He told me it wasn't safe for me so I went with him to appease him."

            "And what was his order?"

            "He never specifically said but…" I remembered the griffons on his shield. "In peace, vigilance. In war, victory. In death, sacrifice."

            Leliana's eyes widened and she shook her head. "The Gray Wardens were not supposed to be there."

            I shrugged at her, "Their mark was upon his shield. I don't know what else to tell you."

            A key appeared in the palm of her hand, "You would do well to keep your origins to yourself, Luna." She worked quickly to open the cell, "If not for the stone I would have you sent to Val Royeaux for trail. As it is…" she shook her head, "it is unbelievable."

            "What now?" I asked quietly as I stepped from my cage.

            Leliana looked at me for a long moment before she lifted a single shoulder, "It is not for me to decide. Your life is your own."

            "I will stay…" I decided, not like I had anywhere else to go. "And help in any way I can."

            "Good." Leliana nodded, "We could use someone with your experience."

            It seemed that I was cursed with an exciting life, never to be bored for a moment. Sometimes I wished I had stayed in New Orleans and kept my job as a bartender. But that wouldn't have been very fun now… would it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Another chapter! No I don't have a posting frequency... I would really like to have a buffer so some days there might be multiples or we might go a week with out. No promises either way. 
> 
> Any way, if you enjoyed it drop a kudos or a comment. Its nice to know what you all are thinking.


	3. Up the Mountain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Holy shit Ghost!" Varric called out, laughter hidden in his voice, "Are you insane?"
> 
> "Maybe?" I answered, unsure of what just happened. "It's dead right?" I lifted my head to gaze at it. If it got up I was so screwed. Its face was naught but three feet from mine and I swear I liked life enough at that moment that I didn't want to die at its massive hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will probably be a slew of updates coming your way. Car accident and I am home bound for a few days. We'll see what happens.

My personal effects were returned to me, and I was to travel with Varric—I squealed like a fan girl and yes his chest hair was magnificent—and this Solas character up the mountain. My job was to make sure they survived and take in everything that happened. I was to report my findings to Leliana as soon as we returned to Haven.

            Maybe I'd take the time to see if my little experiment went the way I wanted it too. I wasn't covered in cancerous boils so I was hopeful it either did what I wanted it to do, or it did nothing. I liked being alive, it was fun. Food was good, jokes hilarious, plus there was… other things that shouldn't be mentioned in polite company.

            Varric wasn't polite company but Solas seemed delicate as we jogged through knee deep snow.

            So far all I'd seen was the ass end of a rift as the three of us struggled to keep things in check. Solas wanted to take readings from the Breach but that was out of the question. The farther up the mountain we went the more demons we encountered the more likely we weren't going to make it back. I had no desire to die and wake up in Skyrim. Because that's what my luck was looking like right now.

            "Down!" I shouted as I threw my dagger at a despair demon. Its stupid beam of ice trying to pin Varric against a rock. The thing had to break its focus on the dwarf and go after me. It threw itself sideways, spinning in the air before it settled again. Its hands came together and it looked like it was about to start the ray of death again but it fell to the ground.

            I smirked at the sight, a bolt stuck out of the back of its head. "Thanks Ghost." I snorted at the name. I didn't know if it was because I was white as shit, or if I moved quietly. Either way I absolutely adored the fact that I had a nickname.

            "Impressive." Solas stated, "Why not use your magic?" He pulled a flask from his hip and drank deeply. The wave of demons had abated for the moment.

            I blinked at him, "I don't have any." What a stupid thing to insinuate. I didn't want magic, I wanted my biotics back. I wanted to be able to rip through shit like it was paper, not… whatever it was he was doing with that staff.

            I didn't want to learn a whole new fighting style and memorize dozens of spells. I wanted to fling my hand out and throw up a singularity, or throw someone a hundred feet away from me. Shock wave as a particular favorite of mine.

            "You do." He argued, his brow furrowing.

            "Like hell I do." I snarled, "I think I would know if I had magic." Was it the biotics he was sensing? Did I dare try them out with him around? Stupid I may be but that sounded like it was border lining imbecilic.

            "Hell?" Came from the side but I ignored it for now and continued to glare at Solas. If I had magic then he would fart a rainbow with a pot of gold at the end.

            "It has never manifested?" He pressed, "How unusual." He took several steps toward me before the rift exploded and demons fell through again.

            "Thank fuck." I whispered as I threw myself into the fray. Last thing I needed was a suspicious character taking more of an interest in me. Handsome and dangerous he may be but my life was exciting enough at the moment.

 

"Quickly! Before more come through!"

            Those words ripped me from my trance. Fighting demons was easy and it allowed my mind to drift. But Solas pulled me from it. Tuning back into reality I saw that the survivor had made it up to the rift. Solas had a tight hold on her arm and from my position I saw a look of pure hatred on his face. It robbed me of my breath and chilled me to my core.

            Why did he look at her with such malice? According to him he had never seen her before and he even struggled to keep her alive and stabilize the mark on her palm. So why?

            I blinked and his face transformed. The dark haired elf was looking at him now, confusion written all over her face. The rift was closed and now that everyone in the vicinity was watching he looked serene.

            "What did you do?" She asked quietly taking several step away from him. Smart girl. A large sword was strapped to her back and she was rippling with muscle. So the woman was a natural fighter. Good, we'd need that before the end.

            "I did nothing." He stated and took a step sideways, "The credit is yours."

            "So I can help." The woman looked at her left palm, flexing her fingers as if she were banishing the last remnants of pain.

            "Good to know," Varric spoke as he strode forward. "And here I'd thought we'd be ass deep in demons forever." He smiled at the woman and she relaxed almost instantly. "Varric Tethras, rogue, story teller and occasional unwelcome tag along." He directed a wink in Cassandra's direction.

            "Are you with the Chantry?" She asked, innocence written across her face. Oh how I adored her already.

            A snort erupted from Solas in the form of a chuckle, "Is that a serious question?"

            I glared at him hard. "Would she ask if it wasn't?" I hissed.

            He looked at me, surprise flashing in his eyes. He blinked and it was gone. "My name is Solas, if there are to be introduction."

            The woman looked at him again and she blushed slightly. Oh no, I knew that look. She would do well to keep away from him. He screamed danger and as strong as she appeared he would break her heart. I knew his type, which is why I hadn't tried to crawl into bed with him yet.

            "There is no time." Cassandra argued, "We must get to the Breach."

            "Aptly put Seeker." Varric nodded, "We should get going."

            "Thank you, but no." Cassandra shook her head.

            "Have you seen the valley recently?" He asked, turning to look at her. "You're men aren't in control anymore. Bianca and I will be good company." He patted his crossbow fondly.

            "He's right Cassandra." I stated as I wiped off the blade of my dagger. "Besides there isn't much time."

            As if to punctuate my words the Breach flashed and grew. Pain swallowed up the survivor's eyes and she let out a little gasp.

            I strode forward and pushed a vial into her hands, "It will help with the pain." Leliana had given me a few for my back before she sent me off to do her bidding.

            "Thank you…?" She trailed off and looked down at me.

            A smile crinkled the corner of my eyes, "Luna."

            An answering smile lit up her face and made her green eyes sparkle. "Ellana Lavellan."

            "It is a pleasure."

            She popped the cork and took the potion before handing the empty vial back to me. An instant sigh of relief coursed through her. "Thank you Luna."

            I nodded my head before darting off. Some of my stamina as a Turian stayed with me to this day. I could go farther than an elf normally would and I was slightly stronger. My flexibility was less though I was about to put myself through the ringer when we got back to Haven. I hadn't gone full out in a fight since I got here, afraid to hurt Stefan.

            That was no longer an issue. And if I had my stamina, it made me wonder what else came with me through the relay.

 

We moved into the Temple with the soldiers. Ellana was a direct and to the point kind of woman. If we could save lives by getting straight to the problem then that is what she was going to do. I seriously thought she was going to run that Roderick guy through and just thinking about it made my day.

            Thank Bob I hadn't run into the guy before now. But then again if I had he wouldn't be calling for my execution. I was a nobody, despite my inability to shrink into the background.

            It seemed that Thedas was home to gorgeous men. Moments after Ellana closed the rift a tall drink of water approached us—who looked suspiciously familiar—and gave thanks to Cassandra for closing the rift. Cassandra deferred to Ellana. Cullen—panty dropping _Cullen_ —had watched her closely and she flushed under his gaze.

            That one I would fall into bed without a second thought. Blonde, peach colored skin and honey eyes? He looked like a slice of apple pie just waiting to be devoured. I'm sure he saw something in my gaze because when he looked at me he blushed, much like our innocent Ellana had.

            "You've got a think for Curly?" Varric asked as Leliana directed her scouts to surround the temple.

            I raised a brow at him, "He's handsome."

            Varric let out a laugh, "Yeah, the women in Kirkwall thought the same thing."

            "Well then, they were smart women." I patted his back as we paced across the ground. The Breach hung heavily in the air above us. We were waiting for Ellana to gather her strength so she could open and then close it. Solas insisted that something would come through. It was our job to dispatch it as quickly as possible so she could close the Breach once and for all.

            "Luna?" Leliana called out. I jogged over to her, "Report."

            "Watch Solas." Probably not what she meant but screaming instincts were difficult to ignore.

            Her eyes narrowed, "Why?"

            "There is…" I let out a frustrated noise. "It is too convenient that he's here, isn't it? A problem with the veil and poof you've got a fade expert on your hands _hours_ after it pops up? No, I don't buy it." I would keep the look he gave Ellana a secret, for now. I needed to know what he was up to before I gave up that little tidbit of information.  

            She nodded, "I thought much the same." I was impressed when she didn't look in his direction. "I have my people looking into it, keep an eye on him for now."

            I flashed her a grin, "Consider it done."

            A demon, larger than life, swirled through the rift before it took corporeal form. "Pride demon." Leliana hissed, "Stop it from getting to the survivor."

            I nodded once before I exploded into action. Arrows flew from my fingertips as I ran at the thing. A scream of pure determination pierced the area around me. The demon let loose a roar of its own before it turned toward me. I put on a burst of speed and dashed between its legs, dagger flashing through the air.

            My blade bounced off of its ankle as a yellow barrier rippled over its skin. How I wished for my biotics all over again. But if it hadn't been smart to do it with just Varric and the bald elf around it was not safe to do it now with dozens of men and women fighting against the thing right alongside me.

            "Cheater." I bit out as it spun to follow me.

            Cassandra stepped forward, demanding the creature's attention. She gave me a nod. I took it as a nod of approval. Well if she approved of _that_ wait till she saw what I had planned next.

            I always wanted to ride a Thresher Maw. But to do that I'd to have gone to Tuchanka. The Krogan there would have approved massively of me. They loved shows of strength and believe the stronger one was the more worth they held. It would have been suicide though. Wrex about laughed me off Shepard's ship when I told him what I wanted to do.

            Old bastard would have like this.

            The demon was covered in plates, much like a Krogan. They shot off in every direction, providing wonderful handholds. Steadily I climbed holding on for all I was worth.

            "Wear it down!" Cassandra shouted.

            Arrows rained down around me, bouncing of its chitin.

            "Careful!" Leliana barked when one came too close to me. I smiled and climbed faster. Adrenaline pumped through my veins, giving me a high that I hadn't felt since we outran the explosion on Virmire. _That_ had been a helluva time.

            "The rift!" Solas cried out, "Ellana the rift!"

            My gaze spun to him and he was watching me. An unknown emotion swirled in his gaze. It looked a lot like fear to me but I had never been an expert on the human psyche. Shouldn't he be focusing on the task at hand?

            I forced my attention back to the beast under me and continued toward my destination. Right as I reached the top the yellow disappeared from around it and I dropped about an inch. I hit its bare chitin. A feral grin split my face in two, my dagger back in my hand quicker than I could blink. I screamed as I slammed it into the base of its skull.

            I didn't know demon anatomy, but I guarantee if you sever the spine of any creature it'll drop dead in an instant.

            The pride demon let out a low groan and stumbled to one side, and then another. I held on to my blade that was still buried deep in it. It felt like an eternity before it fell forward. Everyone cried out as it dropped.

            I was thrown from its back upon impact. A stiff grunt ripped through me. "Son of a… I'm going to feel that in the morning."

            "Holy shit Ghost!" Varric called out, laughter hidden in his voice, "Are you insane?"

            "Maybe?" I answered, unsure of what just happened. "It's dead right?" I lifted my head to gaze at it. If it got up I was so screwed. Its face was naught but three feet from mine and I swear I liked life enough at that moment that I didn't want to die at its massive hands.

            Varric eye's bulged, "Have you ever done anything like that before?"

            "Nope." I smiled and slapped my hand into his. It was huge and completely engulfed my own. "It was fun though." He tugged me to my feet and dusted me off.

            "Fun?" Cassandra asked as she strode forward, "I've never seen anything like that!" Her nostrils flared in what I'm assuming was anger, "It was foolish."

            "Still fun." I smiled at her, feeling the skin around my eyes crinkle slightly. Glancing past her I saw Leliana watching me. She gave me a quiet smile and I nodded at her. I had just become an asset in her eyes and my place was secured. Good, at least now I'd be fed regularly and possibly might make a difference.

            Strange how I always found myself in these positions. Shepard had found me on the Citadel working in C-Sec with Garrus. I'd been crazy enough to try and take down a Krogan. I didn't remember his name, only that he was old and fought in the Rachni wars. He had been causing problems for the council and they gave the job to me. I'd been young enough, and stupid enough to take it.

            That Krogan wiped the floor, the walls and the ceiling with me. But I walked away victorious. Shepard had been there to get information from a Quarian. She'd seen my problem and gave me a hand, no questions asked. I'd been indebted to her and followed her across the Universe.

            Until the Citadel blew up around me and Sovereign almost got us all killed. Then my life debt had been repaid and I went _far_ away from her. She'd died after that and I missed her. Then she cropped up a year later, alive and working for Cerberus. I hadn't gotten involved. Thankfully because she went through the Omega 4 Relay which was a death sentence. Jane made it back because she was _Jane_. She _always_ came back. Me? I probably would have ended up here a lot sooner if not in some MMORPG like Everquest or World of Warcraft.

            I was ripped back to the present when Ellana screamed in pain. Her body was bowed backward, her hand straight out in front of her. That acid green tether tied her to the rift that hung above us. I held my breath as she struggled.

            Shit she was just a kid. She didn't deserve any of this. She didn't look like she was a day over sixteen and yet here she was, fighting to save a world that would condemn her for the shape of her ears.

            Yeah, I'd gotten a lot of 'knife ear' over the last few days. I'm sure it's why that soldier I saved claimed I assaulted him. Fucking men.

            The soundless thunder flashed through the area around us, sending all of us stumbling backward. Ellana was not so lucky. She was thrown bodily across the Temple, cracking her head against the wall.

            Cassandra and Leliana took over from there, directing the soldiers and scouts. Some of them would be left behind to clean up any remaining demons but the rest were to head back to Haven and wait for further orders.

            That was my order as well.

            Slowly I trudged out of the temple and back down to Haven.

 

By the time I made it back to the town I was one large throbbing bruise. Solas offered a dozen or so times to heal me but I waved him off. It was my own stupidity that caused this and I would grit my teeth and bear it. Besides, I don't think I could have handled anyone touching me at that point in time.

            I went to Adan instead and got more of those numbing potions. Yeah I had my pride but I wasn't _stupid_. Well… I was sometimes but honestly I almost cried when Cullen clapped me on the back and offered a 'job well done'. It hurt like hell.

            After that I sought out Leliana. I had a few questions I needed to ask her. Such as what did women do for their monthly? Because if I wasn't mistaken I was about to go through that. I was kind of pissed. A Turian had something similar but it did not compare to a human's reproductive cycle. There was no cramping and there was no blood.

            Apparently elves were different than humans too because I hadn't had one before now. Did this species only have it once a year? Was it more painful because of that? I didn't know and I didn't want to find out. But I had to.  

            I found Leliana in a tent just outside the Chantry. She was giving out orders to her other people. They were to be dispatched across Thedas looking for a clue to what happened, who caused the Breach and who was responsible for the death of the Divine. They were also instructed to provide any interesting pieces of information to Leliana in the hopes that we could use it in the coming months.

            Many of them would be looking for Wardens. Stefan was quite insistent that several Gray Wardens would be in attendance, but no one saw them at all. Which we both found disconcerting.

            "Luna," she sounded distracted as she lifted different pieces of paper, "I was just about to send for you…." She marked one of the pages and folded it up before handing it to someone, "You have good intuition."

            I laughed and leaned against the main pole, "It has come in handy from time to time."

            She smiled at me, "Good, because I am assigning you to watch Ellana."

            Should have seen it coming. "Are you sure?" I asked, "If you haven't noticed I'm kind of crazy."

            "Kind of?" She joked as she rolled up another piece of paper and handed it to the last scout. "In all my days I have never seen anyone pull have of what you have in the last two days." She shook her head, "Besides, Cassandra seemed to be under the impression that Ellana was quite taken with you."

            "More like she was taken with _Solas_." My voice dropped and I moved closer. "I know its only been a few days, but have you heard anything?"

            Leliana shook her head, "As soon as I do you will be the first to know."

            I sighed and looked at the ceiling. "Very well."

            "He has offered his assistance." Leliana advised, "He's been quite clear on everything he has done and as far as I can tell he hasn't lied to me once." She patted her pocket where her truth stone lay. "Still though, like you I do not trust him. Get to know him, talk to him. Find out if he is hiding anything. From the way he speaks he intends to help Ellana any way possible." Her eyes searched mine.

            "He is going to travel with her." I grumbled.

            "Yes."

            "Well… that changes a few things." I muttered. "Hey, while I have you…?" She sighed and motion for me to continue. "What kind of…" I cleared my throat and jerked my head back and forth, "Oh screw it. I haven't had a period in close to eight years and apparently elves are different than humans because I've been here a year and… yeah…."

            Leliana laughed, "I'll have Josie send some things over to your house."

            "House?" I asked, "I don't have a house-"

            "You do know." Leliana smiled again, "Right next to Solas's."

            "Wonderful." I rolled my eyes and she laughed again.

 

True to her word Leliana had Josie send over _many_ things. It included sanitary napkin for women, which were basically cotton rolled up in a thick vellum that had something like nylon like material over it. No I was not happy but it would have to do. She also included soap for both body and hair, several contraceptive potions—I didn't think I _could_ but the potions would be used none the less—make up was also present as well as lotion and some sort of… it looked like it was meant to be exfoliating?

            I had never been a very girly girl so I didn't know what to do with half of it.

            Sighing I sat on the edge of my bed. Strange to call it that. My pod had been my home for so long and Stefan's cabin hadn't been _mine_ though he had willingly shared it with me. This? This was no one's but mine.

            Without looking back I stood and started for the door. Might as well train if I was going to be part of something like this. I'd heard whispers of Inquisition. Which seemed to fit. Before I'd gone missing and popped up in Mass Effect I'd heard rumors of a third Dragon Age game. Maybe this was it?

            It honestly sounded like it was going to be a Holy War. Hopefully we didn't march against any one nation. That didn't seem like it would be healthy.

            Haven was larger than it had been in the first game. Which didn't surprise me, not after the Warden found the Sacred Ashes. It had become a pilgrimage for many who followed the Chant of Light and I'm assuming that there was a population explosion in Haven. Still I didn't expect it to be _this_ large. There had only been like five huts.

            Oh well, it was what it was.

            I found myself watching the recruits in mock battles against each other. Cullen over saw them, occasionally barking out directions. He looked like he belonged here. And I was glad that he seemed to be on the right side of things now. Hopefully he could forgive mages completely. If not at least he wasn't outwardly hostile toward them anymore.

            My eyes landed on a rack of training weapons. They were made of steel but the edges were blunted. I picked out a pair carefully, testing their balance. My melee weapon had been my Omni tool for so long, and then I'd only had the one dagger. I didn't know how quickly I could move with two… maybe I should just stick to my bow?

            What I really needed was to come out here at night and do some biotic exercises. When no one was around and little prying eyes couldn't run off and tell the Templars the strange elf has crazy magic. Because they'd assume I was possessed and then I'd get dead.

            Shaking my head I approached a training dummy and started to move. At first it was slow, getting used to the feel of the blades in my hand. I started to build up, I pushed myself to go faster, to strike harder. I danced around the sack of straw, striking every second. I twisted one way and then the next.

            Rolling around it only to pop up and strike it again. I did it until I started to flag and my movements started to slow. Gritting my teeth I pushed through, it was unacceptable. I had more to give and I'd be damned if I gave up before I gave my all.

            "You continue to astound me."

            The voice broke through my concentration and I jerked to a halt. My breath came hard and fast, heart beating too quickly in my chest. I gulped down air like I'd never get enough. I gazed at him out of the corner of one eye.

            "Solas." I greeted, "What brings you down here?"

            "I've never seen someone move quite like you." Solas continued, ignoring my question. "Where did you learn to fight?"

            "Lots of different places." I shrugged and took the water skin he offered to me. I drank deeply and poured some of it over my head. I'd need a bath soon. I ached for a shower but I didn't think I'd find one in Thedas. Least of all in some backward village like Haven.

            "It seems like a poor match for you." Solas observed. He was probably right. The hand to hand combat I was practicing was Turian. It wasn't meant for humans, bodies weren't built right. I'm sure it looked clunky on a tiny elf like my current self.

            "I'm better than I look." I assured.

            "Care to put it to the test?"

            "Is that a challenge?" A smirk crossed his face and he dropped into a fighting stance, his staff twirling effortlessly in his hands.

            "Perhaps it will help you improve?"

            Oh… that was it. I gave him a stiff nod and then rushed him. He went easy for a couple turns. From the look on his face when I didn't go down easily he underestimated me. It didn't take him long to get serious about the fight.

            I broke through his guard again and again. Striking hard and fast against his clothing. He would spin away like I'd seen most mages so far fight. I didn't let him. I was hot on his heels every step of the way, blocking every blow he threw at me and pushing him back.

            He continued to up the ante, his brows furrowing in concentration. Inwardly I crowed at him and I think he saw it in my eyes because they narrowed and his entire fighting stance changed. He turned into liquid water, moving away from my blows before they could strike.

            He hit me once. _Once_ before I shifted too. Liara had shown me how to fight like an Asari. Think that the Turian style looked clunky on an elf? You should have seen me try to move like an Asari as a Turian. I looked like a child trying to dance the tango. It hadn't been pretty.

            But I was willing to bet I looked graceful as an elf. His eyes went from narrow to wide in about two seconds flat. Three seconds later I had him flat on his back while I straddled his hips, blunted dagger to his throat.

            "Dead." I chirped as I stood and bounced away, "Care to go again?"

            He tipped his head down and this time _he_ rushed _me_. He moved completely different again. Before he had been about trying to get distance, this time he was trying to get inside my guard. His staff flashed through the air almost quicker than I could follow. I still managed, blocking ninety percent of his blows. He blocked even less of mine.

            Solas almost became feral at that point, his teeth bared in a silent growl as he pushed himself farther. I just had to wait him out. Twisting I ducked and dodged his blows, the smile on my face never faltering. He twitched once, like he was flagging but I didn't trust it.

            Sure enough he started to move faster. Laughter dripped from my lips in a taunting manner.

            Quickly I dropped into a crouch and swept his legs out from under him. I pounced and straddled his hips again. "Dead." I gave him a coy smile. This man was so much more dangerous that I'd originally given him credit. "Are you trying to release some… tension?"

            It was a Turian thing. And it was a _me_ thing.

            I bent low over him, "If you are there are… other things we could be doing." Something stirred between my legs but he gave me a death glare, "No?" I sat up and stood. "Your loss."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you are enjoying the story! If you are drop a kudos/comment. They make my day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No summary because I don't want to give away the particularly interesting part.

Solas didn't follow me as I made my way back to my little house. It sat on the highest point in Haven. The Chantry stood higher, but it was a temple to their faith. I expected nothing less from them.

            My house was quaint and I got a lot of looks. Many humans were surprised that an elf had a house so close to the main part of the village. Honestly I was too and I had been wondering what happened to the original occupants. Then I realized that they probably died in the explosion. Helluva way to kill the population climb.

            I didn't give anyone the time of day. Their shifty little eyes following me and whispers about this or that. I wasn't here for them, I was here for…

            Well I didn't know why I was here but it felt inevitable that I'd end up here so I didn't see the point in running. The world was ending, or the sky was falling. It didn't matter where I went, things would be the same there too, and maybe I wouldn't have the backing of a respected individual that saw potential in me.

            I could probably set up shop somewhere as a bounty hunter, or an assassin. I'd been a sniper back in the day and killing was killing. Might as well get paid for it.

            Grunting I poured water into a clean pot and let it heat over the fire for a while. Once I was satisfied with the temperature I dumped it into the basin and started to clean the worst of the muck off of me.

            When I was finished I actually looked presentable. I took the time to clean and oil my armor and to clean my weapons. Something I learned back on Palaven. You're only as good as your gear. If your rifle stopped working in the middle of a fight? You're fucked and it was your own damned fault. Got a hole in you? Good, meant you were doing your job, now patch yourself up with some medi-gel and get back in the fight.

            Slowly I rolled my head back and forth. A knock came at the door, which surprised me. I didn't think I'd registered on anyone's radar yet and had a few days before people tried to get me to do stuff for them. Or at least, anyone _important_.

            When I opened the door I saw a dwarf scout on the other side. She smiled at me, "Lace Harding." She held out her hand and I raised a brow. Slowly I extended mine. She grabbed my forearm and gave a firm shake.

            "Luna." I smiled down at her, "To what do I owe the pleasure Lace?" She came up to my cheek bones. I wasn't that much taller than her.

            "Seeker Pentaghast and Sister Leliana are holding a war meeting, they've asked that you attend."

            Now that was a shock. "War meeting?"

            Lace stepped back, "I can show you the way, if you'd like?"

            I hummed an affirmative and closed the door tightly behind me. We walked in silence for a moment before Lace began to talk.

            "Did you really ride that huge demon?"

            I smirked, apparently I'd pinged on a few radars. "Yeah, always wanted to do something like that."

            "That's something that'll get you killed." Lace chuckled, "Still, better a demon than a dragon."

            My eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets. Dragons? Oh fuck me now I loved this place. I completely forgot about _dragons_. Hell it was called Dragon Age and you only saw like three actual high dragons in the first two games! It was such a letdown.

            "Have more of them been spotted recently?" I asked casually. Perhaps… too casually because Lace gave me a _look_.

            "Thinking of taming a dragon are we?"

            I laughed loudly at that, "Oh no, dragons breathe fire and I am flammable."

            We walked through the chantry and she indicated a door at the end. "That's where they are meeting," she offered another smile to me. "We should grab a drink sometime."

            "I could always use a friend." I nodded. We parted with tentative plans to get a drink at the tavern in a couple days. It was super busy right now and everyone was running around trying to save lives and put out fires. Wonder what they'd have me doing?

            I rapped my knuckles against the wood sharply and stood at attention. Commander Cullen answered the door and gave me a once over. I had the overwhelming desire to snap out a salute. "At ease Luna." Cullen chuckled, he stepped back and waved me inside.

            "Glad you could make it." Leliana greeted as she moved a candle to the corner of the table. A large map—I'm assuming of Thedas—was sprawled across its surface and little pins held it down. There were markers and I wasn't entirely sure what they represented.

            "How could I refuse such a lovely invitation?" I strode forward, "How can I be of service?"

            "We've received reports from across Thedas." Leliana indicated several black markers on the table, "My network is rife with activity. Rifts are cropping up throughout Feralden and Orlais."

            Cullen pointed to red markers, "According to my men in the field the cease fire between mages and Templars is over." He frowned and glared at the table as if he could do something from here. "We've returned to open war, and it isn't looking good for the general population."

            I grunted. Always a battle between the Templars and the mages. I understood both sides. Mages wanted to be free to live their lives, Templars just wanted to keep everyone safe. It'd been bad in Kirkwall though and if the lore was correct then there were _worse_ Circles across Thedas.

            "Have we asked the Chantry for support?" Cassandra asked.

            I moved backward until I was pressed against the wall. I fell into a relaxed stance and waited for my orders. I was here for a purpose.

            "They have refused to acknowledge us before," my daze darted to the woman speaking. She was darker skinned with black hair and brown eyes. She was dressed in finer clothing than the rest of us, it looked like it was suited for a noblewoman's battle at court than on a battlefield. "I do not anticipate them rushing to our aid. Not with the Divine at the Maker's side."

            That's right. The Divine was the leader of the primary religion here. She was much like the Pope back on Earth. Or would have been if we were still in the Dark Ages and the Catholics reigned supreme. With her gone they would be dead in the water until they elected a new Divine. We wouldn't receive any assistance from them.

            "They must recognize the threat that we face." Cassandra insisted, her hand poking a random point on the map. "We cannot be ignored."

            The door flew open and the man named Roderick walked in. "We can." He stated as he looked at the four arguing humans in the center of the room. As an elf I was over looked, perhaps he thought I was a servant? Wouldn't be the first time. "My contacts inside the Chantry are under the impression that we are returning to Val Royeaux to elect a new Divine. As is proper."

            I scoffed. Mistake.

            Every head in the room turned to look at me. Including the two soldiers that followed Roderick into the room. Or were they Templars?

            "You have something to say, elf?"

            "Oh no." I shook my head, and then my mouth ran away from me. "I was just wondering what protocol called for running away from a threat to hide behind an old woman's skirts? Are they made of sturdy stuff that will hold demons back and stop whatever evil deeds are swirling in the air?"

            Roderick looked like he was ready to bust a vein. Particularly the one in the middle of his forehead that was pounding fiercely. Silence was broken by a dry cough. I was almost positive that the cough was a cover for laughter but I wasn't a hundred percent on that.

            "And who are you to be dictating what we should and shouldn't do?" Roderick demanded.

            "I asked her to be here." Leliana stated. Her tone held a challenge and she glared at Roderick, "Luna is correct. We do not have the luxury of retreating to elect a new Divine, we must take action while we still have time."

            "That is not for you to decide." Roderick growled.

            Cassandra let loose a feral snarl. Things were going down hill fast. "Permission to speak freely?" I asked as I gazed at Leliana. She was my commanding officer as far as I was concerned. I now knew she was the one who requested my presence and she was the reason that I was still here in Haven.

            Leliana schooled her features into a passive mask as she nodded at me. "Were you invited?" I barked at the Chantry man. Cassandra said that he was a glorified clerk and that, to me, meant that he did not have the right to speak in a place such as this.

            "How dare you question me-"

            "Were. You. Invited. To. This. Meeting." I enunciated every word just in case he couldn't understand my accent. That and he was slightly ticking me off. His jaw clenched and unclenched rapidly as he glared at me. "I will take your silence as a 'no'." I stepped forward, "If you are not here to help the situation like an adult I must request you cease and desist." I don't think I had the authority for that but I also didn't think that anyone in the room was going to argue with me when they all looked like they wanted to throw him bodily from the room.

            "You do not get to order-"

            "You heard her Chancellor." Cassandra growled through gritted teeth, "If you have nothing positive to offer please leave."

            "I beg you to see reason." Roderick's entire tone changed. Instead of the commanding one he had when he entered the room he now used a beseeching one.

            "Luna."

            I turned to face Leliana. "Yes?"

            "Please escort Chancellor Roderick to his room on the lower level."

            I almost snapped a salute again. "Right away, ma'am."

            "Return to us when you've a moment." She consulted several pieces of paper that lay scattered on a table behind her, "I've a task for you."

            "If you will follow me Chancellor?" I asked as I swept a hand out toward the door.

            Roderick was red faced and from the looks of things, utterly pissed. Ask me if I cared. Go ahead.

            He turned and all but fled from the room. His two soldier escort followed him and I followed them. Together we marched down the stairs and he barreled into his room, slamming the door shut behind him.

            I must admit it had to have stung. Being sent to your room like you were a petulant child. He shouldn't act like he was a child if he didn't wish to be treated as one.

            That taken care of I returned to the War Room and waited for my orders.

            The four of them continued to talk circles around each other. I was not meant for upper brass. I was a grunt and I was just fine with that. It'd been a bit since I'd taken orders and it went against my grain a little to do so now, but better to take orders than be starving, or worse… dead.

            Finally when they broke for the evening Leliana turned to me. "Thank you for your help." She gave me a tired smile, "It must look like we are accomplishing nothing."

            "It's early yet." I replied as the others filed from the room. "And things don't happen overnight."

            Leliana nodded. Her eyes went distant, like she wasn't in the room with me anymore.

            "What did you want me to do?" I asked quietly, pulling her back from where ever she'd gone.

            She shook herself once and looked at me, "There was an attempt on the survivor's life."

            Alarm coursed through me, "Is Ellana alright?"

            "Yes, my scouts noticed a strange man walking the streets and stopped him before he got close enough to her." She closed her eyes and pinched her nose between her fore finger and thumb. "Have you heard what they are calling her?" I remained quiet because I didn't know how to respond. "They are calling her the Herald of Andraste." She wiped a hand over her face.

            "That's…" I bit my lip, "impressive?" Leliana shot me a look. "Hey," I held up my hands in surrender, "she's an elf and from everything I've seen we aren't everyone's favorite race. I'm surprised that anyone is giving her a title connected to Andraste."

            "It seems a bit foolish, no?" Leliana asked as she rearranged the markers on the map, "Giving anyone that title." She sighed, "I was foolish once, thought that the Maker had chosen me for some great purpose."

            "You did the right thing helping the Warden. It's very likely that without you they would have never even gotten to the lands meet."

            Leliana's gaze sharpened, "How do you know that?"

            "How could I not?" I responded, not realizing the hole I was digging for myself. A grave more like.

            "No, how do you know that I helped the Warden? You weren't even here for that."

            "I… uh…" my gaze darted around the room. Shit I didn't have a good answer for that. "Does it matter?"

            "Yes."

            I rubbed a hand across the back of my neck, missing the small piece of tech that allowed me to use biotics. I had been a natural biotic but the amp increased my abilities.

            Sighing I started to speak, "Earth has… windows into other worlds." Close enough, how the hell was I supposed to describe a _video game_ to people who didn't even have electricity? "Thousands of them, stories all being played out at the same time. They follow major events in that particular world's time line. I followed your story in Feralden." Wow this was so farfetched I didn't think that anyone would believe this.

            "Just mine?" Leliana's voice was still sharp.

            "No," I shook my head. "I followed the Champion of Kirkwall's story too." A flinch was coming, I just knew I was going to get stabbed somehow.

            "Do you know where she is?" Her tone was less sharp and held a hint of… hope?

            "Ah… no that I do not know." I forced myself to look at her. "Before I could move farther than her saving Kirkwall I died and was sent to another world."

            "This is common for Earth?"

            "Just me." I shook my head, "As far as I know, at least."

            "Would you be able to recognize others from your home?"

            I thought about it, "Perhaps, but it would depend on the situation. I would have to speak to them and see if they had knowledge they shouldn't have. But… just looking at them? No."

            Leliana sighed and sat down. Her hands were clasped before her and she glared at the ground. "So you have no knowledge of what we are facing?" I didn't say anything. Had Leliana been pinning her hopes on me somehow? That just because I was from a different world I could somehow save them all? That was a thought I didn't want to think about. "I want you to watch the survivor tonight and report any suspicious activity."

            "Yes ma'am."

 

My fingers ached as I climbed the stone wall. Leliana wanted me to stand watch and that is exactly what I intended to do. But it would help no one if I sat outside her little hut and glared at anyone who passed by. No I needed a place out of the way, somewhere no sane person would think to look.

            So that's how I ended up deciding that roof of the Chantry was the best place for me to be. I had my bow slung over my shoulder along with a quiver full of arrows. I knew the range on this bad boy and I was pretty confident that I could take out a knee cap from here. I'd even been smart enough to think of a quick way down. A rope, tied around the wooden beam that jutted past the end of the roof. When it was sun rise and time for bed I would be down in a hurry and resting before anyone knew I hadn't been asleep.

            The sun set and slowly the people on the streets of Haven made their way home. Or to the Singing Maiden. Soon the tavern quieted down as well, the candles flickering in the window until Flissa blew them out entirely and closed the shutters. I shivered slightly. It was cold here in Haven, year round.

            It was up in the mountains, so though it was approaching mid fall for the rest of Feralden, here this close to the Frostbacks it seemed we were deep into winter.

            My fingers curled around the edges of my red cloak. I now thought it was stupid of me to go for such a bright color because it stuck out in a forest capped with snow. I'd never sneak around anything dressed like this.

            A few people still walked the streets, but from their clothing they were Cullen's troops. Several of them carried torches as they patrolled the town. Boredom nearly strangled me. I stifled a yawn and forced my eyes to remain open. Imagine if I let the Herald die? That would suck and be a huge black mark for me, not to mention the rest of the world because she had the palm of destiny or some crap.

            I almost nodded off when I noticed that someone was creeping around in a different part of Haven. From their movement they had no intention of heading toward Ellana, no they were headed _away_ from her and toward the gates.

            Strange.

            Who the hell was sneaking out at this time of night? I didn't know but I wanted too. Bad enough that I was willing to leave my post. There were soldiers outside of Ellana's door and now that one attempt had failed it was unlikely for another to follow so quickly on its heels. And Leliana did want me to watch for anything suspicious.

            If this wasn't suspicious I didn't know what was.

            Using the rope I propelled down the front of the Chantry, careful not to put a foot through one of the stained glass panels. I'd hear no end from the Sisters if I destroyed another holy site so close to the Temple's destruction.

            The last time I saw the figure he'd gone out the east entrance so that's the direction I headed. From there I picked up his trail. It wasn't easy, most of the ground was muddy slush at this point but finally I spotted tracks that veered off the main path and went into the forest. Grumbling to myself I ripped my cloak off and shoved it behind a rock. Damned thing would give me away and now I was going to freeze.

            Walking the path that this figure had taken would be a mistake. They would see my trail and know that I had followed them. Instead I went about a dozen yards east of their trail and followed from there. It was difficult to make out their trail but elves have better night vision that humans did. I think that's why Solas' eyes had shimmered like they did in the dungeons. Which in hindsight was probably a bad thing for me to bring up to him because as an _elf_ why would I _not_ know that my _own_ eyes glinted like that in the dark?

            Yeah, probably was turning into most definitely.

            The snow crunched underfoot and I griped internally about it. I wouldn't be able to sneak up on anyone like this. Growling quietly I resigned myself to sitting in this cold ass snowy area until the figure made their way back. I could get a glimpse of them then and report to Leliana. It may lead to nothing, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

            I waited.

            And waited.

            Waited until the sun peeked over the mountain peaks behind me and still they didn't come back this way. Maybe it was just someone out for a walk? I'd done stranger things… but still something about it seemed off.

            Quickly I stood and jogged to their trail. I followed the foot prints until the vanished entirely.

            A shiver ran down my spine. Either we had a teleporter on our hands or someone could shape shift. Which to my knowledge was a lost art. Flemeth taught it to Morrigan. I don't know if the Warden in this world was a mage and if he learned the spell from Morrigan.

            The thoughts swirled around and around in my mind as I made my way back to where I left my cloak. I knew that Flemeth wasn't dead because if the Warden had killed her then Hawke brought her back. If the Warden _hadn't_ killed her and Hawke brought her back then the two copies would just merge together again. So either Flemeth had taken an interest in what was happening here or Morrigan had or we had some crazy mage who knew about old magic.

            I honestly didn't know and I wasn't getting paid enough to think about things like this. I'd give the information to Leliana and let _her_ think about it. If I was even getting paid at all.

            Something bright red caught my eye. My heart jumped into my throat and I rushed forward. It was on the rock that I stashed my cloak behind. And instead of being behind it, where I left the fucking thing, it was neatly folded on top. 

            Whoever it was knew that they had been followed and I was almost sure that I was the only one with a crimson cloak.

            "Fuck."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhh... who could it be?!
> 
> Thoughts? Though... I'm pretty sure we all know who it is.


	5. Phrases by Moonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, my car accident triggered several horrid things in my life and I haven't had time to sit and write at all this last week. I am finally taking some time though so I'll sit down and write out another couple chapters!

"Where is the cloak now?" Leliana asked as she paced back and forth.

            "I left it there." I wasn't stupid enough to pick up the thing. That would be like a beacon to whoever I followed last night, leading right to me. And I was positive I didn't want them knowing that I—and through me Leliana—was watching them. It would make it more difficult to catch whoever was sneaking around.

            Because one thing was for certain. Whoever I was following last night was up to something. Why else would they go in the middle of the night and mess with my cloak? They _had_ to have been looking for someone following them, or they never would have found my trail.

            "Good." She glanced at me before spinning around and walking the other direction. The floor was going to wear down in that area if she wasn't careful. "I'll get you another cloak, something standard."

            I burned to ask for something brighter but knew that if I was to stay in this role that I'd need to blend in somehow. So I'd probably get a forest green one, or a dull brown. But I'd be warm and I wouldn't complain.

            After I discovered my cloak I decided to sit around and wait. Maybe the person who left it there for me to find would come back and check on it? I had thought it was a long shot before even implementing it and I was slightly ticked at myself because the Herald had woken up. I missed all the commotion and they'd had a meeting. Apparently the Inquisition had been founded and Roderick was mad as a soaked cat.

            And I _missed_ it!

            "A week from now you and the Herald will go to the outskirts of Redcliffe." She gnawed on the tip of a nail, "Mother Giselle has asked to meet with her and she knows those who are involved with the Chantry better than I do." She swore softly under her breath, "Perhaps with her help we can persuade the Chantry to join us."

            Somehow I doubted it but knew better than to voice it out loud lest I jinx it.

            "Alright," I nodded, that was something I could do. Now that I knew where we were it shouldn't take too long to get there. About a week's travel from Haven we'd be in the Hinterlands and then it was another day or two on foot before we hit Redcliffe. By horse it would be around two and a half days, but the Inquisition was short on such things.

            "Cassandra will be accompanying you as well."

            "Anyone else?"

            Leliana waved a hand, "The dwarf, Varric and Solas."

            I nodded, "I expected Solas would come, he's far too interested in Ellana for her own good. Varric is a welcomed addition though."

            "My thoughts exactly. He and Ellana have seemed to hit it off so far." Leliana winced, "Apparently the Dalish managed to get ahold of his book _The Champion of Kirkwall_."

            "Ah… details about Hawke's deeds." I'd never read it but Varric was an author after all, several of his works had been published here in Feralden and I'm sure there were other places too.

            "Yes and Ellana is delighted that she gets first hand details from him."

            A knock interrupted our conversation. She gave me a sharp look before waving me behind a curtain. I'd met her in her room, not in her tent. Quickly I ducked behind the thick material and held my breath.

            Why didn't she want anyone to know I was reporting to her? People already knew I was hers, after the little debacle in the War Room yesterday I was positive it was public knowledge. Roderick didn't strike me as the kind of guy to keep secrets.

            Never mind. It wasn't my place to ask questions.

            I waited several moments, ears straining to catch anything. A hushed note or a quick breath. Finally Leliana pulled the curtain back.

            "You're leaving." Her eyes were hard.

            "Did… did something happen?" My heart jumped into my throat. Had someone come forward and implemented me in cult or negative deed before I even arrived in Haven?

            "I've just received word that a noble in Orlais has taken it upon themselves to rid the world of the hieratic Herald." Leliana strode to a desk in a corner and pulled out several coins. "You know you're way around Thedas, yes?"

            I blinked and shook my head, "General directions and some of the major cities yeah but no, no I don't."

            "Go north, to Amaranthine." Her face was serious, "From there take a ship to Antiva City."

            "Antiva?" I whispered, "Fucking Crows."

            Surprise flashed across her face. "You know them?"

            "Of them yes, I've never met one personally."

            Leliana nodded, "That world of yours is truly marvelous." She honestly had no idea. "I will send help to you."

            One of my eyebrows rose as I regarded her, "And what of my trip to the Hinterlands with Ellana?"

            "Luna if you do not do this, Ellana will most likely perish in the next fortnight."

            Wonderful, I had two weeks.

            "I'll leave this evening." Leliana shook her head at me. "Let me guess… I'm leaving now aren't I?"

            "Don't let anyone tell you you're unintelligent." She wrinkled her nose at me, her eyes sparkling with delight. "I'll send further instructions to my scout in Amaranthine."

            "When will I meet up with this 'help' you are sending me?"

            "I will let you know when I find out myself."

            Always loved last minute jobs.

 

The road vanished under Nelly's gallop. We moved quickly and had gone for most of the day like this. Haven was a distant memory behind me, along with sleep. While Nelly was a spirited horse, she was not able to make the whole trip under this kind of pressure. I carried a note from Leliana that instructed each encampment that belonged to the Inquisition to surrender their fastest horse.

            Leliana really wanted this Crow problem solved.

            Nelly made way for Jak-Jak, he was a huge bay that was deceptively fast. Jak-Jak was with me for two more days, until I came across a town. It looked like it was Lothering in the process of rebuilding. I didn't think anyone would be here with the previous Blight so recently passed. They gladly traded me a paint stallion for Jak-Jak and several gold coins.

            Leliana planned well, considering she only had a few moments. The Stallion didn't have a name so I named him Bread, after the loaf shape black splotch on his rump. He was with me for three days, his stamina more than enough to carry me the rest of the way to Amaranthine. When we arrived his sides were heaving and I quickly slid out of the saddle. I wouldn't pin him up just yet, but keep him walking next to me until his muscles cooled down.

            Bread and I had developed a slight bond over the last few days. In other words, I bribed him with sugar cubes and he stuck next to me on the off chance I had an extra one just sitting in my pocket with his name on it. I did, but he wasn't positive about it.

            "I haven't forgotten about you." I said as I shoved his huge head away from my chest, "You'll get your oats just like I promised."

            Leliana told me to go to the inn here, the one that was less reputable. There I was to utter a pass phrase and I'd receive my set of instructions. If I was to wait here for my back up, or if I was to get on a ship to Antiva City.

            Bread and I wove our way through the crowd, his head hanging over my shoulder slightly. I wasn't drawing as much attention as normal and I attributed it to the gray cloak that was slung around me.

            There were three inns in a city the size of Amaranthine. I only remembered one. It used to be a front for smuggling. It was perfect for it honestly because there was an old tunnel that led under the wall. It was also a huge security breach. One that I wasn't sure I wanted to share with anyone because how on Earth would I know it was there?

            I wouldn't so this outlander was keeping her mouth shut.

            The inn wasn't quite where I thought it was, but they did have stables attached so Bread wouldn't be very far from me if things went south. Though I didn't see how they could because I had yet to actually start my mission. I wasn't sure what Leliana wanted me to do exactly. She had said go north to Antiva. Once I got there I was guessing I had to ferret out the Crow organization and end them. Well one of them because the Crows operated in individual cells.

            So let's hope I found the right one, or that they talked to each other.

            Why did it suddenly feel like I was looking for a needle in a haystack?

            "Stable your horse ma'am?"

            My gaze darted about until my eyes landed on a small boy. He looked to be about eleven or twelve. His brown hair was raggedy and his clothes hung loosely on his frame.

            "How much for the best treatment?" I asked as I grabbed Bread's reins and made my way toward the boy.

            "Fifty silver to stable him for the night, for that he gets warm mash and two apples as well as hay."

            "That seems like a pretty nice deal." I weighed one of the pouches that was full of coins. "Say I wanted to stable him two weeks while I run an errand across the sea, how much would that be?"

            The boy thought hard. "Six gold?" He didn't sound sure. I shook my head and walked over.

            "It would be seven, and because you didn't try to cheat me." I pulled out ten gold and dropped them into his hand. "You can have three golds as a tip. Just make sure to take good care of Bread."

            "What if you don' come back in two weeks?" He looked very serious.

            "Then you can sell the horse for whatever price you see fit and keep the gold yourself." His eye lit up. "Does that sound like a good plan?"

            "Yes ma'am." He rushed forward to take Bread's reins. "I'll take good care of him, don' you worry!"

            I smiled and chuckled to myself. The boy had a good heart. I hoped to hell that I wasn't a day late, or I'd be out of a horse. He led my horse away and walked him in the round pin nearby. He was smart too. I whole heartedly approved of him watching Bread while I was gone. Maybe I could swap for Jak-Jak and then Nelly on my return trip. I wouldn't have to rush to get there this time.

            The door was rough under my fingertips as I pushed it open. Flipping up my hood I made my way into the main part of the in.

            "How can I help you dear?" A stout woman asked from behind the bar.

            "Ravens cry when the Nightingale sings." My gaze was firm on the wooden countertop between the two of us. I just needed to hear her answer.

            "Twin moons dance to a bard's tune."

            I exhaled in relief. That was the one. Glancing up at her I waited. Her eyes darted to the side repetitively. My own followed hers and I saw a door. When I looked back at her with a raised brow she nodded.

            "I'll have a bed for the night and two plates of tonight's dinner." I smiled warmly, or tried too. This wasn't how normal drops went down. My experience was you gave the pass phrase they responded with their pass code and then you had a book with a letter in it, or a holo-vid that had a memory chip tucked under the screen.

            Not shifty eyes and half a nod. She grunted at me and slid a key across the counter. "Room five, dinner will be up shortly. That'll be six gold." My jaw nearly dropped.

            "Six?"

            "You heard me." Her eyes darted to my ears.

            "I dare you." My eyes narrowed at her. I'd had just about enough of this 'knife ear' shit to last a life time. Humans had a reckoning coming their way, just as soon as I helped Ellana take care of her stuff. I was not going to kick around a world where I was a second class citizen because of my _ears_. Thedas was going to join the 22 nd century willingly or not.

            Her gaze drifted down my cloak and doubtless she saw the multitude of knives and the bow slung on my back. "Price is still the same."

            "Well then," I dropped four gold on the counter, "I guess that'll just have to do,"

            Four gold was more than enough for a room for _one_ night. Four gold got my horse eight days in the stables. Four gold would have bought dinner for an entire family for a fucking month. Four gold was still price gouging but I'd die before I gave her two more.

            "Now wait just a minute lass-"

            "Greta," someone sang, the voice sounding eerily familiar, "my beautiful flower are we picking on someone again?"

            I kept my face forward. This was none of my business. Greta could go boink this dude and I'd keep my two gold and wait for my back up.

            At least, that's what I had planned on doing. That plan wasn't even done formulating in my mind before I glared at the arm that had slung itself around my shoulders. I tilted my head and glared at it for about three seconds before turning to growl obscenities at the man with the big brass balls.

            Except those words died in my throat. He winked at me and I almost stuttered at him.

            "Get away from me Zevran." Greta growled. Yup, I was not mistaken. This man was Zevran Arainai. My boo, my one time love. My first video game crush. It was _him_. And I was wearing my ugly underwear. Shame on me.

            "You wound me Greta." Zevran winked at me, "Perhaps this lovely snowflake will keep me company?"

            The mood vanished in a puff of smoke. "Snowflake? Is that a play on how pale I am?" I shrugged his arm off my shoulder and allowed my voice to become a little clogged, forcing my eyes to swim with unshed tears, "Because it's a skin condition and I'm dying because of it. I _don't_ appreciate you bringing that to the attention of everyone in the room."

            Zevran's eyes widened and he started to stutter apologies at me. Greta was smiling behind the counter.

            "Gotcha!" I poked him, "But next time, seriously, don't point out how pale I am."

            Greta started howling with laughter, "Keep your gold girl." She pushed it back across the counter at me, "Anyone who gets Zevran to make that look stays for free."

            His face was one of absolute horror that quickly morphed into slightly ticked I got one over on him and then mischievous and then straight to naughty things on his mind. Ugh, I guess Zevran will always be Zevran.

            "Nightingale did always send me the best girls."

            Greta scowled at him and threw something over the counter, "This one will eat you up and spit you out."

            "I will." I pointed at Greta and nodded, "I do love the way men taste in the morning." I wiggled my eyebrows at him and Greta grunted.

            "You deserve each other."

            "Is the room still free?" I batted my eye lashes at her whilst sliding a gold across the counter for the meal. It was still outrageous but Greta deserved a raise if she dealt with this on a daily basis.

            She snatched it off the counter, "Go, before I change my mind."

            I hefted the saddle bags containing my things higher on my shoulder. "You're the best Greta."

            She seriously looked like she was regretting her decision but I was gone and moving swiftly toward—I glanced at the key—room number five.

            "You coming big boy?" I called behind me, throwing a look over my shoulder. Zevran gave me a wicked grin before basically chasing me down the hallway. I laughed until I got inside the room. Then I sobered instantly.

            My bag hit the floor and I kicked off my shoes. I'd been on the road for almost a solid week and I hurt. My back, my feet, my butt. Every part of me ached and all I wanted was a bath and there in the corner of the room was a solid stone tub large enough for three of me. It even came with indoor plumbing.

            I didn't think it existed in Thedas! I'd been living with chamber pots and melted snow for bath water! Holy cow I was living in the wrong place. Maybe Greta did deserve the six gold coins. I would have paid her ten if I knew there was a tub involved.

            My clothes hit the floor faster than a New York minute. There was a sound of approval behind me but I didn't care Zevran was ogling my bare ass. I wanted in that tub and I wanted in it _now_.

            Skin made contact with stone and I groaned all the way down. My toes fumbled with the levers that controlled the water. A shudder of pure delight washed over me when scalding hot water poured out of the spout.

            "Oh I'm in heaven." I whispered as I sank down farther. The tub filled quickly and I didn't dare add any cold water. I'd take the punishment of lava water. It felt so nice; I thought I might actually cry.

            The sound of someone clearing their throat behind me pulled me back from my euphoric tub orgasm. Glancing above me I took him in completely.

            Gold hair, gold skin, gold eyes. Man was made of gold and he looked absolutely delicious. The marks down the side of his face, the twin swirls, stood out against his skin. He'd shucked his armor as quickly as I had and _damn_ but he was built. Dense muscle, none of that sticking out massive muscle. He was lithe and I might have drooled a little.

            It was his unbound hair that almost did me in. It hung loosely around his face partially covering his hooded eyes.

            When his eyes drifted lower than my face I turned over and pointed at my bags. "I'm much better company when clean."

            "You are excellent company dirty." He replied, his voice pitched low and made of liquid silk.

            I stood and stepped out of the tub. His hands settled on my hips, fingers dug into my skin and he pulled me flush against him. The muscles of his stomach were taut and they loosened when I ran my fingers down his side. The babies we would make together would be _stunning_.

            "Soap makes things… slippery." I stood on my toes, eyes locked on his lips. That devilish smirk covered his lips, his head lowering toward mine.

            I wondered what they would taste like. What _he_ would taste like. And if I truly had a night to spend with him I would have found out.

            But I was on a time line and there was a life hanging in the balance.

            At the last second I ducked and spun under his reaching arm. A deep needy noise rumbled in his chest and I laughed.

            "You don't even know my name." I chided. "Or where I come from, I could chew loudly or snore in my sleep."

            "We do not need know each other's name to enjoy carnal pleasure together." Lust coated his eyes and I snorted.

            "Right, I'm not a whore and you haven't given me any money for that to happen anyway." He looked like he was about to offer money, "You don't pay for sex, remember?" Or at least I thought he'd said something like that in Origins. Huh… he might not have. But he didn't strike me as the kind of guy that struggled to find willing tail.

            Suspicion cut through the lust, "You know me?" He reached for me but I danced around him and settled into the tub again, soap firmly in hand.

            "Leliana." It was that simple. Leliana despised him in the beginning, and if she'd thought about it I'm sure she would have warned me. I gave him a cheeky smile, "Besides, that snowflake line? Can you get any cheesier?"

            "Perhaps it was not my best." He admitted though there was no remorse in his tone. His eyes darted to the vast space around me. "May I?" His hand hovered around the laces of his breeches.

            A knock came at the door. "You may answer the door." I wiggled my eyebrows, "I ordered food and we have to leave soon."

            "Work, work, work." He grumbled playfully as he moved toward the door.

            I quickly set about scrubbing myself clean. Perhaps it had not been the best idea to strip in front of _Zevran_ of all people. Too late to take it back now.

            I finished bathing before Zevran set the food out on a table in the front part of the room. A towel sat by the side of the tub and I wrapped it around me before emerging for my bags that were still by the door.

            "Smells good." I commented. I'd eaten nothing but hard tack for a long time, basically since I left the cabin with Stefan with two good meals in between.

            "Greta's cook is one of the best in the city." Zevran replied as he popped something that looked suspiciously like a grape into his mouth. "Her mutton is excellent." I felt his eyes on me as I dressed quickly in loose breeches and a well-worn shirt. "Leliana did not disclose any details other than I was to meet an elf with silver hair and that 'I would know her when I saw her'." I hummed in his direction as I finished with my laces.

            "I suppose you want to know what I'm doing here then?" I asked as I picked up my plate and popped a piece of cheese into my mouth. A slight moan slipped from my throat. His lids fell and he stared at my lips again. "A contract has been taken out on the Herald. Leliana wants us to find the Crow house that has accepted it and I'm assuming eliminate them, or persuade them its healthier for their lives in the long run to leave Ellana alone."

            Zevran laughed, it was a full belly laugh that I would have expected out of someone twice his size. He tossed his head back and his shoulders shook slightly. It took a moment before he ceased and returned his gaze to me, "That…" his words stalled on his lips, "You are quite serious."

            "Deadly." I intoned as I ripped of a chunk of bread with my teeth. "I do not joke about killing Zevran."

            "It is such an amusing topic though." It seemed like it was an attempt to lighten the mood.

            "You don't want to do it." I accused as I dropped into a chair next to the fire.

            "Nor should I." He defended, "I am still a wanted man in Antiva City. Going there with me would put a price on your lovely head."

            "You let me worry about my head." I grinned, "I'll worry about yours too." I winked and set down my now empty plate and stood. "I leave now, are you coming?"

            Zevran sighed, "I will not let it be said I left a beautiful woman wanting." He sat down and set to eating his food. I hummed at him again to get his attention. He swallowed and looked up.

            Before I could think about it anymore I leaned down and covered his lips with my own. A surprised sound left his throat and his hands shot up to tangle in my hair. His tongue darted past my lips and I moaned as he tilted my head to deepen it.

            The kiss was fast and hard, sending a pulse through my body of pure pleasure. My fingers tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck and I found myself straddling his hips. His hand swept out and pushed his plate aside. He freed a hand to undo my laces.

            Too quickly I ended it, pushing gently against his chest. I was positive my lips were swollen and there was a greedy look in his hooded eyes.

            "Sorry," I whispered against his lips, "I just had to know." I pressed another kiss to his lips before I climbed off his lap and gathering my things. "Meet me at the docks?"

            The sound of a strangled chuckle followed my words. "Yes, _mi cara_ , I will follow you."

            To where I didn't know but it sounded like this was going to be such _fun_.


	6. Dashed Hope Hurts More Than Not Hoping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Not even…" it breathed deeply and then let out a longing sigh, "a way home?"
> 
> I jerked to a halt and spun around. A smug smile crossed feminine features. My eyes narrowed and I just stared at it.
> 
> "I have your attention now little she-elf."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, there is a little naughty bit at the beginning but what else were they going to do on a ship bound toward Antiva?
> 
> Thank you so much for those of you who comment, they make this little writers day so much brighter. I love feed back and the kudos are amazing too!

I found a ship that promised to make the trip to Antiva City in five days. They boasted it took them a week but I wanted better, so I was promised every scrap of sail from here to Antiva. I dropped seventy gold but thought nothing of it. Seventy gold was quite a sum, but something told me that Ellana's life was priceless right now. If I had it I would have given thousands.

            It was the last night on the ship that Zevran cornered me. There had been teasing and light touches in passing, nothing serious. I made sure to keep it that way. But when he cornered me and gave me that _look_ and uttered very smooth words I lost all sense.

            Wood dug into my back as he slammed me up against a wall. My hair fell around us in waves as I leaned into him and planted another heavy kiss on his lips. He growled under me and gripped my hips tighter. He lifted me causing the kiss to break. I let a high pitched whine escape my lips and I tried to squiggle down to his level again.

            I continued to rise farther up his body. My head swiveled to glance at the ceiling. "Uh… getting rather close."

            "You are?" Zevran chuckled between placing wet sloppy kisses along my stomach. "I haven't even started yet _mi cara_."

            "The ceiling you jackas-" I sucked in a breath as he hooked one of my legs over his shoulder and pushed his tongue against my core. "Holy _shiiiit…_ " the words ground out of me as he sucked my clit into his mouth before flicking it with the tip of his tongue.

            I forgot how close the ceiling was—my back was up against it and my torso was curled around Zevran's head, _not_ that I was paying attention or anything—and focused on the way his tongue felt against me. He did something that caused his teeth to scrape lightly against tender flesh. It sent a spike of pleasure through me and I slapped a hand against the ceiling repetitively when he repeated the motion.

            He groaned in satisfaction and shifted positions under me.

            A startled yelp shot out of me when one of his hands left the under part of my thigh. I wobbled for a moment before I steadied myself. My other leg was quickly shoved over his shoulder and I expected his hand to go back to its original position. I had been wrong.

            Two fingers swirled around, coating themselves in my juices. Another gasp was startled out of me when he pushed them inside, a moan quickly followed as he started to pump them in and out.

            Breath came hard and fast for the both of us. His hand moving quickly, the friction became almost too much and I felt my thighs start to shake. He hummed an approving note and pushed harder against me.

            A keening wail sliced through the otherwise silent cabin and it took a moment for me to understand that it was _me_ making that noise. I quickly shut that down though the damage was done. Zevran made a triumphant noise under me.

            I went limp, unable to hold myself still for a moment. Zevran, sexy beast he was, was completely prepared for it and gently lowered me. His face shone with my slick, a stupid grin covered his face and he opened his mouth. I could see vulgar words forming in his eyes and I didn't want to hear it.

            Before a single syllable left his mouth I covered his lips with mine and tugged my legs free from his grasp. Hands on his chest I shoved him backward until the back of his knees collided with the bed. I broke the kiss and shoved him again. The grin on his lips widened and he held his arms out toward me, fingers beckoning me forward.

            Slowly I shook my head and dropped to my knees. His eyes followed me and he looked like he didn't dare hope to think of what I was doing. A smirk of my own crossed my lips as I took him into my mouth. I groaned at his length and taste. I was a little rusty. Turian teeth are sharp as hell and not conductive to putting around reproductive parts. Male Turian's did _not_ appreciate my offers.

            I swirled my tongue around him, hand coming up to curl around the base of him. He grunted and his hips jerked, his hand curling in my hair. I let a low hum travel up my throat and he hissed as he bucked again. Suddenly his fingers tightened against my scalp and he tentatively pushed down. I allowed it and bobbed back up; when he pushed down again and I didn't stop him he then set the pace, it was slower than I expected of a man. Most men like it fast, loved the friction. Zevran liked it slow.

            He pulled out of my mouth and reached for me. He didn't have to pull me hard to get me to move up. There was a haze that coated his eyes, pupils blown wide and I smiled at the look on his face as I straddled his hips.

            "Such a sinful mouth." I rolled my eyes and he gave the gesture a new meaning when he thrust up into me. I straightened, arching my back. His palms covered my breasts and slowly slid down them until his fingers caught my nipples. He gave a light twist and I bucked against him slightly. He smiled, "What a wicked woman."

            His hips twisted under me and pulled a sharp gasp from me. He stilled for a moment before desire flashed through his eyes and a delighted grin crossed his face. He thrust up hard and I made a little mewling sound. He laughed and did it again, eliciting the same sound from me.

            In a flash I was on my back with one knee pressed to my shoulder. He slammed into me, hitting that same spot and I moaned, hands outstretched and reaching for him. My other knee pressed into my shoulder and he leaned back, eyes watching me closely. I twisted one way and then another.

            Trapped, he had me pinned to where I was unable to move and it drove me _wild_. I panted heavily under him. He pushed me closer to the edge with every thrust until I couldn't take it anymore. Despite his hold my torso twisted and I pushed my face into a pillow to muffle my scream. I heard a _tsking_ noise a mere moment before the pillow was pulled from me.

            "Let them here you, _mi cara_." His tone was sinful. I clenched around him and his steady rhythm stuttered once and then again. A grunt left him and he pressed deeper into me before stilling completely.

            "Holy f-ing shit." I gasped as he slid from between my legs to sprawl next to me on my now messy bed.

            "A complement?" Zevran asked, amusement coating his tone, "I must have performed well for such high praise."

            "Stop fishing, you caught me." I muttered as I rolled over and pressed into his side.

            "And a wonderful catch you are, _mi cara_." His arm wrapped around my shoulder and he pressed his nose into my hair before inhaling.

            We lay there for a long time, long enough that his breathing became shallow and even. His heart rate calmed and when he let out the cutest little snore I'd ever heard in my life I knew he fell asleep.

            Slowly I shifted under him until I was free. Casual sex? Sure, I'm game. Cuddling while sleeping? Nope, I kicked out enough heat for three people and I didn't like that kind of intimacy in a one night stand. It was too easy to get attached, and then lines started blurring. Blurred lines could be very dangerous and not something I was willing to let happen again.

            Standing I threw on a loose shirt. Crossing to the small table in the corner of the cabin I found a lantern. I fumbled in the dark for half a second before I found flint and steel. Two strikes and the candle within caught. I closed all but one shutter and sat in a chair.

            Zevran continued to snore and I fell asleep to his rhythmic breathing.

 

_The landscape shifted back and forth, like it wasn't set in stone. I blinked several times and stared up at the green sky. Slowly I rubbed the palm of my hand against my eyes before sitting up. Everything looked to be in some sort of gray color scheme, except for the sky. The sky was acid green._

_The ground was hard under the bare skin of my thigh. Small pebbles pushed against me, making me slightly uncomfortable. Rising to my feet I looked around._

Huh _, I thought. I'd dreamed of this place before, not **this** particular place because the area around me was unfamiliar but everything else was familiar. If that made sense. It didn't to me. _

_"Hmmm…."_

_The noise startled me. I was the only one around for as far as they eye could see. Automatically I fell into a fighting stance and looked closer._

_"How interesting… a she-elf who is not an elf." The sound came from directly behind me and when I spun I saw Desire twisting in the air. The she looking demon ran a hand up its body, head tilting as it regarded me. "Or are you?" It sounded utterly confused. "You are like nothing I've ever seen."_

_Well at least **that** made sense. And probably meant that I was the only Earthling running around Thedas, which while comforting, was slightly disheartening. I was hoping someone had seen one of us running around and would know how to get home. Now it seemed that I was even further from finding a pathway back to Earth. _

_"Well, as enlightening as this is…" I trailed off and picked a random direction, "I'll just be going now."_

_"I can give you your deepest desires, young she-elf." Its voice was sickly sweet and it grated against my nerves._

_"For the low, low price of my soul!" I shot back, "Thanks, but no thanks. You've nothing I want."_

_It hummed and followed me. Followed me so close that I could almost feel its claws graze against the back of my neck._

_Demons scared the fuck out of me and made me jitterier than a worm at dawn. Cracking my neck I continued to walk and ignored it to the best of my ability._

_"Not even…" it breathed deeply and then let out a longing sigh, "a way home?"_

_I jerked to a halt and spun around. A smug smile crossed feminine features. My eyes narrowed and I just stared at it._

_"I have your attention now little she-elf."_

_"How?"_

_"By dangling what you want mossst…."_

_"Not that stupid, how do I get home?" Deliberately playing dumb was not an attractive quality when they held something you wanted over your head. No it just pissed me off._

_"And why should I tell you?" It twisted and coiled in on itself, "When you want to offer me nothing in return?"_

_I glared at it. Stupid deals. "How 'bout I let you live?"_

_"Such feisty words from someone who won't even admit who they are." It smiled at me again, showing razor sharp fangs._

_"What does that mean?" I forced my eyes to remain on its face as it ran another hand up its body. "What do you know about me that I don't?" My voice raised to a shout._

_"You've become tooooo interesssting." It hissed, "Perhapsss another night little she-elf."_

_Pain, sharp and biting wracked my brain. I screamed, hands shooting to my head in attempt to protect it from whatever was attacking me. Blindly I ran as figures started to crop up out of the ground. Terror gripped me, pushing past the pain. I stumbled over a random rock and almost went down. My feet worked double time to right the rest of my body, little pricks of pain struggled to free my mind from the fear that encompassed me completely._

_If I'd bothered to look behind me I would have noticed a trail of blood, left by my own feet. But I didn't, I just moved as quickly as my body let me. There was no other thought in my head, except to escape._

_Something called my name. The sound was enticing and that scared me more than the shadow figures dancing along the walls, their fingers stretching farther than they had any right too._

_One of those sets of fingers caught me 'round the arm. They gripped tight and pulled me in a different direction. I kicked out, screaming in desperation._

_The area around me melted and I was thrown into a replica of Haven. The fingers released me and I was instantly swinging. No demon was going to take me over._

_"Calm yourself, da'len."_

_"I am not a child." The words flew from my lips and I glared at those striking blue eyes._

_"Apologies." Solas inclined his head, eyes averted from me. "You draw far too much attention to yourself, Luna."_

_I urged to snap at him. But my fear was not his fault. I breathed deeply, willing my subconscious to release the fear that was coiled in my gut. Slowly I managed to get ahold of myself._

_I **knew** strong emotions drew demons, moths to a flame. _

_Finally I released a breath and felt something in me snap. Everything inside of me released the tension I'd been holding. My fingers tangled in my hair and I chanced a look at Solas._

_"I suppose I should thank you." I muttered. He had saved my bacon. "How did you find me?"_

_"Your screams echo through the fade." He still didn't look at me and I wondered why. I chanced a shot in the dark._

_"So… you save me, but you don't like me?" I added amusement to my tone to hide some form of hurt that I wasn't willing to analyze at the moment._

_"What drew you to that conclusion?" His tone matched mine, though his seemed genuine._

_"Can't bring yourself to even look at me?" I asked, "Not once?" My body leaned forward of its own accord, trying to get into his line of sight._

_The tips of his ears colored as he turned his gaze toward me, "You are not clothed as a woman should be in the presence of one not their lover."_

_Not their…? I glanced down and saw that he was indeed correct. I was in nothing more than my willowy sleeping shirt. It hung off of one shoulder, the sleeve dipping down to mid bicep and the hemline barely covering all my naughty bits._

_"So it would seem." My eyes flashed in annoyance. I was not aware that one went into the fade in what they wore in the waking world. "I like to sleep comfortably."_

_"As do I," he took a step closer, eyes refusing to glance down, "though I have enough control of my mind to clothe myself properly."_

_I grinned at what his words suggested, "Do you sleep in the buff?" My legs took a step forward without my permission. What the **fuck?** Why was my body suddenly doing things without my say so? I didn't like it one bit, I was in control. I needed to be in control. _

_"Perhaps one day you will find out." I blinked at his words. Did he just flirt with me? Mr. I-must-be-proper-at-all-times did not randomly flirt with people. Me least of all, I made him angry; a fact I was proud of. He did not like me._

_Except, it seemed that he did, unless I was reading things wrong. Which I was known to do from time to time, I am not a sneaky sneak notice everything kind of girl._

_I blinked and he was in front of me. "Iras ema ma haim, ma'da'evune?" Was he speaking Elvhen at me? Did I look like that kind of elf? Did I suddenly sprout tattoos on my face when I wasn't looking?_

_No, I was pretty sure that I hadn't._

_Something rose in my chest and my tongue wasn't my own anymore. Something else was inside my body with me, forcing me to move. To speak. It wrapped itself around my soul and commanded everything from the lids of my eyes to my pinky toe. Strangely familiar and terrifying in the same instant. It was like a piece of me but outside of my consciousness._

_And whatever it was, it **recognized** the man in front of me._

_"Ma'fen?" My mouth moved, lips molding lovingly around the words. Inside I raged, beyond the point of livid. I watched, helpless as my hand reached for his face, fingers curled as if to cup his cheek. He reached for me too, something lighting his eyes on fire with passion, with desire._

_That sensation, like being drunk and pushing through the haze, of looking through your eyes and knowing that you know them but don't remember where you know them from. That is what this felt like, and something inside of me was weeping with joy at the sight of Solas looking at me like… like…._

_Like he wanted to devour me._

_It scared me more than my previous flight from demons had, the way he was looking at me. It scared me more than anything else in my life ever had and I wanted nothing more than to regain control of my body in that moment._

_The cutest little snore I'd ever heard in my life interrupted us. I watched as those passionate blue eyes turned to ice. His fingers gripped my wrist to the point that it hurt, a lot._

_"Perhaps we should have this discussion when you aren't entertaining guests."_

_I ripped my arm free of his grasp and stumbled back, glad beyond words that I was in control of myself again. Oh lord I would bang Zevran every day for a year for his timely interruption. Twice if he asked._

_"What the hell was that?" I snarled as I took another three steps back. Things were too close, everything felt like it was pressing down on me. "What did you do?"_

_"Nothing." He flicked a hand in my direction and I—_

 

Slammed into a sitting position, knocking my elbow against the table. The motion almost caused me to send the lit lantern crashing to the floor. My breath slammed in and out of me, heart pounding like a war drum in my chest.

            What the fuck was that?

            It took a long time for the panic to abate, for my breathing to return to normal, for me to feel safe in my own skin. I'd never felt so helpless in all of my life, not even when I'd been on Earth. Not when…

            I sucked in a breath and wiped a finger under my eye. Shit I was crying.

            Zevran stirred on the bed, his eyes blinking furiously in attempt to clear the sleep from them. "Luna?" His voice was still raspy from sleep.

            Quickly I slammed the shutter shut on the lamp and hummed quietly in his direction.

            "Come to bed, _mi cara_." His voice not quite a command but it was close enough that it set my hackles on edge.

            "I'm not sleepy." It was an effort to keep anger out of my voice. It was not his fault that I was mad and so it wasn't fair to take it out on him.

            He smirked and sat up. My gaze flicked down, to the spot between his legs. "I have a cure for that." He stood very much erect.

            I chuckled quietly to myself before I stood and met him half way across the floor; my shirt hit the ground as I reached him.

            This I controlled. This was my decision. And no one was going to take it from me ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... writing smut is a little awkward... and I feel like it could have gone better than it did. But Zevran is sex on a stick and Rasdra was correct, they have chemistry!
> 
> And that dream! Man! It freaked me out to write it. What the hell Solas? Or was it actually him? Is there something else inside of Luna? Can you imagine it? Lurking just below the surface, waiting for the right moment to take over again? That is a complete 'nope' moment for me!
> 
> AHH! I just realized that I didn't translate the Elvhen for you guys!
> 
> Iras ema ma haim, ma'da'evune- Where have you gone, my little moon?
> 
> Ma'fen- My wolf


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I pulled my thoughts together, forcing everything that Zevran told me about the house to the back of my mind. I was not supposed to know the layout. I didn't know the names of people inside or what they looked like. I was not going to go rogue. I was going to stick to the plan and not get dead. I would not kill the first person I met because I couldn't guarantee that they were anything other than a working woman/man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! Another chapter out! Thank you for all the kudos and comments so far, they are amazing and I love each and every one.

Antiva City was beautiful under the light of two moons. Windows here and there threw sparkling lights against the calm waters of the bay as the ship drifted closer to the docks. My eyes darted everywhere, trying to take it all in.

            It was quiet, in that special part of the morning when the night crowd was just laying down to sleep and the early birds had yet to rise.

            One by one the lights started to go out, until all that was left were the tall lanterns that lit the city streets.

            The city itself had five levels that I could count. Each higher than the last until the top layer stood proud with a shroud of stars acting as a back drop. The higher the level the more extravagant the buildings were, the less there were of them.

            "I never thought to look upon my home again." Zevran whispered next to me. "Are you sure of this _mi cara_?"

            I nodded resolutely at his side. This was one thing I was absolutely sure of. Ellana needed to be protected so she could save the world. I'd never stand in the spotlight on my own, and I was fine with that. I didn't want it. All I wanted was to live in a world I felt safe.

            I hadn't felt safe in the futuristic version of my home and naïvely tried to return to my point of origin thinking that was the only place I'd feel safe again. Now I had my doubts that I'd ever feel safe anywhere, not with the thing hiding in my body. Whatever it was.

            It was something that I couldn't tell anyone. People here would assume I was possessed and lop my head off. So while it terrified me there was no one I could confide in… to me that made it a moot point. If it wasn't something I could confront head on and find a solution it was something I was better off ignoring.

            And that was the plan. To ignore my ass off.

            "Do you have any idea which House would have taken the contract?" I asked quietly as I slipped closer to him. Blurred lines be damned, I needed a little bodily comfort. That was something that Zevran was willing to offer without attachment. After all he'd only loved one woman in his life and she didn't exist in this world. I wasn't even sure if the Cousland family had two children in this reality.

            As if sensing my distraught mood he wrapped an arm around me and tucked me to his side. "There is only one house that would attempt such a thing." Zevran shook his head, "They are the only one foolish enough to attack the person who can save the world. Money is the only thing they see."

            "Great, do we know where they are?"

            Zevran looked like he desperately wanted to say no, but that wasn't the man that I knew he was. "My old home." He pointed to one of the only buildings whose windows still had light shining from them.

            And everything made sense. Zevran was a smart man, he would have known the instant I told him that we were going after the people who had a contract out for his life. I wrapped an arm around him in attempt to offer comfort. It felt strange to me but he didn't shy away.

            "Well, they probably won't enjoy this homecoming." I winced, "Have anyone you're fond of inside there?"

            "Not anymore."

 

 _Stick to the plan_. I chanted it over and over again. It was a good plan. There was nothing wrong with a good plan. Except that plans couldn't account for every little detail. Zevran had been gone from this house for a very long time. What if the position of the furniture was wrong? Or the lineup had changed? What if they started keeping kids in the basement rather than the attic?

            Basically plans made me jumpy and I was not a good team player when jumpy. I got an itchy trigger finger and a quick right hook. Though the trigger finger wouldn't hurt anyone here, but that thought didn't make me feel better.

            Zevran's shadow fell across mine and I squashed the desire to look up at him. That would give away his position and I was not dumb. At least not all the time. He would come in through the attic. Said that it was the wrong time of year for kids to be sleeping in the house this early. They'd be awake and doing chores.

            I, unfortunately, would be going through the front door pretending to look for work.

            See… the house was… to put it delicately… a house of pleasure? Oh forget it, I was never subtle. It was a whore house, okay? Or at least that was the front. In all actuality it contained one of the larger Crow Cells and the building itself had tunnels that spanned deep underground. One of the old leaders was paranoid or something and issued an order for a labyrinth to be created under the city.

            Only that crazy asshole knew the quickest and easiest route through the tunnels that let out somewhere down the coast line along with a supply cache and a boat decked out for one person. Now the tunnels had become part of the local smuggling ring but the Crows patrolled it because several of them connected to their home. So we couldn't use _that_ entrance to just kill everyone in their sleep.

            I did mention the old leader had been paranoid right? And it turns out he had good cause. Cause of death? Knife to the back. Apparently he wasn't paranoid enough though! Ha!

            That wasn't very funny or nice, but…

            I pulled my thoughts together, forcing everything that Zevran told me about the house to the back of my mind. I was not supposed to know the layout. I didn't know the names of people inside or what they looked like. I was not going to go rogue. I was going to stick to the plan and not get dead. I would not kill the first person I met because I couldn't guarantee that they were anything other than a working woman/man.

            And I really didn't like to kill innocents. Bleeding heart, remember? One day it was going to get me killed and all I could hope for was that this one would stick because I didn't know how many other realities I could handle.

            Honestly there is only so much crazy a woman can take.

            Sucking in a breath I pushed my anxieties and babbling to the side and knocked boldly on the door. A cop knock. Remember those? Two in the morning, drunk off your butt and someone decides to mess with you by banging really loudly on the wall and or table and your gullible ass believed there was a sheriff at the door so you shut off the music and swore to the empty doorway that you'd keep it down?

            Remember? No? Well wasn't I a bad influence.

            I fully expected someone to be at the door inside of three minutes. So when five rolled around and no one showed up? Well that had me adding to my anxiousness. So I knocked again, because the plan had not covered anyone not coming to the door. If no one answered then I was going to be forced to go rogue and trust me, no one, _no one_ wanted that.

            The plan also didn't cover a kid that came up to my shoulder answering the door. Yes I was little, but she was littler.

            I was going to have to go rogue. Damn it all to hell.

            The girl stared at me with blank eyes. She had what looked like bruises under her eyes but it might also been from lack of sleep. She was a little on the thin side but that could be attributed to a fast metabolism. She was not necessarily being abused or mistreated in anyway.

            And that wasn't what I was here for. I was here to put an end to the threat on Ellana's life and that was exactly what I was going to do.

            "Hello." I waved at her, unsure of how to interact with children. At this point I was convinced that I'd shot out of my mother fully grown because I could not, for the life of me, remember what it was like to be a kid anymore. "Is there an adult around?"

            She shook her head at me. Was she a mute? God damn, son of a _bitch_. I had to get her to let me into the house somehow.

            I went to open my mouth and ask another question. I was getting in this house one way or another. I was half way to forming a complete and whole sentence that would have been spectacular.

            However the kid narrowed her eyes and a shiv—a _damn shiv—_ appeared in her hand. She lunged forward, aiming high. I let loose a complex string of curses that may or may not have been related to her birthing and or conceiving process.

            My body jerked into action before I knew what was happening. It slammed into the girl's hand and shoved it sideways; fingers wrapped around her wrist and I yanked it into an awkward angle before banging it against the door frame. She dropped the shiv but kicked out with a boney foot.

            The foot I was not prepared for. I gave an 'oof' of surprise and drop kicked the little girl into the house. She collided with the wall behind her, slumping over.

            "Please be unconscious." I whispered as I moved forward, fingers stretched out to look for a pulse. I did _not_ just kill a little girl that may or may not be a crazy midget assassin. "Ha! You are alive-ARG!"

            The little girl's eyes snapped open and her fingers jammed themselves into my solar plexus.

            Enough was enough.

            I glared at the evil devil bitch spawn of Satan as I bent over and sucked in air. This was not happening, I fought in too many skirmishes for a child to be whooping my ass. I lashed out with a hand, fingers digging into her hair. Her hands shot up to wrap around my wrist but I didn't let it slow me. I slammed her head into the wall twice and when she went limp I dropped her.

            Just to be clear I do _not_ condone violence against children but the little heifer had it coming. On a hunch I leaned down and pulled her upper lip up. There were no little ridges on her teeth and those bad boys were definitely not baby teeth.

            She was completely like that crazy wench off of that horror movie!

            Relief flooded me. I had not just kicked a kids butt. I kicked a fully grown woman's butt in a kid's body. That was a much more acceptable outcome.

            That's when I heard a creak issue from the direction the stairs were supposed to be. My head darted up to meet the eyes of four more people. These ones were fully grown adults with knives much bigger than a shiv in their hands.

            I'd officially gone rogue.

            My hand swept under my cloak and I slit the throat of the tiny girl/woman that lay against the wall. It wasn't fair to her but if I left her alive she was bound to come for revenge and I'd spent enough time looking over my shoulder for enemies. I didn't need to make any more of them in this realm.

            The first one tackled me. The resulting _thump_ was too loud to be ignored so I figured phase one of the plan was fully in action, which was to create a distraction. I wasn't supposed to _be_ the distraction but beggars can't be choosers.

            I bucked with my whole body throwing the long haired person off of me, quickly I rolled on top of them and drove my knife into their throat. A hand in my hair pulled me backward and the knife, slippery with the Satan spawn's blood, slipped through my fingers.

            Placing both of my hands on top of the strange hand in my hair I spun under their arm, twisted it, lifted it higher and kicked their knee out from them. There was a sickening pop and a scream. The man's—yes I was _sure_ this time—knife dropped into my waiting hand as he scrambled to clutch his dislocated shoulder. His knife went into his ear.

            A shiver of disgust ran through me at the resulting squishy sound as I delved into his brain. Ick.

            Quickly I dropped him and spun to the remaining two. These one were wary of me now and I couldn't help but feel like I tipped my hand a little too early. I had a card up my sleeve but I didn't really want to throw it on the table. And I wasn't sure it was necessarily a  _card_ that was going to work. I was a gambling woman, who knew?

            "Well?" I snapped as I glared between the two of them. They were both males. Each of them flashed the other a look. When they decided to move I _knew_. It was a feeling deep down in my gut. The slight tensing of muscle gave them away, the quick inhalation of breath as they prepared to bust into action.

            So I did it first. But I didn't give them any little neon sign that I had decided to do it. I just _did_ it. I hit idiot number one—INO—first but idiot number two—INT—caught my fist as I went to ram it into him a second time. A hand around my waist hauled my whole five foot three body into the air which left me with one option. 

            I hooked my legs around INO's neck and pulled him close. His jaw rested against my pelvic bone and I took the time to lock my legs into place. Pain blossomed in my nether regions as he tried to break free of my naughty head lock. INT squeezed hard and it felt like something popped in my chest. A brilliant blossom of agony slipped through my body, rendering me almost speechless. 

            Almost.

            "Stop that!" I snapped as I squeezed my thighs and jerked sideways. The man went limp and I dropped him.

            Just in time too because INT hurled me through the air. Looking back I probably should have expected it because he was probably six two and close to two hundred and thirty pounds. Meaning he had about a buck twenty five on me.

            I jerked in pain as my body collided with the corner of a wall and something _else_ popped. An awesome bruise would sprout in minutes on top of my not completely healed wounds I'd gotten from the demon close to two weeks ago. Man, why did I talk myself into these things again?

            "Do we have to kill her?" Someone asked from behind me. I shot to my feet and moved until I had everyone in my line of sight. Three more had shuffled down the stairs, they looked lazily in my direction. One of them was a red headed female that was twirling a dagger around her fingertips. Wonderful.

            "I don't know Juno, have you seen what she's done?" INT asked sarcastically as he pointed to the four bodies on the floor. Juno looked at me, her eyes full of crazy.

            "Did you really do that sweet heart?" She stuck her lower lip out. I shrugged and lifted one corner of my mouth. "Tell mama you'll be a good girl and come quietly." Mama?

            "Come down here and we'll find out." I really didn't want her too but Zevran was insistent that there was roughly twenty—give or take one or two—inside the home and I had eight here with me, including the bodies on the floor. So that left like fourteen and if they weren't here with me then they'd found him or they were stupid heavy sleepers because I had not been quiet through any of this.

            Oh yeah, I'm a screamer.

            Her face split in two, a demented smile pulling her lips wider than I was comfortable with. I really didn't want to tango with her because you don't mess with women crazier than you were. It just wasn't a good idea.

            You just don't stick your dick in crazy, yeah?

            Reflex took over and I threw a fist out pulling on the power within me.

            Objects around the room started to float and the assassins eyes grew wide as they watched my singularity grow.

            "Fuck yes!" I pumped a fist in the air before bringing my hands together and ripping them apart in a fluid motion. The singularity exploded, sending out a shock wave of energy. It slammed them into the walls and I went to work. They couldn't take me now.

            I dashed forward, charging them. At the last second I jumped into the air, fisting both hands together and slammed them into the ground, shockwave blasted out of my joined hands. It threw everything in its path into the air, I didn't halt my movements. Spinning I stood, bringing a single hand into the air and used slam. The floating enemies crashed into the ground. The sound of breaking bones was loud.

            A feral grin claimed my lips as I stood in a wrecked room. My biotics felt stronger here, which was strange. Biotic powers were brought forth by element zero exposure and amplified by the amp and biotic chip implanted in our brains. The only explanation was…

            My fingers ghosted over the back of my neck. I applied pressure over the spot I knew my amp had been.

            Turian's don't have skin. Not like humans do, they have an exoskeleton. Plating that covered their soft insides. Meaning that my amp had been imbedded into the chitin like substance. The only thing I could think of was… when I passed through and _grew_ skin the amp moved to my actual skeleton instead of where it had been.

            A fist slammed into my gut, bringing me to the here and now. Sucking in breath I spun and lashed out with a booted foot.

            By the time I was done I was breathing heavily but I was the only one breathing. The bodies lay skewed around me, limbs bent the wrong direction. Three more had come down the stairs to join in the fight. I reveled in my biotic might, thinking of my training days and of the times I held nothing back.

            But I didn't have the luxury of walking down memory lane because if the sounds of the fighting upstairs were any indication, Zevran was in trouble. I forced my body to move, for my hands to swipe up and stash weapons across my body, for my legs to run up the stairs, for my mind to shut down for a few blessed moments so we could get out of here.

            And to not get dead.

 

It seemed to take longer than it actually did. Zevran made out worse than I, but only just. He had a fractured arm, a swollen knee and a black eye. I walked out with a limp, one massive bruise on my back, one around my waist—INT was uber strong and I hated him right now—and a wounded ego. Not to mention the various dubious poppings that happened during my fight. Wasn't sure what they were about but I should  _probably_ get them checked out. Meaning that I wouldn't and I'd bitch about it for a few days. 

            I was, in fact, not all that and a bag of chips. I had very nearly gotten Zevran killed—I would never forgive myself—and myself as well. The mission was completed but it didn't feel like a victory. I'd kept my biotics to myself as soon as I reached the stairs. I didn't know how the people in this world would react to me having this kind of 'magic'. I'd probably be labeled as dangerous and put down.

            So while we won, the victory felt hollow.

            It tasted like ash in my mouth. I had done it but it felt like I lost a piece of myself in the process and it wasn't something that I could explain or rationalize because I'd _gained_ something. Logically we had come out on top despite the odds stacked against us. Two people taking down two dozen? It was practically unheard of in this age unless you had magic at your fingertips.

            Something neither of us had. Technically.

            I couldn't shake the feeling that I'd done something wrong, and I almost never felt like that. I made a decision and whatever may be thrown in my path was collateral. Up to a certain point at least, I did have morals but none of them had been crossed tonight. Which started—and usually ended—with innocent lives. We'd taken none tonight and even left money for the children we found hiding in the basement because I was not a monster despite what my mind was trying to tell me.

            So why did I feel this way?

            Zevran and I did not speak to each other on the way back to the ship. We decided it was best to get out of dodge—my words—before the city guard was alerted that a massacre had taken place inside the city limits. The city guard being the other Crow Cells because the Crows were basically the police system controlled by anyone wealthy enough to buy them. Sooner or later someone was going to figure out that no one had hired anyone to take out that particular House and they would start asking questions.

            Both of us did not want to be around for their particular brand of justice. Or, at least that's what I thought.

            "You aren't coming?" I asked in a monotone voice. Emotions were slipping through my fingers like water drops. I couldn't scrape two of them up to rub them together. Later I would feel something, because I allowed the lines to blur. Like I had with Stefan, but that hurt less because he was gone. He wasn't planning on prancing around Feralden trying to take over the entire kingdom.

            Which is what Zevran was going to do with the Crows. I sighed and rubbed the back of my hand into my eyes. I knew it wasn't going to last but I sought comfort, I was an idiot. Again. Something I promised myself I wasn't going to do and yet I did it every time. What's worse is I _knew_ what Zevran was like. And I couldn't blame it on my bleeding heart because hearts learned eventually.

            Or someone should tell them too because I was getting tired of this.

            "Oh _mi cara_ ," Zevran sighed as he pulled me close. "Leliana would skewer me if she discovered I'd stolen your heart."

            That managed to earn a dry chuckle from me. Gotten into my pants and into my head I would maybe admit, but I would never say anyone _stole_ my heart. I'd give it freely, to the right person but they'd never come because they didn't exist.

            "Watch that inflated ego of yours," I advised. "It'll get you killed if you aren't careful."

            "You wound me!" He grabbed his heart in mock pain and then winced in real pain when he jarred his arm. "A kiss to make it better?"

            I shook my head, lips cracking into a small grin. "Men." I snorted as I leaned up and gently pressed a kiss to his lips. "If you are ever in my part of the world look me up."

            "Hungry mabari could not keep me away."

            I raised an eyebrow at him, "They eat humans, just so you know." I winked at him and climbed on board the ship that carried us here.

            I'd sent a letter to Leliana and asked her deliver as much gold as we could spare for the speedy trip home. I don't know if she would agree when she got the letter but I'd given him almost everything I had left on me, including most of my own personal gold. The captain agreed to carry me back to Amaranthine but advised that he needed to stop at a few ports along the way. The gold I'd given him would only get him so far and he had a crew to worry about.

            I set only one stipulation. That we'd get back there before the two week mark of our departure.

            I did not want to lose Bread too.

 

The road back to Haven was uneventful. Even my dreams were peaceful, which was almost a first for me despite my lack of being able to remember them. It was as if someone or something altered the course of my subconscious, steering me away from choppy waters to the shallows where I actually got a good night's sleep and woke up sweat free. It was nice. Unsettling… but nice.

            It turns out that Jak-Jak had been sold so there was no trading Bread for him. Bread was a better horse so it wasn't much of a loss. I just hoped that the scout—Joe, I think—I borrowed him from wasn't emotionally attached.

            It took me about a week to get back to Lothering this time because I refused to push Bread if we didn't need too. There was no hurry home, no scout or troop stopped me, no Templars or mages bothered me.

            For the first time in little under a year I was left alone with enough time on my hands to dwell on my thoughts, which was a bad thing for my mental health so I just… shut down. Bread knew the way home and when we passed Lothering I'd was closer to the fighting and I'd had to be on constant guard, leaving little in the way of spare time to think.

            Bread let out a soft whicker of distress when we didn't stop but just kept going. I patted his shoulder as I walked alongside him, offering up several sugar cubes to him. He took the bait, occasionally bumping my shoulder with his massive head in search for more.

            Around the time we were passing the Hinterlands I debated on stopping by Redcliffe to see if Ellana and the others were there. I missed human interaction. I stopped by the camp I left Nelly at only to find out that she, too, was gone. Killed in a Templar raid. One of the scouts was a mage and the Templars attacked.

            "It's okay." I stated for the third time, "She was a good horse, unwavering and I'm sure she did everything to get the scout home safely." I'd miss her gait though. She could be a right bitch when in heat, but it was worth it to see her pep.

            "She did, my lady." Joe dipped his head toward me. "Is there any word on Jak-Jak?"

            I shook my head, "I'm sorry, I fully intended on returning him to you but the farmer traded him for a plow horse. I have no idea where he ended up, but if I see him I'll snag him for you."

            He nodded at me much the same way I had when he gave me the news about Nelly. There wasn't a lot of hope in it.

            "The Herald hasn't come through here, has she?" Bread nudged me again, wanting another treat. Joe held out an apple and Bread happily munched into it.

            "Haven't you heard, my lady?" Joe asked, when I didn't respond he continued, "She left for Val Royeaux not three days past. Something about a meeting with the Chantry. Sister Leliana will know more when you make it back to Haven."

            I smiled and patted him on the shoulder. "Thanks Joe." He was alright in my book, he didn't see anything wrong with me, despite the shape of my ears. "Hey, let's get a drink if you're ever back at base, yeah?"

            His eyes twinkled merrily and he gave me a goofy grin. "Sounds like a good time to me." Anndd… he made it awkward. It was probably my fault, pretty girl asks man out for drink, man thinks with little brain and comes to wrong conclusion. It happened all the time and I wasn't about to hold it against him.

            Joe, gentleman that he was, gave me a leg up. Bread skittered sideways before I positioned myself properly. Once we were both square with each other he broke into a dead run, tossing his head every once in a while.

            His attitude impacted mine and when he gave a little buck I laughed and gave him his head. Haven was set in our sights along with all of the troubles of the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Biotics... am I right? Someone commented on how cool they would be in Thedas and I wanted to shout from the roof tops that it was in the story but I didn't want to give anything away. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	8. Salt in the Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quickly I righted myself on his back, proud that I hadn't actually fallen, and drew another arrow. It seemed that I would be participating in their audition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Morning and/or evening people, sorry for the delay, WoW's latest expansion went live last week and there was lots of stuff to do. But here is a chapter, I'll write more today and have another one up in the next couple days.

I saw to Bread before I even thought of making my way into Haven proper. The burrs had been brushed out of his coat and his main detangled, I even took the time to weave little braids into his main and tail. He whickered his approval around a mouthful of apples, hot mash was next followed by several sleeves of alfalfa. By the time I was done he looked like he was in horsey heaven.

            I, on the other hand, was moving like an old woman; groaning and creaking with every step. Mad dashes across Thedas were hella fun, but also extremely hard on the body. I was not looking forward to my bowl and pitcher instead of a tub.

            Slowly I walked through the town, bypassing my house entirely. If I went in there I wouldn't be coming out any time soon and I still had to give my verbal report to Leliana and see if she had anything else she wanted me to do. I was a scout now, one of her people and of the ones that I saw…

            We were a busy bunch. Which made me want to retch at this very moment but I had chosen this and all that came with it.

            Leliana wasn't in her tent when I walked by. Roderick—annoying ponce—was standing outside the Chantry inciting a crowd, telling anyone who would listen that their religion had forsaken them, that they were on their own out here.

            Folding my arms across my chest hurt, but I did it anyway because it made me look intimidating. Or at least I hoped it did, something told me that Roderick wasn't used to people treating him how Cassandra or I treated him, that he was used to a certain amount of respect that his uniform demanded.

            Too bad for him that I didn't conform very well.

            "Looking for sheep?" I called out. My voice boomed over his and the crowd parted for me. Whispers started where they had all been silent before. "Because I see a pack of wolves, not little halla ready to follow your every word."

            Roderick's face blossomed with red and his eyes narrowed, "You know nothing of our faith, elf." He spat it like it was a curse, and to him it probably was. "We have been abandoned and now is the time we must flock around each other for support."

            "You mean they need to flock around _you_." I started walking toward him, "You do not know for sure that the Chantry has forsaken this place or her people. There has been no official word, as of yet, and so you are inciting panic." My smile was tight as I stopped in front of him, "Useless."

            "I beg your pardon?"

            "Granted." I stepped past him and started for the inner Chantry, intent on reaching the war room. That is, until his words stopped me.

            "Your presence taints these hallowed halls." They were hissed and very quiet. I doubted any but me heard the high pitched whine of his voice.

            Slowly I turned and glared at him, "Every breath you take is an affront to humanity." I replied, though I didn't curb my voice, "Your cowardice in the face of trouble shows your true nature Chancellor. I hope your Maker smiles upon you and grants you bravery for the coming war."

            The whispers started again, my ears catching snippets of their conversations. Stories of the mountain side and what Ellana did and how I helped traveled through the crowd. Humans, easy to impress and easy to cower. Sighing I shook my head and started for the War Room again.

            "Enter." Someone called from the other side of the door as soon as my knuckles connected to the wood. Pushing open the door I saw Leliana and the other two leaning over the table. Cullen's head was turned toward the door and when he saw who it was he spoke again, "Leliana, one of your scouts to report."

            Her eyes met mine and she quickly walked round the table to lead us from the room. Her room was not far and that's where she took us.

            "I am surprised it took you this long to return." Leliana commented as she closed the door firmly behind me.

            "Apologies," I inclined my head. "I did not trade horses on the way back like I did on the way there." She waved a hand and indicated for me to start with my report. "The Antivan Crow House that took the contract on the Herald has been eliminated my earlier report stated. There were twenty four in total, not including the children."

            "Zevran?" Leliana asked. Something I knew she would because I told her that he had lived and hinted he would be returning with me.

            "Remained behind so he could attempt a hostile takeover of the Crows." She gave me a wry smile.

            "The children?"

            "We left money but chose not to remain at the scene longer than necessary."

            "Did you locate any information on who hired them?" I gave her a funny look, my mission had been to eliminate them. The Crows did not seem like the type of people to just leave contracts like that laying around. Leliana raised an eyebrow at me.

            "No ma'am," I shook my head. "Neither Zevran nor I came across any relevant information."

            Leliana nodded, "Very well." She crossed the room to her bed and rifled through several rolls of papers, "Your new orders."

            I popped the seal on it and quickly scanned the paper. "Storm Coast? Bull's Chargers?" The paper rolled itself up, used to that position, "You want to hire a merc group?" The Inquisition seemed like it had higher standards.

            "They wish to audition." Leliana corrected, "Cremisius Aclassi show up here last week requesting that we send one of our people to them. I want you to do it."

            "Why me?" I asked bluntly, "I thought I was going to watch Ellana?"

            "You will." Leliana stated as she shuffled things until they were in order, "The leader of this particular mercenary band, The Iron Bull, is a Qunari." She looked at me like it meant something, "Not only that but he is Ben Hassrath." Now that sounded like an entirely different language.

            "Ben Hassrath?" My lips molded around the words awkwardly.

            "Yes, Qunari spies." She watched as my eyes widened in understanding.

            "Holy shit are they going to invade?" Sten said that the Qunari would bring order to the chaos of the world, they would bring the Qun to all of Thedas and when that day came he would not look for the Warden on the battle field. Was I going to live through an invasion as well as a bloody hole in the veil?

            "I've heard nothing of that as of yet." Leliana stated, "I am surprised that you know of such things."

            "Sten." I stated and looked at her. She nodded in understanding, something tightened behind her gaze. "You didn't believe me?" I asked quietly, "Even with your truth stone?" A low laugh escaped me, "Yeah I suppose it is a bit to swallow. I heard rumors he is the new Arishok."

            "Yes," Leliana collected herself quickly. "Which worries me, Sten was…" she paused for a moment.

            "Softie?" I offered to her. She let out a laugh.

            "Him and that kitten of his." She shook her head, "Yes, at times he could be soft but he is very dedicated to the Qun and the promotion of it. If he believes that there is a threat to the world he will not hesitate to invade Feralden to put a stop to it."

            "And we do not want that."

            "No, we do not." Leliana agreed, "So I am sending you to deal with the Iron Bull. Luna," she gaze was penetrating, "you are the card up my sleeve and I will not hesitate to use you in any way that I can."

            I let out a mirthless laugh, "I expect no less from you Leliana. How am I to handle the situation?"

            "With caution, I've reached out to Orlais in regards to him and his men are dedicated to him." Leliana leaned against a wall, "Take your time in getting to them, do not rush and when you get there I want you to look into a sensitive matter for me." She held out another roll of paper, "Read it once you are on the road, and then burn it."

            "Am I traveling alone?"

            "Take Harding with you."

 

I sat next to the fire. Lace was asleep in her bed roll and two others stood a distance away, keeping watch. The roll of paper Leliana gave to me smoldered in the flames. It surprised me that she had this kind of information so soon after what took place, made my estimation of her skyrocket and I was glad that I'd held nothing back from the woman, despite her slight disbelief placed in me.

            Shrugging those thoughts away I pressed a thumb to my temple. The Iron Bull, I knew absolutely nothing about him. I'd been hoping that some companions from previous games would pop up, I mean Varric and Leliana had. Cassandra was there too but I didn't know as much about here. It seemed I was in for a treat, mingling with new individuals.

            What was this Bull going to be like? If he was a Qun Qunari then he was probably going to be stiff like Sten had been. I sighed and resigned myself to one or two word answers and back handed complement insult things. Would I have to be a hard ass with him to win him over?

            Well we'd find out here in a few hours.

            I'd put off reading Leliana's orders until we were almost to our destination. She said 'sensitive' and I took that to mean dreadful, but I'd been wrong. It was honestly something that I should have suspected considering I went to her with this concern, might as well be me so no one else thinks we've gone crazy.

            Lace rolled over, her eyes squinted against the fire.

            "How long have you been up?" She whispered, throat dry from sleep. Lace was a mouth breather when she slept, which was a surprise to me. Woman was quiet in everything else she did.

            "I didn't." I laughed, "Too much noise for sleep." Thunder rumbled in the distance. The Storm Coast was an apt name. Thick clouds gathered on the horizon and were headed in our direction. Soon we'd have to break out the tents, but that would be tonight. "Break camp while I get breakfast?" 

            She covered a yawn and nodded, "See if you can't scrounge up more of those eggs you found yesterday."

            "You got it Lace."

            As I stood I swiped up my bow and bounded off into the trees. I'd set a couple snares by moon light so I checked those first. A decent sized nug dangled from one and in the other a small hare. It'd be enough for the four of us.

            Quietly I strode through the forest, careful of where I placed my feet. The birds were nesting, hoping to raise their young. Several nests were nearby but I didn't find any, though I did pick several mushrooms. Lace would have to sort through them to see if any were edible. Salt hung heavy in the air, the briny smell from the ocean permeated everything and it made me wonder if salt would be required in the seasonings. 

            Sautéed mushrooms with some meat? Sign me up any day.

            "What'd you bring us this time Luna?" Annie asked as she plopped onto a large rock next to Lace.

            "Not much, but with road rations it should do." Annie was a city elf with dirty blond hair and green eyes. How she ended up out here I will never know but she was quick with her knives. The other scout with us was Jonah, a quiet human male with brown hair, matching eyes and a slim frame. He was also skittish, found that out on day two when he took my seat. I plopped down onto his lap and he quickly asked me to move so he could get up.

            Poor thing. I'd left him alone after that, there were plenty of willing people out there. No need to make anyone uncomfortable.

            "Jonah!" Lace yelled, "Check the horses please!"

            A grunt followed her request and she rolled her eyes. "Oh leave him alone Harding." Annie whispered, "He is always like that."

            The two of them picked through the mushrooms while I dropped spices onto the meat and sliced it into thin strips so it cooked faster. Jonah joined us shortly after—sitting on the other side of the fire from me—and quickly tucked into his food.

            After that we packed our stuff onto the horse and started down toward the coast. Harding was going to set up a small camp, Annie and Jonah would assist her. Leliana was sending more scouts and troops in our direction. She was determined to set up a tight net of spies able to relay information at a faster rate.

            "We still on for that drink?" Lace asked as I continued past their chosen spot.

            "Darkspawn couldn't keep me away." I joked, "As soon as we both get a little free time in Haven you're on."

            Bread shifted under me, ready to get down to the meeting spot but I had other plans. I tugged the reins to the left. It was the harder course so he wasn't willing to plod along it but I won in the end.

            Silence descended upon me. My ears twitched at any noise and my head quickly swiveled in its direction. More often than naught it was a small critter running across the loose foliage on the ground, other times it was larger creatures—a ram or a halla—that spooked at the sight of me and bolted.

            Once the sun was halfway in the air I dismounted and tied Bread loosely to a tree. He huffed in my direction, snuffling at the pocket that kept his treats.

            "You are going to get fat like that." I whispered as I pushed his head away. Reaching into my back pocket I took out the map that came with my other set of orders. They were all relatively close to each other so this should be something easily knocked out.

            My feet carried me from rock to rock and I scrambled over boulders in search of anything they may have left behind. There were signs but nothing more than soot stained ground or litter that was shoved between rocks. Sighing I started back toward Bread, this had been a dead end and I wasn't sure how Leliana would proceed after this.

            Bread waited for me and eagerly headed down from the rocky terrain for the smoother surface of the beach. In the distance we caught a flash of bright light but it wasn't in the direction we were supposed to head. Bread didn't mind one bit when we turned and headed up the coast.

            Steadily he gained speed until I released the reins all together. His head dropped completely and he ran his heart out. Laughing I threw my arms out to the side and screamed in joy.

            When an arrow flew past my face and ruined the mood, it nicked my cheek. Bread let an angry bray fly from him and he charged at the man bold enough to shoot at me. Bread's gait smoothed out and I slowly eased a foot out of the stirrup and planted it on the saddle under me. My other foot joined the first and I rose from my crouch, bow firmly in my hand.

            A man dressed in white and gold still stood quite a distance away, though Bread was quickly eating that distance. Past him there were several fighting. I narrowed my eyes trying to make out details. I was sure this was the area I was supposed to meet this Bull character but I didn't know who the men were.

            Oh well, he shot first.

            I notched an arrow to the string and pulled back. My eyes sighted down the shaft and I released on the exhale. It missed, but I was close enough that I could see the man's eyes widen in shock as I barreled toward him.

            The second one caught his shoulder, but his right hand came up with a knife. Bread brayed again and put on a burst of speed. If I didn't get him I was flying off this horse because Bread was determined he was going to mow down this asshole.

            Another arrow fell against my string and this time my aim was true. The arrow whistled as it left my fingertips. We were close enough that I could hear the squelching noise it made as it found its target. He dropped with feathers sticking out of his heart.

            I felt when Bread planted himself. He was going to jump the log. I was going to fall off of him.

            "Shit!" A scream left my throat as I crouched again and dug my fingers into his mane. At that point he was already in the air. I really, _really_ did not want to fall off the horse when I was standing and he was moving as fast as he could. That, to me, spelt broken bones and there wasn't a mage around to mend them. And I was still hurting from INT, maybe he had cracked a rib or two.

            When his forelegs touched the ground my entire body was wrapped around him, the pommel of the saddle dug into my ribs and I _knew_ that it cracked one or two. I grunted but rode the pain because Bread wasn't finished. He smelt the blood and he was a stallion. He was pissed someone took a shot at me and we were headed for the skirmish that drew closer with every stride of his long legs.

            Quickly I righted myself on his back, proud that I hadn't actually fallen, and drew another arrow. It seemed that I would be participating in their audition.

            Once they were in range I began picking of the golden peacocks. My aim was true at this distance and I was careful because the individuals that weren't matching douches danced from one to another. Bread dove into the fray, spinning and kicking. His angry scream echoed up into the sky and quickly I found myself surrounded by a sea of angry men.

            My daggers replaced my bow and I distantly I thought I'd need something larger if Bread was going to insist on carrying me toward danger on a regular basis.

            Large hands reached for the reins of my horse and before I could blink I had a dagger placed at their throat. Only the large bull like horns stopped me from ending his life right there. Bread snapped at the hand but I tugged sharply.

            "Settle down Bread."

            The man lifted an eyebrow, "Bread?"

            I pulled until Bread spun in a tight circle and presented his rump to the Qunari, I twisted in the saddle and leaned over it to point out the loaf shaped splotch, "Bread." I pointed at it and grinned at him.

            He let out a roaring laugh and I chuckled as I sat up. A leg slid over until both of them were on one side, I made to slide down to the ground but those large hands of his caught me and lowered me slowly.

            "My hero." I fluttered my lashes at him and stepped out of his range, "The Iron Bull I presume?"

            He sniffed in my direction and it was my turn to raise an eyebrow at him, "You don't look like they said you would."

            "Excuse me… did you just _smell_ me?" I was scandalized. Well… no I wasn't but still it wasn't nice to _smell_ people. And then I looked at him, _really_ looked at him. And holy fucking shit was he huge.

            You can't really tell in video games how tall people were, because Sten sure as hell wasn't this large and the Qunari from the second game weren't quite this large either. Or was he just uber tall?

            And he was not shy because he was wearing a harness. Scars dotted his gray skin and he was missing an eye. His ears were pointed, but they weren't like an elf's ears. They weren't as pronounced as mine and they were flat on the top. Interesting.

            "Forgive him, Herald." A man stated as he walked toward us, "He has no manners."

            Bull chuckled and slapped the man on his back, "Cremisius Aclassi, my second in command."

            "Uh… I'm not the Herald." I shook my head, "She's a nice Dalish elf off to meet the Chantry in Val Royeaux, though she is probably headed back to Haven by now."

            All standard information if you paid attention to the rumors. The Qunari's nostrils fluttered again.

            "Do I smell good?" I asked as I turned to him.

            "Like lilies." He leaned closer, "If you aren't the Herald who are you."

            I pressed my finger tips to his forehead and shoved him—tried—back. I think he let me, "Luna, I am here on behalf of the Inquisition." I looked between him and Cremisius, "Your second in command here asked for an audition."

            Bull's entire personality changed, "Luna?" His eyes flashed, "Oh, you're that elf."

            "Commander." Cremisius groaned, "You can't call people by their race."

            "That elf?" I asked, interested now. Were people talking about me? That was new.

            "Krem, send out the throat cutters." Bull ordered, "Don't want any of those Vint bastards getting up. No offense."

            Krem chuckled and started away, "At least a bastard knows who his mother is, puts him one up on you Qunari."

            I clapped, "Oh I like him." Krem tossed me a smile over his shoulder as he barked out orders to the rest of the mercenary group. People started double checking the dead.

            "Why'd they send you?" Bull asked as he held out a hand, he led us toward several large rocks before he sat down. I stayed standing but crossed my arms over my chest.

            "Why does a Ben Hassrath agent want to join the Inquisition?"

            Yeah, that's me. Subtle like a moose. I don't know what I thought his reaction was going to be, but I most certainly didn't expect him to laugh. He slapped a hand against his knee and yelled for some alcohol.

            "Your spymaster is good." He stated, "Though I'd expect her to be, if she is in charge of something called the Inquisition. It's good that she knows." The alcohol arrived. He took a long drink of his and I just stared at mine. Not trusting of spies. He shook his head and took a drink of mine before passing it back.

            I still didn't drink, he could be immune to the type of poison in here or have an antidote running through his veins. I tilted my cup and poured it on the ground, "Forgive me for not trusting you right away." I wrinkled my nose. I didn't like wasting alcohol but better safe than sorry.

            "I would have told you," he shrugged, "I just didn't expect you to open with that, I like your brashness."

            I laughed at him, "Oh man are you in for a treat then. So… tell me why do you want to join the Inquisition?"

            "Have you seen that thing?" He pointed to something behind me. His arm was angled high in the sky so I was assuming it was the Breach. "Something like that threatens the whole world. I have orders to join, collect information and find out if you guys are really capable of fixing the problem or if the Qunari have to launch an invasion to save the world."

            "That won't be happening." I stated, "Won't be necessary."

            "I certainly hope not." Bull agreed. I tilted my head back and raised an eyebrow.

            "You don't want to invade?"

            "Me? No, the Qun isn't for everyone." If he was lying to me I'd find out but he didn't seem like the kind. Nothing like Sten at all, emotion was written all over his face. If I was any judge—I was _not_ —he was actually being honest with me. I guess being out here, undercover he could not act like a Qunari would back in their homeland. It would screech his intentions from the roof tops. "I like the way the world is now, I like me here and them over _there_."

            "Alright, now that we got the Ben Hassrath shit out of the way…" I cracked my neck and took a step closer. He was utterly terrifying and screamed ladies' man. I bet he was hung and oh lord did I hate myself but I kind of wanted to see it. Someone that big had to be _huge_. Uncomfortably so.

            Just cause I wanted to see _it_ did not mean I wanted to _ride_ it though. I liked my insides where they currently were thank you.

            He waited and watched me patiently. I waved a hand, "What can you bring to the Inquisition man!"

            He smirked and waved a hand, "You've seen us in battle-" I nodded and cut him off. He was good but too much of an ego and he'd be out of control.

            "I saw me kicking their ass." I snorted, "Who are they anyway?"

            "Venatori."

            "You said Vint earlier." I clarified. It was nice to know their organization but I wanted to know their nationality. "I'm assuming that is short for Tevinter?"

            He cocked an eyebrow at me, "Have you been living under a rock?"

            "Basically, I was living on the outskirts of society and unwelcome among humans." I pointed to my ears, "From their faces you'd think I was getting ready to strip and sing to flowers."

            "Were you?" Seems his interest was piqued.

            "Maybe when both moons are full. Singing to flowers works best at their zenith." From my tone I made it obvious that no I do not dance naked by moon light. He still grinned, "You're picturing it aren't you?"

            "I bet you glow."

            "Ugh…" I resisted rolling my eyes but just barely, "So enough about my pale ass…. How much do your services cost?"

            "The money will work itself out, don't worry about that. We'll go through Josephine and set up payments." I nodded, of course he knew the higher ups. "And we're the best, it's money well spent."

            "Alright, I'm almost sold… Last thing I want to know is what kind of information you'd be sending back to your people."

            "Small things, nothing that would compromise your organization. Just enough to keep my commanders happy."

            "You do realize that Leliana will be screening them and if she finds anything she'll send me to kill you."

            "You?" He sounded nonchalant but he was looking at me with new eyes.

            "Yes me." I gave him a feral grin, "So, when do we leave?"

            "Pack it up boys!" Bull shouted, "We just got hired."

            "But chief we just opened the casks… with _axes_." Krem called, pointing to the barrels behind him.

            "Find a way to close them, you're a Vint right? Try blood magic."

            I snorted into my empty cup. The ride back to Haven was going to be so much more fun with this group.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there will be some stuff from the games in here. I enjoyed recruiting Bull, the banter back and forth. Good fun. 
> 
> If there is stuff in here from the game though, I will not follow word for word or (more likely) I'll gloss over it.


	9. Wicked Grace is Wicked Fun... not!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You and I need to speak." I hissed as I stepped past him, knowing that he wasn't going to invite me in.
> 
> "Of course, Luna." Solas drawled and closed the door a little firmer than necessary behind him. "How can I be of assistance?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I promised a second chapter and here it is! Yay! 
> 
> The next one may be a couple days out, as in sometime next week-ish? Life is looking busy toward the end of this week so we'll see.

"Lace!" I screamed as Bread ran up the side of the cliff. Lace Harding melted out of the shadows of the tree line, an arrow notched to that bow of hers.

            "You in trouble Luna?" She glared at the group behind me.

            "Nah," I waved a hand, "this is that merc group I was telling you about." Her face brightened and she put the bow away.

            "How can I help?" She tried to watch us all and succeeded for the most part.

            "Can you send this letter to Leliana?" I passed her one, "And this one to Josephine?" I passed her a second one. "I would report to them when I get back to town but they'd eat me alive."

            Lace's eyes twinkled and she tucked them under her belt. "Absolutely. You're headed back now?"

            "Yup, gotta get this group to Haven without being shot." I yawned into my hand, "You know Cullen, he's going to want to get them in sync with the main body of our army as soon as possible."

            Lace nodded, "Oh Maker will he."

            "How long are you station out here?" I looked around, the rain for the most part had passed but another storm was rolling in. I loved rain, but this constant stuff? Yeah no thanks, the tents were oiled but I bet they still leaked.

            "Until weeks end." She sighed and canted her head, "I should be back shortly after you."

            "And then we'll get that drink."

            She nodded and slapped Bread's rump, "See you soon!"

            Bread bolted under her encouragement and the rest of Bull's team followed me.

 

Two weeks. And that was taking the short path. We joked and talked. I got to know his team a little better.

            Dalish made me laugh. Who was she kidding with her staff? She was a mage but she insisted that it was an old elven trick and I wouldn't understand. And if it was she was correct, but as it was she couldn't BS me.

            Skinner took to me right away, lamenting about the alienages in the different cities and how horrible shems were. Right up until I told her that I grew up in the country, never stepped foot in a city alienage and then I was just as bad as the shems. Eh… she'd come around.

            "How much farther is this?" Stitches asked.

            "Oh, does your ass hurt?" Rocky retorted. He pitched his voice higher and talked to him like he was a baby.

            "Hey," I cautioned, "you should not mess with the healer." I winked at Stitches, "Next thing you know the poultice doesn't work anymore and you've blow off your giblets." Rocky snickered.

            "Chief would have his ass."

            "Don't drag me into this," Bull chuckled. "Luna's right, don't mess with the person who patches you up. Never know when they'll get you back."

            "Right?" Dalish asked as she pulled her horse next to mine, "Once I got on his bad side. Got into a patch of rashvine and he gave me an ointment to help. Turned my skin green for a week."

            Stitches whistled innocently and Rocky looked at him in new light.

            "And to answer your question hon we're almost there. About another two hours on this road and then we start to head up the mountain." I jutted my chin out, "If we rode through the night we'd be there before sunrise."

            "It isn't a good idea though." Krem commented, ever the level head, "The horses can't see well in the dark."

            "I wasn't saying we should." I agreed, "Too many things could go wrong."

            Krem grinned, "You sure you don't want too?"

            Yeah, apparently they heard about the pride demon and despite my best attempts the Crow situation had leaked. Ship Captains man….

            That was what Bull was talking about when he said 'that elf'. And my behavior between then and now hadn't dissuaded them of my reputation for being slightly crazed.

            Well if they knew about it I was willing to bet that the Crows knew as well so that was another organization I needed to watch out for. If they decided to come after me. If Zevran hadn't already taken them over.

            And that knowledge kind of screwed up any chance I had of Bull underestimating me. I had been correct, if Leliana decided that he needed to go down she'd send me and a few others, but he would see me coming now.

            Me and my big mouth.

 

We broke camp the next morning. They wanted to run through drills but I assured them that Haven was close enough they'd be able to join in before lunch. Thankfully they took me at my word and I wasn't forced to watch them run through variations of the same formation for two hours.

            They'd done it every morning and I felt a little like I was in the military again. I participated now and then but nothing constant. Mostly I spent my time exploring, looking for elfroot—that was a _miracle plant_ —and other herbs. Adan would be grateful for them and I'd restock our poison herb supply in the same go.

            There was a greater variety of herbs in the actual world that I'd ever encountered. I'd come across rashvine—avoided it after Dalish's story—and these little blue bell like flowers which were crystal grace. Andraste's grace was apparently something other than just pretty white flowers that Leliana liked as well.

            Color me impressed.

            Soon after we started out the gates of Haven came into view. Bread got excited and broke into a gallop. Laughing I gave him his head. I needed to let Cullen know that the Chargers were friendly anyway.

            Bread ran right past Cullen who was drilling the troops. I don't think he even registered that I'd passed him. My silly horse went all the way to the stables and pawed at his stall door.

            "You'd think I miss treated you." I hissed as I dismounted.

            An older gentleman approached, "Fine stallion you've got there." His eyes turned critical as he took the reins from me, "Have you bred him before?"

            "Uh… no?" I shrugged, "I lucked into him a few weeks ago, I have no idea what he is exactly."

            "He's an Anderfel Courser." The man patted Bread's neck, "Their rare this far south."

            "Oh," I commented, unsure of what else to say.

            "I'm Dennett." He turned and held out his hand.

            "Pleasure," I gripped his forearm, "Luna."

            "Would you mind if I let him loose with a few of my mares that are in heat?"

            I looked at Bread, "Why not?" I laughed, "Let's see what kind of babies you'd make." Bread let out a whicker and tossed his head, "Yeah I thought you'd like that."

            "HALT!"

            I spun and looked at the crowd behind me, "Oh shit I gotta go Dennet!" I bounded away, "It was nice meeting you!"

            Cullen truly had not seen me. How I have no idea because Bread is huge and easily spotted, but all he saw was a group of people armed to the teeth approaching the town.

            "Cullen!" I screamed, "Don't shoot!"

            "Luna?" He jerked around, "When did you get back?"

            I huffed and placed a hand on his chest. He was an excellent prop, "I just passed you man!" I laughed, "They're with me." I jutted my chin out toward the group of mercs, "They are Bull's Chargers." I smiled at him, "Let's not shoot assets, yeah?"

            Cullen sighed and told his men to stand down, "A little warning next time?"

            "Hey," I defended as I stepped closer to him, "I told Josephine and Leliana."

            Cullen gazed down at me, completely oblivious that I was almost pressing up against him. Damn. "But not me?"

            "I don't report to you." I took a step back and grinned at him. "I told Josie because she is going to pay them."

            Cullen's gaze turned into a glare, "I'm going to train them."

            "They train themselves." I crossed my heart while holding up a hand, tone utterly serious, "Swearsies."

            He shook his head, "Get off my field Luna."

            "Aye aye Captain!" I saluted and waved the Chargers forward. Bull looked like he was ready to bust at the seam.

            Cullen looked behind me, "Nothing to see!" He barked. A glance over my shoulder showed that the trainees were no longer training, but watching our exchange. "You're a bad influence on the men."

            I scrunched my nose, "I prefer to think of myself as a moral boost." I winked, "Someone needs to get them to laugh from time to time."

            "Just…" he waved his hand, "just go."

            I started walking toward the gates; most of the Chargers were in front of me. Bull was ordering them about and they found a spot to set up camp away from the rest of the soldiers. Someone yelled my name and I looked around.

            Gold skin and black hair slammed into me, "You're here!"

            She was awfully attached to me. "Ellana!" I called out, surprised, "You're here."

            The Herald let go of me, "Leliana said you'd be returning soon." She was smiling at me, "Just in time, we're headed out to Redcliffe."

            I groaned, "Again?" I'd been on the road for over a month now without a break. Had these people never heard of a vacation?

            Ellana nodded seriously, "A lot has happened since I saw you last."

            "Who is this delightful creature?" Someone asked as he strode toward me. I blinked at looked him up and down. Gay. He was so gay.

            "Dorian!" Ellana pulled him forward, "This is Luna."

            "The illustrious Luna?" Dorian's eyes twinkled, "Ellana has gone on about how you rode a pride demon."

            "Of course she has," I grinned at him. "And who are you handsome?"

            He preened under my comment, "Dorian Pavus." His hand wrapped around mine and he pressed a kiss to the back of it.

            "Such a gentlemen." I thrilled. I loved the shit out of him and I barely met him, "We are going to get into so much trouble together."

            "A gentleman does not seek trouble."

            "Good thing I'm not gentry of any kind, yeah?" I winked, "Come! We must be off to ogle men!"

            He blinked, "Excuse me?"

            I hesitated a moment, looking back and forth between Ellana and Dorian. Ellana looked just as confused as Dorian did upset. "Uh…" I rubbed the back of my neck before pointing at him, "You are gay, right?"

            "Gay?" Dorian asked.

            "You like men?"

            "You suspect this because…?" He asked as he stepped closer.

            "You are better groomed than ninety percent of the women here." I waved a hand, "Including me and I am stunning."

            He gave me a cheeky grin, "I like you." He looked at Ellana, "You didn't tell me she was like _this_."

            Ellana laughed, "To the Singing Maiden?"

            I started to agree but caught Leliana looking at me from the top of the stairs, "I have to report in." A sigh escaped me, "Get me something good and I'll be there soon, yeah?"

            "You'd better." Ellana threatened, "Varric is starting up a game of wicked grace."

            "Is this the Herald?" Bull asked as he walked toward us. But he wasn't looking at Ellana. He had his eyes on Dorian.

            "Yup, this is Ellana Lavellan." I pointed toward the dark haired beauty, "Ellana this is The Iron Bull, leader of Bull's Chargers, our newest mercenary group."

            Ellana watched him, "You like him Luna?"

            "Eh…" I wiggled my hand back and forth, "he grows on you."

            She giggled, "Good enough, he should come too."

            He gave me a look, "I know your hearing is better than that." I glared at him and he chuckled.

            "Tavern for a round of cards."

            Ellana glanced at me and I shook my head, I pulled her into a hug. "Bet small, he's a spy. He has no tells." She winced, "Oh no… bet _really_ small, like… copper small."

            "Bah! Silver or go home." Bull prodded good naturedly.

            "Luna." Leliana called, looking impatient.

            It was my turn to wince, "Ohh… gotta run!" I jogged backward and glared at Bull, "Be nice to Ellana and Dorian! They are my new favorite people!"

            "Yes, ma'am!" Bull called, waving me away. I watched as Dorian stiffened. So, Bull wasn't as smooth as he thought he was.

 

Report had been given. It was quick and easy, Leliana already had most of the information, Josephine joined us for the last portion. I informed them of how many there were and provided more details about what the Iron Bull was here to accomplish. Leliana resolved to watch him closely and see where his loyalties lie.

            From what I'd seen he was loyal to the Qun but wasn't very fond of it. Strange in all honesty.

            I left the Chantry and started toward my house. A little begging to Josephine secured me a small wooden tub and some water, I'd have to heat it the old fashioned way but she sent someone to get it started for me.

            Indeed it was a small tub, little more than a barrel and shallow as hell. But it was better than the pitcher and bowl so I was not going to verbally complain. I quickly scrubbed myself clean, not wanting to linger in the dirty water and dressed in a dress. I was feeling a little feminine today so along with the dress I threw on a little kohl and some red lipstick.

            We were having a party at the tavern and a woman likes to feel pretty every once in a while.

            The dress was plane; thank the Maker/God/Gods. Lucky for me it didn't go all the way down to my ankles but cut off around my shins and was the deepest black that I'd seen here so far.

            I took a moment to scrub my armor clean, quickly wiping it down. Lucky for me it was leather and not so difficult to clean. Mud didn't really stick to it, just became brittle when dried and it was easy to knock off.

            When I left my little cabin my eyes slid across to Solas' door. I still had some beef with him, the question was did I want to scream at him now and possibly ruin my night? Or do it in the morning and ruin tomorrow?

            My body made the decision for me. I stood in front of his door banging as loud as I possibly could. It opened after three knocks and a perturbed looking bald elf stood on the other side.

            "You and I need to speak." I hissed as I stepped past him, knowing that he wasn't going to invite me in.

            "Of course, Luna." Solas drawled and closed the door a little firmer than necessary behind him. "How can I be of assistance?"

            "Oh don't feed me that shit; you know exactly why I'm here." I snapped as I twisted to glare at him, pleased when the dress flared with the spin. "What is with the fade crap you pulled? What did you do?"

            "To which event are you referring to?" My mouth flopped several times. Was he shitting me?

            "The fade! You pulled me into a different part of it and then-" I slammed my jaw shut. The words were damning and I didn't want to say them. What if it had just been the fade being the fade?

            I already had an extreme distrust of this man, what if the fade—a demon in particular—was using that against me?

            There were too many 'ifs' for me to be confident in shouting that something had taken over my body. He was a mage, we were basically in a camp that was anti mage and I could not go around telling people I'd lost control of myself, even momentarily.

            "And then?" He prompted, eyes wide with curiosity. Or was it _just_ that? Taking a moment I really observed Solas. Watched as his breath quickened slightly and how he kept fiddling with his hands.

            I glared around the room thinking. He wasn't going to admit to it and it wasn't something I could take to anyone else. Shit he had me backed into a corner and I didn't like it. I sure as hell wasn't going to say that something took over my body and recognized him.

            Oh sweet hell… was I the possessor? Did this body have a soul before I came along and forcefully inhabited it?

            I always assumed that the body was created specifically _for_ me. When I came through the relay the body was _in_ the ship, there was no one else there and I had been turned from my tall Turian self into this small elf.

            What if… what if I took over their forms and their lives when I came through?

            I was going to be sick.

            "I have to go." I whispered and pushed past him.

            In a daze I walked out of his house and made it around the back of mine before I lost the contents of my stomach. Had I inadvertently hurt an innocent by coming to this place? How many more was I going to hurt?

            I clenched my eyes shut and fought a wave of dizziness.

            "Luna?" Ellana was looking for me. "Luna we're getting ready to start, are you in there?"

            Opening the back window I slid into my cabin, crossing to the door I opened it, "Yeah kiddo I'm here." I smiled at her through sheer force of will. "Give me a second, I'm not quite finished getting ready."

            She smiled and stepped inside, closing the door behind her.

 

"Who is this?" I smiled down at a scruffy man. He wasn't exactly scruffy, but he had a massive beard and large eyebrows. Dark brown eyes peered up at me and I offered him a smile. His face transformed as a grin took over.

            "I told you a lot had happened since you'd been back." Ellana whispered conspiratorially while nudging a strange female elf next to her. It seems we'd picked up a few new people. "Luna this is Warden Blackwall," my gaze sharpened on 'Warden' but Ellana continued, "and this is Sera, she is a Red Jenny."  

            " _A_ Red Jenny?" I asked, distracted from the Gray Warden sitting in our mists. Did Leliana know? "As in there are more than one?"

            "Pbft…" Sera gave me a look that said obviously but I knew very little about Red Jenny. I assumed there was _one_ and little underlings running everywhere.

            "Apparently." Varric stated as he shuffled a deck of cards. I wasn't entirely sure on how to play Wicked Grace but it was a lot like poker and I had a great poker face. "Buttercup here says that there are Red Jennies in different cities, two in one in particular." He started to deal and when I got all of my cards I lifted them up.

            The cards had no numbers. There were _images_ on them. How the hell was I supposed to…?

            Bull leaned over and stage whispered, "You don't know how to play do you?"

            I refused to look at him as I set my cards down and threw in a silver. "Eat me." He roared with laughter and called, and then raised. Shit I was screwed. The cards had different suits, serpents… suns. No numbers but there were different amounts of the suits on the cards. One of them laid a card face down, another face up.

            Oh man, I'd talked myself into something again. I was going to lose all my gold. Bull discarded three and Varric passed him several cards. They all looked at me expectantly. I laid a card face down. What else was I supposed to do?

            Slowly I picked it up, the object of the game was to gather matching suits. The more you had, the higher your chances of winning were. Cards could be put into 'play' either face up or face down and once the Angel of Death popped up the game was over.

            I won… I think? They passed the gold to me twice but I didn't understand _how_ I won. I just kept my face stoically blank while looking at my cards, strove to keep my pulse in check and breath even. More silver and gold left my little collection than I probably should have played but I learned that betting strong discouraged others quickly. A gold was generally too rich for the others and they folded.

            Until Bull figured me out and then I started to lose again.

            "So… Varric tell me about Hawke." I prompted to draw the suspicion away from me. You have to have _something_ sometimes to win and I wasn't sure I had anything. The cards hated me and I vowed to never play this game again with a Ben Hassrath agent. Damn Qunari body reading b.s.

            "What do you want to know?"

            "What they're like, hobbies, how their sibling is doing." Yeah, I was trying to figure something out about Hawke before I started to talk about pronouns.

            "Hobbies?" Varric laughed, "Does killing count?"

            "If it doesn't I need a new hobby." I wrinkled my nose and earn myself a round of quite chuckles.

            "Come on!" Sera prompted as she leaned over and snagged a piece of cheese from Varric's plate, "Give us the details."

            "Please?" Ellana prompted.

            "See what you started Ghost?" Varric snorted as he threw in another silver, "Alright!" He groused good naturedly, "I'll give you heathens some good stuff. Her siblings are doing well from what I understand, Elf," Fenris, "has taken them south," _them_ , both of them were alive? "Hawke herself is in hiding and no I don't know where she is at." That last bit was directed at me.

            "Why are you looking at me like that?"

            "You aren't subtle Ghost." Varric snorted, "Stop trying to get information that doesn't exist for Leliana."

            I gave him a blank look, "What?"

            "That's the best Wicked Grace face I've seen all night." Blackwall clapped me on the back and I shot him an offended look.

            "I have an excellent po-Wicked Grace _face_." Shit I'd almost said poker.

            Everyone laughed and I growled. Yeah, not playing this game again. Lifting my mug I tossed back the rest of my drink and started to rise, "Alright, that's enough for me. You lot have taken more than I was willing to give."

            Ellana yawned, "I should be off too, early morning with the meetings and what not." Sera winced.

            "Glad it's not me." She ordered another round, flicking lint off of her palm as she dropped several coppers into Flissa's hand.

            "So are we." Blackwall jeered good naturedly.

            Bull watched me leave, suspicion in his gaze.

            Wonderful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question for you guys, are we enjoying Luna's POV or would we like 3rd POV for little snippets? Because I can't decide if I want to do it or not so I thought I'd leave it up to you lovely readers.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I made a mistake? This is originally supposed to be chapter 10... not... 11. Oh lord I feel like I'm twelve again! What the effing hell! So yeah if you're reading this then its supposed to be chapter 10. I'm going to see if the site will allow me to switch it without actually deleting what was SUPPOSED to be chapter 11.

"You lack stealth." Leliana chided, "Although having you out there draws the attention from my other ravens." She bit her lip and watched me.

            Bull apparently noticed something during the game and came to Leliana about it. I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand. It was early and I'd had far too much to drink last night.

            "I never said I was sneaky." I countered and pulled the cup of coffee toward me, grimacing when it tasted like nothing more than grounds added to water. "Who made this?" I set it down and pushed it away from me, "They should be shot."

            "Your exploits in that other land indicated it." Leliana sighed, "I should have seen this coming."

            I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, nothing I did was ever subtle. "My 'exploits' on Earth were far from subtle Leliana. I ran around the galaxy with a Specter shooting bad guys and watching things blow up." I shrugged, "If their watching me, let them. Like you said, I draw all the attention, your other agents can move unseen in the shadows. I'll be the muscle, they'll be the brains."

            Leliana rolled her head on her shoulders, "It is true that none of the others could take down an entire House on their own."

            "Zevran helped." I defended, why I didn't know but it felt important that she remember that little distinction.

            "I know Zevran," Leliana shook her head. "He had several mercenaries with him when he went after Cousland," _ah-ha!_ The Warden was a male human. "He did not succeed then and he would not have without you there."

            Well… I don't know if I deserved _that_ kind of praise. Leliana hadn't been there. Yeah I had my biotics now— _always_ had them—but when could I use them? Almost never because I couldn't trust people to let me live. People here feared magic, to the point of death if they thought someone couldn't control it.

            Standing out in a crowd of people the world was terrified of? Yeah, not something I was keen on doing.

            "Zevran kept several off of me while I did what I did. If he hadn't been there I'd have been overwhelmed and probably wouldn't be here now." I stated softly, which was completely true. Even with my biotics I was not all powerful, "Give the man credit where credit is due."

            I stood running a hand through my too long hair. It was starting to get a little scruffy and I was due for a hair cut, "Am I going with Ellana to Redcliffe?"

            Leliana nodded sharply, "Yes, you are going to enter the castle at her side." She smirked, "Use your flashy nature to draw attention to yourself and the rest of my men will take care of everything."

            "Sounds like a plan." I flashed her a grin and started toward the door.

            "You leave in three days." Leliana stated, "Take some time off, you've been going for months."

            I sagged with relief, one hand on the door knob, "Thank you."

            Leliana chuckled, "You must be exhausted."

            "I am." And I fully intended on sleeping until I couldn't sleep anymore.

 

I slept for what felt like an eon. The sleep was deep, relaxing and full of dreams that vanished in the breaking of the dawn. As I sat up a shiver ran up my spine and I stretched through it, shaking it out of my body. I pushed to my feet, bending at the waist to touch my toes and then curling my arms around the back of my calves and pulled farther.

            Elves did not have body hair. There were no scratchy prickly little bastards that dotted the skin of my legs or anywhere else for that matter. And if some of us did, I imagine that it was so fine that it was impossible to see unless someone held a light in _just_ the right position.

            Standing upright I laced my hands behind my back and pushed up, pops and cracks rose up into the air followed by whines of pain. Cracked ribs, right I needed to get that looked at.

            A fist set lightly against my jaw as I pushed first one way and then another.  

            Leisurely I began to dress, dragging ass the entire way. After speaking with Josephine—and her agreeing with me—she gave me some coffee for me to brew for myself. My step dad used to say that cowboys would put a horseshoe in the pot and when it stood up the coffee was ready. I wasn't quite that crazy but I still liked it strong.

            Dropping a tablespoon of cold water into it helped the grounds to settle and then I scooped a cup off the top and blew against the rising steam. A hum of approval echoed up into my little cabin at the first sip. This was coffee, not bean juice.

            Someone knocked at the door and I glanced at it before crossing to the door. When I opened it the person on the other side held out a rolled piece of papers.

            "Orders from Leliana." She chirped.

            And here I thought she'd actually give me the three days. I swallowed the growl that threatened to bubble up over my lips and snatched the paper out of her hand. "Thanks." The word was mumbled and I shoved the door closed with my foot.

            Snapping open the roll of paper I eyed it while I chugged my coffee. My easy morning just turned difficult. I was to report to the training grounds in less than half an hour for additional training and…

            Did that fucking say _team building exercises?!_

            Oh no…

            Snorting I dropped the paper into the fire. This I _had_ to see. I'd seen the glares passed around yesterday between Ellana's new inner circle of people. Solas and Vivienne went together like cats and dogs. Dorian didn't like Blackwall and Sera _hated_ Solas. She seemed like a fun girl, perhaps she and I could be friends.

            Varric seemed to be the only universal one that was liked. Except for Cassandra, Cassandra didn't really like Varric at all. Now that I think about it… Cassandra was pretty well liked too, by everyone except Varric. Huh… wasn't that a little strange?

            There was no way this wasn't going to be entertaining, even if I was going to be forced to participate.

            I crammed a breakfast of dry bread, cheese and a watered down wine into my face as I ran out the door. Many people looked at me like I was a little too eager, and perhaps I was but there was nothing like watching a group of strangers that vowed to travel together forge their first bonds through throwing punches.

            A slight giggle escaped from my lips and when Varric caught my attention I made my way over to him.

            "Has anyone hit anyone yet?" I panted as I stood on tip toes to look over the crowd. Most were in Inquisition colors and fighting with wooden weapons.

            "You seem awfully eager this morning Ghost."

            "Ch… ya. Where is everyone?" Besides Varric I saw Blackwall but he still stood over by the smithy speaking to one of the apprentices there and Bull who was surrounded by his men. No one else was present. "Don't tell me that we're the morning people?"

            "You seem to be expecting more than just me." Varric casually mentioned with a raised brow. I looked at him before glancing around again.

            "Aren't there… team exercises this morning?"

            Slowly the other brow rose and Varric started to laugh. My brows furrowed quickly and my gaze was sliding toward a glare until Leliana popped up with Solas in tow.

            "Ah good, you're here." Leliana chirped. Oh lord she was a _true_ morning person. "I know I gave you the next couple days off, however-" I hated that word at that moment, "-Solas has approached Cassandra and I with a concern." She looked over her shoulder at him, waiting for him to explain.

            "I believe that an artifact, something this age has never seen before, was used in the creation of the Breach. It is important that this artifact be recovered." His words were simple, matter of fact. "Leliana has assured me that her people have combed the mountainside, but the artifact in question may be unrecognizable to anyone without the use of magic."

            I looked at Leliana skeptically, "Don't you have people with magic?"

            "At Haven?" Leliana appeared to be suppressing a laugh. That seemed to be my reaction of the day. "No, my little ravens that have magic are located in places where they will not stick out."

            One of my eyebrows rose of their own accord.

            "Mages can sense magic." Solas supplied quietly while giving me a look that declared he still thought I had magic. "The veil moves differently around them, creates a glow that is unique to each individual. With mages, the glow covers a larger area."

            "An aura." I supplied, "You're saying you can see people's auras?" Color me impressed, I didn't really think anyone out there could do that.

            "Aura?" His lips folded around the word wrongly. Like he'd never said it before. "I have never heard it called this before, no. It is akin to the soul though, a visual representation if you will."

            Yup, he could see auras.

            "Alright… and what does this have to do with me? The artifact." I added that last bit so Solas wouldn't think I was asking in regards to auras and tip off people that I was different. Damn this was going to put a kink in things.

            "Solas has requested to travel back up to the Temple of Sacred ashes and conduct his own search." Leliana angled herself so that Solas could not see her face. Casually she gave me a look that told me I wasn't going to like what came next, "I want you to go with him, help him search and keep each other safe from any demons that may have eluded our patrols."

            I stepped closer to Leliana and tilted my head away from Solas, dropping my voice into something below a whisper I asked, "Let me get this straight… you want me to _babysit_ him?"

            "Luna," Leliana sighed and wrapped a hand around my arm, "this is not the place to discuss this, if you wish when you return in two days we can continue this conversation." She applied enough pressure to my arm that pushing for further information would borderline imbecilic and earn me a broken bone. Or… another one.

            "Right." I turned and started back toward the gates. Two days meant I'd need to pack and gather supplies. We'd have to set up camp and… wait… "Two day?" I turned to look at her, "You're joking right?"

            "Yes," Solas interjected. "It is not enough time to search the entire temple, sadly. It will give us just enough time to get there, search the majority of the main areas and return before the Herald leaves for Redcliffe."

            "In two days." I hedged at Leliana, "Two days and Ellana _leaves_. We'll still be up the mountain side and I _won't_ be able to go with her."

            Leliana winces, "I know I promised you'd be traveling with her Luna, but if Solas is correct and whatever created the Breach is still out there? That is more important than traveling to Redcliffe at the Heralds side."

            I set my jaw and looked at Solas. "I don't trust this Lel." I hissed as I stepped closer to her again. "Time traveling magic is a fucked up thing. Dorian insists that it's real and Dorian doesn't seem like the kind of guy to make shit up."

            "Luna-"

            "No, I don't think you understand the implications of _time travel_." I did, on Earth I was a nerd, loved everything that was related to Sci-fi that I could get my hands on. From Stargate—and all off the off shoot series—to Planet of the Apes, Lost in Space, Star Wars and Looper. Things that included time travel though? They were always tricky, "She could get stuck in a loop or this Alexius bastard could go back in time and erase her completely!"

            "Why hasn't he done that already?" Leliana sighed, "And you aren't-"

            "Maybe there are stupid rules that surround it, I don't know! One thing is for sure though, if time magic is involved then I want to be-"

            "Luna!" Leliana almost shouted, "You will be there with her, you just aren't leaving when she leaves."

            "Oh." I blinked at her several times and then gave her a chagrin smile. "Sorry about geeking out on you."

            Leliana's eyes twinkled and she gave a low chuckle, "I feel sorry for your previous commanding officer."

            "Ah… yeah you probably should." I winced as I remembered all the shit I gave to her and how I questioned orders. Military didn't like it when you questioned orders. "So… if it is so important we recover the artifact why are we only taking two days?"

            Leliana tilted her head, "Can you reach Redcliffe before the meeting if you leave later?"

            I bit my lip and thought about it, "I made it to Amaranthine in about five days, I believe I could make it to Redcliffe inside of two if I traveled alone and took Bread. And left directly from the Temple instead of returning to Haven first."

            "Solas, speak to Dennet and secure a mount that is equal to Bread." Leliana turned to me after Solas started toward the horse master, "You are sure of it?" I nodded but shot her a look, "Even with the addition of Solas traveling with you?"

            "If he slows me down I won't wait for him." I snorted, "The safety of the Herald takes precedence, Solas is a big boy, he'll catch up on his own."

            "Under no circumstances are you to leave Solas alone long enough for him to contact anyone outside the Inquisition." Leliana breathed, "Or have you forgotten about the concerns you approached me with?"

            My eyes widened, "Have you heard anything about him? Anything at all?"

            "I was unable to verify his claims." Leliana shook her head, "However it is quite possible that the village no longer exists or that it is so secluded from the outside world and independent that no one has heard of it in generations. Like Haven." She swung and arm wide, "Keep eyes on him, and be _nice_."

            "I'm always nice." I insisted. She scoffed and rolled her eyes at me.

            "I got reports the day you arrived back in Haven that you were heard inside his home yelling at him." She gave me a look, "Want to share what that was about?"

            "Uh…"

            "Be nice Luna, or he'll begin to suspect something."

            "He'll suspect if I'm randomly _nice to him_." Leliana nodded, "I'll keep being me? How about that?"

            "Don't go out of your way to antagonize him, please?" Leliana asked as she pinched her nose between her index and thumb, "We cannot afford to lose someone with Solas' knowledge about the veil."

            "Right I won't call him an egg head or insinuate that he is a hobo." I nodded and grinned at her when she glared at me. "I'll be as nice as I am able too without kissing his ass, alright?"

            She sighed, "I suppose that is the best I'm going to get."

            "Oh, one more thing…" I looked at Solas as he started to approach us again, "Why are you sending me with him."

            "Trust." Leliana stated and she turned away from me, vanishing into the early morning crowd.

            "Shall we depart?" Solas asked when he finally reached me. I shook my head slightly to bring myself out of the daze that Leliana threw me into. He stood next to me with my horse and another that must be his for the time being.

            "I need to fetch a few things, clothes, food and the like." Bread nudged me with his velvet nose. "Yes, I see you." I cooed, "No I don't have a sugar cube in my pocket at the moment." I pressed a kiss to the side of his face, "I'll stash a few while I'm getting my things, alright?"

            Bread whickered in what could only be approval before he pawed the ground with his front hoof.

            "You speak to him as if he were a person." Solas stated. It was most definitely not a question and yet he looked confused.

            "Why not?" I challenged as I patted Bread's neck. When Solas didn't respond I started back toward my cabin, already planning out questions and excuses I'd need for this trip.

            I was certain that my conversation with him a yesterday was going to surface sometime soon.

 

Silence. It was prolific between the two of us. He rode a horse that had half of Bread's spunk but just as much stamina. Solas seemed distracted as we slowly plodded up the mountain. Which was okay and not okay with me at the same time.

            It was _disturbingly_ quiet. The father we moved away from the little Village, the less sounds there were. Crickets weren't this far south, at least not this time of year. Too cold for them, the snow was still thigh deep on me in some places, though we should have heard some birds that didn't migrate or some wolves in the area.

            Back in Origins this whole area was covered in dragonlings and drakes. Now? Now I couldn't even find a nug. A _nug_ that were basically the edible version of cockroaches here in Thedas.

            A twig could snap a mile away and we'd hear it. It was not a comforting notion. Because if we could hear it, then whoever or whatever snapped the twig could hear us too.

            Not that a twig snapped or anything, but I was thinking of all possibilities.

            "You are quieter than expected." Solas commented suddenly, his head moving a fraction of an inch to look in my direction.

            "Does that bother you?" I retort. Slowly I pulled each foot out of the stirrups and crossed my legs under each other, "I didn't take you as the sort to hold a riveting conversation with me." I wiggled my brows, "I am a heathen after all. No manners, or rather it seems you believe I have no manners."

            "I've made no such claims." He dismissed, "We hardly know each other well enough to determine who has the better manners."

            "You." I replied instantly. He threw me a sideways glance, pulling on the reins when his horse tried to turn a different direction. "Oh don't look so shocked, I'm adult enough that I know when someone behaves better than I."

            He chuckled quietly, "Not _better_ per say, more I've traveled farther and learned more."

            "I highly doubt that…" I breathed. "So, Solas… what brings an Elvhen apostate to the little dung hole known as Haven?"

            "The Conclave," his reply was steady and unwavering. "If allowed to happen it would have affected mages everywhere, I'd come to hear news of it though I knew better than to approach. When the sky split open I knew I could offer my knowledge and did so willingly."

            He sounded so sure, and there was no trace of a lie. His words did not sound rehearsed, or repeated to death. They sounded natural, as if he was absent mindedly answering my questions. There was little to no thought put into his response and it made it difficult to question his motives.

            "How lucky they were, to have you in those first few days." I didn't know what else to say. There was a desire to call him a liar and scream that he was up to something, but it didn't fit. He was here for a reason, despite what he may or may not admit too and the answer he gave me seemed to be reason enough.

            But why the look of hatred toward Ellana? Why the visit in the fade? Despite his lack of willingness to admit he'd saved me there I _knew_ it was him. I could feel it, now that we were alone and I wasn't raving about the incident. That thing, the presence inside of me… it was like a tiny flame that leaned in his direction. As if he was the oxygen it needed to survive. It wanted to get closer to him, to stay close to him.

            And I wasn't allowing it to do so. It was a dull ache in my chest and I'd never experienced anything like this in my life before. Which, in my opinion, was a good thing. It wasn't okay for me to wander worlds collecting bits and pieces from each one to carry it to the next or steal bodies from the unsuspecting.

            I still wasn't sure _what_ it was, but it seemed that I was still in control and I'd take it.

            "One could say the same of you." Solas gave me a small smile, "It was no easy feat, staying alive those first few moments and yet the soldiers tell tales of a woman who faded into the snow, appearing one moment at just the right second to save their lives before moving on."

            "A soldier goes where the conflict is, despite their survival instincts." I answered. "My life for dozens? I don't know how many I saved but even if I saved one other life, it was worth it."

            "You put such a small price on your own." His tone was strained, "Do you not enjoy living?"

            "Don't get me wrong," I smiled and twisted so I leaned against Bread's neck, "I like who I am, and life is always an adventure, but what if the person I saved has a kid, or six? A wife, or a sick mother that counts on them to support them."

            "Do you not have anyone?" He was so quiet that I almost didn't hear his response.

            "No." I sighed wistfully, "There are no children, or mother, or husband waiting for me. No family in this world to speak of at all."

            "Such a lonely existence."

            "Do you have any?" He hummed at me in question, "Family, that is."

            "I am like you." His smile was small and sad, "No children, at least… not anymore. My parents passed when I was very young, I have no memory of them at all."

            My heart broke for him. A parent should never have to bury their child. "I'm sorry."

            "You needn't be." He assured, "It was I who broached the subject first."

            "Somehow I see you being a very patient father. I bet your children loved you very much."

            His eyes were full of sorrow when he looked at me, "Yes, I would like to believe that as well."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH HA! It let me switch it, so chapter 10 and 11 are now where they are supposed to be. I will update my notes on the next chapter so that everyone knows what's happening. 
> 
> Sorry, feel like a fool.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT UPDATE PLEASE READ!   
> Okay so if you came looking for the new chapter... its chapter 10. Somehow I got them mixed up and we skipped one. I am so sorry that this happened and you guys got all out of wack because I'm not with the program. So, if there were missing holes or anything like that chapter 10 will definitely clear things up. Sorry about that!
> 
>  
> 
> Sorry! I know I said this would go up last week but then I had to car shop and I got sick and basically life happened. If I get time in the next couple days I'll post another chapter as an apology. 
> 
> Thank for the kudos and comments! They are amazing

We didn't quite make it up the mountain side, but we definitely moved past the dark conversation. Solas, unsurprisingly, enjoyed speaking of the fade, and its spirit inhabitants. I listened, which _was_ surprising for me, to the lull of his voice. To the small inflections his tone took. It was oddly comforting and some part of me was enjoying it much more than I should have allowed myself.

            "So, you've witnessed the battle at Ostagar?" This was intriguing, I _played_ it, lived it for lack of a better word. I guided the Warden up into the tower and lit the signal fire, watched as Logain called for a retreat and saw when Duncan avenged the death of King Calen.

            "One moment the Warden, a bright shining beacon lit the flame; the next a Commander who'd seen too much death steeped in blood, calling a retreat to save his men." Solas' eyes shone as he spoke and something inside me irked. He spoke as if it was some magical moment, that it wasn't a huge loss for Feralden.

            "It wasn't like that, you know?" There was an edge to my voice. Logain was a bastard and I had no idea if he was still alive or not. "He could have ended it there, Logain that is. But when he heard that Calen was inviting the Orlesian Wardens into Feralden he changed his tune and withdrew from the battle. It was because of him that they lost Ostagar, because of him that the Blight stretched as far as it did, because of him that Lothering was wiped from the face of Thedas.

            "And then he took it a step further, refused entry to the Gray Wardens when it was their _job_ to stop the Blight. He led Feralden into what almost turned into a civil war. He hired a Crow Assassin to take out the Warden and his lackeys tortured human nobility just because they could. He poisoned the Arl of Redcliffe because Logain knew he would be a threat.

            "There was no _saving_ his men, he did it because of his pride. His actions were because he didn't trust his King to make the right decision and made a different one. Because he and Marric fought in a rebellion that pushed Orlais out of Feralden and the Orlesians were people he couldn't trust. Logain was an arrogant asshole who made horrible decisions."

            "You were there?" Solas asked with surprise in his tone. I almost bit my tongue in half. Son of a motherless goat! Just how much was I going to reveal to this man? It was a bad, very, _very_ bad idea for me to be alone with him. Or… was it?

            Solas only _dreamed_ of Ostagar, it wasn't as if he knew that I didn't exist in this world at that moment. It wouldn't hurt to… embellish details a little… would it?

            "It seems like I lived it more than once." I strangled a giggle before it could leave my throat. There was nothing funny about Ostagar when you were in the world that it actually existed in. "The darkspawn were everywhere, King Calen and the leader of the Gray Wardens rode out to meet them together with the main part of his army. The Orlesian Wardens had yet to arrive. King Calen wasn't even sure if this was a real Blight. Said that they hadn't seen the Archdemon yet. He almost seemed disappointed about that, but he did love Gray Wardens and their almost mythical lives.

            "Duncan tried to sway him to caution, but Calen was young and full of a desire to prove himself. Logain… in his way tried to warn him as well. In the end Logain did what he did, Feralden lost a monarch, all of the Gray Wardens—except for two—were killed. Thankfully those two survived, or Feralden might not be here right now."

            I pushed my hair behind my ears, "We should be reaching the temple soon, I'll set up camp just outside the blast radius and set a few traps."

            Solas' gaze was intense as he watched me. "I would like to go straight to the temple and start looking, unless you need assistance?"

            A scoff left my lips, "Do I _look_ like a woman who would willingly admit that?" I gave him a crooked smile before pulling Bread's reins in a different direction. My legs shot down and into the stirrups, standing I clicked my tongue several times to get his attention and then we were off.

            Bread tossed his head and I dropped the reins, giving him free range. Leliana's orders were swirling in my mind, keep an eye on him, don't leave him alone long enough to contact anyone outside the Inquisition. And while that tiny flame inside of me desperately wanted to trust him, the rest of me still thought he was here for a different reason so I'd set up camp and then I'd follow him to make sure he was doing what he said he was here to do.

 

Bread's head was tucked close to his chest, one front hoof pulled up and he snored. I'd never heard a horse snore before but Bread was doing it.

            "Huh…" I breathed out quietly. Slowly I walked backward, making sure to skirt the tent.

            Yes, singular. Tent. Notice there was no 's' attached to the end of it. The Quartermaster insisted that it was too cold out here for a single person to survive in the dead of night so she'd only give us one.

            Apparently she'd never met me before.

            The camp wasn't very far from the Temple itself, but I wanted outside the blast radius because I wasn't sure how far the effects of Red Lyrium could travel. And I _really_ didn't want to get turned into a statue like Meredith. Or hear singing or voices or have pots thrown at the back of my head.

            Red Lyrium was nasty stuff.

            I backtracked until the single set of hoof prints became two again and then followed the other trail. It wasn't long before I was at the entrance to the Temple. Someone had been up here and laid the dead that still had form to rest.

            Snow had fallen since the last time I walked these hallowed halls, several inches covered the ground and some of the large spikes around me. It was like a bowl. Large spikes shot up into the air around us, cutting the small breeze down to nothing. Everything seemed to settle, except for the eerie glow of red that ran up the walls like lightning.

            There were still intact places of the Temple. Areas that branched off and didn't have the appearance of melted stone. I found Solas' horse by one such place. He nudged me, snuffling at the pocket he'd seen me get into for Bread.

            "Horses." I muttered as I dug into it, "Don't let mine know I gave you any, you lot are a jealous bunch."

            The trail, to this point, had been right on track. There was nothing to indicate he had deviated from the path at all, the hoof prints were the same depth the entire way and no additional foot prints showed anyone had approached him. That little flame was starting to get bigger and the portion of me that wanted to distrust him was shrinking.

            _But_ , I told that traitorous side of myself, _he wouldn't set up a meeting with one of Leliana's people so close to him_. At least… not if he was smart which Solas was beyond a shadow of a doubt. So while that little flame continued to grow I continued to try and squash it.

            " _Fenedhis_ ," Solas yelled from the other room. A string of Elvhen followed that was too quick for me to even begin to understand and pick out individual words. I stepped up my pace and broke into a mad dash down the hall way.

            Daggers flashed into my hands and when I slid into the room he was in I saw a little black ball of fluff growling and lunging at him. All of its hair stood on end and behind it… behind it was its mother and the rest of its litter.

            It was the only one that survived, probably because this close to the Breach there were no surviving animals for the mother to hunt for survival. The small ball of fluff looked large, but I was willing to bet my last sandwich it hadn't eaten in at least four days and was on the verge of passing out.

            Sighing I slid my daggers back into their sheaths and glared at Solas. "Can't handle a single wolf pup?" My feet strode forward confidently and I slung my pack off my shoulders. The small ball of fluff switched targets and lunged at me.

            Its teeth buried themselves in my forearm and I just glared at it. It tried to snap its head back and forth but it didn't have the energy. Solas started forward as if he was going to bat the thing away from me.

            "I got it." I snapped, dragging my arm and the pup out of his reach, "Chill your tits."

            "That pup could be carrying diseases," Solas informed me. I rolled my eyes.

            "Good thing I have a mage here to heal me, no?" I snorted, "Besides, the little thing is just hungry."

            I dipped a hand into my now open pack and pulled out a length of dried meat. The pup's green eyes flashed between me and the meat held in my other hand. Quick as a snake it released my arm and dove toward the meat, growling and snarling the whole way.

            "Nu-uh!" I ripped it out of the pup's range. "You want food, I want to give it but you will be _civil_." The pup growled and snapped at me again. I sat down and crossed my legs under me. Slowly I ripped a small chunk off and held it out to the pup. The snarling died as it started toward me.

            Solas shifted and let out a low groan. It startled the pup and it jumped back again, that high pitched rumble starting up once more.

            "Oh don't listen to the old grouch." I cooed, "Here love." I bounced the meat in my hand, stretching it out farther. It was clenched between two of my fingertips. It continued like this until I started to rip quicker, laying the pieces on the floor in a little trail and the rest of it on the part of my legs that crossed.

            The pup gobbled down each one until it got to the largest chunk. It looked up at me and then at the food in front of it.

            "You're trying to tame it." Solas stated, sounding shocked. I chuckled.

            "I'm trying to be its friend." The pup snapped up the last bit of the food and huffed around looking for more. "Have a water skin?"

            "Do you not?"

            "No, mine is all alcohol." I gave him a cheeky grin, "If I had one would I ask for one?" His jaw clenched and it looked like he was flexing the muscle rapidly. His movements were jerky as he pulled a skin from his hip and passed it to me. "Thank you Solas." I said gently as I poured some of the water into my hand.

            The hesitation was still there in the small pup's fur but it didn't last as long as before. Quickly the pup lapped up the water before returning to its dead mother and siblings. Quickly it passed out, fur settling at last.

            "If you are finished playing nurse maid, the Temple still needs to be searched."

            "I'm not." I stated as I slowly stood and crept over to the wolf.

            "You cannot take her with you." Solas insisted, "She will not allow it."

            "Well I just can't leave her here, now can I?" I retorted as I picked up the small pup. So, it was actually a _she_ and I most definitely taking this small pup with me.

            "She is a wild animal, they cannot be tamed no matter how hard you try, Luna." Solas sounded slightly angry. It was confusing.

            "I know a thing or two about the untamable." I retorted, "I will not leave her here with so much Red Lyrium all over, I've seen its effects on humans and I've no desire to see it work its shit on a small defenseless babe." I stood to my entire five foot three—I came up to his _chest_ —and glared at him.

            "And when she grows old and challenges you for dominance?" He demands, "That particular breed of wolf is vicious and they grow rather large."

            I glanced behind me to look at the pup's mother. She was indeed large, her silver fur matched my own. Standing the wolf's head would've come up to my shoulder. Solas was right, something like this would be difficult for me to take on, but it didn't matter.

            "Aren't we supposed to be looking for your artifact?" I asked as I turned away from him and started toward the door.

            "Luna the pup-"

            "Is coming with me." I whipped back around to look at him, "Stop pushing Solas and let's just look for you damned artifact so I can get down the mountain to make sure Ellana comes home."

            A small whine like grunt escaped from the pup's nose as she shifted in her sleep.

 

"You seem quite familiar with Time Magic." Solas commented as we continued to work. The pup—I named her Gypsy—was still asleep and I stashed her in my pack. "It is astounding that you even believe in it, considering it is a recent development."

            "What is so hard to believe about time travel?" I snorted.

            "It was not possible, until very recently and if I had not seen the effects myself I would not believe." Solas looked under a toppled over book shelf before turning his gray eyes on me. "You've a very open mind Luna."

            "I've kind of had to Solas, if you knew half of what I've been through you'd grow hair just so it could turn white."

            "Is that why you are so pale?" Solas asked and my gaze snapped to him. One of his brows was raised and amusement danced in his eyes. "Have your exploits bled the color from your body?"

            "Oh har har." I scoffed. "Guess I kind of walked into that one." I kicked a chair over and scooped up a book. Quickly I flipped through the pages, "What exactly are we looking for?"

            Solas sighed and dropped his chin until it touched his chest. "An artifact, old and probably Elvhen."

            "Right, but what does it _look_ like?" Because there were a bunch of things scattered around from the force of the explosion that could or could not be an ancient Elvhen relic.

            "It has not been seen in an age Luna," Solas explained carefully. "It would be difficult to describe something that has been lost to time."

            "Exactly so how do we know it's here or not?" I sighed and flopped onto the floor. On my stomach because my back still twinged occasionally. Most of the demon wounds healed, the scabs were starting to itch which was a good sign that they were healing and ready to fall off. Corning Ellana to look at my back told me that the bruise was still purple, but starting to take on that faint yellowish hue that was almost completely gone.

            "The offer still stands." Solas supplied to the silence.

            I lifted my head and looked at him, wiggling my eyebrows. "I thought _I_ made that particular offer."

            "To heal your back." Solas' tone was forceful. "As you are so quick to point out, Ellana will require all the assistance she can get. Including your help and _whole_."

            "Fine." I mumbled into the stone under me. The soft movements behind me halted.

            "I beg your pardon?" Had he seriously not heard me? Or was this just some way of rubbing in that I had accepted his offer of help.

            "Fine!" I called out louder and looked at him again, "Work your magic mojo, get my back to stop hurting." Amusement danced in his eyes and a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. That little flame danced just a little higher.

            Solas stood and walked over to me, before kneeling down at my side. "The magic works best when the wound is visible."

            "If you want to see me naked Solas," I sighed as I rolled over and sat up, "all you have to do is ask." Pink colored the tips of his ears and I wondered what kind of noise he would make if I gently bit them. My fingers tangled themselves in the laces at my side, slowly I unworked the chest piece of my armor and stood up.

            Solas remained in his seated position, eyes carefully diverted to the side. A giggle slipped past my lips. "Where do you want me?"

            "Excuse me?" His tone was a little high and when he finally looked up at me there was shock in his eyes.

            "To heal my back, where would be the most convenient for you?" The pink in his ears was slowly traveling down to his cheek bones. He cleared his throat and stood. This was utterly delicious.

            "Standing is fine." He murmured. His fingers brushed against my bottom as he found the hem of my shirt. He jerked away quickly and lifted my shirt in one motion. " _Fenedhis_ ," he hissed, "Do you know the state of your back?"

            "Unfortunately I do not have eyes in the back of my head." I poked, "But I am aware of the large lacerations and the bruise. It shouldn't hurt like it is though and it's been several weeks." Which was too long in my opinion but then again I always had access to medigel and that stuff really was like magic but better.

            He pressed gently against a spot on my back. I jerked away from him and yowled like a cat in heat. "What the actual fuck Solas?!"

            "Indeed." Solas' face was hard again, "Just what, _lethallan_ , have you been up too on your travels for the Inquisition?"

            I met his gaze, "If you were meant to know I'm sure Leliana or one of the other would have pulled you to the side, why are you breaking my ribs?"

            "They were already broken, and they healing incorrectly." His tone was tart and he rubbed one eye with a finger. "They will need to be realigned into the proper position or you will never have a full range of movement."

            "Fine, we can do it when we return to Haven."

            "That will be too late." Solas gave me a dry look and my fists clenched.

            "You're saying that unless I let you mess my ribs I won't be at a hundred percent?"

            "No." I let out a sigh of relief, "What I am telling you is if you do not allow me to attend to your ribs you will most likely be unable to fight as you do. As they are now one sharp blow to your chest would cause them to shatter and possibly puncture a lung. Something that any mage would be hard pressed to heal."

            "Fuck."

            "Indeed." Solas took a step toward me and held out a hand. I glared at it and thought hard for a moment. Just because I was a fighter didn't mean I enjoyed the pain that came with it. Sure, I liked it rough on occasion but willingly breaking a couple—if not several—ribs? That was a little much for me to stomach.

            But it was that or death.

            Growling I slapped my hand into his and allowed him to lead me out of the temple completely. He stopped long enough to pick up my bag and pass it to me. Gypsy still sleeping inside.

            "Where are we going?" I asked quietly, trying to get my mind off of what I was going to allow to happen.

            "To camp." His horse whickered when he saw Solas, "It will be more comfortable for you there, and I will be able to set up a secure area without fear of contamination from the lyrium running through these ruins."

            We walked through the rest of the temple and he looked around for something.

            "What are you looking for?"

            "Bread." He looked at the ground, "You _walked_ here?"

            "He was sleeping," I defended. "Bread deserves rest more than I, he carries my fat ass everywhere."

            Solas turned to me quizzically, "You are not fat."

            "It's an expression." I sighed and shook my hand loose from his grip, "I know I'm not fat."

            Gypsy chose that moment to pop her head out of my bag and let loose a string of barking yip noises followed closely by growling.

            "Hush you, with any luck I can sweet talk Solas into checking the traps." I snip at her, she turned to look at me and I realized she'd been having her conniption fit at Solas, and not me. Interesting. When she looked at me she calmed and licked the side of my hand closest to her. "Would you look at that?"

            "Intelligent animals do not bite the hand that feeds it." Solas drawled and indicated he wanted me to ride his horse.

            "It really isn't that far back to camp and I walked all this way without something bad happening." I pointed out, "What are the odds of something happening now?"

            "Are you challenging some unknown force to swoop down and prove you wrong?"

            I winced, "Yeah, probably not my brightest move." Grumbling I placed my foot in his stirrups and shoved myself up into the saddle. Solas grabbed the reins and started to lead him away. "Uh… it will go faster if you ride behind me and the horse runs back to camp."

            "There is no need to crowd you in the saddle, _lethallan_." Solas stated and I started to scramble down. "What are you doing?"

            "I thought that was the whole point." I griped, "I'm not going to ride while you walk."

            "You… stubborn…." He looked like he was at a loss for words.

            "The word you are looking for is woman, or female. Perhaps beautiful?" I jabbed as I strode forward into the snow, "Or perhaps we are looking for crude words, in that case it could be whore, or slut, bitch or cunt. Pussy is a good one too." Gypsy barked and I scooped her up out of my pack. She wiggled a little so I let her down.

            She bounced around me in the snow, stopping only momentarily to growl and yip at Solas before prancing once again.

            "If you will return to the horse, Luna?" Solas asked, his tone border lining either hostile or hilarity. I wasn't sure which one.

            "You get up first," I challenged. Gypsy barked once more before she grabbed my pant leg and tugged on it. "Shhh… and _don't_ do that." I waved her away and she barked at me again. When I looked back up Solas was in the saddle, hand held out for me. "Such a gentleman." I cooed as I swung up behind him.

            Gypsy followed us back to camp.

            Solas smelt like the earth after a rain storm. I didn't know anyone could smell like that naturally. It was… well it made the little flame dance.

 

"Are you ready?" He asked. I laid on my bed roll, naked from the waist up. Air slammed in and out of me as quick as it possibly could without me actually hyperventilating. "Calm, _lethallan_." He soothed.

            "You calm!" I shot back, "I'm about to have bones broken!" Gypsy growled from her little corner but I made a make shift leash and attached her to the tent. For some reason Gypsy really didn't like Solas and every time he touched me she tried to bite him.

            Which was a little weird for a wolf that I just adopted all of four hours ago. This went deeper than 'don't bite the hand that feeds you' bullshit. Either Solas kicked that pup before I walked in or something was rubbing Gypsy the wrong way.

            " _Lethallan_ ," Solas breathed. I _felt_ his breath on the back of my neck, "There is nothing I can do for the pain, but I can send you to sleep if that would help?"

            "I put my big girl panties on this morning." I grunted. There was no way he was knocking me out so he could do Lord knows what after he finished breaking me. Or kill me while he broke me. Or just knocked me out and left me here to die. Nope, not gonna happen. "Do it."

            He pushed with his long slender fingers on either side of my bones and I screamed. Gypsy howled and hit the end of her rope. Another scream joined mine and I realized that Bread was freaking out outside the tent.

            Agony. Willingly allowing him to break my ribs so they could be reset did not lessen the pain. It felt like some really fat dude was kicking me over and over in my kidneys. It was worse than any other broken bone that I had. And he wasn't finished.

            Tears rolled down my face and another agonizing scream ripped from my body. It was difficult to breath, but I had too. Forcing myself to push past the pain I sucked in air just as he pushed again.

            Everything went white for a moment and when I was aware of my surrounding I was nothing more than a slave to a Mistress named Suffering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are reading this and haven't read the notes at the beginning please do so, it will clear things up. 
> 
> Struggled with this chapter and almost deleted everything past this chapter and started over. Edited it until it was burnt toast and then tried to edit it some more. So... yeah even though I am not really fond of it, the time to post it had come.


	12. Me and My Smart Mouth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What will you do if I am not?" He demanded and I spun back to him.
> 
> "Knock your ass out and drag you forcefully down the mountain." I growled, "I'm done."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! If you guys are new readers continue on with the story, if you are returning readers who are keeping up with my chapter updates this one is an apology for messing up and skipping chapter ten. If you came straight to this one I want to let you know I messed up the order of the chapters and accidentally posted 11 as 10, it is now fixed so if you wish you can go back and read chapter 10.

 

Solas poked his head into the tent. Four ribs, four. He moved each and every one and I was awake through them all. Yeah, not something that I wanted to repeat, like _ever_. After each one was broken and reset he quickly pushed magic into me which made the pain _worse_.

            Force healing a bone? Yeah, not a laughing matter. It was horrible, worse than the bones breaking which I thought was retarded and made me want to slap the hell out of someone. Unfortunately it was not a wise decision to slap the person wielding the magic who healed my stupid ass so I kept my hands to myself. Barely.

            "There was a single nug among the six traps that you set." Solas whispered. Gypsy had finally returned to sleep and it seemed like Solas was not eager to wake her again, not after what happened after the breaking of my third rib.

            Gypsy apparently gnawed through the rope and tore one of his shirts. There had been some mauling, though on a low scale. Solas told me he would not help me with the wolf pup, and that it was better to kill it now than let it starve because it was not a good idea to keep her. I promptly let him know he could stick it where the sun doesn't shine and told him where the traps were.

            "I'm surprised you found all six." I replied, just as quiet as he was. I made to sit up but Solas glared at me.

            "Healers orders to remain where you are." His tone brooked no argument and I flung my hands up into the air.

            "Are you _not_ sleeping tonight?" I hissed at him, "Someone has to keep watch while you sleep."

            "I have set wards." He defended, "We shall both sleep tonight and if anything gets within in league of us I will know about it."

            "Right, well what am I supposed to do?" I half snarled at him with no heat in my voice.

            "Lay there, in your big girl panties and get some rest." Solas' head disappeared from the entrance of the tent.

            I glared at the ceiling. This was stupid, _he_ was stupid.

            A wet nose snuffled the side of my face followed by a tongue. Giggling I turned my head to look at the midnight pup. She dropped into a play bow. Glancing at the tent flaps I decided that if Solas intended for me to stay put he would have bound me. That thought pushed me to roll over and start to rough house with her.

            It wasn't much, her being as small as she was but I did roll her around on her back and shake her a little. She nipped at my wrist and let a low growl/whine loose before she wiggled free and pranced away outside the tent. Quickly I shot out of the tent after her.

            Together we startled Solas. Alone I pissed him off. Blowing him a kiss I chased my little pup and scooped her up to press kisses to her snout. She wiggled free and I was quick to replace her on the ground before she could break free and fall. She pounced around me, lunging and snapping at my ankles.

            Laughter born of pure delight bubbled up my throat and I picked up a large handful of snow to drop over her. She broke free and used her muzzle to fling a small chunk back at me.

            "You little shit!" I called out as she bolted back toward the fire. Laughter still shook my body and not even the look on Solas' face could dampen it.

            "Need some help cooking that nug?" I asked as casually as I could manage while I walked over. Gypsy was bouncing back and forth. It looked like she was debating on approaching Solas for food. Something inside of me didn't think he would refuse to give the little one a meal. He seemed too kind hearted for that, no matter if he was against me keeping her.

            "Are you deliberately attempting to rile me up, or is that just your personality shining through?"

            "Ouch," I winced as I dropped down on the log across from him. The fire was warm and I held out my cold fingertips. Gypsy whined at me to get my attention. "Well Gypsy turn those puppy eyes on _him_ , I'm on his shit list right now." I winked at Solas. He continued to glare at me, "Are you insinuating that you are an incapable healer and your magic is less than adequate?" I flashed him a grin.

            "It is your personality." He stated and returned to the fire.

            "Oh come on Solas!" I leaned forward and titled my head until I could look him in the eyes. Leliana did say I should be nicer to him, "You did an excellent job on mending the bones and the rest of the stuff that was messing up my back. I feel great."

            "You _should_ be resting." He countered, "Healing magic not only draws upon my mana, it also pulls from the injured. It uses up your stored energy and if you aren't careful you will hurt yourself worse than if I had left your bones where they were."

            "Aww…" I pushed a hand to my chest, "are you genuinely worried about me?"

            His jaw tightened and his nostrils flared. "That is beside the point Luna." I didn't think his lips could press any tighter.

            "Is it really?" I prodded at him, no physically but with words. He ignored me and threw a chunk of raw meat to Gypsy. A part of me softened a little at that. "God you are so like Sten." I sat up and huffed, "Shit it's difficult to stay angry at you."

            "You were angry with _me_?" His tone made him sound indignant. "What have I done that could have possibly made you angry with me?"

            "Uh… broke four of my ribs?"

            He sputtered at me, "That was necessary."

            "And? Doesn't mean it didn't make me angry." I retorted, "Besides I'm not anymore." I winked at him.

            "Is there nothing I can say to persuade you to return to bed?" He sighed. He was doing that a lot lately and… I kind of needed him to not hate me if I was going to keep an eye on him. Time to bust out my mediator skills from grade school.

            "Tell you what…" I started as I looked at the top of his head; I waited until he looked back at me. "I will sit here and watch you cook that nug to perfection, eat it without a complaint and then return to bed. Is that acceptable?"

            He eyed me a moment longer than strictly necessary, "You truly intend to stick to your word?"

            "When have I ever broken my word to you?" I asked incredulous, "In fact _tell_ me when I have ever given you my word on anything?"

            He chuckled and I seemed to be out of the proverbial dog house, for the moment at least. "Point well made, _lethallan_."

            "I'm sorry we haven't found your artifact yet." I whispered into the crackling embers, "It is obviously very important to you if we are out here in the middle of the night searching for it."

            "It is not something you need apologize for." Solas assured me.

            Silence stretched between us. It was more comfortable than it had been on the way up here. Quietly I stood and made to work my way into the forest.

            "Luna?" He called, curiosity lacing his voice.

            "Nature calls." I yelled back at him.

 

"Aww man…" I whined as I rifled through my pack again. It wasn't there.

            "Is something wrong Luna?" Solas asked as he leaned over my shoulder.

            "My shirt, it isn't here."

            "There are many shirts in that pack." Solas observed, "Surely one of them will suffice?"

            "It is my sleeping shirt." I mumbled as I gently dropped onto my back, "I… can't sleep with a lot of clothing on. I… strip in the middle of the night and I'm sure you don't want to wake up to me naked."  I rolled over onto my back and debated on wearing my current shirt and a pair of under clothing.

            "There are very few things that would be more desirable than that." He murmured behind me. It was quiet enough I wasn't sure if I was supposed to hear it or not. It wasn't so much of a murmur as it was a quiet breath of a whisper.

            Elf hearing was apparently amazing as shit.

            "You want to see me naked?" I challenged as I twisted to look at him, completely unable to stop myself. Not that I tried really, if I _had_ wanted to I probably could have. Note _probably_. His eyes rounded slightly and his ears were no longer just a _faint_ shade of pink. They were now magenta.

            He cleared his throat and shook his head, "Forgive me, I did not mean to make you uncomfortable Luna. If you wish I will remain awake and watch over you-" he broke off. "That sounds just as bad as-"

            "Solas!" I chuckled, "I told you, if you wanted to see me naked all you had to do was ask." I winked at him and looked past him. His bag was open and inside was several shirts that would be several sizes too big on me. "Hey uh… weird request…" I pushed into a sitting position.

            "Stranger than my previous comment?" I smiled at his attempt to lighten the mood a little more.

            "Can I… have one of your shirts to sleep in?" I tilted my head and flicked an ear hoping it added some amount of adorable to my face. "I'll return it to you as soon as we're back in Haven, washed and folded."

            He watched me for a solid minute before replying with, "This will help you to sleep?" His face tilted forward and slightly to one side while one of his brows rose in confusion.

            "Yes." My response was quick and I remained very hopeful.

            "The pup will not destroy the shirt?"

            "I will guard it with my life." I swore eyes flashing between his and his pack. "And her name is Gypsy."

            "If the shirt is ruined?"

            "I will replace the shirt." I vowed.

            "You are quite insistent on borrowing this shirt from me." He observed. "Should I be asking for something in return?"

            My eyes darted up to his and I saw amusement in them. He was enjoying this. "Bastard." I grumbled, "Can I have the shirt or not?"

            "Of course." A small laugh fell from between smiling lips as he passed me one of his shirts. It was gray with long sleeves. Quickly I dropped it over my head and started the process of removing the clothing that was under it. As each of them slid out they made their way into the pack.

            "Thank you Solas." I awkwardly patted his back and instantly regretted it. "Oh uh… I forgot to mention that I don't cuddle well so if you get cold just snatch a blanket okay?"

            "I… alright." His tone indicated that he was confused but I just pulled Gypsy closer to me before curling around her and dropping off to sleep. Puppy cuddling? Any day of the _week_!

 

Things had been awkward when I woke up. Solas—much to my dismay—was apparently a big into cuddling. And while I'm sure he tried to restrain himself— _ha ha_ —it didn't quite work. When I woke up Gypsy was laying on my throat and Solas's head was on my chest and half of his body was wrapped around mine. Which was strange because normally I pushed people away and woke up angry when they tried to cuddle in the middle of the night.

            That was yesterday. Last night I was quite insistent that there be no cuddling. At least I had been insistent to myself. There would be _no cuddling_. I was not going to get attached to this man. I would flirt and dance circles around him to keep an eye on him but I would not allow the lines to blur.

            So I was kind of on edge this morning. Why could he cuddle with me when no one else could? What was happening here?

            Solas stood just out of my line of sight. I could see his shadow, but not him. We'd been inside the temple for hours now and there was nothing to be found. I knew this, Leliana knew this, but apparently Solas was dead set on recovering the mysterious piece of history regardless of where it currently was.

            "It isn't here." I stated for the fourth time. Solas ignored me and continued to look. His horse—yet to be named—and Bread sat outside of the entrance. Both of them seemed to be at ease in this place. The red lyrium was starting to get to me. "It's been two days Solas." I sighed and took a step forward.

            He didn't move though I did watch as his shoulder muscles clenched.

            "I'll be the first to admit that the artifact is dangerous and needs to be recovered." I continued as I rounded the corner and took in his large frame. "We are needed elsewhere." My hand raised of its own accord and started toward the back of his tunic. I managed to halt the movement, fingers clenching into a fist.

            "I know." His voice was just as tense as his body.

            "Why are we still here then?" I thumped my head against the wall, careful not to hurt my still healing ribs in the process.

            "It is difficult for me to believe that anyone survived the blast." Solas ground out. "The artifact did not just sprout legs and depart under its own power." Was that attitude I detected in his tone?

            "Ellana did." I pointed out and earned myself a glare.

            "The Herald of Andraste, a blessed hero sent to save us all." He didn't sound like he was particularly in the mood for that line of conversation. He pinned me with a look, "What kind of hero do you think she will be?"

            "That's a bit off topic," I shook my head when Solas remained silent. "I don't know Solas. So far she's done everything that's been asked of her. If I had to choose I'd say she'd put the people first, regardless of the cost to herself. Ellana is a good woman."

            "Surprising that the Humans are raising her up." It sounded like an off handed comment but something in it dug under my skin quickly, "More surprising that she knows any fighting at all."

            "What's that supposed to mean?" I bristled. He was doing so well too, we hadn't argued—truly argued—since I'd gotten back from the Storm Coast and that had mostly been me yelling at him over the dream thing. No I had not forgotten and I _was going to get him to admit it if it killed me!_

            "The Dalish know less than nothing about their past." His face was scornful. It was very close to how he looked the first time Ellana closed a rift. "I walk the fade, witness memories that no living person has ever seen and _freely_ I offered it to them. Only to have them attack me because they do not like what I have to say."

            "And what did you tell them?" I demanded.

            He straightened and turned his glare to me, "That their Gods were not gods at all, merely powerful mages who ruled through fear and slavery."

            "So you attacked their faith?" I let out a mirthless laugh, "I'd be surprised if they _didn't_ run you out of their camp."

            "It is the truth." He insisted.

            "As you see it," I countered. "To them it is thousands of years of verbal culture and history and stories thrown to the side. You tried to upend their entire way of life; can you blame them for being unwilling to listen?"

            "You are just as bad as them." His face was pulling into a glare.

            I laughed, tossed my head back and cackled at the decaying ceiling. " _Them_? Oh Solas, you are hilarious. You are _them_ , they are _you_. All elves have pointed ears, the same blood runs in our veins as it does in theirs. It doesn't matter if they have tattoos on their face, or a city surrounding them. All of you came from the same place." My voice was growing tight, "There was no separate evolution, no huge split of the species that changed one faction more than the other. Petty squabbling like this is why they are so vulnerable to humans. Grow up."

            I spun and started toward the entrance. The sound of Solas fuming practically bounced off the walls around him.

            "Be ready to go in two hours." I snapped over my shoulder. We'd been here long enough and I was tired of the throbbing stone.

            "What will you do if I am not?" He demanded and I spun back to him.

            "Knock your ass out and drag you forcefully down the mountain." I growled, "I'm done, there is nothing here and our energy is being wasted in the wrong area. If you want the artifact track it down and _then_ we'll go after it. Until you do that we are to focus on sealing the Breach."

            "You behave in a manner suited to one in charge."

            "Is that a challenge?" I snarled and started back toward him. Gypsy heard me from wherever she was and bounced into the room, growling the whole way.

            His jaw ticked in time with the vein in the middle of his forehead. Huh… he had a little scar between his eyebrows…. Interesting. A flaw in his otherwise _flawless_ face.

            I shook my head and drug myself back to the present moment. This was no time to be ogling men. "Look, I have my orders and you have your orders. Ellana and her group are most likely half way to the Hinterlands by now. If we don't get there in time she is going without _half_ of her team and honestly I don't trust Iron Bull as far as I could throw him so get your shit together and let's _go_."

 

Three hours later we were partway down the mountain. I packed the camp up, very angrily I might add. Nothing was quite the way it was supposed to be. The sleeping rolls were a little of kilter, the tent wasn't as tight as it could have been and we were missing one of the poles because I'd been pissed and snapped it.

            But we were headed down the mountain so the tension building up just behind my left eye socket was starting to ebb away slowly. I wanted to rage, to throw things away from me and to pull others close so I could hit them, but that was not productive and I'd just given a speech on how to _be_ productive. I'd challenged Solas over the fact that he was _not_ being productive.

            The little flame, the _other_ inside of me, was not happy about that either. It pulsed angrily, dancing and swaying in an invisible breeze. While the tension build up behind my eye was easing there was a growing tension in my gut that I couldn't continue to ignore.

            Come on, it's me we're talking about. I was trying to ignore my ass off about one too many things and I had to travel with Solas for another few days. There really wasn't a lot of options on the table.

            I chanced a peek at him. His face was stoic, a passive mask eclipsed everything and I didn't like seeing it there. Rolling my neck on my shoulders I resigned myself to say something. This silence was going to kill me if I didn't say anything.

            "I'm sorry I yelled at you." I kind of was and kind of wasn't. It needed to be done so we could get out, but at the same time… I'm sure there was a more delicate way to handle that situation. I was supposed to be getting to know him so I could keep an eye on him, not alienate him because I couldn't keep my mouth shut.

            "Apology accepted."

            There was open staring now. That was it? Apology accepted? There was no him playing up his wounded pride and spouting nonsense that the Dalish were backwater hillbillies in his opinion? He must have been dying to do it.

            "That's it?"

            "Would you appreciate me pointing out every flaw in your argument?" He tilted his head toward me. Those blue eyes of his were confusing. One minute they danced with joy the next they were stern. They were always a lovely shade of blue-gray and despite the sternness there was a kindness to his eyes at all times.

            "No, I would probably not be receptive to that." I shook my head and broke eye contact.

            "Then yes, that it is."

            "You're a better person than me." I joked and shot a glance at him from the corner of my eye.

            "Do not say that." He breathed and I turned to watch him fully. "You are a good person, loyal, brave, willing to do the hard things. Do not belittle yourself by comparing me to you. There is no comparison."

            "Where in the seven hells did that come from?" And _how_ did he know some of those things? It wasn't like we'd spent a lot of time around each other.

            "Forgive me, _lethallan_." Solas inclined his head in my direction, "I did not mean to speak so boldly."

            "Yeah, okay but where did it come from?" I asked, tone a little sharper. When he didn't answer I left it alone.

            This was good and all, the interaction but he was holding something back. I was so f-ing positive that there was a secret buried under that lovely pair of eyes, bald head and intense secrecy vibe he had going on. Standoffish. That's what he was. Like he didn't want to get too close.

            Man did I need to have a conversation with Ellana.


	13. Redcliffe oh Redcliffe What Have You Done?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Fan out," someone barked. "One girl shouldn't be difficult to take down."
> 
> "Look for others." Another one ordered.
> 
> "Oh I'm hurt!" I yelled from behind my cover, "Am I not enough for you big boys?" I popped my head around the edge of the table and threw out a singularity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I came across something the other day on tumblr and it... spoke to me. It was about fan fiction and the comments that readers leave behind. I know I've said it before but those of you that leave comments or kudos, that book mark my work or subscribe, each of those is a bright light in my day. It is simply amazing to me that anyone reads my work. No, I'm not fishing for more comments or anything like that. I just want to thank you for allowing me to entertain you and the words you share with me about my stories.
> 
> Read on.

Bread moved under me. With every step he took I moved in sync with him. Solas and his horse were not far behind, their stride matching ours. Gypsy was safely tucked into a makeshift pouch round my chest.

            We'd been following Ellana's trail for little more than two days and there were signs that we were getting closer to her and the others that traveled with her. Problem was I thought they'd be camped outside, waiting for Solas and I to join them. Not walking straight into Redcliffe.

            I understood the severity of this situation, probably better than anyone else here because I could theorize the different possibilities because I loved the idea of time travel. Not that others couldn't think of them, just more like their imagination couldn't go as far as mine. Limited, their minds were limited by what they _knew_ despite what was laying in front of them.

            "Son of a…" I trailed off as I pulled Bread to a halt. The foot prints didn't lead into the village, they led straight up to the castle. In the distance I could see a group of people walking toward the gate to the keep.

            I stood in the saddle and put pressure on Bread's sides. He bolted. I didn't even need to look behind me to make sure that Solas was still there.

            During the entire trip he had not once complained. He rode his horse—still unnamed and I felt bad for her—and she ran like the wind for him. When we had stopped for the day he would dismount and walk her in circles until she had cooled down. After that he would casually slip her a treat, often when he thought I wasn't looking.

            But I was.

            " _Lethallan_!" Solas' voice sounded so very far away.

            Gently I pulled on the reins until Bread slowed and I twisted in the saddle to look behind me. Solas was riding up though at a slower pace than what I had been traveling at.

            "Solas, come on!" I panted, heart beating in my throat. Ellana was headed into shit, I just knew it. "We have to hurry."

            "Luna," Solas shook his head, "we will never reach them in time." He turned to look behind me, "Dorian is that way."

            "How do you know Dorian is over there?"

            "The veil sings his location every time he pulls from it." Solas stated which sounded so freaking creepy.

            "The aura thing?"

            "To put it simply." Solas' face pinched slightly and I had the urge to pat it gently.

            An urge that I squashed until it was dead and buried six feet under. "Right, so are you suggesting…?"

            "That we go with him, this way we will sneak up through the bowels of the castle and ensure Ellana's safety from another direction."

            "But Ellana only has _two_ companions with her." I pointed out, "That isn't enough if we don't get to her in time."

            "Debating this topic will cause that exact thing to happen." Solas stated, "Make a decision Luna, you are the one in charge."

            I felt like he slapped me. "Dick," I growled before pulling Bread around and started to look for Dorian.

            It took slightly longer than I expected. Dorian was like me. Flashy. Liked the eyes on him, I didn't but my nature drew their gaze so why not preen while they were looking? It allowed others to work around me with little fear of being discovered.

            When we stumbled across him he was standing next to a windmill with several of Leliana's other scouts. A few of them I recognized by their faces, none of them were known to me by name.

            "Luna?" Dorian asked, "What in the blazes are you doing here? You're supposed to be with Ellana."

            I grumbled, "Don't have to tell me that." Quickly I threw a leg over the saddle and climbed down. "There has been a complication, we are coming with you guys."

            "We?" Dorian leaned past me, "Good lord! Solas make some noise man, you're so non-descript."

            "Please speak up! I cannot hear you over your outfit." Solas' raised his voice causing me to turn and look at him.

            Did… did he just make a _joke_? A snide joke at that.

            Both of my brows rose and when I turned to look at Dorian there was shock on his face. "Did you do this to him?" Dorian accused, "He normally isn't like this."

            "I kind of like it." I looked at Solas again who was doing something to his saddle. "But I don't think I can take credit for that." I snickered and turned to Dorian again, "We have to go now if we are going to get there in time."

            "Ah, yes." Dorian turned to look at the scouts. "We are experiencing a few problems getting into the tunnel that Leliana described."

            "What?" I pushed past him, "Do we have a signet ring? That's how they got in last time."

            "No, we do not. Leliana was quite sure that one of her men would be able to pick the lock." Dorian's tone indicated what he thought of that.

            "Piece of…" I growled. "Move." Quickly I shouldered my way past the line of scouts. "We're drawing a crowd." Beautiful, I was going to get blamed for this. I just knew it.

            Using a foot I kicked the stray straw off the top of the hatch. There was a small indention where the ring would be placed. It looked like it was supposed to be pushed down and turned.

            "Have we tried filling it with clay?" I asked. No one answered and when I turned to look at them all of them were confused. "It fills the hole, you put more than necessary, pack it in incase there is any one spot that is required to be pressed further in for the latch to lift?" It seemed simple to me, naturally I was used to hacking doors or just breaking them open. I… I mean I _could_ but I didn't really want to.

            "That…" one of the scouts cleared their throats when I turned to look at them, "would not work." He refused to meet my gaze.

            "How are we getting it open then?" I asked, looking at each of them in turn. No one voiced any ideas. "Do any of you have a pry bar?" I sighed. No one answered and I was starting to get agitated. "Out please."

            One of my fingers rubbed the hair of my eyebrow the wrong way. When they didn't start moving I barked my orders again and waved a hand. When the last scout filtered out and Dorian and Solas followed them I turned to glare at the door.

            "Stupid…" Cracking my neck I pulled my left hand into a fist. Using my mind I pulled a biotic field into existence and wrapped it around my fist. Flesh slammed into stone and wood. The stone and wood gave away along with bits of my skin. Clenching my throat closed allowed me to suppress the cry of pain that was dying to escape.

            When my eyes cleared and the world was visible again I saw that the tunnel entrance was visible. The Arl of Redcliffe was going to have to pay to get this fixed. And I was not going to help. Nope.

            I kicked open the door to the windmill and glared at the scouts. "It's done, let's go."

            Solas' gaze flashed down to the blood slowly dripping from my hand. When his gaze darted up to meet mine I pulled my hand behind my back.

            "We don't have any time to waste." I mumbled before dropping into the tunnel behind Dorian.

            I managed to make it a few steps before Solas pulled me to a stop. His fingers wrapped around my left arm. I winced when he lifted my hand until it was visible to him.

            "You are lucky you did not break any of your bones." Solas whispered as he passed a hand over the split skin, "It would be much more difficult to heal."

            "Thank you." It was a sigh of relief. The pain vanished with very little additional pain.

            "Of course, _lethallan_."

 

Dorian and Solas were a god send on this trip. They moved quietly through the underbelly of the keep. I knew the layout—Origins was surprisingly close to the actual thing—so I guided us through. My cover? Leliana briefed me on it despite the fact that I was not to sneak through. It was a 'back up' plan in case things went wrong.

            This lying thing was getting a little out of hand in my opinion. I needed to stop but it wasn't like I could just tell people I'd walked these halls at least ten different times.

            Slowly we carved a path through. The thrum of my bow string was calming. I switched between the two weapon sets. It depended on how much room we had and how many there were. Twice Dorian saved my hide with that flash fire of his. I saved his butt a few times myself.

            At different intersections scouts split off from the main group to clear out the castle dungeons. We would wait for them before moving on. More often than not we simply pushed through while keeping everything quiet.

            Yeah I did a lot of hanging back and double checking where I put my feet. I was not subtle, like _at all_ and everyone knew it apparently so the scouts were treating me like a two year old. One of them stuck to me like glue, quickly pointing out anything that would make noise.

            "I have played hide and seek you know." I grumbled after the tenth time this happened.

            And then everything went sideways. And it was utterly my fault. As per _fucking_ _usual_.

            Team work was not meant for people like me. I was a leopard. A lone hunter. I struck in the night, silent and swift…

            Oh who am I kidding? I was the proverbial bull in the china shop. I shouldn't be sent on delicate missions. This is why I wanted to go with Ellana and not slog through the sewers and bowels of the keep. I was not made for stealth.

            And everyone should have known this by now. In fact, they _did_ but this knowledge couldn't stop them from me being myself apparently.

            It was slightly magnificent, my blunder. Epic was an apt description. See… it started small. I tripped. It happens to everyone right?

            Well from the looks that I got it doesn't happen to elves very often, because our night vision is superb compared to the other races that dot Thedas. I was a very shitty elf though because I _tripped_ on _thin fucking air._

            That's right. It happened. And what came next was worse.

            Not only did I trip on absolutely nothing but I somehow managed—me, five foot three buck ten little ole me—took down the scout—his name was Eric—that had the unfortunate duty of making sure that I made it through without messing up. Poor, poor Eric.

            And not only did I take Eric down with me but I made the most _elegant_ noise ever in my life. It was a cross between a dying hippo and a screeching owl. It did one of three things. First, it alerted every _single_ enemy in the area that there was an intruder in the lower levels.

            Two? It cause a chain reaction. Someone flinched, another jumped. Dorian startled so bad he _knocked over an empty suit of armor_.

            Why was there an empty suit of armor in the dungeon? Beats the hell out of me. Maybe whatever divine creature was currently watching over me liked to make my life a living hell. Or perhaps they took a sick satisfaction out of making me look like an idiot. There were an infinite number of possibilities floating about the cosmos.

            And thirdly… it woke the sleeping wolf pup in my pack who instantly started snarling and yipping inside like the devil was pulling her tail. It honestly couldn't get worse than this.

            "Are you shitting me?" Someone hissed.

            "Hide." I demanded as I scrambled to my feet yanking Eric up with me. All of them stared at me like I was an idiot. I knew I was one but they didn't need to look at me like that. "Fucking _hide_. I got this."

            If there was one thing I could do right, it was fight.

            "You don't know how many of them are down-" Dorian started but when I glared at him he nodded, "Right, you heard our beautiful albatross. Hide."

            "I'll keep them distracted." I hissed as they scattered. "When you find an opening take it and get to Ellana. And do me a favor? Don't look back."

            "What about you?" Solas asked. There was an emotion in his eyes that I didn't take the time to translate.

            "Don't worry about me." I put a hand on his chest and pushed him into the shadows, "If there is one thing I learned in my travels, it's how to survive horrible odds."

            His eyes glimmered in the darkness before he vanished entirely. Slowly I let out a breath and steeled my nerves. There was no telling how many people were rushing in my direction. Was it going to be the rebel mages? Or was I going to face the Tevinter Venatori that Bull so loved killing?

            Slowly I cracked my neck, taking the time to roll my shoulders. I'd wait until they were bunched together. I listened to Gypsy growling inside the pack. Quickly my fingers found the draw strings and I tied it tight, didn't need her getting out and accidently getting squished. When the first one found me I was staring at the ceiling.

            "This stone is so last century." I chirped as another one popped up. "You guys should think about redecorating. I know this lovely interior designer that could work wonders with—"

            A spear made of ice hurtled toward me. Years of training kicked in and muscle memory took over. I dropped and rolled, flinging a hand out as the world spun. My throw made contact and the mage who attacked first collided with the ugly stone behind him. He crumpled to the floor, a trail of blood following him down.

            "One down… thirty to go."

            A rain of magic unlike anything I'd ever seen rolled over me. There was little choice but to find a place to hunker down. Quickly I scrambled until I found a table I could flip over. It wouldn't protect me from everything, there were runes and other traps they could lay under my feet but it was the best I could do at a moment's notice.

            "Fan out," someone barked. "One girl shouldn't be difficult to take down."

            "Look for others." Another one ordered.

            "Oh I'm hurt!" I yelled from behind my cover, "Am I not enough for you big boys?" I popped my head around the edge of the table and threw out a singularity.

            It hung heavy in the center of the hallway. One of the closest started floating, caught in my biotic field. He screamed and a companion rushed forward to help him. When _he_ started floating no one else rushed forward to help. Laughing I threw out another ball of biotic power. It connected to the first man and caused a chain reaction.

            A small explosion rocked out, sending a wave of invisible energy coursing through the air. Screams echoed up and down the hallway. I was going to attract more but if they were focused on me… well you get the idea.

            Standing I walked out from behind my cover. Chaos had been created. The men were screaming at each other trying to determine exactly what I was and how I was doing this. I didn't pause.

            My body bowed forward and I threw a low ball, it felt just like bowling. This sent out a shock wave and another biotic explosion took place causing those that had been caught in my vortex to slam into the walls. There were moans of pain mixed with fear.

            I could feel the timer on my singularity. It was getting ready to expire, so I pumped more energy into it before ripping it to shreds. Energy roared out of it and when the dust settled I walked forward over broken bodies.

            More started to pour in and I threw another singularity at a spot just before the entrance. It was hidden from their view so those that tore around the corner were caught in my web. As soon as they started to float they lost control, held in place my field.

            Until they got smart and circled around behind me. That's what I get for being cocky.

            A scream rippled out of my throat and I stared down at the arrow head that protruded from my shoulder. Someone _shot me from behind_.

            "Coward!" I screamed as I spun, my right hand shooting out to lift the one with the bow into the air before he rushed back toward the ground. He bounced once before he went still. "That _hurt_!"

            Time did what it always did in these situations. It seemed to stand still. For a moment everything was suspended and I wondered why I always found myself in these situations. How it was always myself against tremendous odds, and it was only recently that I'd gotten into them by myself. There had always been a team at my back.

            Or I had someone else's back. Mostly Shepard. She was a woman worth following, she struggled to keep everyone alive, but was willing to make the difficult decisions. It was easier with her, because… because everyone knew what I had been capable of.

            Here I felt like I was alone even when I was surrounded by people filled to the brim with laughter. No one here knew what I could do, they just thought that I was skilled but they didn't know that I could create a barrier strong enough to repel air raids. They didn't know that I could shred the bulkheads of a ship like it was paper. They just saw a small elf, a wisp of a woman who couldn't even sneak properly.

            How useless they must think I am. That thought alone was enough to distract me to the point of stupidity and it was then that I resolved to spill everything. Not to _everyone_ obviously, but the people I worked with on a day to day basis needed to know.

            That meant Ellana and Leliana. Probably the inner circle. Shit, most people were going to find out one way or another. I needed to be able to do everything I could to help save this world, because I was a part of it now. I couldn't have the veil in tatters, couldn't watch as spirits were warped into demons. I was helping sure, but helping was a far cry from what I was capable of.

            The very idea of telling people what I was and expecting them to believe was… horrifying. I wouldn't believe a word out of my mouth. But it needed to be done, and as terrifying as it was… it was the right decision. Better to tell them than the secret getting out on its own and garnering mistrust from the people I was beginning to call friends.

            Pain ruptured my little bubble of thought bringing me back to the fight. My resolve hardened.

            When I was finished everything was silent, except for the whines of the pup in my arms.

            First I would tell Leliana, and if I survived that encounter we'd come up with a plan on how to tell the Herald and the other advisors.

 

Part of the arrow was sticking out of my shoulder. I'd managed to snap head of the arrow off. Really didn't want to pull that part through my body again and I figured that it would be best to pull it out through the back instead of… well I guess it didn't matter which way I pulled it out but the arrow head was easier to break off than reaching around to the shaft sticking out of my back and breaking it there.

            I didn't think that Thedas had recurves yet. Apparently Tevinter was ahead of the curve on technology here. Which was absolutely riveting. Not.

            Gypsy was tucked, once more, in the safety of my pack. No she was not happy with the situation but she was just going to have to deal. The pack was not slung over my shoulder where it had originally been because it was woefully painful to keep it in place. The constant shifting of the wiggly wolf and the bounding of the wooden stick in my body was not conductive to my consciousness so I was currently dragging the bag across the floor.

            At least the EZO container was stashed in my cabin back at Haven instead of my pack. I really didn't need to see what a wolf could do with biotic powers. Not that _that_ is how it would work out, but my luck yeah I'd get a wolf that would sneeze slam at someone. It would be hilarious yes but it would invite so many questions that would probably lead idiots to the container and then it'd be stolen and I'd introduce _cancer_ to Thedas.

            That would be _just_ my luck.

            Someone shot out of the shadows. It felt like a band of iron wrapped around my waist as they lifted me into the air. My arms were pinned to my sides and when I opened my mouth to scream a hand clamped firmly over it. Hot sticky breath fanned over my ear. Whoever was holding me was strong and there was not an ounce of fat on them because I could feel every ridge and plane of muscle on them.

            I kicked out with my feet violently as the person pulled me back into the shadows. My voice didn't go farther than three feet and it was only when I heard a silent laugh that I stilled. When I stilled the pain registered, there was still an arrow in my shoulder. I let out a weak whine.

            Thankfully whoever lifted me up had the middle of my back right around their chest so my shoulder was above theirs.

            That mother humper. He set me gently on the ground and whispered into my ear. Goose bumps ran down my arms and I had the strongest desire to punch him and an even _stronger_ desire to do other things that should never be revealed.

            When I turned his eyes shined slightly, they weren't directed at me but at a large space not far away. Ellana stood before a man that I'd never seen before. Bull and Sera stood next to her, each of them looked very bored with the current topic.

            A smile pulled one corner of my lip up. Ellana just declared that she would give absolutely nothing for the mages, she was going to just _take_ them. The man laughed at her audacity and demanded to know how she planned on doing that.

            It was a non-verbal cue. Inquisition scouts melted out of the shadows. I saw them because of my position. However they were not spotted by the man—magister Alexius I'm assuming. As one his Venatori cult members dropped to the ground, throats open to the world and blood pooling on the ground. That got the attention of Alexius.

            Dorian strode forward. Their voices were quieter now and it was difficult to make out what they were saying. Mostly because Solas had taken a step forward and I could taste the heat radiating off of him. It was delicious and sinfully bad for me.

            One of my hands shot up to mess with the arrow shaft to push the thought of him out of my mind. An almost silent gasp slid out of my throat before I could silence it. Solas took notice, and I knew because his green shimmering eyes locked onto mine and then onto my shoulder. He took stock of the blood that trailed down the front of my armor—easily visible because of its paleness—and his eyes widened. Less than a millisecond later they narrowed and he glared at me.

            I was about to open my mouth when there was a brilliant flash of light. Quickly I spun back toward the area where Ellana was.

            Or should I say _had been_. Because there was now a pile of ash and her and Dorian were nowhere to be found.

            Blood drained from my face and each beating of my heart was felt through my entire body. Slowly I stumbled out of the shadows and made my way toward the gray dust. There was no way she could just be _gone_.

            If Alexius had erased her from time there would be no now. I would not be in this room, the scouts would not be in this room. And yet Ellana and Dorian were not here. That left two options.

            One, they were dead and we were screwed.

            Two, they had been cast adrift in the space time continuum and we were _still_ screwed.

            Pain forgotten entirely I dropped to my knees and stared at what was left of our hopes. "What have you done?" I whispered. A shaking hand extended slowly toward it. Bull and Sera were fighting a wave of men that burst through the doors moments before.

            Or… had they always been there? Had I just not noticed them? Someone was tugging on my arm, screaming at me to get up, that we had to go. But… It didn't make sense.

            How? How could we leave?

            My left hand reached over my right shoulder and gripped the arrow shaft. The cords in my throat felt like they shredded themselves as I pulled it from my body and tossed it to the side. My right arm hung uselessly at my side.

            Bloodied I stretched out my left hand and _pulled_. "What have you DONE?!"

            His body flew toward me, a faint sheen of blue surrounding him. Rage was all I knew. How could he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying the story so far, as always thank you for reading.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anger flashed in her eyes, "Why did you not tell me when you returned to Haven?"
> 
> "Because I was afraid."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 14 is a little longer than my others. Primarily because I put a section in here that spells out her powers for those that don't know all that biotics can do, that and I don't like leaving something unwrapped. I like things with a little bow on top if I can manage it without messing up the story.

We've covered that I am not, nor will I ever be, a team player. Plans went to shit quicker than a camel could spit around me. What we did not cover was my vengeful streak. It was as wide as the Mississippi River back home on Earth. It didn't rear its head often, but when it did there were few things that could stop me short of revenge.

            One such situation was Sidonis. I was part of Garrus' team before Omega, and I stuck around after to keep an eye on the man. He was in a bad way, unable to track him down. We spent what most people would consider a fortune to track him down, and every credit was well spent despite the fact that none of our leads panned out. So when I got a call that Garrus had found him I hopped into my shuttle and gave him a kiss the very next day. Relay jump after relay jump. We started the mission together we were going to end the mission together.

            Shepard had other plans though. For all the different people she could be, we got the Paragon of Paragons. She was the true Poster Child for humanity and she was among the purest nastiest souls I've ever met. She followed the laws to the punctuation, not even the letter, the _punctuation_. She believed in carving order out of chaos.

            Shepard was always a team player. With her you got in line and followed orders or she had no reason for you. When Garrus gave up that shot and just let him _walk away_ I'd been speechless. Sidonis got a free pass, a get out of jail free card. Garrus was a team player from then on, he got in line and followed Shepard.

            What neither of them knew was I tracked down Sidonis after they let him go and I killed him. Betrayal like that does not go unpunished. Many of my friends were slaughtered because of him and I couldn't let it go. Wouldn't let it go. They had been all I had.

            An eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth. It is fucking _biblical_ for crying out loud.

            Alexius had no idea what lay before him. There would be no quick death for him like there had been for Sidonis. With Sidonis I had been merciful. I'd taken him out at two hundred yards, he never saw me coming and never felt the bullet as it passed through his outer plating.

            Alexius? Alexius was going to see it coming. Sidonis had been the death of my friends. Alexius was the death of the world. Sidonis betrayed me and Garrus. Alexius betrayed every sentient race on the face of this planet. There was no going back for him, this was the tipping point.

            "I've always wanted to know what it would be like to give someone a thousand tiny cuts and then drop them into a large tub of salt." A battle still raged around me. Bull, Sera and Solas fought alongside the scouts trying to hold back a tide of Venatori. We might die here today, but Alexius was coming with me. "Have you ever had salt rubbed into a cut? It burns like a mother fucker. Or maybe we'll just watch as the blood drips from your bound body, as it covers the ground I walk on. Which one do you like better?"

            Alexius knelt on the ground in front of me, a dagger to his throat. His eyes were no longer trained on me and my strange magic but on someone behind me. A wail left his throat. There was a soft hand placed against my shoulder.

            "Luna, it is alright."

            Her voice. But… how?

            The control I had over my biotic field sputtered and died. Alexius dropped like a stone and in an instant he was swarmed by scouts. Bull was quick to push between the two of us. His one eye trained on my face before it darted behind me to Alexius.

            "What was that?" His voice was soft but his inflection was heavy. He was making it utterly clear that he had seen what had happened and no he was not happy that something like this was being kept from him.

            I clenched my jaw. This isn't how it was supposed to go down. Leliana was supposed to find out first, and then Ellana.

            All of the people I had only recently started calling friend—yes Solas too—were facing me. They stood between Ellana and I. How did I tell them what I told Leliana without Bull jumping to the conclusion of demons? He _really_ hated those.

            Dorian was watching me with fascination. I didn't know him well enough but he was Tevinter. He was probably dying to find out how he could do my kind of magic. He couldn't, I wouldn't tell anyone how that could happen. I couldn't even look at Varric and Solas' face was carefully blank, though I thought I detected a hint of 'I told you so' written on his face.

            "Once we get back to-" Bull let out a snort cutting me off and I clenched my jaw again.

            "The Iron Bull." Ellana hissed, "Luna has her reasons for keeping her secrets. She will provide an explanation once we are out of Redcliffe." Her gaze was like iron when it turned to me, "And it had better be good."

            "Fuck me." I grumbled but nodded. Leliana was going to be so _pissed_.

 

Something inside Ellana had changed from one moment to the next. I blinked and she was… it's difficult to describe. One minute she was carefree and optimistic, her attitude all but screamed that we'd save the day. Now it was as if she had no other choice. There was no other option for her, no room for error. Something had spooked the woman and where before she had been driven now she was demanding.

            "Speak."

            We'd traveled quite a ways away from Redcliffe. The Queen of Feralden—freaking _Anora_ and her snobby attitude—showed up and demanded the mages leave forever. Ellana offered a place with the Inquisition. They were now preparing to head for Haven. We'd see how the Templars and Commander Cullen would handle a bunch of allied mages running around their base.

            It probably wasn't going to be pretty.

            My ass was soaking wet because I didn't have the strength to stand anymore and Bread had been all but taken away from me. I got to keep Gypsy because no one else was able to touch my little fur ball. She was currently curled up between my legs.

            "And say what?" I asked with a dry laugh, "Everything I could tell you would only push you farther down the 'Luna is evil' path. Is it not enough that I am doing everything in my power to make sure the Inquisition succeeds?"

            "What are you?"

            Human? Turian? Elf? Alien? What was the proper response? I was all of them and something _more_. The little flame inside my chest felt subdued. That was proof that I wasn't _just_ Luna. I wasn't _just_ Emily from a little town located somewhere in Louisiana. I _was_ a biotic bad ass who they'd refused to heal because they weren't sure they could stop me if I was whole. Not that I blamed them because I wasn't sure I could take them if I was either so it removed the possibility from my mind entirely. Kind of because I still thought about it but didn't act on it.

            Not that I would because I was _helping_ here. Despite what they currently thought.

            "I am Luna." I replied, not knowing what else to say. It was true enough, it was who they saw me as. Giving them my different names wouldn't inspire hope in these people. "You know who I am, I'm the same woman that helped on the mountain side, the same one that played cards with you in the tavern last week!"

            "That's _who_ you are," Ellana retorted, "not _what_. I've never seen that branch of magic before."

            I ground my teeth and glared at the floor, "It isn't magic."

            Dorian tittered and shook a finger at me, "If that wasn't magic than I am the Divine."

            "Should I bow?" I snorted, "Is there a special title I should call you by? Did you suddenly grow tits and a vagina while I wasn't looking?"

            "Tevinter has a male Divine Ghost." Varric chuckled, "But Sparkler is right, if that isn't magic I'll eat my coat."

            "Then you'd better like boiled leather because it isn't _magic_." I snarled again.

            "Luna," Solas started, drawing my attention to his non aggressive tone, "is correct." He was staring intently at me. Ellana turned to him and I was looking at him like he was my life line.

            "What makes you say that?" Her tone was softer when she spoke to him.

            "She did not pull magic from the fade as a mage would." Solas stated, "How she accomplished what she did I am not quite certain, but it was not magic."

            Dorian let out a disbelieving laugh. "Of course she did, you probably didn't notice." Fat chance that, Solas had been watching me like a _hawk_. Probably had since the stupid dream fiasco.

            Solas' gaze got a little heated and he turned to look at Dorian. They started to argue but I wasn't listening to them, I was watching Ellana.

            "See, it isn't magic." I pleaded, "I swore my life to the Inquisition. Do you really think that Leliana would have placed me anywhere near you if she didn't trust me?"

            "Does Leliana know what you are?"

            "More than you." I winced at the hurt look in her eyes. "I will tell you everything-" I started to rise but at a quite grunt from Bull I settled back down, "I swear. Take me back to Haven and we'll talk to Leliana. She will confirm everything, hell I'm sure she'll tell you herself at this point. I am on your side."

            "We'll see." Ellana sighed, "Dorian heal her wound. Bull watch her, when he's finished bind her."

            I hung my head. There was nothing I could say to her that would make her believe. If I told her what I really was they'd call me a demon and a liar and I'd be dead before midnight rolled around.

 

Life was hell right now. Everything hurt from my jaw to my shoulder to my newly repaired back. I hadn't eaten since Solas fed me— _like a child!_ —last night and it was embarrassing to go to the bathroom because one of them had to hold me up. Ellana didn't seem to care that she and Sera were unable to assist as I was too heavy for them to hold up. She was still unbelievably mad at me and refused to allow me any privacy. I slept next to the fire at night where whoever was on guard could watch me. I walked next to the horses because she declared that I was a flight risk.

            My shoulders burned. Bull was very good at tying people up and it answered a few questions about his sexual tendencies that I felt I didn't need to know. My elbows were bound together and so were my wrists. The only reprieve I got was at night when he bound my arms to my side and my feet together so I couldn't escape while the majority of them slept.

            Varric, kind man that he was, argued on my behalf that it was inhumane. Ellana refused to budge stating that I could not be trusted until we returned to Haven and Leliana vouched for me.

            I remained silent the entire time. As much as it hurt, I lied to them even if it was through omission. Slowly I was beginning to wonder if it was a wise idea to join the Inquisition in the first place. There were others that could have watched Ellana, another could have eliminated the Crows. It didn't have to be _me_.

            But I was a sucker for causes. Signed up for them before anyone could blink twice. I'd always been one to help the underdog.

            When it was time to move a rope was secured around my waist and I was forced to jog next to them. When it was time to stop to set up camp I was tied to a tree until everyone had finished their portion of the chores.

            Varric took over tending to Gypsy for me, for which I was grateful. They almost abandoned her after the first night when she tried to chew through my ropes. Only my vows of breaking free to locate her kept them from leaving her behind.

            Solas spoke to me freely. He walked beside me and shared more of his memories in the fade. This time I didn't pitch in when he covered one I knew. I didn't want them to alienate him too, just because he was associating with me. It was a huge relief though, that someone could still see _me_ under what I could do.

            "Why are you talking to me?" I asked wearily as I picked up the pace to keep up with my would be friends. It was weird that I _understood_ where they were coming from but I was still so f-ing pissed that they had me trussed up like a turkey at Christmas.

            Don't think I hadn't tried to get out of it. Bull apparently was _way_ into bondage and there was no escaping his clutches. I was starting to lose feeling in my hands, as I had yesterday and the day before. I knew that tonight, when they released me only to tie me up again, that the blood would rush back to my hands and I would get the feeling of being stabbed by a thousand needles all at once.

            It wasn't overly painful but it was uncomfortable.

            "Apologies, _lethallan_." Solas inclined his head. "If you desire to be left alone with your thoughts then I shall-"

            "No," I quickly panted out. Man by the time we actually made it to Haven I might drop a couple pounds, "I am enjoying the company but I want to know _why_." Mud squelched under my boots as I jogged. It rained in this area recently and the roads were a wreck.

            Solas was quite for a long moment. Long enough that I was starting to believe that he wasn't going to answer and just leave me alone. I should have just kept my mouth shut. At least if he was talking about Dwarves picking up a stone in sunlight for the first time then I wasn't listening to the sound of my own haggard breathing.

            "No one should be treated in such a manner." Solas finally stated. I risked a glance at his profile, wondering exactly what was going through his mind. "They are treating you as if you are an animal, not the ally that you have proven yourself to be."

            Shock ran rampant through my body. He really thought that I was an ally? After I lied to them? That was… touching.

            A sharp gasp pulled from my lungs as pain erupted in my ankle. All too quickly I fell and was dragged through several feet of mud and water. Ellana noticed quickly and pulled her horse to a stop.

            "Surely this is not necessary," Solas exclaimed as he helped me stand. He was there so fast I almost hadn't seen him vault from his horse the second my ankle gave out. "She is suffering from exhaustion on more than one level Herald."

            I winced as he sat me on the ground and began the long process of removing my boot. Little grunts of pain followed as he gingerly worked the shoe off. "This isn't necessary." I mumbled. It was nothing more than a twisted ankle. I would be able to walk on it in about five minutes tops.

            "What would you have me do Solas?" Ellana sighed, "She has lied to us. Luna deliberately deceived us, how can we trust her?" Her gaze was guarded and not for the first time I wondered what happened in the future.

            Yup, her and Dorian went to the future. I heard them talking about it around the fire at night. Varric was trying to get all the sordid details. Based on what I knew from Hawke's tale he was planning on writing another book. How could he not with all the crazy shite that was happening around Ellana?

            "She is being pushed too far." Solas continued, "Luna has yet to recover from recent injuries, not only that but she single handedly took out a large portion of Alexius' men while we pressed on so that we might reach you before it was too late."

            "What other injuries?" Her tone was sharp, "There was nothing wrong with her when we left Haven."

            I chuckled, yeah that's what I thought too.

            Solas tossed me a look that screamed I wasn't helping my case. I couldn't exactly control myself at this moment. Perhaps he was right, maybe I was delirious from exhaustion.

            "She refused to explain how she got them but before we joined up with you it was necessary to set several of her bones and force heal them so she would be able to defend you should the need arise." The tips of his ears were starting to turn a faint shade of pink.

            A sudden desire to pull the lobe of one of his ears between my teeth swept through me with such force that it was nigh impossible to resist. Until he pressed on my ankle and then I remembered that I was supposed to be in pain and it all flooded back. The sound of a small groan lifted up into the air as I flopped onto my side.

            I was already covered in mud and other things, what was a little more going to hurt?

            "Luna?" Ellana turned her gaze on me, her eyes slightly squinted. "What happened?"

            "Leliana." I stated. It wasn't a lie. Leliana was the reason I went out there. Too late did I realize that I was stating that Nightingale was directly responsible for the reason I was hurt. "She sent me on a mission." I licked my dry lips as I pressed on, no sense in lying now. Hopefully she would tell them everything.

            "You're talking about you taking down that Crow House?" Bull chipped in, his deep voice rolling through me and causing a spike of anger to surface. More like wounded pride. That asshole, I was going to get out of his bindings just to prove that I could.

            My gaze flicked to his, "I forgot you knew about that." Not for the first time I was amazed at the information that the Qunari was privy too.

            His response was a toothy grin.

            "Crow house?" Ellana looked between the two of us and I sighed.

            "Some prim and proper idiot back in Val Royeaux wanted your pretty little head on a platter." My hands squiggled in their bindings through the mud. I was _hoping_ that it would act as a lubricant but all it seemed to be accomplishing was getting little grains of itself wedged between the rope and my wrist, which made my situation more uncomfortable. Solas did something with my foot that had me jerking it out of his grasp and glaring at me. "That _hurt_."

            "This you complain about." He muttered as he ripped my foot back in his direction.

            I settled my gaze back on Ellana, "It didn't sit well with Leliana or I so she sent me to take care of it. I did, end of story."

            Her gaze held a hint of uncertainty. When she growled under her breath and ordered me to ride behind Solas I wondered what was going through her head. I wasn't about to complain about anything but… why show me mercy if she didn't trust me enough to take me at my word? Was this the compassion of the Elves? Or was she simply taking pity on me?

            A small whine clenched my throat as Solas' healing magic rippled through the lower part of my left leg. I tensed and rode through it, this was but a fraction of the pain I felt when he was healing my ribs.

            When the magic vanished from my body and my muscles relaxed I looked up at Solas. "I'm going to get you so dirty."

            His hand stretched for my face and my breath caught. I was positive he heard it. How could he not with my hearing was excellent? Money that _Bull_ heard it from where he was sitting on his horse.

            When his fingers finally made contact to my skin I almost moaned. The little flame was going wild, fluttering and flickering in an invisible breeze. That little flame jumped what felt like three feet before settling down again.

            His fingertips were rough, like a man who knew hard labor most of his life. I liked the feeling of his coarse skin against mine. Subtly I leaned into it, hoping that no one would notice. When my eyes flicked open again and Solas was staring at me with an unusual look on his face I used his hand to wipe off more mud, pretending that was what I intended the whole time.

            Can't have people thinking I'm going soft now, can I?

 

By the eve of the fifth day Haven was starting to come into sight. Slowly Solas earned back little rights for me and it was slightly ticking me off.

            Why did he care so much?

            It was whoever was inside me that was his goal and I had yet to figure out how to reach her or speak their language.

            So much for approaching Ellana on the topic any time soon. She'd just think I was going to use it against them somehow and clap me in irons again. She gave me little looks, but her eyes were hard through most of it.

            That, more than Solas' steady drive toward 'Luna is a person' fiasco, pissed me the hell off. Before Redcliffe she was attached, giving me hugs, dragging me off to play cards and now? Now she had me bound—she _gagged_ me at one point—and it was really screwing with my desire to stay here.

            Solas slid from his horse and turned to face me. With both of my hands tied behind my back we discovered that my dismount wasn't graceful at all. The first night after Ellana stated I could ride with him I fell flat on my face, using my teeth to grab anything that could possibly stop me on the way down.

            Well I grabbed Solas' pants. Guess he doesn't believe in belts because we almost got a show. It was quite comical to see him shoving me away with one hand while gripping his pants with another.

            Now I had to replace his pants because guess what? Elves have sharp canines and I ripped a hole in his pants. Me. Not Gypsy who looks like she's grown three inches since I last held her, but _me_.

            Yeah, talk about an awkward conversation.

            Slowly—so as not to kick him in the head as I did on the _second_ night—I slid my leg over the saddle and started to slide off. His waiting hands caught me, fingers digging into my ribs slightly. There was no twinge of pain. Each of his hands was large enough to fit more than comfortably round my sides. I blinked up at him as he set me on the ground.

            Whispers started. I was still covered in mud but the men knew my face. I trained with them on a couple occasions so they knew my armor, despite the fact that it was caked in dirt. They all liked me just fine, and even enjoyed my interactions with Cullen. It kept their spirits up slightly which is exactly why I did it.

            It was interesting to watch a five foot three dainty elf square off with a six foot two Viking of a man and walk away with the upper hand. Now? Now they weren't laughing but staring. Intently.

            Cullen must have noticed because he appeared over Solas' shoulder and gave me a _look_ that said I was in all kinds of trouble.

            "Did you have to bring her through in daylight?" He growled as he roughly grabbed my arm.

            "Oh, Commander." I purred as he pulled me away from my knight and shining bald elf. I winked at Solas as Cullen man handled me toward his tent. "Am I the spoils of war?"

            "Hopkins!" He barked, yanking us both to a halt. Apparently my words hit a nerve, "Send word to Leliana that she has arrived. I will follow shortly."

            A tall ginger headed man snapped a salute, fist over heart, and ran for the stairs that lead into the village proper.

            The sound of a dagger leaving its sheath set my hairs on their ends and I whipped around to look at him. He growled something unintelligible under his breath and reached for me again.

            "Hold still," his voice was softer this time, "I'm going to cut your bindings."

            "I told you Curly," Varric snickered as he went by, Gypsy tucked under his arm. She yipped at me several times and I cooed right back at her. Her little butt wagged so hard that he almost dropped her. "She's going to be a handful."

            "Just one?" I quipped back as the dagger slid through the ropes. I moaned in pain as I dropped to my knees. Blood started rushing back to where it belonged. My shoulders were screaming at me and I hunched 'round my middle. "You know I'm worth at least two hands dwarf!"

            "That you are Ghost." Varric saluted, "I'll see you in the tavern later?"

            "He's optimistic." Cullen stated.

            "I haven't done anything wrong." I snapped as I struggled to my feet. It was muddy here too, but that was from snow and dirt and blood mixing together. I wasn't sure if that was going to wash out of my armor. It might be time to look at getting something new, but I was loathed to part with the last gift that Stefan gave me. It was inevitable though, I couldn't run around in blood soaked leather, if it had been darker it would have been easy to just ignore it, but it a creamy color and I knew that it was time.

            "Haven't you?" Cullen questioned as I stood and faced him.

            "What would you have done if you figured out I could do a specific branch of magic that no one else could do?" I retorted, "I'd have been burned at the stake."

            "That's utterly barbaric!" He exclaimed, his eyes rounding. "Where have you lived before now?"

            "Salem." I snorted. It was funny that in this time no one was burned alive, Earth it seemed was all sorts of fucked up. Not that I actually lived in Salem.

            Cullen's lips wrapped around the funny word.

            "Don't worry Curly." I winked as I we started toward the steps, "It'll all make sense soon. Well either that or you'll think I'm nuts, but swearsies," I crossed my heart, "it's all true."

            Cullen did not appreciate my attempt to lighten the situation. We walked in silence for the rest of the way. My scalp itched, Ellana had not been kind enough to allow me to rinse off in the nearest river or brook. That I blamed her for, they all could have watched me shake my ass into that water and I wouldn't have cared just as long as I was cleaner than I had been.

            Bull had been up for the idea, and oddly so had Sera but Ellana was firmly on the 'no' side of things. Mom wasn't any fun.

            As we walked Cullen grew silent. He was more of a shadow than a companion walking next to me. So instead of trying to draw him into conversation I was slowly picking chunks of dried mud out of my hair and flicking it over my shoulder at him. I could hear the little _pings_ when they hit his armor.

            I chanced a glance at him over my shoulder and saw that he was glaring at me. Well, it appeared that Dad wasn't any fun either.

            Sighing I swept into the Chantry and started for the door located behind the alter on the left hand side. As soon as I stepped into the room I saw Leliana leaning against a dark corner. There was something in her eyes that I didn't like. A quick glance around told me that no one else was in the room.

            I rushed forward and started hissing at her quickly before Cullen came into the room. "Look I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I didn't know I still retained my biotic powers when we had the conversation about where I came from." My eyes begged her to believe me.

            "When did you find out?" Her hand was clutched around what I could only hope was the truth stone. Did it give off warmth if I lied?

            "While I was in Antiva." I answered honestly, I didn't want to lie to her. "That's how I took out the Crow House so effectively."

            Anger flashed in her eyes, "Why did you not tell me when you returned to Haven?"

            "Because I was afraid."

            Her gaze softened for just a moment before Cullen slammed the door open. He glared between the two of us. "She is yours, did you know about her abilities?"

            "Yes." I refrained from whipping my head around at her bald face lie. Son of a bitch was she really covering for me? "Luna is a unique creature and I will not apologize for using her talents for the Inquisitions benefit. After we have cleared everything up she shall give those that are deemed necessary a demonstration of her abilities. From there it is up to her if she will reveal to any others. I cautioned her against using them because it would draw attention to her."

 

It took two hours for Leliana and I to convince them that I was telling the truth. In the end it took the truth stone and Cassandra was not happy about the Tevinter stone. Apparently it read the blood of whoever was speaking.

            Ya, blood magic. Cassandra nearly stormed out in a fit of rage. The only thing that held her there was my incredulous story.

            The people in the room were Leliana and Cullen, obviously. Josephine joined us because as our Ambassador she needed to know everything so she could put a positive spin on it. But I was starting to feel like I was going to be their dirty little secret.

            Every girl's wet dream.

            Ellana was there, standing quietly in the corner. Her eyes flashed occasionally. And Cassandra. She was the least happy with everything and the one that I would probably have to work the hardest to win over.

            Not that we had been bosom buddies to begin with but I liked to believe that the small times we'd spent together had made us less than enemies.

            Now I wasn't sure if she wouldn't go out of her way to stab me in a dark alley.

            "If you will excuse us just a moment." Leliana requested as I ended my story, "I need to debrief my agent on the recent mission." She led the way out of the room and took us down to the lower levels.

            We passed right by Roderick's room and continued deeper down the hallway. A key appeared in her hand and when she ushered me inside I saw a bed that looked like it hadn't been slept in for several days and a cold hearth.

            "What exactly can you do?"

            "In the simplest way I can describe it I affect gravity." Her eyes widened, "It isn't exactly that but I can pull objects toward me or push them away. I can create barriers that prevent projectiles from reaching their destination among several other things."

            "Where would be the best place for you to show us?" She was speaking quickly and quietly. This probably wasn't the smartest move on her part.

            I winced, "Unless you want everyone in the Inquisition to know we need to do it either at night out in the training yard or in the clearing past the lake. Either will look suspicious."

            "Can we not do it in the jail cells?" Leliana asked. I shook my head at her.

            "It is too close, if one of you got caught in my field it could cause harm. Not to mention that several of my… spells for lack of a better word are very destructive and might tear down the Chantry."

            Her eyes widened again, "You are that powerful?"

            I smirked, "Yes I am."

            She pinched the bridge of her nose and sat down. "Very well, but it will look suspicious if I go with you. Tonight after the second hour this morning you and I will go to the woods and you will show me _everything_." When she looked up at me her eyes were like steel.

            "Of course," I nodded quickly. She stood and started toward the door. "Leliana?" She paused, "If it's any consolation I had intended to tell you when we returned, things just got… complicated after Ellana's trip to the future."

            She looked down at the stone in her palm, it stayed silent. "Thank you, Luna. That makes you easier to trust."

            It still irked that she needed to consult the stone to take me at my word.

 

Cullen, Cassandra, Solas, Varric, Sera, Blackwall, Dorian, Vivienne and Ellana all followed me past the lake and deeper into the woods. I've trouble sleeping at night so frequently I traveled outside of Haven's gates to explore the area around me. I'd discovered a field covered in pristine snow that not even animal had disturbed. After checking the trees that surrounded the area I was able to determine that no one came out here, there were no foot prints from soldiers or scouts. It was the perfect area to let loose on my abilities.

            "Please remain in one area." I requested.

            I don't know who did it, but someone arranged for a bath to be drawn in my cabin. When I had walked into it I nearly let out a string of delighted curses. Instead I wasted no time quickly stripping down and scrubbing myself clean. My once brown hair was again a shining silver and there was no more dirt in my butt crack.

            The armor wasn't salvageable. Which hurt more than I thought it should have. Stefan was a good man but there was something funny going on with the Gray Wardens. I don't know if he was privy to the information before hand or just following orders. Nothing seemed to be wrong with Blackwall so I wasn't sure if it was _all_ of them, or just a select few. And it wasn't a priority right now.

            The Breach was.

            "What are you going to do lass?" Blackwall asked. His voice was gruff and when I looked over my shoulder confusion was written on more than one face. All of those that hadn't been present during Redcliffe had no clue, thank Bob for small favors.

            "There are certain things you need to know about me," I started as I bent down to gather a hand full of snow, quickly my fingers worked to compact the delicate frozen water. "No we aren't doing the touchy feel good sharing of my past story, unless you all want to give me your deepest darkest secrets in return." I glanced up and a few of them looked uncomfortable. Blackwall was among them. Interesting. "Don't worry I kid, but if I'm going to be fighting beside you guys when we leave this area you deserve to know to stay the hell away from my abilities."

            I threw the snow ball gently at Bull. He caught it and gave me a quizzically look.

            "Don't hold on to it, don't throw it or anything, just hold it in your palm." His nostrils flared but he did as I asked. Quickly I threw a hand out directly in front of me, mind focused completely on the ball of snow. Ripping my hand back to me as I called up my biotic abilities. Everyone's eyes didn't go wide or anything as the snow ball launched itself toward me, spinning I tossed my hand back out again, dropping down to one knee so that the angle would be different. A blue orb left my fingertips and smacked into the now compressed ice shard.

            A small explosion detonated around it and it launched itself away from me and the people standing in front of me. It was in the direction of the mountains, something that I'd been careful of. Didn't need a killer snowball dropping in the middle of town.

            "The shit was that?" Varric spun to watch it, "And it isn't magic?"

            "That was Pull and Throw." I answered, "Vivienne could you please answer for him if it was magic?" My ice blue eyes swept to her brown ones. Her eyes were dangerous. There was a calculating gleam in them. If there was anyone I could have kept in the dark about my abilities it would be her. She craved power of all forms, and this one would be deadly if she ever got her hands on it.

            "No dear," she responded quietly, "it was not magic."

            Dorian clapped, "Can you do that again?"

            I laughed and shook a finger at him, "I have more to share with the class." Spinning I threw a right hook, a small grunt leaving my throat. Singularity tore from my clenched knuckles to hit the snow thirty feet to their left. It appeared that we had fresh powder in the area.

            The snow started lifting around my singularity according to its magnetic poles. It was a slow drift but I knew that it harmed the people caught in hypnotic pull. Quickly sneaking a glance I saw that several people had stepped around one another and were staring at it.

            "Stay away from this one at all times." I kicked around in the snow until I found a rock, stooping down I picked it up and chucked it at the slow spinning ball of doom. It was caught in its gravitational pull and slowly started to drift around it. "Anything with a beating heart caught in that thing will suffer damage, so if you see it get back." Done with that one I pulled my hands together and ripped them apart in one smooth motion. The singularity erupted, sending out a small blast, quickly before the rock could hurt anyone I pulled it toward me.

            As soon as it connected to my palm I threw it out again, wrapping my mind I used slam and it rocketed toward the ground. My arm jetted out like I was bowling, a wave of power left me. Every half second the snow was disturbed.

            "There are others," I turned to face them fully, "but I don't usually use them. Typically you won't have to worry about any of these getting anywhere near you. I am very careful with my abilities."

            "Where did you learn these…" Dorian waved his hand, "what did you call them?"

            "They are biotic abilities." I answered, "And that is something that your gods willing, you will never learn."

            As my gaze swept over the group I noticed that Sera looked utterly _thrilled_ —sense sarcasm—about what I'd shown them while Bull and Blackwall looked at me with new found respect. Cullen looked incensed that I'd hidden this from them.

            "Is there any chance that your… whatever it is can cause you to be possessed?" His eyes were fixed on my face and I shook my head.

            "No more than someone without mage abilities. Perhaps while sleeping if I used them it would cause interest among spirits or demons but it does not make it easier for them to gain access to my mind." At least I didn't think it did. That same damned desire demon popped up every now and again—it had while we were traveling back to Haven—but it was probably just a fluke nothing more.

            "Can you teach others how to harness this power?" Of course it came from Vivienne.

            "No, I will not." I turned toward her and let her know that I mean business. "What happened to me is a one in a million chance. I was lucky it could have killed me. I won't let anyone else take that chance willingly."

            "You would keep this power for yourself?" Dorian sounded a little hurt.

            "It wouldn't be just _you_." I stated gently, "What caused this it gets in the air, in the water we drink, in the food we eat. If I were to offer this power to anyone it would kill about seventy percent that encountered it, others would get sick and die from something you couldn't see and if we were lucky less than one percent would develop what I have." I looked at all of them, "Like I said, I was _lucky_."

            "Everything you showed us was offensive." Bull remarked, his gaze sweeping over me critically, "There is nothing defensive about you?"

            I snapped my fingers at Varric, "Shoot at me."

            "What?" He exclaimed, "I'm not going to shoot you."

            I wiggled my brows at him, "You don't think you can hit me?"

            He scoffed, "That's the problem Ghost, I would definitely hit you."

            "I don't think you could." I shook my head and gave him a shit eating grin.

            "I'm not going to shoot you." He insisted.

            There was a creak of a bow string being drawn and before I could blink I threw up a barrier. Spinning to look at Sera I gave her a wide smile when her arrow fell into the snow, useless.

            "I knew I could count on you." I winked at her. "Short of mother nature deciding she needed to take a shit on me I can stop almost anything." Sera let out a cackle of laughter.

            "This is going to be brilliant."

            "Do you have any idea what you've done?" Varric asked as he looked at me. I cocked my head in his direction and lifted an eyebrow at him.

            "What?"

            "Dear," Vivienne chuckled quietly, "all you've done is encouraged the woman to try and actually hit you now."

            I cast a glance at Sera and she shrugged, "I won't shoot arrows or anyfing, but I am gonna hit you."

            Wonderful. I saw a lot of bugs and other nasty projectile things in my future.

            "Is that all?" Ellana asked. Her tone was stiff and when I gazed into her eyes I still saw the look of a woman betrayed.

            "That's all." I answered quietly. So much for us being friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you are continuing to enjoy the story. Things get interesting in the next two chapters for our Ill fated love birds. It is a Solas romance after and I have to move things forward sometime.


	15. Fixing Bets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gypsy appeared out of nowhere and sunk her teeth into my arm. Her teeth were like needles but it gave me the advantage I needed. The woman recoiled in shock, withdrawing back into my body, moving from the driver position to where ever she stayed inside of me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! Things get a little interesting and a little tense. I'm a couple chapters ahead and I'm still chugging along even thought its late where I am. So... that means that another chapter will probably (might) be up later tonight or tomorrow. 
> 
> Real quick! Something in the last comments brought my attention to the fact that I haven't told you guys I am open to prompts or things you want to see in the story. This is a work in progress and while I have a rough idea of what I want nothing is set in stone and parts change as things occur to me. I write for fun and because I like to share my stories so if I can work it in (despite how funny or awkward it might be lol) I will. If not I will try to write an offshoot and incorporate the idea into that.

Cullen pulled me aside after everyone started to leave and looked at me for a long time. "What are you?"

            His words were sincere and there was no malice behind them. He knew everything that the higher ups did but he was still curious.

            "I don't know if there is a label I could put on it Cullen." I shook my head and leaned past him to make sure that the others were far enough. "Bull has a small penis." He didn't turn around and Solas didn't flinch so we were good. When I looked back at Cullen his eyes were almost popping out of his skull. I laughed, "Sorry I had to make sure we were out of ear shot. I'm sure The Iron Bull is hung like a… well a bull." I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, allowing myself time to re-center to answer his question. "You know everything that has happened to me. After everything I've been through it is fair to call myself human? That's how I started out but I've spent time on different planets now I have pointed ears. There is no way for me to say one hundred percent that I am any one thing."

            "Are you really on our side?" His words were earnest and I respected him a little more for being so candid with me.

            "I don't think there is an answer that I can give you that will satisfy you." I smirked, "If I told you yes there would still be a kernel of doubt in your mind that I'd do something to put everything in jeopardy. Only time will tell if you can trust me."

            We stared at each other for another long moment before he finally sighed and rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. "You're right." He turned and walked away from me. "Come to the training yard and fight with me. It will give them men a boost."

            "Verbally or physically?" I challenged as I skipped forward and fell in line with his step. "Because I don't think the men could handle a petite thing like myself taking down the Lion of Feralden."

            He laughed at me. "I accept."

            I laced my arm with his and smiled up at him. "You're going to eat those words."

 

The men formed a casual circle around the two of us and for once Cullen was not barking at them to return to their training. Promises were made that I would not use my otherworldly abilities on him which he claimed was cheating. If it was anything other than a mock battle to raise the spirits of the men I would have done it anyway.

            I always had been, and always would be, a cheater when it came to fights. There was no honor in fighting fair in a world that would see you gutted and laying on the streets dead. No, I learned several lessons the hard way and military life beat certain things out of me.

            Like accepting failure.

            Cullen moved first, his sword arching up over his head before slicing down toward my chest. Quickly I brought up my daggers. The flat of the blades lay against the outer portion of my arm. The wooden sword bounced off of them though he struck me hard enough to jar bones. His shield flew toward my face, the angle of it tilting down slightly.

            Cullen moved like lightning, quick and deadly. There was no extra movement, no waste motion to his strikes. They were precise. He was someone who trained with a sword for years to become this proficient with that blade. If he had a steel edge I'm sure I would be sporting several wounds by now.

            A glimmer shown in his eyes. He may have been the Commander of the Inquisition but he enjoyed the fighting. He wasn't a mad dog of war but he excelled and even enjoyed the sparring, something I didn't think he got to do often enough. I would have to speak with Cassandra and see if we could set up a routine or something where I sparred with him once a week.

            Who knows, he might even learn something.

            Daggers flipped back into fighting position and I rushed him, ducking low and dodging to the right to make it around his shield. His sword was ready for me. There was a flurry of blows before I spun away and put distance between us.

            It'd been going on like this for quite some time. Neither was willing to yield ground and a shield to the face had taught me not to stay inside his range for very long. I was fighting with guerilla tactics. Get in and get out, except it wasn't getting me very far.

            The men cheered around us and I debated upon taking him down or letting him win. I felt like if I threw the battle he would know. Or Cassandra would who was standing on the sidelines with Bull, Blackwall and Varric.

            "Ten royals says Curly walks with no mud in his hair." Varric chimed suddenly.

            Bull laughed and leaned forward. "I'll take that bet dwarf."

            "It isn't decent to bet on the outcome of a fight." Cassandra sniffed. "All things considered… five royals says she does something wild and outlandish before the fight is through."

            "You're on Lady Cassandra." Blackwall chuckled. Apparently he had not seen me in action yet. "But it can't be something an elf would do."

            "Agreed." It sounded like there was a certain smug note in her voice. Damn my elf hearing. Now I wanted to dance on top of Cullen's shield while dropping mud in his hair. I think I could do the mud but… dancing on the rim of his shield was probably something I couldn't pull off.

            Several of the men added their bets which included me slipping in the mud and giving everyone a show to how many rounds the fight would last. I decided that I wasn't going to give everyone the kind of show that particular soldier was talking about.

            On our next clash I muttered something to Cullen so that Bull wouldn't hear.

            "Did you hear the bets their placing?" By his raised brow he had not. Distracted I managed to slip past his guard and managed to land a hit before he forced me back. We rushed each other again, "Feel like toying with the outcomes?"

            He gave me a small smile and half a nod. I smirked back. Mud. It was definitely going to be the mud. I dropped a dagger and picked up a hand full of the gunk that lined the ground. His eyes widened slightly and he shook his head. He didn't even know where it was going.

            Bull roared with laughter. As I advanced Cullen did as well, uncertainty written on his face. At the last second I dodged around the shield and threw the mud at the back of his head. First bet secured.

            When he turned I knew that if I threw the fight, he wouldn't notice. Cullen's eyes were slits now and the men joined Iron Bull in laughter. A blush that started at Cullen's neck quickly moved up his face and he cast a glance around.

            "What was that about?" He asked during our next struggle. I was fighting with a single dagger now so it was easy to put myself at a disadvantage.

            When I told him he threw a glare at Bull and Varric who were currently exchanging money.

            "Who do you want to win next? Cassandra or Blackwall?" My voice barely a whisper.

            "Cassandra." Cullen stated. Ohh… he wanted to see something wild and outlandish? Alright. Dancing on the shield was out but what if… Or did he just want to see Blackwall lose? Ellana had been flirting with the bearded man ever since he came into Haven whereas previously she had given Cullen her full attention.

            Was he a jealous man?

            Didn't matter this was going to be fun.

            My dagger left my hand flying toward Cullen's face. He registered the blade and lifted his shield to block it. The shield was high enough that he didn't see me sprinting toward him. Quick prayers flew across my mind that I didn't biff it during my mad dash toward him. I'd seen it in movies but never actually done it.

            As his shield started the descent it was too late for him to do anything. I was feet from him and he hadn't expected me to rush him. My hands planted on the front of his shield, using it for leverage I pushed off of it and brought my legs up. Between one blink and the next they were wrapped around his neck and I angled my body down and away from him yanking my legs along with the rest of me. He tilted forward and I finished the motion.

            It seems I didn't need to work so hard to get mud in his hair. We were both covered in it. Instantly I released him and backed away, falling into a fighting stance with both hands raised before me. There was no time for me to locate my daggers that were yards apart from each other.

            When Cullen rose he looked like he was either about to laugh or split my skull open. There was a fine line between laughter and straight anger. It seemed he didn't know which side of the line to stand on.

            Lucky for me because that wooden sword hurt enough when he barely smacked me with it.

            Half a smirk crossed my face as I ran a hand over my eyes in attempt to clear most of the mud. My hand flicked to the side, ridding myself of the excess. Cullen charged me, the only thing I could do was dodge and try to make this look real.

            Until it became very real. My ankle, still healing from Solas' earlier attempt on the road to Haven, gave out from under me and when I looked up there was a sword at my throat and a very satisfied Cullen.

            "You fight like a woman cornered." He stated good naturedly, his hand extended toward me. I laughed as I clapped my hand in his and he yanked me forward.

            "Remind me when no one else is around to tell you about the time Shepard and her team invaded a facility and we took down some Asari Commandos." I clapped his shoulder, "Now _those_ women knew how to fight. I'm just a scrapper."

            The sound of little yips caught my attention and I turned to see Gypsy struggling from a pocket in Varric's coat.

            "Oh baby girl!" I cooed as I hobbled toward her, "I missed you so much!" She hit the ground running, mud coating her little paws. She jumped and I leaned forward, my hands fumbling to catch the eager pup. She didn't settle down until she was halfway down my shirt. Her little nails were sharp and they left pink lines against my skin. The mud stung where they touched it and I remembered that dying from a small infection was a very real thing.

            Didn't people die from splinters in the dark ages? Son of a motherless goat I needed to take a bath and scrub down with some iodine.

            What did they have for disinfectant here?

            That seemed like a question for our resident healer! And it was a perfect time because he could yell at me for screwing up my ankle again.

            "Alright men!" Cullen barked, "You've had your fun."

            The soldiers that circled us were all cheering for their Commander, their fists thrown in the air. I was glad that I didn't win, it was better for them to see their leader win than some backwater elf from Nowhere Town.

            Cullen barked his men back into their training groups and I snuck away quietly while Bull wandered over to talk manly things about our fight. He looked over at me though and I read the words _that was hot_ on his lips before he winked at me.

            Seems that Ellana was the only one holding a grudge. Not that I blamed her, though I wanted too. Leliana vouched for me but I'm assuming she still felt betrayed about the whole situation. It was a lie of omission, but still it was a lie.

            Pressing kisses to Gypsy's soft muzzle I started toward the Tavern. We arrived what felt like days ago but it'd only been a few hours. Maybe if I showed up with food Solas would be less likely to get angry at me because I was limping. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

            I giggled as I remembered a lame joke from a game I played years and years ago about going through the rib cage to get to their heart. Silly little things like that made me yearn for my Earth.

            I wondered if my bath would still be in my cabin. Dumping the water would be necessary but I didn't mind lazing about while new water heated up.  

            Quietly I slipped into the tavern and looked for Flissa. The woman was kind and had a gentle touch. She didn't care if you were short or tall, blond or ginger, or even an elf. Many people shied away from me simply because I had pointed ears. Mutters of knife ear came from human tongues while the elves returned in kind with _shem_. Flissa though? She treated everyone equally and I really liked her.

            "Afternoon Luna!" She called as she spotted me, "Stand in that corner!" Apparently she noticed the mud. I winced and nodded at her, retreating to the designated spot. "I'll be right with you."

            She spun away and laid plates of food before the soldiers and Sisters alike. It wasn't long before she turned her attention toward me again. As she approached me she wiped her hands on the edge of her apron.

            "What can I get you?"

            "Two of whatever you have." I smiled, "And can I get some milk with honey?" Solas frowned upon anything that was alcohol or caffeinated. Weird, weird man.

            "I suppose you'd like your normal Chasind Mead?" She called as she made her way into the back room.

            "Yes please!" Gypsy whined at me, "And can I get a raw chunk of meat?" Flissa hummed in my direction.

            My fingers ran through my little pup's fur and down her snout. Gypsy licked a spot on my hand that was free of mud.

            "Oy!" Someone called out, "Elf!"

            Nope, I wasn't going to look. I was not going to engage. I was going to get my food and then leave. That voice sounded gruff and they didn't know me. There was a huge possibility that they weren't even talking to me. There were plenty elves in the Inquisition, many of them served as servants or spies. No one noticed an elf.

            Unless they looked like me. Being covered in mud probably drew extra attention to me.

            Ignoring the calls I continued to lavish Gypsy with love and affection. Flissa would be back any moment and-

            A hand gripped my arm and spun me around. The hand belonged to a beast of a human. He was tall, around six foot three. His face was covered in five o'clock shadow. His eyes were dark enough that in the dim light of the tavern they looked black.

            "I'm talkin' to you." He growled at me. My gaze shifted to his hand on my arm. There was little I could do to him in a crowded place such as this. Anything would draw more attention and Gypsy was too little to be involved in a fight right now.

            "That's nice," I commented as I attempted to pull my arm out of his grasp. "I was ignoring you." His fingers clenched around my arm, pain started to envelope the area.

            "That's not very nice." He grunted as he pulled me forward. His strength was greater than mine but it didn't stop me from digging my feet in.

            "Boris!" Flissa snapped, "I don't want no trouble in my establishment. Let her go."

            Several other soldiers noticed and tension skyrocketed in the room. Hands hovered over hilts as several of the men recognized me. I was liked by many of them and I wasn't sure how far they'd be willing to go to help me.

            "You heard her!" Sera stood up, an arrow clenched in her right fist. I smiled, Sera would help me, that much I was sure of. "Let Luna go."

            Boris read the room, his dark eyes flashing back and forth.

            "This isn't over." He grunted at me but he let me go and made his way back to his table. The group of men sitting with him looked… they weren't part of the Inquisition. This may be the main base, but Cullen and the others would never allow these men to represent their organization.

            Flissa stepped between me and them, blocking me from their sight and drawing my attention to her.

            "Don't let that lot catch you alone." She advised as she handed me my order. We were well into the lunch hour. Two plates laden with cheese, bread and some sort of stew were on a tray along with the drinks and Gypsy's meat. "Be a doll and bring the tray back?" Flissa smiled and ushered me out the door. "And don't come in covered in mud."

            I chuckled, "Promise it won't happen again."

            Gypsy and I slowly made our way towards Solas' cabin. I was hoping that he was there, he was rarely gone from it when he was in Haven but still I imagine that from time to time people liked to get out and experience new things.

            His door came into range and I was just about to knock when it started to open. Something inside of me demanded that I dart quickly round the side. It wasn't very sneaky or smooth but that little flame danced angrily and it felt as if it pulled me 'round the navel to the side of the house.

            "You have got to stop doing that," I hissed at my stomach. Horror and panic swept through me when it gave off an apologetic flare. It was sentient and I wondered just how much it understood and if one day it would take over completely. Would I cease to exist or would I turn into the woman who hid inside of me? Would we merge and I become nothing but a spectator inside of my own body?

            "I know it may seem difficult _da'len_ ," Solas' spoke, ripping me from my thoughts. "If you are able, it would be wise to come to terms with the situation. There was no malice in the actions that took place."

            "Yes, yes I know." Ellana spoke and my interest was piqued. "You didn't see her though," there was a slight pause. "It was terrifying in the future. Whoever this Elder One is… he completely took over her mind and used her as a pawn. You told me that yourself, when we rescued you from the dungeons."

            I suppressed my intake of breath. Was I vain enough to think she was talking about me? Yes, yes I was.

            "Your presence here has altered the course of the future you saw. Without you we failed, with you we have a chance to right the wrongs that took place at the temple." There was a clinking of a bottle. I didn't look but boy was I tempted. "This will help you sleep," Solas spoke softly. "It was apparent you have been afflicted by nightmares since returning from the future."

            "What would I do without you?" Her voice was warm with affection and the little flame went wild in my stomach. My face flashed red and my hands clenched. Just who did that tramp-

            What was happening? Was I… _jealous_? Holy Toledo I did not have time to have those kinds of feelings for anyone, let alone a man that I mentally couldn't trust.

            Images flashed in my mind. Solas healing me, feeding Gypsy bits and pieces of his dinner when he thought no one was looking. How he held me on the horse with my arms bound so I wouldn't fall.

            The one that was the most prevalent though was the look on his face when we were up the mountain. Utter horror as I traipsed around on the back of a demon.

            _Stop that_. I chided internally, hopefully the flame could hear me because I was most assuredly not the kind of woman to pine over a man.

            Not anymore at least. That was a one way road to Heartbreak City. I wasn't just a tourist in that place; I owned a town house with a magnificent view of Betrayal Plaza where jilted lovers went to weep.

            It flared inside of me before I squashed it. Stupid woman thing that was in love with Solas. Who the fuck was she anyway?! My Turian body didn't have another soul hanging around. It was just the two of us in this body, not three. I wasn't getting paid enough for this shit.

            And what's worse? I didn't have anyone fluent in Elvhen that I could talk to about what Solas said and how to force him to squeal on himself because Ellana was butt hurt at me. I was going to have to think of a plan B. It took me forever to come up with plan A that I wasn't sure there was a _possibility_ of a plan B. I was never a multiple plan kind of girl. I went in, smashed shit and got out.

            During my inner turmoil Ellana had wandered away. Her raven hair glistening under the light of the sun as she headed down toward the smithy. Which reminded me that I needed to get a new set of armor.

            Limping I made my way from my stupid hiding spot, still cursing the consciousness inside of me, and knocked on Solas' door while balancing our food on one hand. Oh god I was _feeding_ him. Shit…

            His brows furrowed in disapproval when he saw me. I gave him a toothy grin, "I don't suppose you'd be willing to take another look at my ankle?"

            "You are in need of a bath." He observed. Pinching the brow of his nose he stepped back and waved me inside.

            "I had one," I winced as I put pressure on the ankle. It was definitely bruised. Each step was a small slice of agony. Gypsy growled in my arms, her gaze trained on Solas. I jostled her a little to get her attention, "Stop that." She squirmed in my arms and I set her down.

            "Do not let her piddle in my home." Solas warned as he placed a chair next to me. "Sit."

            A sigh escaped my lips as I did as requested. The food disappeared from my grasp; Solas whisked it away to a nearby table. When he was in front of me again he had a bowl and a rag in his hands. My eyes widened and I cocked an eyebrow at him.

            "I'm not taking a bath here." I stated, "So you can put that away, I just need a-" he grabbed my ankle and I almost screamed. Teeth dug into my tongue as I snapped my jaw shut to prevent sound from coming out.

            "I am aware of what you need." Solas informed as he dipped the rag into the water. It was steaming and I—not for the first time—was sad that I didn't have mage abilities. To be able to heat water instantly? Oh man would I bathe on the regular. "However mud on the floor is not something that I desire." He rung out the cloth and passed it to me. The bowl was pushed to a spot that I could reach it.

            He had another rag in his hand. His touch was gentle as he wiped away the mud on my pants and rolled them up to look at my ankle. There was a disapproving noise and a slight jarring of my foot. Air rushed in between my clenched teeth and I glared at him.

            "Can you not?" I barked. My rag was absolutely covered in gunk. Gypsy barked at me, prancing around the table that held the food. "Give me a minute!" She barked again and bounded around to the other side. The chair started to move out and my eyes widened as she continued to push it out.

            Holy shit was she smart.

            "Gypsy." Solas called over his shoulder, his attention was fixed on my ankle but somehow he knew the pup was up to something. "She needs training."

            "She is like… nine weeks old!" I really didn't know how old she was but she was _young_. Like, I'm pretty sure she still needed mother's milk young. I'd need to load her up on whatever passed for vitamins here and make sure she didn't get sick. "Training will start when she is past three months. Ideally we would wait until six but I need her before then."

            Solas looked up at me as his hand started to glow. I tensed as the green glow pressed against my ankle. Tingling pain started in my heel and slowly worked its way past my skin and down into my muscle and bone. I tilted my head back and slouched in the chair. The rag was clenched tightly in my hand.

            As soon as it started it was over. The flame was going wild and Solas was going beyond polite touching for a healer. His hands—magic, wonderful, strong, firm, _delicious hands_ —slowly worked their way up my calf. His fingertips dug into the muscle and there was a faint tingling, a hint of healing but not full blown. It felt… amazing.

            Groaning I rolled my head on the back of the chair. His hands continued up, they wrapped around my knee. Pressure was applied to both sides.

            "You're tense." He was so quite that if I'd been human I wouldn't have heard him, "The muscles are rigid, unforgiving. There is more to you than meets the eye." When his hands slipped _farther_ up my leg and stopped on my thighs I lifted my head to look at him.

            "What are you doing?" I whispered. Magic was still flowing from his hands and I was all but putty for him to mold to his liking.

            Something _pulled_ sideways inside of me. I resisted but it wasn't enough. My limbs were moving of their own accord. Suddenly I was sitting up, a hand pressed against his jaw, cupping it lovingly. My lips moved but no sound came out.

            We struggled against each other, me and the flame. I felt anger at my refusal to allow her to be in control.

            Yes it was a _woman_ and she was _livid_.

            _Kiss my lily white ass_. I growled internally as I tried to regain control. This was my body now, I was in control. She wasn't normal, she wasn't supposed to be inside with me. Memories flashed before my eyes, memories that didn't belong to me.

            Crystal spires twined with trees under the two moons. There was a dull light that emanated from everywhere, bright enough to see by but dim enough that it didn't hurt the eyes. Elves were everywhere, those with Vallaslin and those without.

            The scene shifted. A war, a battle. Bloody and hard. Her hands were covered in crimson liquid and when she looked in a pool of water her face was my face. There was a faint silver line around the edges of our irises, something that was not natural to my eyes.

            I focused on that. We were different, we weren't the same. She was taller, her hair darker than mine. Her nose was straighter, and her lips didn't have my dramatic cupid's bow. This woman and I were separate entities.

            " _Ar te'elan ver ash_." The words were halting. The flame, the _intruder_ , was not in full control. Whatever she was saying was forced out with great difficulty.

            Solas' eyes widened and his hand came up to cup my face. Our face, _her_ face. It was too much to keep track of. She was there and so was I. I could feel her intentions, she wanted us to be one, but she wanted to have the reins.

            " _Atish, asha_." His tone was soft and worry was set deep in his eyes. I was becoming but a specter in my own body. " _Tel'tua ash'nu._ "

            I was now convinced that this woman, the flame, did not originate in this body. She was hitching a ride with me. Somehow when I came through the relay she latched onto me. Their conversation was strange, and Solas could no longer deny what was happening to me. There was no playing games anymore.

            Gypsy appeared out of nowhere and sunk her teeth into my arm. Her teeth were like needles but it gave me the advantage I needed. The woman recoiled in shock, withdrawing back into my body, moving from the driver position to where ever she stayed inside of me.

            When I regained control every muscle was coiled, ready for battle. My fist came up, the one Gypsy was _not_ attached too, and I swung it at his face. The look on his face when my fist connected to his flesh was worth the pain I was currently in. He stumbled backward, away from me.

            "You son of a bitch!" I screamed as I flailed right out of the chair. Gypsy let go and dashed backward, yipping like a mad child. "What the fuck was that?" My body struggled to come to grips with moving again. The entity inside of me was beyond pissed but she wasn't able to take over again.

            I felt her intentions, she wanted to control me, _badly_. She lacked the strength to do so, and she did _not_ appreciate Solas' reaction to her struggle.

            The world was veiled by my hair, the tips of my fingers dug into the wooden floor. They were like claws as I drug myself away from Solas. Terror gripped me, I almost lost myself to the void.

            Gentle hands, warm and inviting, wrapped around my shoulders. I was shaking, ragged breaths slammed in and out of me in rapid succession. Tears tracked down my face and I had no recollection of them arriving.

            "What was that?" I sobbed as Solas turned me. My hands weakly pushed him away. Gypsy growled at both of us. Deep down I knew that I needed to comfort and assure her that everything was fine, but how did I do that when I wasn't even convinced that everything was fine.

            Solas held me to his chest as I cried, his arms wrapped tightly around me. My hands clenched his shirt and my tears soaked the cloth under my face. I was not a pretty crier.

            " _Ir abelas_." Solas whispered, "I did not think she would be able to do that."

            Everything inside of me froze. It felt like my heart stopped beating. I wanted to push him away but it felt like he was the only thing holding me _here_.

            He rocked us back and forth, "It will be alright Luna." His hand cupped my head to his chest and he continued to whisper lyrical words, his thumb rubbed back and forth as if I was a child he could sooth with nothing more than his touch.

            The words he spoke sounded like a vow and the flame inside me felt like she was betrayed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All Elvhen is taken from Fenxshiral and the lovely lexicon they have written. 
> 
> Ar te'elan ver ash- I cannot take her  
> Atish, asha- Peace, woman  
> Tel'tua ash'nu- Do not cause her pain


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I scratched the side of my head, "Are you asking that I continue my services with you past the end of the Inquisition or not?"
> 
> She chuckled, "Yes, Luna, I am asking if you will stay in my employment."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luna... is one of a kind and she is violent. We'll just say that for now. 
> 
> Thank you for the kudos/comments! They make me smile and laugh outrageously!

My waking was not peaceful, arms flailed against tangled furs that wrapped tightly around my limbs. My struggle almost caused me to fall out of the bed. Solas somehow sent me to sleep that was deep and healing. There were no dreams and it felt like the other nights. There was so much more to Solas than I originally anticipated. He was the one keeping my dreams tranquil, not some benevolent spirit on the other side.

            Solas was not in the room with me when I woke, nor was I in my cabin. This was his, right down to the food still on the table. It smelled of pine and dirt after rain, of vellum from old books. My stomach protested the lack of food but there was not a snowballs chance in hell that I was eating the food I brought earlier, not after Solas had access to it without me aware of what he was doing. My eyes quickly scanned the room looking for anything that might hint at where he was.

            They locked onto Gypsy who was still sleeping on the floor, a bowl next to her snout. There was a small puddle of blood inside of it and I could only assume that he'd fed her for me. Something pinged inside of me but I refused to acknowledge the feeling.

            Righting myself I quickly moved toward the door, scooping up Gypsy as I went. When I opened the cabin door the first thing I noticed was that it was dark and I was absolutely starving and I was _still_ covered in mud. Not to mention the date I had with Leliana this evening to show her my abilities.

            Priorities first. Flissa was not going to let me into her tavern still covered in mud. So bath first. Spinning I half jogged with a sleeping pup in my arms. When I reached my little home I threw open the door and promptly locked it behind me.

            A conversation was not going to be enough with Solas. Not right now. I wanted to fight him, daggers and all. I wanted his blood on the floor. He made me think I was crazy so he wouldn't have to discuss whatever was happening with me, or he wanted to force me to admit something was inside of me when he _knew_ —he was a fucking mage for crying out loud—the implication of what that meant.

            I was possessed by some angry spirit of his dead lover. That was the only conclusion I could come to. And it wasn't a Fade spirit, no it was a soul. Once she was a living breathing person and holy hell was I so far beyond pissed. I was livid. She actually took over while I was awake!

            Nope, I was going to have to fight him. So it was best to avoid him.

            A knock sounded at the door. One of Gypsy's ears twitched and I quickly clamped a hand over her head. How much would I have to muffle the noise to stop her from waking up?

            "Luna?"

            Mother heifer it was him. Gypsy growled slightly. She really hated him because she was still asleep.

            One thing was for sure, I was not answering the door. And it was totally because I didn't want to bust open his pretty face and not because I was utterly terrified. Yup, I was not afraid.

            So I stood there, Gypsy clutched to me like a life line. She was definitely bigger than the last time I held her. Her legs were longer and her snout was more defined. Her eyes—when they were actually open—weren't cloudy but a clear crisp emerald green. I focused on how she was growing and not on the scary elf man that triggered someone hostile to take over my body that was currently lurking outside my door.

            There was another polite knock. I held my breath for fifteen seconds and listened for the sound of his retreating steps. The handle giggled and I thought my eyes were going to bulge out of their sockets. He was _actually_ trying to get into my home! He didn't even know if I was here!

            It was a solid minute of me standing stock still before he left. I released my breath as quietly as I could and waited another five minutes before I felt comfortable moving around.

            The tub sat in the corner. There was still water from earlier in the pot and when I dipped my hand into it the liquid was lukewarm. It was going to have to do. Gypsy went onto the pillow and I grabbed a cup and the basin to the pitcher and basin set. I dumped water over my head and quickly scrubbed up. It wasn't as luxurious as a bath but I didn't have time for that.

            I needed to speak with someone. Anyone.

            Dorian. I needed to speak with Dorian. He was the least likely to run around shouting that I was possessed. The only one I could possibly reason with and potentially look into removing this second soul from my body. I wanted her _gone_ yesterday. There was not going to be any more of this taking over Luna bullshit. No, I was going to get my body back the way I liked it. Just _me_.

            I threw on a loose pair of breeches and a tight shirt. The scout cloak went over it and after I threw up the hood to cover my hair I picked up the pup and was out the door again.

            Flissa took pity on me. She set before me a flagon of ale along with my normal Chasind Sack Mead. Following quickly after was a succulent variety of meats and veggies to pick from. When she saw the look on my face she patted my arm and returned with another plate that held chocolate cake.

            "Oh my god." I moaned around my first bite of it. The cake was moist and fluffy and there was this raspberry filling between the layers. This woman was stealing my heart. Flissa chuckled and sat down across from me. It was late enough that most of the soldiers were headed for their beds and the locals of Haven were already asleep, getting ready for the morning. "You, woman, are a walking miracle. Where on Thedas did you get this kind of cake?"

            She winked at me, "My secrets are my own Miss Luna." Concern started to edge in on her features. "You looked like you saw a ghost when you walked in, is everything alright?"

            There was a chunk of cake in my mouth so I held up a hand while I savored the taste. When I could breathe properly I gave a one word answer: "Nightmares."

            Her nose wrinkled in sympathy, "Well if cake is your cure to nightmares, I'll have you fixed in no time."

            "I will not argue with that deal." Gypsy was starting to wake up. Her little feet were twitching and I wondered if she dreamed too. "Thank you so much for the food." My gaze swept over her, "I'm sorry to be a burden so late at night." She was dressed for bed.

            "Oh Maker no," she waved a hand. "From what the men tell me you are a kind woman with a good heart."

            Gypsy whined and started sniffing around. "Oh… uh I better go before she finds a place to use the bathroom." The little fluff ball went into my arms and I dropped several gold coins in the palm of Flissa's hand. "Thank you again."

            She covered a yawn and hummed in my direction as I headed for the door. Once outside I put Gypsy down on the ground. She sniffed around for several moments before she found the perfect spot. Finished and happy again she yipped and bounced around me. I laughed quietly as I started toward Dorian's home. He was probably asleep but I was good company and I still had my mead.

            I polite knocked first. When I heard a sleepy mumble and nothing else I cop knocked. Someone next door opened their door and glared at me. I smiled and waved before absolutely pounding on Dorian's door with everything I had.

            "Open up!" I hissed through the cracks. "I know you're awake and I'm not leaving!"

            "Has anyone ever told you that you have horrid manners?" He grumped at me when the door opened. I didn't even respond, just slipped past him and into his house. "It's freezing out there."

            I dropped my hood and Gypsy quickly busied herself sniffing everything in sight.

            "To what displeasure do I owe your visit at this ungodly hour?" He covered a yawn with his hand. I flicked my gaze over him. He was an impeccable dresser, his pajamas—for lack of a better word—were of the highest quality and I found myself slightly jealous despite the fact that I didn't sleep in anything other than a threadbare shirt.

            "I need your help." I crossed to the door and flicked the lock until I heard a clicking noise. My ear was pressed up against the door and I listened intently.

            Dorian touched my shoulder and I jumped. "Luna?" Concern was laden in his tone. Unlike Flissa, Dorian might actually be able to help me. "Has something happened?"

            "I don't have a lot of time," I mumbled as I shuffled around his cabin. The desire was there to tell him but to _actually_ tell him was a different matter entirely. "First…" I took a deep breath and looked at him.

            "You're scaring me." He stated briskly as he wandered over to the hearth. With a snap of his fingers there was a merry fire crackling in his fireplace. "Do you know how to make tea?" Dorian sniffed and looked down at the pot, "Do the leave go in the cups or in the pot itself."

            I grunted and strode over to him. Quickly I pulled down two cups and dropped a palm full of leaves into the pot. "Doesn't matter really, single cup the leaves go into the cup. If multiple best to put it in the tea pot."

            "Please, continue to leave me in suspense I live for it." Sarcasm dripped with every word.

            "Its difficult to explain alright?" I hedged, "And… I'm asking you to trust me." His gaze was intense as I stared at him.

            "You're serious aren't you?"

            "Yes." He sighed and sat down, his hand waving in the air. Taking that as my cue I began to speak. "I'm possessed." Not the best way to start the conversation because Dorian rocketed out of his chair and the beginnings of a spell were on the tips of his fingers. "Not like that!" I threw up a barrier preemptively. "It's a soul, not a spirit! And I'm in charge!"

            "Bless you woman but you know how to frighten a man." Dorian settled down though he still looked unnerved. "Souls do not linger on this side of the veil despite what elves may believe. Possession does not work like that."

            "I know." I stated bluntly, "Alright, I know. I've seen abomination and fought against them. But what I am telling you is the truth. Don't you guys have a… detect life spell or something? Can't you sense the aura of others?"

            He cocked an eyebrow at me and laughed, "It doesn't work that way my dear." Dorian shook his head, "We can detect the aura of other mages, not everyone puts off one strong enough to detect."

            "Alright well detect away! Solas said that I had magic but I clearly don't but he also said that he could see my aura."

            Dorian gripped the bridge of his nose between two fingers. "If it will get you out of my cabin so I may get my beauty rest then fine." When he looked back up at me there was that same silver glow around his irises that I saw in the vision. My breath hitched but I refused to move. "How odd…." He stood and started toward me. When he circled around behind me I had to force myself to stay put. "You have an aura but… there is something else."

            "That's what I'm saying! It's her!"

            "You believe you are possessed by another female?" Dorian asked as he moved to stand in front of me. I opened my mouth but he held up a hand, "I'm getting ahead of myself love, first let's start with _what_ makes you believe you are possessed?"

            "She took over."

            "And you were able to regain control?" Dorian looked fascinated, "How?"

            "Gypsy bit me when she was in charge." My fingers busied themselves in my hair, "It was strange though, as if she could sense the change in me. She hasn't bitten me since she thought I was a threat."

            "That pup adores you," Dorian commented. "I don't believe for a second that she bit you."

            I held up my arm as proof and pointed. "Well she did."

            "There isn't anything there." Dorian stated. I turned my attention to my arm and fuck me but he was right.

            "Solas must have healed it."

            "The hobo knows you're possessed?" Dorian looked even more concerned now.

            "Yes!" I snapped, "Wait… I didn't tell you that part." Quickly I delved into what happened in the fade and the confrontation that followed when I returned to Haven, it was followed up by what happened tonight.

            "Well aren't you a walking mystery."

            "I would rather be a walking time bomb than be a mystery."

            "You're that as well." His fingers gripped my chin and tilted my face up to his. "Have you experienced anything else unusual?"

            "I can feel her, kind of. It's like… a magnet or a flame. Her emotions are strong but she can only control me for short periods of time."

            "Have you attempted to speak with her?" He sounded delighted, like I was some sort of experiment.

            "Not particularly." I groaned and threw my head back, "I'm not interested in making nice, I just want her gone, as in not inside me anymore."

            "I'm not sure if that is possible." He circled me again, "Normally when someone is possessed we go into the fade and deal with the spirit there. You are saying she is not a spirit? Are you certain?"

            "Unless a spirit can develop feeling and force memories on others then no it is not a spirit."

            "Feelings?" His voice was extremely high, "You did not divulge that little tidbit earlier, do share with me."

            I sighed, "She is… in love with…." I groaned and rolled my head back and forth.

            "No!" Dorian gasped, "Has it affected you?"

            "Possibly." I gritted out.

            "Oh this is delicious."

            "Look," I pulled my arms in and moved my hands up and down, "I didn't come here to gossip. Can you help me get rid of this spirit/soul hitchhiker or not?"

            "Not at the moment." He grew quite, his head bobbing back and forth for a moment, "I will need to do research. If I can develop time magic I can certainly get rid of a pesky soul that doesn't belong."

            I pulled his face down and planted a kiss on his lips. He gave a muffled squeak like noise and when I released him he looked utterly shocked, "Sorry, I just had to. That is the best news I've heard since I got here."

            "Well, don't let it become a habit, hmm?" He ushered me toward the door, "Now shoo! Sleep calls my name."

            "When will you-"

            "I will let you know when I have sufficient data to assist now good night Luna."

            "You are marvelous."

            "I know love." He closed the door. There was the sound of yipping and scratching on the other side of the door. It opened slightly and Gypsy squiggled through. It shut again and she whipped around to bark at it.

            "Hush," I picked her up and pressed kisses to her nose. "He's going to help us." Gypsy whined and licked my nose. "I know little one, but it's going to be okay."

            I cast a fugitive glance around before flipping up my hood and rushing toward my meeting with Leliana. Hopefully I wasn't late.

 

Leliana was less than thrilled with me at the moment. The demonstration went off without a hitch, there was no one watching from the shadows and it hadn't even taken an hour to answer her questions about what I could and could not do.

            No, I could not use pull gently to levitate someone and then use throw to get them over walls. I explained about biotic combinations and how they interfered with each other. If I did that then the person under the influence of pull would be jetted into next week.

            Yes, I could stop a volley of arrows or any other projectiles. Yes I could probably break through a brick wall if I really wanted too. After all I could rip through metal, brick was just compressed rock and not as strong as bulk heads. There were no such thing as brick space ships. Though that would be funny.

            No I was not going to go around terrorizing the people of Thedas once the Inquisition had done its job.

            "What will you do after you are finished here?" Leliana asked.

            "It depends on what the current events are." I shrugged, "If things are peaceful and I'm not needed it's most likely that I'll open a restaurant or a bakery. Or I might travel up to Rivain, they have no quarrel with Elves. I could blend there." These questions forced me to think about my future. How long was I going to stay?

            I committed myself to the Inquisition but how much could I actually _do_ if their ace in the hole didn't trust me? The answer was not much. Ellana would be looking over her shoulder at me during fights, putting herself at risk. Meaning I was a risk, not just to her but to the world.

            Selfish I may be but I could walk away when things were put in jeopardy by me. This would be a first but… I didn't need to be here. We had secured the mages help, the Breach was going to be closed any day now. They could handle things without me. I wasn't necessary for their success.

            Ellana was, and Ellana no longer trusted me. I couldn't help her anymore, couldn't be there for her the way I used to be. She would be secretive, trying to do things differently when I was around, I knew the signs. Ellana was utterly upset with me and I didn't see her getting over it overnight.

            "And if you were asked to remain?"

            "Am I being asked to remain?"

            "Your… abilities are unique as well as your situation. The knowledge you contain could help the future Divine."

            I scratched the side of my head, "Are you asking that I continue my services with you past the end of the Inquisition or not?"

            She chuckled, "Yes, Luna, I am asking if you will stay in my employment."

            "I will work with you, _after_ the Inquisition has disbanded." My tone was even and quiet. "I can't stay here, not anymore." I shook my head, "Once you are free of the Inquisition I will return, until then…" I trailed off. It was bitter without the sweet. I actually enjoyed my time in the Inquisition but it was for the best if I moved on. "I will stay as long as the Breach is open, once it is closed…" there was no point in finishing, Leliana knew what I was implying.

            Maybe I would really go to Rivain, the sun was nice up there and they were right on the coast. I always loved the ocean, liked to watch it as I flew from planet to planet. I could travel anywhere I wanted.

            This meant I needed to have a talk with the Iron Bull. Which was likely to blow up in my face seeing as how he was a sneaky Ben-Hassrath asshole. That was the problem though. He was part of the Qun and I would not have my secrets spilled once I was away from the protection of the Inquisition.

            "Will you walk with me?" She turned and started away. Her tone was different than moments before and I wondered what was on her mind. Quietly I followed in her footsteps until we stood shoulder to shoulder. I remained quiet knowing that she would broach whatever topic she wanted to discuss on her own without me pressuring her.

            The gates of Haven came into view before she spoke. "I was here before, with Cousland." My ears flicked at the mention of the Warden. She didn't seem like the kind to randomly reminisce. She seemed so different from the Leliana that I knew. Harder, tougher. I wondered what happened between the end of Origins and the Champion's tale that changed her so much. "Together we discovered the Ashes of Andraste. It was as if the Maker smiled upon us that day. A pinch of her ashes saved Arl Eamon. She blessed us that day, gave us what we needed to fight the Blight." She grew quiet and I was uncertain of what to say. I knew all of this, she _knew_ I knew all of this so why…?

            "And now it is gone." Her tone was chilly, "Blasted away by a mad man desperate for more. This… Elder One the Herald spoke of. It is terrible to believe that any of that could have come to pass if something should happen to Ellana." She gave me a meaningful look.

            "She doesn't want anything to do with me." I retorted, adding a little snort on the end. "Believe me I tried to mend that bridge. I was polite—I know shocking—and I tried to tell her what I was but with everyone around, Bull mainly, it seemed unwise. She… I don't know took it as an act of betrayal."

            "Did she tell you of your future without her?"

            "How could she when she won't even look at me without disgust in her eyes." I rolled my own eyes though I was careful to hide it.

            "You were corrupted." Leliana stated. "From what Ellana told us the Elder One discovered your gifts and wanted them for his own. You were forced to eat red lyrium until you were but a shadow of yourself. Solas recounted it all and Ellana was—in her own words—heartbroken. And then she witnessed you with her own eyes. Your eyes were no longer the lovely shade of blue but the color of blood, skin was cracked in places and the lyrium was visible underneath, as if it was a protective layer under your flesh." I shuddered at Leliana's words, "Ellana witnessed your power for herself. She and Dorian knew before anyone. You nearly killed them. That… singularity was it? They were caught in it. The only reason they managed to escape you was Solas." She took a breath, "The Herald said it was one of the most terrifying moments of her life, that you weren't human. She spoke of a madness in your gaze that chilled her to her very core."

            "It wasn't me though." I defended.

            "I know that, but she saw it, with her own eyes. She lived it Luna." Leliana turned toward the Breach, "What would you make of a friend trying, and almost succeeding, in killing you? It would not be favored kindly."

            I thought over her words, "Why are you telling me this?"

            "Because I want you to watch her, despite her feelings toward you." Leliana's eyes met my own, "Because you are the only one I trust, besides Cassandra, to put her life above your own. She may not trust you, but I do. Perhaps, in time, Ellana will come around. You would be surprised what time can do to a young eager mind."

            And now I wasn't so sure she was talking about Ellana. Dragon Age Origins took place over ten years ago. A decade is a long time. Leliana had definitely changed from the young bard that took shelter in a Chantry and found religion.

            "I'm sorry." I whispered as I gazed at her fiery locks.

            She had turned away from me during her speech but she once more faced me. "For what?"

            "The world is cruel Leliana, something that we all learn with time." I ducked my head as her gaze hardened. "I don't know what happened to you, past major events my knowledge of Thedas is lacking, but you are not the same woman who traveled with the Warden. I only hope the change in you is for the better."

            "What do you know of who I am?" She snapped before she schooled her face, "It is unimportant, there are other things that call our attention."

            "Our?"

            "Yes," she took a deep breath. "The mages will arrive in a few days' time, they were not far behind your party." A frown pulled the corners of her mouth down, "Cullen is worried the influx of mages will be dangerous and is calling for more Templars in an attempt to control what might happen. And as long as the Breach is open you are mine."

            "The mages were fine on their own for how long?" I sighed not willing to comment on her last statement, "Extra Templars is going to be like throwing water on a grease fire. What do you want me to do?"

            "Ride out and meet them." We were almost to the steps that lead into the village proper, "Yours is not a familiar face to them, but you will wear the colors of the Inquisition. See that they arrive safely. The men will be put at ease if they arrive with you."

            "Leliana you put too much faith in me."

            She laughed and it sounded like tiny bells ringing, "You do not yet see what I see."

            A whinny from the side caught my attention. "Bread misses me." I commented, "Is there anything else you need?"

            I was loathed to go back into that town right now. Who knows where that hobo was wandering.

            "Leave at dawn, they should be no more than a day's ride from here." She smiled, "At least for you and that magnificent steed of yours." Her gray eyes swept to the side as she walked up the steps.

            "Leliana!" I called after a moment, "Do we have any additional information on Solas?"

            "No," she shook her head. "For the moment we will continue to watch but he has proven valuable in his own way. I see no reason to distrust him until he proves otherwise."

            Fuck me. He was tricking everyone, even myself. I'd been on this Solas is not on our side kick for months and we hadn't turned over any rock or leaf that pointed to anything suspicious about him. Despite the soul inside of me there was nothing that lead me to believe that he was… bad.

            The soul was probably a deranged ex that refused to move on. I'd met her type before. Clingy, unwilling to let go. Stranger things have happened on Earth. It was probable that when I came through the Relay and ended up here she saw an opportunity, a body changing and seeming without a soul that originated from this plane of existence. There were too many possibilities for me to narrow it down.

            Basically it was a fluke. One that didn't awaken until she saw Solas. I was just unlucky like that. Always had been, always will be.

            "Okay." She quirked an eyebrow at my word. "What?"

            "You have been against him since the beginning." She commented.

            "And we have no leads, if we get one I'll be right back there but until then I'll watch and get to know him." The flame was going wild and I wanted to vomit. Hopefully it wouldn't be a problem soon. I'd need to talk to Dorian again, but it could wait until the morning.

            Leliana nodded before she disappeared into the village. I turned in a different direction, Gypsy on my heels. Bread whinnied again and I picked up the pace. His head was stretched beyond his stall and he was watching me with one large eye.

            "You need some exercise." I whispered as I pressed my face against his velvet fur. "Come." I opened the latch on his stall. Gypsy—knowing better from her earlier clash with Bread—hopped to the side. Taking pity on my little pup I pulled off my cloak and laid it on the ground for her in a bundled up ball. Eagerly she sat on it before stretching out and watching us with lazy eyes.

            Their clash had been Gypsy thinking she was ten times her size and Bread not taking any of her shit. One tiny bat of his hoof and she flew five feet. Since then she had been unwilling to approach him from the ground.

            Bread followed me, his head over my shoulder as he nosed the spot where my pocket was on my armor.

            "Sorry sweet boy," I patted the side of his face, "there are no treats right now. In the morning, I promise." I led him into the round pin and pushed him up against the fence. After climbing to the top I clambered on to my big lug of a horse. Once I was seated bareback he started to move.

            I gripped tightly with my legs, fingers tangling in his mane. As his pace quickened I was forced to stand farther and farther up, his gait stretching out until it was smooth as butter. Confident in my abilities I started to rise, slowly I worked my way up until I had one foot planted sideways across his haunches and one straight down his wide back. I leaned with him, my body slowly becoming accustomed to his movement.

            Once we moved together I relaxed, allowing myself to move as he moved, to feel the rhythm of his hoof beats. To bring ourselves in line with each other as only a horse and a rider could. There was a bond between horse and rider that didn't exist elsewhere. The horse had to have implicit trust for this to work, and Bread and I had been through some shit together and we always came out on top.

            My fingers itched for my bow. Perhaps I would set up targets in the woods to get better at shooting from horseback. Something that I was desperately lacking now. To get used to the movement I brought up my arms and sighted down an invisible arrow. The world rushed by, the same circle over and over again. The same trees, the same smithy, the same walls, the same elf.

            Wait… what?

            I slammed back into myself. Gypsy was going mad and I twisted to look at her, to ensure her safety. It was out of sync with Bread. I fell, arms throw in front of me to break my fall. I knew how to fall, during battle during mock battles. But I didn't know how to fall from a horse that I was bloody _standing_ on.

            The ground rushed up to meet me, instinctively my hands shot out and took the brunt of the fall. Bread whickered and quickly turned to ensure my safety. Battle stallion indeed. He stood next to me, head held high and his paw digging little rivulets in the mud.

            Pain ran from the palms of my hands to my elbows and up into my shoulders. My hip hurt. I fell onto my side instead of my stomach. Too many delicate organs that could possibly be bruised. At least this way it would just be the bone bruised and my ego.

            Solas rushed forward. "Are you alright, _vhenan_?"

            I moaned in a different kind of pain. The flame, the one I thought was going wild earlier tonight, absolutely lost her shit. I felt her clawing for control and I fought with everything I had to remain me. I wouldn't lose control, I wouldn't be that girl again. I wasn't Emily anymore, I was Luna, I was Nitana. I was anyone other than Emily. Emily was a sniveling woman who died to get out of a relationship that went from bad to worse.

            This woman was not going to rule me the way that bastard ruled Emily.

            "Get away from me!" I screamed as I shoved her down and Solas away. Bread screamed in anger and charged Solas. My vision flashed white for a moment and when I came too Gypsy was on top of my chest and Bread was standing directly over me. Solas crouched low on the other side of the fence, a silvery hue taking over a portion of his eyes.

            " _Ir abelas_ ," he whispered when he saw I was looking at him. "This has never happened before."

            "Liar." I snarled as I stood, Gypsy now tucked under one arm. He shook his head at me as he stood. "Who is she?"

            "A remnant of a lost time." There was a great sorrow in his eyes. "She is a piece of a soul I thought long extinguished. I am sorry this is your burden to bear."

            "Fuck you." I snapped as I led Bread out of the round pin. I kept the horse between me and Solas, though I kept a firm grip on Bread's mane. I didn't want him trampling Solas simply because of some crazed woman inside of me. She was subdued for the moment, most likely licking her wounds in the corner of my mind. We were going to have a discussion, even if it was a one sided rant about her behavior.

            It was not okay in the slightest that she was attempting to take over, _again_.

            I couldn't keep my mouth shut. "What right do you and your stupid lover have to take over my body, huh?" I growled as I moved around Bread's stall. On impulse I opened the gate and pushed Gypsy inside, quickly shutting it again before she could escape. I was pretty sure I was about to mess something up here and I didn't need little teeth buried in my flesh again.

            His eyes widened as I approached him.

            "I am so sick of your holier than thou attitude." I snarled, "Grateful for your kindness and the healing but you lied to me fucker. You made me feel like I'd gone insane, like I hallucinated the whole dream thing and that I imagined some crazy whore taking over my body. What the actual fuck-" I was poking him in the chest now, he stood resolute against my tirade, "-do you think you are doing? What did you two say to each other in your stupid elf language?"

            "We exchanged pleasantries, no more."

            "My fucking gorgeous ass you did." I shoved him and his face remained passive. Did he _want_ me to hurt him? "Why aren't you fighting back?!" I shoved him again, "Hit me!" I screamed, "Give me a reason to let go!" I shoved him again, "Hit me!"

            Magic slammed into me, knocking me back several feet. " _Ma nuvenin_." His tone was tense as if he had no desire to do this but was only doing so to appease me. The look on his face spoke volumes, he'd rather be reading or eating mud than slinging magic at me.

            "Don't hold back." I hissed as I rushed him, my biotics firmly in check.


	17. Broken Words in the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But Leliana?
> 
> I was positive that woman never saw me naked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of like a double update because it is the size of two chapters but I REFUSE to cut it in half. I like things wrapped up in a bow and this chapter ends nicely.
> 
> OH! And there might be some triggers for rape/abuse during the dream sequence, if you wish to skip it feel free I will leave a little explanation of what happened in the bottom notes. The dream sequence is all italics so that's your signal to jump past it.

Blood dripped down my brow and I swiped an arm across my eye. It slowly dripped down until it stung in my eyes. I closed it, I wouldn't be able to see shit out of it anyway. It felt like I blew a pupil on his last strike. It'd probably be a good idea to visit Dorian again to check for a concussion. Maybe Solas should go too.

            He didn't look much better than I did. His normally clean shaven skull sported a faint dusting of dark brown hair. I wanted to run my hand across it and feel the slight prickle that I knew would be there. One earring was in his right ear, another was torn, blood dripping down onto his green shirt.

            Looks like I owned him an earring as well as a pair of pants. Another ice lance flew in my direction. I ducked and spun away from it, using the slick ground to my advantage. I was covered in mud, for the third fucking time today, but this time I loved every minute of it.

            Solas, true to my demand, held nothing back. This wasn't a gentle sparring match like we had at the beginning. I wasn't pulling my punches and neither was he. We were playing for blood and he was my huckleberry.

            His face no longer held the passive mask. He lost it after I hit his ribs for the third time in the same place. Now he wore a scowl and was moving just a little faster than before. It was more difficult to get in close but I was determined.

            There was a bruise along the left side of his jaw where my elbow caught his face.

            I moved swiftly, weaving between his magic. He had no staff and therefore no way to amplify his magic with ease; it didn't diminish his abilities though. It seemed only to intensify it, as if he was accustomed to fighting in this manner rather than with a piece of wood in his hands.

            My movements were erratic; there was no set path in front of me. The two of us moved together as if the dance was choreographed specifically for us. Our fighting style shifted from one to the next as quickly as one could blink. I pushed myself to go faster to match his movement, to best him. I knew I could, nothing was going to stop me.

            I was free and he was going to walk away from this fight looking worse than I.

            Somehow he managed to get behind me, I blinked to rid myself of the slowly dripping blood and he was just there. His arms wrapped around my body and he lifted me off the ground.

            "That is enough Luna." His tone was harsh, "You are acting like a spurned child."

            "Fucking good!" My head snapped back and I felt cartilage move under the force of my head butt. He swore and dropped me, twisting I kicked his legs out from under him and pounced. There was no slinking low over him and propositions this time. My fist reeled back and I brought it down on his face. He was going to have a magnificent black eye and he would be lucky if I didn't sign my name underneath for the entire world to see.

            Anger flashed in his eyes, his hands tangling in my own as he flipped us. Both of my wrists fit in one of his hands. His other quickly worked to secure my legs between his. I was caught, utterly but the bruise on his cheek was already forming.

            "That is enough." He reiterated. "Calm," his tone lost the harshness.

            "I am calm!" I screeched at him, completely anything _but_ calm but how dare he tell me to calm down.

            "Your definition and my definition of calm are two entirely different entities."

            It shocked a laugh out of me. Of course he'd go there. He looked like some sort of linguistics professor. He would fit right in at one of the Ivy League schools. The girls would fall all over him and his smooth words. Too bad he was a recluse with secrets, like _who_ the fuck the spirit was. All I got was 'old spirit' and 'should have happened'. I didn't get a name, or anything else like that.

            If it shouldn't have happened, _why_ did it happen? And could he fix me? Did I trust him enough to fix me…? No, probably not but anything to get his raging ex psycho out of my body.

            Solas ran the thumb of his free hand gently over my brow, sealing the wound. I didn't even know if it was magic or his fist that caused it but I felt sated in all ways but one. I still didn't have my answers.

            "What do you want from me?" I asked, tone tired. I just wanted to go home, strip, dump the now cold water over my head and fall into a deep sleep. But that wasn't in the cards. I had to ride off to fetch the mages because I was Leliana's trusted errand girl.

            "'Want' is too mild of a term." His voice was deep, dark and luscious. It was like dark chocolate, sinful and addictive. I wanted more, wanted to hear him speak that way for eternity. It wasn't healthy but I wanted it anyway.

            His words lit my stomach on fire; it slowly traveled down to the spot between my legs. Storm gray eyes fixed on my lips. My tongue darted out to wet my lower lip in response. It wasn't voluntary, I assure you. It was carnal, a basic reaction. Animal instinct.

            He gave me time to say no. Gave me time to turn away. I didn't do either. It was like I was a deer in the headlights. I knew what was happening but I was shocked into immobility. Or like a train wreck, you just couldn't look away. But I _didn't_ want to look away, that was the problem.

            Solas was so close I could smell the sweet grass on his breath and a hint of mint. How desperately I wanted, _ached_ to kiss him. How long had I been tempted?

            I thought about it. Since the dungeon, when his hair was visible like now and I was behind bars. That day there had been dark circles under his eyes and he looked like a man pushed to the edge of a cliff, not knowing if he was about to fly or plummet to his death. There was nothing like that on his face now.

            Now there was an emotion deeply etched into the corners of his eyes and in the tilt of his chin. His eyes were slits but I saw a deep longing in what I could see of his eyes.

            "Is it me, or her?" I whispered moments before his lips touched mine. Why? Because I was a fucking psycho who loved denying myself everything that I desired.  

            Yes, okay? I was admitting it. The man was utterly attractive and deep down I knew that we'd be in the sack together but… something happened along the way. I don't know if it was the flame inside of me or the way he treated me that turned the possibility of a one-time fling into the possibility of something more. I didn't want just _one_ night with him, I wanted all the nights. Despite the fact that I didn't trust him.

            Man was I royally fucked up. Healthy relationships were meant to be built on a foundation of trust and friendship and whatever we had definitely didn't fall into that neat little category. What we had was chaotic at the best of times, destructive at the worst. If it did happen nothing but utter ruin was at the finish line. This wasn't built to last, it was built to implode. From the look in his eyes at my question he knew it and I knew it.

            I could see the look changing in his eyes. He wasn't sure what he wanted, torn. It hurt, but I had to know. It would tear me apart if I didn't; the 'what if's'. I could admit that I was a self-indulgent creature. I was selfish, I knew my flaws. Hell I _owned_ them most days and today was no different. When I moved into a different body and took on a new life I changed. Emily vanished overnight and I became Nitana. Emily was a shy soft spoken woman, Nitana was anything but.

            I liked Nitana better. I liked Luna even more.

            Before he could move away from me I lifted my head and closed the distance between us. His lips were soft, and I felt the sharp intake of breath. There was one second of hesitation before he pushed back, his hand cupping the back of my head and holding me in place.

            His hold on my wrists vanished as his tongue delved into my mouth. I groaned in sinful delight as my fingers twisted into his shirt pulling him flush against me.

            Solas did that thing where he moved when I wasn't paying attention. Between one conscious thought and the next my legs went from being pinned between his to wrapped around his waist. His hand found its way onto my bottom and he roughly pulled me up toward him. I rolled my hips and elicited the sweetest of moans from his throat. It was a hum that I felt with my lips and I greedily drank it down.

            He was rock hard between my thighs and very well endowed. One of my arms slipped around his neck, holding him in place. During all of this, the kiss between us never broke. We didn't come up for air lest the spell be broken.

            It didn't matter. The spell didn't break; he shattered it into a million pieces. My hand was again in his grip and he sat up away from me.

            "We can't." His voice sounded tortured, regret etched into his glowing eyes.

            "So it is her." I stated, trying and failing to keep the hurt out of my voice. It seemed that Emily lived in some small way inside of Luna. Emily was a sucker for romance, but all that got her was a knife to the heart because she couldn't figure out another way to leave.

            I unlaced my legs and rolled out from under him, twisting my arm as I went to break his hold. "Well, at least we know." A false cheer was in my voice. I resolutely walked away from him and toward the stall that held my horse and my pup. The flame felt victorious. It didn't matter.

            If I had my way she was never going to see the light of day again.

            Gypsy crawled into my arms and I pressed a kiss to Bread's nose. "Sleep tight buddy."

            Turning I saw that Solas was no longer kneeling in the mud. Well it was probably for the best.

            Slowly and sedately I made my way back to my cabin where I stripped, dumped water over myself and fell asleep with half my body dangling off the bed.

            I really hated Emily. But I hated the thing inside me even more, the victorious feeling jumped into all out hatred of myself. It was a strange feeling… hating myself? That was a new low, but it wasn't me that hated me—boy isn't that an awkward wording—it was _her_.

            _Solas_ , she spoke inside my mind. _Mine_. The words were halting, as if she was unsure of the patterns this language took.

            It froze my blood in place. Before she could speak only Elvhen, now she could speak Common even if it was like a two year old? Fuck me but she was learning. Was she a constant observer? Did she even sleep?

            What happened if… could she take over my body wile I slept?

 

I blinked twice before the ceiling of my cabin came into focus. Gypsy was curled into a little ball at my side and a blanket was thrown over my naked body. Memories of last night rushed to the fore and I couldn't bring myself to regret the decision I made. At least now I knew and I could move on. Rejection was part of life and it honestly was for the best.

            Any relationship I would potentially be in would be destructive because I knew I didn't _want_ a relationship, not long term. Love was for other people, but not me.

            My hands scrubbed the sleep from my eyes and I rolled from the bed. The sound of knocking pulled me from my slumber originally. I cleared my throat, it was parched. Probably from mouth breathing, I did that a lot when I slept on my back. Swallowing several times to try and get saliva flowing I snagged the blanket and wrapped it around me.

            At least everything seemed to be in the same place. If evil She-Bitch did take my body for a joy ride it hadn't been outside. My tits would have frozen off in this weather but the girls were still there so… either I was paranoid or she couldn't take over while sleeping. Neither was a comforting thought.

            I blinked at the bright sunlight that was just starting to creep over the mountain. Dawn, what a horrible time to be awake.

            "Yes?" I croaked as I opened the door. I cleared my throat and tried again, "Yes?" It came out clearer.

            "A package from Sister Leliana." He held out a large item that was wrapped in brown butcher paper and tied shut with twine. His eyes wide as he watched me, "She also sends a reminder that you are to meet-"

            "With the mages, yeah yeah." I covered a yawn, and eyed the scout before me. "How far would I have to twist your arm to get me a cup of coffee?"

            He sputtered, "Ma'am?"

            I closed my eyes and thumped my head against the door. A small burst of pain sprouted behind my left eye. Wonderful, I forgot about my possible concussion. "I know you aren't a servant or anything but would you be sweet enough to get me a cup of coffee? You can say no."

            His eyes were darting around when I looked at him again. Either he was new or he was new.

            "It's alright sweetheart, you don't have to." I gave him a smile and closed the door. Sure it was a long shot but I was a real grump before morning coffee. It used to be coffee _and_ a cigarette. But they didn't taste the same during my stint as a Turian so I kicked the nicotine habit, coffee though, I would be a slave to her for eternity.

            Gypsy was sniffing around when I turned. "Hey!" I called and her little head jerked up at the sound of my sharp tone, "Do that outside missy." I opened the door again and ushered her outside. Potty training was coming along well.

            I tossed the package onto the table and dropped the blanket. My fingers deftly undid the knot and what I found inside was clothes.

            Leliana did say that I would wear the colors of the Inquisition. Charcoal gray and crimson red glared up at me. At least there was a splash of color. When I picked it up I noticed that it was heavy. Upon further inspection I noticed that it was _armor_.

            "How the hell did she get it made so quickly?"

            Everything fit. From the tight form fitting gray pants to the red undershirt and the extremely heavily fortified gray corset. There were even boots that fit my feet. What the actual hell? How did she get all of these measurements? Stefan hand them because I was with him for a year and well those things are quickly picked up when one saw each other naked as often as we did. But Leliana?

            I was positive that woman _never_ saw me naked.

            "Must be the servants?" I guessed. They washed my clothes and leave it to Miss Spymaster to have a scout amongst the servants that worked inside of Haven for the Inquisition. They can pick up a lot of stuff. Most people didn't see servants, the mark of a _good_ servant was to not be seen.

            I attached my daggers, threw on my cloak, the bow and quiver going over everything. When I opened the door Gypsy bounded inside and the messenger from earlier was standing outside looking lost with a cup in his hand.

            "I'm going to kiss you." I stated as I prowled forward. A blush sprang to his cheeks as I laid a chaste kiss against his lips. "Thank you…?"

            "Roland." He sputtered.

            "Well Roland, you are a life saver." I took a drink and let out a satisfied noise. "Next time we're both in the tavern first drink is on me." I winked at him before strolling toward the stables. I didn't take a bag, no need. It was supposed to be a two day trip and every other time I'd gone out Leliana had ensured that all the provisions I needed were already packed in Bread's saddle bags.

            If everything went like last time—the time before I departed with elf asshole—Bread would be waiting for me outside the gates of Haven.

            "Did you and Chuckles really have a kissing fight last night?" I jumped at the sound of Varric's voice. Damned dwarf kept coming at me without making noise which was eerie and I hated it!

            "Who the hell saw that?" I demanded as I stopped to look at him. Another sip of coffee went down my throat.

            "You aren't denying it Ghost." Varric stated. His red shirt opened to reveal his chest hair. Really it was delicious to look at. His eyes squinted as he looked at me, one brow slowly rising up.

            I sighed and shrugged, "I cannot tell a lie."

            "Damn it!" He gave a mirthless laugh, "You are costing me a lot of money."

            "Me?" I challenged, "What on earth did I do?"

            "Tiny is slowly stripping me of all my gold because of you." There was delight in his eyes though. I let out a barking laugh.

            "You seriously bet that I wouldn't make out with Solas?"

            "No," he shook his head, "Tiny bet that you would fight _and_ kiss. My bet was-"

            "I think I get the picture." I dropped my head, "It's a sad day indeed when you lose a bet because I didn't get lucky." I patted his arm fondly, "Next time though, don't bet against The Iron Bull. He is creepily astute in these matters."

            Hell it freaked me out that they both paid enough attention to Solas and I that they saw the sexual tension.

            "Anyway, _that's_ not happening ever again so don't bet on it anymore okay? I need to take your money, not Bull."

            "What's this?" Speak of the devil and he shall appear. "Did I win another bet?"

            "Stop trying to pretend your hearing isn't as good as mine." I snorted as I turned. Lifting the cup I downed the rest of my coffee. It left a scalding trail and I wanted to thank Roland all over again. "It's slightly annoying."

            "As annoying as my small penis?" He challenged.

            "Holy fuck it's better than mine." I winked at him, "Don't worry love, I know you're well endowed." I grinned, "The Chantry Sisters love to talk about you, did you know that?"

            "All ladies love to talk about me."

            "Guess it's a good thing I'm not a lady." I started walking away, but not before I pawned my empty cup off on Bull, "I would hate to ruin your winning streak." I waved at them before I pranced down the steps, Gypsy at my heels the whole way. There was an itch between my shoulder blades.

            I was going to have to have a talk with that Qunari before I left. Didn't need certain tongues wagging about my abilities. I swear if the Qun came after me… Bull was going to regret it.

            Bread whinnied at me as soon as he saw me. I bee lined toward him, excited to be striking out on my own again. Even if it was for a day or two.

            "Who did that to your face?"

            Blackwall came out of nowhere and I jerked to a halt as he stood between me and Bread. "Did what to my face?"

            "Looks like something took a rock to it repetitively." His fingers brushed against my cheek bone and I winced.

            "Oh that," I touched the tender spot. "Solas." Blackwall's eyes went flat.

            "A gentleman should never hit a lady."

            "Agreed." I stated, "But I asked him too."

            A blush crept up his neck and flourished beautifully on his face. "I didn't…" he cleared his throat, "apologies Lady Luna, I didn't…"

            "Didn't…?" I drew out the word utterly lost.

            His blush deepened, "You're going to make me say it, aren't you?"

            "That was the general idea yes."

            "Liked it rough." His face was as bright as a cherry.

            "Oh lord." I slapped a hand to his chest, "I like it all ways Blackwall, but this wasn't sex."

            He coughed, "All ways?" A grin was spreading across his face.

            "All ways." I assured before I stepped past him and started toward Bread again, "Hey!" I spun to look at him, "Let's do cards and drinks at the tavern when I get back, yeah?" It would be a good way to say goodbye to the Inner Circle. Besides, I needed a little fun after everything that had happened in the last day or so. Bull tocky, all of it.

            It was time to kill Emily once and for all. There might be a guy out there for me, but I wasn't looking any time soon and I just wanted to get back to my normal self-indulging self.

            Dennet was standing next to Bread with a large smile on his face. "Miss Luna," he held out a hand and I shook it, clasping his forearm as was their custom. "Thank you for the use of your stallion. I've three mares that are carrying now."

            I slapped a hand against Bread's neck. "Glad to hear that he was up to the task." Bread's head whipped around almost knocking me off my feet. "Really?" I asked as I stumbled back several feet, "You want the damned sugar cube _that_ much?" My hand disappeared into my pocket and I slipped him one to calm him down. "How long until we can expect little Coursers to be running around?"

            "These things are never exact," Dennet was still smiling, "but we can expect them around nine months from now. I shouldn't keep you though," he passed me Bread's reins. The horse tossed his head a little.

            "Let me know when they get here," I commented as I picked up Gypsy and stuffed her—unwillingly—into a modified saddle bag. Something that Blackwall had created for me when he saw the little pup. She didn't like it one bit but it kept her on the horse instead of under him. "I'll be happy to lend a hand in their care." It was a moment before I remembered that I wasn't going to be here to see Bread's children. I didn't say anything, rumors spread fast and them men liked me well enough that it would spread like a wild fire.

            "As you wish Miss Luna."

            I placed my foot into a stirrup, Bread must have sensed my anticipation because he bolted when I stood up and swung a leg over. Gypsy gave a disgruntled yip but I just laughed and found my seat. Giving a whoop of satisfaction as he bolted toward the path that lead down and away from Haven we started our short journey to meeting the mages.

 

The mages kind of sucked. They were to be our allies yet they wanted me to provide them with every creature comfort they were used to having back at their circle. At least, certain ones did. That was a male mage and he was demanding that I provide certain amenities once we reached our destination.

            He was in for a _huge_ surprise.

            And not even thirty minutes after I met up with them about four Templars rode up, the one in charge thought he could give me a tongue wagging.

            "My lady," he chastised, "you were supposed to travel with us, not ahead of us. Commander Cullen was quite specific in these instruction." He sniffed in my direction.

            "Well I don't answer to Cullen now do I?" I retorted, "My instructions were to meet with the mages and escort them back, not round them up like a herd of cattle and drive them home." My tone held a steel edge. I never much cared for Templars in the games. There were several that I liked but as a whole they seemed to be… bristly. Every little fucking thing got their hackles up, and nothing quicker than mages.

            Which is why this whole war was started in the first place. Mages—while dangerous—were human beings being kept like prisoners. And while I agreed that certain measures should be taken to secure not only their safety but everyone else's, the answer to the problem was not to lock them up and throw away the key. Families were torn apart just because one had magic.

            Children whisked away to live in a strange place with stranger faces and someone who was ready to do the 'hard' thing and run them through if they couldn't control their magic, or worse give them a magical lobotomy; forever cutting them off from dreams and hopes and ideas. To do that to a person was inhumane and so no I didn't really care for Templars.

            He opened his mouth and one of the greener ones grinned and nudged the man on his left, pointing toward us with his chin. Weird.

            "Be that as it may, Commander Cullen is in charge of the Inquisitions forces. The mages are to be absorbed into its army, therefore they are under our care. We should have been here when you arrived." His tone was snotty and I didn't really care for it. "Your mere presence arriving before us has undermined our authority."

            "Your 'authority' be damned." I pulled Bread around and stood between the mages and the Templars. "The Herald has decided that they are to be our allies, promises were made by the one blessed by Andraste herself," you have no idea how hard it was to keep a straight face while I delivered that line. "If you undermine _her_ authority I will be forced to undermine your legs all the way to the ground."

            No it didn't make sense but I said it. Ellana needed the people to follow her, not question every little thing she did.

            His mouth flopped open and closed several times before it snapped shut with an audible click. There was no better way, apparently, to shut a Templar up than with his own religion.

            "We both on the same page now, pumpkin?" I grinned at him and cast a glance over my shoulder. Roughly twenty mages were behind me, some young enough that they had yet to see their tenth birthday, others looked to be well into their sixties. "Now, mister poppycock, stay here while I figure out how long its going to be before we can get back to Haven."

            An elven woman stepped forward, her eyes wild and cunning. They were mesmerizing and it pulled focus from her age making it difficult to pin point exactly when she was born.

            "I remember you." Her voice was confident and quiet, though it carried the lilt of an Orlesian accent. "Luna."

            "Forgive me," I inclined my head, doing my best to not stomp all over the first contact the mages had with an official representative of the Inquisition, "you have me at a disadvantage."

            "Fiona." She smiled.

            Leliana said nothing of who the leader was but from the way she carried herself and the others watched and deferred to her, she was definitely in charge.

            "A pleasure Fiona," I swung from my saddle. "Your group made good time, considering that none of you have horses." She stood about three inches taller than me.

            Her smile widened, "You know very little of our powers then, little one." She waved behind her, "Fade step." As if those two words explained it all.

            "Ah…" I nodded like I knew what she said. She chuckled at me.

            "An ability that allows us to move quickly over short distances," she sighed, "though we are running short on supplies and one of our young ones is no longer able to keep up." She turned and singled out a child. "Amara, come."

            A young human child with dark skin and graceful looping curls stepped forward. Her eyes were down cast and she quickly stood behind Fiona.

            "That is… unfortunate." I hedged, uncertain where she was leading this conversation. "If you are running short on supplies there is an Inquisition camp about two hours ride from here. We can restock there."

            "You misunderstand Luna." Fiona's smile was starting to slip, "Amara is unable to continue and those that are able are assisting the Tranquil. A mage can only travel so far with so many people, and it is taxing to those that are capable."

            A niggling feeling was slamming into the back of my head. I was starting to understand.

            "We cannot leave her behind." Fiona's eyes hardened as she looked past me toward the four Templars, "And I will not ask one of them to carry her to Haven."

            And there it was.

            "Uh…" I scratched the back of my neck, "I'm not really good with… kids." I finished lamely.

            "There is no need to be frightened." Fiona insisted, "Amara is quite skilled, despite her young appearance. She will not harm you."

            "I'm not afraid of her hurting me." Amara peeked out from behind Fiona's robes, "I'm more afraid of me hurting her. Look, I was bluntly honest when I said that I don't do well with anyone under the age of nineteen."

"You will be a good girl," Fiona's attention turned to Amara, "won't you little one?"

            "Yes Grand Enchanter." Her voice was like a tiny bell, it rang with a clarity that very few held and…

            Damn it.

            I sighed, rocking my head on my shoulders. "Alright," I nodded, "the kid can ride with me."

            She was going to fall, I just knew it. Or I would say something stupid, like drop the 'f' word or say something inappropriate. At the end the kid would swear like a sailor and she'd shave half of her head.

            I was hoping it was just the hair.

            "Thank you, Luna." Fiona inclined her head, "You do not know the service you have done for me today."

            I nodded, "By your estimates how long should it take to reach Haven if we restock at the Inquisition Camp?"

            "Providing you and the Templars can keep up, tomorrow afternoon."

            I grinned, "We'll push forward even if they can't keep up." There was an approving gleam in her eyes.

            "Go child, Luna will take care of you." Fiona held out a hand in my direction. Nervously I crouched down to get onto her level. I didn't have to bend much, she was already three quarters of my height.

            I did the only thing I could think of, I smiled and held out my hand. She tucked her chin and it gave a tiny wobble. Dread coursed through my system. Please do not let her cry.

            Little tears started to leak from the corners of her eyes. "Oh no," I whispered and moved forward a little. "Uh… it's going to be okay?" Why, for the love of all that is holy, did I make it sound like a question?

            She buried her face in her hands and shook her head.

            "Oh child," Fiona stepped forward and wrapped her arms around her. "Hush, Luna is one of the ones that freed us from the Magister. She will not harm you, will you Luna?"

            Not physically, mentally? She might not walk away from this encounter the same age. "No." I answered as quickly as I could, "She will come to no harm while she rides with me."

            "See?" Fiona stood and walked forward with her. Quickly I swung up into the saddle and held out my hands for her. Fiona picked up the child and passed her to me. She squirmed for several seconds before she grabbed the pommel in a death grip.

            Gypsy chose that exact moment to pop her head out and give a tiny yip. The girl whipped her head around, her large brown eyes going wide when she saw the black fluff ball.

            "Puppy!" I laughed and reached around for the buckles that kept her secure. If holding Gypsy was going to keep her calm and not crying fine.

            "Promise not to drop her?"

            Her little head bobbed up and down several times in quick succession.

            "Very well." I passed her the pup who promptly started to lick the tears from her face. Gypsy really was a marvelous creature. "Hold tight Amara, we're about to start moving." My arms braced her on either side as she pulled Gypsy closer to her chest and she nodded gravely.

            Bread tossed his head and stamped the ground. I pulled tight on the reins and looked down at Fiona. "Will you and the others arrive at the camp before we do?"

            "It is possible." Fiona admitted.

            "They are expecting you, however with the war the scouts are jumpy." I pulled a piece of paper from the saddle and a slim piece of coal. Quickly I scratched out a note, the same phrase that Leliana gave me all those months ago when I rode to Amaranthine. "Give this to the first scout wearing the Inquisition colors. They will know what it means."

            Fiona nodded and when she stepped past me she vanished. The rest of the mages disappeared as well.

            "Ready?" I asked as the Templar in charge started to yell in my direction. When Amara nodded once I spun Bread and bolted past the Templar. "See you at the camp!" I screamed over my shoulder.

            Amara giggled in front of me, it shocked a smile out of me.

            Gypsy started howling, her little voice pitched high. Amara laughed at the sound. It was infectious so I threw my head back and howled. Seconds later the girl followed suit.

            Yup, Amara was going to be different tomorrow afternoon.

 

That night the mages and I set up camp off the road. Cullen was most likely going to yell at me when I got back to Haven but I didn't give two shits. I thought it was callous of him to send Templars to the greeting of the mages who were going to help Ellana close the damned rift.

            We'd fight over it and this time I wouldn't let him win to save face.

            The Templars were most likely going to miss our little spot. We were hidden 'round the side of several large boulders and surrounded by pine trees. A small fire was lit so they could have a warm meal.

            Amara was tired, she fell asleep on my bedroll as soon as I took it off of Bread, Gypsy clutched tightly to her chest.

            Fiona was a saving grace. She directed the mages like she was born to it, and under her watchful gaze the tents were quickly erected and wards were set up. There would be nothing getting into camp tonight.

            Amara learned a new word today that started with the letter 'd' and I will go so far as to say it is something a child her age should not know.

            I did warn Fiona.

            Food was passed out and once everyone settled down I moved to the edge of camp and leaned against one of the boulders. From this spot I could see the Templars riding down the road, if they caught up to us before I fell asleep.

            If I fell asleep.

            "I see Amara is still in one piece." Fiona stated. I jumped, for a mage she moved quieter than I expected. "You give yourself too little credit."

            A quite laugh slipped past my parted lips, "I give myself credit very rarely." She hummed in my direction.

            "Do you know what has happened to Alexius?" Her tone dropped and was pitched in such a manner that it would not carry three feet beyond her. I shifted and looked at her.

            "No." And it was best that I didn't. Yes, he didn't screw the world over, but that was because he _failed_ in what he was supposed to do. He gave it his all and while Ellana still walked the world I wanted vengeance for what could have been. The future that she and Dorian painted while sitting around a fire much like the one we had tonight was very nearly a real thing. And it sent chills up my spine at the role I could have played in the destruction of the world.

            "I saw the look in your eye," Fiona whispered as she stepped closer. "Ellana means a lot to you."

            "She means a lot to the world." I stated, "So much rides on her slim shoulders. All of Thedas is watching the Inquisition and she has no choice but to stand tall when they would beat her down."

            "Still," Fiona persisted, "the look in your eyes when you had him within your grasp was not the one of someone doing her duty."

            I pressed my lips together. She nodded knowingly, "There is food if you are hungry."

            That night when I fell asleep it was to the sound of a little girl and a pup snoring. That night I crossed over into the fade and _dreamed_.

 

_A smile slid over my face as I watched Jack move through the crowd toward me. Tonight was a good night, he was in a good mood and the bruise on my face had faded from to a faint yellow. I had been a good girl and hadn't given him a reason to hit me._

_He slid a beer into my hand and leaned down to press a kiss to my lips. My stomach flopped in a way that wasn't pleasant, but he was all that I knew. Jack was the only one that cared about me._

_Long slender fingers threaded through my hair, freeing it from its bindings. He pulled it to his nose and breathed deeply. Crimson caught between chocolate. I tilted my head and leaned against him. I didn't have anywhere else to go._

_"My good girl." He whispered as he pulled the rest of me roughly against him. I went willingly, not wanting to give him a reason._

_Around us music thumped loudly and heavily. Bodies with blurred faces undulated on the dance floor. Lights flashed and smoke hung low to the ground, giving the place an eerie vibe. It was one of Jack's favorite clubs._

_He slowly pulled me to the dance floor and we melded into the crowd. He didn't follow the beat but set his own rhythm, moving slower than everyone else around us. I followed his lead keeping my smile plastered to my face. His hands were rough against my skin, pulling the edges of my shirt up._

_My fingers clenched the hem and tried to pull it back down when it soared above my navel. I gave him a pleading look but he gripped my arm roughly and drug me from the floor. I knew better than to cry in public. Crying would make him hit me, and I didn't want to give him a reason to hit me._

_The sign on the door he drug me through declared that it was the men's room. I let one sob go, knowing where this was leading._

_"Shut up!" He screamed as he spun, his hand falling heavily across my face. Pain exploded across my cheek, traveling down and across my jaw. The copper taste of blood filled my mouth. Jack didn't stop there, he pulled me into a stall and slammed the door. The metal of the stall wall was cool under my face, so I switched sides, pressing the hurt one against it._

_A hand materialized through the metal wall and I was sucked through._

_Tears lined my face as I struggled against the hold of my unknown rescuer. Now that the dream had been broken I knew it for what it was. Vibrant red hair faded to silver and the world suddenly looked larger._

_"You didn't see that." I stated as I swiped a hand across my face. "You weren't supposed to see that." Spinning I started away from storm gray eyes. Panic was pulling at the edges. It had been years since I dreamed as Emily and I wondered what set it off._

_"Luna-" his fingers wrapped around my bicep and I ripped myself away from him._

_"Don't," I whispered, "please not… not right now." My voice was quiet and broken sounding. If I heard it with my ears than Solas, who read deeply into every action saw it too. "Thank you for taking me from that place but…" I covered my face with my hands. "I can't."_

_"You were not always this person." He observed._

_"No," I agreed, words muffled behind the palms of my hands. "Please don't tell anyone, it is a secret."_

_"If there are any who know the value of a secret it is I." He stated quietly, "Yours is safe with me."_

_I was sitting, knees pulled up tightly against my chest and they replaced my hands, fingers wound together around my legs and I just sat there. If I didn't think, if I didn't move I was uninteresting and maybe he would go away. Maybe desire wouldn't show up tonight and dangle ideas and hopes in front of me. Maybe it would leave me alone entirely and stop trying to get me to make a deal with it so I could go home._

_There were other ways to go home, though after the fresh reminder of what Earth had been like for me the desire to **go** home was wiped clean from my mind. I shook silently and when something wrapped around me I screamed and bolted away on hands and knees. Fingers dug into the ground, nail tearing as I drug myself across an unforgiving landscape. _

_"No," I whispered, "no, no, no." It was a chant that fueled my every motion._

_Hands wrapped around my arms and lifted me easily from the ground, as if I was a child. My legs thrashed, I didn't want contact, not after that._

_"He cannot hurt you anymore." Solas promised as he pulled me close, wrapping the blanket around me again. "You are in a place that he is unable to reach."_

_I knew this, but still it was so fresh in my mind that there was no place for me to turn that Jack wasn't. That night blended into hundreds that were just like it. It was like I was an object again, something to be bartered and traded._

_The flame tugged and I let out a keening wail. Pain ensconced and consumed me. Arms tightened around me and he whispered something in my ear. I didn't hear it, couldn't make it out past the sound of my vocal cords ripping to shreds._

_But I woke up._

A scream was on the tip of my tongue when I woke thrashing. Dawn was cresting and sweat clung to me like a second skin. Shaking I ran my fingers through dirty hair. This day was not going to be pleasant, nor was any other for a long while.

            There was a vile taste on the back of my tongue, bitter and pungent. Slowly I rose, every muscle ached, more than it should have from riding a horse for little over a day. A sigh slipped past my lips and I wandered from camp looking for a spring or a creek to wash the dried sweat from my skin, bag clutched firmly in my hand.

            I found one, that was about a thirty minute walk from camp but I'd take it. Quickly I rinsed and dressed in fresh clothes, a coarse brush and minty paste thoroughly ran over every inch of my mouth.

            Solas saw everything, and now he knew that I wasn't _just_ Luna. Fuck me every which way 'til Sunday but I was in trouble. That information was designated as classified as it came, that a man I didn't trust—no proof be damned—was aware of my secrets and I had yet to ferret out his.

            "Doesn't matter," I whispered to myself as I trudged back to the camp and the mages. "I'm leaving so what harm can it possibly do?"

            "Did you sleep well?" Fiona approached me holding a squirming and growling Gypsy between her hands.

            "Tolerably," I answered trying to stick as close to the truth as possible. I needed a night of wild abandon. That's what fixed me last time I had dreams of Emily; needed something to remind me that I wasn't in that position anymore, that I wasn't the girl who stayed because she believed there was nowhere else to go.

            I wasn't even on _Earth_ anymore. In the light of the breaking day it was easy to believe Solas' words. Jack could not reach me here; there was nowhere that he could reach me even if I did end up back home because I wasn't _her_. I was more, I was stronger. I was not a victim anymore.

            "The fade can be…" Fiona broke off to search for a word.

            "Difficult?" I shot off, "Terrifying, troublesome, a pain in my ass?"

            She laughed, "All those and more Luna, do not let it trouble you." She patted my arm, "Rarely does the fade show you the same thing twice, unless you seek it out." Her words were warm and comforting. "Amara should be able to continue on her own today."

            "I don't mind." I blurted out before I could stop myself. What the fuck? Fiona chuckled at me.

            "Very well Luna, if she wishes and you have no protests she can ride with you."

            Amara did not protest.

 

The Templars rode all the way back to Haven during the night thinking that is where we had gone. Too bad for them Cullen was going through something—not my problem, I wasn't staying—and was awake when they rode into camp. They were now running drills and that brought a smile to my face.

            "Luna!" Cullen snapped when I rode up and a group of mages materialized beside me. Fade Step answered a lot of questions for me, like how Solas moved so quickly. Cheater. That's what he was, a cheater cheater pumpkin eater. Mother humper was using magic in defensive ways that I was completely unware of.

            Though to be fair to the unworthy miscreant, I was limiting myself because I _didn't_ want to hurt anyone with my abilities and make Ellana's worst fears come true.

            "Nope." I smiled at him, "I have to report to my employer."

            "Luna!" I dismounted closer to the stables, Cullen trailing behind me.

            Amara was like a little ray of sunshine. Most kids and I didn't get along because they 'ohhhh'ed when I said a bad word and tattled. Amara? She fucking _giggled_ and pushed her finger against her lips like it was a secret. She wasn't a god damned canary. I actually liked this one. Gypsy did too.

            She did, however, have extra words in her vocabulary. No, I did not feel bad about it. Everyone was warned so if the kid called someone a cunt it was _not_ my fault. Well… it might have been because I have this habit of talking out loud to myself. A running monologue if you will. It is peppered with colorful words. And when Amara started a game of riddles and I Spy well… it was only a matter of time.

            Thankfully she didn't want to shave the sides of her head.

            Cullen approached me as I set Amara down on the ground. Stable hands stepped forward and took Bread's reins.

            "Are you deliberately disobeying orders?"

            "Of course not." I snorted, "Don't be absurd. I ate, slept and shit military ideals for two years before getting away from the Turian home world." He cast a wary look around, "I followed my orders to the letter. I found the mages, made a peaceful contact and escorted them to Haven. Job done and wrapped in a neat little bow." I pushed my finger against his nose, "Boop!"

            He swatted at my hand and gave me a _look_ that promised pain if I ever did that again in public.

            "Oh don't look so sullen Cullen!" A smile bloomed on my face, "Look! I rhymed!" Amara tugged on my sleeve. "Yes hon?" I squatted down so she looked down at me instead of up.

            "Where am I going to stay?"

            "Well I imagine with the other mages," I scratched my face absently. "That would be the safest place for you Amara."

            "Will you come visit?" She still held Gypsy in her arms, and the pup licked her face. Too late I realized my mistake.

            I had gotten attached to this child in a matter of days. So much for the big bad woman with no feelings. All it took was large doe eyes and a quiver of her lower lip to get me to say, "As often as I am able." And I found myself meaning it. Even if it was just for a week I'd stop by at least once a day.

            She looked lost and I wondered if that was it. If I was drawn to little lost things. That's how I got Bread, the horse I traded him for was traded in return and I wasn't going to trade back for a different horse when the owner so carelessly got rid of mine in the first place. And then there was Gypsy, left alone in the world.

            Amara was the same, taken from her home at a young age. Her magic had barely found her when the rebellion started and she had yet to form a bond of friendship with any of the older people around her.

            Was I really a collector of lost and broken things? Was it a reflection on who I used to be?

            See this is why I don't pick apart pieces of my life. I learn things better left unlearned because I wasn't going to stay. Amara bonded with me in such a short time and now I was going to leave her, proving to her young self that people didn't stick around.

            Mother fucker I was a bad person.

            Amara didn't see it, she just smiled at me and passed me Gypsy before bolting toward Fiona. Hopefully the Grand Enchanter would be able to step in and be a friend or mentor to her. Lord knows that was not a role I could fulfill, not adequately at least. If I stayed she'd end up like me and I wasn't a healthy person.

            Even I knew that.

            "Luna." Cullen snapped as he towered over me, "Are you even listening?"

            "Nope." I brushed past him, "Look, got a problem take it up with my CO." I might have thrown a grin at him over my shoulder. "I delivered the mages as promised."

            "My Templars reported that you were unhelpful and undermining during your _very_ brief encounter with them." Cullen followed me as I lead the way to Leliana's tent. It seemed we were all going to have a chat. "You took an opportunity to leave them behind, even after you were informed of the Inquisitions wishes."

            "No, of _your_ wishes." I countered as I mounted the steps. Varric waved and I waved at him in return, "Tavern tonight, yeah?" He nodded and Sera bounced in place next to him, "You too!"

            Cullen sighed roughly behind me, "Luna, please-" he reached out and pulled me to a halt. Air hissed between my teeth as I ripped out of his hold. His eyes widened and he slowly pulled his hand back, "Apologies, I didn't…. You have been so forward and open."

            "It isn't your fault." I gritted out around my clenched jaw, "Nightmares are bitches but give me some space right now."

            "Of course." He rubbed the back of his neck and I took pity on him.

            "Look…" I sighed, "Imagine it from the Mage's position, okay? They are invited here as _allies_ by the Herald of Andraste herself and who meets them? The very group they were at war with, the people who watched them, hunted them, stalked their waking nightmares. The people who cut them down when they couldn't control themselves. The people who had the power to invoke the right of annulment and end their _lives_." I stepped closer and tilted my head to look up into his honey brown eyes, "It wasn't looking good, Leliana wanted a _good_ first impression. I know you are all about safety and _that_ is why the Templar's were there. To ensure that every one was safe and I appreciate it, but it was going to turn ugly and there were twenty mages to your four Templars."

            "You still disobeyed orders." Cullen pointed out with a gentle tone.

            "Oh no!" I slapped a hand over my mouth and regretted it instantly. Pain blossomed across my cheek. I had yet to have a mage heal my wounds. "Send the Calvary, someone not under your command didn't listen to you!"

            His cheeks turned pink and I instantly felt bad.

            "This is something we have been arguing over since day one." I muttered, "Look, since I got out of the military life I don't follow blindly. I make my own judgement calls. One day your orders and my beliefs will line up and things will go according to plan, until then?" I patted the front of his chest—as long as I was _aware_ there was going to be contact I was fine—and gave him a soft smile. "Not that it will probably happen in the next week or so."

            I spun and shuffled off toward Leliana to give my report. Damn, leaving was going to be harder than I thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know! The flame bitch can talk now?! What the hell?!
> 
> In the dream Luna is Emily, and she is back on Earth. Her boyfriend at the time, Jack, is abusive and the reason she made the deal with the Fae (I didn't say it in the story oops). They are at a bar, she stops him from doing something so he drags her to the bathroom and then Solas shows up and saves her. He sees that she isn't originally from Thedas and she asks him not to say anything. Flame woman tries to take over again but Solas wakes her up before that happens. 
> 
> Amara is six, by the way.
> 
> And I'm sorry the stuff on the spirit was light but if I gave it to you all at once what fun would that be? I'm mean, sorry.


	18. Damn the Wind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You would abandon everything you have worked for?"  
> "The Breach is closed and you would not believe how many times I've had this conversation in the last day." I shoved a foot into a stirrup and slid into the saddle. "Sorry all out of fucks to give."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! Another chapter out so close to my last post! I'm excited.

 

I lifted my mug in celebration. Gypsy was asleep in the pocket of Blackwall's coat, so she was utterly safe and I didn't have a care in the world. The others lifted with me. Only a few had shown up, as I thought might happen.

            Blackwall, Varric, Sera and Bull were here for my little farewell party though they didn't know it was that.

            After debriefing with Leliana I was informed that they had come to the decision to close the Breach tomorrow. So I was leaving day _after_ tomorrow. Things were going to be busy and I wasn't one for messy goodbyes. Not that I thought any of them would shed a tear over a harlot leaving their midst.

            I was probably too hard on myself but I was a little fast and loose with my flirts even if they didn't frequently get very far.

            Dorian was a peach and patched me up, not as effective as Solas but he got the job done and I wasn't writhing in pain because of some crazy dead woman so it was an all-around win.

            Cards and alcohol were plenty as we celebrated long into the night. For it was a celebration of a victory all but in the bag. Coin passed back and forth between hands so quickly it was hilarious. Inhibitions were lowered with the consumption of ale and mead. Flissa was a marvel, constantly keeping our cups full and a platter of food on the table.

            Slowly I lost track of time and how much I drank, the ale disappearing faster than I could process. I think someone was sipping from my drinks because I didn't feel near drunk enough as I should.

            I eyed Bull over the top of my glass. I wasn't going to get a better chance than now to talk to him. Only problem was there were two red heads bouncing around him keeping his attention. To _get_ his attention I'd need to do something rash and stupid, which was right up my alley.

            The bench scraped across the floor as I stood, his one eyes turned to look at me and I lifted a shoulder when his gaze swept over me. My hands gathered up my hair and pulled it over one shoulder and I gave him a smirk as I reached him. His lap was larger than I imagined, and as soon as I was sitting on him his large hands clasped around me. I froze, a slight hint of panic in my movements.

            Damned dream.  

            "Only what you're comfortable with." He murmured so softly that only I heard. Son of a bitch was he really a good guy?

            It was going to make this next part a little more difficult. Only a little. I shifted my position and whispered into his ear.

            "You know what I am." My words were slurred slightly, this night needed to end before I woke up in someone's bed. _That_ was not what I needed. Sex fixed somethings, but not this particular problem.

            I don't know how Bull took those words but I didn't give him a chance to respond. "I catch a whiff, get goose bumps, or even _see_ a Qunari looking at me funny and I will take your reputation down so fast your head will spin."  

            Bull wrapped his hands around my wrists and removed them from his horns. Holy shit when did I grip those? When he met my gaze his eyes were hard.

            "I mean it." I growled, "I will spill your secrets for all of Orlais and Feralden to see." Krem stood up in the background and started toward us. He knew exactly who Bull was and he still stood beside him. "Everything Bull, and I god damn mean it. I've lived too many lives to keep looking over my shoulder, I _will_ _not_ wake up in Par Vollen to find that I have been inducted forcefully into the Qun, or on a slab to be studied."

            His nostrils flared and he held up a hand. Krem stopped in his tracks, eyes narrowed.

            Slowly I slipped off of his lap but maintained eye contact. The Qunari was dangerous and half of his Chargers were in the room. Tonight was one of my last night's here and I had to lay out what I was thinking to Bull. Threaten was such a dark word but that's what I did. I meant every word. If Bull outed me I would sing like a fucking canary while I killed his country men.

            And then he said something that I didn't expect.

            "You aren't staying." Bull commented quietly. Sera's head snapped in our direction and I winced.

            "Damned Ben-Hassrath."

            "You're pissin me right?" Sera half shouted, "Leaving? Just gonna up and leave us? Leave her?"

            I held up a hand, the situation quickly slipping from my control. I shot a glare at Bull. This was going to be all over Haven tomorrow because Sera couldn't keep her mouth shut about some things.

            "The Breach is going to be closed before I-"

            "Bullshite!" Sera stood and started toward the door, "I knew something was wrong with you."

            "Sera!" I shouted after her but she'd already left.

            "She owes me three gold pieces." Blackwall commented evenly. Varric sat there and looked at me.

            "You're a right asshole," I whispered as I turned back to Bull. "That wasn't necessary and you know it."

            "Was your comment?"

            "Yes." I bit out, "Because the Qun does what is best for the Qun. I am doing what is best for the Inquisition!"

            Gypsy let out a yip and I stumbled over to Blackwall. "Easy Lady," Blackwall held out steading hands. "Don't let him shame you like that." I swiped a hand over my eyes.

            "I'm not." I growled without the heat. His large calloused hands held out my wolf, "I'm still leaving."

            "It's a shame, to tell the truth." Blackwall stated, "But you have to do what you think is best."

            I blinked at him, "Thank you Blackwall. You are a good man."

            "We all have our pasts Lady, don't let yours consume you."

            Gypsy licked the side of my hand as I made my way toward the door. I'd deal with this when I was sober. This was not a drunk me problem. This was after-coffee-sober-rational-thinking-me's problem.

            It wasn't until I was halfway to my cabin that I realized Varric was walking with me.

            I jumped sideways nearly dropping Gypsy in the process.

            "Make a little noise!" I barked as I slapped a hand over my chest and promptly fell down. "Son of a whore Varric you're going to scare someone to death someday."

            "I never thought I'd see the day when someone else influenced your decisions." He held out a hand to help me up. "Not when you could do a greater good in one location."

            "Don't judge me," I retorted, "you wouldn't even be here if Cassandra hadn't dragged you here. Fucking knife in the book as a torture technique."

            "And yet, here I am." Varric wave a hand, "Why were you here?"

            "You know why."

            "Because destiny."

            "Oh don't give me that," I dusted off my ass but only succeeded in smearing everything. "You don't believe in it."

            He laughed, "I believe in a lot of things Ghost." His large hand smacked into my back several times, "It'll be less interesting without you here."

            "I highly doubt it." I chuckled, "Look I-"

            "Need sleep." Varric finished, "I saw what you and Tiny were trying to do. Never thought I'd see that either."

            "Sober me is going to be so embarrassed."

            Varric tossed his head back and roared with laughter, "Don't!" He slapped a knee, "You don't get embarrassed."

            "Good point." I slapped a hand into my door, "Night Varric."

            "Good Night Ghost."

 

Angry banging woke me. "Go _away_!" I snarled and threw something at the door. The sound of it shattering was breath takingly beautiful.

            "What was it you said? Oh yes." No, no it was too _early_ for this. "'I know you're awake and I'm not leaving until you let me in.'"

            "You are a cruel man!" I called as I half crawled toward the door. Throwing the lock I stumbled back and yanked the door open. "And a huge dick."

            "Oh, I am a male phallus but _you_ are leaving after demanding a steep favor from me?"

            "Son of a mother fucker." I growled, "Sera?"

            "Sera." He agreed. "Really darling you shouldn't tell her these things."

            "I didn't," I snarled as I puttered around in my kitchen. "It was Bull."

            Dorian sniffed, "He is an unwashed heathen."

            "You don't have to convince me." I didn't have any coffee. That's why I asked the scout the other day. "Fuck me." It was a moan.

            "You really are leaving, aren't you?" A look over my shoulder told me Dorian wasn't looking at me but at something else in the cabin. I squinted as I flipped around and saw my packed bags. I had quadruple checked that the element zero core was safely tucked inside its case and in my bag. Didn't need to leave that behind.

            "Yeah, I really am."

            "I don't suppose I could talk you out of it."

            "Only one person can," I sighed. "And she won't because she is pissed at me and doesn't trust me anymore."

            "It was quite scary." Dorian stated as he pulled out a chair and sat down. Gypsy wandered over to him and patted a paw against his leg. He absently scratched her ears. "Magnificent, yes but horrifying."

            "Don't Dorian." I sagged down into a chair across from him. This was supposed to happen _after_ coffee. "Leliana told me."

            "Did Leliana tell you that Ellana watched as you literally ripped Bull, Sera and Solas to shreds before walking over their bloody corpses without a hint of remorse in your eyes?"

            I winced, "No." It was a growl.

            "Ah, I thought not." Dorian slid something across the table. I blinked.

            "Where the fuck did you pull that from?" I whispered as I pulled it close.

            "A helpful scout brought it by." Dorian mused, "You are not very observant in the mornings are you?"

            "Roland?" I asked as I reverently took a sip.

            "Didn't catch the name darling, just liberated the cup from him as he stood outside your door." Dorian fiddled with something on the table. "He looked quite disappointed."

            "Did you give him a kiss?"

            "Maker no!" Dorian was a little louder than necessary and I made a shushing gesture.

            "That's why. Roland gets kisses for coffee." I joked.

            "That cannot possibly be a deal you struck." Dorian stated bluntly.

            "No, but I did give him one after he brought me one." I winked, "Men, am I right?"

            "Simple creatures really." Dorian lamented. "There is no talking you out of it then?"

            "Nope." I gave him a sad smile. "I'm going to miss you."

            "Yes, I imagine you will." Dorian looked over his shoulder and started to rise, "Will you be there today?"

            "I can't be there." I whispered, "She doesn't need me there. Doesn't need someone she doesn't trust at her back."

            "Of course." Dorian paused in front of the door, "You will say goodbye before you leave?"

            "Yes."

            Hours later I wandered from my cabin and down out of Haven toward the mage's camp. Amara was sitting and playing with a doll, a fire crackling before her. When I called her name she looked up, my own called followed by Gypsy's. She rose and ran toward me, when she slammed into me her arms wrapped around my legs something tugged at my heart that was all me.

            "You came." She sounded so happy and it hurt. I wasn't a good influence, I was starting to doubt that I was even a good person.

            "Did you doubt I would?" I was afraid of her answer.

            "No." She stated happily as she crouched down to lift the little wolf into her arms. Gypsy was getting large enough that she was dangling from her grasp, back feet nearly touching the ground. "You said you coming." She smiled up at me, "Want to play dollies with me?"

            Her request was so benign that I couldn't say no. I wasn't doing either of us any favors by being here, it would only hurt worse in the end but I didn't want to leave this little girl all alone in a world that seemed so out of shape.

            "I would love to."

            And the closing of the Breach found us like that. An audible crack whipped through the valley. Startled we looked up and when Amara saw that it was gone she started to cry. She threw her arms around me and I gave her a hug.

            "She did it!" She exclaimed.

            "I never doubted she would." I responded. I hated myself in that moment. I had no right to be here, no right to eke out a small measure of comfort from a child that saw me as only good.

            When I looked over my shoulder I saw a man standing in the yard, his eyes trained on me.

 

The Ambassador was going above and beyond. She had been planning, in secret, a large celebration. Once she heard we had secured the help of the mages she started. It was to take place tomorrow. She couldn't keep it a secret anymore when one of the towns people caught sight of the large barrels of ale and the tantalizing smells rose up from all of the kitchens in Haven.

            Spirits lifted and laughter was abundant in the little town.

            Sera was still unhappy with me. When I walked back into my cabin I was covered in a bucket of mud and possibly had another concussion. I didn't say anything, Sera had her ways to take out her frustration and doing anything would cause the retaliation to be worse that mud.

            I'd been covered in it before and it was easy to clean out.

            Until I realized that my soap had been exchanged for dye that didn't activate or show its color until it was wet.

            "Really?!" I screamed as I slammed out of my cabin half naked. "Fucking really Sera!" My hair was a vibrant pink as were my hands. The color was uneven and splotchy. I heard Sera's laughter as she ran from the scene of the crime.

            Grumbling I strode back into cabin and slammed the door. Thankfully I had my sleeping shirt on and no pants than the other way around. Something told me that Thedas did not have the proper dye to get my hair back the way it was.

            The ends were ruined. Bloody fucking brilliant. Gypsy barked and growled in her little corner.

            "I know!" I swept the cabin until I found a dagger. "I don't like it any more than you do!"

            Large chunks of my hair fell to the floor and as I got to the portion that _wasn't_ ruined my movements became more precise and less jerky. I took smaller amounts as I strove to even it out.

            A knock at the door had me screaming: "Come in!" My voice anything but gentle.

            "Oh." I looked and saw Leliana blink as she closed the door behind her. "I presume Sera got you?" She marched forward and took the dagger from my hands. "Sit."

            "Who else but our loveable prankster?"

            "Ellana may have helped her with it." Leliana confessed, "They were very unhappy to learn you were leaving."

            I barked laughter. "One of them doesn't even _want_ me here anymore."

            "Ellana is young." Leliana stated, "I told you as much before you went for the mages. She does not know what she wants."

            "I am not staying." I stated. My tone brooked no argument.

            "So you've said." Leliana sighed, "Such a waste," her fingers were gentle in my hair. "It was so beautiful."

            "I know." I wasn't sure if we were talking about my hair or something else.

            "Will you stay for the celebration?"

            I was quiet, the sound of my dagger sliding through hair loud in the silence.

            "No." Best if I didn't party with these people.

            Leliana set down the dagger, "Shame." She paused a moment, "I _will_ see you again." Her gone was fierce.

            "I gave my word." I whispered.

            When she walked out the door I pushed my hands into my face and thought about everything that had happened in the last couple weeks. Redcliffe was a disaster and it had been the beginning of the end.

            "Fuck my life."

 

The next morning came quickly. The feast was all anyone could talk of, my leaving swept away in its wake and it was a fucking blessing. I gave Josephine back some of the creams she'd given me when I joined in thanks. She tried to refuse but I slipped out before she could push them back on me.

            Vivienne didn't even spare me a glance as I walked out of the Chantry with everything that I owned. It fit in one bag. I had enough gold to last for a long time, when the Inquisition feeds you and gives you everything you need on top of paying you? Yeah as long as I didn't lose it gambling with the guys I hadn't spent it on anything.

            I'd already said goodbye to Dorian, I promised to keep in touch and he promised to keep looking into my 'problem'. It'd been a quiet affair and I left all too soon. He told me to 'be good' and I laughed at him. Which turned into, _Yes not my best line_.

            Right now I was standing outside of Haven staring at the mage's camp. I _had_ to say goodbye to Amara. She was probably the only one who didn't know I was leaving. Children rarely paid attention to the rumors of adults unless they are being paid for it.

            As I walked into the camp I looked for anyone shorter than me. She found me first as children do.

            "Luna!" She bounced over to me beaming, "Did you come to play dollies?"

            "Not this time." I stated quietly as I crouched in front of her. "I have some bad news Amara."

            Her eyes flashed to my bag. "You're leaving?"

            "Yes," I nodded.

            "When will you be back?"

            God it hurt, the trusting look in her eyes. It was like someone punched me in my solar plexus. It all but knocked the breath from my lungs. "I won't." I wanted to swallow the words before they left but I forced them out.

            Her eyes turned confused and her lower lip started to tremble.

            "Oh honey." I pulled her into a hug, "I'm so sorry."

            She pushed me away and ran. I hung my head and swiped at the tears that started to fall. Collector of broken and lost things. Yeah, my white ass I was. I took but didn't give. And I was a cold hearted bitch for it. I wished I had gone anywhere but here.

            Fiona approached, "The girl will get over it."

            "Will she?" I snapped as I stood, "Because what I see is a child who has had everything ripped from her repeatedly and I'm just continuing the cycle!"

            Spinning I stormed toward the stable and my horse. Gypsy trailed happily behind me. If she could speak would she tell me I was being stupid and selfish? Because that's the way I felt after telling Amara I was leaving.

            My fingers scrabbled at the latches of Bread's stall. Quickly I saddled him and secured my bag, Gypsy went inside with her normal fuss. Soon she'd outgrow the bag and I'd need to train her to follow the horse. Quietly I led Bread out of the stall and saw the one person I hoped to sneak away from was waiting for me.

            Solas.

            "You would abandon everything you have worked for?"

            "The Breach is closed and you would _not_ believe how many times I've had this conversation in the last day." I shoved a foot into a stirrup and slid into the saddle. "Sorry all out of fucks to give."

            "Excuse me?" He sounded genuinely confused.

            "I am emotionally drained and I do not have another 'I'm leaving anyway' conversation in front of me so please-"

            "Why?"

            "Why what?" I snapped.

            "Why leave now?"

            "Because I am no longer necessary." I held up a finger, "Because I am not wanted." I held up another. "Because I am a liability to the cause." I glared at him, "Pick any reason."

            I pulled at Bread's reins and he pranced sideways away from Solas. Once Bread had a clear path he bolted.

            Amara ran after me calling my name, but her words were lost to the wind and galloping hooves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of this chapter kind of hurt my soul.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But who has that kind of time?
> 
>  _Flame_ , she whispered inside of me, _do_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of free time apparently means frequent updates.
> 
> Hey, as long as I've got a buffer I'm good.

That night I made camp in the woods. I strayed from the path looking for something different. It wasn't far and snow was still around me. Haven wasn't the distant memory I wanted it to be. I rode for half a day before my anger and sorrow drove me from the saddle.

            Bread threw me and I didn't have the heart to fight him. I felt more broken than ever. Just when I thought everything was going fine it shattered. It was a pattern with me. I was an albatross, a curse. Things fell to pieces whenever I was around, or I was the cause. Selfish. It was a horrible word and people caught a lot of shit for it, but I created shit _because_ of it.

            The fire crackled in front of my face but I didn't watch the flames. I felt the heat but didn't see the light. My mind was worlds away thinking of everything I'd done and wondering if I was the cause of anything else negative happening in the stories.

            Had I caused any huge change in the Mass Effect realm? I didn't think I had but how many lives had I altered just because I was _there_.

            Sidonis was dead because of me and my anger. What if he was supposed to live? Was he destined to give birth to some great Turian leader who would pull his people from the ashes of the Reaper invasion on his home planet? Or would it be generations later? Was it a good thing that I took his life?

            Blood was on my hands and it dripped from my past. There was no washing myself clean of it. I would strive to do better here. I didn't know how but I would do better, keep my temper in check, be a light in the world instead of madness. 

            Bread wandered over and nudged my head with his nose. I patted it absently and handed him part of the apple that I had been eating. It appeased him and he went to bed down for the night. Gypsy was already curled up in my lap.

            It was time for sleep, morning was starting to come earlier and earlier. If I wanted to get up to Rivain then I needed to leave at dawn. The thought was sour in my mouth but my course was set.

            I threw snow and dirt over the fire. No sense drawing unwanted attention to myself. Quietly I slipped into my bedroll and curled around Gypsy. Sleep eluded me, slipping through my fingers for hours.

 

My eyes snapped open and I listened to the world around me. Something had woken me but the question was _what_? Slowly I sat up. Gypsy was at the foot of the bedroll so it wasn't her. Bread was standing with one foot pulled up and his eyes closed. It hadn't been him.

            Fingers splayed across the ground and I started to rise when I _felt_ it.

            The ground rumbled under my hand. Did Thedas have earth quakes? They should, tectonic plates and magma would cause it. The core of the planet had to still be active or their world wouldn't be the way it was.

            Was this an earth quake?

            Then I heard it. The forest had gone silent. It was naturally quiet at night but there were still deer and other large prey animals moving around, owls and birds still made noises and while it was getting too cold for bugs in this area there was still the odd cricket or two that made chirping noises.

            I stood and looked around. Torches in the distance. My blood froze in my veins. Using every bit of elf blood I had in me I crept forward on tip toes. It was an agonizingly long time until I reached a position where I could see anything.

            Frozen blood drained from my face. A horde was walking up the path I so recently came down from, and at its head was a figure that I recognized.

            "Fuck me." I whispered softly. My gaze ripped from him and I looked at the tide that followed. They bore the mark of Templars and they were disfigured. Red jutted from their bodies at odd angles and some of them shambled instead of walking. An aura of evil clung to all of them and then I saw the biggest sombitch of them all.

            Before I knew what I was doing I was tearing through the trees headed straight for Bread. Dropping to my knees I drug a sleeping Gypsy from the bedroll and strapped on my weapons. My body vaulted onto Bread without the saddle and we turned toward Haven. I'd have to take the long way, there was no choice. I couldn't fight my way past the horde and Haven had no idea they were coming.

            They were in the middle of celebrating. It was going to be a slaughter. I had to warn them. How many were drunk? How many were passed out or dancing because they thought they won?

            Worse, _he_ was supposed to be dead. Varric might know more.

            Bread fought me for all of five seconds before I yanked roughly on his mane and jabbed him with the heels of my boots. He shut the hell up and started to climb. We'd have to take the natural routes that were carved into the land scape.

            I only hoped I wouldn't arrive too late.

            My sturdy steed huffed under me, giving everything I asked for and then more. It was slow going and more than once I almost fell or dropped Gypsy. She was unhappy and I had claw marks all up and down my arms as proof. To top it all off I was shivering.

            Winter was coming and it was starting to snow, little flakes trickled down in between the trees. Tonight was going to be rough and this snow as going to make it worse.

            I shouldn't have thought that. Wind kicked up, causing the snow to swirl in front of the three of us.

            We broke through the trees and the fighting had already started.

            Bread caught the scent of blood. He screamed and charged forward. Gypsy went down my shirt and I gripped his mane with both hands as I leaned forward, urging him on. He was tired and it was dangerous but we didn't have a choice.

            I yanked him to the right. There was an old path that way that lead into the side of the town. The horde of Red Templars was driving toward the front gates, telling me that they had lost their minds in the transformation. Templars would have been here at one point. They would know the layout of the town.

            We skirted the worst of them. Those that caught sight of us were quickly put down with an arrow in their eye. One of them almost pulled me from Bread's back. Only his quick side step and my dagger stopped them. The next one didn't get close enough. He caught throw right in the face and he skidded across the ground.

            Bread reared and broke the side gate open.

            "Crap!" I screamed as I dismounted and quickly shoved anything and everything in the opening we climbed through. I scrambled back onto his back and we were off again.

            "Luna!"

            I yanked hard enough that Bread sat on his haunches and spun in a tight circle.

            "Cullen!" I dismounted again and ran over to him, "What's the plan?"

            He smiled at me and quickly lined it out. I nodded as I listened intently.

            "Where do you want me?"

            He laughed at my words, "Clear the town, some of them have gotten past us and we still have civilians to get past."

            "Take Bread!" I shouted as I bolted into the town, "He'll keep you safe!"

            Gypsy was still a bulge in my shirt, her head poking out the top. We had yet to start her battle training and once we survive this—if—it was time to get serious about that. Young or not she'd be useful if she could pull attention and then get the hell out of the way.

            I went to work the only way I knew how.

            I killed.

            My biotics were fully unleashed and my raw potential flew free from my fingertips at every opportunity. Templars and Venatori fell before me and others. One of the big ones was harassing someone with a shield who was standing between it and civilians. More were closing in on the sides.

            Bolting I made my way toward them. Singularity ripped from my fingers and when they started to float I punched out sending another biotic pulse from my hands. They shot into the distance, the sound of their bones breaking lost in the chaos. Without breaking stride I ripped my singularity to shreds and started to scream at the civilians.

            "Get to the Chantry!" I'd reached them by then and I pulled several to their feet. "Go! To the Chantry! Commander's orders!"

            I glanced over my shoulder. The warrior had gone down and the big dude was towering over them. Still the warrior was hurling insults at them in… I knew that voice.

            Screaming I slammed my palms into the floor and a shock wave rocketed out from my impact. Quickly before it could reach her I wrapped pull around Cassandra and yanked her away from my power. As she started to shoot past me I slapped my hand in hers and threw myself backward.

            "Luna?!" She exclaimed as we hit the ground.

            "Yeah, I know." I jumped to my feet, "You can yell at me later." Gypsy was positively livid at this point and trying to crawl out of my shirt. I shoved her back down, "Fucking stay!" Her head popped back out and she whined at me, "I don't care."

            Cassandra started laughing.

            "Yeah, comical."

            She stepped forward and shoved me out of the way. There was a crunching sound. My head snapped toward it and I saw that she blocked a blow that would have killed me. From the way she was holding her arm, it broke her bone.

            My daggers found purchase as I climbed it. The red lyrium made my skin crawl but I looked for weak points and stabbed them repetitively.

            "Grab it, stab it, and ooking bite it. Repeat until win!"* I shouted as it fell and I rolled from its back, curling protectively round my middle and the crazed wolf pup in my arms. When I stood and looked Cass over. "You can't fight like that."

            I tossed a look over my shoulder.

            "Go." She held her hand out, "Give me Gypsy, I'll make sure she is safe."

            I gave her a pained look but passed the pup over. "Where are the others?"

            "Where they should be." Cassandra admonished, "Where _you_ should be. Get the villagers out."

            She turned to the Chantry and started for the doors. Gypsy barked at me over her shoulder before they disappeared from sight. There was a roaring sound that was distinctly familiar but I didn't have time to think it through.

            Twisting I threw myself back into battle. I got Flissa free, and another. The Tavern was ruined but I got several out of there as well.

            Sera almost shot me.

            "Pink?" I pointed at my short hair, "Really? You and I are not finished."

            "Bloody brilliant right?" She snorted as she shot another arrow over my shoulder. "Glad you came back Moony."

            "Oh no," I stated, "that is not becoming a thing."

            " _Moony_." She snorted again and was gone.

            By now my shirt was ripped, I was covered in blood I was ninety percent sure wasn't _all_ mine but I had a steady stream dripping from a shallow graze on my bicep. A familiar beard charged past me, rushing another group of Templars.

            I followed him and ducked under his shield. My daggers flashed out as I slid between the legs of a human and sliced both of his hamstrings. Blackwall ran him through seconds later.

            "How many civilians left?" I shouted as I punched another before I threw him away from me with my biotics.

            "Five, maybe?" He sounded uncertain.

            A scream ripped me to a halt. "No."

            "Luna?" Blackwall called as I ran past him. Ebony skin called to me, a flash of curly hair darting around a building followed by a large Templar.

            "Amara!" I screamed as I followed them. She was pressed up against a wall, terror and tears on her face. I saw as the sword rose. She was a child. I wasn't close enough, I wasn't going to stop it. "No!" I screamed as I tried anyway. "AMARA!"

            The sword started its descent. Her eyes found mine and my name wailed from her throat. My heart clenched. Her eyes were wide and her hand was reaching for me. The ugly Templar let out a grunt as the sword arced toward her. I couldn't do a damned thing about it and it had me screaming in rage and pain and horror.

            This was a little girl who had _everything_ take from her and now I had to watch as the thing she'd lived in fear of with a different face take her life.

            I stretched out a hand, caution thrown to the wind. The blue of my biotic field wrapped around him and he started to move. My heart pounded, was it enough time to get her out of his reach? I hadn't been in range before, it _had to be enough_.

            A sob ripped through my throat as the sword hit and ripped through, my eyes refusing to believe what I was seeing. Amara slammed back into the wall behind her, blood ran down her robes. Sounds I couldn't register tore through my throat and a barrier erupted out of my body until there was a dome over the three of us. Everything else was pushed to the side. The sound of the world fell away as the Templar gone wrong twisted through the air toward me, spinning like a top.

            I hit him with slam and he shot toward the ground. My whole world was focused down to a pin point, and that Templar was the tip of the pen. A biotic field swirled around me and I threw myself forward, daggers gripped tightly in my clenched hands. I sailed over him, or would have if not for one dagger finding purchase in the expose flesh of the joint between his shoulder guard and chest piece.

            The thing under me, because no _person_ would do what he did to a child, roared in pain as I pushed down and used the fully hilted blade to drag myself back up his body. He was coated in a thin sheen of blood and I wished for eternity to tear him apart.

            But who has that kind of time?

            _Flame,_ she whispered inside of me, _do_.

            I didn't even break a sweat pushing her to the background. I screamed in his face, at the little red lines that wound through his veins, barely visible through his skin. My hand twisted the blade in his underarm and he threw me bodily from him.

            Rolling free I stood and wasted no time. I hit him with throw and watched him bounce off my makeshift wall. And then I pulled him to me only to hit him with throw again. Over and over I did it, the sound of his bones crunching; of his armor crushing around him was music to my ears. A symphony was born of his screams, until the crescendo broke and silence ensued.

            Breath came quickly into my lungs, only to be expelled as quickly. Something moved to my right. Where Amara had fallen. Only the object was too large to be the sweet child.

            Blindly I threw my arm out to the side and hit them with pull. Turning I threw myself at them, meeting them in the air with charge. We slammed into the ground with them beneath me. My hand raised, dagger gleaming in the moonlight.

            Hands held up pleadingly at me, his lips formed words but there… my name. His lips formed my name.

            "Blackwall?" I whispered in horror as I clambered off of him. The dagger fell from my grip and I crumpled to the ground. "It's my fault." Tear clogged the bag of my throat, "All my fault."

            Blood was on my hands and I screamed at them as I bowed over farther, head almost touching the ground.

            The battle still raged around me, barrier long forgotten. Sound returned to the world but it was bitter and unwanted. I rocked back and forth, sobs wracking my body. If I'd never left, if I'd stayed, if I'd ignored Ellana. How integral was she to my job? To what I did? Not very much. It wasn't important for her to like me for me to make a difference here.

            But I'd been selfish and walked. Like I always did, but this time a child paid the price. A child with a giggle that made me smile. Go figure, I found a kid I liked and then I let them die.

            Large hands found my shoulders and I allowed them to pull me into a seated position.

            "Miss Luna," Blackwall spoke quietly and calmly. "There is still work to be done and the girl needs to be-"

            "Don't you get it!" I screamed at him, "She's dead!"

            "No." He shook his head and when I looked over Dorian was kneeling over Amara. I scrambled forward on hands and knees until I saw what he was doing. His hands held the glow of healing magic.

            A mage would not heal the dead.

            "Amara." I whispered as I stood and ran the last few feet.

            The Templar had done considerable damage. Blood soaked her robes and her dark skin was pale from blood loss. Dorian was paler still and when he stopped he sagged to the side.

            "Blackwall!" I screamed looking over my shoulder. The Warden was standing about ten feet from us, shield held at the ready. He was guarding our backs. At my voice he glanced at me and when he saw Dorian slumped and me trying to hold him up he rushed over.

            "What happened?"

            "I don't know he just-"

            Amara gasped and sat up screaming. My heart thudded harshly in my chest and I pulled her quickly against me. She screamed again and flailed wildly.

            "Amara." I called but she didn't hear me. My hands held her briefly away from me and I forced her to look at me, "Amara!"

            Her eyes snapped to mine and quickly roved over my face. She let out a sob, her hands digging into my shirt as she pulled herself closer. "Luna!" I wrapped my arms around her. Somewhere in that little exchange Blackwall got Dorian standing though he looked three sheets to the wind.

            "Can you get him back to the Chantry?" Blackwall asked as I stood. I nodded at him, not trusting myself to speak at the moment. "Good. Get going, I'll cover your back."

            I walked slowly, keeping Dorian slightly ahead of me where I could see him. My barrier was back up, though it was not as big as the one before. Amara sobbed into my shirt and I held her as we made our way toward the largest building in the town. It was awkward but I refused to set her down. She was _my_ lost and broken child who said douche and cunt and bitch.

            Yeah I left out bitch. Didn't want to make it seem like I was worse than I really was. I mean she was with me a day and a _half_. Come on there is only so much damage I should be able to do.

            When we made it past the smoke that obscured the Chantry we saw a steady stream of people making their way out of the double doors and to the side. One of the Inquisition soldiers caught sight of Dorian and quickly rushed forward to support him. I was completely ignored.

            Right, because a woman and a _child_ should be ignored in the middle of a war zone.

            "What's happening?" I asked someone but they didn't answer. I looked for a familiar face. The Chantry was the best chance we had at surviving this.

            A dragon roared over my head and I twisted. That's what I heard earlier but hadn't wanted to believe.

            "Mother fucker." I growled. Amara giggled weakly in my arms. If she'd laugh again I'd cuss for an hour straight. "Don't you go saying _that_ one, alright?" I had to draw the line somewhere. That one was it.

            A familiar blond head bobbed above the small sea of people rushing round the side of the building.

            "Cullen!" I screamed as I pushed toward him, "Where is everyone going?"

            "Luna! I thought you'd already gone."

            "Gone where?!" I shouted at him.

            "Roderick remembered a path, we are evacuating."

            My eyes widened, "They'll just follow us, we'll be defenseless."

            His eyes darkened. "Ellana is making sure we aren't." He turned to look down the hill. From here I could see raven black against white. She was at the trebuchets. "We're going to bury Haven."

            "She'll never survive that!" I exclaimed, "How could she?! She is too fucking important! Cullen why?!"

            "She said it would buy us time." Cullen bit out, "I don't like this any more than you."

            I set Amara on the ground. "I have to go."

            "No!" She wailed and held onto me, "Don't leave me again."

            "Amara, honey I have to go save the Herald."

            "You aren't coming back!" She screamed, "Don't go!"

            "Hon," I whispered, "I'm coming back." Gently I cupped her face with both of my hands, "Do you doubt me?"

            Tears were falling freely down her face, "No." She whispered but I saw the look in her eyes. She did.

            "It's okay to doubt hon, but I _promise_ I'm coming back this time." I pulled her close and gave her a hug. "Go with Cullen, he'll protect you." I stood and looked at him, "She lives, you hear me?" Tears made my words thick, "She lives."

            It was utter torture, leaving Amara when she was so recently wounded. She was alive, only by the grace of whatever God ruled these lands. And magic. Dorian was getting candied dates, _lots_ of them along with any Tevinter wine he preferred when we got out of here.

            Cullen nodded, eyes wide at the sight of the blood on her and when he held out a hand Amara put hers in his. I turned and ran down the hill. Ellana was on her own, there was no way she was getting away from an avalanche. If they were going to bury Haven she was going to be buried alive with it and we _needed_ her not to do that.

            I jumped over debris and slid under others. As I jumped from the small wall I rolled and gained my feet in the same movement. The dragon roared again. A group of familiar faces were darting past me but they were too far way and headed in the other direction.

            "Luna!"

            I jerked to a halt at her voice. Spinning I looked at her, red hair shifting in the wind.

            "Bring her back."

            I snapped a salute and started running again.

            The gates came into view but I had to crawl over them. They were destroyed completely and there was no way through. Quickly I scrambled over them. Once I hit the floor I scrabbled on hands and knees until I was on my feet.

            Everything was going to be fine. I would help her with this and then… and then…

            I closed my eyes and thought of Amara. She would live and if I died it was enough. Cassandra would probably give her Gypsy, knowing that every little girl deserved an animal. Cassandra was a big fucking softie who read Varric's romance novels. I saw her hiding in a tent. Swords and Shields clutched tightly in her hands as she devoured the pages one by one. I never said a thing cause I was saving it.

            I should have used it. Too late now.

            "Ellana!" I screamed, voice cracking under all the yelling I'd done. She was dangling from _his_ grasp. "Ellana!"

            She struggled and he threw her at the trebuchet. She hit with a bone jarring thump. She was _away_ from him and that was an improvement. "Luna!" Her eyes went wide when she finally saw me. The dragon roared at me but my goal was Ellana. If I was with her we'd probably be good.

            Probably. Not. But… it was better than being separate.

            I threw throw at the dragon's mouth to divert the trail of fire that was hurling in my direction. I jumped debris like I was a track star and it was a hurtle.

            Right as I reached Ellana she kicked the lever of the trebuchet and we all watched as it crashed into the mountain. The rumble started as a whisper until it grew into a roar. It was coming straight for us and I couldn't stop it.

            Ellana couldn't either.

            "I'm sorry." I whispered as I threw up barrier in a stupid attempt to hold mother nature at bay. Before my eyes the dragon curled around Corypheus and they took off right as the wall of snow reached us.

            It hit and I screamed again, voice breaking as it hit an impossibly high note. I dropped to a knee and spread my hands out. My biotics were failing for the first time and I didn't even have the sense to feel betrayed.

            "Luna!" Ellana screamed as she tugged on my arm.

            "Don't," I whispered though I meant shout over the avalanche. She didn't hear me but kept tugging. I chanced looking at her, desperation was in her eyes and she pointed. There was a crack in the ground. I nodded and forced myself to stand. "Get ready to run." It was broken and cracked but she nodded.

            I dropped the barrier and she pulled me behind her. As we fell she wrapped herself around me.

            Stupid woman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter made me cry, and then I went back and edited it and cried again so I stopped and just posted it.
> 
> *World of Warcraft, Mists of Pandaria. It's a Hozen belief.


	20. Damn it Just Let Me Cuddle You!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "One." I looked at her. "Two." And I yanked as hard as I could on her leg. The bone popped into place and I leaned away from her.  
> "You said three!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Morning! Thank you all for the comments, they leave me glowing and I love waking up seeing them! Ya'll are amazing!
> 
> And now we walk through the blizzard to get to the other side.

Something hit my face and I shook it gently. Fucking seven hells where was I? I coughed and my throat made its protests known. Right, was I sick? I felt really cold which was bad. I wasn't sweating so I didn't have a fever which meant that I was close to getting hypothermia.

            Something smacked into my face again and this time it was accompanied by my name. I jerked my head up and looked around.

            Ellana was laying on the ground. A large wooden beam was on top of one of her legs. I scrambled to my feet.

            "Are you alright?" My voice was hoarse and I didn't even understand what I was saying. I cough/cleared my throat again and tried once more. "Are you okay?" It was clearer that time, but only just.

            "I don't think I'm going anywhere." She shook her head and winced in what I could only assume was pain. "You need to get out of here."

            "I'm not leaving you." I insisted as I looked at the beam. I could move it. But I'd need my biotics to do so. The cause of the problems that started it all. The very powers that scared Ellana enough she treated me like an animal.

            "Why not?" She demanded angrily, "You did before. You didn't even say goodbye!" Her voice was slowly rising and I gave a dark look.

            "Oh and that's my fault?" I snapped, "Ellana do you realize exactly how you've treated me? Like dirt." I wrapped my hands as best I could around the beam and tried to lift it. "And the only reason I left is because you didn't trust me."

            "And I was right!" Ellana shouted, "At the first sign of trouble you ran away, how can I trust you?"

            I released the beam and stood up, "Really?" I barked, "That's what you took from what I did? It didn't occur to you that I left _everything_ that I had, my job, my friends, what had become my _home_ because you _didn't trust me to have your back_! How could I go with you on missions? You would be keeping one eye on me instead of the mission. It would become a problem and one of us would make a mistake and it would be _my_ fault. I left _for you_. So you could _be safe because the world needs you and you are fucking throwing your life away!_ "

            Unconsciously I was pacing back and forth.

            Her voice was small when she spoke, "You left… so I would be safe?" I looked at her and there was shame in her eyes. "You… did it for me?"

            "Yes." I snapped, "Now shut up because we are both getting out of here."

            I wrapped my biotics around the beam and pulled it off of her. She sat up and I looked at her leg. It didn't look good. I wasn't sure how long we'd been down here but we needed to move soon if we were going to ever catch up with the rest of the Inquisition.

            "Can you walk?" I didn't think she could but assuming made an ass out of you and me so I asked anyway. Her leg was swollen and bruised a deep purple color.

            "I think it's broken."

            "Fuck." I stood and started looking around. We were in an old mining shaft and there were shattered pieces of wood everywhere. "Look, I'm going to get us out of here but you have to trust me, alright? At least… let me get you to a safe place."

            "Okay."

            Thank fucking god she wasn't being stubborn right now. Quickly I stooped and picked up several pieces of wood. After examining several pieces I selected two and walked back to her.

            "Ever had a bone set?"

            She shook her head at me, "No."

            "Well it's going to hurt like a bitch but I swear you hit me I will punch you right back alright?" She snorted, "Yeah, no punching the healer." I didn't hit Solas she wasn't going to hit me. "On three." I stated as I grabbed her foot. I had basic medical training, everyone picked it up when you lived the life I had. "One." I looked at her. "Two." And I yanked as hard as I could on her leg. The bone popped into place and I leaned away from her.

            "You said three!" She screamed as she slammed a fist dangerously close to my leg. "You whore!"

            "That's right." I whispered, "Get it out but don't hit me." Quickly I set the wood pieces next to her leg and started to rip my undershirt into thin strips.

            "What are you doing?" She growled as she glared at me. Here I was asking for trust and she was pissed I didn't go on three. I wasn't stupid, she would have tensed and made it harder for me to get the bone into place.

            "Making a splint."

            She stayed quiet—mostly—as I wrapped pieces of my shirt around her leg and the wood. When I pulled them tight and tied a knot she whined in pain.

            "It isn't perfect and we need to get you medical attention." I stood and offered her both of my hands. "Bone marrow in the blood stream does weird things and infection is a bitch on wheels in this time."

            She laughed bitterly. "Wish you had some of that… what was it? Some sort of gel?"

            "Medi-gel." I offered as I wrapped on of her arms around my shoulder, "And yeah, me too. I've wished for it frequently. I was fucking spoiled. Indoor plumbing and TV straight to chamber pots and getting drunk in the tavern."

            We started walking with me supporting her.

            "You miss anything from your clan?" I asked in attempt to distract her. "People, places?"

            "Not the people." She stated, I heard the pain in her voice. "I wandered off on my own as much as I could, ranging ahead, tracking halla or other game, exploring ancient ruins."

            "Sounds like the Inquisition is the perfect place for you."

            "Kind of." She laughed, "But it's too damned cold for me."

            "This?" I scoffed good naturedly, "This is nothing." She gave me a dirty look, "Honestly," I laughed. "There was this planet, Noveria. It was a bitch of a planet. It was like a constant blizzard, temperatures well below freezing. People couldn't exist on the planet surface for more than half an hour before the life support systems of their armor gave out and they'd freeze to death."

            "Sounds miserable."

            "Oh it was. I hated that planet." I grunted, "More than just the weather was part of that though."

            It grew quiet between the two of us and when I looked up I saw about six demons waiting for us in the room ahead.

            "Fuck me."

            "That seems to be a common theme with you." Ellana snickered. "How many have you slept with?"

            "Demons." I hissed to get her to be quiet.

            Right then her palm flared to life. "There's a rift nearby." I let go of her arm and held up my hands in a 'stay' motion. Slowly I moved forward, crouching low so I could look and see if anything was hanging above them.

            Sure enough there it was. Easing back I returned to her.

            "Yup." I nodded vigorously, "So… I'm exhausted and you're hurt what's the game plan?"

            "Something feels different." She was staring at her palm. "That… Corypheus, he did something to the mark… he called it an anchor. Said that he was-"

            "An ancient evil dark spawn." I interrupted, "Yeah I know Hawke fought and killed him."

            "But he's alive."

            "Yup." I added emphasis on the 'p'. I was so done with this world's bullshit. When you killed something it should stay dead. "It's like he is an Arch Demon."

            "Did you see the dragon?" Her eyes went wide, "Do you think it could be a _blight_?!"

            "Shh!!" I hissed at her looking over my shoulder, the demons were still hanging around the rift. "I think if it was a Blight we'd be ass deep in darkspawn. Something else is happening but we have to get out of here to ponder that some more."

            "Right, sorry." She shook her head slightly as if she was clearing the thoughts swirling around her brain. "Get me close and I'll try to close the rift, you take care of the demons." She gave me a tight smile, "I know what you're capable of."

            I glared at her, "That wasn't me."

            "She wore your face very well."

            I… was going to do not a damned thing because we had to get out of here but after we were going to have a screaming match until someone caved.

            Yanking her to me again I supported her weight as we moved close. Once she could see the rift and her hand was giving off occasional sparks I leaned her against the wall.

            "I'll distract them while you close it."

            "That's what I said." She snapped.

            _Relax Luna_ , I chided, _she's in pain and knows not that she is upsetting the only person here to help her._

            "Right." I almost bit the word in half.

            She raised her hand and instead of the normal tether that formed there was… well for lack of a better description it was a green ring on the ground that sucked everyone inside of it toward the rift and son of a bitch I was _inside the god damned green ring_.

            "Ellana!" I screamed as my fingers clawed across the floor looking for purchase anywhere.

            "Luna I don't know what I did!" She sounded panicked.

            "Well stop it!"

            "I can't!"

            "Fucking beautiful!" My legs were in the air, fingers jammed into a crack in the ice. I roared in pain when one of them broke. "God damn it all to hell!"

            Suddenly everything stopped and I hit the floor. Groaning I pulled my fingers out while looking around for any demons. They were gone, twisting I looked above me and so was the rift.

            "Well… isn't that a fucking handy dandy thing that just happened."

            "Are you alright?" She was hopping forward in attempt to get to me, "I'm so sorry, it just happened."

            "It's fine." I grumbled as I stood up and looked at my fingers. Two of them were bent in the wrong direction. Grimacing to myself I grabbed one and took a deep breath. I jerked quickly and let out a tight lipped scream. I swayed on my feet and stared at a single spot. "Fuck I still have another one."

            Rolling my shoulders I held up both hands and before I could think about anything else I grabbed my ring finger and snapped it back into place. It popped with an audible crack and I screamed again.

            "You are a Creator's damned beast." Ellana whispered and I chuckled. Seems like I was a bad influence to people around my age too.

            "I've been through worse," I assured and I waved her forward. "Give me a little warning next time."

            She gave a shaky nod and when she got close she wrapped her arm around my shoulders. It was slow going but I was the perfect size for a crutch for her. I didn't have to stoop or bend over. She leaned on me and I knew this couldn't last forever.

            The light snow that had been falling earlier turned into a blizzard. We were lost. We shared a look before she jerked her head to the right.

            "They would have headed up the mountain. Chancellor Roderick said that it was a path _up_ the mountain, and that way is sloped."

            "Good deduction." I nodded and steered toward the slope.

            "Talk to me." She demanded suddenly. I looked over at her and her face was white with pain.

            "What do you want to hear?" I asked as I pushed the two of us along.

            "Noveria." She gasped, "What happened."

            "Alright," I nodded. "So Shepard had a tip from someone that there was some connection to Saren who was a Turian who'd gone bad. He used to be a Specter, one that was appointed by the Council to uphold the laws of Council Space. Well Noveria is _technically_ outside of their designated space so a lot of people do research that isn't allowed elsewhere. That's what drew Saren there, and so Shepard followed, the rest of us tagging along because she inspired that kind of loyalty.

            "Now that planet is below freezing and like I said earlier barely habitable…."

            I laid out the mission, going into minute details, keeping her focus on anything but the pain that must be stabbing at her leg with ever step we took. It was worse because she had to drag it through snow that was shin deep. I started dragging my leg to make it easier for her, all the while I spoke of how they'd found a Rachni egg in deep space that was a result of the Rachni wars that happened long before I was born.

            I detailed the Krogan and their redundant organs. I spoke of how Salarians lived for about thirty years and the Asari that lived over ten human life spans. I told her about Turians and their way of life, promised to show her fighting styles. Told her how we took down Saren and the Geth and how they turned out to be controlled by Sovereign who was a flag ship for the reapers.

            How we defeated him on the Citadel and about how Relays worked. My story spiraled until we were talking about how humans were being abducted, how they had been chosen by the Reapers to bring forth another ship that was just like them. The process it took and the details Garrus gave me about the fight that happened through the Omega 4 Relay. I told her everything, laid it all on the table.

            That got us through three hours and my voice was hoarse to the point where I was rasping. The pain was getting to us both, made worse by the cold and we were losing feeling in our limbs.

            "C-can't you do anyth-thing?" She chittered at me, her jaw vibrating with the cold.

            "B-b-barrier." I held up my free hand and willed my biotics to surround us. "It will s-stop the s-snow but not the wind."

            It was a small reprieve but if we didn't catch up to them we weren't getting out of here. She sighed and I pushed myself to hold it up. By now our pants were mostly soaked and coated in ice that kept melting and refreezing in the extreme temperature.

            "H-how long c-can you ke-eep it up?"

            "N-not long-g." I could already feel it taxing my remaining stamina. "We better p-pick up the p-pace."

            We leaned into the wind. When a wolf howled in the distance I pushed the barrier a little farther and refocused on it.

            "Y-you're going to have to s-steer." I stated as I locked everything I had into the barrier. The last thing we needed was to get attacked by a wolf the size of a bear. The barrier held for another hour. When it released I almost collapsed in exhaustion.

            How far did they get?

            "C-come on." Ellana demanded as she shook my shoulder.

            "You go." I waved her, "You're important."

            "C-can't make it without you." Her jaw was still vibrating. "N-need crutch." She slapped my shoulder. "Up." Another demand, "Unless you can't." She forced authority into her tone and I almost laughed at her.

            "If Cullen can't order me, neither can you."

            She slapped me again and caught bare skin. My flesh started singing in pain and I shot to my feet.

            "That's it," Ellana sounded pleased. "Let's go."

            Another hour rolled by—or what _felt_ like an hour I could be totally wrong—and a small ray of hope lit in my heart. There was evidence of recent activity, a fire that had gone out but embers still burned.

            "We're close." Ellana sighed in relief. By now the snow and the wind stopped but the damage was done, we were frozen from head to toe. We moved with a stiffness that old people got when they sat too long. Joints were starting to act up and it was more of a wobble so we wouldn't have to move our knees.

            There was what looked like a small valley and as we rounded it someone started screaming for help. Cullen ran forward and caught both of us as we fell forward.

            "Aww…" I chirped in attempt to lighten the mood. "Look Curly she fell for you."

            Ellana slapped my arm and I let out a string of curses.         

            "Will you fucking stop that?!" I snarled as I cupped my hurt hand to the offended tender flesh. "It hurts."

            "You've been through worse." She shot back but she gave me a smile. "I wouldn't have made it without you."

            Blackwall showed up next and Cullen lifted Ellana while I was whisked away by the man with the magnificent beard.

            Orders were shouted and when I looked over at Cullen, Ellana was passed out in his arms.

            "Wuss." I growled as Blackwall drug me into a tent. She and Cullen did not follow us in. Seemed like we were getting different lodgings. I didn't care I just wanted a fucking blanket and to cuddle with _something for heat_. "So cold."

            "After what you been through I believe you're allowed." Blackwall chuckled, "Good of you to come back."

            "Course I came back." I shot, "Not gonna leave you guys to have all the fun." Someone entered the tent with buckets of water. Solas swept in moments later and when he looked at me the stupid flame danced. "Nuh." I shook my head, "Go help the Herald."

            "Ellana is being attended by both Vivienne and Dori-"

            "So send me Dorian and you go help Ellana." I growled glad that my jaw stopped doing its impression of an Irish jig. "You're the better healer, help _her_."

            " _Ma nuvenin._ " He whispered as he disappeared out of my line of sight.

            "Something happen between the two of you?" Blackwall asked quietly.

            "What makes you say that?" I was stripping out of my clothes when Dorian entered the tent.

            "Honestly woman," he growled when he looked at me, "do make up your mind, I cannot keep up with all of your mood swings."

            "Gotta keep you on your toes." I chuckled.

            "Maker your blue." Dorian slid close and pushed Blackwall out of the way. "You may leave now."

            "Right." Blackwall was pink as my small clothes hit the floor. Man was I glad that I wore them today. He vanished quickly and Dorian sighed.

            "Must you tempt all the men?"

            "Yup," I waved for one of the buckets. He dipped a hand in it and warmed it until it felt like fire against my skin. Logically I knew it wasn't _that_ warm but I was so cold it felt like it was melting my flesh off and searing my muscles down to the bone. "Not happy otherwise. All eyes on me."

            Dorian eyed me critically and yanked one of my hands toward him. He tittered about something but I wasn't paying attention because he was poking at prodding at my broken fingers and I wanted to whine at him.

            Magic flowed down his fingertips and into my fingers. I stiffened as the pain slammed into me. It felt like heat searing the bones together again under my muscle and epidermis. And then it slowly worked its way up until the flesh of my fingers were warmer than the rest of my body.

            "Crass woman." Dorian joked good naturedly. Slowly I dipped a cloth in and ran it over my skin until he deemed that was as warm as I was going to get without help. "Who do you want to cuddle?" He demanded.

            "'Mere you pretty Tevinter."

            "No," he shook his head. "I have to go check on our lovely Herald."

            "Right…" I nodded, she'd need more attention and the other two mages were probably sapped for mana right now and we didn't exactly have time to get lyrium potions. "Uh…. Send me…." I tossed my head back and forth. My choices were rather limited. Bull was out after threatening him and if I cuddled with Blackwall or Sera it would send the wrong impression. Cassandra was still probably hurt because the woman couldn't take help when it was smacking her in the face.

            Varric would be weird.

            "Krem." I stated. He was a safe bet, kind of. "Send me Krem."

            "Odd request." Dorian quirked an eyebrow, "Are you sure you don't want our resident hobo?"

            I nodded sharply, "Positive." My dark tone convinced him not to push the issue. "You have a tiny mage absolutely terrified by the way." He stopped in the entrance to the tent. "Get under the furs woman. Once you're nice and warm I'll send her your way, hmm? Don't need to scar the poor thing."

            "Thanks." I slipped under the furs that were laid out on the cot and pulled them up to my chin. It didn't help. It still felt like there was a draft of ice cold air running over my body. I didn't have enough heat to generate more by myself. Hence the reason Krem entered my tent.

            "Good day sir." I chittered at him, "Care to offer me some body heat?"

            "Why me?" He demanded.

            I stayed quiet for a moment. "You're safe and this way Bull doesn't have his man standing outside my tent because you're in here making sure I'm not doing anything crazy or stupid."

            Krem laughed, "How quick did you pick him out?"

            "Right about the time I left and he started scrambling for a horse." I smiled, "Might want to train him in covert ops a little better." I lifted the furs and wave him forward. "Come on man I'm fucking freezing."

            "You know that I am-"

            "Biologically a woman but you prefer to be referred to as a man yes now _get in here_." The one time I want to cuddle and I get a resistant man.

            He let out a sigh and shucked his armor as quick as he could, once he was in his small clothes he slid next to me and wrapped his arms around me. I let out a tiny moan and all but dry humped him in attempt to get closer.

            "So… warm…" I shoved my face between his neck and his shoulder and drifted off into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun with the arguing. If you can't tell by now I enjoy confrontation. I suck at lovey dovey stuff so... I try. I really do but mostly it's arguments. 
> 
> I'll work on it, promise.


	21. Hymns and Titles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas swooped in and saved the day. Mother humper I thought I was going to kiss him again.
> 
> "A word?" He popped up out of nowhere and directed his two word sentence—if it could be called that—at Ellana and they vanished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New update! Yay! 
> 
> Just know I take liberties in this chapter but... I didn't see how she couldn't be... well... I can't really say anything without spoilers.

I woke to the sound of a disappointed cough and a wet nose. Damp air crossed the bridge of my nose followed closely by a wet tongue. A paw pinned me to the bed and I squirmed underneath it.

            "Damn it Gypsy!" I groaned as I tucked her head into the crook of my arm and all but laid on top of her. "You're getting too big to do that."

            "Did you enjoy your nap?" My eyes snapped open and I sat straight up. A bitter wind sliced right through me and when I looked around I realized that I was sitting on a cot, in a tent and Leliana was standing in what passed as the door way.

            My nipples hardened and I let out a squeak, hands flashing down to find the edge of the furs. "Holy shit it's colder than a witch's tit out there." Yanking the furs up around my shoulders I sighed in contentment. Gypsy huddled behind me, half on half off my pillow.

            Leliana chuckled, "You are better than I could have hoped for. There is something we need to discuss, however it can wait until you are dressed." She eyed me cautiously, "When do you leave?"

            I snorted, "I was gone for half a day and you lost everything." I pushed Gypsy toward one end of the cot and snuggled down next to her. "You really think I'm leaving you lot alone again any time soon?"

            She gave me a knowing look, "Ellana speaks very highly of what you did." Leliana leaned down and picked something up off the floor. It was a skin filled with some kind of drink. She tossed it at me and my hand snatched it out of the air before retreating behind the covers again. "You told me you couldn't stop forces of nature."

            "I didn't." I uncorked the skin and tilted it against my lips. It burned so good on the way down but I came up sputtering for air. After my breath evened out I felt like a human again—well as far as the term goes—and I locked my gaze on Leliana's eyes. "What I did bought us enough time to get away. If I hadn't who knows what would have happened."

            "Ellana said that the two of you would be buried if you hadn't acted." Leliana stood, "Your uniform is waiting for you at the foot of your bed." I swiped out with my foot and indeed there was a set of folded something there. "Get dressed, a child has been eager to see you for some time."

            I slapped a hand to my face. Amara. Last I'd seen her she'd been covered in blood, pale as fuck and had a healthy scar that would one day add allure to her features. Right now it was just jagged and angry. Luckily it was not as bad as it could have been. Only the tip of the sword got her, if I hadn't though… she'd have been cut in half.

            Flinging the furs from my body I quickly got dressed in my armor and found a fur lined cloak. Leave it to Josephine to be ready for anything, though I don't think she was expecting for the forces to be locked out in a mountain during the onset of winter.

            Did we even have food? How much, exactly, had Josie and Leliana manage to cart out during our rushed evacuation? Leliana was… well Leliana. She was like a boy scout, not to mention _Cullen_. Surely we had provisions to last us until…

            Where were we going to go? We had nowhere, the base of operations was gone. First the Temple itself and then the town that guarded it for so long. Damn it all to hell and back what were we going to fucking do?

            Gypsy bounded around me as I flipped the tent open and strode out. My gaze drifted over everything and I caught sight of a few familiar faces. Varric and some of the others were huddled around one fire; they were playing a round of cards though I didn't see any gold.

            "Blue surrounds and yet it does not do as it is told." A boy like voice sounded off behind me, "Green is worse, dreaming as her. Emily…"

            I spun and saw a young man, a teen, standing before me in barely any clothing. His shirt was thin and he wore a broad hat. His nose was red and his hair clung close to him, blond like sunflowers.

            "How did you…?" I hissed as Gypsy growled while she circled him, nose at the edge of his pants. "Who are you?" A demand slipped quietly past my lips. I was going to kill Solas, how _dare_ he.

            "Dreams, muffled and quiet. You want to strangle them, to kill them." He sounded sad, "But it won't help, Emily is you and you are Nitana." Man if my eyelids could get wider I would go blind. "And she is you."

            "Who is me?" I whispered as I stepped closer, Gypsy sat quietly at his feet. Her tongue lolling to the side as she panted.

            "She keeps the Hearth." He tilted his face and I got a better look. Watery blue eyes shone as bright as sapphires. "She wants to hurt you, but she can't. She isn't whole anymore. Souls twine around each other, one needs the other. Or is it both?"

            I doubled over, panic clawing at the edges of my mind. What was he talking about? No one in my life or recollection had kept any _hearth_. I hadn't been domestic since Emily and I barely did anything of the sort. He wasn't talking about any of my identities.

            He was talking about the flame.

            "I'm sorry!" He rushed forward, "I wanted to help but it twisted. I made it worse."

            "Cole." A gentle voice came drifting past us. My head jerked up and Cole spun around as if he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

            "I wanted to help."

            "I know Cole," Solas' voice was calming as he approached us. "The situation is difficult, not something easily healed."

            "You," I snarled as I stood straight and advanced. Gypsy growled and stood between Cole and Solas. "You _knew_ and you're keeping secrets from me. Again!"

            "It isn't his fault!" Cole exclaimed, "He's trying to help. _Keep my distance, she won't be in pain_."

            I flipped around to look at the teen. "What _are_ you?"

            He rustled his shoulders under my gaze and then he _vanished_. No foot prints in the snow, no ducking into shadows. He was just gone.

            "Wonderful." I started past Solas. Amara had been waiting long enough and not to mention I needed to find Cullen and thank him. Not only had he kept the kid safe, but he'd—hopefully—taken care of Bread too.

            Damn it!

            All this thanking and I forgot to give Solas his shirt back. I owed him a whole outfit. Damn it.

            "Luna!"

            Something small and waist high slammed into me. Gypsy barked and pranced around the two of us, snow kicking up under her feet.

            "Amara." I breathed as I sank down, my hands finding the edges of her face. Her eyes were full of tears and I passed a thumb under one eyes. "I promised I would be back." I tracked the scar across her face. Someone had healed it again. It had a darker hue to it, barely darker. The skin was no longer puckered but smooth. The scar ran diagonal across her eye brow. How it missed her eye I didn't know. Her skin was its normal healthy ebony color.

            "I didn't believe you."

            "Oh," I pulled her close and gave her a hug. "I told you it's okay to doubt, to not believe. It is my fault and I'm going to make up for that."

            Fiona appeared behind her. "Amara!" She sounded tired and a tad angry, "Miss Luna needs to get her rest, she will-" her blue eyes found mine and her lips rounded in an 'o'. "Forgive me Luna, she is a willful child."

            "Yes," I laughed. "Don't worry, I don't mind." I stood and Amara practically bounced in place.

            "Come Amara, let us give Luna some peace."

            "I can watch her." Amara tucked her hand into mine and Gypsy bumped her hip against the child.

            "I appreciate your willingness but-"

            I held up a hand, "Where were you during the battle?" My gaze was steel and I glared at her.

            "Excuse me?"

            "Where was your concern for her when there was a battle raging?" I demanded again, "Because she almost _died_." I pointed a finger at her, "If Amara wants to be here I am not going to stop her. You have no say either, you are not the girl's guardian and she is a free mage."

            "She is hardly a mage Miss-"

            "You said that she wouldn't hurt me." I lifted my chin, "And there are others in the Inquisition that can teach her besides those that came with you."

            Gypsy was picking up on my aggression. Her snout was dropped low and her hackles were rising. She had herself planted between Amara and Fiona. Defensive little pup… training. She needed training.

            "Shall we leave it up to the child?" Fiona asked, holding her hand out confidently. I wasn't so sure about her chances, but I wasn't sure of mine either. Amara would probably be better off with them but if she didn't want to go, if she was an orphan? Damn me and my bleeding heart but I wasn't going to let someone bigger than her push her around. "Amara, come."

            Black tresses hid behind my leg and arms wrapped around my thigh. Fiona's face pinched slightly and she raised her voice, "Amara."

            "She's made her decision." My voice was deadly quiet, "I'll ask you to leave now."

            There was a look of indecision on her face and all she said was, "I will speak to the Herald about this."

            "You do that." I snapped as she walked away.

            Amara was shivering behind me and I sighed as I stooped down to pick her up. Gently I maneuvered the both of us until we were wrapped in my cloak.

            "You won't let them take me?"

            "Not if you don't want to go." I assured as I swiped another tear off her cheek.

            "They can make you." Her voice was small.

            "Oh, no." I laughed quietly and without mirth. "No one can make me do anything anymore." Her little eyes went wide and she laid her head on my shoulder. She hid a yawn behind a tiny fist. "Tired?"

            She mumbled something that sounded vaguely like 'yeah' into my shirt and wiggled a little. I laughed and turned back toward my tent. I didn't have anywhere else for her to sleep and I wasn't going to send her back where she didn't want to go.

            Oh god, had I just _kidnapped_ a kid?

            God damn it!

            Quickly I jogged until my tent came into view. Once I was inside I set the now sleeping child down on the cot and flicked the furs over her. "Up Gypsy." I commanded and the wolf jumped up onto the cot and laid with her snout over Amara's side. "Stay." I held out my hands repeating the same command several times as I backed away slowly.

            Free of the tent and confident that Gypsy would keep her safe I went in search of Cullen.

            Varric stopped me. "There you are!" He called as he struggled through the snow drift. "Damned winter."

            "Varric." I called distracted, "Have you seen Cullen?"

            "Curly?" I stopped next to him, "He's in an argument with the others."

            "Others?" My brow rose of its own accord.

            "Ruffles, Seeker and Nightingale." Varric rubbed a hand across the side of his face. "We're in trouble Ghost."

            No longer distracted I gazed at him, "How much trouble?"

            "There isn't enough food to go around and hardly enough blankets. We have soldiers and scouts and civilians all mixed together and no one leading this rag tag band of misfits."

            "Ellana." I stated, "She's leading us."

            "Ellana is busy trying to get Curly and the others to stop arguing."

            "There are five of them." I dead panned. "You're telling me that between the _five_ of them no one has pulled their head out of their asses and set off someone to go hunt down food?"

            "That is exactly what I'm saying."

            I nodded, "Right, give me five and I'll take care of it." I pointed at him as I jogged away from him. "Find me Sera and… Dalish!" She was a mage claiming to be an archer.

            "Why?"

            "Just do it!"

            I wove through the scattered tents as quickly as I could. Someone needed to know that I kidnapped a child before the mages went crazy with 'we saved your asses' crap. Needy backstabbing mages.

            The sound of their arguing filtered through to my ears before I caught sight of them. They stood around a table with a map of Thedas pinned to it. There were no markers as there had been before and all of them looked bone tired.

            "What would you have me tell them?" Cullen demanded, "This isn't what we asked of them."

            "We simply can't ignore this." Cassandra argued back, "We must find a way."

            "And who put you in charge?" Cullen all but snarled. "We need a consensus or we have nothing."

            "Please, we must use reason." Josephine stepped between the two of them, Leliana standing beside her. "Without the infrastructure of the Inquisition we're hobbled."

            "That can't come from nowhere." Cullen's voice still carried the edge that it did when he addressed Cassandra.

            "She didn't say it could." Leliana shot at him. I stood off a distance, watching them fight. Sometimes things like this came in useful.

            "Enough!" Cassandra threw out her hands.

            Ellana stepped up next to me. "They've been at it for hours."

            "We don't have the luxury of fighting." I growled, "Half of our people are freezing, the other half are starving."

            Ellana placed a hand on my shoulder, "You came through for me when I thought I was dying, perhaps you can help here."

            I pressed the heel of my hand into my eye. "I can't be a Band-Aid that holds everything together."

            "No one person can, but we have to do what we are able to do." Ellana sighed, "I'm sorry."

            My head jerked up, "What?"

            She gave me an unamused look, "You heard me perfectly, despite the racket they're making." I gave her a grin. "I shouldn't have treated you like that. It was just…"

            "I know." I patted her arm awkwardly, "I'm scary."

            She snorted in my direction and opened her mouth but Mother Giselle beat her to the punch. "Herald, may I have a word?"

            Damn it. With her distracted I was going to have to slap some sense into our magnanimous leaders. Metaphorically because Cassandra looked stabby and I wasn't going to have someone patching up a gut wound because I hit her first.

            I could pick my battles.

            "Oy!" I shouted as I jogged forward, "You're doing this _now_?" I waved a hand around, "Where your soldiers and scouts can hear you?"

            "Luna this does not-"

            "The hell it doesn't!" I snapped at Leliana, "I would ask for permission to speak freely but I'm afraid you wouldn't let me so hush!" Her eyes narrowed and I was going to be doing something unpleasant for my next assignment, if I got to keep my job at all. "Look at them," my hand swept outward to indicate the camp. "They are cold, they are hungry and they are _frightened_." My voice was heavy on the last word, "They are-" I broke off and looked around me. Several of them were standing and looking at something behind me. "Singing."

            What the actual fuck was happening? Oh my god. They were _singing a fucking hymn._ I flipped around to look behind me for whatever they were _singing_ at and holy shit it was-

            "Ellana." I whispered as humans and others that followed the Andrastian faith stepped past me. "Oh my fucking god she is never living this down." They were treating her like a living relic and her face was redder than a cherry.

            I stood and listened as they sang a very beautiful song, their voices lifting up to their Maker and I kept my peace. This was their religion and I was an outsider, I would offer no words of doubt, how could I? Just because I had a different perspective. Andraste certainly lived, who was I to cast doubt if she was the bride of the maker or a powerful mage who spoke to a spirit? Did it matter either way? She had united a large portion of Thedas under her name and it was more than anyone else had managed to do.

            Maybe she would unite them again, now under Ellana. If she was, or was not, touched by Andraste they believed she was. It was evident in the way they knelt before her and sang until their very souls were laid bare for the young elf girl to see. She was who the people chose to save them, and _she_ chose it too when she laid down her life in Haven.

            Ellana looked at me, her eyes wide. I shook my head. "You deserve this." I mouthed at her.

            The crowd parted and one of the people kneeling ushered me forward.

            "Uh no…" I tried to back pedal and get out but one of them gripped my arm and I found myself standing next to Ellana. We stood in the middle of a sea of people. All of them kneeling before us as if we were divine creatures. "Excuse me," I tried to move past them but none of them made way for me. "I don't belong here."

            There was an amused chuckle and when I turned Mother Giselle was standing behind us. How did she manage that? There was no path!

            "None of us have forgotten how you raced to ze Herald's side." Her voice was gentle and full of grace. "You, who left us returned in our hour of need, stood beside ze Herald of Andraste and bore her back to us." Mother Giselle turned to look out at the people around us, "Have you not heard zheir whispers?" Her soft gaze drifted back to mine, "Ze Chantry will likely acknowledge you long after your death, but here ze people are claiming you are an Anointed."

            "That sounds like it has a capital 'a'." I gasped. My heart was hammering. No spot light, I didn't want it. I was a wild card, not held to their natural flow of time. I was an anomaly and things weren't going to go the way they were meant to. I couldn't be here, right now. I had to hide, to-

            Mother Giselle placed a hand to the side of my face, "Oh child." Her tone called me back, "It is a rare honor, given to very few. The Anointed are ze hands of ze Maker himself, surely he has sent you to guide his Bride's Chosen through the world."

            Ellana covered a snort with her hand. I gave her a dirty look and smacked her arm.

            "You may not believe." Mother Giselle continued, "But please, for their sake, do not dissuade zheir faith. For it is all we have at times."

            I was going to vomit.

            Solas swooped in and saved the day. Mother humper I thought I was going to kiss him again.

            "A word?" He popped up out of nowhere and directed his two word sentence—if it could be called that—at Ellana and they vanished, leaving me in the midst of a bunch of fanatics. Oh god I was going to be vilified shortly. They would make my ears round in centuries to come and they'd take away my boobs. I was going to be the next Shartan.

            Fuck me. I couldn't make waves this big! How long was I even going to be here anyway? Until I died and then I'd be whisked away to another universe, pulling anything near me through the portal with me.

            Damn it.

            "Luna." Leliana gripped my arm tightly and half dragged me away from the people that were just starting to stand. Grateful for the distraction I twisted until I was almost pressed against her back.

            "Don't let them ever do that again." I hissed as she drug me over to the others that she had been arguing with moments ago. "That was-" I snapped my jaw shut as I gazed at the four Andrastians that had probably sung the hymn with everyone else. "Where was I?"

            "I believe you were about to tell us to do something unpleasant."

            My brain was fried. Humans, _mostly_ , sang at me like I was a reincarnation of… "Sorry I'm a little scattered but…." What was I here for? That's right! I snapped my fingers, "Food! We need food. Many of those on the outskirts of camp don't have food and there aren't enough blankets to go around." I pointed at Cullen, "I kidnapped a kid from the mages because she didn't want to go back. Fiona said she was going to talk to the Herald about this but… after what just happened I don't see that happening at _all_ and-"

            Leliana pinched my arm, "We are aware-"

            "Ghost!" Varric strode forward with a huge smile on his face, "That scene is going to be a tear jerker."

            "You wouldn't." I gasped, mortified. "Varric please-"

            "It's going to write itself." My head dropped and he patted my shoulder. "I brought you Sera and Dalish as you asked. Odd combo, what are your plans?"

            "Send them to get food. Rabbits, nugs, foxes, deer, halla-" I pointed at Dalish when she opened her mouth, "I bet your ancestors at the shit out of them so don't get on a high horse with me. Only the old ones at the edges of the herds, you hear me? We can't damage the ecosystem here or it might never recover. Anything you can get give it to whoever can strip the hide or cook. Have them cure the skins, use a mage if necessary to speed up the process. Get our people food and get them warm."

            My gaze was drawn to a single torch in the distance, its blaze glowing blue instead of it's normal hue. It was strange enough that I was going to investigate.

            Right after I faced the music of my actions.

            "I am ready for my punishment." My body fell into an easy parade rest and my chin was tilted slightly up. Cullen and Leliana stared at me as if I'd lost my mind.

            "Luna," Leliana hissed as she jerked my arms away from their resting place. "We are no longer in charge of you."

            Cullen shot Leliana a glance, "What?"

            "The people have started to call her Anointed," Leliana growled, "The Hand of the Maker. She cannot be seen taking orders from us or anyone else." Her eyes were slits when they turned to me, "You cannot work for us anymore."

            "What!" I exclaimed, "That's bullshit! It's the whole reason I came back!"

            "I said 'for' us, not 'with' us." Leliana clarified. "You are of equal, if not greater rank, than Cassandra and I."

            "So…?" I looked around, "What does that mean?"

            Josephine cleared her throat and stepped forward, "It means that you wield quite a bit of power Luna, enough that we can use your deeds in favor of the Inquisition. In rebuilding." She looked at the other three gathered with us, "If you desire to remain, of course."

            "I kind of fucking have to now don't I?"

            "Oh dear," Josephine placed a hand against her face. "We have quite a bit of work ahead of us." She shared a look with Leliana. Dread coursed through my stomach.

            "What was this about a child?" Cullen demanded and I was grateful for the distraction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anointed is a real thing according to the Wiki for the Andrastian faith.
> 
> Hope you guys are enjoying my MGiT twisted story. Thank you for reading!


	22. I Learned Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You are being childish-"  
> "YUP." I interrupted again as I stomped back toward Bread to rifle through my bags again. She seriously had to have taken pity on me.  
> "What are you looking for?" He demanded as his fingers wrapped around my wrist and pulled me to face him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, this chapter is going up early morning before work. Super busy lately and I'm sorry for not posting in basically a week. You guys are awesome and I love the comments, every time I see a notification in my email it makes me glow. Loving the kudos!
> 
> Oh, because this is a quick early morning post I didn't have time to edit and chapter 22 and 23 were mushed together because 22 was 3 pages and I have no idea how that happened.... so longer than normal post! 
> 
> Enjoy!

I slumped against the pole of my tent. The furs had been taken out on my orders and Amara and Gypsy were now huddled in my bed roll. Bread was staked outside. There had been an ugly argument about what to do with Amara but when I threatened to leave with the girl Cullen overrode Fiona's voice and declared that the child would chose her guardian and that was that.

            Amara chose me and now I was… a mom? A crazy Aunt? The bad influence big sister? I didn't know but I knew that I was now responsible for a tiny human child and holy shit was that a terrifying thought.

            Then there was Cole, who was drawn to my very presence. And _despite_ my prodding he refused to say anything about the hearth keeper rogue soul inside of my body.

            "Ask Solas." Was all he said when he popped up, followed quickly by, "I want to help the hurt but I can't. Solas can."

            Which meant I needed to have _another_ lovely chat with Solas so I could get info for Dorian and we could move forward on project Free-Luna-From-Crazy-Hearth-Girl's-Grasp. Long name, perhaps I needed to shorten it. FLFCHGG? Nope, didn't spell anything. Maybe just Liberate Moon?

            Fuck me but this was getting complicated. Apparently I had an aid now. Guess who they gave me? That's right, _Roland_. The coffee fetching scout. I was glad he survived but I wasn't sure I needed an _aid_.

            Josephine insisted that he would be invaluable. Not to mention that I had a _maid_ now too. One specifically assigned to me. Ellana had one, and _no_ I did not know she had a maid because she would never live it down.

            "No!" I snapped as the flap to my tent opened, "Amara is still sleeping and so help me-" I broke off. "Oh," sighing I stood, "sorry 'bout that." Cracking my neck I followed her out of the tent.

            "I need your opinion." Ellana whispered as she pulled me to the side. We should probably be doing this indoors somewhere where no one could spy on us. Primarily Bull.

            "I see you!" I shouted as I pointed at the man Bull set one me. "Get a disguise you idiot!"

            "Marcus!" Bull barked, "Damn it man I told you it was off!"

            "God damned right it's off you crazy Qunari!"

            "Luna." Ellana snapped her finger in front of my face, "Focus, please."

            "Right." I nodded, "You have my attention."

            "Solas said the orb is Elvhen." One brow rose and I waited.

            And waited.

            "And?" I asked when it became apparent she wasn't going to elaborate.

            "And how will it look when they found out that it's Elvhen. The Humans will blame us and it might start another war!"

            "I'm going to kill that man I swear…" I sighed and hung my head. After three deep breaths I looked up and placed both hands on Ellana's shoulders. "You are aware that the two of us are being exalted at this _very_ moment right? They think we've come back from the dead and I'm the Hand of the Maker. You _heard_ Mother Giselle."

            "Luna I'm not worried about us," She used one hand to swipe my hands off of her. "I'm worried about our people."

            _Our_? She knows exactly what I am. I was not one of her _people_. "Do you think they are going to harm anyone _right_ _now_?" I sighed, "We have to deal with one problem at a time. If word gets out that the artifact is Elvhen what are you to do? It was lost to time and some crazy ancient Magister found it, we didn't lead him to it with giant signs asking him to go bananas."

            "Luna, you don't understand." She pleaded and I forced myself to actually _listen_ to her concerns. "There was an Exalted March against the Dales because the humans didn't like our religion and how we chose to live. What will they do to us if they find out our people are the cause of their strife, even indirectly?"

            "Nothing." I promised. "Even if I have to step in and lay waste to the world I will not let them blame the Elves for something they didn't do."

            "Luna?" A small voice called out to me, "I had a nightmare." An even smaller hand found mine and she tugged, "Will you tell me a story?"

            Leaning down I scooped her up, "Amara can you give me just one second while I finish talking to the Herald?" Amara yawned and nodded at me. She squiggled until I set her down before vanishing back into the tent.

            "Look, Solas is…" I struggled for the right word. "Very knowledgeable when it comes to the veil." Not quite right but… "Judging people's reactions to current events?" I held a hand up parallel to the ground and tilted it back and forth, "Not so much. Don't let him get you worked up over things that haven't happened yet, okay?"

            "You have a child?" Ellana asked, her eyes glued to the spot where Amara vanished.

            "Yeah, alright apparently I am a collector of lost and broken things but…" I shrugged, "life?"

            Ellana laughed, "I can't even with you. First it's the horse, then the pup, now the girl? What are you coming home with next?"

            I wiggled my eyebrows, "Hopefully a set of handsome men for the two of us." Ellana smiled and sighed. I caught the direction of her gaze and a grin slipped across my face. Oh Curly be still my beating heart….

            "I wouldn't be here without you," her gaze was soft, "you know that right?" I jerked my attention to the present instead of my schemes.

            "Let's not stroke my ego any more than we have to, yeah?"

            Sera slammed into me, "Meats been chopped and diced, what next?"

            "Cook it." Ellana sighed in expiration, "And don't mess with it!"

            Sera shoved off and I almost fell over, I hooked a foot around hers and pulled. She _did_ fall over. "I won't, yeah?" She laughed as she stood up, "It's for the little people." Sera lightly slugged my arm and I glared at her, "Didn't know you had it in you Moony."

            "Now see… I said that wasn't becoming a thing."

            "We could go with Nointy."

            Ellana covered a snort with a fisted hand.

            "I have a story to tell to Amara." I held up both hands, "I have no comment."

            "What about Annie?" She called after my quickly retreating form. "OR we could call you Boo!"  
            "NO!" I shouted before I disappeared into the tent. Amara was already asleep with Gypsy half on top of her.

            Sighing I slipped down onto the ground and used my pack as a pillow. Damn but I needed some sleep.

 

I woke up with a gentle gasp and parts of me absolutely throbbing, my heart was racing and it felt like I needed something desperately. What the hell had happened? Last thing I remembered was Desire offering me….

            "Oh no." I stood and left the tent. "Hearth Keeper?" I hissed as I strode around the quiet camp. The little flame gave a flicker of acknowledgement. I sagged where I stood and let my breath explode from my lungs.

            I hadn't made a deal with the proverbial devil to get rid of the stupid spirit. I was still working up the nerve to talk to Solas. Cole was very insistent that I get help from him, because they were butt buddies or something.

            "Oh good." Did it have to be _her_? "You're awake."

            "Vivienne." I turned and smiled at her. This woman was a viper, what Ellana saw in her I would never, _ever_ know. "How can I assist you?"

            "I would like to offer my services." Vivienne crossed her arms, one hip slipping outward slightly. "Many of the other mages have been approached, I am a tool of the Inquisition yet my talents are not being applied."

            "And you are coming to me about this because…?"

            "People see you as a leader darling."

            "And you want to be seen next to me." I deduced.

            She gave a delighted laugh, "Oh darling, there is plenty of time for that. We have to get out of the forest first."

            "Right." I nodded, "Your talents are not… what the people need directly right now." Glancing around I realized something, "Talk to Josephine." There was a glint in her eye and a slight nod of approval. Why did that make me happy? "Find out if there are any nobles sympathetic to our cause in Orlais and then you go to work securing anything they might offer to us."

            "Anything?" Vivienne asked.

            "Within in reason." I declared, "Don't go asking for land, we have a destination in mind."

            "Oh?" She seemed very eager for information now. What would it hurt? She'd find out soon enough.

            "We are headed for an abandoned fortress in the mountains. We'll need resources to get the place cleaned up and fortified again." I shook my head, "We have no idea the state it is in but Solas has promised that it has no owner and will be perfect for our cause."

            Yes, it rankled but Solas was our saving grace again. It was striking me as odd that every time we had a need, a _severe_ need he had a solution.

            "And how does the… hobo know of this locale?"

            "He dreamed it." I winced, it didn't sound plausible to me but… I wasn't a dream walker or… a Somniari, whatever Tevinter called it.

            "How interesting." Vivienne lifted one of her magnificent brows at me, "You have surprised me, Anointed." Oh no, it was becoming a thing. "We will be fast friends, I'm sure of it."

            Yup, woman was a viper. What's worse? She wanted to _cuddle_.

            I made my rounds around camp, looking for anything that needed done. They may call me Anointed and blessed but I didn't see myself as any of those things. I was here for a purpose and damn it if we weren't all getting out of here.

            Tonight we'd rest. Tomorrow?

            Tomorrow we were going to march through the wilderness, hidden by the slopes of the unforgiving mountains. We would find this Skyhold, and the Herald would lead us there.

 

Turns out it wasn't as easy as _marching_. Everyone had a problem. The wagon wheel on one of our main supply wagons busted, and an axel gave out on another. Ellana slowly rubbed her temples and glared at the offending items.

            "I can fix it." Blackwall stated quietly behind my shoulder. I stood slightly behind Ellana so I wasn't sure she heard.

            "You say something Blackwall?" I spun to look at him. It was _bright_. The sun bounced off of the snow and made everything glow. It was like a winter wonderland from Hell.

            Blackwall's cheeks were pink from the cold and so was the tips of his ears and nose. He gave me a nod, "I can fix it." Same words, same gruff tone spoken just as quietly.

            "Ellana," I waved behind me with a hand in search of her. "We have a Hero among us."

            My hand found her sleeve and I tugged. She came stumbling into view and when I looked at her she was glaring at me.

            "What?" She snapped, neither of us had had much sleep recently. She was running interference between the Advisors and I was running myself ragged making sure that the people had food and blankets or furs.

            Today she was supposed to scout ahead with Solas, looking for Skyhold. We'd been on this same mountain path for the last four days and he was convinced that it was close. No, I had not found the time to talk to him about the spirit. I didn't have the heart to yell at him only to walk away feeling worse than before because he was so damned tight lipped about his past.

            Fucking men and their silent b.s.. I gripped the bridge of my nose and sucked in a lung full of cold air.

            "Blackwall can fix the wagons."

            Ellana moved from beside me, when I looked at her she was staring at Blackwall like he was her knight in shining armor. "You can?"

            "It is a simple woodworking fix." He scratched the back of his hand, "It'll take me a few hours but-"

            "Done!" Ellana gasped, "Fix the wagons and I'll be grateful."

            "She still won't let you win at cards."

            "As long as I'm not playing Diamond Back with Solas…" He trailed off and strode toward the wagons.

            Ellana sighed and looked at me, "Seems like everything is working out."

            I nodded, "You should get going." I hiked a thumb over my shoulder, "We need to know how far out we are from the fortress. The men are getting tired and the civilians need an easy route to the nearest village."

            She gave me a look, "Why aren't you going with Solas?" There was a tone in her voice that I didn't care for. "Everyone sees the way you look at each other-"

            "I _do not_ look at him in any way-"

            "You do." Ellana cut me off and gave me that _look_. The one that said she read through my bullshit. "And so does he." She spoke softer, "The two of you could use the alone time-"

            "And what about Amara?" I sighed, "I can't just-"

            "Varric has already offered to look after her, as well as Blackwall—he is oddly good with kids." She stared at the man that was currently pulling the wagon wheel off. "I caught him telling stories about Gray Wardens to the children last night around the fire." She trailed off and shook her head to reorganize her thoughts, "Not to mention that Bella is going to be looking after her." Bella was my assigned maid. Apparently I had been _wrong_ when I thought she was my servant. She was assigned to me to assist in looking after Amara because my duties did not allow for constant supervision of the child. Thoughtful bunch. Either that or they didn't see me as a parental figure. Which… I could hardly blame them. Whore and bullshit had been added to her vocabulary. I really needed to talk to her about those…

            "Well, that's nice and all but I have to-"

            "Get ready to scout with Solas." Ellana finished firmly. "Amara will be looked after, as well as Gypsy. Your horse and Solas' horse are the fastest we have in the Inquisition right now. My own little mare can't keep up with his."

            "That's low." I growled, "You could just take Bread."

            "He _bit_ the Commander when you pawned him off last time."

            Oh shit… "He did?"

            "Yes!" Ellana threw her hands into the air, "We barely got him out alive according to Leliana. Just…" she pinched the bridge of her nose, "go. Okay? Just scout ahead, that's all I ask."

            Ellana was the only one that could kind of give me orders at the moment. Leliana and Cassandra were… lord it was weird to say but we were on the same level now that I had 'brought Ellana and myself back from the dead' and the people labeled me Anointed.

            That was why I was running myself ragged instead of just standing at the edge of camp keeping watch. Fuck me, right?

            "Fine." I snapped. It would probably be the perfect opportunity to- "Hey…" It was an off chance but I needed to ask. "So I don't know as much about Thedas history as a native does…. Are there any historical figures that were known as a Hearth Keeper?"

            Ellana gave me a funny look, "That's an odd question."

            "Just something that Cole mentioned in passing and it's been bugging me ever since." I shrugged and tried to play innocent. Ellana looked like she was about to call me on my shit when she shook her head and gave a sigh.

            "I don't know much about the Human's history, you'll have to ask one of them. But in Elvhen culture one of our Goddesses, Sylaise, was known as the Heartkeeper. A healer, in simple terms…" Ellana kept talking but I seemed to have lost my hearing. There was a high pitched ringing sound and it was getting difficult to breathe.

            Goddess? Surely my luck couldn't be _that_ bad. Honestly it couldn't. Solas wasn't that old and according to Merrill they had all been locked away by Fen'Harel for shits and giggles. No, it couldn't be Sylaise. Solas knew her and the flame knew Solas. It had to have been someone that was human. Had to have been, there was no other logical explanation. That's right, I was following logic.

            "Luna…" Ellana called, her voice stretching out my name. I blinked a couple times and found that she was waving a hand back and forth in front of my face. "You went somewhere?"

            "Sorry, I…" I paused, lies on the tip of my tongue. "Not sure what happened there." Because I wasn't. There was no way I had a Goddess inside of me.

            What was it that Cole said? She wasn't _whole anymore_?

            Nope, it wasn't a Goddess.

 

Amara stood in front of me, her lower lip poking out farther than her top and her chin wobbling. I watched her apprehensively. This was the face she made last time she was about to cry and I'd been in charge of her for all of half a week but damn it was it difficult to say no.

            "Amara…" I sighed and knelt down, "You already had two sweet cakes." Her chin wobbled harder at me. "No." My voice was less than firm. "Look, just because I'm scouting with Solas-" he was standing right behind me, "-doesn't mean that you get to have more sweet cakes."

            Where the child had found sweets while we were marching up a fucking _mountain_ was beyond me. But she did. And she ate four yesterday before I caught her. She was a demon when she was rolling on a sugar high. I was not going to set her loose on poor Varric and Blackwall like that.

            "You don't even like him!" Her voice was shrill and she shook her head, "Why are you always leaving?"

            "We talked about this kiddo." I whispered as I stretched out a hand to pull her closer. "I have a job to do, one that no one else can do so I can't have someone else go for me. I'll be gone for a day, two at most. Okay?"

            "'kay." Her voice was small and she twisted her torso back and forth while giving me the puppy eyes.

            "Fine." I growled without heat, "One more cake and then off to bed!"

            "You are going to spoil her." Solas stated behind me.

            I twisted my head until I could glare out of one eye at him, "I will spoil her if I fucking want too."

            Amara giggled and I sighed again. "I remember." She intoned, "Don't say that word."

            "Good kid." I stood and patted her head. "Now, remember Gypsy doesn't like it when you pull her tail, so don't do it, right?" She nodded sharply with a grin on her face. "And what are we going to do after the cake?"

            "Bed!"

            "Yes, and don't give either of them a hard time." She nodded sharply at me again. "Good, now go on, I'll find you when we get back."

            She dashed forward and wrapped her arms around my waist. "Promise?"

            "Do you doubt me?"

            "No." There was no way I fixed the damage I'd done in a few days. She still doubted, but was willing to trust me when I said I'd come back. It would take time but I'd repair what I'd done and get her to believe in people again. Teach her that not all good things vanish.

            "Good, and when we get to where we are going we will play dollies." Amara clapped her hands several times. Gypsy trotted toward us, panting happily. "And you." I pointed at my little wolf, "Watch over her and be _good_."

            Gypsy barked at me before dropping into a play bow and wiggling her butt. Amara let out a squeal of delight and tackled Gypsy. The two of them rolled around on the floor before the wolf pinned the child and covered her face in licks. Varric let out a chuckle as he watched from a distance.

            "Oh man what have I talked myself into?" I sighed as I spun to Bread. Solas was already mounted. I didn't say anything to him as I stuffed my foot into the stirrup. Bread pranced sideways in anticipation. "Don't even think about-"

            He bolted and I scrambled to get my other foot over the saddle and into the stirrup. The world bobbed sharply for a moment before I found my seat. My fingers tangled in the reins and I pulled him back.

            "It." I finished lamely. "Why, why do you _always_ do that?"

            Bread paws at the ground, eager to go. I could feel his pent up energy and tense muscles. If I gave him his head he'd take it and run until we were both breathing hard. Unlucky for him, we had Solas tagging along because we needed him to guide us to Skyhold.

            I refused to look at him. Beyond mad, or even livid, was what I was with that elf. He was… ugh. He _knew_ who this spirit was. And she was _learning!_ The only thing that had held me back from knowing her identity was she couldn't speak and Ellana was mad at me.

            Holy cow how had I not thought that I could go to Ellana for the translation? We were friends again, kind of. I saved her life and she was nicer to me. We were probably going to be forced together quickly because of our titles. I could use that to my advantage.

            Now… if I could only remember the Elvhen that Solas spoke to the flame…

            Maybe I could get her out before she learned enough to be… well strong enough to take over. I was getting really sick and tired of being on my guard constantly and the horrible sleep that came with it, despite Solas guiding my dreams.

            Yes, he was still doing that and as angry as I was at him… I was also grateful for the reprieve from the silent nightmares. Despite the fact that I gave him the mother of all black eyes, he kept my dreams free and clear. Going out of his way to do so because he had to _locate_ me in the fade and I was almost never in the same place twice.

            Ugh, see I was doing that thing again where I thought of all the nice things he was/had doing/done and I was losing focus on what mattered in this moment. Solas was a liar and a fat mouth who was refusing to help me with the _one_ thing I needed help with most.

            The flame. It was getting harder to distinguish what was me and what was her. I didn't know if she was rifling through my memories in a skewed attempt at another hostile takeover or if she was just hiding in the background. Watching, waiting.

            And I gave myself the willies thinking about that. Slowly I pried my mind away from my inner thoughts and focused on what was in front of me.

            Which was snow, and trees. Mostly snow though. Everything was covered in the white stuff and I wasn't convinced I liked it anymore. Snow was great, in small doses. When I could get in my ship and fly _away_ from it, or go inside and hide under a blanket over the heater vent.

            There was no heater vent here. And while I don't easily get cold… I'd recently walked through a blizzard and was on strike from snow.

            I huddled over and pulled the edges of my cloak closer. I liked to sleep cold, not wander cold. Huge difference.

            Solas sighed behind me and there was an increase of his horse's hoof beats. I glanced up to see him leaning over for the reins to _my_ horse. Yanking on them I had Bread side stepping while I glared at Solas.

            "What are you doing?" I probably sounded politer than I felt in that moment.

            "Will you simply allow me to assist?"

            "Oh, _now_ you want to assist?" I was sounding less polite. "Because I have been asking, ever so sweetly, for your help and you've been ignoring me."

            "It is complicated."

            "Well make it uncomplicated!" My voice carried a little farther than I wanted it too and I was glad that we'd traveled farther from camp than I anticipated. Judging from the position of the sun we had been traveling for at least four hours.

            Solas set his jaw and glared at me. Glared at _me_. Like I'd done something wrong.

            "You would refuse even the smallest help, wouldn't you?"

            "On the contrary, I want your help." I shot back, yanking on the reins again when Bread made to bolt. Multitasking. Yelling at one, keeping the other in check. Oh yeah. "Who is the hearth keeper?" Yup, I was mad and my reservations went out the window.

            He stiffened and his eyes darted around. Oh he knew something. I mean… I _knew_ he knew something but that shifty look was screaming secrets and I was going to finally get some or we were having a screaming match, potentially causing another avalanche but I was going to get my answers.

            "You know!" I pointed at him and Bread stepped sideways with his back legs so we cut off the path forward. "Cole was right, who is she?!"

            The flame felt like she was pressing against my skin, seeking acknowledgement or a way out. Or both. Please not both.

            "There is a time and a place for-"

            "No!" I cut him off, "Now, Solas." A hand automatically swiped at my face and when it came away wet I let out a string of curses. I was fucking crying. "I feel like I'm going crazy and you have the answer. Why won't you help me?"

            "Acknowledging things as old as she is by name gives them a perverse sort of power." His voice was quiet.

            "As _old_?" I whispered. "Oh god…." I dismounted and wandered back and forth in the knee deep snow, not even registering that my legs were getting cold or that it was threatening to get inside my boots. "How old?"

            Solas was quiet and when I looked up at him he couldn't meet my gaze.

            "How old?!"

            "You asked me to keep your secrets, and I agreed." He still wasn't looking at me and I was starting to get really scared.

            "You're freaking me out." I whispered, "How old?"

            "Will you keep mine?" His blue eyes sliced through me and there was a sense of _power_ that was absent before. My head was starting to swim and I swayed on my feet. I really wasn't going to like the answer he was going to give me. "Luna?"

            "Yes." I whispered as I blinked, sending a cascade of tears down my cheeks. My eyes stayed shut until I felt gentle fingers on my face.

            "I have your word?"

            "I never did get you your shirt." I whispered, and why that popped into my head I don't know. "Guess my word isn't as good as I thought it was."

            He let out a little snark of a laugh, "A shirt is nothing compared to what you are asking."

            "Oh goodie," I took a step back and nodded. My arms crossed across my chest automatically and I took a deep breath. "Yes, you have my word."

            "What do you know of Dalish mythology?" His tone was even and when I looked in his eye I saw commitment.

            "Oh fuck me." I dropped into a crouch and tucked my head between my legs. "No, no, nope, this isn't happening." The ground swayed under my gaze and a gentle hand touched my back. As soon as he made contact I shot straight up and started to pace again.

            "You know?"

            "You're kidding right?" I laughed, "Myth! They're MYTH!" My head tipped back and a dark laugh echoed up into the heavens. "Oh my fucking god I am so screwed." I snapped my gaze back to him, "You _knew_ her, as in when she was alive?"

            "She still is." Solas' voice was soft and he held his hands out to the side as if he was waiting for me to fall. His words brought me to a halt.

            "Still… is?" I was chewing on the end of my thumb nail. "But she'd have to be-"

            "Eight thousand years, at least yes."

            "So that means…." I was staring at him with unblinking owlish eyes. There were things that should be adding up that _weren't_ and I kind of hated myself for my sluggish thoughts. "How… how do you… still alive." Fingers dug into my temple and I gestured wildly with the other hand. "How do you know she is still _alive_." That word was harder to force out and my voice dropped an octave on it, like it made me physically sick to say it.

            Solas was quiet again and when I looked at him there was a new emotion in his eyes, right there beside commitment was pleading. He was going to answer me, I saw it in his gaze but he wanted me to accept him and what he was about to say.

            Oh fuck me this was not good.

            "Because I locked her away-"

            "OH! OH!" I jerked away and started pacing again. Laughter, crazy and manic, bubbled up from my throat. "No." I shook my head and stormed toward Bread. Digging through my saddle bags I went in search of something I wasn't even sure was there. "Nope, this isn't happening."

            It wasn't there. _Damn it Leliana! It is cold up here and-_

            I started back toward Solas and when I got close enough I skirted around him toward his mare, "You need a name." I told her, voice shrill. "Shall we call you Shelly? Good Shelly." I palmed several sugar cubes and offered them to her.

            "Luna-"

            "NOPE." I interrupted as I started to dig through his saddle bags. When I found something promising I pulled it out and opened it up. As soon as it crossed my lips I knew it wasn't what I wanted. Still I swallowed, missing the burn, and corked his water skin before shoving it back into the bag.

            "You are being childish-"

            "YUP." I interrupted again as I stomped back toward Bread to rifle through my bags again. She seriously had to have taken pity on me.

            "What are you looking for?" He demanded as his fingers wrapped around my wrist and pulled me to face him.

            "This is a joke, right?" I asked, "You aren't really the…" I swallowed and gestured violently again. One of my hands covered my mouth and I shook my head. He wasn't answering me. Not with a shake of his head or a squint of his eyes. He was going to make me say it. "Nope." I twisted out of his grasp and moved to the other saddle bag.

            Victorious I yanked the flask from the bag and literally threw the cork away from me. I was going to drink _all_ of it, there was no need for something as silly as a _cork_. As soon as the burn coated my throat I started guzzling quicker. It was wine, not a strong wine but it didn't change my mind. At this altitude? A beer would get me buzzed. A whole flask of wine? I didn't even know what it was going to do, but I was going to find out.

            My head tilted back as I continued to swallow mouthful after mouthful. Solas approached me but I held up a single finger, asking for him to wait. He sighed and waited. Like a good _wolf_.

            I snorted out several gulps of wine and made myself cough. "Ow."

            "Are you finished?"

            "Nope." I tilted it back up until there was nothing left. "Sorry, I was too sober for this conversation."

            "Yes, it was apparent." His tone was dry.

            "Dread Wolf." I giggled. "Gonna get it tattooed on my ass."

            He was glaring now.

            "What?" I slapped a hand to his chest. The wine might not have been as strong as I was used to but I drank a lot of it in a short amount of time and my head felt like it was swimming. "You are him right? Is your cock dreaded too?" I gasped and smacked him again, "OH! Did you have dreads when you were younger? Like-" I covered my mouth for a second, my stomach didn't feel good, "-your hair. Is that why you were the Dread Wolf?"

            A little giggle slipped past my lips. A little turned into a lot until I was weak with it and I started to tip over. Solas was there, warm and inviting. His arms encircled my whole body and pulled me to him. He smelled so damned _good_.

            "You're drunk." He commented as he held my weight easily.

            "OH so strong." My words were muffled because I was pressing my nose deeper into his shirt. "I want this one."

            "Want what?" He sighed as he gently set me down. My fingers found the edges of his shirt and I started to yank it up over his torso and tangling his arms. Solas let out a string of Elvhen curses. He struggled for a moment but I put a foot on his chest and _pulled_. He came free of the shirt and I let out a shriek of delight.

            Quickly I shucked my clothes and pulled his shirt on.

            "Now I'm Dread Wolf." I threw my arms up into the air and flopped back. "Cold." I sat up and pulled my legs toward my torso. When they were tucked in tight I pulled the shirt down over them and sucked my arms into the shirt and smiled up at him from the little cocoon I'd made.

            His mouth was pressed into a thin line and there wasn't a word that gave credit to the glare he was giving me. I giggled and fell over sideways.

            "Oh for… _really_?!" Hands found my shoulders and he pulled me back into a sitting position. "We are not going anywhere tonight are we?"

            "What a smart wolf." I cooed at him. My hand popped up out of the shirt and I pushed it clumsily against his nose, "BOOP!" Cackling laughter exploded from me at the look on his face.

            He sighed and started taking the tack off of Bread and Shelly. "Shelly." I giggled, "Your horse is a shell."

            Solas did not respond and it became my sacred duty to provoke a response out of him.

            "Hey." Nothing. "Heeeyyy!" He steadily continued. Muscles shifted under his skin as he lifted the saddles off. I was fascinated by it. Solas did not seem like the kind of guy that was densely packed with muscle but man…

            He was stunning. Without his over shirt the tightly woven wrap that covered his torso outlined every line of his body and it was very nice.

            Why hadn't I stolen his shirt earlier?

            "Hey!" I called again, remembering my sacred duty. "Solas! Solas! Solas! Solas!" I chanted his name over and over again. When he didn't respond I slowly started getting up. Slowly because I wasn't confident in my ability to stand without falling over. "Solas, Solas, Solas."

            He still wasn't paying attention to me and I had yet to get a reaction. I ran at him. It seemed like a wonderful idea at the time but poorly enacted. He heard me and twisted quickly to face me, his jaw set and what looked like anger smoldering in his eyes.

            I didn't like anger in his eyes.

            I jumped and his eyes widened as he realized what I was going to do. He scrambled to catch me. I may have cheated a little and used my biotic abilities to charge him, but barely. Just enough for me to make it to him.

            His hands searched for a purchase somewhere where he wasn't touching bare skin. He was out of luck in that department because the only thing I was wearing was his shirt. Which was halfway up my torso.

            "Hi." I whispered, the cold taking the edge off of my buzz. By now the camp was mostly set up, the only thing not done was a fire, but it wasn't something we'd risk on our own.

            His hands shifted so they were on my thighs instead of my bare ass. I leaned forward, sliding up his body and he swallowed.

            "Luna this is not-"

            "Me or her?" I asked. Seemed like the alcohol wasn't completely out of my system. Ellana and the others were convinced that Solas was watching me, but they didn't know about the passenger I was carrying. But if he locked her up… I managed to connect some dots while drunk, yay me!

            "The tent isn't even fully-"

            "Me or her?" I whispered at him again as I ran the tips of my fingers lightly over the tips of his ears. He froze and it felt like the alcohol left my veins completely. I sat there in his arms, waiting for his response.

            "You are drunk." He whispered. Was that regret in his tone?

            "Don't tell me the Dread Wolf has never had sex while he was loopy." A nail skimmed over the shell of his ear and his legs trembled slightly. His hands shifted just a hair higher and I gave him a smirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OhhHH!!! What just HAPPENED?!


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not to mention that if I told Ellana that Solas was Fen'Harel she'd laugh me into the next century. Or kill Solas, neither of which were acceptable outcomes because the former would cause her to believe I was insane, the latter would cause me to have to step in on his behalf because I put him in that situation and it would just be a mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real life is a b word.

Solas walked with me in his arms. I didn't know his destination but I liked the sense of urgency in his gait. When he stooped over and entered the tent I shifted in his grasp. Quickly I locked my legs around his waist before I fell out of his grasp entirely. A groan fell from his lips and when my back touched the bedrolls he pushed his forehead into my shoulder.

            "You're drunk." He said again, but I didn't think it was for me. His words carried a hint of anguish, like he was lamenting the fact that I was drunk. "When we wake you will regret this decision and I will not be a part of it."

            Now… _those_ words were for me.

            "Why would I regret it?" I asked quietly as I unlocked my legs and pushed him back. "Are you bad at it, because I can give you some-"

            "I am capable of having sex for longer than you've been alive." He looked up at me, "No I am not _bad_ at it."

            "Ohh, I like the way that sounds." I attempted to purr at him but my finer speaking abilities had yet to return. I snorted and dropped my head. "Sex for over twenty eight years, now _that_ is a record where I'm from."

            "Twenty eight years." He growled and sat up, "You are but a babe in the eyes of Arlathan's time."

            "Now see that right there?" I scooted away from him, "That is a quick way to talk a woman out of sex, just saying." I sighed and looked at him, "I don't understand _why_ every time we start something you pull back."

            Sober was coming fast and hard for me and I was beginning to regret stripping down to the buff and wearing his shirt. It was making this kind of awkward.

            His jaw clenched and unclenched several times.

            "Solas." I cupped his jaw with the tips of my fingers and pulled until he was facing me. "Help me understand what's happening."

            "Fen'Harel." He whispered.

            "Yes, it is a wonderful name." I nodded seriously, "But I don't understand what this has to do with-" I waved a hand between him and I, "-this."

            "I am the great evil in Elvhen Mythology."

            "Okay but I'm not a real elf so…?" I shrugged and pressed a hand to my face. "Solas if that is what has you skittish you are a stupid kind man." Leaning forward I pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. "I have walked worlds that aren't my own, faced greater evils than you could imagine. Gotten into fights with creatures that could eat me whole, face down a race of genocidal space ships that are half machine half organic creatures that use other races to make more of them. Why would one god stepping into my reality shift anything for me? I'm still here, after all of that. I am still _here_ and I am willing to take a chance on whatever this is, if you will."

            "You have a rare and marvelous spirit." He whispered, "In another world…"

            "Another world?" I laughed, "Which one? Because this is the one we're in now. I don't know how long I have, but in all of the worlds that I've walked, and the lives that I've lived…" I groaned and my head dropped back. "How often do women have to talk men into sex in this world?" I flopped back and threw a hand over my face. "It's her, isn't it?"

            "No, what is inside you is no longer her." I lifted my head and looked at him. "In truth she was not the woman I fell in love with at the end, though I had hoped."

            "Which I am astonished." I mumbled at him, "I thought she was married to June."

            Solas didn't say anything and I lifted my arm to look at him. "The being inside of you is not Sylaise."

            I shot up, "What?" That word took more effort than it should.

            "She was not one of the Dalish Gods." Solas shook his head. "Her name was lost to time, as it should remain."

            "Lost to…" I rubbed the palms of my hands into my eyes. "Can we speak not in riddles?"

            "Simply put she is what the Dalish call a 'Forgotten One'."

            "The anti-gods?" I gasped, "Why did Cole tell me she was the hearth keeper then?!" I groaned and drug my hands down the sides of my face.

            "The beings the Dalish worship were not the only people of immense power. Often it is the victors that write history. Temples crashed to the grounds under the Evanuris, the Forgotten Ones was just a label, the title, that the Evanuris gave to the enemies that stood against them. She was one of them."

            "Not a lot of detail in that last sentence." I prompted as I laid down facing him. His hand stretched out and pulled the hem of his shirt down my body.

            "It is a long story," Solas deflected, "one we do not have time for."

            "Well thanks to you, we do."

            "This is my fault?" He challenged.

            "For dropping bombs on me like that, yes it is." I waved him on, "Come on, long stories don't get short by waiting."

            He chuckled and began to weave his tale. "The Dalish cling desperately to fragmented memories half remembered by people long dead. The Elvhen didn't spring forth from Elgar'nan and Mythal, we were spirits that willed ourselves into physical form. The so called Dalish Gods were generals that fought a needless war against those who believed slavery should be banned." He sighed, "To the victors go the spoils. Granted, not all of those labeled Forgotten Ones were pure of heart, but a few were."

            The flame was alert and paying attention. I struggled to push her to the side so I could pay attention to Solas.

            "Andruil delved too deeply into the earth and uncovered something I hoped to never see again. It drove her to madness and it spread across her lands. Mythal stepped forward and took her memories of how to return to the 'Void' but it didn't dispel her insanity. No, Mythal and Sylaise cleaved that portion of her mind and soul from the rest and sealed away the diseased part so no one could ever be harmed by it. But it was too late.

            "It spread to her people and threatened to swallow the world. The woman I loved succumbed to the madness and killed our children." My heart clenched in my chest. "I… attempted what Mythal and Sylaise did with Andruil, but I am not the healer that Sylaise was, and she was no match for my love in the art of healing. She was the original Hearth Keeper, healer of the sick.

            "I failed her in my pride. Convinced that I alone could save her I cut too deeply, took too much of her. Realizing my mistake I tried to repair it, but it was too late. Her madness had grown and what I had cut free at last was not enough, but any more would kill her." He looked at me and a shiver ran up my spine. "There are many pieces of her, the sane part of her was… too small to survive on its own so in attempt to save her I pieced parts of her back together. What is inside you in a piece that I cut free. A piece that did not fit into the puzzle who was my wife."

            "I…. Cut free?"

            "The Elvhen are immortal creatures and given enough time became set in their ways and no longer desired life. As a 'cure'-" air quotes from Solas were _hilarious_ , "-a practice was started to cut small pieces of their souls away, giving them an opportunity to continue to grow and relieve their boredom. How would missing that piece of themselves affect who they were and how they perceived the world? The soul would regrow in time and the piece they removed was sealed safely inside a vessel that while whole would contain them for eternity."

            "So was she not sealed properly or something? Why is she inside me?"

            "She was sealed away. As to how she is here? Her vessel must have been broken. Tombs are raided, temples torn down. Nothing lasts forever."

            "Wonderful." I grunted. "So you are telling me that I have a crazy anti-god piece of soul inside of me?"

            "Simply put, yes."

            "Amazing."

            Solas grew quiet and when I couldn't handle the silence anymore I looked at him. He was staring at me with open curiosity.

            "What?" I snapped, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

            "You continue to astound me."

            I laughed, "Why have I surprised you this time?"

            "After all this information, you are still here. In this tent, with me."

            "Look, I've met worse boogeymen than you, okay?" I rolled over and pulled down the bedroll before slipping inside.

            "Like the man from your dreams?"

            "Yes, like Jack." I yawned. "Can you do that thing where you make sure I don't dream?"

            He laughed softly but reached across the distance between us. "Sleep." He whispered. The last thing I remembered was noticing how his eyes shimmered a faint green color in the low light of the tent.

 

I woke first and found I was tightly pressed against Solas' side, his arm thrown around me prevented me from moving. At least without waking him. This high in the mountains, where the snow never melted, my body heat was not enough to keep one warm, but add another?

            The tent was cold but it was so, so wonderful inside of Solas' bedroll. Mine was thrown over us making me wonder exactly what I did in my sleep.

            Instead of forcing myself free I lay there and thought of all I knew. The flame, despite Solas words last night, was eagerly pressing against my skin as if she would willingly make the jump from my body to his. But I was beginning to fear that this… was not something that was resolved as easily as that. If at all. I had no idea if a soul could even be removed from a body without doing what Solas said. And if that was the case was I willing to risk cleaving a portion of myself free?

            The answer to that was complicated. But the first word that popped into my head was _no_. I liked who I was now. And despite how much I hated who I had been on Earth, she was a large portion of who I was now. A constant reminder to never bow to another again, to be strong not only for me but for others in my position. So there was my answer. I would not allow anyone to cut a portion of my soul away, even if it meant keeping Her inside of me.

            This soul, whatever her name may be, knew who Solas was and if he was that scared to tell me _who_ he was why would he leave the soul inside of me once he figured out who she was? The answer? He wouldn't.

            The Dread Wolf did not leave loose ends. Of that I was confident. Which begged another question. Why was I still alive?

            "You are a very loud thinker." Solas mumbled.

            "I… what?" I answered softly on the off chance he was sleep talking.

            His hand came up and rested over mine. Which, now that he called attention to it, I realized was on his chest and my fingers had been banging out a rhythm on his chest bone. His free hand ran up my arm until it was under my chin, using very little effort he tilted my chin until I was looking at him.

            "How are you feeling this morning?"

            "Uh… sorry that I took your shirt?" I wasn't sure if this was some sort of test or not.

            "Opinions on our discussion last night?"

            I scrunched up my nose in confusion and his eyes dulled slightly, "Which part?"

            "You…" he exhaled harshly, "you remember all of it?"

            "Was I not supposed to?" This was… what? What was happening here? "Is this a test? Because if it is I would appreciate a little forewarning." My fingers clenched and holy sweet mother of Joseph he was naked.

            "Did we have sex?" I whispered as I yanked the bedroll up to look down. He had pants on. "Oh lord, thank you."

            He stiffened and I realized what I said.

            "Not like that!" I stated quickly, "Not like that, just not a fan of having sex and not remembering it." Was my face red? I didn't think so but it was a distinct possibility based on how he was looking at me. "What? Did I drool?"

            "You remember asking if I had a 'dread cock'?"

            I snorted and nodded into his side, "Oh yeah, and if you had dreads when you were younger and the part where you are the butzemann?" He gave me a blank look. "That you are the great evil from Dalish lore?"

            "Still have the desire to get a tattoo on your backside?" He questioned, a smile beginning at the corner of his lips.  

            "What's that Dalish curse?" I smacked his chest a couple times as I tried to remember. "Merrill used to scream it _all the fucking time_."

            "May the Dread Wolf take you?"

            "That's the one! That, I'm getting that tattooed somewhere." I grinned up at him and wiggled my eyebrows. "When people see it they'll think I'm telling them to fuck off but in reality it's because we had-" I broke off. We hadn't yet.

            "Should it not be 'the Dread Wolf took me' then?" He whispered and I inhaled sharply. Son of a bitch I was easy to read. And why hadn't I thought of the grammar portion of it?

            He used the tip of a single finger pressed to the underside of my chin to lift my lips to his. Magic sunk into me, pressing against every nerve in my body. Instead of the normal pain I felt from healing magic this was… Oh god it was delicious. I gasped at the relief it brought. Solas hesitated a moment but I surged forward, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulled him to me.

            His response was delectable. His arms snaked around me, encircling my body and holding me against him as he pulled until I straddled his hips. Only once he made a satisfied noise deep in the back of his throat did he release my arms. The shirt melted from my skin and I jerked back in surprise.

            "Great," I muttered, "now I owe you _two_ shirts."

            "You did not ask to borrow this one." Solas assured as his fingers tangled in my unbound hair, gently tugging me back down. Hands, callused from whatever it was that gods do-

            Holy hell I was getting ready to do the sideways tango with a person revered as a _god_.

            I didn't think I could do this. Not here, not right now. Not in the middle of a fucking mission.

            _Get your head in the **game** Luna!_

            I pressed feather light kisses to his lips, soft. They were so soft but this isn't where our… thing… should start.

            And I had a job to do. We needed to find this place Solas _dreamed_ about so that we could get the rest of the Inquisition out of the cold. I couldn't be selfish anymore, I had others to think about, others that I made myself responsible for. Amara for one and as soon as her name popped into my head anything indecent that I'd been thinking about went out the window.

            Beside Amara there was the whole of the Inquisition. If they thought I was Anointed… Haven was where the Herald nonsense started. Ellana would agree with me that it was nonsense. But if these people started telling other people everyone would know my face. It was a title given only to a few who had shown extraordinary faith. How I'd managed to accomplish that I wasn't sure but… I had the whole of the Inquisition looking to me for answers now and I couldn't be screwing around when we were on a timed mission.

            My body slammed into a sitting position and I placed a hand on Solas' chest. "Can't." I whispered, "Not here, not right now. We have shit to do and this is…" I groaned when he shifted under me. "Not fair." I smacked his chest leaving an outline of my hand behind. "It is irresponsible."

            His hands settled on my waist and his head tilted back. "You are correct." Solas sighed, he managed to make it sound like a growl.

            "I'm a woman." I chided, "I'm always right." Leaning backward I swiped up my clothes and rolled off of him. Without our combined body heat it was starting to get cold really quickly. As soon as the fur cloak was clasped I crawled from the tent and checked on the horses.

            Both Bread and Shelly were fine. Bread whickered softly when he saw me and I smiled at him. "Morning."

            While Solas broke down the tent I saddled the horses and dug up the hard tack that we had to eat. If we'd had the time I'd have made a stew from the jerky and we could have soaked the biscuits so they wouldn't chip a tooth. But we'd procrastinated the morning away and we'd need to travel faster than before.

            I promised Amara I'd be two days, meaning I had to be back tomorrow at the latest. So we had to leave pronto.

            With both of the horses reins in my hands I walked over to Solas to help him tie the tent items into their respective places. Once everything was secured I passed him Shelly's reins and made to climb up into my saddle.

            Solas made a negative noise which caused me to falter for half a second. That gave him time to wrap a hand around my arm and pull me to him. His lips pressed firmly against mine. Soft but unyielding. An arm supported my back, the force of his kiss cause me to bow backward.

            He swept past my defenses and deepened the kiss. A moan slipped past my lips and he pulled me closer, shifting a leg in between mine. His other hand on my hip pulled me toward him and I groaned, my arms snaking up his to twine around his neck.

            As soon as it started it was over.

            "This is not finished." He promised, voice thick with desire.

            My heart thumped heavily in my chest and my vision swam slightly. Lungs screamed for air and I quickly sucked in a mouthful to appease them. His scent surrounded me and it was very heady.

            I noticed he was smirking and I realized that my fingers were pressing gently against my lips as if to rekindle the memory of his against mine. Quickly I dropped my hand and jumped into the saddle.

            I was in trouble.

 

We traveled as quickly as the horses were able. Still it took us most of the day until we crested a ridge that allowed us to look over the mountain range.

            Solas pulled his mare up next to Bread and pointed. "Skyhold." He breathed. I glanced sideways at him and saw where he was looking. Following his line of vision I saw a fortress that stood proud and tall amongst the peaks of the Frostbacks.

            My jaw dropped. It was _huge_ and impregnable. No one would be able to sneak up on us from any one direction. How I'd missed it in the first place was beyond me. Tall towers and turrets jutted into the sky. Walls surrounded every section of it and the only way in or out of the fortress was across a bridge that spanned a canyon.

            To top it all off the fortress itself stood on the peak of a mountain. It looked as if someone came at the mountain with a large sword and cleaved the top clean off and slammed a Gothic Barbie castle down on top of it.

            This was everything we needed and more.

            "You found this in the _fade_?" I asked bewildered. How anyone stumbled across this without knowing exactly where it was… it was impressive.

            "Found is the wrong term." Solas corrected softly, "I built it."

            "I'm sorry you what?" I turned to look at him. "Just how long has this place been standing?"

            "Since before the fall of Arlathan." Solas turned Shelly and started back the way we came.

            "Woah, woah!" I called after him as I nudged Bread to follow him. "This was your home?"

            "The fortress itself looks quite different than the last time I saw it, but yes. It was once mine. Time has claimed it for himself, and many human nobles in between."

            "Fuck me." I whispered as we moved swiftly back down the path. It'd take us a day to get back to the Inquisition camp, less if they had fixed the wagons and were able to move forward. To travel with everyone back here though and through the gates of Skyhold would take weeks with everyone on foot.

            "Shouldn't we get closer?" I leaned back in the saddle to help Bread keep his footing. "I mean… we have no idea if anyone is there."

            "I assure you, it is quite empty."

            I glared at the back of his head. "And _how_ do you know that?"

            He pulled Shelly to a stop in such a way that he was facing me. "Skyhold was an Elvhen fortress, there are magicks build into the very walls that sing every detail that happens within its borders. If there was anything larger than a goat inside I would know about it."

            I shifted in my saddle. "That's… kind of creepy." I muttered and nudged Bread back into a walk.

            "You are the one that asked."

            I remained silent, thinking instead of what the walls would tell him once all of the Inquisition was stationed inside of Skyhold. Was I blindly going to trust him now that he told me that the soul inside me was his insane wife? That his real identity came out in the process? Now that we were all but assured to fall into the sack together?

            Absolutely fucking not. Was I going to make an effort to take him at his word?

            Also probably no. At least not on large topics. I wouldn't doubt his drive to save the Veil any longer though. It was his creation, one that locked away the Gods and Goddesses and Forgotten Ones. They'd been there for thousands of years and Solas would be an idiot to let them out where they could take their revenge for being imprisoned for so long.

            No, I'd believe him as far as the mission of the Inquisition went. He was knowledgeable, I'd grant him that. And he'd be a formidable ally but I'd completed part of my mission where he was concerned. I'd gained his trust, I had his secrets.

            Though he had mine in return and if I didn't want them used against me I'd have to keep his.

            Not to mention that if I told Ellana that Solas was Fen'Harel she'd laugh me into the next century. Or kill Solas, neither of which were acceptable outcomes because the former would cause her to believe I was insane, the latter would cause me to have to step in on his behalf because I put him in that situation and it would just be a _mess_.

            So, for now I'd ask Solas to work with Dorian in attempt to remove the soul from my body so I could be just Luna, not Luna-with-a-tag-along. I already had enough of those in life, didn't need one inside my mind.

            My thoughts spiraled, every conversation I had with Solas was now under the microscope. His every action, every deed, every _thought_. I played it all back and something was bothering me, something at the back of my mind that demanded attention but it was just out of my grasp, dancing farther and farther away the harder I reached for it. So I stopped.

            It would come to me eventually but actively chasing it was not going to help anything. Though it did make the time pass. When I finally came up from my own thoughts I saw that night was getting ready to fall.

            "We should make camp."

            That night we lit a fire and had a warm meal. I didn't venture into the tent, not even when I was sure Solas was asleep. Instead I stayed and stared at the stars.

            They were so foreign. My eyes tracked every portion of the night sky and none of the constellations I was used to seeing were there. I'd witnessed several skies, from multiple planets. Countless configurations were locked away in my mind, star charts memorized so I could tell where I was from space if anything happened. But these?

            Not one star was the same and any hope I had that we were somehow in the same realm as Earth or Council Space vanished. If we were I somehow managed to travel across dark space into another galaxy cluster where the laws of nature weren't the same.

            That so many different sentient species could evolve together on _one continent_ was mind blowing. Thedas was just one portion of a larger world. It was surrounded by oceans to the east and the west was uncharted as far as I knew.

            These people didn't even know the entirety of their world and it was… astounding. How many different worlds had I walked, how many nights had I stared at the stars from different locations or just… drifted in space with no direction?

            Tonight I felt so alone and wondered what was beyond this world. It ached that I wouldn't get to explore it as I once would have. That I couldn't hope into a plane and spend sixteen hours to get to the other side.

            Had they even attempted to travel the seas? How far did the Dwarven deep roads go? Did they span the length of the world? Or did they just honeycomb Thedas?

            A horrible image popped into my head of a huge earth quake and Thedas just vanishing overnight, leaving a pile of rubble in its wake.

            Eventually the moons set and the sun started to rise. Bread had wandered over to lay behind me, offering his warmth. When Solas emerged he looked at me for a long time before we started the process of breaking camp.

            We didn't speak as we continued down the mountain toward our people.

            It felt funny to say. Here I was, claiming I wasn't a true elf because I wasn't born one but claiming the people of a world I never thought to walk.

            How many more lives would I live after this one? Was I destined to hop between realms for eternity?

            God I hopped not. I'd already lived two lives and I was living my third. Too much more of this and I'd be as crazy as Ms. Flame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So did I surprise you? No Andruil! Solas didn't love the crazy wench, turned her down cold! Had to come up with something else and I sincerely think that Solas had to have loved someone during the time of Arlathan. Four thousand years is too long to be alone.


	24. Broken Fists and Shattered Notions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sorry about attacking your boss."  
> "That sorry bastard loved it," Krem shook his head. "Have a drink with him when you're done here."

Cullen set a blank piece of paper before me and rolled several pieces of charcoal in my direction.

            "What do you expect me to do with these?" I asked as I pushed the paper back.

            "I want a detailed report and a sketch of the fortress." Cullen stated. We were in his tent, which was larger than mine and he had an actual bed. I was a little jealous. Not that I needed it.

            "Cullen…" I rubbed my eyes with the back of a hand. A tirade of words were on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to rage about everything I'd been through, how I ran myself into the ground making sure every had what they needed. How my new responsibilities to attend _every single fucking_ war meeting was getting out of hand. Instead I said, "I can't draw, I saw it from a distance, anything I have to offer would not be useful." And pushed the papers back at him.

            "We are weeks away from Skyhold by your accounts and the men need to know what to expect between here and there. The conditions the fortress is in, if there are any weaknesses." Cullen sighed, "I know it is a lot to ask but we were unprepared at Haven and I won't make the same mistake again." His eyes grew distant. "Ellana almost didn't come back."

            He didn't need to tell me that.

            I grumbled and snatched the papers off the table. "Fine, _but_ one condition."

            Cullen sighed at me. "What?"

            "I don't know yet but I'm going to come after you for a favor in the future and you will do it, no questions asked."

            He glared at me for a long moment before he nodded, "Alright."

            "Excellent." Quickly I sketched out what I remembered. It was by no means a master piece but I did my best to capture the essence. The fingers of my free hand twisted the page as I painstakingly pulled the image from my brain and laid it on the paper. When that was finished I pushed it across the table toward Cullen before writing out any weakness I noticed.

            The only thing I saw as a problem was the bridge. It was the only way in _or_ out. If we were under siege any civilians that were with the Inquisition would be trapped with us. I listed other minor things. A crumbling wall, or a portion that looked unsteady. I added in a few flourishes and left out the magic.

            Templars and magic… am I right? Like gasoline and a match. Poof! Up in flames and I didn't need the only place we had to call home vanish because Solas would learn a few things about the Inquisition before the others in the inner circle.

            "There." I smacked the charcoal down on the table and shoved the rest of the papers at him. "Everything I can remember."

            "This is awful." He held up the sketch for me.

            "I am not an artist, make do." I snarled as I stomped from the tent. "Or ask Solas! He's good at that."

            I continued to grumble halfhearted threats as I made my way through camp. The sun was starting to set again and many had already bedded down by fires or under make shift shelters. The mages were a godsend; we'd have lost half of our people the first night if they hadn't wandered around offering warmth runes to any who would take them.

            Not many passed them up.

            My destination was in sight and I was keeping my head down, refusing to look at anyone. The hood of my cloak was pulled up so that my vibrant pink hair—still needed to get Sera back for that—didn't stand out and draw attention.

            I was saddle sore and more than ready for a night in a cot. It might not be a real bed, but it was better than a bedroll on a frozen ground.

            When I lifted the flap of my tent I was greeted by a bizarre sight. Varric looked like he was about to bust a vein in attempt to keep from laughing and Blackwall was sitting on the floor before Amara with… ribbons in his hair.

            "Thank the Maker you're back." Blackwall uttered as soon as he saw me. "I told you she'd be back today."

            "Amara." I sighed, "Most men do not like ribbons in their hair." I gave Blackwall an apologetic look before walking forward and pulling out several of the more complicated ones. "Thank you for watching her but you didn't have too."

            "Cole says boys like pretty things." Amara stated with a sage like voice. How a child could adopt that at such a young age… I was in for a lot of trouble with her.

            "Yes, boys do like pretty things, but not many like the pretty things girls do."

            "Listen to your-" Blackwall cut off and looked at me, "Luna." He finished with a nod. I didn't know what she was going to call me so I was okay with him not completing that thought.

            "Ghost you always ruin the fun."

            "I absolutely do not." I retorted, "I'm half of the fun that happens around here, but poor Blackwall looked terrified."

            "You should have seen Pup here!" Varric laughed and watched Blackwall exit the tent. "She all but strong armed him into sitting there obediently."

            "Pup?" I asked with a raised brow, "Really? That's all you got?"

            "I know, I know." Varric held up his hands, "It's a work in progress. I'll come up with something else."

            "Speaking of pups… Where is Gypsy?" I looked between Amara and Varric.

            "Probably with Bull." Varric offered off handedly as he stood. "I'll let you get some rest."

            "My wolf is with the Iron Bull?" I was slightly offended. "Why isn't she here with Amara?"

            "She bit a mage." Varric stated, turning to look at me. "One of them didn't like the idea of you taking her away so when they learned you were gone they took her back. The wolf pup didn't like it and went after the mage's throat. According to Bull he stopped Gypsy before she could and stopped the mage from killing her."

            I was seething on the inside. "What is the mage's name?"

            "Caleb." Amara's voice was tiny, "You aren't going to send me back!"

            "Oh sweets no." I assured as I strode past Varric, "I'm just going to have a talk with Caleb and get my wolf."

            "Cullen and Fiona dealt with Caleb." Varric's face was half shadow as he looked at me. "Now I'm all about revenge but we're in a tight spot Ghost, I wouldn't recommend going after the mage after he's already been sentenced."  

            I stopped in my tracks and clenched and unclenched my hands repetitively. "I hate logic." Altering my course I went toward Bull's little camp.

            It wasn't far; the camp itself wasn't very large. We had yet to amass any sort of real leverage despite everything that we'd done. I was positive that when we reestablished ourselves and the whole of Thedas saw what happened that we'd have more join our cause.

            Once the news spread of what the Templars had done, of what happened to Haven, and of the enemy that led them… I had to hope that Thedas would rise to the occasion. Otherwise we were screwed.

            The Charger's camp came into view and I strode right up to their fire and stopped in front of Bull. "Where is she?"

            Bull took a drink and stared at me. "Who?"

            "You _know_ who." I snapped, "Where is my _wolf_?"

            I heard a whine from the side. My head jerked in her direction and I saw they had put a leash on her. Not just a leash but they had made a harness and I saw that it was frayed in places. Gypsy had not willingly gone into their contraption.

            "Do you know the weapon she'll be?" Bull asked softly as I strode confidently toward her. I slipped a dagger into my palm and cut through her bindings making sure to reduce it to small pieces. My wolf should never be tamed. "She's quite a handful and she'll be an amazing killer. If you train her right, I can help you with that."

            "She is a _friend_." I correct as Gypsy hit the floor and crawled toward me. When she was under me she rolled onto her back and presented her throat. Fire surged through my veins. She was _submissive_. To _me_. A snarl built up in the back of my throat and my energy started to swirl out of control.

            My little wolf had been broken. She now knew dominance, and because of Bull she had _lost her innocence._ Because I was fucking off in the mountains with Solas.

            Gently I touched my fingers to the bridge of her nose and ran them up between her eyes before I stood and turned toward Bull. Pink swirled in the edges of my vision, my head was still tucked down and the loose strands of my hair hung free to blow in the breeze that wandered these mountains. Hands clenched tightly into fists before I unleashed.

            Blue biotic power surrounded my entire body and the world flashed by as I charged the Iron Bull. I saw the second he realized what was happening. His eyes widened just a little bit before I was on top of him.

            The force of our collision sent him flying out of his chair. A feral scream ripped from my throat as I charged him again, this time without the biotic field surrounding me. Throw was wound tightly around my fist and I slammed it directly into his face. His whole body skidded across the ground with me on top of him.

            It became a rotation. One fist hit him with throw and when the other descended it hit him with pull until his head was bouncing back and forth like a speed bag. The flame inside of me danced to the sound of my heart beat, she whispered things to me that I didn't understand but I didn't care.

            I didn't even give the effort to push her to the side. All I saw was red. Gypsy was my friend and companion. That Bull would even think-

            He tilted his head slightly and my fist connected to one of his massive horns. Bones cracked and knuckles popped. A different kind of scream littered the night as I grasped the forearm of my shattered hand.

            "You fucking broke my han-"

            He effectively cut me off with a head butt. It sent me flying from his person and my world spun.

            Bull was like a god damned battering ram. His head was like dragon bone and it _hurt_ like the dickens.

            When my world stopped spinning I sat up with a vengeance only to have several sets of arms wrap around my body. I grunted with effort as I tried to squiggle free of their grasp. I struggled in vain, I was utterly trapped.

            Three. It took three of his men to subdue me. Even then it wasn't until someone spoke up that they broke through the haze of my anger.

            "What do you think you are doing?" My head snapped to the side and I saw an angry Cullen and Leliana standing there. Cullen's face was coated with anger and Leliana just watched with a cautious curiosity.

            Bull and I stared at each other, both of our lips were pressed into a thin line and our eyes were slits. His face was covered in a myriad of bruises and there was a cut over his one good eye. His eye patch was skewed and there was blood on his horn.

            Pain rushed into me and when I let out a string of cursing Dalish released my hand. Glancing down at it made my stomach turn, and that says a lot. The fingers were skewed and swollen. It didn't stop at the fingers either.

            "Someone send for Solas." Bull stated as he walked forward. He didn't stop next to me but proceeded back into the light of his camp fire. My head swiveled with him, watching his every move. He simply righted his makeshift chair and sat down. One of his Chargers, Stitches I think, passed him a mug of some sort and he drank deeply for it.

            Krem walked unhurriedly from the fire light and Cullen pulled my attention away from the camp.

            "Who instigated the fight?" Cullen demanded. Bull's Chargers let go of me but Cullen prodded me toward the light and I glared at him. Stiffly I walked back into the camp to wait for Solas. "Well?"

            "He did but I threw the first punch." I gritted out. My gaze cast about until I saw Gypsy. She was still in the same spot I left her in. A ragged sigh slipped through my lips and I flopped onto the snowy ground and cocked my head at her.

            Cullen started speaking again but Leliana shushed him as I started to croon softly at Gypsy. My uninjured hand cradled my injured one as I tried to establish eye contact with my little green eyed wolf.

            "Sweet thing." I whispered, "Girly bug come here." I made it a request, not a demand. When she bobbed her head I lowered mine with her, desperate to reach the wolf she had been. Her eyes were down cast as she reached me. I clicked my tongue several times and patted my leg. "Come on love, it's alright."

            Leliana spoke from somewhere behind me. Her words sounded slightly harsh; at the very least they were not polite.

            Gypsy crouched lower, one of her paws on my leg. "Pay them no mind darling." I whispered as I ran my hand through her fur. "It's just you and me." Gypsy's tail wagged between her legs as she crawled up into my lap. She was much larger than the last time she did this. She barely fit and forced me to lean back to accommodate her. I giggled at her and pressed a kiss to the side of her nose. Gypsy licked up the side of mine, ending at my hair line. "There's my good girl."

            Leliana squatted into my line of sight. "It is your responsibility to apologize to the Iron Bull."

            "He brok-"

            "I know exactly what he did." Leliana interrupted. "You do not have the luxury of offending our allies at this moment. Mercenaries they may be they are still with us. Apologize."

            I sighed and dropped my head into Gypsy's fur. Slowly I ran my head back and forth through her silky hair. It was soothing. She smelled like wild things. Mostly like wet dog but there were subtle undertones of pine and cedar.

            "Yes, Sister Leliana." The words were muffled by Gypsy's fur. When I looked up at her she gave me a small smile and a nod before standing and walking toward Cullen. They shared a few words. Cullen sounded cross and he looked like he was mad at me. My lips curled into a smirk and I flopped onto my back.

            Gypsy adjusted on my lap until her nose was level with my throat. I sighed and she moved with the rising of my chest. My broken hand was pushed into the snow and the cold was helping to numb the pain. It would also reduce the swelling, but if I didn't get a mage to heal it I would probably lose the hand entirely.

            Snow crunched somewhere near my face and I tilted my head to look at the new comer. Scratch that, new comer _s_ because Solas followed Krem closely. His gaze swept over me and past until he registered the pink hair in the snow. Solas' gaze snapped to mine and I gave him a small smile and pointed at Bull with my uninjured arm. If I was to apologize might as well fix his ass up first.

            Solas gave me a thin lipped look before doing as I request. Krem stood over me.

            "Never seen the Chief taken down like that." He stated and gave a small chuckle. "How's your hand feeling?"

            I lifted it out of the snow and showed it to him. He winced in sympathy before looking over at Bull.

            "He still looks worse than you." Krem knelt down and touched his fingers to a spot on my forehead. Pain lanced through my skull and I inhaled sharply. Gypsy let out a low rumbled on my chest and lifted her head.

            "Settle down girl, its fine." I murmured though it hurt to speak. Made my head throb now that Krem pointed out the—probably magnificent—bruise on my face. I'd be lucky if he didn't crack my skull. Damn it had been stupid to fight him. Nice and relaxing because I felt like I could sleep for a week, but stupid.

            Someone cleared their throat and Krem pulled his fingers back. Gypsy's head swiveled to look at the new person and she let a louder rumble that turned into an open mouth snarl. Krem's eyes widened and he turned to look at who approached as well.

            "Gypsy, it's _just_ Solas." I sighed as I flopped a hand onto her head and pulled it to my chest. I felt her tail thump against my leg. "We're good." Solas was staring intently at Krem and I was watching Solas. Krem was still watching Gypsy until Solas spoke up.

            "If you will excuse me, I cannot heal Luna from up here."

            There was plenty of space around me on all sides except my head. Solas could have done it from anywhere. Krem eyed me and the wolf one more time before he stood and took several steps back.

            "Sorry about attacking your boss."

            "That sorry bastard loved it," Krem shook his head. "Have a drink with him when you're done here."

            I thought about it for all of half a second before I spoke. "Done."

            Green flashed in front of my eyes and I went stiff with pain. Man with all the healing I've needed in this world and the pain that came with it you'd think I'd avoid getting hurt anymore. But _nooo_ I just rush head long into one conflict after another.

            "Apologies." Solas whispered as he huddled over my body. "I am almost finished _vhenan_."

            "No we aren't." I gasped as I pulled my hand up. "I… broke it on Bull's face."

            "Horn." Bull corrected from where he sat, proving to me once again that his hearing was impressive.

            "Face… horn… hard to tell the difference when your face is being hammered into the ground." I growled. The sound of his quiet laughter floated over to me. Bull and I got along just fine before he found out about my secret. And then I threatened him. So this was _technically_ my fault but he kept it up by sicking one of his men on me.

            Gentle fingers grasped my hand and I stared at Solas' face as he slowly worked to set the broken fingers.

            "There is considerable damage here." Small whimpers of pain were elicited from my lips and he made quiet noises in response. "I will do what I can _vhenan_."

            "I have faith in you my wolf." My words were soft, quiet enough that I was sure that Bull had not heard us, and it did not matter if he did. I would use it as a term of endearment from now on. As long as Solas and I were on the same page now. "My wolf." I whispered again. Solas' eyes darted around before returning to meet my gaze. "If you can't do it, no one can."

            The tips of his ears turned pink and he chuckled softly. "Brace yourself _ma lath._ "

            The flame inside of me, Solas' dead crazy wife, moved until she was spread evenly throughout my body. Like I was a glove that fit over her. She didn't make up the majority of me but it was like she was the chewy center of the lollipop. Her presence sang just beneath my skin from the tip of my nose down to my toes. The effect of her doing this was… alarming.

            Every portion of my skin seemed to glow softly and anything that was cold was now a nice and toasty. And… I watched as Solas' healing magic skated across my hand, fixing the little bones in my fingers, mending the smaller ones that ran though the back of my hand. Watched as my knuckles shifted positions until they were where they were supposed to be.

            The whole ordeal probably took an hour and I felt very little pain. And I knew exactly what he was doing. As if I knew magic and what it was capable of, like I knew all the bones in the hand and where they should be precisely. I knew things that I shouldn't know.

            Dread coursed through my stomach. The only way I could know these things was if Ms. Flame was sharing information with me. And she was doing so _freely_. It scared the holy ever living fuck out of me.

            **_Us one._** She spoke into my mind and I stiffened. Solas murmured softly taking my actions as ones borne of pain. It was terror. **_Us share._**

            Uh… no. No we were not going to share. We were going to be separate and she was going to go into a container again so that I didn't have to endure this ever again. Dorian was going to figure it all out and then I'd be golden.

            **_No…_** I fucking _felt_ her struggling for the right word. **_Apart_**. Pride coursed through my body as she found an appropriate word. **_Stay one_.**

            _No we most certainly will not you crazy bitch_. I thought back at her. It wouldn't do to go raving at something that no one else could see.     

            **_Learn you_. ** She insisted, **_No part_.**

            " _Vhenan_." Solas whispered as he leaned into my line of sight, "Are you well?"

            **_Vhenan. Sa'lath_**.

            "Peachy." I whispered as I sat up, arm snaking around Gypsy so she was cradled in my lap again. "I… I have to go." Turning I pressed a quick kiss to Solas' lips before setting Gypsy on the ground and rising. "Thank you."

            When I started walking Gypsy followed me, though there was a slight moment of hesitation before she joined me of her own free will. Together we crossed the camp until we arrived at our tent. Amara was still attacking Blackwall with the pretty yellow ribbons.

            Gypsy lowered her head and pressed against me. I cooed at her until she stood on her own and then encouraged her to sleep on the bed of her choice. "Up Gypsy." She chose Amara's. Wise little pup. Though she hardly looked like a pup anymore. She grew larger each day, soon she would be almost as tall as I was.

            I turned my attention to Blackwall, "Thank you, for staying." A smile crossed my features as I strode forward. "Amara, please let Blackwall go."

            "But I'm not finished." She pleaded at me.

            "No," I shook my head. "It's almost time for sleep. I'm sorry I came back so late but the sun is getting ready to set and we have a long day of walking ahead of us tomorrow."

            "There's no harm, Lady Luna." Blackwall stated gruffly. I knew the feeling. Amara somehow managed to sneak past your defenses before anyone could blink at you twice.

            I rubbed the back of my neck, "I have to go out and do something." I remembered the drink I promised Krem I'd have with Bull. "If you don't mind her braiding ribbons into your hair I'd appreciate it if you'd watch her just a little longer."

            "Bella will be along shortly." He stated, "I'll stay until she gets back."

            "Thank you." I gave him a soft smile, "And Amara?"

            "Yes?" She asked innocently as she continued working the strands of his hair back and forth. He winced when she pulled too hard on his scalp.

            "Be gentle."

            She gave me a wicked smile.

 

I paced outside the line of pitched tents. I had every intention of going marching into Bull's camp and sharing a drink with him to bury the hatchet. I was Scared. Yes with a capital 's'. The Flame inside of me was more… active. I didn't know how else to describe it.

            I could feel her attention splitting from mine to watch a group of people travel from one camp fire to the next. It was eerie as shit because I wasn't paying any attention to those people over there. No I was paying attention to her and she was ignoring me. How she could ignore me when she was inside of my body I had no idea but she was pulling it off like a champ.

            _Hey_. I pestered trying to get her attention. _What did you mean by 'no separate'? Don't you want to be out of me._

            **_Can't_** _._ She tossed toward me off handedly.

            _Can't or won't?_

            That gave her pause. **_They not same?_**

 _No they are not the same!_ Bull noticed me and waved me over. I smiled and waved back. My legs carried me forward slowly. _Won't is the refusal to do something and can't states that you lack the ability to._

 _**Both.**_ Her attention turned toward our destination. **_Why here with dragon beast_.**

            _I… wait, what?_

            **_Why here?_**

            _No the dragon beast pa-_

            "Luna!" Bull called out to me, "Have a drink!"

            "That was the plan." I smiled at him, upset that my conversation had been cut short. I tried to remind myself why it was important to talk to her in the first place and was coming up empty. "How's your face doing?"

            "How is your hand?" He retorted. In response I held it up. "I see your lover was very dedicated to your healing."

            "Solas takes pride in everything he does," I commented as Grim passed me a mug of ale. "Thank you." He grunted at me. "Is he always so chatty?"

            "That's the most I've ever heard him say." Bull laughed, "Guess it means he likes you."

            "You guess huh?" I lifted the mug and drank deeply, "So, we going to be friends again?"

            He regarded me for a long moment before he busted up into laughter again. I narrowed my eyes at him.

            "We were not friends?" He asked when he calmed down a little. "I thought it was just a love fight."

            I cocked an eyebrow at him, "Right, we threatened each other and you stuck one of your men on my ass and it was a _love_ fight?"

            "Let's be real, Luna." He took a drink before dunking it back into the barrel to refill his mug. "If it was anything other than foreplay someone would have died."

            I tossed my head back and forth before giving him a grin, "Now that you put it that way." I lifted my mug in his direction. "Salud."

            I stayed for more than one drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man... the things I have planned. I am not a subtle writer guys! I can't wait until I can just come out with everything!


	25. Scuffled Snow and Veiled Threats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Those of you that are still here, you will stand in that spot." I barked, a little of my Turian shining through, "If I come back and the snow around your feet is disturbed, if I think you have moved at all you will not be considered for this position. Am I understood?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? Another chapter so soon? 
> 
> I've found a little more time to write and as messed up as it is my mood has been dark which is directly related to my ability to write. So, several chapters were written today and as a result my buffer is back. 
> 
> Yay for no posting schedule!

"Luna?" Ellana called my name, bringing me to a stop before the cooking fire. The sun was slowly rising and I had a hungry mutt and kid to feed. Thankfully we still had some spare meat so I didn't have to go out hunting in the early morning just yet. It was going to happen and I just hoped that we made it to Skyhold before I had to run around this mountain anymore.

            "Ellana?" I stood and turned to her, a bowl full of stew in each hand. Stew was a dinner meal but we didn't exactly have the luxury of sticking to traditional breakfast. "Is something wrong?"

            "No," she shook her head at me. Her sword was on her back which was the first day I saw it there since the incident at Haven. It wasn't quite the same one. "You made me a promise, and I'd like you to keep it."

            "Uh…" I squinted my eyes and tried to think of any promise that I'd made her. I waxed poetic about laying waste to the world for her and the elves but I didn't think she was calling that one in. "Which promise?"

            "To fight, like you."

            I let a low chuckle out and nodded. "Just let me get this food to Amara and Gypsy then we'll start."

            Together we walked back to the tent; I needed to fetch something from my bag. As much as I enjoyed holding onto it if I didn't give it back soon I was going to owe him another shirt. Hell I owed him a whole outfit at this point and something told me that the Dread Wolf wasn't exactly rolling in it. Not if he walked around in his simple clothes with his small pack.

            Amara was still getting ready for the day. Blackwall made her a small cloak out of some left over leather while I was gone and she was so in love with it.

            "Breakfast." I handed her a bowl, her tiny hands taking it gratefully. The other went on the floor and Gypsy scrambled toward it. "Runt." I snarked as I started out of the tent again. "I'm going to go teach Ellana a few things, be good for Bella, yeah?"

            Amara's head shot up, "What are you teaching her?"

            I laughed, "How to fight, don't make a mess kiddo."

            "I wanna learn too."

            "I'm not sure if it's-"

            "Please?" She stood and the light filtering in hit her scar. If she'd known how to fight maybe that wouldn't have happened. Guilt tugged at me and I nodded.

            "Alright, but finish your food first."

            "'kay!"

            I was starting to get the feeling that anything Amara wanted she was going to get. It was becoming difficult to deny her anything, not with the constant reminder of my failure.

 

Ellana and Amara stood next to each other. Both of them had different levels of fighting abilities. I didn't even know how to go about teaching a child how to fight.

            "Attack me." I pointed at Ellana. "Without the sword."

            "The sword is my main weapon."

            I shook my head at her, "No, it isn't. If it is taken away from you then what are you going to do?" My body adopted a lazy stance but every muscle was alert and waiting for her to rush me. "You're going to use your body, which is why I'm teaching you how to fight like me, right?"

            Amara flashed to my side, she was like a blur as she moved through the air. Her tiny fist struck my leg and I was left dumfounded as she threw another punch. Quickly I sidestepped her attack, a hand wrapped around her arm and I restrained her delicately.

            "Good." I said, approval thick in my voice. "Taking an opponent by surprise is the best way to overpower someone stronger than yourself. Ellana could learn from you."

            "Hear that?" Amara stated proudly as I released her, "Hope you're taking notes cunt."

            "Amara!" Ellana gasped and I slapped a hand over my mouth in a vain attempt to stop my laughter. "Luna, you were supposed to talk to her about this."

            God above but I loved this kid so much. When Ellana's sharp gaze swept to me I cleared my throat and shook my head.

            "I've been busy." I shrugged, "Now, Amara since you attacked first do you know what you did wrong?"

            She shook her head and gazed at me intently. I patted the top of her head and continued gently.

            "You stayed in one spot kiddo, keep moving and switching positions. Keep me on my toes, 'kay?"

            She gave a sharp nod, "I want to try again." A smile split my face in approval and I back up several paces. At my nod she started again, and she used her magic to do so. Kid had a surprisingly good grasp of fade step, but after traveling all the way to Haven from Redcliffe could I really be surprised by it?

            A crowd gathered around us loosely. Nothing serious and there were no bets. Most were individuals looking for something to entertain them in the early dawn hours. Amara pushed every advantage she had but she was too slow to really take me, even without skill. She would have to train her body longer and harder. Lifting weights, working out with weighted gear would help too.

            Ellana was a better match, but when I switched fighting styles on her it distorted her reality. Every single time I did it she would hesitate a moment before switching gears.

            At the end Amara was almost falling asleep and Ellana was covered in sweat. I was too and it was bad this high up. It would turn to ice on our skin as soon as we cooled down.

            "Go," I waved a hand, my breath came at irregular intervals. "Get changed, wipe off the sweat and dry your hair." Amara grunted at me. She really was adopting all of my habits. "Now little lady. You too big lady."

            Ellana gave me a look and I think if so many civilians and soldiers hadn't been around I'd have gotten the finger too. She loved that one to no end.

 

The days passed by. A week came and went. Every morning I woke and trained with Ellana and the kid before we started to move. Most days Amara was in Bread's saddle after, allowing the horse to carry her while she rested for an hour. And then she was her normal terror.

            We scattered, no set trail. Cullen did not push the soldiers. No one had the heart. Skyhold loomed ahead of us, but without tangible proof for the men they were losing heart.

            It wasn't until we crested the ridge that Solas and I mounted what seemed like a life time ago and the fortress came into view that everyone's spirits lifted. Laughter once again rang through the tents at night. Varric could be found telling stories while collecting a few of his own. His hand was almost always within reach of a quill and a piece of paper.

            Sera was deploying her normal tactics, setting small traps for those higher up in the Inquisition so that the ones farther down on the totem pole could get a laugh at our expense.

            I was thinking stink bombs in her shampoo, but that was nixed because the horrible smell would give it away. Then I attempted to take all of her small clothes. Woman didn't have any.

            Then Josephine caught me sneaking around camp and I had to put a halt on my activities for the foreseeable future. The Ambassador was worried that my antics would cause strife for the Inquisition further down the line.

            I'd just have to be more discrete, which I was basically incapable of so until I could find someone to employ I was at a dead end.

            Cassandra was still ticked at me. As far as she was concerned I lied but she was civil enough toward me. There was a way to mend that fence and I would find it. There was no way I could roam around without bumping into Cassandra and just like with Bull, it wouldn't do to have a shoddy infrastructure of the inner circle.

            It's why I left after all, but now I had more to fight for so there was no running this time. Cassandra was just going to have to deal until I found a weak spot.

            Bull and Blackwall were their normal selves with me around. Bull was a little easier now that we'd buried the hatchet and duked it out. It was a phantom pain but I could swear that my skull was still fractured from his head butt. Blackwall continued to entertain the children with his legendary stories of Gray Wardens.

            Another week passed, and we still weren't at Skyhold.

            "I need you to go to the fortress." Cullen looked like he was haggard. His cheeks were tinged gray and were starting to look a little hollow. What worried me the most was the sheen of sweat that coated his face.

            "What is it?" I stepped closer and cast a wary glance around. He gave me a confused look. "You're coming down from something, what is it?" I pressed and his gaze darted around a little too quickly.

            "How?" He whispered as he gripped my arm and pulled me to the side. "What do you know?"

            I shrugged until he released me. We were further away from others and I didn't need to be as quiet as I had been before.

            "This isn't the first time I've seen something like this." I sighed, "There is no judgement here but maybe it isn't the best time to go off whatever you are on. Not while we are in the middle a GD mountain. Running a fever here isn't going to do your health any favors."

            "You've had similar experiences?" He sounded so hopeful, "How did they get through it."

            "Grit and determination. It should be over within in two weeks." I patted his arm, "Do you need me to get-"

            "No." He was quick to respond, his hand darted out to stop my nonexistent movement. "Please, don't tell anyone."

            "Alright, but it doesn't look good that the Commander of our armies is addicted to something. Try to keep out of sight. Maybe hang out with Leliana at the edges for a bit."

            "It's lyrium." He sighed, "It allows Templars to use their abilities."

            "I…" Didn't Alistair say something about lyrium and Templars? God it was too long ago for me to remember correctly but I do know that nowhere in the game did Alistair mention he needed to get lyrium for his abilities to work nor did the Warden suddenly start guzzling the stuff if they went down that path. "Don't know what to say to that." My brows furrowed, "Why use lyrium if it's addictive."

            Cullen gave a dark chuckle and it was startling to hear from his throat. The man was normally cheery and impossible to piss off. It was one of the reasons it was so fun to fight and argue with him. He didn't hold grudges very long. Or at least he didn't _now_.

            "Now that I am free of the order I see that the Chantry was using it as a means of control." He wiped a hand across his face and I started digging into my pack for some small scrap of cloth. "I don't want to be on their leash anymore."

            "I applaud your efforts." I had grown quiet again. There was no need to telegraph any weaknesses. "If there is anything I can do, please-" I leaned forward so I could gaze into his down cast eyes, "let me know."

            "Go to Skyhold, and do whatever you can to get started on repairs." Cullen looked over his shoulders. "Solas seemed to be under the impression that it was uninhabitable."

            "I'll need a small team of men." Cullen nodded, "I want to choose them."

            "Of course."

            "Wipe your face off and gather the soldiers together." I started away. Time to talk to Amara again, "And I'll need Solas." I hesitated for a moment, there was a strong urge to keep him close and I didn't know if it stemmed from me and my distrust or if it was from Her and her love, or _my_ affection for the man. He elicited too many emotions from me for me to be certain. "To guide us through the mountains. We'll leave markers for the main body."

            Cullen chuckled and it sounded more like his natural self, "Look at you," his voice was quiet but taunting. "A natural leader."

            "Fuck you buddy." I groused back at him. "I'll meet up with you in a few minutes to pick the team. We'll need any spare horses."

            "How many men are you taking with you?"

            I shrugged, I honestly didn't know at this point. There were too many things to consider. How many I _could_ take, of those that volunteered and those that were able.

            "We'll see."

            I tucked my head down and flipped up my hood. It was growing tiresome, this pink hair. It made me a virtual walking flag. Sera was taking great joy from it, snorting any time she saw someone flag me down or my quick movements to duck out of sight. Arrangements needed to be made with Josephine as soon as possible for it to be corrected.

            Diverting my attention I switched directions and headed in the direction of her tent. It just about time for everyone to start moving and I wanted a second to speak with the Ambassador. When I knocked on her tent and she called me in I saw that Leliana was in the tent with her and they were pouring over something that was on Josephine's clipboard.

            "Anointed?" Josephine looked up, "Is everything well?"

            "Yes," I cast a glance at Leliana. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

            "Of course not," there was a twinkle in Leliana's eye as they returned to looking at the clipboard. "Josie and I were just reminiscing."

            "I hadn't realized you two knew each other before the Inquisition."

            "Of course," Josephine nodded. "Leliana is the one who requested my services for this job. How can I be of assistance?"

            "I need something from Val Royeaux," my fingers tangled in my hair and I gave them a pointed look. "Simply put I hate it and I want to cover it up. Can you do anything for me?"

            "It is a simple letter away." Josephine assured, a larger smile than was strictly called for lit her face up like a lantern. Leliana hid a knowing look and I glared between the two of them. Something was happening and I didn't know what it was.

            "Right…" I trailed off and continued flicking my gaze between both women until an uncomfortable silence stretched between the three of us. "Well then, I'll just be… going." I squinted at them and slowly backed out of the tent.  Still needed to talk to Amara and Solas about this.

            Hopefully neither of them would give me problems.

 

Amara, in fact, did not give me problems. Which caused a weird combination of emotions to swirl inside. One was happiness and the other was sadness. I was happy she was making friends so being away from me wasn't causing her the stress it did it had a few weeks ago, I was sad _because_ she was okay with me leaving her.

            Like I said, it was weird and no I was not a fan. Gypsy would be traveling with me this time, and she had grown quite a bit. No longer could we pick her up and cart her around under one arm.

            I had my pack over my shoulder and was headed toward Solas' tent. I didn't think he was going to give me any problems either. Not with us returning to his old haunt ahead of schedule. His tent came into view, it was always easy to spot. It was on the edge, set a little ways away from everyone else. It was strange at first, how he kept to himself, didn't draw attention.

            Now I understood. He was keeping a low profile because of who he was, not because he inherently disliked people as most wanders tend to do. I stopped for a moment and just watched. He was outside moving around, it looked like he was gathering his things. He would have to gather a little faster.

            "Morning." I called as I approached, "Sleep well?"

            The look that crossed his face when he saw me caused my heart to stutter. "Quite," he gave me one of his rare smiles. Not the half smirk that he gave when someone surprised him with their wit, but an actual _smile_. One that showed his teeth and added little crinkles to the corners of his eyes. "I am surprised to see you this early, _vhenan_. Is everything alright?"

            A lot of people were asking that. Well not a lot but Josephine asked that too and it was making me wonder if I was doing something unusual. "No, why would they?"

            "At this time you are normally with the Herald and Amara." He straightened as I stopped before him. His gaze was drawn to the pack on my back. I placed a hand on his chest and pushed up to my toes to press a kiss to his jaw. "You are going somewhere."

            "We are." I corrected, giddy when he wrapped an arm around me and pressed his lips against my temple. Man but I had it bad. "Cullen has asked that I go to Skyhold, I figured you'd want to be among the first to arrive so I told him I needed you as a guide which isn't technically a lie-"

            He cut my ramblings off with a tilt of my chin and those potent lips of his. It was chaste, not something that lovers shared in public but still it squeezed my heart.

            "You are not required to explain your actions, love." Solas chuckled, "Though it is pleasing you thought of me. I had thought… well it matters not." His brows furrowed slightly and I became suspicious.

            "You thought what?" I pressed, looping an arm around his waist.

            He was quiet for a moment and it looked like he was debating something. "That you changed your mind. We have not spent much time in each other's company in recent weeks." I winced, it was entirely true. I'd been busier the last two week than I had been my entire time in the Inquisition, which says _a lot_ because Leliana worked me like a horse. "And our last night spent together you stayed outside the tent."

            "Oh that… I… er…" I pushed my hair behind my ears and sighed. "I want to show you something, but I'm not sure how to."

            "What is it? Perhaps I can be of assistance."

            "My past. The good one, not the… no one needs to see that one but I want to show you what my life was like when I wandered the stars." Among other things. Solas believed so many negative things about himself, I just didn't see them; not the way he did.

            His eyes widened for half a second before they softened, "I did not think you would ever… it is a gift, thank you. Tonight when we enter the fade, may I seek you out?"

            "Do you need my permission to enter my dreams?" I asked with a cocked brow.

            "It is considered polite to ask before intruding." So the answer was no.

            "Then why ask? You've found me in the fade before and you never bothered to ask."

            "Those were… unusual circumstances and I did not wish to continue the trend." He sounded slightly exasperated.

            I grinned at him, "Aw… look at my little wolfie…" He shot me a glare, "Will this help me show you?"

            "Certain abilities I possess allow me to shape the fade from other people's memories, if I desire too." That was a yes.

            "Well that's all you needed to say," I giggled at the look on his face. "I'm difficult I know. Come on, we need to pick our team."

            "Our?"

            "Yup, you are my second in command! I'm stealing you; Ellana is just going to have to make do with two mages." I laced my fingers through his and started tugging.

            " _Vhenan_ there are still a few of my belongings to gather." He pulled me back to him, "You will pick a splendid team without my presence."

            "I'm taking Caleb." I warned as I started backing away. Solas' gaze hardened slightly. "Don't give me that look, he isn't staying where he can try shit with her again."

            "Very well."

 

Cullen gathered every one of the soldiers under his command and a few others opted into traveling with me.

            "I don't see the mages." I commented quietly as I stood off to the side with Cullen. "There is one in particular I want to take."

            "You want a mage?" Cullen asked, "I thought you were looking for soldiers in case Solas was wrong."

            "Heh…" I shook my head, "No I need man power. If we're going there I might as well get started clearing away any debris or unwanted junk. But _he_ is going with me because he pissed me off and I want him under my supervision where he can't do it again."

            Cullen covered his eyes with a hand before allowing it to fall down his face. "Caleb."

            "Yup." I put extra emphasis on the 'p'. "Little shit."

            "Amara is in no danger from him. Fiona and I have seen-"

            "Doesn't matter, I don't like his kind and I want him under my thumb." I glared at Cullen, "I've seen his type before and if it isn't Amara he's trying to get to it will be another woman or child and I won't have that kind of shit running rampant in my Inquisition."

            " _Your_ Inquisition?"

            "You know what I mean." I sighed, "Look, I don't trust him alright? If it turns out things just got out of hand, fine I'll back off, but not only did he try to take Amara against his will but he also tried to kill Gypsy when she defended Amara."

            "I have no control over the mages." Cullen stated, "When Ellana recruited them it was as our allies. If Caleb does not wish to go no one can make him."

            "You're shitting me, right?"

            "No." Cullen's gaze was flat. "We can ask for him, but I doubt he wants to be anywhere near you. Not after your… disagreement with Bull. And you haven't exactly endeared yourself to the mages, many of them do not look kindly on Amara being separated from her kind."

            "Her _kind_?" I scoffed, "She isn't a different species, she simply has a gift that others do not." I shook my head and stepped forward to address the soldiers. "I have two, potentially three, spaces open for a team I'm looking to build." My gaze swept among them. "No one will be forced to join me, I want volunteers. Are any willing present?"

            Of the hundred or so present, around forty stepped forward. I thought I'd get ten at most and be able to pick from there. Fuck me. I glanced at Cullen. He nodded and stepped forward, "Those of you that have not stepped forward are dismissed." I stepped back as Cullen paced back and forth in front of his men. "The Anointed and I have discussed several items in regards to this position. It will be permanent." His gaze was hard as he looked at each of them, "You will no longer be an Inquisition soldier, you will be under her direct command. It will not be an easy position. She travels across the world to complete her missions. If this does not sound like something you are willing to do you are dismissed."

            Fifteen left.

            "If you have a family, a husband or wife or a child, waiting for you I ask for you to consider their feelings in this matter." I spoke, Cullen stepped back. He wasn't looking at me but at those that remained. "I am not easy to get along with, we will not be friends, we will not be glory seekers. You will most likely hate me, hate me more than anyone in your life but you will be mine. I will defend you to the bitter end. Your life becomes my life; I become responsible for you and your actions. Anything that reflects badly upon you is a mark against me and punishment will be doled out if you fuck up." I glared at all of them before continuing.

            "We will be on the front lines, we will have messy missions, we will not be in the spot light. Any of you that are looking to join me just for fame, leave now. I want nothing to do with it. If you remain and I find out you are seeking attention for your actions, if I hear you are boasting of what we have accomplished… it will be ugly and you will be pitied. I am not nice, and I will not be nice."

            Another ten left. I was down to fifteen soldiers. It was an easier number to manage. I wasn't sure how well Cullen knew his soldiers but I was about to find out.

            "Those of you that are still here, you will stand in _that spot_." I barked, a little of my Turian shining through, "If I come back and the snow around your feet is disturbed, if I think you have moved _at all_ you will not be considered for this position. Am I understood?"

            A round of 'yes ma'am' was sounded off and I turned to stomp toward Cullen.

            "Fuck there is more of them than I thought. Which do you recommend?" He gave me a dry look.

            "You realize you are pilfering my men and asking which ones I like?"

            I grinned at him, "That is exactly what I'm doing." He chuckled and shook his head. "Keep in mind I need people who are not prejudice against anyone, despite background or race. Solas will most likely be traveling with me frequently, so any who are afraid of mages or do not work well are out of the question as well."

            He glared over my shoulder at them, eyes examining each of them. "I don't know all of them by name, but I will do what I can." He dismissed another eight. From the seven left I could make a decision. "Anything else?"

            "Coffee?" I batted my eyelashes at him and he scoffed and shook his head.

            "Ask Roland," he tossed over his shoulder before he strode out of my line of sight.

            I sighed. "Damn it." My shoulders slumped and I spun too look at the seven remaining. "You can move now. Relax as well, I'm not going to bite." The seven of them looked warily at each other before doing as I asked. There were two women and five men. "Alright, let's get real here, okay? That bravado before was all bullshit. Well… most of it. I'm not difficult to get along with, I have no idea what kind of missions we'll be getting. It might be a lot of sitting around doing drills, or playing cards and drinking. We might be sent to Rivain on a hunch that one of their Seers knows what Corypheus is doing, or we might walk willingly into the jaws of dragons. I have no idea and I am full of shit.

            "Now, I want you to know that while you probably won't hate me, I won't be your favorite person either. Your fighting habits… I will break them. We will run drills and we will _fight together_ until I am convinced that you know what the person standing next to you is thinking and you can predict their next fifty moves. I have three spots, three. Four of you are going to remain with Commander Cullen, however I will keep your names in case the three I choose are not good fits. Knowing all of this, knowing the hard work ahead of us, are all of you still willing to join my team?" All of them nodded. "Good. Now, a quick test."

            "You… you are testing us on our knowledge?" It was one of the men who asked. I winked at him and shook my head.

            "We have Corypheus cornered, but there is a complication. He has a child as a hostage, and there is no way to kill him without killing the child. Now, in a weird twist of fate, if you let him go the child survives. If you let him go it is possible that thousands more die. If you don't it is certain one child will die. What do you do?" Morality is what I was looking for. It was a stupid off the wall question but I wanted to know what they would do if they were put in a hard position.

            "One child is not worth thousands." The man spoke confidently. I raked my eyes over him and refused to allow emotion to crawl across my face. He was tall, broad shoulders, bulging muscles. A scar over his left eye and five o'clock shadow.

            "Thank you," I stated. "Stand over there." I pointed to my left. A look of superiority shone in his eye. I didn't blink and turned to regard the remaining troops. "If you agree with him, go stand next to him." I watched with a passiveness that I didn't feel as four more went to stand next to him. I regarded the two that were left standing next to me. "Why?"

            "Because I can't accept there is nothing I can do to stop Corypheus besides kill the kid." Her voice was soft, "It is guaranteed that the kid will survive, but maybe we stop Corypheus before he kills anyone else."

            I didn't blink as I waited for the other to answer me. I looked at him and waited.

            "I have a lad of my own, and if the child was mine I'd hope someone would have mercy so he could come home." There was a fierce look in his eyes as he gazed down at me. "I won't kill a child."

            "Good, go pack, you're coming with me."

            "What?!" I spun to look at bulging muscles and there was a look of outrage on his face.

            "Leave your names with Cullen." I replied as I started away from them. There was the crunching of snow underfoot and it was coming straight for me. Whoever it was it sounded like they were running, heavy footed. Dropping to a knee I twisted, biotic blue coating a hand as I slammed the oncoming threat to the ground. "Except for you. I wouldn't leave your name with Cullen. Not unless you want him to know who to punish."

            I could only see one eye as he glared at me. I stood and stared at him until he gained his feet. The other four that stood next to him watched with narrowed eyes. None of those that chose as he did would ever be on my team. It took a long time for them to leave, but it turns out none of them wanted a piece of me.

            Turning slowly I wondered how much they knew about me. When I looked up I saw that both of my new squad mates were standing behind me, watching the others leave.

            My head tilted back and I laughed, full bellied. When I straightened they were still standing there. "I approve." I nodded, "Meet me at the north edge of camp in thirty minutes."

 

We were short a horse. The Inquisition could spare exactly two horses, but Leliana asked that Roland be a part of my team. Leliana could ask anything and if it was in my power to give I would. She gave me a place to belong and accepted me before anyone else had on this world. When they turned on me she demanded I stay in her employment. She was a friend, and a woman that I had grown to admire these last months.

            There were five of us and I wouldn't leave a man behind, not now at the beginning of our relationship.

            Bread nudged me and Gypsy watched him with a wary eye. I pushed his head away and offered him a pilfered apple.

            "We haven't been introduced yet," I smiled as my new male and female companions joined me. "My name is-"

            "Luna," the woman blurted out and then promptly blushed. "Sorry."

            I blinked, "It's okay. What's your name?"

            "Emma." She smiled softly at me. I nodded at her. She had copper colored skin, black hair, a deep chestnut colored eyes and a beauty mark under her right eye. She stood easily six inches over me and looked like she'd seen hard work every day of her life.

            "A pleasure Emma." I held out a hand and she grasped my forearm in hers. "And you sir?"

            "Tomen." He held out his hand and I quickly shook. He was compact in every form of the word except for height. He stood shoulder to shoulder with Solas, though he wasn't quite as lean as my wolf. Tomen had a deep tan, clean shaven face, and eyes so black I couldn't tell where the iris ended and the pupil began. Though he had a very warm smile. "It's a pleasure to be working alongside you Anointed."

            "Ah… no… see that isn't becoming a thing among us." My voice was firm, "I am Luna, if you are uncomfortable calling me by my name I am your superior officer. Sir will do."

            "Yes sir."

            "It'll fade." Roland assured as he strode forward.

            "Coffee?" I asked with wide eyes. Roland chuckled at me and held out a flask. "Oh you blessed creature." Popping the cork I drank and spat it out. "This isn't coffee." I looked at him and squinted my eyes. "Who put you up to this?"

            Roland pointed at Solas.

            "Betrayer!" I hissed as Solas approached us. "You would dare turn my own men against me?"

            "It's water, _vhenan_." Solas chided as he leaned down to press a kiss to the top of my head, "You must stay hydrated."

            I grumbled and shoved the flask into Bread's saddle bags. "Still rude." Emma and Tomen looked at a loss for words. I cleared my throat. "Solas, Roland I am happy to introduce our newest members. Emma," she gave a bow, "and Tomen," he just nodded. "They are traveling with us to Skyhold."

            "Where is Caleb?" Solas looked around. My expression grew dark.

            "Cullen could not secure the mage's help in that department. Several of them frown upon me because of Amara. Caleb will not be joining us."

            "How could anyone not want to travel with you?" Roland joked as he mounted his horse. Emma and Tomen were slowly counting the remaining three horses. I saw when they came to the same conclusion I had.

            Someone was riding double.

            I slapped a hand to Solas' chest. "You're with me, love." Solas sucked in a breath and I turned to look at him. "You okay?" There was a look of shock in his face. What did I say?

            "Yes." His voice was soft and his gaze drifted toward our company. He looked like he would give anything for us to be alone.

            "…right." I spun back to the others. "Don't get attached to these horses." I pointed to Solas' mare. "That one is normally Solas' her name is Shell, today however Tomen she'll be yours. As for your horse Emma, I am unsure of his abilities but if he is incapable of keeping up with Bread we won't be able to keep him."

            I looked at everyone. Damn but I was becoming responsible in so many ways it was scary.

            "Anyone have any objections before we head out?" No one responded. "Very well, shall we?"

            I hopped into the saddle, barely managing to contain the beast that was Bread and only long enough for Solas to slide into place behind me. Then the five—excuse me, _six_ —of us were off. Gypsy loped easily next to Bread.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luna has a team!!! It's so exciting! New faces because it isn't like the Anointed can run off with the Herald's team. She has to get her own. And oh man Solas isn't happy about one of them.... But that is in future chapters! 
> 
> Smut is next chapter, for those of you who are waiting for that. 
> 
> Is smut an appropriate gift for Halloween?
> 
> HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And how do you see me?" He sounded angry, and that was not the point of this exercise. Not the point of me ripping open old wounds. I didn't do this on a whim. "Do you still distrust me?"  
> "Do you trust me?" I shot back, "Just because we know each other's secrets does not mean we know every little detail about each other."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! We are looking at some interesting bits of past for Luna and some interesting beginnings for our ill-fated love birds!
> 
> Yes, as I promised there is smut in this chapter. If that's what you're here for, please find it past the dream.

We made it most of the way to Skyhold. It loomed above us like a giant shadow as the sun began to seek shelter behind the mountain tops. The temperature dropped quickly once the sun set. Tomen and Roland quickly worked on setting up the tents while Emma got a fire going. Solas saw to the horses while I quietly slipped from camp to find a game animal for us to eat tonight.

            I lucked into three nugs. How the hairless creatures survived this far up the mountains… they were surprisingly hardy creatures.

            As we sat around the fire everyone was quiet. It was normal of Solas but not for Roland and I had no idea what was normal for Tomen and Emma.

            When Emma stood and headed for her tent I asked for her to stop.

            "Before we all turn in for the night, I want to learn one thing about you." I looked between Tomen and Emma. "Anything of your choosing, from your age to your favorite food. And you can ask me one question."

            "I was born in the summer." Emma was quiet. She had been quiet every time she spoke other than when she blurted out my name. Was she looking to please me when she said it or was she just excited. "What is your favorite food?"

            "Enchiladas." I smiled at her, "I know you've never heard of it, perhaps one day I'll make it for you." I looked at Tomen expectedly and he sighed.

            "My boy's name is Marco." His words were more of a grunt. "Why did you ask us that question about Corypheus?"

            I watched him for a moment before I spoke. "I don't want heroics. I don't want someone who is willing to make the hard choices. Those are mine, and if I do my job you'll never have to make one. Only carry mine out. Anything we do, anything you don't agree with, let it be on my conscience."

            Without waiting for either of them to say or do anything I stood and headed for my tent. "Make sure the fire is out before you go to bed."

            As I lay in my bedroll I heard Tomen ask one more question. "She said we'd hate her, was she right?"

            "No." Solas was quiet but with my elf ears I heard him anyway. "She will make you want to, but you will be incapable of it."

            I pushed my face into his pillow and relaxed into sleep. Sweet talker.

 

_When Solas slipped into my dream, I felt it. It was like a ripple across my very soul. It's strange to say but Ms. Flame lifted her head and I knew she was just… awake and waiting for him. Turning I searched for him. It was unnecessary. Arms, warm and feeling of home, slipped around my waist and he pulled me back against his chest._

_"Hello,_ vhenan _." He whispered, his breath falling across the top of my ear. I shuddered as it sent a wave of chills down the side of my body._

_"Are you ready?" I asked quietly as I spun in his embrace. My hands framed the sides of his face. "There is no going back, once you've seen what I was… it may change everything." His eyes searched mine._

_"Think of the memory." His thumb rose and brushed something off my cheek. "Close your eyes and picture every detail. Hold it clearly in your mind, and I will shape it into reality."_

_My lashes touched my cheek as I thought of that day. It flashed too quickly through my mind and I forced myself to stop at the one point I wanted to show him. That particular day had been full of pain and panic._

_"Okay," my word was a sigh against his lips. I hadn't realized he was that close. Lightly they brushed mine and when he pulled away I heard him gasp and I slid from his arms. I opened my eyes and my gaze glazed over as the memory played out before my eyes._

_The Citadel was being ravaged. The arms had already closed and Sovereign was attempting to open the massive relay that would lead more of the Reapers into the Milky Way. I laced my hands through his and I gently pushed off of the platform we stood on. We drifted. The fade was really a marvelous thing. For it to be able to shape something that had never happened in this reality…_

_"I'm in that ship." I pointed at the Normandy. It's sleek form drifting in and out of the debris that cluttered the area. Joker really was the best pilot. "Do you remember how I told you there was a ship that was half organic half machine?" I finally turned to look at Solas. His eyes were wide and everywhere he looked something was being blown up. "That's it." My voice was dark and dripping with anger._

_I knew that hatred was etched into every inch of my face. Sovereign. And then somehow they managed to get out of dark space. I can't for the life of me remember how. I don't think Garrus told me._

_"How?" Solas whispered, "How is this possible?"_

_"Which part? Space flight? Different species from different planets?" I released his hand and he froze the moment. Pain pulled in my chest. I looked at the scene from every angle. Shepard opted to save the Council, their flag ship was still intact. I tapped his shoulder lightly, "There." I pointed. "Zoom in, if you can." By now Shepard had made it from Ilos and I got off the ship to meet up with her._

_On the pillar at the center of the Citadel were a group of people. Geth were quickly surrounding them. A phantom pain flashed on my right side._

_"Bastard had better than average aim." I laughed as a Turian shape took a hit and went down. "That machine broke part of my outer plating that day. It wasn't the same since."_

_"That was you?" Solas sounded shocked._

_"You didn't think I was always an elf?" I chuckled. "That one there," I pointed to a human in red armor. "That's Jane Shepard, she was our leader."_

_"What happened to her?"_

_"…I assume she died saving the Milky Way." My voice was soft. There had been no way for her to get out. It was a sacrifice. "It was the second time she died for these ungrateful cretins." I drifted through the empty space until I was next to Solas. "Come, this isn't the only thing I wanted to show you."_

_Melancholy filled my veins and I wanted nothing more than to step from this nightmare. This day haunted my dreams and now I was just giving it fuel. There would be more nightmares that plagued me and it would stem from this moment. But I needed him to see. He had to understand._

_I pulled the next image into my mind and nodded at him. It sounded like someone punched him and I knew that the next memory formed._

_We were on Palaven. "This is the Turian home world." I saw me rushing by, a shotgun held in my hand. "We were no match for them, but I tried anyway." My Turian body got into shuttle and I knew where I was headed. We were going there next. "It is a cycle that they go through, every fifty thousand years. They come and wipe out any space fairing species, leaving virtually no trace of their existence."_

_I shuddered as the sound of a Reaper weapon blasted into the air. The whirling sound it made before it went off, and then the gut wrenching horn like fire. Solas was watching me._

_"_ Vhenan _?" He whispered._

_"That sound torments me regularly."_

_Turian children screamed. Women cried. Whole families gone in the blink of an eye. After Palaven I threw everything I had into the sub-reality device. Mordin had not been available to help me; he was busy working to cure the genophage. That didn't mean I hadn't had the schematics for it. The concept had been solid, I just needed to build it. And the Reapers showing up on the Milky Way's doorstep had been the kick in the ass that I needed. This day had been an eye opener._

_"Earth fell first, but I wasn't there for that one. Earth was my first home and I didn't have the heart to watch it fall."_

_"Why are you showing me these things?" He sounded torn and I watched him as he watched me. Ash drifted across the space that separated us. "What purpose does this serve?"_

_"One more." I whispered, "And then I'll answer your question."_

_The scene jumped. We were on the moon that belonged to Palaven. "This is a Turian base. Here their resistance was born. And here is where I came next, in a vain attempt to save a species I didn't belong to."_

_Shepard ran past me._

_"Was she everywhere tragedy struck?"_

_"She chased it like it was a storm." I replied softly, "Though without her, everyone would have perished."_

_A Banshee ran toward the human cloaked in red. "What is that creature?"_

_"It was an Asari. She was probably an Asari Huntress before she was turned. The Reapers have a way of enslaving the different races and turning them against their people. It was a very ugly war fought for a seemingly stupid reason." My eyes tracked her movements. Disjointed and ungraceful. It was everything that Asari were not. "So much like the Red Templars." I whispered, the similarities were uncanny, "Indoctrination, that's what the Reapers did. It took over everything, just like being infected with red lyrium."_

_A reaper landed behind us in the distance. The sound of its beam shooting off again whistled through the air._

_He wrapped his arms around me and pushed a hand against my ear. I smiled against his shirt. Solas was trying to block out the sound. It was a very sweet thing for him to do._

_"Have you seen enough?" I mumbled into the sleeve of his shirt._

_"Yes." His tone was clipped and everything flashed for a second before we ended up in the raw form of the fade. A green sky greeted me. It wasn't the strangest thing I've ever seen. Solas stepped away from me and stared out into the distance. The Black City floated, always visible, never close._

_"To answer your earlier question, I wanted to show you these things so you'd have perspective." He was silent so I continued. "You seem to think you are some… horrible person because you attempted to do something to **save** your people. I wanted you to see something truly horrific so you'd see you how I do." _

_"And how do you see me?" He sounded angry, and that was not the point of this exercise. Not the point of me ripping open old wounds. I didn't do this on a whim. "Do you still distrust me?"_

_"Do you trust me?" I shot back, "Just because we know each other's secrets does not mean we know every little detail about each other. You see yourself as a monster! I see you as a desperate man willing to do anything to save his people. You are no different than Jane Shepard!" I was shouting now, "She was willing to make the hard decisions so that the species that inhabited the planets that dotted the Milky Way could draw another breath but I guarantee you that if she failed she would have been reviled. Hell, half the fucking known universe thought she was insane before the Reapers attacked Earth! No one believed her and they hated her. Grounded her, stripped her of her rank and cast her out of the Military! They put her under **house arrest**. But still she fought to save them, because that is what Jane did." _

_Solas rushed me and I stood my ground. He had the upper hand in the fade but I'd be damned before-_

_His hands yanked me against him and his lips crashed against mine. Our teeth scraped together uncomfortably but he didn't stop. If we'd been in the waking world his hand would have left a bruise on my hip, I relished it though._

_A hand was fisted in my hair and he pulled with just enough force to pull me up to my toes. Pain mixed with pleasure in the most intoxicating way. He was everywhere, his scent filled my nose and the fabric under my fingertips was so complex I was convinced that it was real._

_The kiss broke and I groaned as he move steadily down my neck, a series of open mouth wet kisses trailed across my skin. The hand on my hip moved to push the hem of my shirt up. It was all I could do to stay standing._

_"Wake up." A kiss was pressed against my lips as he held me against him. " **Wake up**." _

Solas had my back pinned to his chest when my eyes snapped open. One of his arms was like a band of iron across my chest. The fingers of his free hand gripped the hem of my shirt. His shirt actually. I hadn't had the heart to give it back. I loved sleeping in the fucking thing.

            "Say no and I will stop." He whispered. I pressed my lips together tightly. Fingers wrapped around my chin as he rolled onto his back, they pushed until my head was facing him. My breath hitched as a knee slid between mine and pulled my legs open. Storm blue eyes were half lidded and I groaned through clenched teeth as his free hand ghosted over my inner thigh. "Last chance my love."

            "Please." I hissed, my hips moved of their own accord trying to get him to touch me. I ached and I had no clue how I was already this aroused but fuck me if he didn't… well fuck me I was going to lose it.

            His fingers were rough against my slick and he moaned, pressing his mouth against my shoulder in attempt to muffle the noise. I sucked in a rough breath and bucked my hips at the contact. I started to squirm in attempt to do his work for him. He chuckled but rolled us over until his hand was pinned between my hips and the ground and I was pinned between his hips and the ground.

            "Is this alright?" He pressed a kiss to the spot where my jaw met my neck. He may have had my hips pinned with his but he was holding most of his upper weight on an elbow.

            Solas surrounded me with his whole body but I didn't feel caged. He stilled when I didn't answer and I groaned at the loss of friction.

            "Don't stop." I whispered. "Please." The last word was hardly a word at all.

            "I won't," he promised, quick kisses peppered from my temple to the corner of my mouth, "as long as you let me know if you are uncomfortable."

            I nodded quickly. A low growl emanated from him and he lifted his hips long enough to reposition me before he pressed me into the ground again. His fingers slid in circles around that little bundle of nerves with little resistance, and when one slid into me I _whined_ like I never had before.

            He stilled, head twisting away from me and we stayed like that for a long moment. "Quiet, love." One of my hands slid up to grip at the edge of the bedroll and I nodded at him. One finger turned into two and I pushed against his hips in attempt to move mine. He chuckled low in his throat and pressed harder with his hips, determined to hold me in place. "Don't rush."

            My hand searched until I found his, my fingers twined with his and he shifted position so he could claim my lips with his. Tongues met and engaged in a frenzied battle. The kiss was passionate, a mixing of teeth and tongues. His fingers curled inside of me, ever seeking for something while his thumb made constant passes against my clit that were too light to actually push me over the edge. My whole body was alive with pleasure and I was just about to go insane with want.

            Solas was not lying; he was in no way shape or form _bad_ at sex. He held me on the cusp longer than I would ever admit to him and just before I was about to fall off that ledge he pulled back and watched as I panted and writhed under him. He whispered things to me that I'm sure would have made me blush if I understood Elvhen.

            "Solas," I groaned as he pulled me back from the edge for what must have been the eighth time.

            "My heart?" His tone was sweet and innocent but I could see the gleam in his eye. This was a calculated maneuver to get me to beg. He was in for a surprise. I hadn't begged for anything in my life since I left Earth.

            "If you keep this up much longer I am liable to scream and wake the whole mountain."

            "Do it." He coaxed, "They will know _I_ made you scream." Cocky bastard. His fingers slowed inside me again and he pressed another kiss to the corner of my lips. "Will you?"

            I opened my mouth and he was there in an instant, covering my lips with his again. Pressure was _finally_ given to me and my vision went white. He swallowed the sound of my scream as his fingers rode me over the edge. Muscles clenched around air as his fingers disappeared and his weight vanished from my back.

            I drifted for a while and when I was aware again I was on my back with Solas looming over me.

            "There she is." He whispered. Kisses, warm and wet ran down the side of my neck. "You are so beautiful." A hand cupped my breast and a thumb ran over my nipple. They stiffened instantly, the fabric of my shirt rough against them. I had enough.

            My legs wrapped around his waist and I pushed and shoved until I was on top. "Cruel." I hissed, "That was cruel and you _know_ it."

            "And here I thought you'd told Blackwall you like it _all ways_." That knowing smirk was back and his fingers twined gently in my hair, "Such admissions should only be given to lovers, whispered quietly in the dark, else it could be used against you." Jealousy tinged his words. My stomach twisted and my heart hammered in my chest. What was he doing to me?

            I growled lowly under my breath but when he tugged me to him I was more than willing. His fingers glided down the arch of my back to tangle in the hem of my shirt. Slowly he tugged it up until my arms were sliding free of it and I was sitting in his lap. His hand slid down until it was between my shoulder blades. He sat up and caught one of my nipples in his mouth while his free hand rolled the other between his fingers.

            My hand cradled his head to me and I ground my hips against his. He groaned and the hand on my breast disappeared until it slid between us to fumble with the ties of his pants. It was a long moment before he sprang free and I twisted until his cock was pushed up against his belly. His hand slid around to the back of my thigh and he tried to pull me up but I rolled my hips forward and slid back down.

            He shuddered under me and I repeated the motion. His response was to bite into the spot where my shoulder joined my neck and snarl. His other hand moved down to my waist and this time he managed to pull me up. A laugh escaped from the back of my throat, but it died when he slid into me.

            It burned in the sweetest of ways. I stretched around him. His arms slipped around me, holding me close. My breath caught and he went completely still. I shifted in his grasp and he groaned as he slid another inch into me.

            "Don't push." He pleaded, his voice tight. I shifted again and pushed until he was fully hilted inside of me. My head dropped back and I moaned in sinful delight. Every nerve was alight with his touch and he hissed when I moved up a little and dropped back down. " _Vhenan_." He warned and I loved the sound. So I did it again.

            One of his arms dropped around my waist and pinned me to him, in the same movement he rolled us over so I was on my back.

            "Behave." He chided.

            "Never." I gave him one of my own half smirks and he gave me a dangerous look. "Or should I say… make me?" I punctuated it with a roll of my hips and his grip tightened.

            " _Ma nuvenin_." And then he moved. My back arched as he pulled out until everything but his head was gone and I whined at him. My hands tugging at his shoulders in attempt to squiggle down. His hips snapped forward and I let out a silent scream. It was the only way to keep myself quiet through the friction and pleasure. He repeated the motion and the tips of my fingers dug into his back. "It seems I have your attention." My nails raked down his back and he hissed but never faltered.

            Each movement was bliss, each thrust built me up higher until I felt like I was about to vanish. To stop being me. I had no idea where he stopped and I began. Fingers were once more at my clit and I felt him throbbing inside of me. I gasped and pulled until my face was buried in the crook of his neck. I chased my own pleasure with a single mindedness that I rarely experienced.

            When the second orgasm slammed into me I muffled my scream with my teeth in his neck. He groaned and held my head to him. My walls fluttered and flexed around him. His hips stuttered once, and then again. His hands gripped me with bruising force and I reveled in the feeling.

            Solas rolled until he was on his back and I straddled him. He pressed soft kisses to my shoulder and I leaned back until I could look at him.

            " _Ar lath, ma vhenan_." He whispered. I moved until I could claim his lips. The kiss was soft but it carried a promise that made my heart ache. "Sleep, my love. We have a long few days ahead of us."

            I laid my head back down against his shoulder and fell asleep to the sound of his thudding heart and rapid breathing. It wasn't twenty eight years of sex, but—and forgive me for it—oh my god it was among the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She's come a long way for a girl who doesn't like to cuddle.


	27. Arrival at Skyhold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas chuckled softly behind me. "What you showed me in the fade… this pales in comparison to the technology you had and yet you are delighted by this." When I looked back at him he looked astonished.
> 
> "The shower." I said simply as I pointed at it. "You need to get me out of this room before I get naked."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings! I hope everyone had a lovely Halloween and Samhain. 
> 
> Thank you for the kudos and the comments. Guys you are flipping amazing!

Gypsy licked me awake, a quiet whine slipping from between her open jaws. Using the back of my hand I pushed her face away from mine. Hot wolf breath was not the best way to wake up. She pushed back and I growled as I rolled over. Muscles pulled in all the right places, I _ached_ in the most wonderful fashion.

            " _On'dhea, ara vhenan_." Solas whispered as he pressed a kiss to my temple. I hummed at him as I stretched.

            Gypsy whined again and pushed toward me, laying her head over mine. Solas grimaced when she ran her tongue up the side of his face. I giggled. Gypsy, it seemed, was finally warming up to Solas.

            "Aww… k-cute!" Solas glared at me, "Hey, maybe it's my smell all over you? We could make an experiment out of it!" I pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose and rolled out of our sleeping spot. Twisting I yanked out a dirty piece of clothing and wiped down. It _should_ have been done last night and heaven forbid I get a UTI because of this shit. There would be hell to pay.

            Solas swiped his hand in my direction, fingers reaching for anything that could be used to pull me back. "It is too early, _vhenan_ , return to bed."

            "Oh no," I smiled as I rolled farther away from him. "We have shit to do this morning lover, and me returning to…." My gaze met his and he gave me one of those delicious little half smirks. "Yeah, _that_ , and I have to be responsible." Fucking walking sex god.

            "Ma'am?" My head twisted toward the entrance to the tent. Wow, someone else was awake at…? I turned to look for the sun and when I didn't find it I finished dressing and pointed at Solas.

            "Dressed, we leave soon."

            " _Ma nuvenin_." Solas sighed as he dropped his head back onto the pillow. Groaning I quickly pounced on him and kissed him thoroughly.

            "Not a word." I growled as I rolled out of the tent. Gypsy barked her opinion and I grumbled at her. "I don't need your approval little bug."

            She barked again.

            "Because I fucking said so, go bug Solas." Her head disappeared from the tent opening and I heard Solas groan. She must have flopped on him. Love that little wolf to pieces. "Tomen!" I exclaimed as I gained my feet. "You're awake early, sun hasn't even risen yet."

            "The three of us took watch." His tone was flat and I realized that was something we hadn't set up. They'd done it anyway but neither Solas nor I had participated and it kind of made me feel like shit. I didn't want them thinking that I was above such duties. And it caused a little spark of pride that they took the initiative and did it themselves.

            "Ah… yeah sorry I've been traveling alone for longer than I'd admit to anyone so keeping watch isn't something I'm used to." I shook my head, "I'm grateful you guys did that, truly. Tonight we'll draw lots to see who keeps watch."

            His chin jerked down once. He certainly was outspoken and with such short sentences.

            "Wake the others for me? I'll get started on food." Tomen nodded again before he dropped back to the other two tents. A sigh escaped my lips and I rolled my head on my shoulders. We had some nug left over and a little bit of wine. Enough that it would warm the others. As much as I wanted to morning drink today was not that day.

            It took me a bit of searching but I found a large pot. Wandering a bit away from camp I packed clean snow into it. Stew was warm and it would warm us all up. It would be more like nug soup, which… nug tasted like chicken. I had expected it to taste like pork seeing as how nugs were like tiny pigs but no such luck.

            I was really starting to miss bacon. My fingers worked quickly to pull meat off the nug bones. Gypsy had already slunked out of our tent and was giving me doe eyes. As soon as the bones were relatively free of meat I threw them at her one at a time. Her jaws snapped and the sound of bones crunching sent a shiver up my spine. How could I not have realized how large she'd gotten?

            Soon the other four joined us. Solas flicked his fingers and the snow melted at a rapid pace. I dumped the nug meat into the boiling water along with several of my own spices; among them were salt and a few cloves of garlic. It went by a different name here but I didn't know what it was.

            "It's not much." I yawned as the food finished cooking. Roland— _fucking saint_ —brought out the coffee and my hands made little grabbing gestures. "But eat up. We're securing the fortress and starting on cleaning it up."

            There was a round of grumbles but all of them ate. I mostly picked at mine, sipping at the broth. My stomach was unsettled. I had no idea what we would find at Skyhold. It had been weeks since we'd seen it from a distance. Solas was still insistent that there was nothing there. Though he had said larger than a goat. That meant there could be smaller creatures there, like snakes or… I shivered, unwilling to think of the creepy crawlies that might lurk in the deep recesses of the ancient fortress.

            After breakfast camp was broken down quickly. I dropped several sugar cubes into Solas' hand and pointed at Bread. My horse had been extremely unhappy at the second passenger and attempt to throw both of us several times yesterday.

            "Make nice."

            "Where do you obtain all of these little treats for him?" Solas asked as he examined the cubes.

            "I take my coffee black." I shrugged as my fingers wound through Gypsy's fur. "Most assume that I like sugar so they bring them to me. I never said anything because they are good bribes for horses."

            He arched one of his eyebrows at me but turned toward Bread. My horse flared his nostrils and pawed at the ground as Solas approached.

            "Ma'am?" Spinning I looked at Emma. "We are ready to depart."

            "Excellent!" I held out a hand, "Emma, I have a quick question for you…" the woman stepped closer and I laid a hand on her arm, "You are so… soft spoken. What made you decide to join the Inquisition?"

            "The Herald," her response was simple. Or I thought it was. "At least, at first. I was inspired by an elf that would stand for all of Thedas, and then I saw how she treated you."

            "Oh?" I asked, eyes widening slowly, "And how did she treat me?"

            "I was there," Emma's voice got quieter and she leaned in as if sharing some great secret, "the day you were brought back covered in mud and bound. The Herald had a look on her face that I didn't like; I thought you'd gone bad. Why else would the Herald look at you like that?" Emma looked down at me, "And then you saved her. I know you don't hear a lot of what the soldiers say about you." Her voice was gaining in volume but she was still quiet. "They look up to you, now more than ever."

            Fucking lovely. I wasn't going to be here forever, didn't want to stand in the lime light any more than I had to and here was a woman telling me that most of the soldiers were watching me.

            "Thank you," I nodded at her, trying—and mostly failing I suspect—to keep a smile on my face.

            "What I don't understand is… why?" Emma's face was open and honest and brimming with curiosity. "Why save her after how she treated you?"

            I watched Emma for a long moment. My eyes darting back and forth between hers and I wondered why it was so important to her. Tilting my head I told her why. Why I did it.

            "Because I had to." Simple and honest, just like the look on Emma's face. "I know most of the Inquisition soldiers don't know what happened in Redcliffe, many of you aren't aware of…" I cleared my throat. They were part of my team now, they would find out sooner or later. "Aren't aware of what I am capable of. I hid it, for a long time, because I was afraid. Ellana was thrown into a future where she wasn't present for many things. Simply put it was a horrible future, and I did some bad things while under the control of a monster. She is young and held it against me.

            "I saved her because she is essential to the survival of Thedas as we know it. I don't know what that future was like, not completely. But I knew enough and that made me act. Ellana is _necessary_ and I will do whatever it takes to make sure she stays alive."

            "But…?" Emma asked. My eyes widened. Just how much did this soft spoken woman _actually_ see? It was the quiet ones you needed to watch out for. Solas should have been proof enough of that concept, but it seemed that I was in need of further lessons on the subject.

            "But," I gave her a soft smile, "it does not mean that things between Ellana and I are the same. I highly doubt that we will be drinking buddies any time soon. I… scare her."

            "If you want to be her friend, why act any differently?"

            My gaze drifted as well as my mind. I went back to the road after Redcliffe. How I'd been bound and gagged. Forced to run after the horses, tied up by firelight, forced to sleep in awkward positions. Deprived of food unless Solas took the time—he almost always did—to feed me. The rope burn that had yet to fade completely. Solas wanted to heal it, but I refused. It was a reminder. A reminder of what had happened and why. My scars were quickly accumulating in this world. Faster than they had in any other.

            I'd made great friends in such a short time, and lost one of them just as quickly. Ellana was acting as if nothing had happened but it didn't erase what she'd done. I would follow Ellana, she had my loyalty because she was _necessary_ but did I honestly believe that we could be friends? After how she reacted? Her actions, in her eyes, were justified. I was—still am—an unknown variable. In her place…

            No, I wouldn't have done what she did. If someone had done as much as I had, been as loyal as I had I would not have treated them as Ellana had me. She and I grew up in a vastly different world, obviously, but I'd been subjected to more horrors that the little elf could possibly imagine. What I'd shown Solas barely scratched the surface of _one_ life, and that one had been tame in the area of personal tragedies and pain.

            Did I want to be Ellana's friend? Yes, because we had once been friends. Did I believe that it was possible now? Time would tell, but no I didn't think so.

            "I'm not sure that's possible." I offered quietly. Emma blinked at me, "Are the horses saddled?"

            Solas appeared at my shoulder, his hand resting gently at the small of my back. "Roland and Tomen have seen to it, _da'evune_."

            "Good, time to head out."

            Roland held the reins for Solas and I as we both clambered up onto Bread's back. How I'd lucked into the marvelous horse… well I knew how but the chances of it were slim and each time he gave me his all I realized just how lucky I'd been that his owner hadn't realized his worth.

            Once both Solas and I were settled I took the reins from Roland and gently patted the side of Bread's neck. When I looked around the three of my men were mounted and waiting for my direction.

            I nodded at them before Bread spun sharply. Solas, used to such tactics from my crazed war horse, gripped tighter and hunched over me as Bread bolted.

            _Skyhold here we come_.

            **_Tarasyl'an Te'las_.** Ms. Flame was being a little talkative this morning. She pressed farther into my awareness and approved of how Solas was holding on to us. On to _me_. Me. I was in charge. **_The Place where Sky held back_.**

            Fucking serious? She was offering translations now?

            Could I ask her, instead of Ellana? Would that be safer?

            Yes, yes it would.

 

Skyhold was a god damned mess and fuck anyone who volunteered me for this mission. The curtain wall was sturdy but everything inside was crumbling. The Inquisition would have to hire people to come in and repair it. It wasn't something that we could do, the cost of importing stone on our own would break us.

            Dwarves would be best suited to the task and I tried to remember the names of the dwarves that repaired the Gray Warden keep. They eluded me at the moment.

            Roland let out a low whistle. "We certainly have our work cut out for us ma'am." His horse shifted back and forth as we stood atop the bridge that was blocked.

            Skyhold wasn't even accessible at this moment. Debris covered the entrance and the gate was down. Thankfully it wasn't a draw bridge or we'd have been screwed halfway to Monday.

            "Would you like me to clear it, _vhenan_?" Solas asked quietly from behind me. Bread had behaved a little better on the ride up here. The sun had barely made it past the ridge of the mountains.

            "No," I shook my head, "it's time we see the reaction they'll have to my abilities."

            Solas slid from the back of the horse and held out his hands. Gently I placed mine in his and allowed him to assist me down from the saddle. I lingered for just a moment before stepping from his grasp.

            "Stand back." I commanded.

            Roland shifted his position. Emma and Tomen were stationed behind me already.

            I focused completely on the task at hand. Biotic powers were volatile and not normally used for moving objects because once hit with them their trajectory was only predictable through the use of math and physics. Things that I'd never been very good with.

            As gently as I was able I gripped the wooden beams and chunks of stone and _lifted_ them out of our way. I tugged slightly pulling it toward me before I shifted my whole weight to the left and punched out with throw. My burden skyrocketed off into the distance.

            Looks like I was actually capable of precision biotics, but only when I focused fully on the task at hand.

            "Alright." I turned to look at the four people standing behind me. Gypsy sat at attention, her little ears flicking at me. "We have no idea what is beyond this point, however the debris covering the entrance is a good indicator that there isn't anything dangerous lurking beyond. _Regardless_ proceed with caution, the foundation may be unstable. We have no idea how old this place actually is. That being said…" I trailed off and looked at them. "Roland, Tomen and Emma you three are together. Search everywhere easily accessible, don't climb over dangerous obstacles—use your judgement—and take stock of what the Inquisition can use."

            "What will you be doing ma'am?" Tomen asked as he cast a glance toward Solas.

            "Solas and I will take the hard path. We're going to go places that look unsteady. I don't want you guys taking any risks more than necessary. You have families and people waiting for you to return, remember that and be safe."

            They each saluted me and moved inside of Skyhold. Once they thought I was out of ear shot Roland told the others: "She is more cautious about our lives than she is her own, strange isn't it?"

            Neither Emma or Tomen answered him.

            "Don't listen to him _vhenan_." Solas murmured as he wrapped me up in his arms. "Come, I wish to show you something."

            "Ohh… surprises?" I asked delighted. "I like surprises."

            "There is one you will take special interest in, yes." There was a gleam in his eye. "This way."

            Let's just say that Skyhold is fucking huge. It was easily the size of Amaranthine in the game, not in real life. There was room for barracks for the soldiers and housing for civilians. The stables were massive and let's not even get started on the infirmary. Ms. Flame took special interest in that area. She, unlike me, had walked the halls of Skyhold before. The infirmary had been of her design.

            Solas walked me deeper into the fortress. Towers four stories high, all of them brimming with room and more stable than I'd have given credit originally. We walked the halls and he showed me the rotunda. It was an unassuming place. The walls were bare on the first level. Shelves lined the second and it made me think library. Further up there was another level, the sky was shining through the roof in giant patches.

            Everywhere we went there were holes in the roof, the walls and floor were sturdy but the wood had rotted through. It would have to be replaced. Every inch of it. The main hall had an area that looked like it once served as an altar; however the figure that had been raised was not part of the Andrastian faith. I shuddered at the strange statue.

            "That has to go." I whispered as we moved passed it. Solas made a noise in the back of his throat.

            "The fortress has held many of different faiths," he paused to look at it. "However you are correct, the statue does represent anything the Chantry would approve of."

            Slowly we made our way down a side hallway, halfway down there was another door. Solas pushed it open and moved silently down the stairs. Standing on tip toes I tried to see over his head. Looking for webs or for… well anything crawling around.

            " _Vhenan_?" Solas asked when he realized I wasn't following him, "Is everything well?"

            "Uh…." I hedged as I started down after him, keeping my arms tucked in very tight. "Yes?"

            He watched me for a quiet moment and when I stood next to him he started walking again. My eyes darted everywhere. Creepy crawlies thrived in conditions like these. We went deeper into the keep than I realize even existed. I knew Skyhold was vast, but for them to tunnel into the mountain as well? It wasn't something expected from Elvhen who—and I was assuming—were creatures of the sky and forest. Dwarves delved deeply into the mountains and none of the proper dwarves in this world would be caught dead anywhere the sky could see them.

            Just what had this place seen in its glory days?

            "This," Solas stated as he pushed open a door, "is your room." My jaw dropped as I saw the scrolling expanse before me. The ceiling was high and the edge of the room just… dropped off. A waterfall cascaded down over the top, a natural curtain. The sound was a loud roar but the view was… it was magnificent.

            My hands gripped the railing and I leaned over the edge. There was an underground pool not too far away. I held out my hand to bath in the water that fell and was pleasantly surprised when I found it was not frigid mountain water.

            "A hot spring." Solas explained when I turned to look at him. "Elvhen made but few will be able to tell such things in this time." He was leaning against the door frame. One of his hands lifted and pointed toward a door on the far end of the room. "The surprise is through there."

            One of my eye brows rose of its own accord and I tilted my head as I slowly made my way across the floor. I'd have to get a rug for the room. This room would retain more heat though. The sun would warm the upper levels and through them the earth, which would keep the heat until the next morning. It was like a natural built in heater.

            The wooden door was decaying and I pushed the tips of two fingers against the door. Right, that needed to be replaced. It all but crumbled under my touch. As gently as I could I edged into the room and I squealed in delight.

            Rushing forward I looked at the bathroom. And it was a god damned actual _bathroom_. With a mother fucking toilet and a **_shower_**. An actual shower! I hadn't had one in… well I didn't want to think about it.

            My first instinct was to strip and rush into the basin under the shower head but I restrained myself. We needed to catalogue everything.

            Damn being responsible! Damn it to hell!

            "Do you have any idea the gift you have given me?" I called toward him, "I fucking love this to death!"

            Solas chuckled softly behind me. "What you showed me in the fade… this pales in comparison to the technology you had and yet you are delighted by this." When I looked back at him he looked astonished.

            "The shower." I said simply as I pointed at it. "You need to get me out of this room before I get naked."

            "Temptress." Solas whispered and I tilted my face in his direction. He let out a low growl and prowled toward me. I held up a hand in warning, his fingers reached up to thread through mine and he used it to pull me toward him.

            His lids were hooded and he started to lean down toward me. My gaze was fixed on his lips, oh lord he was going to be the death of me. I pressed up to my toes and leaned forward. One kiss wouldn't hurt anything.

            I screamed as something dropped onto his face. My brain registered what it was but my body was already in motion. I watched as my hand arced through the air toward his cheek. The damned thing with more than eight legs started to crawl across his face. Solas' eyes widened and he started to swipe at his nose.

            WACK!

            My hand met his face and I slapped the centipede off of him. Tracking its decent I ran toward it and slammed my foot down on top of it. Thank the heavens above that I was wearing actual shoes instead of the foot wraps Solas wore.

            Pressing up to the ball of my foot I spun in a circle, squishing the evil beast under my toes.

            "OH MY GOD!" I screamed as I looked at the ceiling for more offending creatures. My hands swiping at every inch they could reach of my clothing and skin. Were there any on me? "What the actual fuck was that?!" I ran to Solas and shook him, "Light!"

            He was cupping the side of his face and I realize what I'd done.

            "Oh hell," I whispered as I tugged gently on his arm, "I didn't… shit I'm sorry I just…"

            Solas laughed. It was deep, born in his belly. His shoulders shook with the force of it and I watched as his Adam's apple bobbed up and down.

            My eyes narrowed to slits and I glared at him.

            "What?" I growled.

            "Oh _ma vhenan_ ," he choked out, the laughter still ruling most of his body. "You are afraid of them."

            I opened my mouth and pointed at him when I saw another one crawling across the floor. "Fucking hell!"

            Solas doubled over, his fingers flicking out to incinerate the evil little shit before it could move too far. I, however, had retreated to the counter that housed the sink. My whole body was atop it and I was crouching, eyes darting everywhere looking for anything that moved.

            Spiders? Sure I could handle those, even the giant ones that dwelled in the tunnels under Thedas. Darkspawn? Any day of the damned week. Abominations? Reluctantly, but I'd do it.

            Centipedes? Never. 

            "I'm done."

            " _Vhenan_." Solas pleaded as I bolted toward the door, "They are harmless."

            "Don't care! Done!"

            Solas did not follow me out of the room but his laughter did.

 

Solas had yet to make an appearance but Emma, Roland and Tomen were ready to report in. All in all Skyhold was intact.

            "There is a room," Roland pointed toward a door, "that seems its function was a prison, however part of the floor has fallen out, it will need extensive repairs." I made note of it.

            All of us stood in the court yard just inside the gate. Emma had taken stock of the kitchens, everything was functional and the pantries were large. We could house well over two thousand people here. The soldiers would have to share rooms, barracks would have to be rebuilt but we could do it. Skyhold was a fortress without a peer. Nothing I'd ever seen in any portion of Dragon age compared to this.

            "Tomen," I spun to him, "did you locate anything of interest?"

            "Tunnels, under the main hall." I refused to let my eyes widen. "They lead to a bathing area that is unusual. I would like for you and the mage to look at it."

            "Once I can locate him…." I trailed off, "Why don't you show me now? And then we can get you three squared away in a room of your choice."

            "We get our own rooms?" Emma asked, her voice a little louder than normal. Was she excited again?

            "Of course," I nodded, "You are, after all, part of my team. For all intents and purposes you are my inner circle. We need spaces where you can be yourself, without having to worry about prying eyes and wagging tongues. Also, if you desire you may have a suite for your family to stay in." I smiled at her. "Tomen? Lead the way."

            The bathhouse was very close to my room and I wondered if Tomen hear me scream. What was he even doing inside, I wanted them to explore the outside and look for any weaknesses. However I hadn't been specific soooo…. He wasn't in any trouble with me. Tomen may very well become the leader of the three of them.

            As I entered my eyes turned to the ceiling to look for anything unusual or anything that crawled.

            "There are no centipedes." Tomen stated as he watched me. I refused to blush under his gaze.

            "Thank you." My tone was light and airy but I felt like a fool.

            "My wife is not fond of them either." Tomen offered, "Knowledge traded for knowledge."

            Ah, we were still getting to know each other.

            "That is two things you know about me, and yet all I know of you is of your family."

            "Aye," Tomen nodded, "this way ma'am." He led me deeper into the area and I saw large pools with steam curling lazily off of them. "They vary in temperature. The hotter ones are in the back, I recommend those be closed for bathing."

            "Oh?" I stepped forward and looked down at it. Small bubbled were emanating from the bottom. Tomen held up his hand and I saw slight second degree burn on his skin. "You should have Solas look at that." Kneeling I took a whiff and caught the faint smell of rotting eggs. Sulfur. "I will make your recommendations known to the Council and will add my weight behind it."

            In total there were ten pools. Three of which would be sealed to prevent injury. There was one larger pool that we discovered. This one was not as clear as the other seven. Best used for laundry.

            Each of the pools were connected through small tunnels and there was a spot where they ran off into an underground well. Water was pouring in from the other direction. This had to be the work of Solas. Only ancient Elves would be able to do this kind of shit and make it look natural. There was nothing natural about these pools. They were almost perfect circles and the sides were smooth.

            "Good find Tomen."

            Ms. Flame raised her head and I got the sense she was looking behind me.

            "Will you really allow our families to reside here, with us?" There was a hint of hope in Tomen's voice and it was the first real emotion I heard from him.

            I watched him for a moment. "Of course, these are dangerous times and there is no telling when any of us will fall. I will not demand you be parted from any loved ones while we are in the safety of the fortress. Not when all I hold dear is near me. What kind of example would that set?"

            He gave a dry laugh, "Knife ear was right."

            My head snapped back to him so hard I thought I gave myself whiplash. "Never use that term again." I snarled, "We are a team, and there will be none of that. We will not call you shems and you will _not_ use those words again."

            He gave me a little bow, "Meant no offense ma'am, just commenting on the fact that you are impossible to hate."

            My hands flexed and I demanded that my breathing slow. "No harm done, I'm not a stickler like some elves, but I won't hear anything negative about Solas unless you have proof."

            "Understood."

            Ms. Flame tugged inside of me. I really needed to get Dorian and Solas in a room together to work this shit out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On'dhea, ara vhenan: Good morning, my home
> 
> Elvhen is either taken from FenxShiral (amazing thank you so much for your work) and/or Linojam 
> 
> So I keep forgetting to tell you guys, I have a tumblr I created specifically because of my AO3 account. Want to talk about the story or ask questions or anything in between feel free to do just that. 
> 
> rachieldenrabi.tumblr.com


	28. Settling In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Is that all, Nightingale?" The only indication that she was upset by the use of her title was the edges of her mouth. The turned down slightly but she inclined her head at me.  
> "That is all, Anointed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some NSFW below. Lots of fluff, getting to know more about her and the people she will be working with. Building relationships basically.
> 
> Enjoy!

Days passed that turned into two weeks. We scrounged for food and I was actually able to make regular breakfast for two of the mornings. Each day we cleared more areas. The main hall was now easily accessible, and each of my people had found a room. Tomen had secured a suite in the lower level and spoke to Roland about sending a raven to his family. His wife, Natalie and his son Marco would be will us before winter truly hit Skyhold.

            Emma was an orphan, explained a little about her quiet personality. She grew up in a Chantry, the sisters and the faith were all she knew from an early age. She claimed a spot in the gardens next to what would become their chapel. Said that it was quiet and she liked it. There was no harm in that, at least not to me.

            Roland chose a room in one of the towers along the wall. Roland, while I knew him the best of the three, was also one of the ones that I knew the least about his past. Tomen and Emma were forth coming with information; I think it is because they wanted to know more about me. The knowledge for knowledge continued and soon I knew their favorite colors and little tidbits about their childhood.

            Roland though…. He was loud but gave nothing. I knew what he liked to eat, but not when he was born. He was a wonderful aid, predicting things that I needed before I needed it.

            Somewhere the three of them scrounged up a frame for a massive bed and it just appeared in my room. I'd have to get a mattress to fit it, which meant importing it from Val Royeaux. Which meant… another trip to the city. There were too many things that I needed from there for it not to happen.

            It was at the end of the second week before the rest of the Inquisition filed through the gates of Skyhold. My team greeted them and directed their transition into the fortress with seamless effort.

            Solas often disappeared and none of us could locate him. It was starting to bother me slightly and when I commented on it he just explained that he was exploring his home, learning the layout all over again and how the humans had shaped it to fit their own purpose. Still, it was strange that no one could find him. Something this old had to have secret rooms or passages. There was something he wasn't telling me.

            "Anointed?" Josephine called out. She'd established an office just outside of a massive room that had a huge table in it. Solas said that it was ancient, had been there since the creation of the fortress. Only he and I knew what he meant. That table had been picked out when Arlathan was still around. I kept my mouth shut about it. "May I have a word?"

            I bound my hair back and nodded at the well-dressed woman. How she managed to look so well put together at all times was beyond me.

            "How can I be of assistance Ambassador?" I gave her a smile.

            "There is something I wish to clarify, so that I can spin your position appropriately." She picked up a writing pad and flipped through a couple pages. "We hadn't the time to speak on the road, for obvious reason, but now that we are establishing ourselves and help is pouring in with every passing day the people are growing curious about you. About how you arrived at the Inquisition."

            I nodded, this was a touchy subject. I didn't exactly have an extensive past here in Thedas. "You want me to fabricate a back story about where I originated?"

            She gave me a benevolent smile, "That would be much appreciated, rumors are starting to spread and it would be best to steer them in the correct direction."

            "Alright," I sighed and sat down across from her, "what kind of story do we want?"

            "Where were you born?"

            I was so tempted to tell her in a little village to the north. I suppressed a chuckle, "I've already told people that I didn't come from a city so it needs to be a small town, somewhere where elves are not reviled. I have too easy a friendship with humans for me to have been raised with any prejudices."

            "Rivain is the best bet, however many of them do not have… such a light complexion." Josephine made note of something, "Shall we say you were born in the wilds while your family traveled north?"

            "Sounds good to me."

            "Your abilities, no one else has them." Josephine ran the tip of her feather quill across her lower jaw, "The Maker bestowed them upon you?"

            I clenched my jaw at that. To think that this was going to be common knowledge. "I'm not sure about that one. Do what you think is best but perhaps it isn't such a good thing that people believe a Human Maker gave an elf special power."

            "The Herald was delivered to us by Andraste, why not provide her with someone she would feel comfortable with?" Josephine stated, "He is, after all, a benevolent Maker." I was so glad that she did not have elf hearing otherwise she might have heard me grinding my teeth.

            "As I said, Josie, whatever you feel is necessary. I was born in the wilds and raised in Rivain. Once I was of age I joined a pirate ship and traveled the world until I settled down with Stefan in a little cabin." I spread my hands wide, "Anything else you want to add I will state as the truth. We cannot have the masses thinking that I'm an other-worlder, despite the truth that rings in that statement."

            "Very well Anointed." She hid a smile behind the back of her hand. "The dye you request arrived earlier this morning. I believe that Leliana received it by raven."

            I bounced in my seat, "Excellent!" Goodbye pink hair! "Is there anything else you need?"

            "Do tell Varric I need to speak with him?"

            I narrowed my eyes at her, "Alright, that's an odd request…"

            "A simple matter of settling an account. He ordered some candied dates." I nodded. Interesting. The smile on her face was too close to shit eating grin for my comfort though.

            "Consider it done."

 

Three hours later and with the help of Leliana and Dorian the pink hair was gone and say hello to white hair.

            That's right. White. Not silver, but white. It was better than the pink and as my hair grew in it would blend better. We had not covered the roots, my hair having grown at least an inch since it was dyed pink. The result was silver fading into white and the effects were actually rather pleasing.

            "Much better darling," Dorian mussed my hair. "Now all we need to get some natural curls and you will look ravishing."

            Leliana chuckled, "I would like to speak to you later." She hovered in the door way, "Varric has brought forth some interesting news, a visitor is coming to Skyhold and if it is who I think it is, you may need to save him from Cassandra."

            I blinked at her, "Alright, do we know when this mystery person is showing up?"

            "Master Tethras seemed to be expecting them within a few days." Leliana started away, "Please meet with me this evening, and we will go over more specifics."

            "Okay!" I called after her. I tip toed to the doorway and poked my head out of it. Leliana was striding confidently down the hallway. Quickly I closed the door and sealed it. "Alright, any news?"

            "On?" Dorian picked at some dates. Varric apparently lost a bet to him and the dates was how they settled the account. I noted it for future reference. Dorian glanced up at me and saw the look on my face, "Oh, that. Yes I believe I've made some headway. There is an old binding ritual involving a medallion. It will have to be altered, as you are not a spirit and neither is the soul inside of you. However I believe it is possible to scoop up the soul and place it safely inside a container."

            It was so close to what Solas had said originally happened with the soul. My heart started to race at the idea of cutting her free. That wasn't the word that Dorian used but… it was the same concept.

            "Have you spoken with Solas about that?" I whispered. My emotions swirled with hers and I forced myself to breath. "I…"

            "Luna?" Dorian stepped closer and grabbed my chin, "What is happening?"

            "Not sure." I closed my eyes and tears leaked from the corners, "I feel like…. Betrayal. All over again and it is so strange. I can't… talk to Solas. He knows about her, maybe he can offer some advice."

            "The hobo apostate?" Dorian asked. I _heard_ the eye roll.

            "I know you two don't get on very well." I admitted, "But I will talk to him about being polite, okay?"

            Dorian sighed, "For you, dear, anything."

            "How did I end up with such a great friend?" I commented as I leaned forward and gave him a hug. "By the way… I could probably set you two up."

            He turned and squinted at me, "Two who?"

            "I see how you look at him. You want to know, fuck _I_ want to know." I wiggled my eyebrows at him, "Come on, we could do a double date, two warriors, two mages, wine from Tevinter and only the stars above us."

            "You cannot be serious." He gaped at me. "I would never-" He broke off, his face a slight shade of red.

            "You've thought about it, admit it." I teased and he flushed a deeper red. "Think about it, yeah? As much as I thought we didn't get along… well he's better than I thought he was."

            Dorian gave me a stiff nod, "Do talk to… Solas-" it sounded painful for him to say the wolf's name instead of the one he wanted to say, "-and make sure he plays nice."

            "I will Dorian."

 

Amara squealed in joy when she saw her room. It was down the same hallway as mine, underground. At first she had not been happy with it, resisting the idea of sleeping under the earth but when I showed her the room and the glowing rocks in the ceiling she fell in love with it.

            "It's like the fucking stars are in my room!" She cried. And I pursed my lips.

            "Amara I thought we agreed you wouldn't use that word." She looked at me and winced.

            "Sorry Luna." I sighed, and she danced in circles. "Can I get a real bed?"

            "Amara… have you never had a real bed before?" She lived in a circle but… honestly what had the living conditions been like.

            "I had a cot in a large room with others that were older than me." She said it like it was normal, and to her perhaps it was. "This is the first time I'll have my own room."

            "Arrangements will be made to have one delivered to you." I thought about it. I had to go to Val Royeaux to find a mattress for my room… why not have Amara come along and witness a larger city for herself and pick out the bed that she wanted. "Sweetie would you like to pick it out yourself?"

            Her eyes went wide, "Can I?"

            I laughed, "Of course, no child of mine will want for anything." This kid was going to be so f-ing spoiled by the time she was old enough to strike out on her own.

            "Where would I pick it out?" She danced toward me on light feet. I noticed she'd been wearing two robes. It was also time to get her new clothes. Ones that would be suited for the type of fighting style I was teaching her, also every girl deserves to feel pretty.

            "Val Royeaux." I would have to talk to Josephine about transportation and how it worked and what my allowance was for furnishing our rooms. "If we have nothing coming up in the next couple weeks I will take you there."

            "Promise?" Her wide eyes were full of hope and I patted the top of her head.

            "Promise."

 

Night was quickly falling and everyone was settling in. After a quick chat with Josephine, who assured me that we had more than enough money thanks to Vivienne's connections, I was able to secure a large fund to outfit not only my room but my team's rooms as well with enough left over to put aside for whatever I wanted.

            They were paying me a ridiculous amount now. Being the Hand of the Maker was a good gig, but that's all it was. There was no way in hell I was sent here by the Maker, but I'd be a good tool and not deny anything.

            With everyone present from Haven the keep was filled only a fraction of the way. Cullen worked with Josephine and arranged for Barracks to be built for the troops. Leliana had settled into the top floor of the rotunda. Her ravens flapped around and squawked at intruders. It was a good set up for her, prevented anyone from sneaking in and taking sensitive information.

            "You wanted to speak with me?" Leliana looked up from her desk and indicated a chair.

            "You look dead on your feet." Her voice was light and her eyes quickly scanned the area around us. "Have you eaten yet?"

            In response my stomach rumbled at me. I gave her a sheepish grin, "Not yet, busy day."

            "It has been a busy month." Leliana sighed and dropped into a chair next to me, "Sometimes it feels as if this is a dream, that all of us are dead under the snow at Haven." Glasses thunked onto the table and she pulled out a bottle. Popping the cork free she poured each of us a generous amount. "How is your team doing?"

            "Good," I nodded, "We are expecting Tomen's family shortly and Emma and Roland are doing fine."

            "Their training?"

            "Coming along nicely," this small talk seemed to be forced on her account. "They are quickly adapting to my fighting style, Roland more so than the others."

            "Do you have plans on building a larger team? Four seems to be a rather small amount, and your team will tire quickly if they are constantly moving."

            I hadn't thought of it. Ellana traveled with a pack of people, but she often only left with three or four of them.

            "I suppose I could build a cavalry of sorts." Teach them how to fight from the back of a horse, "We would have to be particular about who joined. What are you planning Leliana?"

            Leliana sighed and leaned back, her glass pressed to her lower jaw. "Varric's 'friend', I'm almost positive that it is the Champion of Kirkwall."

            "Freaking Hawke?" I exclaimed as I leaned forward, "I thought Varric didn't have any contact with her."

            "It appears that he lied to us." Leliana's eyes flashed with amusement, "It seems that my Truth Stone does not work well against dwarves, lesson learned for future endeavors."

            "So, what does that have to do with me building a larger team?"

            "Do you know much about the Champion?"

            I shook my head, "No, there were so many possibilities on how she would turn out. In my original realm you could explore the different choices, though often the story turned out the same." Freaking video games. "What is she like?"

            "From what Varric has told us she is a powerful mage." Leliana sipped her drink, "Her humor matches yours quite closely."

            Oh fuck me we had a purple Hawke on our hands that had the ability to fling fireballs?

            "We're fucked." I laughed and shook my head, "So, when does she arrive?"

            "I think she already has." Leliana stated quietly. "I think Varric sent for her before we even left Haven." I took a sip as she stared into her glass and swirled the contents. "I cannot be sure, there were too many that arrived with us for the safety our troops provide, but I believe Hawke numbers among them." Her gaze rose to meet mine. "Can you find out for me?"

            "And how… exactly would _I_ do that?" I resisted the urge to snort into my drink. "I'm not exactly subtle. You've said it yourself. I'm too flashy, people will notice if I start asking questions about Hawke."

            "You'll have help." Leliana indicated the shadows. I flicked my gaze to it and I was instantly pissed that I missed him in the first place. A smile split his face and I saw the look in his eye. My heart gave a thump but there was no way in hell anything was going to happen. At least… I seriously hoped nothing was going to happen.

            "What is he doing here?" My tone was a little harder than necessary. "How did he even know to show up _here_?" My glare was turned on Leliana. "Why?"

            "He was worried," Leliana chuckled, "about you of all people. It seems that you made quite an impact on him during your short stint together." She gave me a knowing look, "As for how he knew to come to Skyhold, I told him."

            "Again, _why_?"

            Leliana remained quiet and he stepped from the shadows, "I thought you would be delighted to see me, _mi cara_."

            "Last I saw of you, _Zevran_ ," I growled, "was you disappearing off the deck of the ship to go play King of the Crows. I can only assume you failed, otherwise you would not be here."

            "You wound me," Zevran crooned at me. Leliana poured another drink and held it out to him. "I was, in fact, successful in my endeavors."

            "Then why are you here, instead of lording over the different Houses?" Zevran walked forward and liberated his drink from Leliana's hand, but he didn't stop there. He walked the extra couple steps, his hand reaching out to gently cradle my chin.

            "The thought of you… lost." Zevran shook his head, "I had to see for myself that you were whole. Exciting things are happening in Orlais and Feralden. How could I not participate in it?"

            I jerked my chin from his grasp and leaned away from him. My gaze turned to Leliana, "We have the Crows at our disposal now?"

            "Zevran has so kindly offered their services to us, for a price of course."

            "Of course." I gave her a plastic smile and stood, "I do not think it is a good idea for us to work-"

            "Please," Leliana asked softly and my smiled faded. "For Cassandra. And in attempt to keep Varric alive."

            I growled under my breath and tossed my head back and forth. "Very well. For Cassandra and Varric I will do this."

            "Thank you Luna."

            "Is that all, Nightingale?" The only indication that she was upset by the use of her title was the edges of her mouth. The turned down slightly but she inclined her head at me.

            "That is all, Anointed."

            "In the future," I threw over my shoulder as I walked away, "it would be best not to guilt me into things."

            I took the steps two at a time, eager to return to my room. Today had been a long day and I'd only been able to see Solas briefly this morning before I flitted out the door to attend to my duties.

            Zevran was going to complicate things. I just knew it. I didn't know if Solas was jealous but I didn't want to find out. Giving the Dread Wolf a reason to flex his considerable power while staking a claim on me was not something I wanted to see—I was such a liar. Besides, the impossible had happened.

            "Luna?" Zevran called from behind me but I didn't slow my pace. Maybe if I continued he'd leave me alone?

            No such luck. Zevran's longer legs ate the distance between us and by the time I'd made it to the rotunda and the bottom of the stairs he had the ability to pull me to a stop.

            "You are not pleased." He noted and I just watched him.

            "You've slept with dozens of men and women. Had threesomes and orgies that I'd probably drool over. Have you ever checked on any of _them_?"

            "Don't be silly _mi cara_ ," Zevran waved a hand. "None of them captivated my interest the way you have."

            "That's endearing, truly Zev but…" I trailed off and swiped a hand over my face. "I-"

            "There you are _vhenan_." My head jerked in Solas' direction. In his hands was a platter of food. My heart gave a thump at the sight of him. There was that faint dusting of brown hair across his scalp. His earrings glinted in the light of the oil lamps that lined the rotunda. I saw when his gaze landed on the hand Zevran had on my upper arm. "Who is this?"

            I let out a rueful chuckle, so much for keeping these two from find out about each other. "Solas, this is Zevran." I waved a hand and twisted out of his grasp in such a way it looked natural, not like I was fleeing from him. "Zevran, this is Solas."

            Solas approached and laid a hand against my lower back. I stepped into him and turned to face Zevran. Understanding dawned on his face but he didn't look deterred.

            "A pleasure, I'm sure." Zevran gave a small bow. "Shall we meet tomorrow afternoon, _mi cara_?"

            Solas' hand curled into the fabric of my shirt and I laid a hand against his back. Surely a man who saw the founding of Arlathan wouldn't be _jealous_. "It would probably be best if no one saw us together, Zev. The men are getting a tavern up and running in the court yard. I believe they are calling it the Herald's Rest. I'll be there tomorrow." He gave me a smile.

            "Excellent, _mi cara_ , I look forward to it." Zevran strolled forward and gripped my fingers in his own. His lips were scalding hot against my skin as he pressed a kiss to the back of my hand. "Again, so lovely to meet you Solas." My stomach dropped at the contact and my heart thumped in my chest.

            What the hell was wrong with me? I was in lo…. No better to not finish that sentence. Not when my heart was beating for strange reason. Part of me was furious, the other part was a greatly amused. They circled each other until I didn't know who was in charge and all I wanted to do was fall down and laugh.

            "Was that who I believe it is?" Solas asked quietly. The tray he was holding shook slightly and when I looked up at him he saw the answer in my gaze. The area around his eyes hardened and I saw a look in his gaze I hadn't seen since the cells under the Chantry in Haven.

            "I didn't know he was coming." I assured as quickly as I was able to. "Leliana blindsided me with his presence about five minutes ago."

            "And what task are you working on with him?" Solas' voice was a little less heavy. Though he had a tinge of regret in his voice. I didn't like it. Didn't want him thinking about what if scenarios.

            "Come on," I tugged gently on the back of his shirt, "let's go to bed."

            Solas' arm slid up from my lower back and settled around my shoulders, pulling me into the crook of his body. I wrapped both arms around his stomach and together we descended to the lower levels and the pile of blankets that he had scrounged up for us as a bed. I blinked as I took the scene in. They were a new addition to the room, they had not been here this morning when I left.

            "I thought it would be a nice surprise." Solas offered softly as he set a tray down on the table Emma found for us. "It has been some time since you slept on something comfortable."

            "Not so long as you think," I chuckled and thought back to me sleeping on his chest. "Thank you Solas, I love it." I slipped out of my shirt and started the annoying process of undoing the chest bindings that existed in this world. I was seriously contemplating pinning someone to the wall and showing them the concept for a bra. It was either a chest wrap or a corset and I would rather not wear one of those evil whale bone contraptions.

            Warm fingers trailed up my side and I leaned into them. His hands pushed mine away and he took over, unwinding the bindings. Solas pressed gentle kisses against my neck and shoulder. Once the bindings fell to the floor his hands swept up my hair.

            "It will be more difficult to find you now." He commented as he pushed the strands over my shoulder.

            "Tell me you didn't _like_ the pink hair." I laughed and stepped back into his embrace.

            "I had grown accustomed to the color." He stated, his arms wrapped around me. He tightened his grip momentarily and pressed his face into the crook of my neck. "Lilies and honey."

            Solas released me and retreated. I stilled for a moment and watched as he picked up the tray. He walked past me and I heard the blankets rustle. A smile crossed my face and my fingers tangled in the ties of my pants. As they hit the floor I stepped out of them and joined Solas on the mass of fluffy blankets.

            I sighed as I sank into them. When I turned to look at Solas he was watching me.

            "I am in constant anticipation." He quietly stated, "You are here, but I keep waiting for you to run from me."

            A soft smile stole over my face and I tilted my head, "Oh silly wolf, haven't you heard? Once the Dread Wolf has your scent there is no where you can go he can't follow." I reached past him and picked up a piece of cheese, propped up on one elbow I half sprawled across him while I nibbled on the edges. My stomach was a little queasy and had been for a couple days.

            Solas chuckled quietly and shifted until I was almost completely on top of him. His fingers traced patterns onto my skin. The slight tingle of magic notified me that he was tracing runes. Ms. Flame tracked the tips of his fingers and provided the different runes he scrawled on my skin.

            One for warmth, another to dissuade the bugs from bothering me. There was a lesser cold rune, not as strong as the warmth and one for protection. Scratch that, several for protection. He drew them over and over again across my back. I hummed in approval and pressed a kiss to his bare chest. Solas slept with his pants on, I'd yet to convince him of the glory of sleeping in the nude.

            He'd come around, I'm sure of it.

            "If you had the ability to do things over again, would you do anything different?" Solas asked suddenly.

            "Define 'things'." I stated as I propped myself up on a fist. "Are we talking the last couple months or through any of my lives?"

            He gave me a smile and kissed the tips of my fingers. "Anything in Thedas."

            I thought about it. Everything I'd done had led me to this moment. There was only one thing that I regretted. It was silly.

            "I would go back and stop myself from chugging that flask of wine." I stated. He blinked at me for a moment until I saw the connection.

            "That is it?"

            I giggled at him, "Alter anything too large and suddenly I'm in Varric's bed and not yours." I rolled off of him and gained my feet. The fire was had yet to be banked and it needed to be done before I fell asleep. "I love where I am right now."

            The roar of the waterfall was all but normal now. At first I had been apprehensive about it, but it proved useful. It was difficult for anyone to overhear our conversations in the room. It made the perfect place to be ourselves.

            "Were you always like this?" Solas asked and I gave him a funny look. "The soul, she has not changed you has she?"

            I picked up a flask of water before walking back to him. From the look on his face this was a serious question for him. I took my time thinking about what he asked. When I'd really thought it through I looked at him. The flask was in his hand and he was waiting for an answer from me. I sat cross legged on the blankets and ran the tips of my fingers up the center of his chest.

            "I wasn't always like… I am now but _she_ is not the reason for that." The tension went out of him and a look of serenity covered his face. He was still waiting for an explanation though. "When I was… Emily I had very little… for lack of a better word personality. I was in an abusive relationship where I had no control over my thoughts or my body. I simply… existed." I fiddled with a loose string on one of the blankets. "Jack ruled everything about my life and had me convinced that no one loved me, that he was the only one that wanted me."

            Solas' face tightened in anger. "Why would you even consider that man's words?"

            "Because my mother abandoned me at her earliest opportunity." I laughed darkly, "My step dad was a piece of shit and so I found a relationship like the one my mother had. It wasn't healthy and it took me a long time to work up the courage to leave. It just so happened that a Fae was in a bar. He took a shine to me, said that there was a touch of fairy blood that ran through my veins. When he saw how Jack treated me he offered me a deal, a way out." I smiled at the memory and tilted my head. "I took it." My face blanked as cold fingers traced the scar just under my left breast. "And then I died and woke up as a different person."

            Solas' fingers replaced mine and he ran them gently over the jagged scar, "Will you carry this forever?"

            "I have no idea." I shook my head and leaned forward to capture his lips with my own. His hand covered mine on his chest. The kiss was tender and sweet. I snuggled down next to him and let out a sigh, "The Fae told me that I would never return to the Earth I was born to, and now… now I don't want to. Despite sharing my body, despite the war that is ravaging the land and the crazy Tevinter Magister running rampant trying to take over the known world I love where I am right now." And I meant _right now_ as in that very moment. I… loved him.

            "Right now?" He whispered as he gathered me up in his arms.

            "Yes, right now."

            "I do not deserve you." His words were muffled against my hair and my heart tugged painfully. Did he still believe that he didn't deserve love?

            I twisted until I was on top and straddling his hips. I leaned low over him, running the tips of my fingers over the velvet hair that dusted his scalp. "It isn't your choice," I whispered. "The decision is mutual, that's what a relationship is supposed to be. It isn't about what is deserved; it is a matter of the heart. Often the silly organ decides for you, but it is impossible to control."

            "And your heart?" Solas' hand cupped the back of my neck and gently pulled me toward him. My laugh sprawled across his face and I shook my head slightly before pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose. Warmth pooled between my legs, "Has it decided?"

            He wanted me to say it. I could say it.

            My fingers slipped under the waist band of his pants, searching for him. He hissed as my fingers circled his length, thumb running over the head and smearing the drop of liquid I found there.

            Solas lifted his hips and slid his pants down. I guided him into me, sighing when there was no resistance. He moved tentatively, rocking under me. I adjusted, twisting my hips, giving him deeper access. His hands were firm on my waist as he guided me over him. Our coupling was bitter sweet. There was something in his movements, almost as if he was afraid but that wasn't quite right.

            My hand cradled the back of his head and I moved to press a series of kisses across his face. "Has yours?" It was a stupid question, and I was bordering imbecilic by asking it. I thought I could say it. He had already said it. I just needed to say it. But to say it would give him power over me. Power that I hadn't given anyone since I was young and stupid.

            I was still young, but I didn't think I was stupid anymore. I knew it, inside of me, why couldn't I tell him. The words were more difficult to utter than I had thought possible. The lines had blurred until it vanished completely. I had him, here with me and I never wanted to let him go.

            A gasp slid from my lips as he gently bit the tender spot on my neck just below my jaw line. I wanted him, more than I'd ever wanted anything in my life. Maybe I couldn't say the 'l' word _just_ yet, but I could let him know how I feel.

            My fingers tangled in his and I tugged until they were pinned above his head. I stilled over him until I had his attention.

            "Solas, I will stay here, with you, for as long as I am able." His eyes widened at my admission. His hands, still laced with mine, swept down to wrap around my back, the motion caused him to sit up, my knees pressed into the floor on either side of him.

            Using his nose he pushed my face up and to the side, exposing my throat to him. I closed my eyes and relaxed into his embrace. He let out a low growl and his teeth pierced my skin. Ecstasy flooded my body and I arched my back pressing fervently against him. His grip tightened and his rhythm increased. I dropped my head to his shoulder and let him take over.

            My toes curled and little white dots coalesced at the edge of my vision. Breathing was becoming increasingly difficult. I felt when my muscles contracted over him, etching him forever into my memory. I was ruined for other men. Nothing was like this, nothing compared to it, and I was positive it had nothing to do with the physical and everything to do with the emotional.

            I shuddered against him as the cresting wave of pleasure finally shattered inside of me. He followed me over the edge into oblivion. Laughter fell from my throat and I pressed kisses to his shoulder and everywhere else I could reach. Man but I was horribly and irrevocably head over heels in love with him.

            I just couldn't say it out loud. Not yet.


	29. The Broody Hawk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something odd struck me, "Can you even get sick?" He blinked at me several times and then he shook his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title gives hints!
> 
> Guys guys! I am continually blown away, so many kudos and book marks and subscriptions! Thank you all so very much. 
> 
> Happy weekend!

The sound of small feet pattering across the floor accompanied by the sharp clack of claws jolted me awake, the sounds so different than the constant dull roar of the waterfall. It was dark in the room except for a small halo of light somewhere around the entrance. The air in my room was frigid and I remembered that Solas and I were both naked.

            Numb fingers fumbled with the blankets under me until both of us were covered. Ebony toes edged into my line of sight and when I looked up it was to a mass of tangled curls and a face etched with fear and soaked in tears.

            "Oh babe…" I whispered, "Go sit by the fire and warm yourself up. I'll be right there."

            "'kay." Her voice was small as she padded away from me. The small halo of light followed her and I watched as she crouched in front of the dying embers. She picked up the fire poker and stabbed at it until the flames burst over the half burnt log within.

            As quickly and quietly as I could I found a fresh set of clothes and dressed, throwing my cloak over my shoulders. My feet whispered across the floor as I approached Amara. Gently I touched her shoulder and she looked up at me. Her eyes were deep wells of dark honey and tears clouded them.

            She stood and took my outstretched hand. Gypsy was sniffing around the bed and when I looked over at her she gave a small whine. I patted my leg with my free hand but Gypsy flopped down onto the blankets, her head draped over Solas' shins.

            That wolf was behaving in a very unusual manner and it was starting to freak me out slightly.

            I shook those thoughts from my mind and focused on Amara. The layout of the keep was still confusing but we managed to find our way to the kitchen. It was poorly stocked but I was willing to believe I'd be able to find some sort of treat—or make one—for my little one.

            "You wanna talk about it?" I asked quietly as she sat on a stool next to the center island. The massive fireplace was cold and I set about throwing logs into it and building a fire. The room was almost unbearably cold. My toes curled, pressing into the soft flesh on the underside of my feet. I danced back and forth until I found a rug.

            "It won't go away." Amara muttered into the darkness. I sighed and stared at her.

            "I used to have horrible nightmares." I offered up to the silence. "I didn't have a good childhood. I dreamed of monster chasing me though the night, of blood dripping down walls… demons like nothing you've ever seen." I padded closer to her and hopped up onto the counter. "My grandmamma told me that if you share the nightmare with someone it will go away. When I told her about them I never had the same one twice."

            Amara glanced at me and then dropped her head. "I see his face." I had an inkling of _who_ she saw, but I had to be sure.

            "The Templar?" I asked quietly.

            "Yeah." She shuddered as she let go of a breath. This girl was wiser and more mature than the years should have allowed. "How do I make it go away?"

            I rubbed the back of my hand over my eyes. "I know some fairy tales, told to me when I was young." Disney I fucking loved you right now. "I could tell them to you before bed."

            She looked up at me, "Are they happy stories?"

            "They all have happy endings." I tilted my head and looked down at her. "Now, what do you say we scare up some warm milk and see if the cooks made any cookies?"

            Amara brightened at the sound of sweets. Together we turned the kitchen upside down. We didn't find the milk or cookies, but we found a pudding that when you added a butt load of sugar didn't taste half bad.

            By the time we'd finished devouring the nasty pudding Amara was giggling. Her eye lids were drooping. She pulled the sleeve of her shirt down over her fingers and shivered a little. Smiling I pulled my cloak from my shoulders and wrapped it around her before I picked her up. I moved swiftly, now cold myself, back toward her rooms.

            When we reached them I built up the fire in her room after settling her down on her makeshift bed. Her little eyelids were half closed and I could tell she was struggling to stay awake. My heart tugged. How brave was this one child that with everything she'd gone through she managed to walked through a creepy as fuck keep to find me in my rooms and then proceeded to share some of her darkest nightmares with me?

            I crossed to her and sat down on the floor. She gave me a tired smile and I adjusted my cloak around her.

            "Once upon a time there was a girl and her name was Cinderella…."

 

My fingers gently twisted the knob to Amara's room and I snuck back down the hall toward my room. I hesitated outside for several moments before I passed that one too. What I wanted was a stiff drink. It'd been a long few weeks and these last few days were longer still. Before I knew it my feet carried me out through the main hall and down into the Herald's Rest.

            Somewhere the men had found a _piano_ of all things. A tired smile pulled one edge of my lips up. Of course it was a piano. I stared down at my fingers. There were a few people still milling around. It was late; I knew that much but how late? It wasn't like I could just look around the room for a clock. They were expensive and of Dwarven make.

            "Bottle of Chasind Mead and open a tab under Luna." I tapped my fingers on the bar while the man—not Flissa—behind it lifted a dusty bottle.

            "No Chasind to be had." He pushed it across the counter at me and I was not going to argue with him. I popped the cork and took a long pull. It burned on the way down and I gasped. Nodding at the barkeep I turned toward the piano. My fingers pressed a few keys. It was in tune and it was a huge surprise to me considering we had no way of telling how long it had been here.

            I tilted the bottle up again before I sat down on the bench. Cracking my neck I played a few scales before I started in on a few strictly melody pieces. I bounced between some of the classics before rolling onto something I could sing to.

            Now… I had no idea if I could actually sing. It was not something that I'd tried while relatively sober. My Turian self could carry a tune running backward up a hill with Geth shooting at her. Turians had lovely voices, each and every one of them. They were unique, their vocal cords vibrating on a different frequency so it sounded like multiple people were speaking at once.

            Aching fingers found the correct keys and I started to play a song from my high school days. I'd been a grungy little thing, dark eyeliner and a bleak outlook on life. My voice rose up into the rafters softly. The metal song sounded strange being played on the ivory keys of a piano when it was meant for electric guitars and drum sets.

            " _Such a lonely day, shouldn't exist/it’s a day I'll never miss…_ " My voice was surprisingly sweet and I wondered if it was something that was inherent to all elves or if I was just lucky that way. " _And if you go, I want to go with you/And if you die, I want to die with you_."

            My fingers moved seamlessly from one song to another. This one was better suited for a piano, the melody simplistic and yet sublime. " _When met she was fifteen/like a black rose blooming wild/And she already knew she was gonna die._ " Eyelids slid closed and I tilted my head back as the song slid over me. " _I will always be with you/I am the anchor of your sorrow/There's no end to what I'll do because I love you/ I love you to death._ "

            I heard the song, the _actual_ song in my head. The dips and turns that vocals took and when the music became softer or when it was so intense it made my heart ache with sorrow. It was no mystery to me why I was singing these sorts of songs.

            My head dropped forward and my fingers picked up the pace. They danced back and forth across the notes, my whole body moving with the force of my emotions. When the music allowed I drank, my fingers never slipping, never faltering. It had been too long since I played but each note was struck with a purity that I only recently started feeling.

            Bitterness welled up inside of me and my fingers slammed against every key in their reach. Discordant notes sang into existence and I pulled my hands back to myself, once more watching my fingers. This time they clenched and unclenched.

            I hadn't played a piano since I was nineteen.

            "You play beautifully." That voice sounded so familiar, deep and resonant. I snorted and pulled my bottle of nasty alcohol toward me. Standing I took a drink and looked at the man who spoke. My stomach dropped.

            _Fuck me_.

            Sober I was most definitely not and I was confident I was about to fuck something up. Why did anyone let me wander without a chaperone? It was wrong. Twenty eight I was but lord help me I was mentally a sixteen year old. Not really but I had the attitude of a teen with the temper of a demon. It was not a good mix and fuck me but the man in front of me was drop dead sexy and I had _dreamed_ of what it would be like to lay in bed next to him. Or… with him on top of me.

            My eyes darted around looking for anyone who was watching or seemed to be with the man in front of me. Did every gentleman that I'd fallen in love with in this cursed world _have_ to show up? Lips started to form his name but I forced myself to stop. There was no logical way that I'd know his name and if I just spouted it off I was very likely to have a fist through my chest.

            I craned my neck to look around again. Surely Alastair was getting ready to jump out of the shadows at me. Why now, of all time? When I was trying to be good and keep my panties to myself? Was this a test? If so I hated this world even more because I was _soo_ tempted to fail on purpose.

            **_Remember Pride._** Ms. Flame whispered to me. I nearly shook my head and slapped the side of my face to dislodge her voice. **_Dread Wolf_.** My lips curled. Of course this crazy ninny would remind me of Solas.

            "I don't think I've seen you 'round here before." I smiled at him and lifted a hand in the direction of the bar. A grunt signaled that the barkeep—needed to _learn_ his name—saw me. "May I?" My hand drifted to indicate the seat across the table from him. He gave me a smirk that'd give Solas a run for his money.

            "Drinking with a beautiful woman," his foot pushed out a chair, "is preferable to drinking alone."

            I _tsked_ at him but sat down in the offered chair. The grouchy barkeep slammed the bottle down on the table.

            Using the tips of my fingers I pushed the bottle across the table at him. _I_ was already drunk off my ass but I needed him to be right there with me so he wouldn't catch anything I said and look too deeply into it. Of all of the people in Thedas drinking with _him_ was probably one of the stupidest things I'd done. This man screamed suspicion of all walking things.

            He picked up the bottle and tilted it in my direction before he took a long pull. "Feralden wine always left something to be desired."

            I laughed and scrunched my nose, "It isn't very good, but it's cheap."

            "Point well made…?" He trailed off and gave me a pointed look.

            "Ghost." I smiled and resisted the urge to run the tips of my bare feet up his calf. He didn't wear shoes either if I remembered correctly. "Your accent is unfamiliar." No it wasn't. "Have you been in this part of the world long?" I took a drink and held it on my tongue. How long could I hold it before I needed to talk again?

            "Fenris love, who do you have here?" I choked on my alcohol. Not very long apparently.

            A large hand slapped the back of my hand. There was _no fucking way_ it belonged to a woman. I took another drink to sooth the ragged edges of my throat before I turned to look into the most piercing blue eyes I'd ever seen. Her hair was the color of raven's wings and was barely three inches long.

            My eyes drifted from her gaze to the smaller person standing next to her. He sighed, "Well, shit."

            "Cassandra is going to fucking eat you alive." I hissed at Varric. "I can't believe Leliana was _right_." I let out a disgruntled noise.

            "You know this woman dwarf?" Fenris asked, the tone of his voice hardened in an instant. I didn't know if my biotics would stop him if he went all ghosty _I'm gonna shove my fist in your chest_. I snorted and stood, carefully taking three steps away. Three steps was all I needed to keep him at arm's length.

            "Broody it isn't what it looks like." Varric defended. I used my three inches and loomed over him.

            "Didn't know where she was my magnificent ass." I snarled, "Now I'm going to have to play mediator and you _know_ I hate doing that. Cassandra doesn't even like me right now."

            "It is rather attractive." Hawke commented. When I twisted my head to look at her I saw that both her and Fenris had their heads tilted and were checking out said 'ass'. I sighed and ran a hand over my face. "What do you think Fenris, shall we keep her?"

            My stomach tightened at the prospect of being kept by them. It wasn't the only organ that was getting beside itself with excitement; the brain shared these lovely images of me handcuffed to a large four poster bed. Right, these were not good things. Well they were but they _weren't_ and god damn it why was I always drunk for important things?

            Varric cleared his throat and I didn't even have the grace to blush when I realized my ass was sticking farther out. I slapped a hand over my face. I needed to get these hormones in check. It wasn't like I was deprived or anything. Solas was seeing to my every need and fuck me sideways the wall had eyes. Were they going to whisper what happened tonight to him?

            " _Vhenan_?"

            Of _fucking_ course they were. Skyhold was already betraying me and I liked this fortress less and less with every passing second.

            The only thing that could make it worse was if Zevran-

            I stopped that thought cold in its tracks and glared around the room for the golden walking sex bomb, double checking anything with pointed ears. We were in the clear… for now.

            "Solas," I turned to look at him, a soft smile crinkling the corners of my eyes. "I couldn't sleep." It was the god damned truth and I wasn't going to back down. I hadn't done anything wrong. Yeah, just keep telling myself that.

            When he reached me his hand came up to cradle my neck, thumb pressing to the underside of my jaw, guiding my lips to his. "Gypsy was in the room when I woke, she has returned to Amara's room." Which was unusual enough—Gypsy sleeping with Solas, not the Amara bit—"Who are your friends?"

            I glared at Varric, "You should probably do the introductions, Master Tethras."

            "Fuck." Varric shook his head and gave a rueful smile. "Chuckles meet Hawke and Broody."

            "The Champion of Kirkwall?" Solas' hand dropped to my waist and fingers pulled me slightly against him. I stepped with the movement. So… I couldn't tell if I was _actually_ in trouble or if I could pin this somehow on Leliana and Varric. Was trouble brewing? Could Solas even _get_ jealous? I mean… if you were _at least_ eight thousand fucking years old you had to have participated in several dozen—if not hundreds—orgies over the years. Did the Elvhen even have monogamous relationships? I mean… Mythal and Elgar'nan were a mated pair—I think—but does that mean they were _strictly_ sleeping with only each other?  

            I didn't know and I really needed to learn these things.

            "They're still using that title?" Hawke pilfered the bottle I'd bought Fenris bringing me out of my thoughts and back into the current situation. I shouldn't be in trouble I hadn't done-

            I stopped and _forced_ my mindset to shift. Solas had absolutely no reason to be mad. While I had lustful thoughts about Fenris and Hawke I had not acted on them. If Solas did get mad at that, then he wasn't the man for me.

            I snorted, "This lot is _big_ into titles; don't expect it to go anywhere."

            "What are they calling you?" She gave me a knowing smirk, "It can't be Magnificent Ass, they seem too proper for that."

            "Can you see a group of Chantry Sisters calling my ass magnificent?" I snorted and she let out a small giggle of her own. "That'd be the day."

            "Hawke," Varric wasn't going to be deterred, "Meet the Anointed."

            Her eyes went wide momentarily and I wanted to smack the dwarf. "Really?" He shrugged at me.

            "Only fair Ghost." The smile on his face wasn't doing him any favors.

            "Well… this takes care of the favor for Leliana." I leaned into Solas, "Anyone want anything to eat?"

            "Do they have roast duck?" Hawke asked as she stepped forward and looped a hand through my arm.

            I snorted, "Highly doubt they have that here." I thought about it for a moment. "We could wake Josie and find out."

            "Ghost I don't think that's a good-"

            "To Josie!" Hawke declared as she steered us out of the tavern. "Fenris, be a dear and bring Chuckles will you?"

            Twisting I turned Hawke to the barkeep and ordered whatever they currently had on hand. Hawke smiled at me and pressed closer.

            "Varric spoke of you." She trailed a hand down the outer part of my arm, "You and I are going to get along famously."

            I snorted, "You have no GD idea how accurate you are." The barkeep slid six bowls of stew across the bar at me. It was a frequent dish here in Thedas and I was going to take the time to reinvent the menu here. Something told me that druffalo burgers and fries were going to be amazing.

            "What did you do before you joined the Inquisition?" Hawke was damned curious. "It seems strange that you eluded both the Blight and the events of Kirkwall."

            "Pirate." I smiled at her, longing for the days with Stefan when I could feign not knowing my past, "I sailed from port to port. The captain of the crew changed hands often, more so when we reached Kirkwall, so when we switched hands they steered clear lest there was another mutiny."

            "I know a pirate," Hawke nodded. "She is relatively well known, perhaps she knows you?"

            I laughed, the thought of Isabella knowing who I was? Oh that was tempting but no, "I blended into the background quite well before I joined the Inquisition."

            Hawke gave me a look that told me she didn't believe a single word I told her.

            Varric helped Hawke and I carry the food to a table in the corner. I noticed large horns tossing back a drink. My eyes darted further around, this time without looking for Zevran I noticed several things.

            One, all of Bull's crew was inside the tavern. Two, Krem was watching me rather closely while sitting on the back of a chair. Was he the new man Bull assigned to watch me after I found out… what was his name? He wasn't hard to detect, not with his obvious staring.

            I scrunched my nose and dug into the stew. After only a few mouthfuls my stomach started grumbling at me. Had it finally happened? Was I starting to get sick in Thedas? I assumed since I had a body that originated in this realm that my immunity was as good as the next guy but it was quite possible that I was coming down with their equivalent of the flu or cold. I hadn't noticed anything else but stress can cover the symptoms of an illness.

            "I need a vacation." The words were muttered into the half eaten bowl of food before I pushed it away.

            Hawke watched me, her eyes darting quickly between my breasts and my eyes. "So, _Ghost_ , are you going to reveal that I am here?"

            "Na," I shrugged my shoulders. "As far as I'm concerned you two are just another flower on the wall that is known as refugees." I pulled a piece of bread toward me and nibbled on it, "Tomorrow I will be here with another person. He will be obvious because he stands out in a crowd. Trust me and stay out of here tomorrow. Take refuge in the gardens or one of the towers."

            Fenris covered a smile and I glared at him. Hawke interrupted me before I could ask what the fuck he was smirking at, "It is quite noble of you to inform us of your intentions." She tilted her head and I saw a hawk like gleam in her eye. She was aptly named. I would never win a game of chess against her. "What is your end game?"

            "Love," I leaned forward and placed a hand over hers, "there is no _end game_. Just survival. You have no idea how ecstatic I am to meet you." I slapped a hand to the table several times before I stood and stalked off.

            Tonight had been ruined. Was I truly excited about meeting Hawke? Sure, she was the stuff of legends in this world. Did I want her and her sexy lover intruding on my night of drinking and self-loathing? No I did fucking _not_.

            All of this shit was supposed to happen _tomorrow_. And because I was not originally part of this world I was absolutely terrified that me meeting Hawke before Ellana had a chance to speak with her was going to derail things completely. Which is why I was going to refuse to spill the beans on Hawke. She was not here. I did not see her. She did not exist in my world until Ellana spoke with her. The timing was entirely up to the Champion. I was _not_ going to say a GD thing. Just like I was keeping Fen'Harel's secret.

            That one was easier though.

            Solas slid up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. "Would you like me to make you some tea?" His voice was quiet as he leaned over me, his whole body slowly moving so it encompassed me, hid me from the world. I scrunched my nose at his offer and he chuckled lightly before nibbling on the tip of my ear. "Your stomach is upset _vhenan_ and you have lost weight in the past few weeks." He sounded slightly distressed at this. "Is something wrong?"

            "No," I murmured. Slowly I turned in his embrace, arms looping up around his neck, back bowing to contort to his, fingers trailing across stubble that was growing in again. Inhaling provided me with his mouthwatering scent. It was addicting in the most basic way. "I'm just getting sick, probably stress induced."

            "It does not show." Solas assured, "However, perhaps it would be best if you took a day or two." I leaned away from him and looked at him through squinted eyes. "You are no use to anyone if you are spreading an illness to everyone you come in contact with."

            "I can't," I shook my head, "Cullen has this secret event planned tomorrow and there is a war meeting first thing in the morning." I really, like desperately, wanted water at this moment. Oh god, my stomach was so queasy. "We have to look into the attempt on Empress at her stupid ball that is coming up in a few months and Leliana thinks she has a lead on the demon—mphmg." I pulled back and turned my face to the side, Solas followed and pressed several more kisses against my jaw. "Do you _want_ to get sick?" A chuckle fell out of my mouth.

            Something odd struck me, "Can you even get sick?" He blinked at me several times and then he shook his head.

            "No," Solas sighed and pressed another kiss to my cheek before he straightened and pulled me with him. My arms somehow got pinned between my chest and his. As he started to speak I laid my head against his breast bone. "Immortality is a blessing in many ways. Longevity and eternal health are one and the same."

            "But…" I scrunched my nose in confusion, "how did the elves lose their immortality? Was it really coming into contact with humans?"

            A pained expression crossed his face and he released me to step back. The cold was apparent in the absence of his body heat. I cleared my throat and watched him, arms cross over my stomach.

            "It was the creation of the veil that was the down fall of my people."

            Slowly my head lifted up and to the side. My lips were pressed tightly together. I didn't know what to say to that. Solas was stating that he, single handedly, was the reason that his people started to die. Which… in a perverted way made a sick sort of sense.

            "The Elvhen were creatures of magic, spirits and flesh mixed together." I hazarded, "So… if they were cut off from the source of magic, the fade, then it would… be plausible that they would start to age and die."

            He laughed mirthlessly, "Impressive." Solas nodded his head, "For you to see so quickly what I could not. You shame me."

            "Hindsight is always 20/20." I gave him a small smile and shrugged, "I'm sorry, I can't even imagine the pain it must have caused you." After a moment I added, "Is still causing you." I was entirely too drunk for this conversation despite my ability to enunciate perfectly. People won't bring you more alcohol if you're slurring like vagrant in the streets.

            A wave of nausea washed over me. I covered my mouth and turned away from Solas. Fucking hell I would _not_ drink the swill that bartender served me ever again. Alcohol had never taken me down like this. Dizzy? Sure, the world could spin like a top and I just rolled, occasionally yelling _weeee_ along the way. Headache the next morning? Only if I didn't guzzle a butt load of water in the middle of the night. But queasy stomach? Nope, I just ate comfort food, felt a little tension behind my eyes and moved on with my day.

            My hand found solid purchase against a wall and I lost the contents of my stomach. It would help, getting some of the alcohol out of my system. Damn, I didn't think I'd drank that much. The stew wasn't helping either. Regurgitating it did not make it taste better.

            Gentle hands gathered my hair and held it back while I continued to vomit everything I'd eaten in the last week. A sour taste lingered at the back of my tongue and I would seriously love for some minty toothpaste instead of the paste they had here. Oh it still had mint in it, but it was gritty and they couldn't quite cover the nasty taste of the primary ingredient. I was quickly becoming to believe that it was made from elfroot, which was weird because the potions tasted _nothing_ like how the stupid paste tasted.

            One of my knees gave out and I almost pitched forward. Solas, quick as a wolf, wrapped a hand around my arm and held me steady.

            "Can you walk?" He asked softly as he helped me to stand.

            "I…" I blinked up at him. Suddenly he was not just one, but many. The world spun harshly and I did not feel like I was on a roller coaster. No this felt like someone tossed me into one of those huge tires and rolled it down a hill.

            "Luna?" Solas whispered as he stepped closer. His other hand came up and wrapped around me, pulling me closer to his body. I turned my head away from him and just focused on breathing.

            The world spun again and suddenly the sky was directly in front of my face and the stars were bobbing back and forth. I, seriously, had not drunk enough alcohol for the night sky to be doing its best impression of warp speed _planet side_.

            "Fuuucckkk…."


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hey! Hey!" I screamed as I dropped onto hands and knees to crawl under the table and away from Cassandra, "We agreed that you wouldn't use a pointy sword! Get a fucking sti-ARG!" I flattened and rolled to the side. Cassandra was on a war path. She was pissed. She also broke the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! Another chapter out! 
> 
> Love three day weekends!

"I'm fine." I mumbled as I tried to roll out of the body eating blankets from hell. Every time I rolled over one part squished down and sucked me right back into the depths. "Val Royeaux." A hand covered my mouth and I laid back down.

            Was anyone even in the room with me?

            "I have to go to Val Royeaux. Promised Amara a bed."

            "As lovely as Val Royeaux is this time of year," why was there a deep feminine voice in my room, "you will not be traveling there." Chilled fingers pressed to my forehead and her face swam into view. I suppress the involuntary scream and moved my face to the side.

            "Why are your hands so fucking cold?" I snapped as I tried to roll over again.

            "They are a perfectly acceptable temperature, I assure you dear." Vivienne sniffed and picked something up. "You are simply burning with fever." She snapped her fingers and the blankets came _alive_. They wrapped around me and pulled me back into their depth. "And it is no wonder, lost in the mountains, body temperature dangerously low preceded by months of high stress? It is a marvel."

            "What is?" I accepted a goblet full of a suspicious looking fluid. Her cold hands pressed against the back of my neck and she helped me into a sitting position. The liquid was bitter and I choked on it.

            "Drink it all, dear." Vivienne chided. She stood and started toward the door. "Perhaps it would be best if Solas found a different place to rest for the next week or so."

            I gave her a confused look, " _What_?"

            "Of course, the choice is entirely your own Anointed." She inclined her head, "I shall send a servant with more tea, drink it without sugar twice a day and you will start to feel better by the end of the week. Today, simply rest."

            Vivienne breezed out of my room with her head held high, heels clacking against the stone floor.

            I glared into the cup, "This is tea?" Scrunching my nose I quickly tossed the rest back. The bitterness coated my throat and I worked my tongue across the top of my mouth several times in attempt to get rid of the taste. "What the fuck?"

            My eye lids started to droop and I found it difficult to lift my head. What the hell was in that tea?

 

A scream erupted from my lips and I jerked into a sitting position. Worst. Dream. Ever. Well… not _ever_ ever but it was still horrible. I shivered once before I rolled out of the blankets that I strangely had mixed feelings for. It was still comfortable as hell but as soon as I could get my ass down the mountain to Val Royeaux I was totally going to get a bed and maybe escort the wagon carrying it back here so I didn't have to sleep in it a moment longer than necessary.

            Dreaming about blankets coming alive and eating you while you slept was creepy as hell and not something that I was in a hurry to repeat.

            Someone knocked on the door and I turned to watch it for a long moment. It was not anyone that… I really wanted to see right now. Because Solas and I shared a room and Amara didn't knock.

            Perhaps I should invest in a lock for that door before she was scarred for life. Sighing I ran the tips of my fingers across my scalp and slumped toward the door. There was this foul taste in my mouth and I had no idea who or what put it there but they needed to be shot.

            "Yes?" I asked as I opened the door. Zevran stood on the other side of it and I groaned. He held up a box.

            "A rather attractive woman asked that I deliver this to you."

            I glared at the thing in his hand. "What did she look like?"

            "Tall, scary."

            "No hair? A sneer of perfection across rich skin?"

            "Ah!" Zevran smiled and stepped past me into the room. I flung the door wide open and turned to look at him, "Good, you do know who she is."

            "Vivienne." I sighed, "What are you doing here?"

            "We are past due for an appointment _mi cara_." He started milling about the room, picking things up, moving others. "Where is the kettle, you do have one yes?"

            "Why do you need a kettle?" I demanded as I walked toward him. "Zevran these are my private rooms-"

            "Vivienne was quite insistent that you drink this twice a day." He held up the box, "I intend to see that it happens."

            "Good fucking luck with that." I growled as I swiped up a change of clothes and started toward the bathroom. _That_ door had a lock on it.

            "You are not going to wear that, yes?" I stopped and turned to look at Zevran and then down at my clothes. I had a pair of loose breeches and a comfortable shirt.

            "What, exactly, is _wrong_ with me wearing this?" I shook them at him.

            "We have that favor for Leliana, _mi cara_." He gave me a gleaming smile as he shoved the kettle into the fire place. Why on earth did we even _have_ that in our rooms? Solas _hated_ tea and the cooks in the kitchens made a better cup of coffee than I could ever dream of making.

            Glaring at him I stalked back to my pile of clothes. Zevran walked over and helped me rifle through my clothes.

            "We aren't even supposed to show up together." I sighed as snatched the clothes he held out to me. "Out!" I pointed at the door, "I'll be there in a bit."

            "Do not forget to drink your tea, _mi cara_."

            I walked behind him to the door and slammed it closed. Fuck this day already. And there was _no way in hell_ I was drinking that tea again. It knocked me on my ass faster than I could blink and I was not going to be down and out for a full week.

            A trail of dirty clothes followed me to the bathroom where I took a _shower_. It was downright marvelous and it made me long for the days of Arlathan if this was an everyday thing. Why couldn't they have kept this one piece? Tevinter stole everything else but didn't keep proper hygienic equipment? What kind of topsy turvy world was this? Why was 'clearing magical residue from your aura with a specific twirl of the staff' okay for Tevinter to adopt as their own but not indoor plumbing?

            Seriously, Tevinter? Seriously? Get your priorities _straight_. Maybe half of the world wouldn't be dying because of infection if readily available hot water was an _actual_ thing. Oh! And whoever claimed this fortress between Arlathan and now, **shame on you for not sharing these with the world**. Just… _shame_.

            The shower was absolute bliss and my lord was I dying to give the tub a try. It was one of those antique claw foot tubs. Everything about this room was divine and it felt like it came straight out of my dreams.

            Once I was dry and my hair was bound back into a simple braid I dressed in the clothes the King of the Crows picked out. I had no idea what I was going to do about him. Zevran was so _different_ in person than he had been in the game. Well… not exactly because the casual sex turned into awkwardness if it went on for too long. I didn't think we'd gotten that far. I'd slept with him _once_. It had been a clean break on my end. I'd hardly spared him a second thought once the ship sailed out of port. I _loved_ Zevran from the games, the suave ladies' man that swooped in and loved you no matter your race. Alistair was amazing, but if you weren't human and he became king it was over. Alistair was sweet and innocent, Zevran was… he was _dangerous_ and it had been thrilling.

            But Solas? It was horrible to say but I didn't have anything to base him off of, no pedestal to put him on to make comparisons between in game and actual world. I knew, honestly I did, that this wasn't a game. I'd learned that lesson in my last life. The pain was real, death was real. It wasn't a video game, it was _life_ ; it was messy and full of hardships. Starvation was a very real thing that I experienced while I drifted between planets wondering where my next payday was coming from.

            I fell in love with the _game_ version of Zevran, not the real him. Solas? I was in love with the real him, and I would do anything to keep him as long as he wanted me because it was the first time in my life that I was _truly_ in love with anyone. What I had with Jack wasn't love. I didn't love Garrus, I _lusted_ Garrus and Stefan was just safety incarnate. But Solas was all passion and heat wrapped in love and… and… everything. I had it really bad for him; he was there when I needed him. He fought for me even when I didn't understand why, I had been full of suspicion and distrust of him and-

            Holy hell I trusted him. He was in my room, a room _he_ chose for me because he _knew what my life had been like_. I showed him, gave him pieces of information about me I hadn't given anyone else and wouldn't divulge if they showed me my own intestines. Despite all my protests and digging my heels in I trusted Solas with my very existence, I trusted him with my heart and my soul and I couldn't even tell him I loved him? What kind of bullshit was that?

            Someone started pounding on the door to the bathroom. I snapped out of my revere and finished dressing in the very tight, hardly concealing pants Zevran chose and a shirt that had about a bazillion buttons down the side.

            How…? _Where_ was the better word. Where did these come from? I didn't own anything like this. It was nice, the shirt was red and the pants were black, but-

            The knock came again and I opened the door. Amara stood on the other side, her dolls clutched tightly in her hands. She bounced in place and held one out to me.

            "Do you have time for dollies?" The smile on her face was heartbreakingly sweet and I wanted nothing more than to sink down on the floor in my room and play make believe. I knelt in front of her and hugged her doll to my chest.

            "I have one thing I need to do and then I will play dollies with you. Or we can do something else like…" what was something I played as a kid? "Tag! Or hide-n-seek."

            "What's tag?" Amara looked up at me, her little hand drifting toward her hair to tuck it behind her ear. "It doesn't sound very fun."

            I pulled her close, "Oh kid, it's the best. I can explain the rules to you later but I have an appointment to keep. Tonight, promise."

            She gave me a quick hug before liberating her dolly and ran away screaming for Bella. Kid was amazing.

            I needed to speak with Josephine tonight about those travel arrangements. My duties as Anointed and part of the Inquisition were important but I _chose_ to take on Amara and she needed to come first. There were certain things she needed that I couldn't get from just anywhere. At least from Skyhold I was several days closer to Val Royeaux. Hell getting to a port city and sailing there would be easiest.

            Several ideas began popping into my mind. They kept circling and before I knew it I was in the Tavern again. Several people from last night were there. Did they ever go to their rooms? Sighing I dropped into a chair next to the bar and slid a gold piece over the counter.

            "For the bottles last night," I watched as the barkeep eagerly swept up the coin. "Any change can be applied to my tab, I want a running one at all times. And I want to change it from Luna to Miranda." There were at _least_ two people that would willingly add drinks under my name. Sera being one of them and Skinner. She didn't like me very much.

            "Nointy!" Sera boomed at me. My head jerked up just in time to see her vault over the railing and land all but gracefully on the ground floor. "Heard 'bout what happen last night." There was a mischievous grin on her face. "Real shame, innit?"

            "Multi-legged, but worse. Slithering across the floor like snakes, little antenna twitching. Mated, always two of them." Cole spoke up from behind me. I signed and dropped my head to the counter. "Don't worry, the cats will eat them."

            "Wonderful." I groaned and patted Cole's chest lightly. "Thank you hon."

            "He's creepy, right?" Sera edged closer to me, "Does he just… pop up wherever?"

            Pulling my head off the nasty bar I turned to gaze at Cole. "Solas has shared some information about him, and from what I understand Ellana-" Sera slapped me.

            "You missed it!" She shouted, "It was bloody brilliant, should have seen the look on her face."

            I turned a glare on her, "What, exactly, did I miss?"

            Sera opened her mouth to reply but she was distracted when someone walked into the bar. "Quizzy!" I flinched at her loud squeal.

            "Sera," I turned to look at who spoke, unsurprised to see that it was Ellana, "Luna." She gave me a dazzling smile and slid onto a stool next to mine. "How are you feeling?"

            I was taken aback slightly, what had I missed? "Better, thanks to Vivienne." The words actually _hurt_ to say. Vivienne and I stood on opposite ends of the same issues. On every single one. I was beginning to wonder if we were doing this to each other on purpose, despite how absurd it would be. "Why did Sera call you Quizzy?" I snorted and tapped the bar, "Anything but alcohol." Turning back to Ellana, "Did you get a fancy new title?"

            Ellana was all but bouncing in her seat, "Actually, yes!" She did a little dance in her lap, "Luna, they made me Inquisitor." My eyes widened, holy shit was that the secret event that I'd been knock on the flat of my back for?

            "Con-congratulations!" What else was I going to say? In my mind Ellana was too young to be the Inquisitor. She'd barely seen her nineteenth year. By Earth standards _yes_ she was an adult but she was so young and the Dalish knew nothing of politics from beyond their Clans. "Sorry I missed it this morning."

            Ellana didn't notice any of my reservations about her new position. She gently patted my arm, "It's alright Luna. Vivienne told us what happened."

            "I'm still not entirely sure _what_ happened." I chuckled and picked up the glass of milk that—shit still didn't know his name. "Hey!" I called out to the barkeep's retreating form, "What's your name?"

            He blinked at me several times before he barked, "Cabot." He didn't wait for a reply as he turned and proceeded to take care of the others.

            "So," I returned my attention to the golden skinned beauty in front of me, "how is life as the Inquisitor?"

            Her face fell a little, but she continued to smile, "Daunting." She started to clean under the nails of one hand, "But I hope to make a difference for our people-"

            "Pbft…." I leaned past Ellana to look at Sera.

            "What was that?"

            "Stupid elfy bullshite." Sera turned and leaned her back against the counter. "It shouldn't be about just elves, but everyone."

            "Sera does not like elves." Cole stated, reminding me that he was still here. "They cling tightly to the past, wanting information lost a thousand times over. Move on, move passed _past_."

            "Shut it!" Sera barked before she stood up and strode away. I watched her go.

            "So, she doesn't like Dalish?" I asked as I looked at Ellana, "You'd think she'd get along with Solas then."  Ellana snorted into a drink I didn't see her get. "So, _Inquisitor_ what is the first order of business?"

            "You," she looked at me in all seriousness, "are to come to a war meeting today and I am supposed to be meeting one of Varric's contacts to learn more about Corypheus."

            I nodded and held up my glass, "These are, of course, friendly suggestions because none but the Divine may command me." I winked at her, the corners of my lips pulling up into a smile. "Being the 'Hand of the Maker' and all that has some perks. One of them being, no one is in charge of me _but_ Her."

            She nodded sagely and it looked just _wrong_. "I am the will of His Bride though," she offered up into the growing racket, "and is the woman not in charge of relationships?"

            "Ohh!" I giggled and clinked my glass on the edge of hers, "You've got me there."

            She smiled and tossed back the rest of her drink, "Seriously though, rest because Leliana thinks she knows who this person is and we might have to tackle Cassandra."

            Oh fuck, I forgot about that part. I slammed the rest of my milk back. "I'm on Cassie Duty!" I shouted before I ran out of the tavern. I already knew Hawke was here, along with her scary Broody elf, so I needed to get eyes on either her or Varric because I didn't think she'd stab him in the book but his chest hairs.

 

"Hey! Hey!" I screamed as I dropped onto hands and knees to crawl under the table and away from Cassandra, "We _agreed_ that you wouldn't use a pointy sword! Get a fucking sti-ARG!" I flattened and rolled to the side. Cassandra was on a war path. She was pissed. She also broke the table.

            Apparently someone saw me talking to Hawke and let the cat out of the bag. Cassandra was madder than ever, and I was trying to keep her rage on me not on the dwarf with the glistening locks of hair on his magnificent chest.

            "How many other secrets are you keeping from the Inquisition?" She roared at me as I popped up to my feet and dashed around a table. Subtly I flicked my hand, trying to get Varric out of the room.

            "Nothing, I swear!"

            "Liar!" She threw a shield at me. I flailed my arms out, barely managing to keep on my toes. "You knew she was here!"

            "I found out last night!" I screamed and dodged the ceramic bowl she chucked at my head. "Woah! Put that down." She was holding a throwing knife, "I have enough holes and-" I doubled over. Oh god my stomach hurt and all this running was making me queasy again. I think the milk Cabot gave me was spoiled. The cramps were so intense and—"What the fuck Cassandra?!" I looked down at my arm and watched as a steady drip-drip of blood leaked down my bicep and onto the floor. The knife clattered to the ground behind me.

            My eyes were wide as saucers. Varric cleared his throat in the background and Cassandra went as still as a doe in a clearing during hunting season. All of her ire turned to the dwarf and I was genuinely concerned for his well-being.

            "Really, Varric?" I whispered as I edged around the room, "This is the thanks I get?"

            Cassandra bolted toward him and he skirted around the edge of the table. "You _knew_ where she was all along! We needed her help. Neither of you should be here. You are a liar and a thief and the death of the Divine is on your-"

            "Enough." Ellana walked into the room and glared at the three of us. "Cassandra do not finish that sentence, you will regret it later."

            Cassandra pressed her lips together.

            "Both Varric and Luna have earned their place with the Inquisition, a dozen times over." The Inquisitor walked further into the room. I tried to remain at the edges of the room. Maybe if I was lucky I could sneak out of here. Holy shit I was going to need stitches. The Dragon Age games set unrealistic standards with their healing spells. I knew, logically, that I would go to Solas, and endure the pain of force healing but god damn it all to hell was I tired of being stabbed.

            "I will not apologize-"

            "And what if she had been there?" Varric demanded suddenly, "You know what I think would have happened. She'd be dead too." He stood at the top of the stairs, "You people have done enough to her."

            Varric descended out of sight and the three of us were left standing in the room. I was done. I was so done.

            "I am leaving, tonight." I announced into the silent room. "There are things I need in Val Royeaux and perhaps while I'm gone Cassandra can think about how she threw a _knife_ at me." I pinned her with a glare, "I'm tired of your sanctimonious bullshit. We all have our secrets. You are not entitled to everything I know, nor are you entitled to everything Varric knows. You are a fool Cassandra, a fool who thinks the world owes her everything on a silver platter just because she demands it. Is this what the Inquisition is?" I looked between Ellana and Cassandra. The latter was still seething and she was glaring at me. "You have no right to hold people against their will, or drag them halfway across Thedas because you _feel_ like it! Grow up!"

            Spinning I stormed down the stairs, not even bothering to hide the wound on my arm. I was sick and tired of being treated like a leper because people couldn't get over themselves and just get the _fuck_ along.

            It wasn't long before I had a bag packed. It took me longer to track down Gypsy and Amara.

            "Pack a bag hon, we're leaving for Val Royeaux." I gave her a smile, "We're gonna get you a bed and some new clothes, 'kay?"

            She clapped and bounced up and down. "I can't wait!"

            "I know," I patted her head gently, "go and meet me by the stables in half an hour."

            Amara bounded off, her curls bouncing with every stride.

 

Tomen and Emma watched me as I paced back and forth. "I am going to Val Royeaux, there is so much…" I grunted and tried again. "You are my team." I stopped and looked at them. "You volunteered for this and you will volunteer for _every_ thing you do. I will never force you."

            "You're bleeding." Emma pointed at my arm, "What happened?"

            "It's a long story and ultimately unimportant." I waved it away, "Thank you for your concern though. It is your choice if you come with me to Val Royeaux, if you do wonderful we will continue your training on the road. If not… well I expect I should be back in three weeks to a month." I smiled at them, "If you desire to come with me meet me at the stables."

 

"Owowowow." I whined as Solas passed a hand over the cut. "I'll never get used to that." He smiled down at me but there was a sadness behind his gaze. "What is it?" One of my hands came up to cup his chin, "Is everything alright?"

            "Perfectly." He pressed a kiss to my forehead, "When do we leave?"

            "Just like that?"

            "Someone has to ensure you are not arrested in Val Royeaux." He put several articles of clothing into his bag along with a large tomb. "What would Amara do then? Or that wolf of ours."

            _Ours_ , I mouthed at his back. Since when had he ever thought of Gypsy as anything other than an annoyance? My heart caught in my throat at his words and I felt like a stupid ninny.

            Clearing it I spoke, "Have you had a chance to speak with Dorian?" He sighed and hung his head.

            " _Vhenan,_ I know you are looking for a way to rid yourself of the other soul but I am not sure it can even be done." Solas approached, "Dorian desires to do what I did, however it is not as easy as that. The task is complex; it was never designed to carve specific pieces away. It required one of the greatest healers of my age and the strongest of us to keep Andruil whole. I would not see you shattered."

            I swallowed roughly, "I have to try."

            "Give me time," he whispered as he walked over and lifted my chin with the tips of his fingers. "Allow me the opportunity to think of another way, and if I find none, we will try yours and Dorians."

            My head nodded of its own accord but I was afraid of what Solas was saying. And… what would happen to what was left? Would they even get all of her in one go? How badly would it hurt to rip a chunk of a soul from my body? What if they took a piece of me?

            I would give Solas his time and then some because Dorian's way absolutely terrified me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love all of your comments! Thank you!


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It really is delicious." I told him with a cheeky grin on my face. He surged forward and pressed a kiss to my lips, taking his time in exploring every inch. A hand gripped my hair close to my scalp and I felt something moist press into my head. I groaned and broke the kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW toward end of the chapter. 
> 
> I love being able to update frequently!
> 
> OH! And I thought you guy might enjoy knowing that I've planned out the next part of the story with the help of the husband. We are quickly approaching 200k words so Inquisition is coming to an end and we get to play around with the time frame between Inquisition and Trespasser.

Val Royeaux. It took us a week to get here. Tomen and Emma opted to come with me, Roland had not been informed because he was ultimately in Leliana's pocket and I did not want a direct connection to the Inquisition at this moment. It was a vacation and no I was not going to feel shitty for abandoning my post.

            Also I sent Leliana a letter from the first scout camp we came across because I was not going to have her sending people after me. Anndd…. She kind of scared me a little. Not to mention they paid my salary.

            I'd yet to hear anything back from the spy master but I told her what I told Ellana. I was headed for Val Royeaux and I'd be back as soon as we finished our shopping. A task that wasn't as easy as it appeared because I had to _know_ people to shop at the important places because—you guessed it—elves were frowned upon.

            After almost punching someone in _Benny's Beautific Beds_ Emma grounded me. Yes, I'd been _grounded_ by a lacky. Horrible part was I agreed with her. My temper was starting to get the better of me. My whole system was out of whack, one minute I seething angry and the next I was ready to cry. I was chalking it up to stress and being an elf in Val Royeaux was not helping.

            Hell we had to rent a _house_ while we were in the city because no inn would house Solas or I for more than a day and _Tomen_ had to make the arrangements because they wouldn't take money from me. I was not wearing the livery of any recognizable house so therefore I was not _employed by anyone important enough to rent the house_.

            Ohh… I was beyond livid.

            "The letter from Vivienne came in." Emma half whispered into the study I was currently ensconced in. She was quieter than usual, but she was sore. In two ways, both physically and mentally at me.

            "Excellent, bring it here." She walked with a slight hitch in her gait. I winced in sympathy. I was _not_ kind in their training. I'd found the largest set of stairs in the whole house—three stories you do the math on how many stairs there were—and made them run up it, then climb down a rope I'd secured to the railing on the _third_ story only to have them climb _back_ up the rope and run down the stairs. Rinse and repeat.

            They had to do this twenty times each. Emma, poor thing, was on the verge of tears when I stopped them on the second day here and Tomen glared at me anytime I entered a room.

            My fingers eagerly gripped the letter and I ran my gaze over it several times. It was exactly what I'd asked for. Vivienne, Imperial Court Enchantress to her Empress, _Madame de Fer_ herself had written me a letter of introduction. My letter of introduction was separate and at the bottom bore her seal. It was heavily implied in the post script that I owed her greatly.

            What did a woman who had the noble court in her pocket possibly want from me? I didn't think she'd be bought as easily as Dorian and his candied dates, but perhaps some of the most luxurious chocolate I could find and a decadent set of skin lotions?

            Probably not but I was getting them for her anyway.

            Upon glancing up I saw that Emma had retreated from the room. Hmm… I had been rather hard on them. Perhaps a nice Earth dish to sort out the hard feelings? Training was not meant to be pleasant; I was building up their upper and lower body strength. It wasn't like they could walk into a gym and run on a treadmill or lift weights.

            They were coming along quite nicely though, it was time to take it to the next level. We'd been here a week longer than I wanted already and while they weren't quite completing their exercises in the allotted time frame—let's be real neither could I—they were down to an hour and a half.

            "Alright people! Amara and I are headed out! Solas is in charge." When I rose Gypsy rose with me, "Stay." I commanded and pointed at the floor. "People don't appreciate me dragging a dire wolf into their shops and I want to get the fuck out of this city."

            She whined at me and dropped her head a little.

            "Go see if Emma has a treat for you." I waved at the door, "Go on."

            Amara came sliding into view. She loved the hardwood floors, especially after I showed her how she could slide around on them in her socks. Now she didn't want to wear shoes.

            "Got the list?" I asked as I plucked my cloak off of a hook behind the door. Amara waved it back and forth in front of her several times, an excited grin on her face. "Wonderful, get your shoes."

            She ran, her feet never lifting from the ground. I suddenly had an urge to get her a pair of ice skates. Something told me she'd be impeccable at it. Good sense of balance.

            "Don't forget the weights I made for you!" I called after her. Her head popped back into view and she gave me a disgruntled look before she vanished again. "I'm serious! You wanted to learn how to fight!"

            Taking a leaf from _Dragon Ball Z_. Goku always fought with weights, made him faster when he took them off. It would be good to build her speed at a young age, instead of forcing her when she was older. They weren't heavy, just two pounds, but it would help increase her muscles over all as well as her speed. At least, it was the theory, which is _why_ it was only two pounds. I didn't need her developing weird habits because I didn't know what the hell I was talking about.

            Amara pranced back into view, a little sullen at the prospect of wearing shoes. She kept scuffing the bottom of her soles on the floor. I counted. From her bedroom to the entryway it was no less than thirty seven times. It was only fifty steps from there to here.

            "Pick up your feet." I chided, "You want everyone to know where you are?"

            "You're no fun." She whined and stuck her tongue out at me.

            My mouth flopped open and closed several times. "I am _too_ fun." I challenged, "Just don't want you giving away our presence if we have to ambush someone." I pulled my head back and lifted a single eyebrow at her.

            Her eyes rounded, "You really think we'll have to fight people?"

            "Who knows, maybe?" I said airily. No, I didn't think we were going to fight anyone while shopping but it would keep Amara on her toes as long as she thought about it. "Grab your cloak, kiddo."

            And we were out the door. The first two shops gave us a hard time until I whipped the letter out. Then everyone started tittering and bringing out bolts of cloth and holding the bright colors against Amara's skin. Amara was drawn to the metallic colors; the shimmering golds and the earthy greens. I pointed her in the direction of purples and blues.

            She stood up on a platform, calm and happy. Every once in a while she would turn to me with a question and I smile and nod at her.

            Every shop we visited after that didn't require the letter. It seemed that my presence here in the city was spreading like wild fire. Vivienne talked me up quite a bit in the letter, using my title and claiming that I was a patron of hers. Which, in a skewed kind of way, I was; considering that no one in the Inquisition could give orders to me. Not anymore.

            In the end, Amara had a very wide selection—no less than eight—dresses to choose from, and four pairs of pants and _seven_ shirts; a whole new wardrobe.

            The sun was still high in the sky when we left from the fourth shop. Amara wanted pretty shoes and if the Inquisition was planning on attending a ball—it was—I was not leaving Amara behind. It was something that she would absolutely love and I knew it. I would have _loved_ to attend a ball when I was younger, even played dress up and pretended I was dancing with the Queen of England.

            "Right, but we get one set of pretty shoes and two functional." I pointed at her. "We are _not_ going to be lugging back enough shoes to fit the whole organization, alright?"

            Shoes were a women's weakness. Even mine. When we entered the shoes shop both Amara and I became entranced. She found a pair she instantly liked and they took her measurements. I wanted the shoes to fit her feet, not something that was common here and it was hella expensive but getting blisters that could become infected because they rubbed the wrong place was not something I wanted for her.

            I… I was not ashamed to admit that I walked out with an order for a pair of boots. They were lovely, black leather that rose up to my knee. It would be perfect with any dress I chose because black went with everything, or so I believed.

            At the end of the day—we still had _another_ day of shopping waiting for us—Amara had everything she needed/wanted. I ordered several outfits for myself and got a replacement shirt—two actually—and a pair of pants for Solas. No I didn't forget that I ripped his pants with my canines, I don't think I'd _ever_ forget that.

            "Amara," I called out drawing her back to me. She twirled in circles absolutely over the moons with everything that had happened today. "I need to pick out something for Solas, you want to help?"

            She ran over to me, "We like Solas now?"

            I laughed and patted her head, "Sweetling you didn't have to dislike him just because I did. Solas has done a lot for the both of us." My gaze trailed over the scar on her face. It had faded to a thin line. I pressed a hand to the side of her face, "Do you like Solas?"

            She scrunched her nose at me, "He is silly. Did you see him light his coat on fire?"

            I snorted, "No I did not, I am very sorry that I missed that." It must have been fucking hilarious!

            "He's nice though." Amara nodded at me, "Solas is quiet but he is kind to everyone. He helps people no matter what."

            "Yes, he really does." I sighed and thought of all the times Solas helped me and I pushed him away because of distrust. "Come on hon, we need to pick out some earrings for him."

            We wandered the stalls around the city square until Amara found the smith with the jewelry. She picked pieces up and put them down just as quick. She darted back and forth showing me rings and bracelets that she loved. It wasn't until she came across a simple set of earrings. They were silver, but they'd been hit with a brass brush so there was a faint dusting of brass across the surface.

            "I like these ones." Amara nodded at me.

            "I like them too." I smiled down at her and turned to pay for them.

            "Oh can we get some frilly cakes?" Amara bounced and pointed at the sweet shop nearby. Now that I was paying attention delightful smells permeated the air around us and my stomach grumbled in response.

            I eyed her. She'd been very well behaved an only dropped on accidental cunt when one of the seamstresses had poked her with a pin. "Alright."

            We walked in and instantly the man behind the counter saw my ears and pointed at the door. "Out, we don't serve your kin' here."

            "Oh for fucks _sake_." I slammed my hand against the counter and glared up at him, fingers rolling into the palm of my hand, "Fuck you buddy, I want cupcakes so does the kid and if you refuse _her_ I'll climb over the eighteen inches of wood between me and you and kick your ass all the way to the Chantry." Amara giggled behind me. The man eyed me for a long moment before I slapped a pouch full of coin on the counter, "Or you can get me my cupcakes and I'll leave a generous tip."

            Money was the language of the people. A whole fucking gold coin would feed him for a week, so I'd give him two. It was no skin off my back. What did I need money for? Most of my shit was scrounged up, and I didn't use weapons anymore. Only thing I needed was a _proper_ set of armor. None of this cleavage bouncing in the wind bullshit. It was beginning to hurt.

            Why did men think it was what we wanted?

            Amara stepped forward and started pointing to the different cakes she wanted. She got many of the small ones that went in an elegant looking box and I demanded a big three tiered white cake drizzled with chocolate and topped with strawberries.

            We exited the shop and shared a look. Together we busted up laughing and walked back to the house with a little extra bounce in our step. Cake was one thing that Amara and I both loved, she'd never had any fancy ones and my heart hurt all over again for her. If she was ever put into a tower again I'd tear it down brick by bloody brick.

            Amara, the little terror, ran into her room and locked the door behind her. The cake box clutched firmly between both hands.

            "Hey!" I shouted through the closed door, "No more than one! Dinner is in an hour!"

            "'kay!" Her voice sounded thick, like she'd already shoved a large portion of one cake in her mouth. Sighing I walked away from the door and into the kitchen.

            What to make for dinner?

            I clicked my tongue several times while I rifled through the larder. There was a lot of bread and cheese and hanging dried meat. There was a very limited selection of fresh foods. Apples and vegetables mostly which were a balanced part of a meal that as a guardian I should think of.

            I laughed myself out of the larder. Yes, I was giving Amara a balanced meal by allowing her to stay locked in her room with a _box_ full of _cupcakes_.

            I sobered instantly and met the eyes of my lover who was currently digging into _my_ cake with zeal. His hand paused halfway through his bite and his mouth was hanging open. There was a slight smear of icing on the corner of his lips, like he'd taken too big of a bite. I tilted my head and smiled up at him.

            "Find something you like?"

            He cleared his throat and set the fork down on the counter top. "Apologies, _arasha_."

            I felt a little mischievous streak inside of me. Keeping my eyes on the cake I walked around the counter and looked. Surprise spiked in my stomach. He hadn't even used a _plate_.

            Had he been so eager for the cake that he hadn't wanted to take the time it took to cut a piece free? How… adorable.

            I think I found Solas' weakness. Elegant cake. Mental note officially made.

            My mouth wrapped around a _tsk_ -ing sound and I moved to a cupboard. Rummaging around I found a plate and a knife. Returning to him I set the plate on the counter with extra care and cut a generous piece and placed it on the plate. Using his fork I cut the tip off and slid it into my mouth.

            Oh _fuck_ it was divine. It was a waste really, what I was about to do. Gently I set the fork back on the plate and lifted it up to Solas. A smile pulled the corner of his lips up and I breathed shallowly. I wonder what the outcome of this would be?

            Quickly my eyes darted around; I didn't see any books or ancient scrolls that I was about to damage.

            The chocolate would wash out… probably.

            I pulled the plate slightly out of reach and stepped into him; lifting up onto my toes I pressed an open mouth kiss over the icing on his lips. He hummed and turned into it, delving deeply into my mouth. He tasted faintly of the cake, vanilla and sugar, mixed with the bitterness of the strawberries.

            An arm wrapped around my lower back, holding me close to him and supporting my weight as he pulled up slightly. His knee bumped into mine and his other hand snaked lower, he palmed my butt, fingers kneading the flesh gently.

            I broke the kiss and smiled up at him. In his eyes shone love. Actual love, not possessiveness and lust. I pressed another kiss to his lips and rocked back onto the heels of my feet.

            My hand arced through the air and I smushed the cake all over the side of his face. I wrapped my lips around the edge of my teeth and bit down on them and watched Solas closely for a reaction with wide eyes.

            Both of his were closed, his nostrils flared slightly. I took a step back and cleared my throat, how far was his reach again? I couldn't seem to remember the details at that exact moment.

            His hand darted out, quicker than I could track and wrapped around my wrist. I let out a yelp of surprise and leaned away from him but when he tugged I was forced to take several steps forward. I was secure against him. Well, _between_ him and the counter.

            I could _actually_ only see one eye. The other was completely covered in cake. The one eye I could see was open, but it was difficult to gauge his reaction because well it was _just_ one eye and holy shit I think I made him mad.

            In all reality I may have fucked up, and in that moment I wondered if anyone else had ever dared to cover the Dread Wolf himself in confections. From the look currently pointed in my direction my stance was a firm _no._

            A new experience for us all. He had cake on his face, a lot of it and me? Well I had an angry god looming over me and I just couldn't help but bust out laughing. It was a silent laugh that shook my whole body. Bits of cake rained down off of him onto me which only caused my quiet trembling to intensify.

            I squealed in horror when his hand made a pass over my face, smearing a large portion of cake over it. When I breathed—through my mouth because the nose was _completely_ plugged—a few crumbs dropped into my mouth.

            "It really is delicious." I told him with a cheeky grin on my face. He surged forward and pressed a kiss to my lips, taking his time in exploring every inch. A hand gripped my hair close to my scalp and I felt something moist press into my head. I groaned and broke the kiss.

            "Perhaps we should…" his eyes passed over my face and drifted lower, "clean up?"  His words were tangible on my skin and I heard the implied naughty things deep in my bones. I nodded and kissed him again, wrapping my arms around his neck.

            "There are few things I would love more." I said as I pulled back. He smirked and when my arms unlaced from his neck Solas tangled one of his own in mine.

            My free hand searched behind me. There is one idea I _loved_ more than bathing with him.

            Fingers found the sticky delight and they closed around a large portion of it. Before I could second guess myself I flung it at the back of his head. The impact was audible and he froze. My hand was out of his grasp quicker than he could gasp in disbelief and I was halfway to the other exit before he even turned around.

            Solas appeared in front of me, the edges of his eyes rimmed in the liquid silver I identified with using magic.

            He fucking fade stepped.

            "Cheater!" I screamed as I slid to a stop, there was cake in his hand and my eyes went wide. I wasn't going to get to eat a solid piece of it was I? My eyes slammed shut and I threw up a barrier. The sound of the cake bouncing off of it and then splatting onto the ground was music to my ears, " _Ha!_ " I pointed at him and did a little dance.

            " _Ma nuvenin_."

            Chills ran down my spine. I had just willingly entered into a food fight with my lover, who happened to be several thousand years old. I was so screwed.

            I couldn't move quickly enough with the barrier in place, it took concentration to keep it up and it felt like just _standing_ here was cheating on my part so I dropped it and bolted.

            Solas _growled_ when I fled from him and if I thought whatever ran down my spine earlier were chills I had not lived in this very moment before because _that_ was the sound of simultaneous things happening all at once; my panties were absolutely drenched while my stomach dropped about a foot inside of me and my heart went to live in a new neighborhood. I heard great things about the throat.

            Tomen and Emma were standing at the bottom of the stairs as I streaked by. I swiped off two handfuls of cake and shoved it into their hands.

            "He's going to _eat me!_ " I yelled at them as I vanished around the corner. Was I actually instigating a food fight involving my entire household?

            Damn right I was.

            "Amara!" I pounded on her door, "Amara open the door!" The palm of my hand made repetitive contact with the wood and I heard the patter of little feet on the other side. The lock clicked and when it creaked open Amara's jaw dropped. I glanced over my shoulder.

            Both Emma and Tomen had new pieces of ammunition in their hands and were quickly approaching me with gleeful looks on their faces. I was surprised the second time that night, Tomen was participating. Perhaps I had been a tad too harsh with their training, there was a very evil glint in the man's eye.

            Son of a bitch. Solas turned them against me.

            "Traitors!"

            There wasn't any time to get inside of Amara's room and lock the door. They were scant feet away. My only option was to flee and pray we didn't break anything too expensive.

            It was a really good thing that Thedas had no concept of shag carpets. Everything was thick yarn woven together in elaborate patterns. Lucky for me—because I _started_ this shit—Thedas was a practical land that believed in dark colored rugs. It didn't hurt that most of the cake was white either.

            Solas was a _much_ better leader than I was and it quickly became apparent. I should have known that he was an expert at chess because he had me cornered quicker than I could spit. I watched as the three of them—scratch that _four_ because Amara was now equipped with a piece of cake and just _where_ were they getting the ammunition without going back to the kitchen—surrounded me.

            Amara suddenly turned and pelted Solas with her piece of cake. She spun to me and waved me in a random direction while the other three were stunned by her betrayal.

            "Suck it bitches!" She tossed behind her should as we raced through the house. It didn't take them long to get over their surprise and follow us down the maze like corridors. Amara, who was small and easy to miss, hid in the shadows while I led the other three on a merry little chase.

            I don't know how long it was but Amara popped back up by my side with cake spilling from her pockets and large portions were in her hands.

            Our feet carried us like the wind. My little one providing cake to me whenever we ran across the others. Cake was smeared on the walls and I even thought I caught a glimpse of some on the ceiling. Amara held her own, flicking pieces of cake off her fingers at them.

            As we ran through a section of hallways that forked off I got lost. Amara wasn't any better than I and we panted and spun in different directions looking for a good hallway to dart down. One that hopefully led to my rooms where there was a large tub waiting for us.

            Emma came out of nowhere and clotheslined me. I groaned as the world flipped and I ended up on my back. Cake was showered down upon me and I laughed until I couldn't breathe anymore.

            When I sat up I noticed that Amara had pieces of it smeared across her face and on her clothes. She was grinning from ear to ear and there was a smug looking Solas behind her.

            "I fucking love you guys." I mumbled as I fell back. "Who wants cleaning duty?"

            Everyone vanished so quick I would swear they were spirits with the ability to teleport. Everyone, that is, except for Solas.

            Dinner was not going to be ready in an hour.

 

Solas lounged behind me in the hot water. We managed to scrub most of the cake off before getting into the tub using a bucket and a plush looking rag. Neither of us wanted to soak with soggy bits of cake floating in the water. His hands ran lazily up and down my arms.

            "Is that something you did often?" His question was sudden and I twisted to look at him.

            "Food fights?" More than half of my cake was littered around the house. I was debating on being a douche and just leaving it for the servants to clean up. But I wasn't debating it very hard. "Only one other time and it wasn't a fun food fight."

            "What happened?" Solas maneuvered us until I was turned toward him and sprawled across his chest.

            "Jack didn't like my pot pie." I stated simply, "So I got to wear it." Along with several cuts because he chucked the whole pie glass at my head. It hit me hard enough that I had to go to the hospital and get stitches. They had to shave three inches of my hair off to sew it closed.

            "Clarifying question…" Solas pressed his lids together and his nostrils flared in anger, "Jack is dead correct?"

            "God I hope so," I mumbled, "but I highly doubt it. He's like a fucking cockroach. That little shit would survive a nuclear explosion."

            "Nuclear?" Solas' mouth formed oddly around the word, "Is it close to the Qunari gaatlok?"

            I sat up and looked at Solas, the water fell off of me in a sheet, one hand splayed across his chest, "I don't know, what _is_ gaatlok? I know it is an explosive, but is it a liquid, a solid? Does it burn on contact?"

            "From what my agents have been able to gleam it is a powder."

            I nodded, "Thank you, Bull refused to tell me what it looked like. No, nuclear is nothing like gaatlok. And I am so glad you guys don't have it." It was something that wasn't even common during Mass Effect's time. "The destructive capabilities are horrific, millions gone in the blink of an eye. The fallout of a nuclear bomb going off doesn't just last until the end of the explosion either; it leaves the land uninhabitable for generations to come."

            My hands swiped up a cloth and soap; slowly I passed the cloth over Solas' chest. "Have you encountered gaatlok before?" Solas sounded way too interested in it.

            "Are you looking to gain their secret?" I chuckled at his expression, "It is a powerful weapon, especially while the rest of the world needs mages or lyrium to blow things up." He gave me an exasperated look, "To answer your question though… yes. In my first life it was an ingredient in our primary weapon of choice."

            "Do you know how to make it?"

            "No," I shook my head, "all I know is that requires a special form of salt that I also do not know how to make and it would be difficult to explain without science."

            Solas sighed and nodded.

            "Can we circle back to you having agents?" He sighed and his head dropped to have over the edge of the tub. "Because I'm kind of wondering what your long term plan is and where we are going once the Inquisition is over."

            His head lifted and he watched me for a long moment. "We?" It was a simple question but it was a loaded one.

            "Uh…" I hedged and gave a nervous chuckle, "I just assumed—which I shouldn't do for obvious reasons—that when we were done here we would… venture very far away from… the Inquisitor and everyone else."

            "You would go with me? What of Amara?"

            I rested my chin on his chest and searched his face, "I think she didn't like you because I was so adamant about disliking you."

            "You were quite vocal about it." Solas' face pinched into a slight frown.

            "Only because you were being pigheaded and not helping." One of my fingers started to circle his nipple, "Which you stopped doing."

            "If I had not offered my assistance we would not be here?"

            "Oh," I chuckled, "we'd be here, it would just be more explosive with lots of arguing and me breaking things."

            Solas' hands were rough as he pulled me up, our lips clashed together. Water spilled over the side of the tub, splashing against the floor in a rhythm that my heart could dance to. I sighed as he stood with me still in his arms.

            Somehow we found our way to the bed, dripping wet. As soon as I was beneath him he slowed down, his hands exploring every section of my body, leaving a trail for his mouth to follow. I gasped and arched into his touch more times than I could count.

            My body hummed with pleasure. Solas was everywhere. His mouth was getting lower and lower. Teeth nipped at my inner thigh and I fisted a hand only to shove it against my mouth to muffle the scream that was fighting to make its way out.

            Ms. Flame—absolutely mortified that she was interrupting this—showed me the pictures of runes he drew against my clit with his tongue. I panted and writhed in ecstasy as he expertly plucked my strings.

            " _Jutuan ma ir rosas’da’din, ma tel’aman melin_." She whispered the translation into my ear, her voice no longer carried its distinct pitch but sounded almost exactly like me. She was, after all, learning the common tongue from me. " _Mar rodhe ir’on_."

            My fist pushed farther into my face. I didn't need to scream or make noises; once I started there would be no stopping me. I didn't care that people knew we were doing it, but I didn't want them to know _when_ we were doing it.

            A muffled cry escaped past my lips, one of my legs wrapped around his back, not pushing but just relishing the ability to be able to touch him. My stomach was starting to tighten in want, toes curled.

            One of his fingers slid into me and I saw little white dots float across my vision. He was undoing me and piecing me back together with expert precision. Another finger slid into me and I wasn't gently nudged across the cliff, I jumped willingly and with great glee.

            Solas stilled as I cried out his name. My mind floated somewhere above me. I couldn't see, couldn't feel, I just basked in a warm glow and when I was able to move Solas kissed up my hip, along the edge of my side, paused for a moment before he pressed his face into the valley between my breasts.

            "Such a lovely sound," he murmured as he kissed tender flesh. "I wonder, _ma lath_ , if I am able to draw it from you again."

            I shuddered in anticipation under him. I felt the smirk on his lips. He rose until he was eye level with me. Gently he leaned down and I surged forward to capture his lips.

            He did, just so you know. Several times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elvhen Translations:
> 
> Ma nuvenin: As you wish
> 
> Jutuan ma ir rosas’da’din, ma tel’aman melin- I will make you cum so much you won't remember your name
> 
> Mar rodhe ir’on- You taste good


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "My apologies, Lady." Peacock whispered, "I shall endeavor to be more careful around the abdomen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright... this will probably be the only warning because the story took a turn and I was helpless to stop it ya'll. Please go read the last two tags and proceed with caution.

I lounged lazily across the couch in my room. A merry fire crackled and spat hot ash into the air. The screen before it stopped the embers from catching the rug on fire. The heat caressed my skin, drying my hair in the process. Solas lay between my legs, using my breasts for a pillow. One of his arms was wrapped around me, the other dangled over the edge of the couch.

            Solas was asleep and I was thoroughly exhausted myself. Except I had to make dinner. One of the catches about renting this particular house was servants not included. I was totally okay with it, having strangers lurking around the house, tending to my fires, serving me food. It wasn't something that I was fond of, for a multitude of reasons.

            One, I'd grown up poor. Money, while nice, was not something I was used to having and I wanted to share it with the people I loved. Wanted to buy them things. It was an object, a means of comfort, but not necessary for my happiness.

            Two, I was paranoid. I didn't like the idea of someone sneaking a spy into my home and reporting things back to _anyone_. Which is something that the nobles of Val Royeaux would do, Orlais was just that way.

            Three? I didn't approve of a purely elven servant employment. It was disgusting that only elves filled the role of cleaning up after others. It was degrading and I wanted to put an end to it. Elves were treated like shit in this world and I fucking _hated_ it.

            Which meant that I had to get up and go clean the cake off the walls, and the floor and that one spot on the ceiling because I would not make more work for people of my species to clean up. I was not a heathen that believed Elves were a second class citizen just because they had pointed ears and wandered the wilderness.

            Elves used to have their own home if I remembered correctly. They wandered for a long time until they came to the end of their journey. They founded a city, called Halamshiral, which… I _think_ translates into journey's end or something like that? My Elvhen is horrible. That ended when the Chantry initiated a march against them. I'm not sure why but I think it's kind of like the white man forced Native Americans to adopt their religion.

            Conversion in short. They wanted the Elves to convert but why should they? Religion was about belief and you should _never_ force someone to believe in what you believe just because you think it is right.

            I just hoped they realized their errors before it was too late. The Earth I came from was horrendous. In Mass Effect's time they realized their error and banded together as a species, but then they were wary of Aliens. Human hatred didn't vanish; they just pushed it onto a different race _just_ because they were different.

            I hated humans with a passion. Most living breathing two legged sentient beings actually. Individuals were great but a horde of them? They stopped listening to reason and just rolled with the punches. That was how genocide happened.

            People were horrible. And I wasn't going to contribute to the stereo type. So, I just needed to shift slightly, move Solas just a little so I could slide off the couch and get dressed. After cleaning I planned on making dinner.

            I knew exactly what to make, only problem was how to go about _doing_ it. It was going to take me hours.

            Good thing I hardly ever slept anymore.

 

The house was officially clean and my back was murdering me. Slowly I shuffled into the kitchen and laid flat on the counter. The bucket—which had been emptied no less than twelve times—and the rag—the fifth one mind you—were sitting on the floor next to the table. I didn't have the energy to move them, much less the desire to.

            Mops had not yet been invented and brooms were just hay tied together at the end of a stick. Attempting to sweep up the cake had smeared pieces of it deeper into the fibers of the couches and rugs. Fuck Thedas.

            Groaning I rolled onto my side and kicked a leg forward, using the momentum I put a hand on my hip and twisted my shoulders in the opposite direction. A resounding crack echoed through my body. Relief swept through me as my pain began to ease. Never thought I'd end up on hands and knees scrubbing a floor.

            I had a new found respect for servants who did this daily. It was not the life for me but bravo to them for being able to do it day in and day out. They might actually be tougher than I was.

            After several minutes I rolled off the counter and saw that Tomen was sitting on a chair at the table. I didn't know if he was there when I walked in or if he saw me and decided to just stop by and wait for me to get up.

            "Is everything alright?" I asked as I stood, squatting to stretch the muscles in my calves.

            "My wife and son have made it to Skyhold." He held up a letter. "They cannot believe that I am working with the Anointed." His chin tilted down, "Though once they learn what it is actually like they may believe it a little more."

            "I'm not _that_ mean." I shot back, "You are progressing faster than Emma because you already have upper and lower body strength."

            "Oh, is that what your torture is supposed to be doing?" One of his eyebrows rose and he cocked his head, "I thought it was punishment."

            I bit my lip and stifled my laughter, "No, it has a purpose. Tomorrow we will begin fixing your fighting techniques and I will lessen the… crazy stair exercise."

            "I don't want you going easy on us." Tomen stated as he stood. He lifted the bucket and dumped it down the drain for me before pumping more water in and rinsing it out.

            "You want me to give you _more_?" I hazarded. It wasn't normal for soldiers to ask for more training. "That's… impressive. What were you before you became a soldier in the Inquisition?"

            "Knowledge for knowledge?" He asked quietly and I nodded. "I served at Redcliffe. I had been part of the militia there for about a decade. The things I saw and survived." He shuddered. He could only be talking about what happened, how Connor became possessed and sent the dead into the village. "When the sky was torn open I knew I had to come here. For my boy, and my wife."

            "Thank you." My voice was quiet. Holy shit, was Thedas such a small place that everyone was connected in some way to events that happened in the game? What next? Would I meet Shale in her dwarf form?

            "Your turn." He demanded, "Where did you learn to fight?"

            "All over," I nodded. This was a touchy subject but I promised and I would not lie. I'd just… be creative. "I studied with different species, learned their fighting styles and then added my own. It is a hodgepodge style, effective but limiting. Most people fight with a blade in their hand or a staff. But I prefer hand to hand, it's easier for me."

            "Dangerous." Tomen commented, "You'll teach us to fight like you?"

            "Oh yes," I gave him a wicked grin. "When I'm finished with you two, you won't need a weapon to be dangerous."

            Tomen slid a cup of something vile smelling in my direction. "Get some rest, Luna. It's been a long few days." I glared at it as he walked out the door. Vivienne's tea. Would I never be rid of it? And _how_ did she get my people to keep feeding it to me?!

            "Yes," I giggled deciding to ignore the offensive cup, "Tomen!" I hopped once before jogging after him. "You still have cake in your hair."

            He grumbled something about crazy elves before he marched up the stairs. Sighing I spun toward the study to grab my cloak. It was shopping time.

            I breezed out the door. Most of my house was asleep. I knew Amara was, I told her the tale of Snow White, stopping when the Queen gave the Princess a poisoned apple because Amara was off in dream land. Emma had passed out in the parlor and Tomen was headed for another bath.

            My hood covered my ears causing people to mistake me for a young human. I picked up tomatoes and meat and the closest thing to potatoes. Fresh druffalo, hopefully it was close to bison from Earth which tasted a fuck of a lot like cow. Smiling I dropped the silver into the palm of the man behind the stall. The cheese was difficult but after paying two silver to sample each one I found the closest and called it good.

            The basket I carried with me was heavy and I was excited. I knew it would take a bit to make what I wanted. We'd probably end up eating it for breakfast instead of dinner.

            Feet, swift and loud, carried someone toward me. Spinning I dropped the basket and fell into a loose stance. The elf ran right past me, wearing the livery of a noble house. I laughed at myself for my paranoia right before the world went black.

 

I woke groggily. The room refused to sit still and there was a burning pain in my shoulders and wrists. There was a steady _drip drip_ somewhere and when I finally realized that it was not the room that spun but me I settled a little. The dripping was going to drive me insane.

            Someone had the nerve to string me up like a hog to be butchered. I didn't know if I was pissed or impressed.

            If I was honest with myself it was a little of both. More angry than impressed though.

            Steadily I worked my jaw. Someone had been upset with me. The muscles felt tight and sore, like they'd repetitively hit me with something. Had I been worked over?

            And then I remembered. They were assassins from the House of Repose. I'd never heard of them in my _fucking_ life but they said they were hired to extract information from me before delivering me—like I was a GD package—to a dead drop where the contract holder would then take possession of me. I had a few problems with this, and had expressed them. 

            Thedas was going bonkers.

            Someone walked into the room. As per usual—in Val Royeaux fashion—they wore a mask that covered everything from their nose up.

            "You have a very ugly mouth." I called out, "Sure you don't want one of those full masks? Maybe then the women will take a fancy to you. Get a little lion main attached-" he shut me up with a backhand across my face.

            "Oh yeah, that's the stuff." The split on my upper lip broke open and the metallic taste of blood filled my mouth. I worked all of the blood to the front and when he came back into my line of sight I spat it at him. "Men then? I can understand, after all I fancy men myself. Rippling muscle-" I let out a grunt of pain as he sunk his fist into my chest, it felt like something broke. My breath slammed out of me and it was a long moment before I could suck in a lung full. I coughed several times before I could wheeze with any sort of ease. "Am I going to do all the talking because I can totally get behind-"

            The man walked forward with a knife and pressed it against my throat.

            "Fergus." Someone called from the doorway, "That is no way to treat a guest of the House of Repose."

            I smiled at him, sure that my teeth were tainted pink with my blood. "A guest am I?" I snorted and shoved Fergus away from me with my feet. "Why don't you let me down then and we can have a civilized conversation over a cup of coffee?"

            "That we could, I'm sure Paul would disagree with that assessment however." The man pulled a chair to the center of the room. Fergus picked up a table and set it next to the chair before he vacated the room. The man sat in the chair.

            "How is Paul?" I gave him a feral grin and kicked with my legs to keep him in my vision. "Did he have a nice funeral?"

            I couldn't tell if the man was giving me a dry look or an eat shit and die look. The mask, it fucked up all sorts of things, including the ability to be menacing. No one was going to take you serious when there were swan wings coming off of the side. Seriously all I could think of was Odette. Oh! Another story to tell Amara.

            "It was a small affair," the man nodded while he crossed his legs at the knee. Fergus entered the room again and a tray was set down on the table. The tray contained several cookies—looked like short bread cookies—and two tea cups along with a pot that I assumed had tea in it. "Tasteful, thank you for inquiring after Paul. However it is not the reason you are a guest in my home."

            Ah were we getting to the heart of the matter?

            "Our employer has been lead to believe you have certain… abilities that may be of use to him if you amenable to the idea." Yup, it was tea. The man—Peacock?—poured him a cup before nibbling on the edge of a cookie. "I hold no delusions; a woman with your spirit does not work for anyone. Despite that knowledge the gentleman in me requires that I make the offer, especially to a woman in your situation. Would you be willing to work for my employer?"

            "Go fuck yourself." I snapped with little elegance.

            "Yes," Peacock sipped his tea, "I was hoping for a different outcome, for your sake. Such lovely skin." He stood and set his tea cup back on its saucer. "Fergus? Be a dear and fetch the box." Sadness swept through his gaze before he shook it off, "I am sorry Miss, but there is some intelligence I need from you. Again, I believe you will not, but would you be willing to answer a few harmless questions?"

            I spat a globule of blood at the man. It landed on the toe of his right shoe and he let out a _tsk_ -ing noise.

            "Very well, just remember I gave you the opportunity." A smile graced his face, "This is one of my favorite pass times, I'm so glad you chose this."

            A shiver ran up my spine and I wondered how long I'd been here and if I'd been missed already. I wasn't even sure I was still in Val Royeaux; I just knew that I was in Orlais. I'd never been tortured before. No one had any reason to pay attention to me before Thedas. I was really beginning to hate this place. Well… no I wasn't but still this was the place where the most fucked up shit had happened to me.

            Ms. Flame lifted her head and started to whisper into my ear. She'd spent a lot of time quietly lurking in the background and picking up a lot of my habits and mannerisms, including my penchant for cussing and the language itself.

            **_Give me control_** , her whisper was seductive. **_I will kill them all for you_. **

            "Yeah," I snorted, "and then take over my body and walk out over their corpses."

            Peacock gave me a strange look. His eyes darted around the room looking for anyone I might have been talking too. I gave him another smile and threw up a barrier.

            "Besides, he has to reach me to torture me."

            His hand ran over the surface and he muttered, "Fascinating."

            "Hey, quick question…" I flipped my hair out of my face and looked him dead in the eye, "Have you ever held a juiced up mage?"

            "Is that what you are?" He gave me a smile, "I assure you there are wards that prevent anyone from twisting the fade."

            "So how am I putting up the barrier?" I asked and I saw when it dawned on his face. "Let me say it again… _fuck you buddy_."

            "Fergus!" Peacock shouted. Fergus busted into the room, a dart held in his hand. I glared between the two of them. I'd seen that dart before. It was what knocked me out when they worked me over before. Peacock hadn't been a part of it then. "Please send her to sleep."

            I focused on the barrier but several other men ran into the room with large hammers. They'd been through this once before. "Fuck." I growled right as the first hammer hit my barrier. I felt it weaken and tried to reinforce it but the hammers fell one after another. It wasn't long before it fell and Fergus darted me.

 

My mouth tasted absolutely foul, but this time when I woke up I was completely aware of my situation. Something had changed though. I lifted my head and looked around. They had moved me from the room I had been, and instead of hanging from the ceiling I was strapped to a table. This was… potentially worse.

            Before I had the ability to move, regardless of how limited it was. If they'd left me alone I could have escaped one way or another. Now? Now I was all but fucked because they figured out how to take the barrier down, even if it took them a considerable amount of time and I wasn't able to move.

            Fear settled into my belly and I wondered what I was in for. I had no idea how I'd do under torture. I had endured a lot in my life, physical/mental/sexual abuse at the hands of someone meant to protect me, laser burns, the prospect of genocide, bruises and broken bones. Cuts that needed stiches and fucking mage healing.

            But torture? This was a whole new ball game and I didn't know the rules. I felt like I'd been thrown out at the last minute without even a bat to play with.

            Peacock entered the room and he was wearing simpler clothes that held dark stains. Logically I knew this was a scare tactic but it didn't matter, it was working. How many people had broken under his skilled touch?

            Oh boy I was fucked. A piece of me receded where nothing could touch it and I felt myself go a little dead on the inside.

            I licked my lips and regarded him evenly despite what I was feeling inside. Someone somewhere had once said that if you broke the silence first you automatically lost. I would hold my silence as long as I was able.

            Ms. Flame reared her ugly head again and started to whisper to me. I shut her out the best I could, but her incessant whispering was starting to get to me. I didn't like these Repose people, what if they did die?

            Peacock lifted up a knife but set it down. He did this several times. I didn't know if I wanted to watch him or the ceiling but damn I couldn't look away. Finally he picked up a knife that had a little hook on the end.

            "The pain is exquisite." His voice was soft, not carrying beyond the two of us. "Many that have lain under my tutelage crave pain and the pleasure it can bring." He walked slowly toward me, every step he took resounded inside of my very bones. I refused to shudder in fear. I could _not_ let him see any hint of weakness.

            The sound of cloth ripping reached my ears and the tip of the blade cut a long path down my stomach. The laceration was not deep and it took a moment for the pain to register.

            "My apologies, Lady." Peacock whispered, "I shall endeavor to be more careful around the abdomen."

            It was wickedly sharp. A ragged breath escaped me but that's all I let out. Slowly, methodically he removed my clothing until I was bear upon the stone slab. The straps that held me down were made of soft supple leather, a kindness I didn't expect from this man. Why I was thinking about that I didn't know.

            There was a pressure on my right side, at the curve of my ribs. Agony followed shortly after followed by warmth trickling down my skin. Again the pain visited and I struggled to see what he was doing.

            "Do you know what this knife is?" He whispered as he leaned down. I could smell fish on his breath, it was fresh and it made me want to puke. "Hmm?" The blade made another incision, followed by another. I pressed my lips tight together in a blatant refusal of speaking. "Very well I shall tell you. One of my more… well used tools." He ran the flat of the blade down my side. It was so very cold.

            He leaned over me again, forcing me to meet his gaze. His eyes were devoid of any human empathy. He was a fucking sociopath. Peacock didn't see _me_ he saw a bag of flesh. Panic sliced through me.

            Peacock reminded me of Jack. And just like that I felt Emily crawling up from the shadows of my soul. She sniveled and wanted to speak out but I refused her, just as I refused Ms. Flame who whispered sweet words of ending it all before it even began.

            _Fuck it_. I hissed at the warring parts of me, _Who is down for a new experience?_

            "This particular blade is used for skinning." His words broke across my face and I felt my stomach drop. Pure white hot agony followed seconds behind accompanied by the sickening sound of skin being rendered from flesh.

            I screamed. Not once, but twice as he ripped a second strip of flesh from my body.

            "Yes!" He screamed along with me, "Such a magnificent sound. I want to hear it again!"

 

I floated. When I wasn't in pain I was happy. I had absolutely no idea how long I'd been down here but I fared better than I ever hoped to. Peacock man turned into Omar. He shared his name with me after he ripped the nails off my right hand. It was a reward for enduring in silence.

            Every time I surprised him he revealed another fact about himself. I surprised him three times. Once when he sliced the tip of my ear off, with that one I got the name of his first victim. Faith. The other time was when he peeled a strip from my face, just under my eye. That one had earned me his favorite food, lobster.

            He was delusional, thinking he was invincible. My biotics were erratic, without being able to move a limb to direct the direction of throw or singularity I was limited to shockwave which only erupted from the area surrounding my feet.

            Omar became very careful to never walk in that direction. Not after I bodily slammed him into the ceiling and then threw another one that slammed him into the wall. The rebound on this guy was _fantastic_ though. He let out a please moan and rushed back to my side, intent on continuing.

            "Shall we explore your gender now?" He said it with such relish that I wept and begged him not to. "Oh, no…. shhh shhh _amour_ , you will enjoy this one."

            No, I wouldn't.

            **_All this can be_** over **_if you just surrender to me._** Ms. Flame whispered. I felt her caress the inside of my mind, **_I will let you watch as I slowly tear this man to shreds, and you will feel no more pain. It will be bliss, unending and eternal._**

            "Won't." I bit out and shook my head. "Won't give in."  

 

Omar asked me question.

            What was I?

            Where did I come from?

            How could I do the things I did?

            But the one he asked the most was if I would work for his employer.

            With every question I managed to bite out a _no_ and resolved myself to more pain. I _would not_ be the reason for anyone falling prey to the horrors of a futuristic world. Why my morality decided to take a stand I have not a fucking clue, but I refused to budge an inch.

            Maybe it was pure stubbornness and pride. It wouldn't be the first time but it might be my last.

            Little by little I could feel the edges of my sanity crumbling.

            It wasn't long before we moved onto water sports. The slab of rock? Oh yeah it moved, moved just enough that my head could be submerged into a built in pool of water. Omar was not fond of this technique but his 'employer' was demanding results. Omar was being rushed and he did not like being rushed.

            Guess who got the brunt of the anger? That's right, Luna did.

 

 ** _Luna_** , she whispered again to me, her voice a silken promise. **_Oh sweet Luna, how much you've endured._**

            I wept openly. Every inch of me hurt. Fergus came in twice to dart me and when I woke up I was on my back. I screamed openly and freely, holding nothing back. If I screamed sometimes he thought he inflected more damage than he thought he had. Or… that's what I hoped he thought.

            It wasn't long before he brought out a whip that was more chain with little spiked balls at the end than actual _leather_.

            My back was a raw bloody mess and when he was finished he forced me to roll over, of course I had been darted again by Fergus.

            Omar was always careful about how much he did and when. He held me on the cusp, always feeling pain but never too much that I lost consciousness. And when he did slip up he would sit in the corner sipping his tea and eating his shortbread cookies while mages worked to pull me back from death. There was one mage in particular he listened to, a loud mouthed female who he called a doula. Probably Orlesian for evil cunt.

            I was never alone, not anymore.

            _Where are you guys?_ It was a plea that I'd whispered in the deepest recesses of my mind. At first I had been steadfast in my belief that Solas would find me. But with each passing hour, or day or week or month I lost hope.

            I had no idea how long I'd been down here.

            It all built up until I couldn't take it anymore. I just wanted oblivion and the sweet bliss of detachment.

             "Okay." I whispered, tears gathering at the corners of my eyes. I prayed they didn't fall because crying only caused more pain when the salt hit the open wounds. "I surrender, you win."

            Omar let out a gleeful noise and clapped several time.

            **_Relax, little moon. I will take it from here._**

            Darkness screamed my name and I succumbed to it, allowing it to wash over me and cleanse me of any residual emotion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fear not, the second chapter is going to go up tonight once I am satisfied with it. Won't leave you on that kind of cliffhanger. It's just RUDE lol


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry you guys, this was supposed to go up last night! However life rarely goes as planned. Happy weekend!

The darkness was complete and I basked in the shameless freedom from pain and burden and every other overbearing emotion. It was an endless sea mad of eternal night. My only source of light was two pin pricks in the distance. Two tiny motes of dust floating though an inky sky.

            **_How do you use them?!_**

            I felt my head twist as I looked for the source of the noise. "Hello?" I called into the void. As a child I had been afraid of the dark. Then I grew up and learned that monsters lurked inside of humanity. I was no longer afraid of the dark, but of what lurked in the shadows that the night provided. There was no one else in here with me, but still the voice belayed that notion and a little fear started to eat away at my stomach.

            **_Little moon! Your abilities! How do I activate them?_**

            What? Why…

            And then I remembered. I'd been monumentally stupid and gave the reigns of my body over to crazy elf bitch that wasn't even _whole_ anymore.

            "Fucking shit on a god damned stick!" I screamed, "Give me back my body you lying whore!" The abyss was no longer soothing. I knew now what it was. It was a cage, a prison. One of my own making because I willing walked into it. And now, I wanted out.

            **_Your abilities!_** She demanded again.

            I yanked viciously and suddenly I could see through my eyes. However I was not able to control my limbs. Ms. Flame had somehow managed to get us free from the table.

            **_Why is my magic not working?! What did you do?!_**

            I laughed and threw my arms wide in my imaginary space, "It wasn't me bitch! They have wards to prevent spell casting! You're worse off than I was." My laughter turned into a quiet chuckle.

            Omar twirled a blade expertly, I watched as Ms. Flame attempted to dodge out of the way, but our legs crumpled.

            "You aren't making it out of here." I whispered, "Now that you've got me free give my body back, I can walk us out the front door." I hovered waiting.

            **_No!_** She snarled, **_You do not deserve this life! It was to be for me!_**

            "Well… then enjoy the torture." I turned my back and looked back into the void. I could hide out here until-

            "Amara." Her name was all I needed. It was pulled from my throat with a ragged sound. I couldn't _not_ come back to her. It would ruin all my hard work showing her that good things didn't have to disappear. Besides…. That was my kid and I would fucking burn in the seven levels of hell for eternity before I allowed this crazy bitch access to her.

            I spun back and wrenched her sideways. She screamed in pain. I didn't know if it was from me or from Omar but I was getting my body back. I snarled and it turned into a deep growl and I shoved and pushed my way back in. She was not strong enough to take my body; I had to willingly give it up.

            And I was tired of her. I was so tired of her constant hounding, the lurking in the background. I wanted it to just be _me_.

            Something unusual happened. Or, I was more aware of it happening. Our consciousness's passed each other. I could see the room through my eyes as well as the appearance her soul took. Her hair was long, flowing with the appearance of silk. Her eyes were unending pits of blackness. Red lightning crackled over the surface of her skin, though it pulsated with a vibrant fade green. There was not a shred of cloth on her.

            There was madness in her gaze, something that I had not attributed to the way she behaved. Ms. Flame sized me up, a sneer written across her haunted face. **_You are beneath me, with your crippled body. You have destroyed_** everything **_little moon!_**

            "Hey bitch, I didn't ask for you!" I snarled right back at her. I prowled forward. My spirit seemed to be unhindered by the physical damage that had been done to my body. Was that an indicator that I had not broken the way that I thought?

            We clashed in the strange space. The moment hung suspended for what felt like eternity. Time did not hold sway here; it was a yawning endless chasm of nothingness. Pain wasn't a conceivable concept. Just the glowing beams of light our souls emitted as we twined 'round each other and the small pieces that fell from our forms.

            They fell from us, like rain from a sky. Like stones dropping into a river they emitted tiny ripples, sending out a cascade of shimmering lights that glowed like Christmas. It wasn't just red and green; it was orange and blue, mixed with hues of lavender and amber.  

             With each one that ripped free from our forms there was a sound, a pure note that sang with the clarity of a ringing bell. It was only interrupted by the wild sounds that erupted from our throats. Slowly, methodically we shredded each other.

            She vanished before I did. Each piece that was torn from her by my hands was equal to five of the ones she took from me. The scream she emitted was full of fear and panic. It rounded her eyes and made her desperate. This continued until I could see through her, and then between one breath and the next she vanished.

            My mind made its way back into the driver seat. It was quiet inside my skull for the first time in what felt like forever.

 

Omar froze when I flipped my bloody hair over my shoulder. Blood was smeared over the walls and there was a knife buried deep in my thigh.

            "You better fucking hope this was sterile." I muttered through clenched teeth. A tortured scream ripped through my throat as I pulled the blade free. It was serrated. When it was out of my body I flipped the blade so I wasn't holding the handle anymore. "Otherwise I will come back and piss on your grave."

            "Fergus!" Omar screamed. His voice was a little hoarse. "Andraste's ass, FERGUS!" There was a little bit of sweat that beaded on his brow.

            "Looks like your little flunky is busy."

            Somehow I managed to prop myself up on the wall and the glare I leveled at him had him looking for a way out. The skin on my back was tight but it didn't feel raw anymore.

            "You _evil little shit bag, you **raped** me._ " Tears clogged my eyes and I didn't give a fuck that my voice trembled. "I will tear you to shreds and force feed you bits of yourself."

            I hit him with stasis, one of my lesser used powers. I saw the panic edging in on his vision. His eyes rolled until I saw the whites with bitter clarity. Omar screamed, but it was muffled because he couldn't open his mouth. I gave him a sardonic smile and clicked my tongue at him.

            "Oh, don't worry," I whispered softly to him, "you'll enjoy this."

            With little thought I threw singularity at the door. Anything that came through there was getting a nasty surprise.

            "You really shouldn't have let her off the table." I shook my head, "Like… stupid to the nth degree."

            I hit him with my biotic field and struggled to lift him. It was pointless, he couldn't be moved right now. Loss of blood was causing little black dots to float across my vision and apparently it was affecting my reasoning skills.

            "You are denser than you look." I shrugged. "No matter. I just need you on your back." I waited several moments for the flickering of my biotic field, the tell-tale sign that stasis was going to fail.

            The blade clattered to the floor as I used both hands to hit him simultaneously with throw and pull. He ricocheted off the walls, a muffled scream followed by the crunch of bone.

            "Since you won't be leaving here." I hobbled over to him, leaning heavily on the table, "Allow me to fill you in on what I am. I'm hoping that my honesty will spark something inside of you. You see… I have my own question. It is just one, who is your employer?"

            Blood smeared under my palm as I rounded the table. "I'll be nice and tell you first, and then it is your turn. If I don't like your answer, and you only get one, I'm going to make you eat your left nut. After you've finished your morsel I'm going to kill you."

            His legs were at skewed angles. He wasn't going anywhere any time soon. As soon as he was able he shook his head at me, "Mercy." Omar made a weak attempt to crawl around the side of the stone slab that had been my home for longer than I wanted. Anger welled up in me. How _dare_ he ask for that after what he put me through?

            "Sorry, all out of mercy*." I hit him with reave, red chain looking objects spun into existence and I breathed a sigh of relief at the first tingle of his energy flowing into mine. Honestly I hated reave, almost as much as I hated stasis, but it was a necessary evil. Spending time with Samara's daughter to _get_ it had been unnerving. I knew she'd be on Omega; it was just a matter of _surviving_ her. "The next time-" I tossed singularity at the door again, "-you ask for mercy I'll carve out a piece of your liver and fry that up for you. You do like liver, right?"

            The chains still swirled around him and he let out a scream. Reave had this nasty knack of flaying the nerve endings, or mimicking the pain of that happening. There was no physical damage, just the process of transferring life force from one to another. It was a sip of life and vitality I needed at the moment.

            His hands dug into pockets and when they came out he clutched a vial of red fluid in his hands. I shifted, wincing when several wounds opened up, and watched as he tipped the vial over his lips. The look on his face when the potion didn't take effect was _priceless_.

            "Now…" I gave him a feral grin, "I'm a traveler of the realms, and with everyone I visit I get a new ability. This one is from the future, it is called biotics. Painful no? I'm like a surgeon with them, and once I'm done I'm going to rip through your house and decimate the House of Repose." I waited for him to speak.

            "Oh Omar, I'm so glad you chose this route because I'll be honest, I don't think I could have given you a clean death." The tips of my fingers found the handle of a knife. I didn't know its proper purpose but it was pointy and I was going to-

            I fell onto him, knife first. He screamed as I twisted it in his groin. My other hand wandered up to search his pockets. He had more vials of elfroot on his person. I slipped two vials into my hand and slammed them back like they were shots. More relief coursed through me and I returned my attention to Omar.

            "Thank god." I whispered as I pulled his pants down. "Your left testicle is still intact." I covered my mouth with a hand and nodded, "You still get to eat it." He shook his head at me again though he didn't dare utter mercy. "Aren't you so glad?"

            I sliced off his dick. He screamed and thrashed under me. I slapped him with stasis once more. I actually _hated_ stasis. Felt like it was fucking stupid because you couldn't _harm them_ while they were inside of it.

            It, however, was useful in this situation because it allowed me to stand without fighting him.

            Something collided with the door behind me. I barely spared a glance for it. Even if they did get through the door my singularity would sweep them off their feet, and then I'd get to play with them too.

            "Your friends won't be crashing our party." I nodded at him. It hurt to nod but I was posturing, Solas would be so fucking proud, "You see, I'm stingy. I don't like to share my toys, not like you do."

            I tossed his severed penis onto the table. "Now that I think about it, my wolf will probably love to eat your dick as a snack." I shot him a look, "Unless you want to eat it too?" The stasis still held him firm, "That is so kind of you to offer that to her, thank you. I'll make sure she knows about your generosity."

            Gypsy would _not_ be eating this man's dick, not after the places he put the thing. I just cut it off in case I failed in killing him. He wouldn't be able to rape anyone else. I didn't think she'd even be tempted, but _men_ were so _sensitive_ about their testicles and their manhood. Over whose was bigger and better, who's brought more pleasure to women.

            I scrunched my nose, "You know, I know I said I was only giving you one chance to answer but I just got the _best_ fucking idea." I nodded excitedly, or as excitedly as I could with my given circumstances, "If you don't answer this time I make you eat your left testicle and _then_ I hand you over to the Inquisition forces. Have you heard of Leliana?"

            From the slight widening of his eyes he had. "Oh, wonderful. I'm sure she would simply jump at the chance to learn some of your techniques and be grateful to you for eternity. She'd even go so far as to demonstrate her new abilities on _you_."

            When the stasis wore off he hocked a lugy at me.

            "You nasty some bitch." I nodded at him, "Alright," I walked around the table—hobbled mind you—until I was at his head. His eyes were wide as he watched me. Did I break his arms too? Is that why he wasn't moving? Shame.

            I fell on him with my elbow pointed at his face. We both screamed as I made contact. When he didn't go under I slammed my uninjured fist against his temple twice. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and I set to work. There was no amount of pain that was going to stop me.

            How many others had suffered under him? Omar was going to be ended today.

 

It was a good twenty minutes before he woke up. "Oh good!" I chirped as I held his testicle in his line of sight, "I was worried I gave you a concussion. That's where I make your brain swell and it causes all sorts of fucked up things. Memory loss, confusion, it can also mess with your balance and coordination. All things I know you'll miss." I bounced his testicle in my hand.

            "So are we chewing it or just swallowing?" I looked at it, "Did you know that the left testicle actually produces most of your sperm? Not that it is something you need to worry about, not with your dick gone." I stepped on his crotch and he screamed. "There it is."

            I grunted in pain as I dropped down to straddle his chest.

            "Please-" Omar didn't get to finish his statement because I hit his head with throw. His head bounced back into the stone floor and he fell unconscious again. Loud sounds floated to my ears from the hallway. That was going to be fun… _not_.

            "Damn it." I snarled as I leaned back and waited. Every inch of me hurt and my mind screamed at me. I knew exactly what it wanted, rest. Omar here had been very sure that I got a limited amount of sleep.

            It took him longer to come around this time. The people that were at the door left after they couldn't get it open. Singularity still swirled in a lazy circle.

            Once he made a groaning noise and his head shifted I forced his mouth open and shoved the nasty thing from his testicle onto his tongue. He let out a scream but I slammed his mouth shut and pinched his nose.

            "If you don't want to die right now, I suggest you fucking swallow." I growled as I forced eye contact. "You fucked with the absolute wrong woman and I don't think you realize it yet. But you will. I promise you that."

            He didn't swallow for a long time, we were edging into two minutes and his eyes were bulging when I saw his throat constrict.

            I released his nose.

            "Right," I stood, "you stay here Omar, you will be a guest in _my_ house. I will be back shortly."

            I forced my body to walk, to push past the pain. Each step was agony but I was going on a cleaning spree. As far as I was concerned it wasn't winter but spring.

            My hands came together and I ripped my singularity to shreds. I threw open the door and walked down the hallway. It took a moment for me to register but everything was a disaster. There were holes in the walls and doors had been ripped off their hinges.

            Bodies lined the floors in both directions and relief flooded me. I wasn't _actually_ going to have to walk the floors and kill people. I didn't think I was up to it; despite the strength reave gave me.

            I shambled over to one and looked down. This one died from a knife to the gut, another died from an ice shard.

            Was magic allowed in the halls but not the rooms?

            Another had a throat ripped out. Several of them did, or crushed skulls. I recognized this bite mark. Using my good shoulder I slid down to the floor. Was the body still warm? I really didn't want to touch him but I forced myself to. The dead man wasn't even slightly chilled by my standards.

            A low rumbling growl emanated from behind me and I looked over my shoulder. Gypsy was in the doorway to my personal hell.

            "Gypsy." I called out, throat constricting with the sheer joy of seeing her.

            The growling stopped and her head lifted. She turned to look at me, her hackles still up. When she saw me she let out a whine and slowly padded over to me. The click of her nails on the stone was sublime.

            Her tongue ran over every inch of the uninjured portion of my face. My hand that still had nails sank into her fur and I tugged.

            "Down." I whispered, "Gypsy down."

            She lay down before me and I almost wept. I was going to have to take a bath in alcohol because of this but I wasn't going to have to walk. My leg slid easily over her back and once I was secure I gave her another order.

            Gypsy stood and with gentle tugs of her fur I moved her into the room.

            "Drag him Gypsy."

            Omar let out a scream of terror as Gypsy approached him. I understood why. I don't know how long I'd been down here, but Gypsy grew at least a foot in my absence. She was formidable and massive.

            My beautiful wolf let out another growl before her powerful jaws clamped around his leg. Omar let out another scream before he passed out.

            "Thank fuck."

            "Luna?" I jumped at the name, causing Gypsy to spin harshly. I gripped her hair tightly and she rumbled at the new comer. "Easy girl."

            Tomen held up his hands and I patted the side of her neck, "Down girl."

            "What did they-" he broke off and shook his head. He couldn't meet my gaze. I watched him very closely as his hands fumbled with the clasp to his cloak. Tomen approached me like I was a cornered wild animal. I never thought he was stupid.

            We watched each other watching the other with baited breath. When all he did was gently cover me with his cloak air slid raggedly out from between parted lips and I sagged against Gypsy.

            "I just want to go home." I whispered.

            "I'm sorry we weren't here sooner."

            "Don't." I stated briskly, "Just… don't."

            "Yes ma'am." His gaze finally met mine and he sucked in a sudden breath of air, "Your eyes…"

            "I know," I whispered. I closed said eyes and turned my face into the black silk beneath me. Gypsy started to walk forward, Omar gripped tightly in her jaws. I _finally_ felt safe and my lids drooped. This time when the blackness swallowed me there was no second voice waiting for me.

            I think I hurt her feelings.

 

There was no gentle guide to wakefulness. It was a screaming train and I was the one screaming. People were touching me, passing their hands over me. I threw up barrier and everyone touching me stopped. I couldn't see anything, my vision black. My voice would have reached the rafters of a Chantry, but I wasn't in a holy place.

            I kept waiting for the whispering of Ms. Flame, for her to tell me that she'd end our suffering if I only gave her a chance. It never came.

            The screaming finally faded and I realized that my throat was ragged and raw. I'd lost my voice because of it. My arms were secure and I was waiting for the fall of the hammer. When one voice penetrated the fear that encompassed my existence.

            "Will she be alright?" It was small and it was tiny, it was afraid and it was hopeful. After that voice all of them started to make sense.

            "Amara," I wept at his voice and pulled on my soft restraints. Was all of this a lie? "You should not be here."

            "Come," another voice, "we shall fetch a nice Antivan Brandy for your mother, it will lift her spirits."

            "Solas?" I croaked hopefully, wanting nothing more than to drop my barrier. The idea was insane, letting someone through was laughable after what happened, but if there was a chance-

            " _Vhenan_." Tears welled up in my eyes only to soak into something that covered them, "I cannot get close to you as you are, you must drop your shield."

            It flickered for a second and I turned my head in the direction that he was. A memory flashed in front of my eyes and I pulled upon a foreign power inside of me. Through the black that was my vision I caught a glimpse of acid green, spiked with azure. That alone told me it was Solas.

            _Thank you_ , I whispered to Ms. Flame. She did not respond and I wondered how long it was going to be before she recovered from our fight.

            My barrier dropped and Solas rushed to me, the soft sounds of bare feet against marble heralding his approach.

            His touch was gentle and I pressed against it, seeking comfort. Every inch of me still hurt and I cried out when one of my wounds opened up again, warm liquid seeping down my side.

            "Be still, my heart." Solas whispered, "There is only so much we can do at a time."

            "I need-" I coughed, my throat agitated.

            "I know, my love." Solas' voice was a balm against my frayed nerves, "We are drawing you a bath, we need to cleanse your wounds before we can attempt to heal them."

            I shook my head, "Not that." The memory of Omar and the others touching me washed up and over me, "I need a potion, to stop pregnancy."

            Solas' sudden intake of breath followed by his deathly silence cause a crippling anxiety attack to overwhelm me. My barrier shot back into place and I screamed in panic. He was mad, I let them and he was mad at me. I fail, _I failed!_

            The bonds that held me melted away from my skin, leaving no trace behind. It was almost like time sped up around them and rotted away the fabric.

            Before anyone was aware I ripped the bandages from my eyes and shot across the table to hide behind the curtains.

            A keening wail floated to my ears followed by the sounded of a door slamming. It took me a moment to realize that the wail was coming from my throat.

            Vivienne edged into my line of sight. How had the mage gotten here? "Don't let small men like him ruin you Anointed." She demanded, "You survived, and he will not. Take strength from that."

            "I… I want to see." I demanded suddenly, my mood shifting like the wind. A hand pressed to my left eye. Pain shot through it and I whined. "I want to see what he _did_!" I snarled and darted past Vivienne.

            We were in my room, in the house we rented. The bathroom was just through here and—I drop kicked the door open. There was a large floor to ceiling mirror directly across from me. I sucked in a breath.

            They must have just got me here. My hair was matted with blood, and it was a sickening color. How dried blood looked, it was made less attractive by the clumps of gore that clung in it. The gore was bits of _me_ and _that_ alone made it infinitely worse. I forced myself to look past the hair.

            Under my right eye there was a strip of flesh missing, it was scabbed over and as wide as my thumb. It stretched from the edge of my nose to the corner of my eye. Half of my face was mottled in bruises. What stole my breath was my _left_ eye. It was **gold**. No longer did my eyes match. Blue and gold. I let out a laugh.

            Had they scooped out my eye? I think I would have remembered _that_.

            I felt the panic edging back into existence so I moved past the eyes. I would revisit it later when sanity was assured. Turning my head I saw that my left ear had been cropped, and the nails were just starting to grow back on my left hand. On my right side I was missing not two, but _five_ strips of flesh, they were much smaller than I thought they had been. They dropped no lower than the edge of my rib cage. It looked like I was wearing a twisted striped shirt. Each piece was methodically the same. Omar was nothing if not meticulous in his technique.

            My breath caught again as my gaze drifted to my stomach. There was a scab that started in between my breasts and traveled down to just below my belly button.

            I slapped a hand over my mouth and dropped to the ground. Vivienne stood behind me, silent but offering comfort the only way she knew how, through sheer strength.


	34. Ignorance was Bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I came to apologize." His voice was soft and I spun to look at him fully.
> 
> "There is nothing to apologize for." I told him. I waited and when he started turning away from me I blurted out, "You."
> 
> Solas paused and looked back at me, confusion in his gaze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holidays are crazy! Sorry for my absence. I left the last chapter in kind of a cruddy place and I'm here to fix it!

My road to recovery was long, both physically and mentally. Zevran had come down, along with Fenris, to assist in searching for me. I'd been informed that Hawke also wished to join us but had other business to attend to. She and the Inquisitor would be traveling to a place called Crestwood in search of Hawke's contact within in the Gray Wardens.

            Vivienne had volunteered to help search for me, she was the primary one to attend to my wounds through her own strong handed insistence. I didn't understand why at the time, Solas was the more experienced healer, his connection to the fade and Spirits provided a certain knowledge that had been lost to the ages. It didn't take me long to understand _why_ Vivienne had been so determined to heal me herself.

            I'd been held captive for little over two weeks. The damage that had been inflected to me was strictly surface damage, Zevran called me lucky that Omar had been so gentle. I gave him a strange look when he told me until he explained that I'd been there two weeks and it was _only_ surface damage. Most people were opened up and their innards played with. I shuddered at the thought, grateful that had not happened to me.

            My pain didn't end just because I was out of the dungeon, though this pain was familiar and _welcomed_ because it was necessary for me to get better. Slowly Vivienne healed the different hurts, while Solas loomed in the back, his eyes frequently darting over my body and up to my eyes as if to assure himself I was still there. Often his hands shook but if it was with rage or despair I didn't know and didn't want to know.  

            Vivienne did all she could, often pushing herself to a mana burn. She did extensive work to my face, assuring me that the scar would not be prominent. When she went about trying to fix the wounds on my torso I made her seal the wound until a scar formed. It took some effort on my part, gritting through the pain, but it was easy to make her stop when she nearly dropped from the exertion of healing _everything_. This forced Solas to go in search of lyrium. I had been ready to tell Zevran all about how the Chantry fed Templars lyrium, but it wasn't necessary. Solas was very… resourceful.

            Slowly I began to wonder if it wasn't dangerous to give someone as old as Solas someone to care about. He punished the Evanuris for killing his best friend, what would he do if something happened to me? The veil had been created through sheer determination and strength, it was a prison. What would he do if… if I was lost?

            On the eve of the sixth night that I'd been liberated from the House of Repose I was left alone save for Vivienne and Gypsy. Zevran and Fenris were busy escorting Amara around Val Royeaux. I heard her cussing up a storm earlier in the day saying that she'd sneak out and get 'it' regardless if they went with her or not. She proceeded to call them cunt humping nug shits before she stormed into her room, very _loudly_ I might. Needless to say I had intervened and demanded someone keep an eye on her.

            Solas volun-told the two elves. I was not complaining. There was a definite imbalance in the house. Zevran, remarkably, was not being his flirty self nor was he pushing Solas and it was something I was grateful for.  Though his eyes darted toward me often and I saw something in his look that was echoed in Solas'.

            Tomen and Emma were taking sentry duty in their absence. Both of them had continued their training in the wake of my disappearance, as a result they were comfortable with high places and confident in their climbing abilities. They were stationed on the outside of the house on the roof. Something that made me shine with pride and reminded me of my early days at Haven. I longed to climb something high and just hide from the world.

            My desire for clothes swung from barely there to needing to cover every inch of myself. Solas' belongings were at the edges of the room; everywhere else was either covered with my stuff or covered with stuff _for_ me. I dug into his pack and found one of his long shirts. It went over one of my shirts and I tugged on a pair of his pants, rolling up the legs several times. I tied it off with a leather thong to keep them up. I imagined I looked like a child swimming in adult clothes but I was covered.

            Vivienne stirred on the couch and stood to approach me, "There is something you need to be made aware of, Luna." The sound of my name pulled me to a halt. She hardly ever used my _name_ preferring my title. "One would assume you were already aware, but previous requests have proven otherwise."

            I blinked at her and licked my lips, hesitantly I asked: "What Vivienne?"

            "You are pregnant."

            Blood froze in my veins. It should have been too early to tell. Vivienne made quiet hushing noises.

            "Be still Luna," her hands cupped my face and she chanted "breathe," at me several times. "You were pregnant before you left Skyhold; the child is not that creatures."

            "But the potion-" Solas had been sure to give me one.

            "Switched with a tonic made from royal elfroot and amrita vein." Her voice was not apologetic, "You would not forgive yourself if you killed a child born of love between you and your hobo lover." Her voice was no nonsense, "The tea I gave you strengthened the connection between you and the child, stubborn fool that you are I knew you'd refuse to drink it so I paid your companions to dose you with it as often as they were able."

            Her hands fell from my face and she took a step back. "And the… tonic?" I asked. My head was spinning. Oh god I was so thick, how could I not have realized?

            "Made from powerful healing herbs to speed your recovery along." Vivienne sighed, "If you have not lost the child yet you are unlikely too unless you choose to do so. I did not want someone else to make that decision for you." Her voice sounded a little haunted now. "You should rest, Anointed."

            Vivienne glided from the room.

            "Vivienne!" I shouted, my voice cracking. The tall proud woman stopped and looked at me over her shoulder, "Thank you and…"

            "It will be kept between us," Vivienne assured before she swept from my line of view.

            I stood in the flickering shadows cast by the dying fire. Gypsy pressed a cold nose to the side of my face licking me senseless.

            I was _fucking pregnant_. Time flowed by me and I just stood there, stunned beyond belief. There was a tiny thing growing inside of me and… it survived the onslaught of what Omar had done to me. It was unprecedented, normally the body would reject the fetus if the conditions weren't right. And I can assure you, the events of the last three weeks were _not_ the best for growing **_children_**.

            Gypsy followed me from the room and I wandered down into the kitchens. I hovered in the doorway for a long moment before I came to the solid conclusion that I was not hungry. I should eat, but I wasn't _hungry._ Gypsy whined at me, pressing her nose to my back and pushing me through the door. I twisted to the side, stepping past her and found a room that held a piano.

            They were more common than I'd thought. The piano was in the study, or one of them. Books lined the walls, full to bursting. In the center of the room there were three couches that faced each other with a table in the center. The one open side held a fire place. I jumped when a fire burst into being within its depths. Odd things like that had been happening lately and I had no explanation for it other than Solas following me around and trying to anticipate my needs. Though, he wasn't around when it happened normally. Was he like Mad-Eye and able to see through walls and floors?

            I found myself sitting in front of it staring at the keys. A millions songs raced through my mind, each less appetizing than the last. Gypsy's head materialized beside me and she let out a quiet grunt as she settled into wait. My fingers carded over the top of her head, pausing for a moment to scratch behind her ears. A sigh escaped me and I found myself playing Beethoven's _Sonata al Chiaro di Luna_ , or Moonlight Sonata.

            I lost myself to the music, pushed everything away that wasn't me and took stock of where I stood. I was healing, mostly healed already. It had been around a month and a half since I'd left the Inquisition and there was shit to do. Now, I could either stay here and hide or I could go back to work.

            Omar had left my presence as soon as we joined the others. Tomen offered to escort him back to Skyhold personally, and I would have loved to just so he could see his family, but I needed Tomen here for when…. I left. Because someone had to look after Amara, and she was too much for just one person to handle. Emma would need help. So Emma and Tomen had escorted Omar to the nearest Inquisition camp, which was just outside the city, and they were to cart him back to Leliana for us. Where she would find out who his employer was.

            If I knew me, and I _did_ , when Leliana broke Omar and he told her all he knew I wasn't going to sit around and _wait_ for them to locate his employer. His _employer_ wouldn't live past the shit storm I would rain down upon them. And that was when I knew that I wasn't going to take this sitting down. Omar _failed_ not me. Omar would continue _failing_ with every breath I took because I was here, I may have been battered and bruised, but I was _fucking here_ and he was not. It was that simple.

            That meant that no one could know I was pregnant. I was sure to be treated tenderly simply because of the torture. Solas already blamed himself; I saw it in the way he looked at me. If he learned I was with child I would be locked away from the world I was hell bent on saving. I had to help; there was no telling how my presence here had shifted the imbalance of the world. It was imperative that the world not fall, because I was going to be a mother.

            The last of the notes left the piano as the little hammers struck against the cords. I stood, the bench scraping across the floor. Gypsy jumped to her feet, a growl coming from deep in her throat. I turned and pulled her head against me. She let me lean into her and was just there. When I released her I started toward the doorway and came to an immediate halt.

            Solas stood in the doorway and he was watching me closely. "Give me your name."

            I gave him a quizzical look. "What's the matter?" I asked as I took a step closer. One of his fingers lifted and I was stopped in my tracks.

            "What is your name?" He asked again. I glared at him.

            "You had better be fucking with me because so help me-"

            "Your name." He demanded again and he leaned away from the doorframe. Standing straight he looked menacing. Gypsy rumbled from behind me and I threw out a hand. Her growl silenced instantly but she pressed further against me

            "Which fucking one?" I snapped, "Do you want _Emily_? Or perhaps _Nitana_?" My voice was growing in volume. "I'm tired of games Solas, a name to me is nothing more than a tag for the life I'm living. Luna is who I am living now, but this identity will not be the last."

            Liquid silver edged into his storm blue eyes and his gaze drifted to every part of me. "You no longer have two souls inside of you. I had to be sure."

            "And my name was sufficient?" I growled, "What if I was _lying_?!" A struggle was born inside of me, an attempt to calm my racing emotions. I couldn't let things get the better of me anymore, I had to stay level.

            "It was a possibility," Solas started to turn away from me, "however Elvhen claim names that have described them in the past. That she would claim any of yours as her own… it was highly unlikely."

            "Wait-Where did she go?"

            "Go?" Solas asked as he looked at me over his shoulder, "She went nowhere; she just does not exist outside of your soul anymore. The proof is in your eye."

            "I _ate_ her?" I was horrified. Was that what happened when we fought? "What does that mean? Why do I have two different eyes? That doesn't even make sense!" Too many things were happening at once.

            Solas turned back to me and watched me for a quiet moment, "You were not aware?"

            "No!" I snapped, "We fought and reduced each other's souls to tatters but I didn't know I _ate_ her!"

            "The two of you fought?"  He sounded concerned, "How?"

            I glared at him and clenched my jaw, "When I was being held by Omar." My tone was stiff, "She… whispered things. Promised she'd get us out if I let her have control. I… resisted for a long time but I couldn't take it finally and I gave in. Looking back it is probably why Omar let her off the table, because I said that I surrendered."

            "And then what happened?" He took a step closer. It was the most we'd said to each other in a long time outside of my injuries. There was a tension between us that hadn't existed before and I didn't know if it was because of what happened to me, if he felt responsible in some way or something else entirely.

            "There was a fucking _light_ show and I took over again." I growled, "Why does any of this matter?"

            "Has anything strange or unusual happened?"

            I blinked at him, "How did you… what does that have to do anything?"

            "At the moment, it is a guess but when you absorbed her you absorbed her power." He turned again and started walking away.

            "So that it's it then?" I demanded hotly, "Just confirming my identity? Your curiosity is sated and now you are just going to hang around the edges of my vision. Present but not really there?" Were my hormones this out of sync already? Or was I just being emotion because of all of the life changing events happening? Don't know don't care!

            "What would you have me say?" He asked softly.

            "The _truth_ Solas, that is what I want."

            He spun back to me and I saw something in his eyes, "You almost died, _arasha_. When you came back to me you flinched from my touch, I am giving you the space you need-"

            "I don't _want space_!" I screamed at him, "You all are walking on egg shells around me and I don't know if I'm supposed to huddle into a ball and cry or if I should throw things. If I should feel tainted or ashamed or liberated or afraid! I went through hell; He pulled pieces of me off and _played with them_. He passed me around like a toy to be used and when they were finished he did it again! Now I'm free but I have a constant reminder in the way you look at me-"

            "And how do I look at you?" He challenged, his eyes blazing with something other than that damned emotion.

            "With pity!" I screamed with my hands thrown wide, "It lives inside of you and every time you glance in my direction it is like a blow to the stomach, reminding me of what I lived through."

            "It's been a week." Solas explained, "It is still fresh-"

            "Oh _thank you_ for telling me that!" I snarled, "Like I don't know how long it's been." I spun and started away from him. Gypsy backed into a room and sat down. I gave her a weird look but something pushed into me from behind. I spun, a fist already swinging through the air. Pure instinct.  

            Solas caught it in his palm, his arm swinging down and behind me. The motion pulled me flush against him and something screamed inside of me to get away. "You are impossible." He breathed, "What do you want?"

            I struggled against him but he held me fast, my other hand came up but he caught that one too. Panic started edging in and something clicked in his gaze.

            He released me and backed away. "I'm sorry," he whispered. I was breathing heavy and I backed up several steps. He took a step back again, his hands held up in a silent plea for me to understand, before he turned and walked.

            I slumped down the wall and buried my face in my hands. Gypsy padded over to me and curled around me, using her head she pulled me into her. Her fur was soft and comforting, it anchored me in the here and now so I didn't go back to that room.

            Solas asked me so many questions, questions that were easy and simple but so difficult to ask. I wanted… I wanted… to not answer this question but I _knew_ I had to. So I forced myself to ask the question.

            What did I want?

 

I found my way back to the room. It was _the_ room not _my_ room. My room was back at Skyhold, hopefully with the mattress that I ordered, and the wonderful waterfall that fed the bathing pools, with my own private bath that had naturally occurring hot water and a _shower_. Something I felt I desperately needed, water the temperature of _lava_ to wash off the filth that still clung to me. It was imaginary of course but still, I felt dirty.

            Everything that I owned—and that fit—I shoved into a bag and it sat next to the door. I was tired of wallowing in my own self-pity. If I was so sick of others looking at me with that damnable look in their eye then _I_ needed to change the way I was acting.

            A knock came at the door.

            "Come." I called out loudly. I would not be quiet anymore. I was putting on a mask and playing a role but eventually the role would fade and all that was left would be me and the person I wanted to be.

            The door creaked open and I spared a glance for whoever hovered in the doorway.

            "How can I help you?" I asked briskly as I pulled down the covers on the bed. It was all I did anymore, sleep. I was tired all of the time and I think its cause I slept all of the time. Tomorrow it would change. Amara had already packed her bags and she was excited to be leaving this place.

            "I came to apologize." His voice was soft and I spun to look at him fully.

            "There is nothing to apologize for." I told him. I waited and when he started turning away from me I blurted out, "You."

            Solas paused and looked back at me, confusion in his gaze.

            "Earlier you asked what I wanted, and what I want is you." The answer was driving me mad and I was going to hash it all out with him _right_ now before something else happened and I never got the chance to tell him. "You've asked me so many questions that I've left unanswered because I didn't know how. Recent events put things in perspective and I realize that while I may not _die_ to _me_ , my life here can end suddenly and not telling you that I love you would be such a fucking waste. And I would spend the rest of my lives trying to find a way back to you.

            "You are so god damned stubborn and pig headed and you hide shit from me all the time but you know what?" His eyes were wide when I looked back at him, "I don't care. I don't, not anymore. Keep your secrets. You've already given me your identity and in return I've given you my heart. You, Solas, my wolf that is dread, you are what I want." Also it was unfair for me to demand his secrets while keeping my own.

            " _Vhenan_ ," he sounded so full of anguish, "I cannot give you the life that you deserve, there are plans in motion that I would not have you see fulfilled. I cannot do that to you."

            "I don't deserve _anything_ Solas, it comes down to _wants_. I want you in my life, because you make me a better person, because you make me smile by simply walking into a room and you challenge me with your suspicious nature. I want you because of _who_ you are, not _what_ you are. Solas you are the only one that has treated me as a person despite anything I have done." I chuckled nervously and waited. He crossed the room in three strides and pulled me against him.

            Solas wrapped his arms around me, his hand cradling my head against his shoulder and he just _held_ me there. My hands flew up to his shoulders, tangling in the excess of his shirt.

            "I will always love you." He promised.

            I pressed into him and refused to cry. We stood there like that, him holding me and me clutching at him.

            "So just to be clear," I started, daring to break the silence that stretched between us, "because I ate the ancient soul fragment inside of me I now have one gold eye?"

            "In its most simplistic form, yes." Solas chuckled.

            "Why?"

            "In the morning. _Ar lath, ma vhenan_." Things were still not _quite_ right between us. There was a hint of something but most of it was… better than it had been before. I was hoping beyond hope that the unspoken secrets between us wouldn't erupt like the fires of Mount Doom when they came tumbling into the light.

            "Ditto." I smiled up at him, letting out a real squeak of fear when he suddenly picked me up. He stopped and watched me for a moment before I nodded. Solas then carted me off to bed where he threw blankets over us, we laid on the bed with our limbs entwined and told me stories of his past until I fell into a dreamless sleep. It was strange to hear his version of the Dalish superstitions. If I came at it from a different angle I could see how many of their ill-conceived notions burst into being.

            There was one thing I was certain of. I loved Solas, and short of him physically hurting me or Amara there was nothing he could do that would force me away from him. He made poor decisions on his own, so I wouldn't let him be on his own anymore.

            He was a good man, despite what he thought of himself.

 

I woke the next morning to a mass of black curls in my face and tiny arms wrapped around me. I blinked several times and pushed at the forest of hair until I saw a face. Amara. I smiled at her and pushed gently against her nose, she scrunched it in sleep and I chuckled.

            "Amara, hon." I called softly, "It is time to wake up."

            Her eyes squinted and she dropped her hold on me so she could roll over and push her face into the pillow. I sat up and looked around the room. Solas was not in here, neither was Gypsy. My head tilted slightly and I squinted my eyes. Gypsy had been paying a lot of attention to Solas lately, to his body language. How much had they bonded in my time… away?

            My feet hit the floor and I started to pad across it when Amara shot into a sitting position. She screamed once and then cried, "Freeze!" before she bolted out of the room and down the hall. I froze, foot lifted halfway off the ground. Little girl said to freeze and I would do exactly that.

            It was all of three minutes before she dragged a harassed looking Fenris into the room. Those three minutes were a test to my balance. My eyes widened and I looked between her and the tall broody elf who was only half dressed. I felt a little bit of panic edging in but I forced myself to move past it. It could exist, within me, but it would not control me. _I_ was in charge and emotions would not cripple me anymore.

            Amara tugged several times and Fenris growled at the little girl before he walked toward the bed—sorry _prowled lithely_ —and dropped something onto it. It was the vibrant color of blood, one of my favorites. When the blood was fresh, mind you, not old and coagulated.

            Memories of how my hair looked when I'd been recovered flashed in front of my eyes and I flinched before ripping myself free.

            "What… what is it?" I asked, standing on tip toes and looking toward the bed. It was all wrapped around each other. There were several pieces.

            "The child bought you armor." Fenris stated bluntly and Amara sighed and smacked his arm. I blinked at that.

            What the fuck had happened when I was gone?!

            "You ruined the surprise!" She hissed, "You weren't supposed to do that."

            Fenris chuckled and started toward the door, "There are many things I am not supposed to do, child and yet here I am."

            "Freaking men." Amara sighed as she started to unwrap the stuff. I walked over; sure that no one was going to barge in. "It was supposed to be a present for Satinalia. Your old armor was… dirty and I wanted to get you a new one. I talked to Solas and he helped me pick it out."

            "Oh honey." My throat constricted. It was something that I'd wanted myself but… then things happened and that went out the window. "I love it." I hadn't even seen it all but I loved it because she got it for me. "It must have cost a lot."

            "I…" she looked at me from the corner of her eye, "kind of took the money from you…"

            I laughed, head thrown back _laughed_. "Oh sweets, it doesn't matter who _paid_ for it, you picked it out and I love it."

            She did a little bounce and gave me a grin that showed me all of her teeth. Her fingers were quicker now as she pulled the armor apart and laid it on the bed. "Solas said something prak-tact-ile and that your last set was not." Well Solas was _not_ wrong. "He wanted an ugly brown color but I chose this one."

            "I like this color much better." I assured her as I picked up the chest piece. That's primarily what it was and it was a mixture of leather with hardened leather plates over sections where enemies were more likely to strike. It came with wrist pieces that covered the back of the hands but didn't loop through the fingers. The chest piece itself did not have sleeves and it went all the way up my neck. There was no showing cleavage or belly buttons. It covered _everything_. The pants that came with it were not really pants, more along the lines of chaps. They went _over_ my pants and the chaps were in sections to offer a wider range of maneuverability.

            I was going to have to buy Amara something now, but the little girl couldn't be present for it.

            "You really like it?"

            "Oh yes." I said without hesitation, "I fucking _love_ it."

            Amara clapped excitedly before she spun for the door, "I'll go get my stuff so we can go!"

            She slammed the door behind her on the way out. One glance at it and the bolt slid into place. It was probably going to be awhile before I got used to things like that. I knew, _now_ , that those little strange things, the fire lighting randomly and the food edging closer, the door locking, those little things were me, using the magic that had existed within Ms. Flame. Who was gone now, because… I absorbed her.

            Solas theorized that when she was ripping pieces of my soul off it was to supplement the missing pieces of her own soul; I just beat her to the punch, using her soul to replace the pieces that she devoured. The result was we were now one, no longer two. And that scared me to fucking pieces. Ms. Flame no longer had her own will, she was no longer her own _entity_. The two of us had merged, but I was the dominant personality—scratch that I was the _only_ personality. The end result was I got her memories on how to use magic, though it was limited because she was a _healer_ not a fighter. I could do little things, but the larger spells? Throwing fireballs or hurling lightning? It wasn't something that Ms. Flame had bothered to learn, leaving her protection to her guards or sentinels, _whatever_ she had around her.

            Or maybe I just had horrible luck and the part of her that knew offensive magic was locked up somewhere.

            I shuddered at the thought and refused to think about it anymore. It was horrible enough that she was gone but not gone. Horrible and weird and no more thinking about it. I shoved it to the back and started to strip out of the many layers of clothes I had on.

            The undershirt stayed but the pants went bye-bye. I couldn't run around in Solas' pants so I had to put my own on. Everything fit like a glove. I loved this armor; it was functional and wasn't made for women by men. There were no silly adornments that would draw attention to me, other than the color of the armor.

            "I see our _da'len_ has given you our gift." I spun slowly, knowing somehow that it was _him_ and not someone else even before he spoke. "It suits you."

            "Amara tells me that you helped her pick it out."

            Solas frowned, "Yes, we had agreed on a different color though." I chuckled softly, "Amara was correct, this one fits you better."

            "I think so too." I sighed, "She is going to be so pissed when I send her back to Skyhold."

            Solas hummed in agreement, "Undoubtedly." I finally noticed his hands, or rather what was _in_ his hands. My chin jutted out toward him while my hands buried themselves in my hair, binding it back into a tight braid.

            "A letter from your scouts?"

            "Not mine." Solas gave me a small smile, "Leliana." The letter was extended to me between his two fingers. I lifted a brow in his direction and popped the seal, surprised that he hadn't already done that. While I'd been a guest at the House of Repose there had been several letters sent to me written in both the Inquisitor's hand and Leliana's. All of them had been opened, and I suspected it was Solas who had done it. Not that I could fault him, the man shared few secrets and yet expected so many in return.

            Solas wandered around behind me, his arms wrapping around my waist. I shifted the letter so we could both read it, he wasn't fooling anyone. He squeezed me briefly before he put his head on mine.

            "We are to travel to Crestwood?"

            "So it would seem." My eyes darted across the page again, "A rift in the middle of a lake? The dead walking? Sounds like the work of demons."

            "Corruptions of humanity know no bounds." Solas murmured behind me, "Leliana seems to believe that you will know who the Warden is?"

            I only knew three wardens. The Warden himself, Alistair—potentially Logain but I _might_ stab him if it _was_ him—and Anders. Those were the three… well _four_ that I knew, why would Leliana believe that I knew who Hawke's contact was? It was outrageous, how many wardens lived in this day and age?

            "At least we will finally get some answers about why Stefan was summoned to the Conclave." I deflected. Solas was aware that I wasn't from Thedas, but no one—other than Leliana—knew that I had extensive knowledge about the recent history of Thedas. It wouldn't hurt for him to know but I knew other questions would arise and he knew about the technology that existed outside of Thedas' realm and it would just get _ugly_ trying to explain video games so… that little tidbit of information could wait.

            Besides, he had his own secrets to guard.

            "Amara definitely has to go now," I folded the letter and tucked it safely into my pack. "No child deserves to spend time with the undead."

            "One would suggest keeping her far from Dorian then," Solas commented drily. "He is a necromancer after all."

            "Dorian's dead creatures are _bound_ to him and they go _away_ , these are basically zombies that will eat people's faces off." I defended, "Besides… Amara has expressed… certain… interests that Dorian can-"

            "You are letting _him_ teach Amara magic?" Solas asked. Was there a little tinge of hurt in his voice?

            "Better him than Vivienne who thinks all mages should go back into a tower." I muttered as I hefted my bag onto my shoulder. "Amara wants to learn how to play with fire, necromancy goes hand in hand with it so if she desires to learn that as well you or I have no say."

            "Of course we have a say." Solas deflected, "You are her guardian after all, and your voice means everything to the child's future."

            "You are so confusing!" I barked at him as I stormed from the room, "I will not limit her knowledge because of a stupid prejudice! Not everything about Tevinter is bad, and Dorian is mostly made up of the good bits!"

            "His undead are bound spirits!" Solas called after me, "How is that 'good bits'?"

            "They don't _stay_ bound!" I retorted, "That would be wrong, they go away after a while."

            "And that makes it okay?" Solas demanded.

            I sighed and spun to face him, " _You_ teach her then. Show her how to be an Arcane Warrior."

            Solas' eyes went wide, "How do you know about that particular branch of magic?"

            I pressed my eyes closed and shook my head, "Not the point of this conversation Solas, either let her learn from whom she wants or give her another option to choose from. _Amara_ will chose her teacher and I will oversee the progress she is making. Dorian has agreed, but that does not mean that is the only person Amara will learn from in her life."

            Solas remained quiet for a moment so I spun around and started for the front door again. Amara was already there along with the other four people in the household. My steps halted for just a moment before I picked up my speed again.

            "Tomen, Emma, I have a task for you." My gaze darted toward Amara and both of them relaxed, "I got a letter from Leliana, she is asking that I meet up with the Inquisitor and the Champion in Crestwood. I need you to take Amara back to-" at this point Amara started to loudly protest, forcing me to speak over her, "Skyhold. Take some time, visit with friends and family. A week, no more-" Amara was still grumbling, "and then come to Crestwood. If we are finished by then I will send further instructions."

            Amara was pulling on the hem of my shirt, "This isn't fair."

            I sighed and pinched my nose, "It is never fair Amara, but it is dangerous-"

            "I'd be safer with you!" She cut in, "You are invincible."

            "Sweetie it is so touching you believe that of me but no, I am not-"

            "Yes you are! You always come back."

            "You aren't going." I stated, "That's final, it is safer for you in Skyhold-"

            "No it isn't-"

            " _Yes it is!_ " I half yelled at her, "Amara listen to me, I was _captured_ in a _city full of people_ , I cannot watch you at all times. There will be fighting and death and things that no child your age needs to be shown! You will _go_ _back_ to Skyhold where Dorian currently is and you will begin your mage training with him."

            Her little jaw clenched at me and she swiped a tear before it fell. "Isn't fair." She muttered.

            "One day you will go with me," I promised. "But it will be when you are older, after you have learned to defend yourself."

            "I want to go with you." She pleaded with me, tugging once more on the hem of my shirt. My heart broke.

            "I know hon, I want you to go with me too, but it is dangerous and I can't risk you like that." I knelt and pulled her into a hug, "You are too important to me."

            Her small arms wrapped around me and she started to cry. I stood with her in my arms.

            "Let's go." I called softly and walked out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little fluff... a little plot... Hope you enjoyed!


	35. Clashing with Wolves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Orlesians, am I right?" I chuckled.
> 
> "Bull said the funniest thing when he came through here," Lace started to chuckle. "H

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am repeatedly blown away by you guys. Over 300 comments and 150 kudos! I'm so excited that you guys are enjoying my crazy work. 
> 
> Thank you!

Amara rode with me for several miles before we met up with the Inquisition scouts. From there she and the other two branched off. Tomen was in charge of their little group and he promised to return as soon as physically able. I reminded him gently that his family was waiting for him back at Skyhold and to take a few days.

            Lord knows that my recent bout with torture had put things in perspective.

            "Hey!" I called after their retreating forms. Amara stood in the saddle, pressed against Emma and watched me sadly, "No harm comes to her!" I screamed at them, "And don't forget to run through the exercises I gave you!" 

            "Come home!" Amara screamed, "I'll never forgive you if you don't!"

            "Do you doubt me?!" I screamed after her, pressing my voice farther than it should go so she could hear me.

            Her reply was faint but I definitely heard, "No!"

            Zevran chuckled slyly, "You and the child have a remarkable bond."

            I flashed him a grin, desperate to return to Luna as soon as I was able to, "We are quite a pair aren't we?"

            Solas pulled Shelly into view and turned a stone cold glance at the Antivan, "We should continue. The Inquisitor awaits our arrival."

            Fucking shit he _was_ jealous.

            "Hey Fenris!" I screamed as I leaned back on Bread. It had been an eventful reunion. While I had been in Val Royeaux I made it a point to visit my crazed stallion at the stables at least three times a week. He enjoyed the pampering and the fruits I brought with me. When I was gone for two weeks he lost his shit, snapping at the handlers and wrecking more than one horse stall. The amount I paid in damages was surreal. "You're going to miss her, aren't ya?"

            Fenris had taken a liking to my little one. _He_ turned a stone cold _glare_ at me and refused to answer, simply pushed his Feralden Forager into a quick trot in an attempt to get away from me. I think he was a little sore because he liked a tiny mage, who in his opinion, should be watched closer because she did not have the resistance older mages had. He was very adamant about pointing it out to me.

            Bread bristled underneath me; unsatisfied that he wasn't leading the pack. It turned into a race and when I barreled passed the broody elf sitting backward in the saddle he took it as a personal affront.

            I still won the race, but Fenris promised that I had not won the war.

            Vivienne was watching me a little closer than she had in the past, but we women shared a secret and I was glad that she was along for the ride.

            Son of a bitch. I started to laugh. Vivienne was now privy to one of my closest secrets and I knew that the viper was going to use it to her advantage. It seemed that we were going to cuddle and Vivienne would ride my coat tails to all the major events. I needed her, now, after all.

 

Something tapped at the porthole. Glancing up I saw that it was still pouring rain outside, the seas choppier than I'd ever experienced, but Thedas _did_ have two moons, what could I expect?

            After dropping off Amara and the other two the four of us decided to take a boat. Or ship for those who were more nautically inclined than I was. The ship was bound for Jader, a port city that was close to the border between Feralden and Orlais.

            So the tapping on the window of the ship that was attached to my room raised obvious alarm. Being in the middle of the sea, nothing should be _tapping_ on anything. Rising slowly so as not to wake Solas—who had seasickness—I moved quietly across the room and opened the window. Droplets of water fell through the opening and a bird as black as night hopped into the room, gave a large squawk, ruffled his feathers and settled down on a table in the corner.

            My gaze darted to the sleeping elf on the bed. Solas was a heavier sleeper than I'd originally given him credit, but then again he was a Somniari and they were literal _dreamers_. He wouldn't be much of a dreamer if something as small as a bird could wake him.

            Upon further inspection of the bird I noticed that there was a tiny scroll attached to his leg. My mouth pulled down into a frown and when I approached the bird—raven actually—held out his leg and clicked his beak at me. Warily I extracted the letter from him, when it was absent he flapped his wings a few times until he was sitting next to the shuttered lamp. He ruffled his feathers again before his eyes closed in contentment.

            Seemed I had a guest, at least until the storm passed.

            The parchment—thankfully not paper, the storm would have ruined it—was tightly rolled and I read it once before holding it next to the flame and allowing it to burn. Leliana had another task for me. The Mayor of Crestwood had slipped through the Inquisition's fingers and Nightingale wanted him back.

            " _Arasha?_ " Solas mumbled, his hand sweeping the spot I vacated "Is something wrong?" He sat up, eyes darting around the room.

            "No, love." I whispered, "Go back to sleep."

            Was there a way to tell how far along I was…? Because it might….

            Aw fuck me!

            I rolled out of bed and started toward the door.

            " _Vhenan_?" Solas looked a little green, a faint sheen of sweat coating his face.

            "I'm a little queasy, gonna get some bread." I smiled at him, "Want some?"

            He shook his head and dropped it back onto the pillow. "Thank you, but no."

            It didn't take me long to locate Vivienne. It took me longer to wake her up and I refused to be cowed by the look of murder in her eyes.

            "Sorry for interrupting your beauty sleep." I stated as I walked passed her. Once I was inside her room I started pacing. "Is it possible to tell how long I've been pregnant?" I barely spared a glance for her.

            Vivienne laughed, "Oh isn't this lovely." I stopped and looked at her, "So, the rumors are true. How many men have you been with?"

            "Two." I blurted out. Well… _two_ while in _Thedas_. But she didn't need to know that.

            "Just two?" One of her magnificently plucked eyebrows rose.

            I rolled my eyes, "Alright, it's more like…" I counted slowly on my fingers, "Look!" I waved my hands, "I don't know the _exact_ number of all my partners, but only two in recent months. I… need to know _who_ the father of the baby is."

            "Yes, I suppose that is a rather important fact." Vivienne suppressed a yawn behind a hand, "To answer your question, yes it is possible but I am not versed in the proper arts, you will want a doula."

            "What in the seven hells in a _doula_?!" I snarled, "Freaking Omar had one too!"

            Vivienne sat up a little straighter, "Is that so?" She stood, her hand extending toward my stomach. I resisted the urge to smack her hand away. "He was aware of your predicament then. I thought it suspicious that he was so careful _not_ to hurt you anywhere that might affect the pregnancy."

            My blood ran cold, "You mean he tortured me in such a way that it wouldn't harm the kid? Why would he do that?"

            "You, my dear, are unique in Thedas." Vivienne stated as she sat down and crossed her legs, "It is quite possible that Omar was hoping your child would display the same qualities you have."

            Meaning that he could get more money out of his employer for me. Because if they wanted me due to my abilities, why not have a kid you could raise to love you and do your bidding instead of risking someone as stubborn as me running around with their secrets.

            "Holy fuck."

            "Quite." Vivienne yawned again, "Shall I make a request for a doula on your behalf?"

            "No," I shook my head, "I don't want anyone else finding out about my… situation. Are doulas common?"

            "It is a specific branch of healing within the mages abilities; still it is popular in places like Antiva or Rivain."

            "Thank you." I nodded at her, "I'll let you get back to sleep."

            "How very charitable of you." Vivienne called after me as I slipped out of her room.

            And straight into Fenris. We collide together and I jerked back like a scalded cat. Fenris caught me before I fell and my gaze flicked to his ears.

            "How much did you hear?"

            "I was already aware of your situation." His tone stated that he did _indeed_ know which made me question _how_. "Amara will be please when she find out. She is quite attached to her dolls."

            "How did you find out?" I bit the edge of my lip, Fenris was fucking dense as a box of rocks when it came to certain situations, _all_ men were. He wouldn't notice where I hadn't.

            "Hawke." Fenris stated, releasing his grip on my arm now that I was stable and not in danger of falling over the railing. "She is knowledgeable in this area."

            "And how the _fuck_ did Hawke know?" I'd met the woman _once_!

            "She noticed that your breasts," I glanced down, "appeared to be larger than the shirt you were wearing the night at the tavern, and then she heard about how you had gotten sick. As I said she is knowledgeable."

            "You keep this to yourself."

            "Or what?" Fenris leaned closer, his eyes narrowing.

            "Or I tell everyone the great Fenris was caught playing dollies with a little girl."

            A faint pink colored his cheeks and I almost gaped at him. I didn't know it was possible for Fenris to _blush_.

            He straightened, "Very well."

            So… Hawke then? Good thing I was on my way to meet her.

 

Unloading Bread from the cargo bay of the ship had not been pleasant the first time around. My stallion was not fond of tight quarters nor was he okay with the bobbing of the ocean. So when I went to escort him out—because none of my companions were willing to after _loading_ him—I was surprised as hell when he snuffed at me several times and then just pranced out of the hold as happy as can be.

            Coin exchanged hands and my group was out of Jader as quickly as possible. I was not as fond of cities as I had been before, which hadn't been very much. It was now almost to an outright hatred of them.

            Vivienne passed me a vial; it was the third one she'd given me in as many days. It was to help curb the morning sickness. No I didn't want to know what went into it. It almost seemed like now that I was _aware_ I was pregnant the more I was aware of what foods set me off. And so I started avoiding them.

            Which complicated matters because it wasn't like there was a plethora of food to be had. It was pretty much meat, bread, potatoes and cheese. Stew set me off, as demonstrated when I met Hawke. Stew was a _hard_ no. So not only did I avoid stew but I sampled the individual ingredients.

            Was it potatoes that made me sick? No thank _Bob_. It was the meat that went _into_ it which was commonly used. It was nug. Nug was frequently what we ate on the road and now I understood my aversion to it. Trying to hide the fact that I was no longer eating nug? Not as simple as I thought it would be.

            Since Fenris was in the know about the kid I sent _him_ hunting because I couldn't very well explain why I went every night while I was supposed to be recovering from torture. I told him to bring back _anything_ but nugs. He lifted an eyebrow but didn't comment past that. Between me, him and Vivienne we managed to rake in enough game that on the nights were Solas or Zevran hunted and brought back nug I had something else to eat.

            Not that the vomiting stopped. There were other things that I couldn't eat and I just thanked my lucky stars that Solas or Zevran weren't paying too close attention to my eating habits. Though it didn't stop Solas from forcing several nausea remedies down my throat that more often than not also caused me to vomit, which only made him try harder to cure me of something that couldn't be cured.

            Vivienne stepped in and stopped him from forcing me to take his potions because and I quote, "A hobo such as you is clearly unaware of proper circle teachings on how to prevent one from vomiting, I must insist that you cease and desist."

            I got behind her pretty quickly on that one; I _was_ kind enough to give him an apologetic shrug though.

            We were two days on the road before we ran into a rather suspicious looking fellow. I eyed him closely. He wasn't rather tall, for a human. The man was sporting stubble on his face that showed he hadn't been keeping himself very well and his clothes, despite the new wear and tear, were nicer than most would wear.

            "Greetings!" He called out, waving a hand at us, "You look like a kind bunch."

            "Morning," I nodded at him, "How can we help you today?"

            "I am traveling," his eyes darted to the sides, his blond hair greasy and falling around his face, "though I did not have time to prepare properly. Would you have any food or blankets you could spare?"

            "Such a shame." I nodded at Zevran who dismounted and rifled through is saddle bags, "We don't have much, but what we can spare is yours." I dismounted as well and took the nug that had been allotted to me, "Where are you coming from friend?"

            He smiled his thanks, gratefully accepting the food. "Crestwood."

            My smile froze on my face. "Gregory Dedrick?"

            Gregory bolted. At least I assumed he was Gregory. I sighed and hit him with pull while Fenris dismounted and charged at him with his sword drawn.

            "It is rather rude of you, running from us when we generously gave you food." Fenris stopped in his tracks and watched as Gregory drifted slowly toward us. "You are thankful are you not?"

            "What sort of magic is that?" Fenris growled, his attention switching to me.

            "It isn't," I muttered. "You are Gregory Dedrick?" I asked the man, "I would hate to have a case of mistaken identity."

            He muttered half formed thoughts, his eyes wildly darting about. Pull wore off and he slammed into the ground.

            "I shall take that as a yes." I sighed and gestured toward Gregory, "Gregory Dedrick you are under arrest for crimes committed against your fellow man. You shall be detained and returned to Crestwood where the Inquisitor will decide what to do with you."

            "I did it so we could survive!" He argued, "You have no right!"

            I snapped and advanced on him, "No! Its men like you who have _no right_! Who are you to decide who lives and dies?"

            "They had the blight." He stated quieter than before. "I was doing them a mercy."

            "So you think." I snarled. My fists found their way into his shirt and I ripped him up to me, almost mashing my nose against him, "I think it was murder, plain and simple." Zevran appeared next to me with a length of rope. I wasn't gentle when I dropped him, nor when I forced him over and into the mud of the road. "The blood of men, women and children are on your hands. You are a coward and should thank your lucky stars it is not me who will decide what to do with you."

            His hands were bound tightly behind him and I yanked him to his feet. I pulled one of my kerchiefs from a pocket and wiped his face off. No one deserved to be treated as I had at the hands of our lovely Inquisitor.

            "You will ride my horse."

            When I spun Fenris loomed over me and Solas hovered at the edges.

            "What?" I growled, aware that Vivienne was also moving closer. Zevran knew Fenris, or at least I thought he did. He should know of Fenris' aversion to all things magical. Fenris watched me closely and I took a step back so looking up at him didn't strain my neck.

            "How was that not magic."

            "I've been through this with the leaders of the Inquisition," I growled, "and have _two_ mages here than can vouch the ability I just displayed is _in fact_ not magic. If you desire I can demonstrate on you and see if your lovely tattoos can pull mana from it and break my ability." My voice was low and I waited for him to make a decision.

            "If not magic then what is it?" Fenris challenged. He looked ready to attack but I understood. He hated all things magic and after what he'd been through I could hardly blame him.

            "Science." I snarled, "Get out of my way."

            Solas cleared his throat and I flashed a look behind me. There was a look of rage upon his face and it was directed at the tall elf before me. If Fenris actually attacked me so soon after what happened Solas might very well kill him.

            "Very well." Fenris, it seemed, came to the same conclusion as I had.

            I pushed Gregory a head of me and Zevran stepped forward to help him onto Bread.

            "It is kind of you to give your horse to a prisoner."

            "Yeah, well I've been in his position." I explained as I turned to search for Solas. I didn't have to go far. Solas had nudged his horse between me and Fenris. He leaned down toward me, his hand extended. "I hated running behind the horses, and this way we'll make faster time."

            Zevran gave me an odd look but didn't comment further. Once all of us were mounted again we took off.

 

I tightened my grip on Solas as we slowed down. Crestwood came into view and Mr. Dedrick was becoming increasingly agitated. Several times he tried to lead Bread away from the herd but Zevran had the reigns. Fenris and I hadn't spoken a word to each other and I was just ready to drop the three of them off and go wander away from everyone with Solas while we searched for Ellana.

            However that was not the case because Fenris was also looking for Hawke, she was his _wife_ after all. Not to mention that I wanted to find Hawke as well. I had no recollection of her being versed in the pregnancy process but I wouldn't trust my knowledge to be up to date considering that what I _did_ know was based off of a game that I played close to ten years ago. Her and her family lived outside of Lothering for a long time before the blight struck. She might have learned about pregnancy from her mother while she was going through it with the twins, or she might have helped with the deliveries in the town. Who knows? Certainly not me.

            Custody of Gregory was given to the people of Crestwood, at least until the Inquisition Scouts could afford to make a trip into town to get him. I was tired of playing around and _running_ around. I wanted to meet this Gray Warden.

            "Anointed," Joe snapped a salute and I gave him a smile and dismounted. "You're looking for the Inquisitor yes?"

            "Joe!" I exclaimed and shook his forearm, "Good to see you man, and how ever did you guess?"

            He flushed and lifted a letter, "She left instructions on where to find her."

            Zevran cleared his throat and stepped up next to me, "It does not matter to me, mind you, but is it wise to leave the Mayor with the town's people?"

            I glanced over my shoulder toward the town. From what I could make out they had the Mayor in the town square in something that closely resembled the stocks. I half smirked and shook my head.

            "Zevran they could kill him for all I care. As far as I see it if they do its one less mouth for the Inquisition to feed."

            "How blood thirsty of you, _mi cara_." Zevran chuckled.

            "Did Leliana say anything to you about the Warden?"

            "Blackwall?" Zevran asked and I just gave him a look before I remembered that one of the people Ellana recruited was in fact a Gray Warden. "Nothing that comes to mind."

            "Thank you Zev." I nodded at him before turning back to Joe, "And thank you Joe, you make a girl's life so much easier!"

            "Happy to be of assistance Ma'am."

            "Luna?" I spun at the sound of my name. "Andraste's tears it is you!"

            It was none other than Lace Harding herself.

            "Woman!" I greeted, "How have you been?" I strode happily forward and extended a hand. She took it.

            "You know how it is," Lace smiled and tucked a hair behind her ear. "Heard you went through some nasty things yourself." Her gaze lingered on my cheek, "Glad to see you are okay."

            "Orlesians, am I right?" I chuckled.

            "Bull said the funniest thing when he came through here," Lace started to chuckle. "He called Omar an Orlesian Tickler."

            Oh god if it was anything like a French Tickler….

            "You know, I honestly wouldn't put it past that pansy." I forced a smile, "How are things here, anything of note?"

            Lace snapped out a salute and started to list things off, "A man from the village came into our camp asking if we could send someone to check on his friend. A woman by the name of Judith living outside of town."

            "She's living _outside_ of the town? The dead are crawling all over this place." I sighed, "Did he say in which direction?"

            Lace pointed toward the horizon, "Said it is about half a day's walk from here."

            "Thank you Lace," I smiled at her. "We never did get that drink."

            "It's hard to get a drink when the world is going to shit." Lace chuckled, "Take care of yourself. I hope you find the bastard."

            "I will," I promised with a wink. "Be careful, the dead can be dangerous."

            Lace smiled and waved as I mounted Bread again and wheeled off in the direction she pointed.

            It wasn't long until we ran into resistance. Gypsy reached them first, crushing the helmet of a Templar with her jaws. I sneered as another tried to take her down. I loosed an arrow upon the arrogant asshole, hitting him in the eye and he went down.

            A bolt flew past my face, dragging across my right cheek and ripping open the wound just under my eye. I screamed in pain and rolled off of Bread's back, hiding behind him. Magic wound around my fingertips and I passed them over my face, relief flooded me when the cut sealed closed.

            Maybe I could get used to magic.

            Spinning I flipped my cloak over my shoulder and smacked Bread on his haunches. He screamed and bolted. I located the Templar with the crossbow. He had a dagger sticking out of his chest. Dissatisfaction wound through me. _I_ wanted to kill him. Grunting I forced myself past it and swept my gaze over the skirmish. Solas and Vivienne were on the edges, even though they didn't like each other very much they still fought well together.

            I left them; the two mages were capable of take care of the other's back. Instead I focused on the ones that were attempting to rip through Fenris and Zevran. They stood between the Templars and the three ranged fighters. An arrow was notched to the string of my bow and I was just waiting for an opportunity. I lifted my bow several times but I never had a clean shot. Fenris and Zevran moved like the wind, shifting constantly; they always slid away from an oncoming blow.

            These two moved in tandem and I wondered just how much time they'd spent together. It hadn't been very long from what I knew but obviously that was wrong because they knew each other's weaknesses and more than made up for them.

            Gypsy backed away from the fight, her loud rumbling growl was easily heard from there. She kept an eye on me, snapping at anything that tried to move passed either of the elven men. I frowned and shifted uncomfortably. I didn't like this. Didn't like hanging back, it was too out of character and someone was bound to notice. Anything that called attention to me acting different couldn't be allowed.

            I slung the bow over my shoulder, "Gypsy! With me!" I shouted as I charged in. The sound of her paws hitting the ground was loud in my ears as we closed on our enemies. I shifted under Zevran, sliding between the two men. Dirt flew from my fingertips, straight into a Templar's eyes. His shield came up to block it and I slapped the shield with throw. He sailed through the air.

            One of the mages hit him with an ice spell and when he hit the ground he shattered.

            Zevran pushed me out of the way and threw a dagger. I spun with my back pressed to his, ripping another enemy toward us, my free hand not throwing biotics around gripped Zevran's shoulder and pulled him to face the Templar hurtling toward us.

            "Incoming!" I shouted before releasing Zevran. The sound of flesh tearing told me that Zevran dispatched of the man.

            Fenris flicked a glance in my direction, his expression darkening. He charged toward me and I dropped to slide between his legs. Another enemy froze in front of me; a glance toward the mages showed that frost still coated the end of Vivienne's staff. She gave me a distinct nod before throwing a rippling barrier over the three of us.

            I hit him with shockwave and he crumbled. I spun on my knees looking for anything that moved and was coated in red. Someone screamed my name. Black fur sailed over me followed closely by the sound of crunching metal. I dropped to the ground and laughed.

            Gypsy wandered over to me, leaving her kill where it was. Her nose snuffled the side of my face before she ran her tongue over my cheek, hopefully she cleared it of the blood and no one would notice that I'd been hurt. Only Solas knew that I had magic now.

            It clicked that I had _another_ secret that I was keeping from people. I'd have to tell Dorian that he didn't need to research a way to get Ms. Flame out of me anymore and somehow explain that I… was more now.

            My life had been so weird since I met that Fae in the bar. I didn't even get his name and it was such a shame.

            A hand closed over my arm and ripped me into a standing position. Fenris glared at me. "You are insane." He growled, "A woman that is pre-" I slammed my knee into his crotch and dropped him.

            "Keep your fucking hands _off_ of me," I snarled as I leaned down. "And the father doesn't know so shut your god damned trap." The last was a deathly whisper that no one other than him and possibly Gypsy heard.

            Fenris glared up at me and I saw him shimmer for half a second before I hit him with stasis. I walked away from him, my stride determined and angry. My hand rose to my mouth and I whistled sharply. Bread came at me at a full run. He slowed down just enough that I could grab the saddle horn and swing a leg over. Once I had my seat I gathered up the reins and jabbed a heel into the horse's side.

            Break jerked once before he bolted. I heard a howl behind me. I didn't spare a glance, either they followed me or they didn't. Either way I was capable of taking care of myself. I didn't need anyone to coddle me or tell me what to do. I was a big girl. The only person who was probably more lethal than me was Solas and that was a big _probably_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That Fenris man... I couldn't see writing him any other way. He detests magic to his very bones. Don't worry I already have it planned out on how they become friends.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Luna you reckless woman!" Ellana tugged on Bread's bridle, "I want to speak with you, now."
> 
> "Careful," I warned, "I've had a helluva day and I am not willing to put up with anyone's bullshit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to go up last week around this time, sorry for the delay.

I found Judith's homestead. By the time I reached it my temper had cooled and I regretted my actions, but just barely. Fenris was a fucking wild card when it came to me and I quickly came to the assumption that me and the man were not going to get along. Maybe Hawke could talk some sense into him but I highly doubted it. Not after the way he reacted to Anders or any other mage other than Hawke herself.

          Growling I dismounted and dropped the reins on the ground. Bread was trained enough that he wouldn't wander unless danger presented itself. Gypsy pushed her nose into my hand and I looked at her.

          "Oh sweets," I mumbled as I pushed my face into the side of her head. "I think I might be losing it."

          Gypsy whined at me and I patted her neck gently before pressing a kiss to her muzzle.

          "Love you."

          The wolf followed me to the door and when I pointed my fingers and snapped she laid down. Her jaw was open and her tongue lolled out the side. My knuckles rapped against the door. It was only moments before it opened and revealed a very pretty human.

          "Judith?" I asked with a half-smile on my face. Her gaze darted around, landing on Gypsy before flicking over to Bread.

          "Do you need assistance?" Her voice was sweet and carried the distinct accent of one native to Feralden.

          "No," I shook my head, "I was asked to check on you, a gentleman in the village was quite worried about you."

          She smiled and let out a low chuckle, "That would be Guald." She stepped back and gestured for me to enter. "Please, come in."

          Her home was cozy, reminding me of my time with Stefan. A merry fire crackled in the hearth. Herbs hung from the ceiling and the bed was neatly made. There was a table in the corner and a desk across from it. The desk was covered in notes.

          "Would you like something to drink?"

          "Water," I asked, "if you don't have that I wouldn't say no to some tea." I was desperately going to miss coffee and wondered how I was going to play that off. Someone was going to notice I was avoiding the stuff and I didn't know if Thedas had a list of things to avoid when pregnant.

          It was going to be harder than I thought to keep this a secret.

          Judith hesitated a moment, "I haven't had the time to fetch some fresh water, not with the dead wandering. Would you like a little wine?"

          "No thank you." I smiled at her. Alcohol was definitely a no no. "Are you safe out here?"

          "Quite," she assured as she tended a pot that hung from a swinging hook. She pushed it back into the fire, "Guald is sweet, fast with a loom but not so good with a sword. I've been out here most of my life, there is very little that bothers me." Judith gestured to a seat, "Please, sit."

          "What is that 'little' that bothers you?"

          She frowned and eyed me, "There is a wyvern that has moved in, it is not too far and it is bolder than the others. Comes down occasionally and torments my livestock."

          She set a glass before me and I looked into its depths. Stew. My mortal enemy.

          "What kind of meat is in this?" I asked curiously as I swirled the cup.

          "Druffalo?" She asked, "Is something the matter?"

          "No," I smiled, "just an aversion to nug is all." A small sip proved that it was indeed not nug. After that hesitant taste I quickly tipped the glass up. Potatoes and carrots floated across my pallet and I relished the taste. "This is very good." I set it down and watched her closely. "This wyvern, where is it located?"

          Judith sat across from me, "Not far from here, the creature has taken a liking to a cave." There was a bowl in front of her, the spoon held idly in her hand, "Perhaps you could find someone to kill it? I would be interested in its remains."

          I finished the stew and rose to my feet, "Consider it done." A soft smile spread across my face, Judith was my kind of girl. No nonsense and able to defend herself, "I apologize for eating and running but I have an appointment to keep. Stay safe out here. I will let Guald know that you are safe."

          "Thank you…?"

          "Luna," I put a hand on the door, "I am with the Inquisition."

          "Thank you Luna of the Inquisition." She smiled and leaned back in her chair. "It is not common to find a kind soul such as you. Please do not take on the wyvern by yourself. It is dangerous."

          I let a low chuckle fall from my lips, "I'll be careful Judith. If I have time I will return to let you know it is completed, otherwise I will have one of the soldiers come and inform you."

          "Thank you Luna." Her tone was genuine.

          As I exited her cabin Gypsy stood and sniffed at the edges of my pants. I patted her head gently and started toward Bread. He was exactly where I left him. I swung up into the saddle and looked around.

          Judith said that there was a cave nearby. There was a large hill in the distance, the only place that a cave could be and still be relatively close. Gently I nudged Bread until he was headed in that direction.

          The quiet was killing me. And I was likely going to receive an earful from Solas and the Inquisitor for just running off like that. I scratched my forehead and sighed. It wasn't like I could stick around after slapping Fenris with stasis. It was bad enough I hit him in the family jewels let alone used my abilities on him. He was probably furious. I wouldn't be surprised if he attacked me on sight now.

          I shook my head and looked up. The hill was growing steadily closer. It was rather large but it still wasn't classified as a mountain, though it would be a close thing. Pulling on the reins got Bread to trot along the base of it. From here I could look up and spot any sort of recess into the face of the hill.

          Gypsy growled causing me to look at her. Her nose was tilted up into the air and she was sniffing, slowly her hackles rose. I stood up in the stirrups and looked over Bread's head. I squinted and saw that there was a tunnel. It was an unusual land mark. From the way it looked rain or flooding washed away the softer part of the hill, leaving only rock behind. It was a natural archway.

          Cautiously I urged Bread forward. Gypsy's growling intensified and I made a shushing noise. Her growl stopped abruptly though her hackles were still raised. I pulled back on Bread's reins and stopped him. If there was something ahead of us it probably wasn't wise to approach on horseback. We were downwind of any threat Gypsy sensed so it was unlikely the wyvern would see us coming. That and I didn't know how Bread would handle such a monster.

          My feet hit the ground and I tucked the reins into the bridle. Bread followed, his hooves gliding quietly over the small rocks that were scattered all over the place. I wasn't as graceful as the horse or the wolf but I made do. I managed not to trip over anything as we stumbled straight into…

          It was a fucking Red Templar camp.

          "Fucking shit!" I screamed as I back peddled. Bread reared up onto his back legs, kicking out with his front and knocking the Templar back.

          My scream alerted anything else in the area and it wasn't long before I was swarmed with Templars.

          It was chaos as Bread kicked at anything that wasn't me or Gypsy. The latter snapped arms off of bodies and I threw singularity out, snaring several of the corrupted men in its swirling gravitational pull.

          I prepared to hit one of the floating Templars with throw when someone screamed behind me. The noise dropped me to my knees and I rolled sideways. A behemoth of a Templar slammed a war hammer into the ground where I'd been just moments ago. My heart raced right up into my throat and instead of hitting the floating assholes with throw I tossed it at this man. He jolted back several feet but it didn't have the effect I expected. His feet never left the ground; instead he left a trail like something drug him backward.

          Gypsy darted toward him making it impossible to follow it up with a combo shot. I snarled and twisted back to my singularity. I threw a hand out low like I would have thrown a bowling ball. Shockwave rippled out across the ground headed straight for the six Templars caught in my trap.

          They scattered as soon as the shockwave reached them. Their screams made my stomach turn, I was assured broken bones and less enemies but I was forced to wonder where my squeamishness came from.

          The behemoth charged me. I darted sideways and hit him with reave. He screamed in agony as his nerve ending were flayed alive. His energy flowed into me and it was a dark ugly thing that squirmed inside my veins.

          Note to self, do not suck energy from Red Templars. It gave me the heebie jeebies. Goose bumps prickled my arms and I fought a wave of nausea. My stomach rebelled and I couldn't force it away. I dropped to my knees and puked up the stew Judith was so kind to feed me.

          Hopefully this didn't cause me to have a reaction to druffalo or anything else that had been in the food.

          The behemoth—still screaming in pain—continued toward me. I rolled away from him, swiping up a discarded sword. His hammer flew through the air toward me. I let out a scream of my own and threw up a hand. A barrier cascaded over me. The force of his hammer hitting it dropped me to a knee.

          I let the barrier go as he pulled the hammer back for another strike. My forearms slammed together as I gathered a biotic field over myself. As I thrust my arms forward I charged the behemoth for a change. The sword was straight out in front of me. It slammed into his stomach and ripped out the other side.

          The thing that had once been a man didn't pay attention to the sword sticking out of his gut. Instead he gripped my throat with his massive hand and started to squeeze. I slapped his arm several times, using my fingers in attempt to break his hold. I couldn't breathe and my lungs were burning with the desire for oxygen. Tears leaked from the corners of my eye while black started to encompass my gaze.

          Everything was down to a pinpoint when he dropped me. First order of business was to get the fuck away from him. He was not natural; anyone with a sword in their gut should be stopped in their tracks.

          I rolled away from him and sucked air for all I was worth. A hacking cough incapacitated me and I was truly afraid. Any moment I expect to be crushed by that massive asshole but as the seconds turned into minutes and the blackness faded into nothing it never came. I forced myself to my feet and looked for the Templar.

          Gypsy was on his back, her head twisted sideways, jaw around his face. One of her canines pierced his eye and he was trying to rip her from his back. I screamed in rage.

          "Gypsy down!"

          She released his face while pushing off of him with her feet. He swung at her but I hit him with singularity. It barely lifted him off of his feet, but I wasn't finished. Slam flew from my fingertips quickly followed up by throw. He rocketed into the distance and I dropped to my knees in relief.

          "Good girl." I cooed with a cracked voice. Bread pawed the ground behind me, scaring the absolute shit out of me. I screamed and darted sideways, barely stopping the shockwave from leaving me. Sighing I fell back to the ground. "Good boy."

          I don't know how long I laid there but Vivienne's face suddenly invaded my vision.

          "Are you quite finished dear?" Her tone was light and airy but I could tell she wanted to yell at me.

          "I think so?" I gave her a halfhearted smile, "It was close there for a bit, but I got it."

          "Indeed, it was a stunning display of idiocy." She held out a hand and I gratefully took it. "You were quite fortunate to escape unscathed."

          "Not entirely." I rubbed my throat and shoulders. The behemoth had rather large hands so he crushed most of my upper body. "I don't know if I broke anything."

          Vivienne pinched her nose and shook her head. "A moment Anointed." A green aura coated her hand and she passed it over me, her mouth pinched in concentration. "That Fenris is a dog off of his leash. You were right to act the way you did."

          "He knows." I stated quietly, "So does Hawke."

          "How does the Champion know?" Vivienne sounded very interested, "You have no serious injuries, though you will bruise here shortly."

          "Where is everyone else?" I looked around and didn't spot anything moving.

          "The men were quite convinced that you would head for the Inquisitor first, as it is the point for us visiting Crestwood."

          "So why are you here?"

          Vivienne gave me a smile, "My dear it was plain to me that you would attempt something stupid in a vain display of prowess. Anyone with eyes should be able to tell you have been chomping at the bit."

          I gave her a sheepish grin, "Vivienne you aren't as bad as I thought you'd be."

          She laughed, her head tilting back slightly, "I shall take that as the complement it is." A genuine smile crossed her face, "You will be hopeless in Orlais, I hope you intend for me to attend the Masquerade at your side."

          My hand found its way to my hip and I twisted. Several pops cracked up my back and I sighed in relief, "Of course, how else would I avoid insulting the nobility."

          One of her perfectly sculpted eye brows rose, "How very pragmatic of you to realize your shortcomings."

          "And I shall take that as a complement." I turned looking for a cave. "You haven't seen a cave have you?"

          "Am I to assume we are going after the wyvern?"

          "You spoke to Judith as well?" I glanced sideways at her. Her Orlesian horse stood proud behind her.

          "How else would I know to come here darling?" Vivienne chuckled, "Shall we press forward?"

          Bread nudged me and I searched for the pocket that held my sugar cubes. Only to realize that was a different set of armor. My red set didn't have pockets. I sighed and ducked under his head to dig through the saddle bags. An apple found its way into my palm.

          My horse eagerly took the morsel from my hand. With him distracted by the crisp treat I swung up into the saddle.

          "Let's." I smiled at Vivienne. She was an ally that I hadn't expected, I knew that she was looking out for herself and trying to improve her life but for now we were on the same side and our goals aligned. She was already mounted.

          Gypsy led the way and we followed at a more sedate pace.

 

The wyverns were easier to dispatch than the Templars had been, but then I had a mage tossing spells like a gunslinger from the Wild West at my side. Vivienne was just as interested in the wyverns as Judith, but she only took a heart from one of the smaller ones. She didn't explain her reasons and I didn't need them.

          "Anointed," Vivienne called out as she swung up onto her mare. I learned on the ride to the cave that her name was Grace. Once Vivienne saw she had my attention she asked me a question. "Should I ever come to you with a favor; will you do it no question asked?"

          I didn't even hesitate, "Of course Vivie." She made the most delectable disgusted nose. I think Cassandra would have been proud of her.

          "Must you?"

          I chuckled, "I suppose I could refrain from nicknames. Sera ruined them for me."

          "Did she ever settle on one for you?"

          I grimaced, "No, we are between Nointy and Annie last time I checked."

          "Be grateful she did not settle on Boo." Vivienne rolled her eyes, "How the Inquisitor tolerates her I will never know."

          I tilted my head, "Sera is an odd character but ultimately harmless, at least to her allies." A smile lifted the corners of my lips, "She keeps the men entertained and their spirits high. They are safe from her pranks but none of the higher ups are." I liked Sera and her crazy hair.

          "Exactly dear, neither of us is safe from her antics." She shook her head. "The Inquisitor awaits, or would you like to rest for a moment?"

          I pressed a hand to my belly. It was still flat, I didn't know much about pregnancy other than morning sickness typically ended with the first trimester and you started to show toward the beginning of the second. Then again I was a different species and I had no idea how long the gestation period of an elf was. Hopefully it was the same as a human's.

          "No, we should get moving."

          "Very well," Vivienne inclined her head and she turned Grace with a flare that I wish I had.

          Vivienne was an unexpected ally and it was weirdly comfortable around her.

          I swung up into Bread's saddle and followed Vivienne out of the cave. At the next Inquisition camp I would have someone send word to Judith that the wyverns were dead.

          Vivienne was not one for idle talk. The things we talked about were topic of sustenance. What was my opinion of mages, did I believe they should be returned to the towers. Upon learning that I was opposed to the towers she challenged how I expected them to learn in a safe environment.

          "The Dalish manage it." I offered, unable to think of another way. "As do the mages in Rivain and Tevinter is a poor example but it is possible for mages to exist outside the Chantry and Circles."

          "What would you suggest then?" Vivienne demanded, her tone subdued but it didn't fool me.

          "A college." I stated simply thinking of Skyrim, "Templars would be present but they would not be in charge. They would be a last line of defense should something happen. Mages, as you are aware, are humans. No one is perfect and temptation reaches the best of us. But Mages are capable of keeping their own in check. It was proven with the Feralden Circle at Lake Calenhad."

          Vivienne seemed impressed, "You know a great deal of Feralden's history." We were getting into dangerous waters, "Is it true that you are from Rivain?"

          "A story that Josephine came up with," I said softly, "In truth I can't claim any one nation as my own; I never stay in one place for very long. I don't… fit in with others."

          Vivienne's face softened and it was a surprise for a woman with her strength to show me such an emotion. "I am from Rivain myself, though I asked to be transferred to a Circle in a different nation."

          I smiled at her, "Well I for one am glad that you did, otherwise you might not be here."

          Vivienne looked up at me, "You are quite serious aren't you?" She seemed surprised that someone was genuinely happy she was here.

          "Yes, I am."

          "There you _are_." Someone accused. I flinched at the tone of her voice.

          Vivienne suppressed a chuckle, "We have found the Inquisitor."

          "Luna you reckless woman!" Ellana tugged on Bread's bridle, "I want to speak with you, _now_."

          "Careful," I warned, "I've had a helluva day and I am not willing to put up with anyone's bullshit."

          Ellana's face hardened and she flicked a glance at the people that stood not too far away. This was a test, would Ellana push for the authority that the Inquisitor held or would she treat me as my stupid appointed position demanded?

          "Please." The word was ground out through clenched teeth.

          I dismounted and snapped, my finger indicating a spot. Gypsy padded over to it and dropped to the ground.

          "As you wish, Inquisitor." I gave her a tight lipped smile. It seemed that both of us were on edge.

          Once we were out of earshot of anyone—I pushed us a little farther than Ellana designated because Bull was in her company—she sighed and wilted in front of me. A hand shot up to cover her face before she flung her arms around me. I blinked before awkwardly patting her back.

          "I was so worried about you. When they told me you were missing it was not something that I could comprehend. Vivienne and the others left to search for you. It was a horrid two weeks while we waited for news." She stepped back, "I'm sorry for my attitude but I just found out that all of the Gray Wardens are hearing the Calling."

          "Son of a fucking _goat_! Are you serious?"

          Ellana blinked at me, "You know what the Calling is?"

          "It is what drives Gray Wardens to seek the deep roads and the darkspawn that dwell there. A signal that the blight is taking them and they will not survive long." I clenched my jaw, "How is _every_ Warden hearing this? The Calling only affects the ones that have been Wardens the longest."

          "Alistair informed us that Clarel—the Warden Commander—is summoning all of the Gray Wardens in an attempt to end the Blights once and for all."

          "How…?" I trailed off, "How in the hell would they accomplish that?" My mind was still being blown by the fact that Hawke's contact was _Alistair_. He should have been _king_! This world state was fucked. The Hero of Feralden was married to Anora and currently _missing_ because he hadn't been at Redcliffe.

          "Clarel wants to make a last stand in the Deep Roads." Ellana shook her head, "Alistair thinks that something is wrong, he doesn't believe that the Calling is real. He believes that Corypheus is behind it."

          I nodded, "When Hawke freed him from his prison the Gray Wardens were affected by him. He… can control the blight to an extent. I don't really know but if he has the ability to do this it might be empowered by the Elvhen orb he has." Something niggled at the back of my mind and I chased the thought. It eluded me and I let it go. "This could be _very_ bad for the world."

          "Solas is of the same mind as you are." Ellana put a hand on her back and pushed. Her face pinched in pain and I sighed.

          "Put your hands behind your head." I walked around her. She turned with me giving me a strange look.

          "Why?"

          "Just do it," I put my hand on my head with my elbows sticking straight out. "Like this."

          Ellana looked hesitant but did it regardless. I looped my hands through the spot between her forearm and her bicep, placing my hands over hers. My body leaned back, lifting her off the ground and I bounced a little. Several cracks flowed down her back and Ellana let out a moan. I released her and stepped back, hands held out to the side in case she fell.

          "Better?"

          "Much." Ellana rolled her head on her shoulders, "How did you do that?"

          I smiled, "An Earth trick, there are others but that is the easiest way to realign the back, at least for me." She looked like she was ready to float away. "Ellana I want you to remember that I am here willingly."

          Her face adopted a passive look, "It is difficult to remember when you are constantly running away."

          "Well in my defense Cassandra did _throw_ a knife at me." I gave her a sardonic smile, "I had things that I needed, Amara comes first for me. She is the most important person in my life and I will drop everything for her. I need you to be aware of this, Amara comes first but she is safe. I am here to help, but ordering me around isn't going to work."

          The younger woman lifted her chin and it looked like she was going to challenge me for a moment before she let out a large breath, "I know," her head dropped back, "you always do the right thing, but sometimes your right thing and the world's right thing don't align."

          "We all have our own agendas." I reminded her, "You want to use your position to improve conditions for the Dalish."

          She let out a bitter laugh, "The humans will never see us as equals. All I want is for people to respect us. It was my hope that being Dalish would shift their view point."

          I shrugged, "It might still. You've been Inquisitor for almost two months. People will see them in a new light before the end. Humans… they are a stubborn lot, assholes for sure but some good ones are out there." I slapped her arm, "Come on, I want to meet Alistair."

          "That's right!" Ellana exclaimed, "Leliana mentioned that you might know of him, come on I'll introduce you."

          I _really_ wanted to know if I could get Alistair to say 'swooping is bad'. I was completely prepared to drop the word swoop into every conversation with him until I heard it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys! You have no idea how excited I am about this story. I have everything planned! And if you know me that is a huge deal for me. I have so many unfinished stories on my laptop that it isn't even funny. But this one? It has an end and then a sequel that has an end too! 
> 
> You guys are simply amazing. The comments and kudos are my fuel. Thank you for going on this ride with Luna and I.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bull laughed, "No one accused you of being soft. You must be like fire between the sheets."
> 
> I kicked a rock in his direction, "You'll never know." I pointed a finger at him, "So shut up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two week absence! Man the holidays are rough. Looking forward to just relaxing and hammering out a few more chapters. 
> 
> Hope everyone had a good time with loved ones.

Fenris prowled at the edges of my vision. The cave that Alistair had been hiding in these last weeks was entirely two small for the force of our two personalities to clash inside. If I brought my full weight down upon him here he would not be the only casualty, so for now I ignored him. It was one of the things I did best. Don't like something? Ignore my ass off.

          Vivienne held out a cup of her nasty tea and I drank it quickly, gulping the scalding liquid. Solas was giving me a funny look when I pushed past my grimace of distaste. I offered him a fleeting smile before I spun to face Alistair completely; the cup Vivienne gave me held in her direction. Vivienne took the cup from me and when I glanced at her it had disappeared, one assumes into her bag of endless horrible tasting remedies.

          "Warden Alistair." I smiled at him, refocusing on him again. "It is a pleasure to meet you, it is as if you stepped directly from legend to stand before me." I inclined my head, wondering where the actual fuck these words came from. I didn't speak like that.

          Alistair gave a throaty laugh and nodded, "Zevran told me about you." He shook a finger at me.

          "Careful," I winked at him, "or you'll find yourself with cooking duty."

          "Please no," Alistair grinned and shook his head, "we'd all be dead before weeks end."

          "Poison?" Ellana asked from the side.

          "No," Alistair stated blithely, "from starvation. I'm a horrible cook."

          I strode forward and held out a hand, "Luna." A smile blossomed on my face, "Ellana here tells me you have troubling news."

          "If by 'troubling news' you mean the world has gone completely mad then yes." He sighed and took my offered forearm. "A pleasure Luna."

          "So, what can we do to stop the Gray Wardens from this crazy plot of theirs?" I stepped back and leaned into Solas, one eye on the dark skinned elf. Hawke stood between me and him, her hand grasping at his wrist.

          "I don't know much," lucky for him Morrigan was missing or she might seize the opportunity to riddle him with snark at the opening he created, "but they are gathering in the Western Approach, at an old Tevinter fortress."

          "Wonderful," Fenris spoke, his voice a drawl, "blood magic no doubt." I glared at him and pointed at Hawke.

          "Keep your little wolf on a chain or I'll sic my big on one him." Hawke looked around for an actual wolf, though Gypsy was still outside. Little did she know that I meant Solas. I was slightly curious as to why Fenris was still alive.

          Solas stepped up behind me and wrapped a hand around my waist before pulling me back against him. "Peace, _vhenan_." Solas murmured, "It will do more harm than good to fall to his level."

          "I'll plummet past his level." I threatened.

          Hawke laughed and Fenris bristled, "That would be a spectacle wouldn't it?" She winked at me, "I'm sorry, Fenris won't say it but he should." Hawke gave him a look, "I tried to tell him, but he is stubborn as a mabari. Peace, Anointed." Hawke held up a hand and gave me a small smile, "We are all on the same side here."

          Alistair sputtered next to her, "Anointed? As in the Chantry version of Anointed?"

          I groaned and flicked a look at him, "Ex-Templar, never took your vows though. Know the Chant of Light forward and backward." A tight smile stretched the corners of my mouth, "Don't read more into it, humans are bat shit crazy."

          Zevran let out a bark of a laugh, "If only you knew the half of it _mi cara_." Solas cleared his throat behind me and I shifted to settle against him fully. He relaxed as I melted into him.

          "So, why are we still here? We need to get to the Western Approach as soon as possible and put an end to this bullshit." I looked around, my gaze settling on Ellana, "We should roll out."

          "Josephine has requested that we return to Skyhold before marching out there. And it is on the way." Ellana looked at me, "The Orlesian ball is fast approaching and it is required for both of us to attend."

          I growled, "Saving one Empress is not as important and stopping an entire Order from fucking the whole world over."

          Vivienne cleared her throat, "Would it not be wise to block all of Corypheus' attempts at success?" My gaze darted to her passive face.

          I gritted my teeth to the point they ground together, "Of course," Solas squeezed me and I relaxed a fraction and released a harsh breath. "You are correct Vivienne," I sighed, "tending to Orlais is important and it is on the way."

          My hand found Solas' wrist and I squeezed it twice before stepping from his grasp. The cave was definitely too small.

 

Breathing was a chore at this moment. My breath rose and fell harshly as I puffed for the oxygen that was both keeping me alive and killing me. Hawke stood opposite of me.

          "You promised to show me your abilities." Hawke chided as she spun her staff slowly in her hands, "Or am I not enough of a threat for you? Shall I step it up a notch?"

          "Chill woman," I held up a hand, darting to the side when a ball of lightning exploded too close to me, "Let's not get you killed."

          Hawke let out a taunting laugh, "You cannot kill me." The woman became a blur as she rushed me. I let out a squawk of distress that was in no way shape or form attractive. "You cannot even hit me." The blade of her staff came a little too close to my stomach for comfort and a deep gnawing anger started to sprout in my chest. "Fenris told me you fight with a tenacity, but I think you are lacking."

          "Watch it." I growled as I spun under her staff, "Or someone might get hurt."

          "Don't tempt me with a good time." Hawke purred as she lashed out with a foot. "You might get more than you bargained for."

          Solas stood at the edge of our fight. My gaze flashed to him and I gave him a questioning look. His hand was curled over his mouth, making him difficult to read. But he gave me a small nod. He would heal her of any damage I caused.

          "Keep your lover in check when I hurt you." I snapped back at her, my hand arcing out in a low strike. Shockwave rippled through the ground, sending up small puffs of dust with ever hit. There was a moment that I relished, when her face turned from confident to unsure. She was still cocky and tried to dodge it but it caught her, throwing her back.

          I danced away from her, allowing her the time to gather her bearings.

          Fenris was hunting at the moment. On Hawke's insistence so this little fight could happen. I'd been reluctant until she called me a nug shit—this world's equivalent to chicken shit—and I was completely on board with slamming her into the ground, but the woman was more squirrely than me when it came to dodging.

          Once Hawke was standing on her own two feet and she started toward me I threw up a barrier, holding it tight to fit just over the surface of my skin. Her spell bounced off of it but took a large chunk with it. I gave her a tight smile and charged her, she was ready with a barrier of her own. Seconds later her staff slammed into my side, shattering the last bit of the barrier. I wrapped my arm around the staff and planted a boot in her gut. It was like kicking a solid stone wall.

          Magic ran through the staff and I dropped it like it was a hot potato. She smirked in victory but it was short lived because I knocked her on her ass with slam. A groan of pain rippled out from her and I heard something crack.

          "Done." I barked, "I'm done, you need healing."

          Hawke snorted and shoved her way to her feet. "Don't back out on me now." She baited. I sighed and threw a singularity at her.

          "Allow me to rephrase, _you're_ done." I spun and walked back toward camp. Hawke was drifting slowly through the air when Fenris showed up and I let out a streak of curse words as he went all fade shifty. "She _asked for it_!" I screamed as I threw up a barrier. Fenris surprised the hell out of me when he slowly stepped through my barrier.

          How had he realized that slow moving objects could pass through? Fuck me sideways.

          His sword gave an eerie ring as he pulled it free of the sheath. Hawke was passed out behind me, the damage I caused to her more extensive than I realized. I shifted, dropping into an easy stance.

          Solas materialized in front of me, his staff twirling through air lazily as he threw spell after spell at Fenris. The lyrium in Fenris' skin lit up as it drank the mana from the spells that Solas threw at him.

          Solas cast a hand behind him, shoving me back several paces. "Tend to the Champion." He ordered. I bristled at it but realized that it was the wise thing to do. Spinning I slowly pulled my singularity apart so it didn't shoot her off into the distance. My feet swiftly closed the distance between me and the human mage.

          Once I reached her I slapped her face a couple times but she wasn't waking up. Growling I stood and spun back to the fight happening between our enraged lovers. Fenris was sporting several wounds, but Solas was bleeding outright. Anger more than flared inside of me, it encompassed my entire being. I started forward but Zevran stepped between me and them.

          "Move," I snapped. Zevran shook his head.

          "It is not smart to step between two men when they are fighting over their loved ones." Zevran murmured at me, "Give them a moment, I am sure it will resolve itself."

          "You want to help?" I hit him with pull and stepped past him, "Get the Champion on her feet."

          I heard Zevran scrambling to reach me but I quickened my pace. Fenris had this cold haze about him, his every focus was on the battle between him and Solas. He was calculating and every move was precise. He moved with a grace that I'd only seen on Solas. Fenris was a true killing machine, honed over the years of evading his ex-master, cemented when he drove his fist through the evil man's chest.

          Fenris' blade slid through the air with no resistance, straight for Solas. I was too far away to intervene, but I was going to be damned if anything happened-

          I screamed in horror as the sword made its way past Solas' defenses. It opened a gash along his stomach.

          "Solas!" My body darted forward, faster than I'd ever moved before. I saw the surprise wash across my lover's face swiftly followed by pain.

          "Fenris!" I barely heard it past the roaring in my ears.

          I charged him, hands thrown out. The distance between us vanished in the blink of an eye. I hit Fenris with reave. "You back water pecker head!" My throat was hoarse. One of my feet sunk into his stomach. As soon as it landed my other left the ground and I slammed it into his jaw, a hand pressed against the ground. My body twisted until I was on all fours. Both of my hands clenched into a single fist and I brought them up swiftly, slamming them into the underside of his jaw.

          He stumbled back and I dropped into a protective stance, uncast biotic blue swirling around the tips of my fingers.

          "I will end you for what you've done to Hawke."

          "She _asked_ for it," I snarled, "begged even. I didn't want to but she _wanted to see_."

          "She's right Fenris." Hawke interjected. I didn't spare her a glance but she went to Fenris, "I was curious, she sated it."

          He pushed her out of the way, "She is an abomination, just like Anders." Every muscle in his body flexed, "She should not be allowed to live, what horrors will she visit upon the world if she is left to roam unchecked?"

          Fenris charged me. I didn't even think about it before I hit him with throw. The blue ball slammed into his chest and I stood to my full height, all five foot three of me. "You're done." I stated with a quiet rage, "This is over, for the sake of Hawke you live. For her sake only. I know you have the ability to be a good man, you are just blinded by your hatred for everything magic." I strode forward, slapping Hawke with stasis as I walked by. No one was going to interfere.

          Ellana and the others watched as I approached Fenris. He lay curled on his side gasping for air. I picked up his sword and glared at it. Spinning I threw it as far as I could before hitting it with singularity, followed swiftly by throw. It rocketed off into the night.

          "You raise a hand to either me or my loved ones again and you will not draw another breath." I loomed over him, "You do not know me or what I am capable of. I can wreck a ship with a single _breath_ , rip your strongest walls into little more than pebbles, I can _break you_ where you lay without batting an eyelash. With the proper weapons I could drop you from five hundred yards. I am more of a monster than you will ever know, but you cross me again and I will be the _last_ monster you know."

          Fenris made to move, a hand flashing to the small of his back. I hit him with slam, digging him deeper into the ground.

          "STAY DOWN!" I bellowed. When Fenris lay there with a look of pure hatred on his face but didn't move I withdrew and walked back to Hawke. Her eyes were narrowed and I snapped my fingers. "Go heal him." The stasis field around her dropped and she hunched over.

          "That was unnecessary." She bit out.

          "He is unnecessary," I growled, "as was his reaction. He _attacked_ me, Solas defended me and Fenris should thank his lucky stars I think so highly of you."

          Hawke stalked passed me. My gaze softened as it fell upon Solas. Fade green swamped his hand as he slowly moved it over the large gash on his stomach. I approached slowly and knelt next to him.

          "Are you alright?" I whispered as I stretched a hand toward him.

          "Nothing that I cannot heal." He assured, he gave me a small smile, "I forget how formidable you can be."

          I gave him a dry chuckle and swiped at a tear, "I thought he killed you."

          "He very nearly did." Solas was not happy about that fact, "Fenris is stronger than I gave him credit."

          "Fenris has spent his entire life hating mages," or at least what he remembered of it. "I am not surprised that he is skilled in fighting them." Something that I could not recognize pulled at the corners of his eyes. It looked like sorrow mixed with rage crossed with something akin to loss. My fingers curled around his chin and I gently pulled his gaze to mine, "Are you sure you are alright."

          Solas pulled me to him and pressed a kiss to the corner of my lips, "Wounded pride, nothing more." But it sounded like so much more. "It would be wise for us to give the Champion and her husband space."

          "I'll get the horses saddled." I pressed a kiss to his lips, "It was very valiant of you to come to my rescue."

          "Nothing shall harm you ever again," Solas promised, "not while I draw breath."

          "It is a dangerous thing to promise," I whispered as I stood. "Even the Dread Wolf cannot protect me from everything."

          My voice was quiet and we were the only two within any sort of range.

          Spinning I approached the camp, everyone watching me with a quiet hesitance. It was Vivienne who broke the silence, "The dog has been put in his place."

          I sighed, "A dog who is afraid will lash out when their owner is weak." I shook my head, "My actions were unnecessary, I could have diffused the situation in a painless manner but I wanted him to suffer." Bull watched me closely, "It was stupid and vain."

          "You're leaving," Ellana noted, "probably best after… tonight's events."

          I gave her a wry smile, "I'm sorry if I've made things more difficult, but I stand by my actions." I started toward Bread and paused, "Just so you know… you count among my 'loved ones'."

          Ellana let out a chuckle, "Surprising considering our past."

          "Everyone makes mistakes," I gave her a look. "Watch him; he is loyal to a fault, especially to Hawke. If he senses she is in danger he will not hesitate to retaliate, as he demonstrated tonight."

          "You're like a Tamassran." Bull spoke up, drawing my attention to him. I lifted a single brow in question, "Unhesitating to protect those she deems under her care, gentle yet firm."

          I snorted, "Did you not _just_ see me?" I pointed at Fenris who was currently being tended to by Hawke, "I was anything but _gentle_."

          "I was referring to Solas." Bull's eye darted to where Solas waited for me. "That is a side of you we rarely see."

          Ellana coughed dryly into her hand. And I glared at her.

          "Are you calling me soft?"

          "It is not a bad thing to be called." Vivienne stated, "Those who think you soft would be underestimating you however, and that is always a point in your favor."

          I grumbled but nodded, "Not soft."

          Bull laughed, "No one accused you of being soft. You must be like fire between the sheets."

          I kicked a rock in his direction, "You'll never know." I pointed a finger at him, "So shut up."

          Someone cleared their throat behind me and I spun. Hawke and Fenris were both standing there and there was a series of subtle shifts behind me. I tensed and watched the two of them.

          "Fenris has something to say." Hawke glared at him over her shoulder, "Don't you love?"

          Fenris looked away from both of us, "I… was wrong."

          "Save it." I snapped, "I don't care, I was hoping things could go differently but you crossed a line in the sand."

          "Luna…" Ellana called out, "diplomatic."

          "Shove being diplomatic!" I spat, "He tried to kill me, he almost killed Solas." I pointed at him, "You will _stay_ away from Amara, you hear me? I see you even _breathing_ in her direction and I will rip you limb from fucking limb."

          Hawke sighed dramatically, "Is there no way we can end this peacefully?"

          "No."

          " _Vhenan_." Solas called out and I shifted my stance to watch him approach while keeping Fenris in my line of sight, "Feuds such as these benefit no one, surely we are capable of forgiving a slight of this magnitude." He winced in pain and I took a step toward him, hands held out to catch him. He gave me a smile and straightened, "The Champion and her husband have helped us a great deal."

          When he reached my side he pulled me against him, an arm wrapped protectively around my waist. "Solas-"

          He gave me a look, one that I recognized.

          "Very well." My voice went flat; it was the only way to keep my anger out of it. "I shall look past this, a… free pass as it were."

          The look Solas gave me was one of cunning. It would not do for Fenris and Hawke to be on the guard while they were around me, and they would be around me frequently. I was not convincing, I knew I wasn't. There was nothing subtle about me, I was a banner on fire being waved through the air trying to appear as if I were a firework. I was fooling no one.

          Solas' hand came up to press into the back of my head, shifting me so I could hide in his shirt. My hand came up to tangle in the fabric and it took everything I had to present my back to Fenris.

          Hawke gave a mirthless laugh, "And I am the Divine."

          Ellana spoke up, "Luna is protective, and angry at the moment. I am sure once she calms down we can revisit the topic."

          "Look at you being all diplomatic." My words were muffled by Solas' shirt. Hawke actually laughed at that one. Sighing I pushed my anger away from me and remembered what Hawke and Fenris were like years ago. "I would like to try and be friends." I gave her a tight smile, "Once I have… calmed down I'm sure we can reach some sort of… agreement."

          It hurt, physically, to say that but somehow I managed to keep it off of my face. Leliana would have been proud.

          "See?" Ellana clapped and held out a hand, "Why don't we sit around the fire and-"

          "No," Solas intervened, "tonight's events have taken a toll on Luna, distance is the best solution for now. We shall meet you back at Skyhold."

          "I will fetch my belongings-"

          "That will not be necessary, Enchanter." Solas interrupted. "It is best if you remain with the Herald. She is the one we cannot afford to lose."

          "Isn't it safer to travel in-"

          "Boss," Bull called softly, "after what she has been through some time away from crowds will be beneficial. Trust me."

          Solas stepped away from me and suddenly I felt exposed in every way. A raw nerve on display for everyone to see. My time spent on the slab interrupted my every thought, my stomach twisted sideways and my breath hitched.

          Gypsy loped back into camp and came to a halt, her nose in the air. She dropped her head low and let out a growl, slowly moving between me and the others there. She hip checked me, driving me toward Solas and the horses.

          "Gypsy-"

          "Don't." I called out, holding out a hand to silence anyone from speaking, "She is sensing my…" I broke off, "just don't."

          Gypsy bumped me with her hip again and I stumbled forward several paces before I walked toward Solas of my own accord. Solas started to hurry when he saw Gypsy's reaction to my state. Bread and Shelly were saddled in no time flat and before I knew it Solas was pushing me into the saddle. Gypsy's head came up to my knee while I was on Bread's back. She turned to look at me and I saw the intelligence of a human behind her eyes. In some way Gypsy knew what I'd been through and she was now protecting me.

          I laughed and tugged on the reins. Solas pulled Shelly in front of me; his eyes were coated in the liquid silver that came with magic. Gypsy walked over to stand beside him. With both of them gazing at me… I couldn't take it. They shared the same look and… it was just too much.

          I gathered the reins up and pulled Bread in a circle, a heel to his side got him running. It was dark, it was stupid, but it was what I did. As soon as we were far enough away from the camp I threw a ball of light overhead, tethering it to my aura. Soft golden light spilled on the ground, showing the way for Bread. Solas and I may have been able to see in the dark, but the horses could not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man that Fenris.
> 
> As for the fight between them? Personally I wanted Solas to wipe the floor with him, but Solas is not what he was and Fenris... I mean Fenris hates mages and the lyrium running through his veins makes him something else on the battle field. Oh man that was a fun chapter to write.


	38. What is a Name?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Biotics sparked around my fingers and Leliana put a restraining hand on my arm.
> 
> "Do not." Leliana warned, "Tell her from there."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More smut

Not for the first time in my short life did I stare up at the stars with a longing that could not be quenched. It started when I was little, the stars were an escape; a way for me to get away from the abusive step-father and negligent mother. Only Grandmamma was good to me, she tried to get custody but by the time anything had been done she'd been diagnosed with dementia and pronounced unfit to take care of a small child.

          She did manage to do one thing though, instill me with memories of hope and showed me what love was supposed to look like. She was my mother's mother and the one who taught me how to play. Mother was… well I have nothing kind to say about her, but the one thing she did right was to pawn me off on Grandmamma when she wanted a break from me. The hours I spent at Grandmamma's house were full of love and laughter, of imagination and insight. She had this piano, it was old, the varnish chipped, but it was well cared for and played the sweetest of notes. We played duets together.

          Grandmamma was the one thing from my childhood that was good, and my last night with her—though I did not know it at the time—was spent looking at the stars. When she was younger her hair was like fire, I had inherited that from her. She had a thick Irish accent and she told me stories about the Fae and of Underhill. At the time I thought they were fairy tales, nothing more but now I knew better. She pointed out constellations and shared their meanings with me, told me all sorts of things. Most of them I can't remember, but I remembered the sound of her voice, the cadence, the lilt of her accent.

          So when the fade parroted her at me I dropped to my knees and wept with my hands stretched toward her. Logically I knew it wasn't her, Grandmamma was millions of lightyears away from me, if she was even in this plane of existence. Her hair skewed in its special way, tight curls and white as snow. The crinkle next to her eyes and the one chipped tooth in the front. The fade got her down to the mole under her left eye.

          "Oh my wee _leanbh_." She cooed at me and I crawled toward her, "Oh shush now, no cryin'." She shuffled toward me, her weathered hand pressing into the back of my head, muffling the sound of my cries in her skirts. "Such a good lass you are."

          "I miss you," I breathed. She wasn't real, but I so wanted her to be.

          "I know, and you've been through so much." She pressed a little harder. Harder than she should have been able too. "Rest now, Grandmamma's got you."

          "Luna," Solas called from behind me, "Luna that is a demon."

          "Don't listen to him my babae, I'm as real as the air you are breathin'." She pushed harder, forcing my face deeper into her skirts, "Rest easy little _leanbh_ ," her voice still carried the same sweet sound, "this man knows not what he speaks."

          "Luna, you do not know the danger-" Solas broke off and I cried into her skirts, because Solas was right. This was not my Grandmamma. She died when I was nine, and I understood that. But was it so wrong to seek comfort from her visage?

          I pushed away from her. "He's right," the words were but a mockery of a whisper, barely there, spoken through wracked sobs. "You aren't real."

          "You want me to be." She pressed a warm hand to the side of my face, "I can be, just stay with me."

          "I can't." I shook my head and pushed to my feet, stepping away from her. "There is so much…" I shuddered with the force of my tears, "I… can't." I turned away from her and looked at Solas, "Take me anywhere but here."

          " _No_!" The thing that played at being my Grandmamma morphed into a demon I knew so well. Desire. "She is mine, you cannot have her!"

          Solas stood next to me and between one breath and the next we were in a different part of the fade.

          "How long has that demon followed you?" Solas asked, his hand firmly on my bicep. I tried to shrug away from him, "Has it taken that form before?"

          "No," I pushed at his hand, "let go."

          "Luna it is dangerous-"

          "I know."

          "You don't." He bit out, "You carry magic inside of you now, and you do not understand the temptations that they dangle in front of you."

          "I _know_." I growled, "I saw what happened at the Feralden Circle." I ripped my arm from his grasp and stepped back. "Desire showed me a woman that I loved with every fiber of my being."

          "Who was the woman?" Solas demanded, "Is she worth losing everything you are?"

          "Yes!" I cried, "The woman you saw was the _only_ good thing about my childhood. She loved me and cared for me, showered me with cookies and kisses and let me be a kid! So forgive me if I sought a little comfort."

          "They come bearing many faces-"

          "Do not preach to me about not giving into temptation." I held out a hand, "Everything was under control."

          "You were clutching at her like a-"

          "-child?!" I finished, "That's how I feel Solas! I feel like I'm six again, thrown into deep waters without a flotation device. I'm drowning and I don't know which way is up. My emotions are all over the board, one second I am so _angry_ and the next I am lost. I can't catch my breath, friend is turning into foe and the people I never thought I'd be close too are suddenly by best friends! Everything has changed but it is still the same."

          His jaw was set, "I will not lose you because you cannot tell fiction from reality."

          I took a step back and glared at him, "Fuck you, she was my _grandmother_."

          And I woke myself up the only way I knew how. I jumped from a ledge and waited for the fear to shove me out of my dream.

 

I woke thrashing. Solas pressed close to me. There was a moment before I hit the ground that I hung suspended in the air. If I had wanted to I could have stretched out a hand and brushed the dirt before I was thrown into the Waking.

          It was only seconds before Solas stirred next to me. My arms wrapped around my knees and pulled them to my chest.

          "I don't know how to do this." I whispered, "Not really. I'm fumbling through life, a product of my raising except I'm trying to rebel, to be stronger than my mother made me. I'm trying to stand on my own two feet but every time I feel like I'm getting somewhere the world knocks me on my ass."

          Solas wrapped his arms around me, "Tell me about her." Gently he pulled me back into his chest and I sighed as I relaxed against him. I turned on my side and hummed when he threw a leg over me.

          "She smelled like peppermint tasted, and her cookies were the best on the planet. Her secret was an extra pinch of cinnamon and another cup of chocolate chips. She liked to watch the _Price is Right_ and _M.A.S.H._ , on Sundays she would take me to get ice-cream, I ate until my stomach hurt and then she would feet me tiny mints until I felt better. She always had candy in her purse and-" I broke off, pressing the back of a hand to my mouth. "I miss her, so much."

          "She sounds like she was a good woman."

          "The best, she always knew how to make me feel better."

          Solas held me, his arms tightening around me as I cried, "I assume she is no longer alive?"

          "No," I whispered.

          "In your religion, what happens when you die?"

          "Well… there are lots of different beliefs, reincarnation, a paradise for those who were good, or burning if you were evil."

          "And yours? In particular."

          "Mine?" I laughed, "I don't know what to believe."

          "Hers, then." Solas corrected softy.

          "Grandmamma was a stout Catholic with a good heart. If her religion was correct she would have gone to a place called Heaven."

          "And you do not believe in this place?"

          "Solas… I _died_ and ended up here. If her religion was correct I should be burning in the pits of hell for my sins."

          "That is a fate you do not deserve."

          I snorted, "You have no idea the things I've done." I sat up and away from him, "What do you believe in?"

          "Cause and effect." Solas answered almost instantly.

          My fingers found a frayed edge of a blanket, "So there is no divine creature waiting for you on the other side of the veil?"

          "You know, as well as I, that the Elvhen gods were not actual gods. As to what came before us, I do not know. The idea of some _creature_ as you so delicately put it, is a tempting idea. A god that does not need to prove themselves, perhaps if my kin had felt the same we would not be in this situation." His eyes darted to the side and I couldn't help feeling like he was hiding something from me. Or not reveling the whole truth.

          "I'm glad they didn't." I confessed, "Because then how would I have met you?"

          "Moments ago you told me to 'fuck off' and now you are glad that I destroyed the world?" He gave a wry chuckle. "Emotions all over the board indeed."

          "Not like that you ass," I mumbled, "You would still be the great Fen'Harel. People looking up to you, your own little cult followers that did everything you said no matter how _hard_ you told them not too. How would I ever get close to that? I probably would have been shot walking in the door. I'm too wild for your cult followers to allow near you." I nodded matter of factly at him.

          "Well, when you phrase it that way…" Solas sat forward and pulled me to him, "I very much desire to kiss you."

          I snorted, "You don't have to ask." 

          His lips slotted over mine, his hands tangling in my hair, holding me against him. It was sweet and slow, it stole the breath from my chest and I ached at the thought of a life without him. How fast he work his way into my heart.

          My fingers found the edge of his chin and slid down to splay across his throat. My thumb ran over his Adam's apple and I shifted into him. His hand palmed my rear, pulling me up and toward him, his legs shifting until he hovered over me, pressing me softly into the ground under me. I relished the feeling of him between my legs, but when he shifted in just the wrong way my mind went black.

          When I came back to myself Solas was in the corner, holding his wrist and softly crooning at me. Gypsy laid with her head in the tent, small short whines emanating from her throat.

          I licked my lips and glanced down at my hands, there was blood on the tips of my fingers. "Oh god," I whispered, "did I hurt you? Let me see." I crawled forward and tugged on his hand gently, "I'm so sorry I don't know what…" I trailed off. Yes I did. I knew _exactly_ what caused this. "I hate them for doing this to me again."

          Blood dripped slowly from Solas' arm and I gently ran my bloody fingertips down his forearm, pressing a tad of magic into them I sealed the wounds. Solas winced slightly but sighed afterward. "You are quite good at that."

          "Well it helps when I have her memories of _how_ to cast healing magic."

          "Forgive me, _arasha_." Solas used the tip of one finger to tilt my chin up to him, "It was insensitive for me to behave in that manner-"

          "No," I shook my head, "you did absolutely nothing wrong, you are not the cause of _this_." I wave a hand across my body. "I will not allow you to shoulder the blame for wicked men. Do not lay this fault at your feet."

          "I should have known better." His voice was soft, "Shall we get some rest?"

          "I was… rather hoping you could replace the bad memories with good ones." I gave him a small smile, "Give me something other than… _that_ to feel every time you touch me."

          " _Vhenan_ ," Solas sighed, "it is not a-" he broke off and nodded. "You know your mind best, this will help?"

          I straddled him and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, "It will." I assured, "I've done it before, it helps."

          His grip tightened on me until I was sure he left bruises behind. "How many times have you gone through this?" The pain was obvious in his voice and my heart tugged at the sound.

          "Each time is too many," I whispered, "and not something I want to think about right now." I leaned forward, rising until our shoulders were level. Solas buried his head in the crook of my neck, inhaling deeply. I tilted my head to the side and back, exposing my throat to him.

          Gently he pressed an open mouthed kiss to any inch of my skin he could reach. It was warm and tender. He moved, his hands running over my breasts and down my sides. Trails of fire chased his touch.

          Each time he found a spot that caused me to flinch or shy away from him he paused to press a kiss to my lips before descending to that spot. Slowly he worked his way through each and every one, kissing and touching, licking and biting until there was nothing left but _him_. And I loved him for it.  

          He was thorough, leaving no section unexplored. The callouses on his hands were rough against skin, adding to the sensations he was building up inside of me.

          "I love you," I breathed, "I never said it properly, but I love you."

          Solas straightened and gazed down at me, " _Ar lath, ma arasha_." He breathed. There was tenderness in his gaze that was only reserved for me. I smiled and tugged at his clothing, sitting up just enough to push his shirt off and encourage him to slide his pants down.

          "Lay back." I pushed against his chest, shifting until I was over him. Solas was breathing heavily and I cradled his head to my chest. His arms wrapped around my back, pressing himself further into me. I gently placed a kiss on the top of his head. " _Lay back_." I insisted and used two fingers to push him back.

          His arms stayed around me, pulling me down with him. A breathless laugh escaped between parted lips and trailed fingers across ribs caused him to shiver under me. Tongues left wet lines, cool breath caused goose bumps. I was in no hurry as I moved farther south. His hands tugged on mine but I pushed them away.

          "You do not need-" his words stopped on a sudden intake of breath. He was heavy against my tongue as I pulled him into my mouth. A tentative hand found its way into my hair, fingers gripping at the strands close to my skull.

          The sound he made when I pulled him deep into my throat. There were no visions, just the sound of him breaking under my touch. His ragged breath, the way his fingers dug into the furs next to him, how his hand strained to push against my head but he held himself in check because he was Solas.

          He tasted like red wine, bitter and biting with a hint of berries at the back. Oh whatever divine creature was up in the night sky but I would never get enough of him. The way he groaned when I swallowed around him, the _ahh_ noise he made when spilled onto my tongue. The way he pulled me up and pinned me under him, his control close to snapping.

          One day I'd snap that magnificent control of his, and see what the Dread Wolf was like untethered and _wanting_. But not today.

          Solas inhaled deeply as he trailed his nose from my collar bone up to the curve of my neck. He nibbled on my ear, caressing the blunted tip. I skittered away but he held me there, pulling it into his mouth before kissing his way back down to my lips.

          "You will be the death of me." He whispered, "I do not deserve you."

          I laughed bitterly, "I would rather be the life of you."

          He was already hard again; I could feel him pressed against my leg. The length of him was delicious, and I arched into him, pressing up, angling it just right so he could slip in. It burned in just the right way, filling me up in the most basic sense of the word.

          His calloused hand pulled my leg up, his fingers gripping my thigh as he settled and waited for me to adjust. My hands were wandering, one clutching the back of his head, the other was buried in the muscles of his arm. They didn't stay there for long, when he gave a shallow thrust I pulled myself up to him, chest to chest, arms wrapped tightly around him.

          Somehow his fingers slipped between us and they found the bundle of nerves at my core. A gasp slid from me and I sank my teeth into his neck, marking him. Hands cradled me to him and suddenly I was not on the ground anymore, but straddling him. Those hands that held me shifted down to grip my thighs. He lifted slightly and then dropped me. I screamed in ecstasy, head dropping back, throat exposed.

          Solas took advantage, his mouth left a wet sloppy trail across the offered flesh. He lifted me again and once more dropped me.

          "Ride." He whispered against my skin. A shiver ran down my spine and muscle clenched. He groaned as I started to move on him. The sounds were obscene, fluids were plentiful. I was so fucking wet and it was everywhere.

          "Oh god, oh _fuck_." I whispered as he tilted his hips and hit that spot. The spot that brought the most delectable pain. That spot that sent a shockwave of pleasure through my body. That spot that made the edges of my vision blur. That spot that drove me to the edge. Again and again as I rode him, he hit that spot. I could feel him throbbing inside of me and it was so… it was so _right_.

          The wave that was cresting scared the shit out of me, it was intense. Everything around me, that touched me, that brushed against my sensitive skin drove me wild. The words that fell from his lips were foreign but from the tone of his voice I knew that he was whispering naughty things that were only spoken between lovers.

          When it hit every muscle in my body tensed and then relaxed in rapid succession. His fingers gripped me until the point of bruising. I screamed his name into the night.

          It was a long moment before I was able to move of my own free will. Sighing I slumped against him, giving myself up to him. I had been so scared but he stole everything about me. He stole my trust and my love. He took my hate and wiped away my anger. Through everything he was still here.

          "I would die a thousand deaths just to be with you again." I told him. His eyes went wide; his thumb came up to press against my lips.

          "You will not die," Solas vowed, "I will not allow it."

          I laughed and twisted until I lay on top of him, arms tucked securely under his chest. His fingers drew small circles and swirls against the skin of my back. His seed spilling from between my legs.

          In any world I had never felt so loved as I did when I was with this man. Be he god or wolf or elf, it didn't matter to me. His past mistakes couldn't be fixed but together we could lift the elves up, give them a home. I would be an eternal protector to this race. Because of Solas I would die for the elves, because he was so dedicated to sharing their history. Regardless of the fact that they didn't want it he still offered his aid, his knowledge, his healing abilities. He was kind, he was good.

          I hoped to hell he saw it, because I didn't know how to show him other than to give him every part of me.

 

Skyhold was shaping up to be a fortress. Cullen and his men worked tirelessly. Leliana had contacts within the Carta and she found a master stone smith who could fix this place, and he was doing just that.

          Vivienne's connection to the Orlesian Court was our saving grace. Because of her our coffers were overflowing. Support was carted in day after day. Men were signing up and Cullen was sending men and women in my direction to see if they would fit in my group.

          I sent them to Tomen and Emma. Tomen was in charge when I was not around. My Lieutenant. His kid was nothing short of adorable and his wife was absolutely the kindest woman I'd ever met. Tomen was a very lucky man.

          "I'm glad you're back." Tomen grunted at me, "Amara has learned to play with fire and I'm afraid she might burn Skyhold to the ground."

          I laughed, "I'll speak with her about _when_ to use magic."

          "Good." Another grunt. "I have a list of potential recruits, but it is up to you ultimately."

          I scanned the list and picked four names at random. "Marcus, David…" I scanned it looking for the other two, "Marie and Susana. Have them run the exercise I gave you."

          "The rope climbing?" Tomen asked with a glint in his eyes, "How long?"

          "As long as you deem necessary, if these four don't pan out pull in the others. Anyone who won't continue with it is gone. After take them to the tavern and see if they have loose tongues when drunk. If they do they're gone."

          Tomen nodded and snapped a salute.

          I waved a hand, "Tomen you've heard my sissy scream, there is no need to salute."

          A hand connected to my back, "You're a good woman." Tomen stated bluntly. "What do you plan on doing next?"

          "I am to be a distraction at Halamshiral." I gave him a feral smile, "It should be _just_ like High School again."

          "High skool?" He asked, "What… what is that?"

          "A terrible punishment for teenagers." Tomen gave me a strange look but nodded.

          "Do you need anything further from me?"

          "No," I clapped his shoulder. "Do this and then spend time with your family. We walk a dangerous rode and I often find trouble Tomen. Hold them close."

          "You speak as if you seek to die." Tomen was quiet.

          "Don't worry," I whispered back to him, "I will defend your life with my own. You have people waiting for you."

          "So do you." He looked past me and I followed his gaze. Solas was conversing with a nervous Cole. Cole kept flashing me looks and shaking his head at Solas. Strange. "You need not die for this cause."

          "But I am willing too." I gave him a sad smile, "To save this world I would die if I had to. Tomen… Tomen if you want to switch teams remember you are here willingly. I will not hold you to a vow you do not want to fulfill. I will absolve you of it if you desire."

          "No," he shook his head twice, "My wife would never forgive me. She believes that you are truly the Anointed. To step away from you would be among the highest of sins."

          I sighed, "Alright, if that is what you believe I cannot…. Tomen I am nothing more than an elf with the power to help. I am not the Hand of the Maker. I am not Andrastian. You know this."

          "I do," Tomen assured, "but I also know that you are bat shit crazy and you need someone to watch your back. That man of yours watches a little too closely, so I will be there to protect the others when he is shielding you."

          "Good man." I held out a hand and he clasped it. "It is a pleasure to have you along with me, you bastard."

          He blinked.

          "Tomen we have reached the point in our relationship where we can call each other names. You can call me a faithless knife ear and I will call you a back water heathen who humps halla."

          Tomen threw his head back and laughed. "I thought racial slurs were a no."

          "You can call me whatever you want, cause we're friends." I winked at him, "Now… does anyone have eyes on Amara?"

          Emma glanced up from her book and spoke up. I hadn't even realized she was there. "Dorian does, she should be in the library with him."

          "That is a horrible place to practice fire." My eyes went wide, "I… I'll just go check on them."

          I slipped away from them and out of the Barracks that had been assigned to my upcoming troops. Cole flashed in front of me causing me to jerk to a halt. I heard Solas behind us calling out his name.

          "He needs to know." Cole whispered to me, "It will help, it will change everything. You are _real_ and so they will be too."

          I grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to the side so I could keep Solas in my sight. He was walking toward us with his hands behind his back. I needed to speak quickly and quietly.

          "Cole he cannot know."

          " _Pain, sheltered. Locked away in a gilded cage, it would kill me. Please not again_." Cole shook his head, "He wouldn't do that."

          "He can't know." I told Cole again, "Once we've dealt with Corypheus I will but… not until then. Can you keep my secret?"

          "Too many secrets to keep," Cole shook his head. "He hurts, an old pain from before. This would help him."

          "I know Cole, but please."

          Cole's face pinched and he disappeared. Solas arrived moments later. The only thing that possibly saved me from him hearing our conversation was we were in the middle of the court yard. Horses and troops were everywhere, their voice creating a loud rumble that stopped sound from traveling very far.

          " _Arasha_." Solas smiled and pulled me against him, "Cole seemed distressed about something, did he speak of anything with you?"

          I plastered a smile on my face and shook my head, "Cole was just being Cole. He wanted to travel with me to get the delicate sweet cakes that the Orlesians have so often."

          Solas gave a chuckle, "They are rather delicious."

          I smacked a hand to his chest, "Holy shit I forgot until just now!" I gave him a real smile, "I got your replacement shirt. It is in the room along with a few other things. Or it should be." My brow wrinkled. "Haven't had the time to pop in and see."

          "Shall we take dinner in our room?" Solas asked quietly.

          "That would be amazing." I stood on tip toes and pressed against his warm lips, "I have to check on the kid and Ellana and the others should be getting here soon." He stepped back from me though he planted a kiss on my forehead.

          "Do not forget that Leliana would like to speak with you."

          My gaze snapped to his, "I didn't know she wanted to speak to me. Who told you?"

          "A runner," Solas looked mildly surprised. "He seemed to believe she has news in regards to Omar and his employer."

          Blood dripped from between my fingertips. Pain crawled up my arm and I glanced down at it. It was only through sheer determination that I forced my hands open and looked at the little crescent moons that were embedded into my palms. Blood ran in a steady trail, the small wounds were deep and would most likely leave a scar. Scarring on the palms of the hand and bottom of the foot were difficult to get, you had to go passed the deepest layer of skin and down into the muscle.

          Solas sighed and took my hand gently in his. More pain crawled up my arm as he knitted the flesh back together.

          "Would you prefer if I spoke with Leliana?"

          "No." My word was harsh, "This is something I must do."

          I spun away from him and marched up the stairs into the main hall. As I entered the rotunda my mind went to a cold place, a detached place. Leliana would give me the information and then I would be gone. Gypsy and Bread would be the only ones to accompany me, no one else needed to see me like this.

          The rotunda had a mural on it, how Solas managed to accomplish anything I'd never know. We were very rarely here and yet he depicted so much, the fall of Haven and several other things were sketched out. On a desk in the center of the room he had one of the shards made from the Tranquil.

          I didn't really see anything though, I was up the stairs. Dorian called to me, Amara shrieking in joy. A small body slammed into me and I wrapped an arm around her, numbly pressed a kiss to her forehead.

          "Continue your lessons." I muttered, "I have something important to attend."

          Dorian gave me a look, "Luna? Is everything alright?"

          I didn't answer just continued up the stairs to the rookery.

          When I got there the birds went wild, squawking at me and flapping their wings. One scout was writing out a report at Leliana's desk. He looked familiar but I was past faces or name right now.

          "Where is she?" Keeping my anger in check was taking all I had, my control was paper thin and I _wanted_ the Employer's name so bad I could taste it.

          When the scout looked at me he blanched and stuttered out, "The dungeon."

          "Where is that?"

          "Courtyard, west side, there is a door next to the kitchens."

          "Thank you."

          A hand on the railing propelled me over and I fell through open space. With a wave of my hand a barrier rippled over my skin, tight and running just over the surface of my body. When I hit the ground I felt nothing, the barrier absorbing the impact. I stood and walked out the rotunda, not hearing the comments behind me.

          The dungeon was easy to find, the scout gave good enough directions and the look on my face discouraged people from approaching me. Cassandra called my name, a tint of an apology on the tip of her tongue. I didn't face her, if I did I might do something stupid.

          Instead I drop kicked the door open and walked into the dungeons. Part of them were crumbling. A drop off of several hundred feet stood to one side, there were obvious signs that it was being repaired, but I thought they should leave a small opening. Just to toss people out, or dispose of dead bodies.

          Leliana waited for me. Omar huddling in a corner, his clothes ragged and torn. It was impossible to determine individual colors. The smell in this room was revolting and I wanted to throw him bodily out of this room. I never wanted him in my presence again, but I wanted that name more.

          "Well?" I all but growled at Leliana. Her gaze was fixed on Omar.

          "Tell her." Leliana demanded.

          Omar looked between the two of us and he started to crawl toward me. Biotics sparked around my fingers and Leliana put a restraining hand on my arm.

          "Do not." Leliana warned, "Tell her from there."

          I got to see him without his mask, and I wished to fucking hell that he was an ugly cuss. That he had a deformed mouth and an eye that looked off to one side while they bulged from his face. No such luck. His eyes were the color of warm chocolate and his hair, while dirty, was the color of fresh wheat. If he hadn't been so perverse the women would have thrown themselves at him. High cheek bones and a strong jaw.

          I hated every inch of him from the very depths of my soul. He truly reminded me of Jack. Not in the way he looked, no they looked nothing alike, but in his mannerism, the way he had moved. How he preyed upon those that could not defend themselves. I hated that he made me feel like I was incapable of stopping him.

          Leliana leaned forward and Omar skittered back, a wary look in his eyes. I saw no obvious signs of torture on him. Maybe they starved him, or deprived him of water. Perhaps they used magic to run electricity just under his flesh. Either way what had been done to him… I didn't care. I shouldn't care.

          But I did. No one should suffer as I suffered. I didn't want Omar to be treated this way, I just wanted him dead. Torture was wrong on all levels, but I wanted the name so badly… I was a monster for condoning this, but I would own it. This would be on my mind every day until I died a true death and I was not sure if that was even something that was in my future.

          "Tell me!" I screamed, "Just tell me, you owe me that much!" My biotics lashed out and a large stone tumbled into open space.

          "Livius Erimond." He whimpered at me, "Please, please tell them to stop." Omar stretched a hand toward me. "Please?"

          I took a step back from him and shook my head, "I will not decide what to do with you, I will leave that to the Inquisitor."

          "Please!" He shrieked at me.

          I couldn't pass judgement. I was too close to the situation, everything inside of me was screaming at me to tell Leliana to have him drawn and quartered. That was something that hadn't been done since the 1700s on Earth. No, I would wash my hands of Omar and go after this… Erimond.

          It was strange, to me, that word of my capabilities had spread so far and wide. Didn't matter though. I was going to find this Erimond and he and I were going to have a conversation that wasn't going to be very civil.

          I found myself in my room. The shower called to me like a siren to a sailor. A trail of clothing followed behind me as I made my way toward the bathroom. The water was cold at first but I stood under it and waited. My white tresses falling around me, it had grown long in recent months. It seemed like a lifetime since Haven.

          Time for another change. This time though I'd find someone capable of cutting hair instead of butchering it on my own.

          As the water warmed I scrubbed, with a coarse cloth until I felt like I was about to bleed. Every inch of me was pink, either from the roughness that I'd put my skin through or the temperature of the water. I scrubbed long past anything being able to linger on my skin, still I could feel Omar's touch on me and I hated it.

          Once I was satisfied that I couldn't get any cleaner I stepped out of the shower and started to dress. Clothes were packed tightly into a bag. It was then that I came across the purchases I had made for Solas. They'd been transported back to Skyhold along with all of Amara's new clothes and our mattresses.

          Speaking of, yes I was looking forward to sleeping on a _cloud_ because that is what it felt like. I hadn't had the opportunity yet and I was beginning to wonder if I would ever be able to sleep on the plushy goodness.

          With a growled sigh I left the mouthwatering mattress behind—Solas' gifts lying on the bed where he couldn't miss it—and moved toward the door. It bounced open and smacked into the wall. The resulting boom was muffled by the sound of the waterfall behind me. Solas stood between me and the hallway, his eyes colored a special shade of angry.

          "Were you even going to say goodbye?" He asked, his eyes darting down to take in the bag over my shoulder.

          "It is better this way." I stated, "No one else need get hurt, I'll take care of it and be back before-"

          "Do you even know where he is?" Solas demanded, "Or an idea of where to start? You are running off, leaving the resources of the Inquisition behind. If not them, who else would help you track down a man in all of Thedas? He could be anywhere."

          My hands fisted tightly but I restrained enough so I didn't hurt myself again. "I can't just sit around and _wait_ for him to find me again. I won't be taken."

          "Nor will I allow it. But tell me, what do you know of him _other_ than his name?" Solas took a step forward and closed the distance between us. His hand came up, harsh fingers gripped my chin and forced me to look at him, "Let Leliana locate him for you, do not rush blindly into this."

          I ripped free of his hold and screamed wordlessly. Spinning I flung my bag across the room and watched as it knocked over a small table. Papers and a candle scattered all over the floor. Slowly I dropped to my knees and cried with my hands in my face.

          Solas and his fucking logic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah... names. One more sin for that wretched man to carry.


	39. Tag You're It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. Curls tangled around my long fingers and a half growl formed. "I don't know what I am, but she… she…." Fingers clenched at the strands and I bowed over, a wave of nausea slammed into me and I covered my mouth with a hand. I shoved Cullen away from me and used the wall as support.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter is here!
> 
> I want to thank everyone for the comments and kudos, they are amazing. Also I want to thank Kali_Maa for volunteering to beta this story.

Chapter 39

 

" _Aanndd…_ One two three, one two three, one two three." Josephine spoke over a minstrel that played a harp softly in the back ground, her hands clapping in time to the beat. Dorian smiled down at me as we glided across the floor.

          Ellana and Cullen were not fairing as well as we two.

          "They look rather fetching together don't they?" Dorian asked as he spun me in an elegant circle, "Not as good as we do, of course."

          "Naturally." I laughed, wincing when Josephine yelled at the other couple again. Well… yelled was a strong term.

          "Lady Inquisitor, you are supposed to _rise_ with the dance, not take on the appearance of a board!" She sighed in frustration.

          "Should we… take pity on them?" I asked. Dorian's hand pulled me to a halt and I was standing back to front with his chin perched on the crown of my head.

          "Only if I get to dance with the Commander." Dorian simpered, "Ferelden certainly does have attractive men, for all the bumpkin attitudes."

          "You are telling me." I whispered as I slipped out of his hold and walked toward the struggling couple. They paused when I approached them and Josephine let out a frustrated noise, "May I cut in?"

          Ellana nodded gratefully but when I gathered up her hands and we spun off she looked utterly surprised. She tugged and pulled, trying to turn the dance to what she wanted. It was a jumbled mess and she stepped on my foot.

          "Ow." I smiled at her, "You are too stiff! Lighten up, the man usually leads this dance."

          "You are a woman." She defended.

          "Playing a man so that you will learn the dance properly."

          "How do _you_ of all people know this dance?"

          I blinked at her, "It is the waltz, hon, everyone knows the waltz."

          "You aren't even from here!" Ellana complained as she once again wrested control from me and our feet collided.

          "I danced this in my living-room on the days I was lucky enough to be home alone." I whispered as her, "Take off your shoes this is… infuriating and my feet will be bloody by the end."

          Ellana gratefully kicked off her shoes, "This is a dance from…. You called it Earth?"

          "Yes," I nodded at her, more or less looking her in the eye now, "one of many dances."

          When our hands meshed together again I ripped her in close and wrapped a hand around her lower back, pulling her snuggly against me. Her eyes went wide and I resisted my giggle urge. Josephine let out another noise but this one sounded like horror in the background.

          "One," I took a step forward, forcing her to step back. "Two." To the side. "Three." To the back. I repeated this until she relaxed into it and followed me. "Okay, now when I do _this_ …" I took a step forward and went onto my toes, "rise with me, and on the next we fall."

          Ellana and I spun around room; it didn't seem to have a name. Like the Undercroft, or the Rotunda. It was… just a room, and from what I can tell it was just a room located right under Josephine's office and almost adjacent to the war room.

          "Better." I smiled and released her, stepping back, "Now… let _Cullen_ lead."

          Dorian appeared at my elbow and swooped me up into a dance.

          Josephine clapped happily, "Much, much better Inquisitor."

          "Did you enjoy yourself?"

          "No so nearly as much as you," Dorian looked down at me again, "Rather personal, don't tell me you like women too?" Dorian's eyes twinkled in merriment.

          "And why not?" I countered, "They have natural pillows, men are all hard angles and difficult to lay on… but women? Oh they are born to snuggle."

          "I rather like the hardness." Dorian's eyes glinted with a wicked light. I snorted into his shoulder and the music switched.

          "Do you know this dance?"

          "I don't need to with you leading." I simpered at him as he spun us into a more complex set of moves.

          The dancing lessons continued this way for a while, Ellana improved vastly once she realized that Cullen was supposed to be leading her, but Cullen was… well he was twitterpated with the woman so it was a constant stepping on toes and almost breaking their necks until Vivienne walked in with a tut and switched the pairs up.

          Dorian did not get to dance with Cullen again, much to his disapproval. But Ellana was fairing just as well with him as she had been with Cullen. Probably better now that Cullen wasn't mooning over her and not paying attention to the steps.

          "Why Commander I do believe you are blushing." I drawled as he fumbled at my side. In Thedas there was no _waist_ holding, it was all side. To me it was impersonal but it was better than the hands hovering and _no_ touching at all.

          "Don't make me lose count." He muttered at me, feet squarely on the floor as we moved around the room like we were made of stone. "Maker's breath they don't actually expect me to dance do they?"

          "You are handsome; no telling _how_ many Orlesian women will take a fancy to you." I batted my eyelashes at him and giggled.

          "Stop mocking me," he half growled with no heat. "I thought you were a soldier."

          "I was, but you—as we have covered in the past—are not my commanding officer." I winced as he squeezed my hand, "Not so hard!"

          He flushed again, "Sorry, I hate dancing."

          "Well, I honestly don't blame you." I mumbled and then I took pity on him. "Look… truce for the next five minutes." I spun to the outside of him before stepping back in line with his movements, "Orlesian women will give back handed complements, something like… how you look so handsome for a Feralden, or how your hair is better groomed than theirs. Silly things, don't take them personal and _don't_ let them know they are bothering you. You are attractive for _any_ man and that stupid scar on your lip adds allure that most would stab a baby for."

          Cullen blinked at me for several moments before muttering a quiet "thank you." His hands gentled and his movements relaxed slightly.

          "Next, don't let any of those ninnies talk you into dancing; believe it or not mysterious men are far more attractive to a larger number of women. They like to be kept guessing, there is no fun plotting out the next twenty steps and being correct on every one, it will drive them mad." He gave me a funny look, "And it will look better on the Inquisition if we aren't transparent with them. They are crazy bitches who will derive even the smallest bit of information from a look, let alone how you dance. Don't answer questions about lineages, for all they know you are the bastard son of a noble, and let them think what they will. Better they be wrong than have ammunition to use against the Inquisition. Being an Advisor to the Inquisitor and in charge of the Inquisition's armies they _will_ try to get into your pants. I suggest you be firm while being kind, don't take food or drink from any of them and _do not_ insult one of them, believe you me that is the worst thing you could possibly do. At least… don't insult them like a _man_ , okay?"

          "Maker, this is going to be dreadful isn't it?"

          "Absolutely," I intoned dutifully. I didn't even want to _be_ there anymore but I _had_ to go. Leliana assured me of that. The Queen had asked specific questions about me, not showing up would look poorly upon the Inquisition. "Also, don't be baited into sharing information about Ellana, she is—as far as they are concerned—the Herald of Andraste. They know she is Dalish but do not tell them how she wanders the wilds without shoes or how she eats certain dishes with her fingers. It is a cultural thing and while it endears the Inquisitor to everyone here it will be fuel to them and they will use it to be cruel to her if they can, it will spare her unnecessary torment at their hands."

          "Where did you learn this?"

          "Teen girls are homicidal bitches on skates." I growled, "Part of the reason I am more partial to _men_ than women in all things." I sighed, "Do you have any questions?"

          "How do I… give a 'backhanded compliment'?"

          "Oh… uh…" I thought for a moment, "So I'm white as snow, right?" Cullen nodded, "I guarantee one of them will make a comment like… 'how does an elf keep her skin so smooth?' or something about my eyes, possibly my ear—" fucking Omar gave them _more_ ammunition to use against me, the bastard, "or any number of things. Basically it _sounds_ nice at the time but later when you are thinking about the compliment it turns to ash in your mouth." A tight lipped smile stole over my face and I bobbed my head at him, "And now… for dress fittings."

          Cullen released my hands and I stepped back, "How do women remember all of this?"

          "Conditioning since birth basically. It is fucking stupid as hell and I hate it but there ya go." I kicked off a shoe, wondering _how_ in every place I'd been stupid fashion deigned that women wear tiny shoes with extremely high heels. I lost five inches. "And fucking _talk_ to Ellana before I have to kill Jim, yeah? I'm so damned tired of cock blocking him, he is hovering around every corner when you two are alone and so help me…." I pointed at him.

          "Jim?" Cullen asked, "Scout Jim? That Jim?"

          "Yes, that Jim." I pinched my nose, "Tomen pulled my attention to it, noticed that the same man was always around you two. Kiss her already Cullen, or someone else will."

          "Who?" Cullen asked suddenly, a fire blazing in his eyes.

          "Well, Jim possibly for one." I pointed at him. Tomen had been sure that Jim was after _Cullen_ not Ellana but… well men liked motivation.

          "Luna?" Josephine called out, "A moment?"

          I walked toward her, shoes in hand. The cool stone floor felt amazing against my burning feet. "Yes Ambassador?"

          "Has Leliana had a chance to speak with you about Celene?" Josephine was nervously picking at her nails.

          "Yes, told me that she was asking questions."

          "Excellent, I did not want there to be any surprises on your behalf." She gave me a pearly smile before she stepped back, "Please do not keep Madam Esme waiting, she was very difficult to get out here. She is the best seamstress in all of Orlais."

          I resisted the urge to mutter 'wonderful'. If she was the best there was no doubt in my mind that she would be loud and pushy and something that I did not want at the moment.

          "Have we scheduled a time for Amara?" I asked as I started away.

          "Amara?" I stopped and turned to look at Josephine, "I was not aware she would be acquiring a new dress."

          "She is going to the Winter Palace with us," I reminded, unsure if I _actually_ told anyone. "Too many of the inner circle is going for me to feel comfortable leaving her behind." Despite everything that had happened and _not_ happened in recent months I still remembered that the mages tried to reclaim her as theirs. The mages would remain behind because Ellana chose them as our allies, but they could not be taken to the ball. I would be damned thrice over before Amara was put in danger again because of my careless thinking.

          "Oh," Josephine nodded quickly and recovered, "of course, take her with you. I will work things out with Madame Esme."

 

Madame Esme was everything I predicted but somehow a delightful creature. She swathed me in several colors, pinning them in place while we worked through the different shades of the same three colors. Josephine demanded that we all be dressed in Inquisition colors, we must present a 'united front'. I agreed completely.

          "The child," Esme looked down at Amara, "would look best in crimson." She held up a bolt of cloth to demonstrate, "as would you. She is your ward?"

          "Yes," I nodded, refusing to move after I'd been ushered onto a small platform.

          "This war is needless," Esme tutted as she quickly took measurements and sent for a plate of cookies for my little terror. "Children should not be stripped from their parents so soon." She had a thick accent and it was difficult to understand, "It was very noble of you to take her in."

          "Wasn't much of a choice really." I smiled as Amara leaned her head against a wall and fell asleep. This morning's training session had not been kind to her, but she was shaping up quite nicely.

          "It is quite bold of you to declare she will attend this ball." Esme slid in a few more pins and shook her head, "Children do not go to such events."

          "Well I don't really follow expectations." I smiled at her and pushed my eye twitch to the back of my mind, "She has had a troubled time for one so young and I am reluctant to leave her behind in a near empty fortress."

          "Of course miss, I meant no disrespect. Empress Celene will most assuredly be accommodating." My dress was mostly made already. Josephine had secured a dress for each woman attending in the color Esme thought would fit us best. Indeed, mine was crimson. However… when she popped out with a corset I flat out refused.

          "Not wearing it." I pushed it away. I was not going to squish my baby.

          "Anointed," Esme gave me a small, patience smile, "this is of the highest fashion in Orlais; to show up without would not be wise."

          "Well… still not wearing it."

          "Clara," Esme called out. "Be a dear and fetch the Ambassador."

          Oh boy, this was going to be fun. Josephine was going to be shoved into the middle of something very horribly not her fault. I was not going to wear that corset. Someone was going to die if they tried to put it on me. Screw corsets, yes they helped with back problems, when used _properly_. However something told me that in these Ancient times—compared to my life on Earth—that Esme was going to use it to give me a smaller waist line.

          Which was something that was out of my foreseeable future. There was a baby growing in my stomach and there was no way in hell that I was going to put it on and smoosh the fetus inside of me. Poor thing was going to have a hard time growing as it was. This body was fucking tiny.

          Josephine brushed into the room, followed by Leliana who had a knowing look in her eye. I realized at that moment that the Spymaster _knew_ about my situation. We hadn't talked about it but she had been very… thorough with Omar. Omar knew because he had a Doula. I was so eternally fucked because _Leliana_ _knew I was pregnant_.

          And she had not said anything, she had not deterred me from my actions. How long had she known?

          "Anointed," Josephine started and my gaze snapped to hers. She paused for a moment, her eyes darting between mine. There was a second that she hesitated on the gold one and I lifted my brow in challenge. No one knew _why_ my eye changed, unless Leliana somehow got that information… "May we have a moment, Madame Esme?"

          Esme nodded stiffly and swept from the room, taking her girls with her. A servant hovered in the corner, Inquisition colors all but glaring at me. There was another tending the fire.

          God damn it, Leliana had to know why my eye changed. My eyes left Josephine, and darted around the room. I started to look back on every second that I'd been in Skyhold since my eyes changed. Had Leliana placed extra guards on me? Omar must have told her about my personality switches. Omar was not stupid; a man like him could not afford to be stupid.

          No, Leliana knew everything. It was just her. She immersed herself into her work until the point of collapse. Leliana was not the tender hearted bard that she had been once upon a time in Origins. No… somehow, somewhere along the way, Leliana had been changed. I had seen this in Haven, how she handled her people. How Ellana convinced her not to kill a traitor because the Inquisition was better than that. Because _Leliana_ was better than that.

          "Josephine," I acknowledged, but my eyes were on Leliana. Someone in this room was set here to watch me. I couldn't peruse them _now_ , but I had to keep a closer eye on Amara. Leliana was almost vindictive and I would not put it past her to use Amara as a weapon or hostage against me.

          "The corset is part of the dress," Josephine started, "it will be expected of you to wear it."

          "I will not." I intoned at her, "It is not necessary for me to wear it, they are uncomfortable and it could have negative consequences for me on a physical level. Trust me when I say you do not want this to happen." I lifted a hand and pointed at her.

          "She's pregnant Josie." Leliana sighed and shook her head. I hadn't expected her to confirm she knew so quickly or easily, "We do not have the proper corset for her to wear, it is understandable that she would not wear one."

          "Pregnant?" Josephine all but squeaked at me, "How?"

          "Well when two people love each other-"

          "Luna!" Leliana chided, "Do not patronize Josephine."

          "I'm sorry," I snapped at her, "I was under the impression that I am here to _help_ not be under constant scrutiny. How long?"

          Leliana glared at me, "How long what?"

          A challenge. Would I be cowed like I had been with Solas?

          "How long did you know about the extra soul?" Apparently not. Josephine's eyes went wide and a hand covered her mouth. Leliana went rigid and her gaze turned to ice.

          "So it is true, you are an abomination."

          "No, actually I'm not." I snarked, "If I was I wouldn't have last this long under god damned _Templars_. She's gone, by the way."

          "Is there anything else you wish to share with me?" Leliana took a step forward. It was a menacing step. One meant to force the truth from me.

          "What, no truth stone?" My arms swept out to the side. Some dress fitting this was.

          "Perhaps we should get the Commander and the Inquisitor." Josephine stated as she backed out of the room, "It seems that we… have been kept out of the loop on certain subjects."

          As soon as Josephine was out of the room I turned my glare on the servants. "Which one is yours?"

          "Not those two." Leliana assured but her voice sounded coated in honey. This was quickly devolving into a ticking time bomb. "Why did you not tell me of the soul inside of you?"

          "Because of your reaction!" I flung a hand out to the side. I'm sure it would have been more impressive if I was fully dressed. "All of you are afraid of possession but I am not possessed, I am… different that's for damned sure but I am me."

          "How can I guarantee that fact?" Leliana countered, "You keep so many secrets for a woman that cannot be subtle in anything."

          "Well, you didn't ask."

          We stood almost toe to toe and it was uncomfortable for me to look up at the red headed woman. "I shouldn't have to." Leliana growled, "You were in my employment."

          "And I did everything you ever asked. I took out the crow cell, I fetched the mages, I watched Solas. I snuck around in your name. I kept Ellana safe and brought her back when no one else would have. I have done so much more than you'd ever believe and yet I am always under scrutiny. Can you not simply take my _word_ that I am Luna."

          "Who else have you been?" Leliana posed suddenly and I blinked at her. "You've given names before, cried them in your sleep."

          "You're watching me sleep?!" My hands clenched at my sides. "How fucking dare you!"

          "How else am I to get information about you?" Leliana snapped, "You are closed off, allowing no one close to you."

          Amara sat up and rubbed her eyes, "Luna?" Her voice was small and full of sleep. She covered a yawn with her hand and blinked at me, "Why are you arguing?"

          "Oh sweets…" I murmured, "'Mere." I held out my hand and she walked toward me with trust, "How much have you heard?"

          Amara looked between me and Leliana, "She's mad because you keep secrets. She is the spymaster and it is her job to find secrets. You should do better at hiding them."

          I laughed and nodded, "Indeed." My hand patted the top of her head. Her long curls were askew. So observant my little one was. "Go to the courtyard, I will be there shortly."

          "Promise?" Her little hand tugged on the edges of the cloth that I was wrapped up in, eyes fixed on Leliana.

          "Yes." I placed a hand on her back and gave her a gentle push, "I will be there."

          "'kay!" She pranced off and out the door. That kid deserved better than me. But she was stuck with me because if anyone tried to take her… well it wouldn't go well for them.

          Leliana sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, "She is gone?"

          "Yes." I stated, _and now I have magic_. It was on the tip of my tongue but I couldn't say anything. Secrets, always secrets. People don't just magically get magic. It was something they were born with. It wasn't something that I could gain by exposure, the only reason I had it was because I was different and I absorbed Ms. Flame.

          Since that day there had been no whispers, no darkness lurking in the back of my mind promising that Solas was hers. There was no whisper that she was going to take my place, or that she had all the answers. No there was just memories and knowledge of healing.

          Times of Arlathan drifted through my mind, the crystal spires twining through the branches, how everything seemed to thrive. How the very earth under her feet moved with her passing, lending her speed and strength. The eyes of her children as she…

          God she truly was insane.

          I focused on the dresses in front of me, one hand pressed firmly against the little bump at the base of my stomach. The only indication that I was with child, easily hidden by loose shirts and pants.

          "Whose is the baby?" Leliana looked at me, "Or do you not know?"

          "I don't even know how far along I am," I sighed and picked out a dress that was like liquid smoke. It was beautiful and made of silk, with a shimmery cloth over it. It hung in ripples, cascading down like water. This dress did not require a corset, it was simple no additional adornments or anything of that sort. I wanted this one. The sleeves were billowy and only covered a portion of the arms.

          From just looking at it I knew it would cling to all the right places.

          I laid it on the bed and turned to look at Leliana. "I'm so tired Leliana, I am always proving myself to the people here. I've pushed myself to the edge of exhaustion and beyond so that this—" I wave a hand to generalize the Inquisition "—would not fail. I have given more to this world than I gave my own. I would die to save this world, which is more than I would have done for mine or for Jane Shepard's." I looked at Leliana, really looked at her, "This is my home, for good or for ill and some mad man thinks he can come in and upset the board game. Knocking over the pieces and reaching for power he does not understand nor deserve. Either accept me as I am, or don't. You have seen a _fraction_ of my power. People of my caliber were coveted as human weapons. I've told you I could rip through bulk heads."

          "Yes," Leliana sighed, "and yet I do not even know what those are."

          "At night, do you look up at the stars?" I asked, my gaze turning to the roof. "To you they are just tiny specks of light, but they are billions of miles away from us and each other. Most of those stars are like the one this planet moves around, they have their own planets hurtling through space, and if I had a ship I could travel between them and explore as I once did."

          "We _have_ ships." Leliana stated, "Why not use those?"

          "Because the ships you have would not hold up in space. Space is not the sea. On this planet you have an atmosphere. In space? It is… a vacuum. Devoid of air, molecules spread so far apart that you could not breathe. Using your ships you would suffocate and freeze, eyes popping out of your sockets because there is nothing to hold them in. The ships I traveled in were made of metal and completely sealed against the void of space. When I say bulk heads I am talking pure metal, forged to remove all impurities, which hold everything in place. I can shred them with little thought. There is no containing me."

          Leliana was silent and I spun to look at her.

          "I am a tool, a figure head but I will determine how I am used and when. The veil must not fall, it cannot. The backlash of such a thing would send magic coursing through every person on this world. I will do anything."

          "How did that soul come to reside in you?" Leliana asked, her hand hovering over the dress on the bed.

          "I have no idea. She appeared one night. I think that when I entered this world she was close by and saw a body without a soul and we inhabited it at the same time. I have no other explanation. She said that this body was meant for her, and for a long time I was afraid that I displaced her, took over. But I didn't. She was _old_ Leliana, she—like Corypheus—reached for something she could not have. She was strong and full of madness but I overcame her." I glared at my fingers, the nails still not covering the tips. "I've told you, time and again that I am on your side. I'm tired of defending myself."

          Josephine walked into the room, Ellana and Cullen on her heels. "Good to see that you two are not at each other's throats." Ellana chirped. "What's this about possession?"

          Cullen was glaring at me, "I should have known."

          "I'm so fucking done." I sighed and made to walk past them. Cullen's arm shot out and he pushed me back. Smite washed over me, pushing back my magic. Too bad that it was a new addition and I was so used to it not being there. My eyes drifted to his and I smiled at him, "Oh Cullen, sweet, _sweet_ Cullen. You cannot take me, I am not an abomination. I am the only one inside this body. I ate the other inhabitant."

          Cullen frowned, "Impossible."

          "It was an elf soul inside of me." I patted his face a little too hard.

          "Luna you aren't making sense." Ellana put a hesitant hand on my shoulder, "How did you eat her?"

          I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. Curls tangled around my long fingers and a half growl formed. "I don't _know_ what I am, but she… she…." Fingers clenched at the strands and I bowed over, a wave of nausea slammed into me and I covered my mouth with a hand. I shoved Cullen away from me and used the wall as support.

          Fuck my life.

          It was seconds before it passed and I felt a surge of something inside of me. It was strong and as it washed through me I stood straight and glared at those in charge of Inquisition.

          "Either get out of my way or try to throw me in jail." I pointed at Cullen, "I'm sick of this 'is Luna on our side' bullshit. So tired of proving myself, pick, _now_."

          Cullen clenched his jaw and his eyes darted to Ellana. My gaze followed his and I watched the young elf come to a conclusion.

          "You came to save me when no one else did. Why would you do that if you weren't on my side?" Ellana stated calmly. She looked at her three advisors. "As of _right_ now there will be no more questioning Luna's loyalties. She is with us, she has been honest with us, told us of her past lives. We all have our secrets, things we don't talk about. Let Luna have hers." 

          "Inquisitor it isn't safe-" Cullen started but Ellana silenced him with a look.

          "You three chose to make me the leader. I did not ask for it and I did not want it. I shouldered this burden to shield the world, I am an elf standing for all of Thedas and Luna is standing next to me. The people have raised her up just as they raised me up. All of us in this room _know_ the truth. Neither Luna nor I are figures out of legend, we are just two women with the power to change the world. I chose to change it for the better as did Luna. She will no longer be questioned. Luna is with me and she is my Second."

          "Woah!" I held up a hand, "Don't do that, I don't want the Inquisition if something happens to you."

          "Well…" Ellana gave me a smile, "don't let me die then."

          I sighed and stepped past Cullen who glared at me the whole way, "Be a darling and tell Madame Esme the dress on the bed is the one for me, have it tailored to my measurements."

          It was time to spend a little bit of time with Amara. The kid was always dragged around behind me for her own safety. She was learning how to fight, learning magic from Dorian and… I suspect that Solas was teaching her as well though I had no proof. After our little disagreement in Val Royeaux Solas had been spending more time with Amara.

          It was cute, in all honesty, but I wondered what kind of information he was sharing with the kid. I supported mages whole heartedly, and I was even one now, but I knew magic could be seductive and dangerous. Amara was only seven.

 

"Tag!" Amara screamed as she slapped a hand to my back. I let out an outraged gasp and spun to watch her sprint away from me, her curls bouncing as she clambered up the side of the wall.

          I darted after her, Cole was somewhere nearby. He wanted to play with us and when he touched a single finger to Amara's shoulder and cried _tag_ he cheated and disappeared.

          Amara and I ran all over Skyhold, interrupting important meetings. We got Dalish in on it and when I smacked Krem one of his brows rose in challenge and he dashed off after his team mate.

          Sera came belting out of nowhere and tackled me, "Nointy's it!" She shoved my face into the ground as she propelled off of me. There were no tag backs.

          I rose to my feet and watched as everyone scattered away from me, laughing in delight. We raced through the courtyard and along the curtain walls. I smacked into Ellana and when she righted me her eyes went wide.

          "Are you alright?" She asked, noting my heavy breathing.

          "Perfectly fine," I smiled as I huffed, "by the way, you're it."

          I scrambled away from her and her sigh but she darted toward Sera who let out a shriek. Krem, who was nearby, laughed while he propped himself up against a wall. Ellana switched directions at the last minute and tagged him.

          Dalish laughed at him, propping herself up on Sera. The younger elf sacrificed Dalish so she could get away. Amara came rushing in out of nowhere and Krem managed to tag her. Her chocolate eyes turned in my direction and I shook my head at her.

          She bolted toward me, starting another round of corner Luna.

          We continued for hours until Amara collapsed and the sun was starting to set. I gathered her up in my arms and gave her a hug.

          "I love you kid."

          "Love you too," she mumbled sleepily, "mom."

          My heart froze at that word and my hands tightened around her. I clenched her to me as I walked her back to her room. I'd have food sent up to her in the morning. She was so tired that she fell asleep before I even made it to her room. I tucked her into her bed before backing out of the room.

          "Shit."

          Here I was, freaking out about becoming a mom but I already was one. I just hadn't seen it. Amara was the daughter of my soul.

          " _The world spins, dashing hurting hoping. Jack walks across the room, please no more. Everything shifts and you aren't her anymore, someone new, someone strong._ " Cole appeared next to me and I watched him. Cole knew, Leliana knew, Josephine knew. Who else knew? " _Worry courses through unchecked, how can I do this on my own?_ " He looked at me, "You aren't alone though. You have us."

          "Oh Cole," I leaned into him and gave him a hug. Cole gave the best hugs. He was warm, his arms gentle but firm. "Sweetling to have power is to be alone." I half quoted, Tolkien was an amazing writer.

          "It doesn't have to be that way." Cole insisted, "Tell him, he will understand. It will change everything."

          "And that is exactly what I am afraid of." Honesty was hard sometimes. "It can't change yet Cole, Solas…. He has a protective streak a mile wide."

          "He suspects something," Cole shook his head. " _Sick all the time, elfroot and blood lotus isn't working. Try something different. Why won't she take them anymore?_ He sees everything and the walls speak to him. He will find out."

          "Please Cole," I lifted a hand and placed it on his shoulder. "Not yet."

          "He won't be angry," Cole promised. "He doesn't want to be alone, just like you."

          "I know," I nodded, "and that is what makes this so difficult. I can't, not yet. After… after I settle something I will tell him."

          Cole gave me a sad smile, "Killing him will not change what happened to you."

          "Nope, but it will make me feel better."

 


	40. Masks and Trophies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Anointed?" Someone asked from behind me, I spun to look at the new comer. "I have so desired to meet you." He held out his hand and I delicately placed the one not attached to Gypsy into his. Slowly he brought it up and the feel of his lips against my bare skin was enough to make my skin crawl. I may have removed my fingers a tad too quickly from his grasp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Morning people! I hope you are enjoying your weekend! I bring to you another chapter! Thank you again to Kali_Maa for being an awesome Beta and going over the chapter!

Halamshiral. Home to Elves, the end of the journey. A long one that the elves endured so they could one day have a home to call their own. Only to have the humans claim it for themselves in an Exalted March. I can't blame the elves for hating humans, not with the way they were treated.

          Solas looked around as we rode through the city. Amara had been gifted a small pony of her own so she no longer had to ride with someone. Vivienne was behind me and slightly to my left. Dorian and the Iron Bull were sharing looks and if I wasn't mistaken Dorian was walking with a slight limp. When I broached the subject Dorian gave me a withering look and told me to leave it. I did.

          Along with those four we also had Varric with us, he wanted to know why his books weren't selling so well in Orlais and deemed that he'd tag along. Cole and Sera opted to stay behind, Sera because she didn't do balls and Cole because well… he was Cole and the Inquisitor was worried that something might happen to him. Or that he would try to help and mess something up.

          Cassandra was here as well, she kept glancing at me and I knew she wanted to apologize for her actions. We had yet to have a moment alone where she could broach the subject. Honor was something very important to her and admitting she was wrong in front of a crowd? Not even something I'd do and I didn't give two shits about honor.

          Blackwall stayed behind with Sera. Hawke and her… husband were present though, as was Alistair. Ellana demanded that they come with, even if they did not attend the ball. Ellana wanted to continue west after we finished here and it only made sense that Hawke and Alistair be present because we needed them to locate the Gray Wardens. Zevran somehow managed to tag along as well. He was going to be one of the servants, keeping an eye out for Leliana.

          When we arrived at our destination a group of people swept out to greet us, ushering us into the mansion that we would be staying at until the day of the ball. It was tomorrow, leaving us with just one day to prepare.

          Josephine declared that it was not enough time for all of us to be groomed properly.

          That sent a shiver down my spine.

          What, exactly, did Josephine have planned?

 

The baths here were divine. Don't get me wrong, I missed my shower back at Skyhold, but this? It was glorious. The tub could easily fit three people and Thedas had bath bombs, no I did not know that until that very moment. I dropped one in and watched as it fizzed.

          The ball was in a couple hours and despite Josephine's determination no one was helping me get ready. I had plans, plans that would make me stand out so that Ellana could move through the crowd with ease and our friends would not be under scrutiny as they snuck through the room, rifling through desks and bookshelves and other things looking for answers. That was after all one of my main talents, the lack of subtlety. Might as well _attempt_ to draw attention to myself this time.

          We needed Orlais united, I preferred to keep the current Empress on the throne but Gaspard was a good alternative.

          And then there was Briala. She was more than she appeared. Leliana told me that Briala and Celene used to share a bed, but no longer. Briala was her 'handmaiden'. Not that I believed that for a second.

          The Civil War started here, when a popular elf took the wrap for a child. He was killed and the elves did not like this. Power struggle ensued and voila, war erupts across Orlais. The Empress only recently secured Halamshiral.

          I just hoped nobody died today.

          The razor felt warm in my hand, and I slowly ran it across my scalp, careful to follow the lines that I'd marked before. My hair, the shorter it got the more curls appeared. It was perfect. The sides of my head were shaved close to the scalp, leaving about a three-inch-wide line of hair that started at my forehead and went to the base of my scalp. I left the hair about six inches long and they formed loose waves, with a little encouragement I could pile it up high. Nothing says look at me like a Mohawk.

          Once the hair was finished, I pulled the makeup out, lining my eyes with coal and lips coated red. The dress was snug, fitting perfectly and once it was time to attend, I left my room to check on Amara.

          Amara was in a crimson dress that flared at the waist. Her hair pinned up, her normal wild curls tamed into elegant loops. She clapped at the sight of me and spun in a circle, her skirt flared out.

          "Amara," I crouched in front of her, the slit in the side of the dress making it possible. "I want you to stay near Leliana tonight, understand?"

          "Yes," she nodded sharply. "Will I get to dance?"

          "Perhaps we can get Uncle Dorian—" Amara started calling him that "—to dance with you."

          Amara squealed in delight. "Thank you for bringing me."

          I laughed and stood, hand held out. I _wanted_ to attend with Solas at my side but he refused, stating that he would be better off in the hallways where he could pretend to be a servant.

          _That_ rubbed me the wrong way.

          "You ready?"

          "Darling," Vivienne spoke behind me, "women are _always_ ready."

          "I am to assume that we are leaving?"

          "The carriages await us outside. The Inquisitor sent me to fetch you and your ward."

          I almost corrected her with the word daughter, but I wasn't sure if Amara calling me mom was a result of her actually thinking of me as a mother or because she was exhausted and I was familiar.

          "Then we shall go. I just need one more thing."

          In my time away from the Inquisition Ellana recruited a young dwarf that studied at the Mage's Circle. Yup, Ellana got Dagna who was bloody fucking _brilliant_ by the way and managed to make me a specific piece of jewelry. It was as simple as it was clever.

          Gypsy was not a fan but this was a power move. I stepped back into my room and whistled. Gypsy came trotting in front the balcony, collar loosely hanging around her neck. From the collar dangled a slim silver chain, think necklace thin. The chain itself had been charged with electricity so it was magnetic. The end of the chain attached to a ring that I was wearing, that had also been charged.

          The collar was more… decorative than it was restraining. If Gypsy wanted she could snap through it with ease, however having her on a chain would send a message to the nobles and I would be hard to ignore with a massive wolf following me around.

          When had Gypsy gotten so _large_? She easily towered over me when she stood on her hind legs. Her head came to my shoulder, teeth as long as my fingers. Brilliant green eyes watched me as I attached the chain to my ring. Gypsy tugged slightly and the chain parted.

          She approached and sniffed the ring before licking the back of my hand. I reattached the chain.

          "It is only for tonight girl, I promise." I then tugged on the collar and it fell off, her eyes following my motions, "At any point you can break free, but the nobles don't know that. You are my friend, not my pet."

          I don't think she understood the words, Gypsy was smart but… well I don't think she understood common and I prayed that she wouldn't because that would be difficult.

          The collar went back around her fur. Together we walked out of the door and went to face the music.

 

The gasps that Gypsy and I earned were intoxicating. As much as I didn't like being in the lime light—though that's _all_ I seemed to be doing lately—shocking nobles was oddly fun.

          Ellana had met with Gaspard, who agreed to take the Inquisition as a _plus one_. More like plus twelve. Amara looked at everything with her mouth open, utterly in awe of her surroundings.

          Vivienne and Ellana managed to find a ring for a noble woman, securing favor before even entering the palace proper. Once we were inside Ellana broke off to speak with the nobility present and Vivienne waited outside the doors to the ball room.

          "What am I expecting here?" I asked as I nudged Gypsy's head out of the way.

          "We will be introduced." Leliana explained, "Individually. Do not walk too quickly across the floor. After that we will mingle with the guests, try to secure more leverage on behalf of the Inquisition. Anything you overhear I want to know about."

          My gaze danced around the hall. Amara, true to her word, was sticking close to Leliana though she was floating rather close to Dorian who was a good second to keep an eye on her, as long as he wasn't off doing lord knows what around the castle grounds.

          I quickly took in the rest of our massive group. Bull was outfitted in crimson and gray, as were the rest of the men. Cullen pulled it off the best, and Solas had this stupid little hat with a gold adornment running down the side of his nose. No, I didn't understand it but it was some sort of ancient Tevinter hat and he was using it to snub the Orlesian's in some weird way.

          Despite the stupid hat my eyes were glued to him. Who knew that Solas could pull off the outfit that Josephine chose for the men. None of them—except for Dorian—seemed particularly interested in the design. But he was striking, it defined the lithe muscle that ran in tight ropes down his arms. The one downside was it hid how his shoulders were broader than his waist. Shame really.

          Cassandra was the only woman _not_ in a dress. She argued until she started making gestures that resembled someone fighting with a knife, everyone backed off then. She was dressed in the same ensemble as the men. It was not flattering but Cassandra looked lost without her sword and shield, it was almost too difficult to resist not to tease her.

          Almost. I had yet to forget that she _stabbed me_ because we had a disagreement in which I agreed with Varric. Nor was I likely to forget anytime soon. The woman had seemed to make her peace that we would not be friends. I would still fight at her side, because I—unlike her apparently—could forgo small details, but we would not be found bonding over a pint of chunky monkey.

          "How long until we are expected in the Ball Room?" I asked quietly as I drifted past Leliana slightly.

          "Bells will announce when we are required to attend." Leliana murmured and lifted two glasses of what looked like champagne off of a tray moving past us. "Where are you going?"

          I accepted the glass and took a small sip, "To mingle." I smiled at her, taking a step forward. Gypsy fell next to me, her head tucked down slightly and so close to my body that I could feel her fur brushing my skin.

          Slowly I flitted through the crowd, not really knowing the names of those surrounding me but fielding questions with a grace I hadn't felt ever in my life. Gypsy was a good conversation starter.

          "I found her at the Temple," I nodded at one Duke whose name I didn't bother to catch, "just a small pup looking for a home."

          "In the Temple of Sacred Ashes?" A woman to his left inquired, "Surely it was the will of the Maker she be at your side?"

          A small smile drifted across my face, "Truly an inspired concept." I bowed over her hand, pressing crimson into her white glove, "A pleasure my lady, do enjoy the dance."

          I moved in circles, waiting to hear the bells until I found a hallway where Solas was set up, leaning against a statue. I approached with a smile and held out my glass.

          "Be a dear and fetch a new one?" I asked kindly with a wink. His face almost pulled into a scowl but he covered it with ease.

          "As you wish, Anointed." He bowed low and disappeared into the crowd.

          "Anointed?" Someone asked from behind me, I spun to look at the new comer. "I have so desired to meet you." He held out his hand and I delicately placed the one not attached to Gypsy into his. Slowly he brought it up and the feel of his lips against my bare skin was enough to make my skin crawl. I may have removed my fingers a tad too quickly from his grasp.

          "You have me at a disadvantage…?"

          "Ah, forgive me!" He put a hand to his chest and chuckled, "I am Duke Emeric, I was so hoping you would attend. Celene has boasted that the Anointed had a special surprise planned for the Winter Ball."

          My eyebrows rose and I tilted my head slightly while offering a wide smile that showed no teeth, "Did she now?" What the actual fuck was he talking about? What _surprise?!_

          "Do let an old gentleman in on the secret?" He stepped closer and folded my hand into the crook of his, "Just a hint?"

          I pushed the hand attached to Gypsy against his chest and gave a small giggle, "That would ruin it for you, and I would be loathed to do such your Grace."

          He chuckled good naturedly, "Alas, the charms of a beautiful woman are too much for me." The Duke's eyes shifted from my face to Gypsy's, "Such a magnificent creature, do you hunt for sport?"

          A pleasant mask froze on my face at that word. Sport. Hunting was, in my opinion, not a sport but something necessary for survival. If you were a trophy hunter it should coincide with your diet. Want antlers? Put in for a stag hunt and eat every portion of the animal. Cold? Wolf fur was among the best, but you better use the meat Jackass.

          "I find my time stretched a bit thin for a proper hunt."

          "The Empress has the most impressive trophy room." Duke Emeric said as he gently turned us toward a room, "I myself have made contributions to it, a rather odd creature and I've never seen it's like again."

          "Well the world is rather large," I smiled at him realizing with dread that he was in fact pulling me into a room of frozen death. "Many creatures drift, lost in the forests."

          "This one walked on two feet and regenerated rather quickly, it spoke a strange language, it took six of my best men to take the brute down. Four died in the attempt."

          Okay, _now_ he had my attention. Was there another race out there that wasn't in the light with the others?

          "Ah!" He declared happily. Solas appeared at that moment and slipped the fresh glass of champagne into my hand. I sipped delicately before turning around.

          On the wall was none other than a _mother fucking Krogan head_.

          Needless to say, I choked on my drink and the glass shattered in my hand. Blood dripped down my fingers while my mind spiraled with the idea that there had been a _Krogan_ , here on _this **planet**_.

          "What the fuck?" I snapped as I took a step closer to read the plaque. Air was slamming in and out of my lungs in rapid succession. Thedas was in the same universe as Mass Effect, not different dimensions like I thought. I wasn't hopping through the different realms, but hopping through _planets and fucking time!_

          Wait! Just because it was dark ages here didn't mean any significant amount of time passed. Perhaps the initial jump from Earth—provided by my Fae friend—pushed me through time and now… why was I still being reincarnated on different worlds? It didn't make sense.

          "Lady Anointed?" Emeric called out, a warm hand pressed firmly to my lower back. I recoiled, "Is everything alright?"

          "I…" I had no trouble making it sound breathy, "forgive me, I was not expecting to see something so… outlandish. It looks quite formidable your grace, however did you subdue it?"

          I needed to get away from him _now_ and from the looks Solas was giving the man he would be more than happy to put him six feet under.

          "It was difficult," he bounced in place and looked fondly upon the Krogan. I almost vomited. Oh god if any Krogan saw this—depending on the Clan—there might be a war started. A fucking head _mounted_ on the wall like a trophy? Yeah, Krogans took trophies, but it was your bones. They didn't mount your fucking _face_. At the very least there would be a head butt and someone would have a crushed skull.

          "—strange armor and an unusual magic device on his wrist." I tuned back into what he was saying, "Not even our most skilled mages or scholars could translate the runes that appeared."

          "Do you still have it?" Solas brushed a single finger across my back, causing a dance of shivers to run up my spine.

          The Duke gave me a funny look, "I believe Empress Celene is in possession of it at this moment."

          "Excellent." I was saved from having to answer further by the ringing of the first bell, "Please, excuse me your Grace, I must find my party." I curtsied, "Come Solas, we must attend to the Herald."

          Once we were outside of the room Solas pulled me into an alcove, "You know what that creature is," Solas stated quietly, fingers flicking out to cast some sort of barrier. I was scrunched between him, Gypsy and the wall.

          "Oh you bet your pert ass I do," I growled, "that thing is a Krogan Solas. A fucking Krogan. They have two of every organ, through-the-roof regeneration abilities and live for over a thousand years. They were made to survive. I've seen Krogans function off of a single heart for decades and they have the _biggest_ quads I've ever seen in my life."

          "Quads?"

          "They have four testicles." I winced, "Look, the point is that the Council Races have _visited_ this planet!" I was whispering excitedly, "Humans from other worlds, Asari, Salarians—holy fuck if that was first contact there might be a shit storm blowing in this direction."

          "First contact?" Solas' eyes widened, "You think a war could break out between your people and the people of this world."

          "Well let's put it like this: when the humans made first contact it started a war between the Turians and the Humans. It was fucking bloody and a bunch of people died on both sides. No," I held up a hand to stall coming questions, "I don't know the details, wasn't young enough to go through schooling. What I _do_ know is that at one point a Krogan was here. If _he_ —" because females didn't leave Tuchanka "—was here that means there was a ship and others. One Krogan wouldn't come to this planet alone unless he was hunting someone."

          "You were interested in the device on his wrist?" Solas asked quickly as the second bell tolled, "What is it?"

          "I think it is an omni-tool." I pushed against him, "We have to get to the ball room, questions later."

          He pulled me close against him, hand gripping my neck firmly. "I didn't get the chance to tell you how beautiful you look."

          Gypsy interrupted the tender budding moment by running her tongue up the side of his face. I bit back a laugh and bolted out of the alcove, "Why Solas, I do believe you overstepped." I tittered and all but ran toward the ball room.

 

Ellana twirled around the room with Florianne. She was a Grand Duchess, and Gaspard's sister. I fidgeted nervously at the edge of the room, position my back toward the wall, gaze flicking all throughout the hall.

          Leliana was in shock beside me. I told her about the Krogan head and she was taking it in stride.

          Meaning I now had solid evidence beyond her fucking truth stone to back my claims. Aliens had walked among them and might even be studying them now.

          "The Council does not condone the interference with non-space fairing species. Your people have not yet reached the stars so there won't be a war, but you can guarantee that they know about this planet and are keeping an eye on it. The tool that Celene has, I need to get my hands on it."

          "Why?" Leliana's gaze sharpened, "What does it do?"

          "There will be logs on it, detailing his visit here most likely." I huffed out a frustrated sigh, "I can find out what happened. It would have the last month recorded onto its memory banks and I would be able to determine if Thedas was under threat of… quarantine."

          The Blight would worry the Council. I knew it would and it would draw Salarians to it like a moth to flame. Salarian scientists were among the most brilliant species in this entire galaxy cluster and they would _love_ a reason to puzzle everything out.

          Holy shit did this mean that _lyrium_ was _element zero_?! They were both blue rocks that went boom if you weren't careful with it. Close enough in my books. But… eezo didn't give magic, it gave biotics and cancer. Lyrium could give cancer too for all I knew but Lyrium did not give biotics. And the people here didn't need implants to use it either.

          Perhaps it was because their planet was saturated with lyrium they developed in a different way?

          It didn't matter, honestly, if element zero _was_ lyrium. Not in the long run. No, what mattered was that I was still somewhere in the same galaxy cluster and I hadn't even known it.

          "I need to look at the stars." I muttered and broke for the balcony. Cool air washed over me, Gypsy bumping her head into my back and let out a small whine caused my shoulders to relax. "Shit pretty girl, this is seven kinds of fucked up."

          My eyes were glued to the heavens. I studied each star, glared them into the backs of my mind so that when I blinked tiny motes of light danced behind my lids.

          "I just don't see the patterns!" I all but shouted, "Where am I?"

          And how in the absolute hell did the fade work if we were still in the same reality as Council Space? Huh? Why where demons and spirits trapped on one side of the veil? How had Cole managed to-

          "Gah!" I muffled the sound on the palm of my hand. "It doesn't make any sense!"

          Shepard must have not chosen the synthesis option because the people on this planet were definitely not synthetics and neither was I. Knowing her, Paragon of Paragons… she decided to destroy the reapers ending _all_ synthetic life. Poor Legion.

          Yes, technically it was the _renegade_ option but I don't think Jane would have seen it like that. Because of Legion she knew there was another faction but she would have seen destroying all synths as a necessary evil and done the hard thing. That was the kind of woman Jane was, you got in line and did what had to be done.

          I sighed and pushed the tips of my fingers into my temples. None of this mattered. It really didn't, this was my home now and it would continue to _be_ my home. I needed a world to belong to and this one was as good as any. Better even because I had an actual family here. Jane knew what she was doing, hell she probably already did it.

          The galaxy was safe, I didn't have to wait for Reapers to show up here or fear seeing them in the sky. We were safe.

          I pushed off the railing and turned to see Dorian standing in the doorway.

          "A rather impressive show, you are the talk of the ball. Tiny melt down?"

          A rueful laugh slid past my lips, "Contemplating complex things that would not make sense my friend." I walked forward, "Ellana finish her dance?"

          "Beautifully, thanks to you." Dorian pulled me into a hug, "Don't get your lipstick on me darling, it isn't my color."

          "Wouldn't dream of it."

          "She isn't inside of you anymore." Dorian remarked quietly, "How?"

          "A long story for another night," I winced and pulled back, "hope you didn't spend too much time on the removal process?"

          "It… ah… well it is for the best you got rid of her on your own." Dorian patted me awkwardly, which did not inspire me to question if his method would have been safe. "Any side effects?"

          "One." I nodded and twisted a curl back into the tangle of them atop my head, "I have magic."

          Dorian's eyes widened, "Truly?"

          "Yup, think you can help a girl out? Solas will be all about learning to walk the fade when I want to toss fire balls at people."

          Dorian clapped, "You are simply marvelous, whatever would my life be like without you?"

          "You're going to study me, aren't you?"

          "No matter what happens, do _not_ tell Dagna you have magic." Dorian had a very serious look on his face, "She will slice tiny pieces of you off and study them far more intently than anything I would ever do."

          "Anointed?" Josephine popped onto the balcony, "Empress Celene is requesting your presence, everything has been set up for you."

          "Set up?" I whispered, "Just _what_ did Leliana promise her?"

          Dorian shrugged, "One can hardly tell, these Orlesians are almost exactly like those back home. Only thing missing is the blood magic."

          "Can you teach me _that_?" I asked curiously as we wandered back into the ball.

          That was when I saw the grand piano that was stationed. Atop a dais and something told me Leliana promised I would play for them.

          "You've got to be shitting me." I sighed and turned to glare at Leliana.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my scrolling of Tumblr I came across a fan made image. It was one of the... planetary explanations that you get when you enter a planet's area on Mass Effect. It was one for Thedas. I am guessing (because I really don't know) that it was made because of the Krogan head that can be found in the Winter Palace, and there is a DLC for one of the Mass Effect games where you can come across an Ogre statue in a museum. I know that these are most likely just easter eggs for their games but it was an intriguing idea. That is where I got the inspiration for a large chunk of the next part of this story.


	41. Dances and Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So, I'm not having much fun." I answered, "Anyone have any tips on how to get a Duke to leave you alone?"
> 
> Varric leaned past me, "How long have you been standing there Chuckles?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Family drama is the best!
> 
> Sorry for the almost three week (or was it longer?) delay in updating. I couldn't seem to find the time to do anything I wanted. And I love your comments! They kept me going and I am so _so_ sorry that it took me so long to respond. 
> 
> Hope everyone is enjoying their week. Here's hoping that I can get back to regular updates.

I cracked my neck and settled down upon the bench before the grand piano. It was unlike anything I'd ever played upon before. The piano itself was a honey color, deep amber and the pattern of the wood shone through. At the edges there was gold work, elegant scrawls and swirls that added to absolutely nothing. A piano played, each had its own sound but a piano was a piano.

          At least to me. Each piano that I played would never hold to the one I'd played as a child. This one would be no different.

          The song, that was what was important. An occasion such as this qualified for one of my more… unique songs. There was one that sprang to mind. More of a folk tale from back home.

          The ring that held the chain to Gypsy's collar came off and I set it next to me. "Gypsy, down my love." She let out huff as she draped her head over the bench next to me.

          My fingers danced over the top, finding the proper melody. Still strange, this song played in my head but I heard it as it was supposed to sound. How it sounded when she sang it. The small hand drums, the flutes and string instruments that accompanied her. Here, all I had was this piano.

          " _A young man walks through the forest, with his quiver and hunting bow._ " It was a cautionary tale, or would have been. " _See me now/a ray of light in the moondance/See me now/I cannot leave this place/Here me now/A strain of song in the forest/Don't ask me/to follow where you lead._ " There was small chattering around the room but for the most part I had their attention. Maybe I should have colored my hair a vibrant purple.

          " _A young man walked through the forest/with an axe sharp as a knife/'I'll take the green-eyed fairy/and she shall be my wife/with her I'll raise my children/With her I'll live my life_." This was a song I loved back on Earth. It came out during my High School years and it reminded me of my Grandmamma and her stories. " _The maiden wept when she heard him/When he said he'd set her free/He took his ax and used it/to bring down her ancient tree/'Now your willow's fallen/Now you belong to me'._ "

          I finished out the last verse and there was a slow clap behind me. Numb fingers found the ring that Gypsy was attached too and slid it back onto the middle finger of my right hand. I would do anything for a reminder to kill Leliana. I would make a spectacle of myself, but having someone else promise that I would? Murder, plain and simple.

          "You sing beautifully." The voice was thick with Orlesian accent. Rising smoothly, I turned to face the woman behind me. Surprise flowed through me when it was none other than the Empress herself.

          "Your Imperial Majesty." I sunk into a low bow that accommodated her status. "It was a pleasure to sing before your court." What? Why was I speaking like this? Why had I bowed to her?

          Did I adopt Ms. Flame's mannerism as well?

          "When I heard the tales of you singing outlandish songs at taverns, I knew I had to hear one for myself." She held out a hand, "Walk with me."

          I gripped the chain for comfort, knowing that I walked with a wolf gave me the strength to follow the human with power out to the balcony. A wolf was a wolf. Unless one wolf was a powerful god. Where was my Solas? Oh! That's right, playing at being some servant.

          "I have never heard that song," she noted, "nor have I heard anything like it. Where did you come across it?"

          "In another world." I smiled at her and stood next to the railing, "Duke Emeric showed me the creature he contributed to your trophy room." I wanted—no _needed_ —to get my hands on that Omni-tool.

          "Yes," Empress Celene turned to watch me. I watched her watching me and threw caution to the wind.

          "I want the device that he had."

          "He?" Celene took a step forward, "You know what that creature is, don't you?"

          "Yes." I nodded, "And I want the Omni-Tool."

          Her eyes flashed with interest. "This conversation has just become intriguing. How do you know what it is?"

          "The answer to that requires me to divulge information that I am unwilling to part with at the moment." I took a step away from her, my hand on Gypsy's chest forcing her back a step with me. I wanted to look powerful but I did not want Gypsy eating the Empress's face because she got pushy. "Let's leave it at—the creature is a male of his species, they are volatile and you will probably never find another like him."

          "Anointed, we must have dinner together sometime." Her voice was a whisper and she took another step closer. Gypsy growled behind me and tried to nudge me behind her fur. "For now, I know why you and the Inquisition are here. Support me and the… device is yours."

          Celene gave me a knowing smile and she walked away from me. That had been way too easy. More bridges to cross when I made came to them. Hopefully I wouldn't have to save Celene just to kill her because she got greedy on me. Hopefully the human would be grateful for her life.

          I followed her back into the ball, forcing the multitude of star charts that were swirling with no discernable patterns to the back of my mind.

          Slowly I worked my way around the room. Leliana cautioned me against heading straight for her if something happened. _Do not appear as if you are urgent at any point_. That is what she said. So, I drifted, showing Gypsy off and trading barbed complements with the Orlesian Nobility.

          By the time I made it to Leliana the inside of my cheek was raw from biting it and my fingers were white from the force of my grip.

          "We have a problem." I positioned Gypsy so that she stood between the crowd and I, shielding our conversation from prying eyes. "I need Celene on the throne. We have to save her."

          "Even if it is not what is best for the country?"

          "Oh!" I took a step closer, "You are in a position where you can decide for a _whole_ nation what is best for them? Civil War? The upheaval of a ruling house? Throwing a new leader at them in the middle of the coming Apocalypse? Are you crazy?"

          Leliana gave me a small smile, "What did you two speak of?"

          "She will give me what I want, if we keep her alive."

          "And how do we know that Gaspard will not?" Leliana eyed me, "What did you tell her?"

          "Gaspard does not strike me as the type to give up anything willingly." I ground my teeth and forced my hands to straighten. "Look, I am _telling you_ that I will keep Empress Celene alive at all costs. The information that is housed on that Omni-Tool is too important to lose because you don't like her."

          "To the Inquisition or to you?"

          "To all of Thedas." I shot back at her. I did not mention that it might be able of contacting my old crew. I wasn't entirely sure I _wanted_ to contact them, but to know if they survived or not would be amazing. "I suppose I don't need you to back me on this. Or Ellana or anyone else. I'm letting you know that Celene will draw breath tomorrow morning. Deal with it."

          "Anointed?"

          Gypsy let out a low rumble but when I placed a hand on the side of her neck she settled.

          "Duke Emeric!" I stepped toward him, "I did not think to attract your attention again tonight."

          He chuckled and held out his hand, "May I claim this dance?"

          _Claim_? What a weird word. I hated that word. I was not something to be claimed.

          Leliana stepped up behind me. "The Inquisitor and her party are not currently in the ball room. Distract them before someone notices they are missing." Her voice was a hushed whisper and I nodded, a smile plastered across my face. It was wide enough I'm sure Emeric saw my molars.

          I slid Gypsy's ring off and passed it to Leliana. "There is nothing that would make me happier Your Grace." My hand found its way onto his forearm, his other hand coming up to cover it. I felt all eyes shift to me and I swallowed a mouthful of saliva.

          Did I ever mention that I hated the spot light? I feel like that should come up more than it does.

          Emeric's hand grasped my waist. Imagine my surprise when Josephine had been preaching about holding ribs and here he was, hand inches from my rear. A wide smile covered his face, or the portion of it that I could see. A mask covered his forehead down to his cheek bones. Large wings came off the side and the mask was covered in onyx gemstones. Underneath the mask I could make out thick eyelashes and eyes the color of coal.

          His hand was soft, mixed with callouses. It was an interesting feeling. Most men either had baby soft skin, showing they had nothing to do but paperwork. This man had both. He was both privileged and yet skilled. He worked hard.

          "I wanted to offer my apologies, the creature I showed you it is not for the faint of heart." He gave me a gentle smile, "It was not my intention to frighten you."

          Well he was correct. It scared the daylights out of me. Knowing that a Krogan had walked Thedas. Who _else_ had been here? Believing that the people that inhabited Thedas were capable of taking down a _Krogan_? Not something that would have ever crossed my mind.

          "It was rather marvelous." I countered with a half smirk. "To see its head mounted, it was a sight to behold."

          I was a little insulted he called me 'faint of heart' though. Like I was about to collapse under the strain. The intense desire to Krogan head-butt him swept through me. I almost did it but he distracted me.

          "I have heard tales of you," Emeric mentioned as he spun me away from him. When he pulled me back in we were pressed back to front. It was becoming increasingly uncomfortable.

          How long did these damned songs last?

          "Nothing good I hope." He held my hand again as we continued around the dance room. "I would hate to think the people are lying to you."

          He laughed, "She jests, a beautiful face, strong, is there anything you aren't?"

          _Into you_. It was screaming to be said but I just shook my head, "Modest?"

          Emeric stepped closer to me as the music drew to an end. Holy hell that felt a lot longer than it should have been.

          "I would like to call on you." He whispered to me, "At Skyhold."

          Uh… my brain shut off. Distantly I was aware that he lifted my hand and pressed a kiss to the back of an ungloved hand. That the rest of the room was moving and that _I_ needed to move.

          Holy fuck did he just ask to _court me?!_

          "Oh no," I shook my head. "This is not happening."

          I let out a whistle and Gypsy broke free of Leliana. She pranced across the room until she stood next to me, her collar gone. Well, not gone. It was held in Leliana's hand.

          Well, so much for that façade. My fingers dug into her fur and together we walked toward the doors to the Ball Room. I needed a moment away from nobility and all things fine. Perhaps if I found Bull, I would find the food.

          My stomach grumbled and I grinned at the prospect of Orlesian delicacies.

          I stopped and spun in place to find Amara. She was standing quietly taking everything in as everyone moved around the room. Her little eyes wide. A small glass of juice—it had _better be juice_ —clenched in her little hand.

          "Amara!" I called out. Her head turned in my direction and when she met my gaze she smiled, "Come on sweets, let's get you something to eat."

          The room broke out in a buzz of conversation as she all but ran at me. Once she was close enough, I held out a hand and she took it gladly.

          It took all of five minutes to find Bull. He was indeed standing next to the food, plate piled high with all sorts of meat. He was talking to Varric who looked a little incensed.

          "So, anything good happen while I was being paraded around?" I asked as I slid up next to them. I passed a plate to Amara, "Whatever you want to eat, eat hon."

          She squealed in delight and started to put things on her plate. I still had to dance with her.

          "The Inquisitor found a locket of Elvhen make." Bull rumbled quietly before taking a long pull from his glass. I didn't think it was wine.

          Fuck. I couldn't drink anything here. Unless… There was a kid here. She couldn't drink wine either. Celene wanted on my good side, surely she put out something when she realized that I brought a child with me.

          My gaze danced down the line until I saw Amara pouring herself another glass.

          Bingo.

          "Elvhen?" I asked as I forced my attention back to her. "As in Briala gave it to her? She still has it?"

          "Ellana was thinking along those lines as well Ghost." Varric lifted his glass in my direction. "You find out anything?"

          So, so much but nothing that I could share with him. "Did you find out anything about why your books aren't selling?"

          That did it.

          "My editor is stealing from me." He grumbled, but he noticed how I evaded his question. Dwarf was smart, I'd give him that. "Everyone here is asking for me to sign their copy of The Champion of Kirkwall and Hard in Hightown."

          "Well, looks like someone has a conversation ahead of them." I smiled and moved toward the juice Amara was drinking.

          She came over to stand next to Varric.

          "You enjoying yourself Silk?"

          Silk? What the heck was _that_?

          I got my drink and put several pieces of fruit on my plate. No meat. I wasn't chancing anything had been cooked with Nug. Last thing I needed was to vomit all over the buffet because I couldn't keep it down.

          My gaze was pulled to the sweets section. Oh god, there was lemon and lavender cakes. I could smell them from here.

          I wanted one.

          So I picked up two.

          "Yeah." Amara said around a mouthful of food, "I can't wait to dance with Uncle Dorian."

          "Where is he, by the way?" I asked pointing at Amara.

          "In the courtyard." Bull answered quickly. A little too quickly. I watched him and he gave me a smile and deliberately blinked at me.

          "Oh my god!" I let out a chuckle, "Good for you. Good for him?"

          "So good." He nodded and I laughed louder.

          "Luna?" Amara asked.

          "You'll understand when you are older." I promised. I passed her a few pieces of meat, "Want to feed Gypsy?"

          She nodded and grabbed them before wandering over to Gypsy. The wolf would keep her safe.

          "Okay, so what do we know about the locket?" I looked between the two of them, "Was there a note or anything?"

          "The Inquisitor didn't say," Varric stated and he watched me take a drink from the glass of juice set out specifically for Amara. I watched him and waited, "But if the Empress still has it, it is a possibility that she still has feelings for her."

          "Excellent." Leliana and I could both benefit from this then. If we could get Briala back with Celene they could rule _together_. I'd be fine with just Celene but Briala would offer more for the elves which sounded like a win for me too. After all, the elves were in desperate need of a win.

          "Anything else?" I looked between the two of them. They glanced at each other, "Aw come on!" I whispered and took a step closer to them.

          Varric sighed, "Leliana was surprised to find one of her old… companions? They aren't friends that's for sure."

          I blinked at him, "Which one?"

          "Not sure, gold eyes, dark hair—"

          "Scowl on her face, looks like she'd stab you for an apple that she wouldn't even eat?"

          Bull laughed, "You know her?"

          "Morrigan." I nodded. What was she doing here? Last I heard of her she'd fled into the wilds, with or without baby—

          My face blanched. The Warden was still alive, right? Cousland was… King of Feralden, _right?!_

          Did that mean that… Morrigan had a kid? And did it have the soul of an Old God? Oh man, this was getting kind of crazy now.

          "So, I'm not having much fun." I answered, "Anyone have any tips on how to get a Duke to leave you alone?"

          Varric leaned past me, "How long have you been standing there Chuckles?"

          I winced and dug into my food. If my mouth was full, I couldn't give him any answers on what had been happening since he'd been skulking around in the servant’s quarters looking for answers to something that hadn't been picked up.

          "Long enough." He didn't touch me. We weren't supposed to touch. He didn't want people to know that he was important.

          Once I was finished with my food, I turned to him and held out my plate, "Please watch over Amara, once she has finished eating ensure she and Gypsy return to Leliana."

          His eyes frosted over and I lifted an eyebrow at him. He inclined his head and I spun to walk away.

          "Ghost," Varric called out, "you have an aversion to alcohol tonight?"

          I stuttered to a halt before glaring back at him, "It is never wise to drink when so many people in power wander the halls." Little dwarf eyes and mouths were going to get me into trouble.

          Bull watched me closely and I walked away waiting for someone to stop me. They didn't.

 

Back in the ballroom I saw that Morrigan was indeed here. She stood up on the balcony next to the Empress. She was, apparently, the one who displaced Vivienne. Vivienne was standing beside me, watching Morrigan with envious eyes.

          "You're staring." I stated quietly as I sipped juice from my glass. Grape. It was delicious.

          "I am doing nothing of the sort." Vivienne sniffed.

          "You want your position back."

          She laughed and tilted her head back, "Darling, if the Empress wants this charlatan as her Court Enchantress, far be it from me to argue."

          "But you want your position back." I stated again, "It's okay. It was a comfortable spot, next to the dragon. Warm. You can say it. Doesn't make you less of a person because you have desires."

          Vivienne blinked at me. "I do not think it wise to have someone as unlearned as her in a position as powerful as the one she holds."

          "The position _you_ made powerful." I pointed out, "And believe you me, Morrigan is not _unlearned_. Considering whom her mother was or is—it's rather confusing—she would be anything but unlearned."

          "And who birthed her?" Vivienne asked.

          "Flemeth." I answered honestly. Morrigan may be hiding it but I had nothing to hide for her. She was a big girl and could deal with consequences.

          "And how is it complicated?"

          "Because the Hero of Feralden killed her, and the Champion of Kirkwall took an amulet to a mountain top outside of Kirkwall to resurrect her." I watched Vivienne's face, "Like I said, complicated."

          "How do you know of this?"

          "Well, Leliana told me that they fought Flemeth. In Varric's book he said that they met her. Merrill called her… Asha'bellanar? I think at least. It’s something like… _woman of many years_. Which is what Flemeth is, a Witch of the Wilds that has survived centuries by skipping into the bodies of her daughters. Which… is why the Warden killed her. Because Morrigan asked."

          "You are quite informed." Vivienne noted.

          "Don't use this information against her Vivienne," I warned. If Morrigan's kid did indeed have the soul of an Old God I wasn't sure I wanted Flemeth to get ahold of the kid. "This is between you and me, I don't like loose lips."

          Flemeth told Morrigan how to do that spell. I'm sure of it. That was an old spell, one that Morrigan wouldn't have just come across. It played into Flemeth's hands somehow. She was a crazy bitch and anything that stopped that crazy bitch from getting what she wanted was good enough for me.

          She nodded at me, "Of course, Anointed."

          I squinted my eyes at her and nodded in return. "Thank you."

          My gaze drifted across the room. Emeric caught my eye and lifted his glass in my direction before taking a drink from it. I gave him a smile and lifted my grape juice.

          "You have caught the attention of a Duke." Vivienne noticed. "This could be used to our advantage."

          "I want nothing to do with him, Viv." I stated bluntly, "I have my great love; I do not require anything else." Anger started to well up at the thought of someone else coming into my life.

          I wanted Solas. I would fight for Solas. I would fight _with_ Solas. But Solas was my end and my beginning. It was naive of me to think this way, I knew it. The other shoe always dropped, but Solas was there for me. Always there. Speaking with his stupid logic, he kept me safe.

          "Does he know the extent of your feelings for him?"

          "I fucking hope so." I whispered as Solas dropped off Amara and Gypsy. The wolf looked at me, her head dropped, eyes glowing with intelligence.

          "Do you require anything further of me, Anointed?" Solas asked, his eyes cast to the side. It pissed me off. I hated that he was willing to play this part. And a _part_ it was. Solas was so much more than a servant. And now he couldn't even look at me.

          At least he could take his lumps that came with this part he _insisted_ he play.

          "At the moment?" I asked quietly, "No, you are dismissed."

          Vivienne lifted a brow at him, "Would you be a dear and fetch me a glass of Orlesian Red?"

          His gaze snapped to hers and I almost saw his control snap. What was causing this reaction? He was the one who made it clear that he was to be a servant at this stupid ball.

          "As you request Madame de Fer." Solas intoned before he swept away toward the refreshment room.

          "Well," I sighed, "that was interesting. Do me a favor and don't push _too_ hard, yeah?"

          "Wouldn't dream of it." Vivienne gave me a quiet smile.

          Amara bounded over to me, her little hands swaying back and forth. "Uncle Dorian is busy with Ellana. Can you dance with me?"

          One brow rose, I was not aware that the Inquisitor and her group had left the ball. Again. I wondered what was happening with them, and if they'd found anything out yet.

          I wasn't being told anything, I was just the distraction.

          One of my hands came around my front and I bowed before my little one. My head lifted and I gave her a smirk, "Of course."

          Once we made it to the dance floor I put Amara's feet on top of mine and we started to dance the waltz. The look in her eyes as we spun around the room would stay with me forever. It was made of pure innocence and utter delight.

          It wasn't long before Amara got the moves down, or at least the steps, and she stepped off of my feet. I was hunched over slightly to accommodate for her slightly smaller stature.

          That's when I saw it. Ellana talking heatedly with the Advisors. It swept by quickly as we turned. All night Leliana had been about not drawing attention. As I looked around the room everyone was either dancing or watching those dance. I spun us around again so I could watch.

          Their eyes were glued to something behind me. Another spin, Amara blissfully unaware of what was happening.

          There was a blonde. The one that… that Ellana danced with. What had her name been? She was the Empress's cousin or something like that. The four of them were watching that one woman.

          "Let those present attend!" Someone called out. The music died and the couples stopped dancing. I pulled Amara around in front of me, my arms draping over her shoulders.

          Empress Celene stepped forward and started to speak. She spoke of how we lost those that were close to us. How each of us knew what this felt like, and she spoke of change.

          Enter blonde cousin or other.

          She walked too close, spoke of drastic change.

          "Isn't that right, Gaspard?"

          Gaspard? Wasn't he the one that-

          There was a collective gasp and I had a second to react. My hands spun Amara to the side and then behind me for safety. I reached forward with pull, my hand fisting and yanking the Empress toward me.

          She spun in the air and I walked calmly toward where the Duchess was now fleeing. I remembered now, she was Gaspard's sister and indeed she was the cousin to the Empress.

          I snapped my fingers at her and she froze in mid-flight. I growled, almost having missed my opportunity to save the current ruler.

          Celene was still hurtling toward me. I braced myself, casting barrier so it clung tightly to my skin and when she slammed into me, I slid back several feet.

          "Sorry 'bout that." I chimed as she straightened her skirts and tilted her mask so it was no longer askew. "Couldn't get to her with her behind you, couldn't let you die."

          "What are you?" The Empress demanded.

          "I'm out of this world." I looked back behind me. Ellana looked relieved but Leliana seemed pissed beyond belief. Well, apparently, she would rather have the Empress die. Too bad, so sad. I needed her alive.

          "Commander," I called behind me, spinning to check on Amara's where about. My thumping heart slowed when I saw her wide eyed but unharmed. "Be a dear and take the Duchess into custody?"

          "Your Inquisition was going to let me die." The Empress accused.

          Amara was standing off to the side, Gypsy hoovering over her.

          "And yet, here you are," I spun to face her, "alive just as I said you would be. Time for your end of the deal."

          "How do I know that there will be no further attempts?"

          "Your… what is her name?" I leaned around her and pointed at the very fluffy woman still held in my stasis field. Seems there was a good use for stasis after all. "Oh, it doesn't matter what her name was I suppose. She is to be taken in by the Inquisition, there she will be questioned and we will stop whoever put this in motion. Because we are the good guys. Now, the device?"

          I held out a hand and lifted a brow.

          "On one condition." Celene stated boldly. I sighed and dropped my hand.

          "And that condition would be?" Because I wanted that Omni-tool. Would _get_ that Omni-tool. I wasn't a Paragon of Paragons. I was so many different faces squashed into one and I'm pretty sure these feelings I was having was the stupid Elf-bitch I ate popping through. She had been just like every other empowered Elvhen of that time, ruthless and god damn it but I hated feeling like this.

          "I want to know what the device does."

          "Done," I smiled at her, "shall we go to your armory?" I held out a hand and bowed slightly to her. That was easier than expected, but not what I wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think anyone like the Winter Ball, but this was almost painful for me to write. Anyone else need a walkthrough to hit everything and get the ending you want?
> 
> And... I forgot to give the name of the song as well as who sang it! 
> 
> The Willow Maid by Erutan


	42. Exalted My Butt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She knows the Inquisitor!" Flora gushed, "Is it true that she faced a dragon?"
> 
> "Uh, probably several I haven't caught up on the field reports."
> 
> "She does not know her Flora," Gabriel sighed, "She is a charlatan looking for-"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments, they have been a light in my heart. A thousand shout outs to Kali_Maa who continues to clean up the mess that is my grammar and spelling.

Celene opened the door to the armory and walked in with her head held high. Gypsy and Amara were with Ellana, seeing as how Leliana was turning into a blood thirsty bitch. I didn't know what was going through her head but we were probably going to end up fighting about something before the night was through so I'm sure I was about to find out.

          Many of her guards had insisted on coming with her, after their almost botched attempt at saving her life I couldn't blame them. They wanted to make sure the Empress was safe. Too bad for them she demanded they remain behind, because _I am safe with the Anointed_. Her words. Stupid, but it was what it was.

          "Impressive." I noted as I looked around at the large displays for ancient armors and swords. There were several larger objects, antiques I'm sure because who would have a catapult fully constructed in their armory?

          Orlesians, that's who.

          "Most of what you see here belonged to the greatest of warriors, armor and weapons enchanted with glyphs we can no longer replicate." Celene wandered over to a section that felt heavily warded. "Please remain here, if you are not of royal blood passing through this would be impossible."

          "Right," I nodded and picked up a dagger. It flared to life and an acid green color swamped my hand while a liquid dripped off the end. The substance hit the ground and started to eat away at the marble on the floor. "Whoops." I put it back down and stepped away from it.

          That was a little dangerous and hopefully would never find its way into the world.

          Celene appeared with the Omni-tool in her hand. She eyed the floor where the acid was still eating away at it.

          "Butter fingers." I stated and took the offered device. I slid it over my arm and waited for the interface to boot up, "How long did your greatest scholars attempt to hack this?"

          "Hack?" Celene stepped around me and peered over my shoulder, "I am not familiar with that term."

          "Yeah, I didn't think about that." I mumbled as I pulled up the memory banks.

          " _Been stranded on this rock for two weeks now._ " The Krogan coughed, blood spattering across the screen. That made a little more sense; he wasn't in top fighting form when he'd been taken down. He looked old, multiple scars along his face. The look in his eye stated that he'd been fighting for a long time. He was probably around since the Genophage was dropped on them. " _The beacon has been deployed but we've received no word yet. Just like the Salarians to let us rot. Probably let us get infected by the blight just so they could study our corpses._ "

          Oh shit, Salarians wanted to _study_ it? It had been a possibility but if they took it off of this planet and there was a containment breech? Not a good idea. Had the Krogan been infected by the blight? If he had been, it was a good thing that Emeric took him down. I couldn't even begin to imagine if a female—they never left Tuchanka so this was a moot thought—had been captured and turned into a brood mother.

          I backed out of it and scrolled through the time stamps. This was marked 2167 CE. Which was a decade or two before Shepard's story started. If they had yet to revisit this place, it was because it was marked off limits by the council.

          Here's hoping that Cerberus didn't get ahold of this information. That organization was a pain in my ass, in _humanity’s_ ass in all reality.

          "How did you get it to work?" Celene asked as she pulled my arm toward her, "We could not get it to do anything."

          "Unimportant." I gave her a tight smile, "You wanted to see, now you saw. Stop adding questions or conditions or anything else. All you need to know is that our bargain has come to an end."

          "It would be a shame if something happened to that adorable little girl." She called behind me.

          I rocked to a stop and breathed deeply through my nose for all of three seconds before I lost it.

          Spinning I pulled her toward me again and rammed a fist into her stomach. She dropped to her knees. "I've killed people for less," I hissed at her. "Threaten my daughter again and I'll eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti*." I patted her face roughly. "Okay pumpkin?" My stomach rebelled at the thought. Ugh…

          "You do not want to make an enemy of Orlais." Celene gasped from the ground. It was probably the first time she was on her knees before anyone, at least _unwillingly_.

          "Honey, I don't give two shits." I stated as I spun toward the door, "I saved your ass, put mine on the line, _for you_ , and you threaten my daughter? I don't think so. You wanna play nice? Sure, I can do it, but I'll need a formal apology."

          And I was probably going to get my ass chewed out for punching the Empress of Orlais. Probably should get out of Halamshiral as soon as possible.

          The device was a bust. It was so far out of date that I hadn't even been in ME then. Shepard had been born but I don't think she'd joined the Alliance yet. Oh who am I kidding, I didn't know.

          So all I got out of pissing Leliana off and exposing myself as something _other_ was a device I could use to stab people. There had been a beacon deployed and _no one came_. So… there goes any hope of communication to the group I once ran with or any hope of pain meds for the pregnancy.

          I stormed back into the Ball Room. Most of the people had cleared out, but there were the Inquisition leaders with the Duchess. All of my friends were there but I walked past them to Leliana. That and the band was _still_ playing.

          "Okay so… I might have just threatened to cannibalize the Empress." I winked at her, "Thought you should know. Probably best to wait to tell Josie once we've returned back to our manor."

          I stepped past her and looked up at Vivienne, "Viv—no faces I'm just tired sorry—I need you to make those travel arrangements so we can go to the Exalted Plains. That… that _is_ where you need to go correct?"

          Vivienne nodded at me, "Yes, it is. I am surprised you remembered. I barely mentioned it, weeks ago."

          "You're a friend Vivienne," I smiled and laid a hand on her arm. "You've saved my ass more times than I care to count, of course I remembered."

          "When do we leave?" Her eyes darted to Amara.

          "Morning after next," I assured, "after tonight I think we all need a little bit of rest."

          Celene walked back into the ball room. Never once did her gaze rest on my face. I covered a smile with the back of my hand. Someone didn't like me very much anymore. Well, it was her fault really. Who used a _child_ as leverage?

          Oh, Orlesians apparently. They were quickly turning into my least favorite culture.

          Tevinter was no better; honestly at least they had good wine. Kidding! Slaves were a big no-no with me. But still, I was so fucking sick and tired of Orlais.

          Dorian walked over to me and flung his arm over my shoulder. I sighed and relaxed into him.

          "My feet are killing me." I hissed. I got away with not wearing the corset but I had to wear these infernal shoes. "I don't suppose I could talk you into carrying me out of here?"

          "And put in effort?" Dorian quipped back, "Darling do I _look_ like that kind of man?"

          "Can't blame a girl for trying." I gave him a cheeky smile, "So, you headed back to Skyhold or further west?"

          "Further west, I imagine." Dorian nodded quietly and shifted so he was standing directly in front of me, "The Inquisitor has asked that I travel with her to the Western Approach. We are to look for the Gray Wardens. Bull also mentioned something about an alliance with the Qunari. We might divert for that."

          "Good, keep an eye on Fenris." I warned, "He is against all things mage and you being from Tevinter will be nothing but grease on a fire."

          "Yes, I am aware of his disposition toward those of us that are magically inclined." He sniffed, "There are not many fond of him at this moment, it would be wise of him to watch his next moves."

          "That doesn't matter to him Dorian." I sighed, "He doesn't care what anyone but _Hawke_ thinks of him."

          "I surmised that as well." Dorian nodded at me, "Will you be going with us?"

          "I have to take a detour for Vivienne. She needs the heart of a specific wyvern that's been spotted around the Exalted Plains." I laughed, "So I guess we'll be about a week behind? Depending on how long it takes you guys to do the Qun alliance thing."

          "One would assume that Solas will go with you?" Dorian's mouth gave a twitch, "Is there anyone else?"

          "I'll probably kidnap Cassandra for it." I winced, "We haven't gotten along very well but she'll be good Wyvern bait."

          "That she would." Dorian looked over his shoulder to where the rest of the Inquisition members gathered, "I could come with you."

          "No," I shook my head, "Ellana needs a mage in case someone needs healing or something. Besides, Bull is going with her too."

          My eyes were either lying to me or the Tevinter blushed at the sound of his name.

          "Luna?" I turned to find the source of my name. Amara stood there rubbing her eyes, "Are we going home?"

          "We will go back to the manor," I corrected softly. "Come on sweets I'll get you to a bed." She took my outstretched hand and leaned into me. I gathered her up in my arms. She was too big to carry but I didn't give a damn. Little girl was tired and nearly falling asleep. My feet protested my decision.

          Gypsy followed us quietly out of the Ball Room. Outside of the Winter Palace there was a carriage waiting for us. Gypsy did not fit inside of it but she loped easily along behind. That was after the horses had been calmed and reattached to the carriage. They did not like my wolf.

 

The following morning, I intended to wake Amara early. I had a day planned. After asking around—I asked Bull, okay?—I found out that one of the best tattoo artists was here in the city. The itch for the feeling of the needle couldn't be scratched by other means.

          He also did piercings. Amara had been over the moon about the earrings that the nobility wore at the party. She talked about them while she stifled yawn after yawn, fighting sleep to tell me about the pretty ropes of gold that hung elegantly from their ears. She was ecstatic to tell me that both women and _men_ wore them and could she please have some?

          So, I woke up at the butt crack of dawn and got dressed in lose clothing that was easily removed. I wanted a tattoo and I had an idea of what I wanted. It was a joke at the time, but I wanted to see the look on his face. A smile washed across my own at the thought of his reaction. Not _quite_ what I had promised to get but something similar.

          A letter was left in my absence. Everyone was twitchy about my whereabouts after the whole torture thing so if I left with Amara and did not say anything someone was going to lose their shit.

          Sneaking out of the room was easier than I thought. Solas was in a deep sleep, probably exploring the Fade and the memories that lingered in this place. I was more than happy to let him sleep.

          Amara on the other hand was a light sleeper. As soon as I cracked the door and _psst_ at her, her eyes opened and she sat up in bed. Fire wreathed her left hand and there was a dagger in the right.

          "Calm down sweets," I whispered as I crept forward, "it is just me."

          "Luna?" She asked sleepily, the fire fading and the hand that held the dagger dropped, but she still kept a firm grasp on it. Good girl. "Did something happen?"

          "Na," I waved a hand, "I have a surprise for you, get dressed we are going into town."

          Soft fingers quietly closed the door, shutting out the majority of light. Amara, in response, lit the candle next to her bed.

          A curious look swept across her delicate features and one of her eyebrows arched at me. She didn't question me but slid out of bed and dressed quickly. She strapped the dagger to her lower back and slid a vest over so it was hidden from sight.

          "Just you and me?" Amara asked as she looked past me and into the hallway. Amara's brown eyes searching for something that wasn't there.

          "Yes," I affirmed, "we are long overdue for a… day together."

          She smiled up at me, "Where are we going?" It was posed sweetly. She was hoping to catch me off guard.

          "Nope," I shook my head at her and smiled back. "Telling would ruin the surprise."

          She wrinkled her nose, "Had to try."

          "I know." I winked at her before twisting out the door. Amara followed me on light feet, treading carefully down the hallway toward the stairs. This manor was a maze, like the one we stayed in when we were in Val Royeaux. Problem was I hadn't had almost a week to traverse the halls and memorize the twisting turns.

          Amara on the other hand knew exactly where to go. She took the lead, confidently walking down the hallways, taking the appropriate turns. I marveled at how quickly she learned. From me, from Dorian, from Solas—probably—she learned and adapted.

          One day she was going to be a tsunami; sweeping across the land, powerful and confident.

          She found the front door with an ease that put me to shame. I smiled down at her as she pushed open the door. Gypsy rose from her spot and gave a soft whine.

          "Go to Solas," I stated quietly. "You cannot come with us."

          Gypsy had chosen a small area just off of the entryway so she could watch the front door. Gypsy had become more protective since… well since I found out I was pregnant. It could be because I was pregnant or the fact that I'd been captured and tortured. Hell, she pulled my body from the wreckage that was that place and had been following me around unless I specifically told her not too. It was touching and yet I could go to the bathroom by myself, thank you.

          At my words her head dropped a little lower and she took half a step toward me, a small whine emanating from her throat again. Emerald eyes took on a puppy like quality. When I lifted an eyebrow at her she dropped onto her side, presenting her stomach, and thumped her tail upon the ground. Massive jaws opened up, allowing her tongue to loll out the side. All this did was expose teeth that were pearlescent and dangerously sharp.

          A single finger lifted and I pointed toward the stairs, "If you want love go to Solas, you cannot go shopping with us." My other hand was busy maneuvering Amara out the door; I stepped through quickly after and closed the door.

          The sound of scratching claws came from the other side.

          "I love you." I called through before I turned to eye Amara, "Well, that went better than I expected."

          Amara giggled and we hopped into the carriage that would take us to our destination.

          She was quiet on the bumpy ride over to the parlor where her gift was waiting for her. Small fingers had the drapes pulled back on her side so she could peek out at the buildings as we passed by them. I watched her quietly, wondering when she had become this well behaved. I had yet to hear a single curse word out of her.

          It must have been Dorian's positive influence on her, it certainly wasn't me. Though I had made attempts to keep my language clean around her in hopes that she would see I was no longer cussing prolifically anymore. Not that my mouth wasn't as foul in other company. Adults could handle my many 'f' bombs, Amara could not.

          "No hints?" Amara asked as she let the curtain fall and turned to face me. "I promise to act surprised when we get there."

          "When you are an adult, half the fun of giving gifts is the surprise. So while you may _act_ surprised, you are too smart and will figure it out." I winked at her. She let out a harrumph before returning to looking out the window.

          Not long after the carriage came to a halt and the footman opened the door. Both of us crawled out of the small enclosure. The outside of the shop was unassuming, paint peeling, wooden sign in need of care. If Bull hadn't recommended it to me I would have passed it up, or if I still lived on Earth. Nothing about this place screamed that it was sanitary, but looks could be deceiving.

          Amara turned around to look at me, her face skeptical. "Here? This is where my present is?"

          "Well, with that tone maybe you don't want it." I dropped a few silvers into the footman's palm, "Can you return for us this afternoon, around the second bell?"

          "Yes ma'am." He bowed and hopped onto the back of the carriage as it started away.

          "I didn’t say that." Amara corrected quickly, "Just… not sure there is anything in there I want."

          I didn't blame her; it certainly did not give off the vibe of a place that a child would ever visit.

          I boldly stepped past her and pushed the door open. The interior was a large improvement over the outside. The windows were not covered in film as I originally thought, but covered with a thin material that blocked out a portion of the morning light, making it so there was not a glare for the person manning the front desk.

          And yes, it _had_ a front desk. Past the desk were several doors. It was like a modern tattoo shop, which—yes—surprised the hell out of me.

          "Welcome!" The woman called out in a very thick Orlesian accent, "Do you have an appointment?"

          "Oh," I looked behind me to make sure that Amara had indeed followed me into the building, "I… was not aware one was necessary."

          "I can schedule one for you, but we are booked for a solid month."

          "Well…" I bit my bottom lip and looked down at the kid. She was confused and looking around at the different designs that were hung on the wall. "Is there any way you can squeeze her in? We were only here for the Ball but now that the Empress is safe she has to go back home and I have to go west-" I was blathering because I nervous, which was a first—the blathering not the nervous— "-and we won't be back here, probably ever."

          "You were 'ere for the ball?" She stood up and eyed me, "You do not have the look of nobility."

          "I'm not," I assured, "I came with the Inquisitor-"

          "You know the Inquisitor!" She shrieked at me, "Gabriel, get out here!"

          I blinked several times and resisted the urge to shove a pinky in my ear to attempt to sooth my assaulted eardrums.

          "What, _what_ Flora!" That could only be Gabriel. "Who are you, what's this?"

          "She knows the Inquisitor!" Flora gushed, "Is it true that she faced a _dragon_?"

          "Uh, probably several I haven't caught up on the field reports."

          "She does not know her Flora," Gabriel sighed, "She is a charlatan looking for-"

          "Hey!" I barked, "I am not a charlatan, now can you squeeze the kid in or not?"

          "Luna," Amara pulled on my sleeve, "they aren't very nice I don't know if I want anything from them."

          I knelt down next to her, "Relax kid, Iron Bull said they were the best."

          "Iron Bull, _The_ Iron Bull?" Gabriel asked and took a step toward me. His eyes narrowed and he stared at me rather hard. "How do you know of him?"

          " _He_ recommended this place to me but after your fu—attitudes," I quickly switched my words, "I don't know if want anything from you." I grabbed Amara's hand.

          "Don't get mad at Bull," Amara said, "it isn't his fault these people are mean."

          At that moment one of the Inquisition scouts opened the door and stepped through. They snapped a smart salute and held out a letter. "Lady Nightingale wished to ensure your location."

          "I left a fuc— _bloody_ letter!" I growled. I was making attempts, but I was far from perfect. "I bet Solas is in on this."

          Amara giggled at my side, releasing my hand to spin in a circle. I sighed and snapped open the letter.

          " _Anointed do this, Anointed do that_." I mocked quietly as I quickly scanned it. "She's _chastising me?!_ " The scout in front of me flinched. "No!" I held up my hands, letter dangling from one. It was lucky to be in one piece. "No, not you, _you_ are not in trouble." I pushed a hand over my eyes and sighed, "I have to replace a door now. I can't believe she tried to tear it down. Of all the…" I dropped my head back. "Right kiddo, sorry these people are asshats—" oops! "—but it looks like we'll have to get your gift from somewhere else." I turned to look at the scout again, "Please tell Leliana that I am taking a day with the kid before I have to run off to save the countryside from who knows _what_ for who knows _how long_ and that I will arrange for the door to be fixed before I leave."

          "Yes, Anointed." He saluted again, "Do you require anything further?"

          "No," I shook my head, "you are dismissed."

          The scout—damn it I didn't get his name—marched out the door, allowing a bright burst of light to enter the room.

          There was a shrill sound behind me and I quickly grabbed Amara, pulling her toward me and turning to face the sound with her squarely behind me.

          Flora was losing her _shit_. She was bouncing in place, both of her hands were wrapped around one of Gabriel's arm and she was shaking him for all she was worth. Gabriel looked flabbergasted from what I could tell, poor man's head was snapping back and forth quickly as his whole body moved. I lifted an eyebrow and slowly started backing away.

          "Gabriel we are in the presence of the _Hand of the Maker_!" She screamed again and shook her head, causing her black tresses to cascade around her face. "No one will believe us!" She looked at him and smacked him, _hard_ , "Apologize!"

          "For what?" He asked as he stepped out of her range, his hand rubbing the spot she hit.

          "For your rudeness! You called the Anointed a _charlatan_!" She covered her face with a hand, careful not to smudge her make-up, "What ever will Andraste think of us?"

          Amara giggled again, the sound coming from behind me. Okay, now… this was definitely a first for me. She was _fangirling_ because I had a fancy title? What a load of shit!

          Gabriel sighed and walked toward me, hand stretched outward. I watched him closely before taking a chance and clasping his arm. "Forgive my rudeness, you would not believe how many people we get in here pretending to be the Inquisitor or… well _you_ looking for free stuff."

          "Well… that's rather rude of them." I joked half-heartedly, "Look, I'm not looking for handouts," I pulled out my pouch of gold, "I'm willing to pay, very well I might add, for a last-minute appointment."

          "You do not have to pay more than our regular customers, but it will be difficult to squeeze you in."

          I bit my lower lip, "Look, what if I left a purse full of gold up here with," I leaned past him to look at Flora who was no longer at her desk but had her head poked into a door, "Flora and she can pay the person who's spot we took so they are compensated for their time."

          Gabriel looked at me, and then at the little girl who was peeking out from around my side. "What do you want?"

          "I want her ears pierced." Amara gasped behind me and I was shoved forward—almost into Gabriel—as she threw her arms around me, squeezing me from behind.

          "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Amara released me and when I looked over my shoulder, she was doing a little happy dance. Either that or she needed the bathroom.

          "That is all you want?" Gabriel lifted a brow at me, "Just her ears?"

          "Well…" I winced and gave him an apologetic smile, "Could you find some time to give me a rather simplistic tattoo?"

          Gabriel let out a low chuckle and shook his head. " _That_ is why The Iron Bull recommended us to you." He shook a finger at me, "We are not known for piercings, but our tattoos are the best. Do you have a design in mind?"

          "A tree with a few words, I left a few areas open so I could add to it later." I unrolled the scroll I had tucked away in my waist band, hidden and secure because I actually had no idea how he would take this. I was hoping well and with a bit of humor.

          "It is crude and simplistic…. May I improve upon it?" He grumped at me. Gabriel did not seem like a very… excitable man. Not like Flora. "I will push my appointments, if you do something for me."

          "Oh boy," I sighed, "what do you want?" I had these ideas swirling through my mind. Bandits took my stuffed animal from when I was a kid, or better yet, a _dragon_ took my virgin bride and I want her back. So when he opened his mouth and uttered his request I was shocked, "I'm sorry you want _what_?"

          "Your signature, endorsing our business here."

          "Are you for real? That's it?" Talk about Jane Shepard-ing me here. That woman got so many discounts because she endorsed a business. _Several_ businesses and they were _all_ her 'favorite store on the Citadel'.

          Gabriel let out that low chuckle again, "What did you think I'd ask you to do?"

          "Save your dog from possession." I gave him a smile, "Gabriel, you have yourself a deal."

          Then he surprised me. He knelt down in front of Amara and gave her a smile. A _genuine_ smile that showed his teeth, they were crooked and white but it was a warm smile. It touched his eyes, "Would you like to pick out your earrings?"

          "Yes!"

 

The days passed quickly. All too soon Amara was on the back of her small pony making for Skyhold with the three Advisors and a large group of Inquisition Soldiers. Ellana led her group south to the Storm Coast. She swore they'd be done and off to find the Gray Wardens before I arrived. She was welcome to it. The sooner I could get out of that part of the world—it was a desert landscape—the better. Dorian and Bull went with her, along with Fenris and Hawke. For once I was not sad to see Dorian go. He had a Qunari to back him. Varric and Cassandra tagged along with me. Zevran wanted to come but I put a firm foot down and Leliana distracted him with her own private mission. Something to do with Josie's needs. Good, the Antivan could comfort the Antivan while the rest of us went off and played at war.

          Amara secured a promise from me that I would return. I had a feeling that this was going to be a constant request, to ensure that I would come back for her. So this time I swore a whole new oath. _Death cannot keep me from you_. That seemed to settle her nerves and she was happier to leave me than she'd ever been. Probably had something to do with her continuing her lessons with Leliana. I approved of that. Leliana was one of the best and could fill in the stupid gaps I left in her training.

          My little group headed south. I was not happy to find myself back on a boat. Solas was watching me closely for any sort of sickness, lately I'd been able to keep all sorts of things down I hadn't in the past. I didn't know if it was a good or bad thing but I was snacking on all sorts of things while he and Vivienne watched from the side.

          Cassandra still did not speak at length to me. Which I was okay with. She _stabbed_ me. I'm good with us being quiet war companions. She'd have my back, I'd have hers, we'd be okay. Varric though... Varric Tethras was prying for information. His little Dwarf Eyes saw too much for my comfort and I spent most of my time going 'oh look! A shark!' and then bailing from the conversation. It wouldn't be long until everyone was able to put two and two together. Not like my belly wasn't getting larger by the week.

          My little bump was turning into a 'food baby' and _someone_ was going to notice.

          To make things more comfortable for the women—and we only had two tents—once we made land fall Vivienne, Cassandra, and I shared one tent while Solas and Varric shared the other. Gypsy laid quietly around the fire, keeping watch with her sensitive hearing. That didn't mean that people stopped keeping watch though. We traded off each night

          The Exalted Plains couldn't come quickly enough, but on the afternoon of our fifth day traveling we finally found ourselves on the edge of its border. Several signs were posted about the dead rising and that sounded like so much _fun_. The War of the Lions had come to a temporary cease fire because of the dead.

          Not to mention there was a Dalish camp kicking around here I wanted to avoid on the strict idea that it would be best to keep the person they feared most away from them. Ellana be damned and her request we seek them out. I'd feign we got lost or something. I would not submit Fen'Harel to the Dalish and vice versa.

          Solas made his stance on the Dalish quite clear and Ellana told his stories around the camp fire as if they were cautionary tales. Honestly, I'd almost cracked up once or twice and been tempted to look at Solas just to ask 'really?'. Something tells me neither of them would appreciate my candor about that situation.

          "So," I looked up into the sky, attempting to gauge how much daylight we had left, "where is this snowy wyvern?"

          Vivienne pulled out a note attached to a map. "My sources indicate it is to the north." She pointed to a spot.

          "Right," I squinted at the map, "and we are… where?"

          Varric choked back a chuckle and I glared at him.

          "Perhaps we would fare better if we found some landmarks?" Solas offered quietly beside me. He and Vivienne hadn't exactly been making strides in their relationship but at least she was no longer calling him a hobo.

          "The Apostate offers good advice," Vivienne sniffed and I forced myself not to stiffen.

          _Don't let them stress you out._ I cautioned internally. _Stress is bad for the baby. Bad. For. The. Baby._

          It had become my mantra, what I chanted over and over again in my mind. Those words flowed through my mind more times than I could even count. And it seemed like Solas was perfectly fine rising to the occasion to insult her back.

          The Dread Wolf was snappy and witty. I knew this, but still to see it in action, for him to insult her so cleverly… it was so hard not to _laugh_ but Vivienne would be slighted and maybe I should have brought Bull instead of Solas. Because Bull was cowed by her, calling her ma'am and he actually _cleaned_ his sword when she sniffed in his direction. It was… kind of cute.

          But nope, here I was trudging through some Exalted Plains that were exhausting more than exalted and trying not to rip out what little hair I had left after my stunt at the Winter Palace.

          My head was cold and I wanted a beanie more than ever. Don't get me wrong, I loved this, wanted someone with skill to shave symbols into the sides of my head, perhaps a tattoo that I could show off for specific occasions? But… winter was approaching and my head was freezing.

          Varric walked forward and looked at the map, it was seconds before he pulled it out of Vivienne's grasp and started walking forward. "I'm the city dwarf, Chuckles I am surprised at you."

          "It is not often I am in need of a map, Master Tethras."

          Yeah, because he'd been asleep for over a millennium. I'd think he'd need one more. Drastic changes had to have happened to the landscape. Not like Humans were the kindest on lands. Strip mining and logging weren't on the scale that it had been back on Earth but… they were still kind of bad here.

          "Well, someone find a direction for us to go in so I can get back on Bread and not have to walk."

          "Are your feet still sensitive, _ma arasha_?" Solas approached and I resisted stepping away and hiding my feet from him.

          "Blisters are a bitch." I stated as I gently placed a hand on his chest to stop him from bending over to inspect my toes. "Nothing that I cannot handle."

          Solas nodded, but not before he pulled me to him and gave me a hug. Vivienne coughed drily into her hand and I sighed, head dropping back.

          "Have we found the direction?" I asked the sky.

          "North." Varric offered helpfully.

          "How vary vague of you." Vivienne snatched the map out of his hand.

          "Apologies, Iron Lady." Varric mock bowed, "Shall we go south instead?"

          "Alright, alright." I stepped away from them and shoved a foot into Bread's stirrup, "We've been on the road for a while after the ball. We've gotten used to certain comforts we don't have now. Vivienne don't poke at Varric."

          "As you wish Anointed."

          Again with that title. I hated it so damned much.

          "Just…" Ugh there was no way she'd just call me Luna, "get on the horse."

          Gypsy wandered over and shoved her nose to my stomach before sniffing several times. I rested my elbow on top of her head before pulling Bread north.

          How long could it take to find a marsh like area that the snowy wyvern was prone to inhabiting?

          Honestly, I should have kept my mouth shut.

 

It was another three days before we were able to deduce we needed to shift the rocks that barred the entrance to the one place we hadn't scoured for this stupid wyvern. I did not want to know how many rifts we came across or how many undead we put down. How many pyres we burned. This was the road trip from hell.

          "Right, move." I demanded, "I'm tired, I want to go _home_ but I can't because I have to adult." They stood there and watched me.

          "Ah… Ghost adult is not a verb." Varric offered. He watched me closely.

          "Or stand there and be shot off with the rocks." I nodded, "I can live with that."

          So I might be a little cranky.

          I thrust out a hand, causing a singularity to swirl in the spaces between the rocks. The four of them quickly moved. Cassandra had been so quiet—not even arguing with Varric which was her _favorite_ pastime—that I was becoming worried about her. I almost forgot about her entirely until she let out a string of curses and a smaller rock bounced off of her raised shield.

          "Is that entirely necessary?"

          "Don't talk." I stated quietly, devoting all of my attention to the space in front of me. With the singularity swirling I needed to _move_ them without actually rocketing them off into oblivion to land on some poor sod.

          With a grunt I threw out another singularity, to the right of it to where the rocks closest to it stopped moving, caught between the gravitational force of the two. Sweat beaded my brow. I'd need to eat a lot after this. Normally I loaded up on carbs before biotic intensive exercises but…

          "Fuck me." I muttered as I tossed out another singularity, this time to the left. Maintaining two of them was something that I had never attempted before, let alone three of them.

          "Anointed?" Vivienne stepped closer, "Are you quite alright?"

          "Don't _talk_." I stated again, the singularities momentarily flaring before I refocused upon them. Shit I didn't think it would be _this_ difficult to do. The middle one died as I withdrew my energy from it. The rocks that had been floating between the three of them moved so that there was an opening behind the rocks.

          "That looked difficult." Varric stated, "I thought you were all powerful."

          "Varric," I slumped over and glared at him. That took more out of me than expected. I didn't like it at all. Probably because I was eating enough for two when I needed to eat for five. The baby was consuming more energy than I had been aware of. It was time to up my intake of food. "I would _love_ to see you move boulders of that caliber with ease. Can you do that?"

          Varric chuckled, "Relax Ghost, I was just noting that I've seen you do some crazy shit, come back from even crazier shit and you never looked that worn out."

          "Food." I mumbled, "Need food to fuel the biotics. Normally I eat like a cow but-" I cut off and cast a worried glance toward Solas. "I haven't been eating as much as I normally would." I finished lamely. Secrets. Secrets were going to be the death of me.

          Solas approached with food. Fruit native to this planet along with cuts of meat that had been dried.

          "Do we need to stop?" Solas asked quietly as I leaned against him, "That took more out of you than normal. Do you require a full cooked meal?"

          Oh seven hells would that be a perfect. A warm meal in my belly and a nap? That sounded absolutely fabulous at the moment. _But_ we had a wyvern to track down and I would be damned before I put a pause on our mission and us getting out of the Exalted Plains.

          "I'm good, just gonna munch on the road." I smiled up at him and took a bite out of a crisp fruit that tasted like kiwi. Once he turned around, I started to inhale the food. Bread came over and nudged me. I sighed and held up an apple for the brute. He devoured it and tried to pull another from my pile. I gave him an affronted growl and stepped sideways.

          Only to have Gypsy snag a piece of meat from my stash. I jerked away from her and glared. Bread took that opportunity to snatch another apple from my arms.

          " _Enough_." I growled through a mouthful of food. Neither animal looked contrite. They just watched the food in my arms.

          Cassandra came to my rescue. She approached Bread with a bag of grain that could be slipped over his face so he could eat and walk at the same time. When she was finished there, she threw a large chunk of meat to Gypsy.

          "Thank you," I stated quietly.

          "There is no need to thank me, Anointed." Cassandra deflected. "I am simply ensuring that you eat enough." Her gaze flicked toward my belly and back up to my eyes.

          Son of a bitch she noticed. How could she not _notice_? I was stupid. When changing in the tent Cassandra must have seen my stomach. She wasn't stupid, she would know what's what.

          "A word?" I asked and jerked my head away from the rest of them. It was an open secret now. I wouldn't be surprised if Solas actually knew but was waiting for me to say something. He wasn't acting different. He let me do what I like to do, i.e. he allowed me to fight, to get up close and hammer people into the ground.

          But… what if he didn't know? And I was caged again? I couldn't handle another attempt to ensure I was 'safe'. I—logically—knew that Solas wasn't Jack. Solas wouldn't abuse me because he _loved_ me. Solas wasn't that kind of man. He was good, and kind. He actually cared about me instead of my body he treasured my mind. Sure, the original attraction was physical but since then he came to appreciate my brain and my intelligence.

          I will be the first to say I am not on part with a genius but I wasn't stupid.

          "Anointed I would like to apolo-"

          I interrupted Cassandra. My fist connected to her face and I felt the snap of a bone. Her nose was broken. She'd suffer for all of five minutes before I healed her.

          Cassandra—true to form—drew her weapon and pointed at me, anger etched deeply in her gaze.

          "We're even now." I stated calmly. "No need to apologize, you stab me, I break your nose. Stop tip toeing around me. I am not fragile, I will not break. Just because I am pregnant doesn't mean I can't fight. And this… thing between us can now end."

          Cassandra seemed at a loss for words. It was a first for me, honestly this woman had questions for everything under the sun. Her gaze shifted from angry to confused, back to angry and then acceptance.

          "It is acceptable." She nodded and sheathed her sword. "What did you wish to discuss?"

          "Solas doesn't know yet." I was blunt. I didn't know any other way. I wasn't one to beat around the bush or walk on egg shells.

          Cassandra's eyes widened slightly, "He is the father, why would you not tell him?"

          "Because it might not be his." I corrected softly, "There was another, just a few months before him. I… am not sure of the gestation period of an elf. Do we carry as long as humans? Nine months? I'm barely showing so I'm almost positive it is Solas' baby but… what if we carry longer? I can't be certain."

          Cassandra nodded, "He should know regardless."

          "I am aware, and as soon as I take care of this… Erimond character he will know."

          "I will keep your secret." Cassandra assured, "For now."

          It was the best I was going to get. Cassandra didn't like secrets, so that she was willing to keep it at all was almost on par with a miracle.

          "Thank you."

          "If you are quite finished beating each other," Vivienne approached, "Varric has located a marsh that is the native habitat for the snowy wyvern."

          "Excellent." I smiled, "We shall get you the heart of the snowy wyvern Vivienne." Vivienne had yet to tell me why she wanted it, but she was used to keeping her cards close to her chest. She'd either not tell me at all, or I'd know. A favor was a favor. You didn't pry and they didn't use anything as leverage in attempt to get it.

          This mission was purely for Vivienne, because she asked it of me. She was my friend, as snake like as she could be, she was actually very kind. Her actions were not something that anyone expected, least of all me.

          "Thank you," Vivienne gave me a soft smile before turning to her mare.

          I whistled for Bread and Gypsy. Both of them came at a trot. It had been interesting when Gypsy grew into her monstrous self. Patiently, I watched their interactions. Waiting to intervene in a fight. It never came.

          Either they became friends, or Gypsy was still afraid of Bread after he almost trampled her when she'd been nothing but a tiny pup. So, as they approached me side by side, I wondered what other creatures could overcome their instincts and become friends if they were in the right environment.

 

It wasn't long before we wandered into the marsh lands that Varric found. Who promptly took the time to complain about how the water—in certain places—went up to his ass.

          "Ghost want to make a bet?" Varric asked nonchalantly. My eyes narrowed and I looked at the dwarf. "Don't worry, it isn't a bad one."

          "Alright," I nodded, "what did you want to bet on."

          "Normally at this point in the adventure we're ass deep in trouble. We haven't had near enough confrontation since we entered the Exalted Plains. My bet is something is going to go sideways when we find the wyvern."

          "Well aren't you just the pessimist." I smirked, "Alright, I can be the optimist. I'll take your bet. What do you get if you are correct?"

          "A game of Wicked Grace and some answers when we get back to Skyhold."

          I looked at him intently. "I get to say no to… lets go with three questions."

          "Deal, and if you are correct?"

          "I want a favor, no questions asked, to be determined at a later date. A blank check if you will."

          Varric was quiet for a long moment. "Nothing extravagant. I won't buy you a house."

          Laughter spilled out of my mouth as we continued to walk. The horses were tethered up at the entrance. It was dangerous for them to be out here. The marshes had a way of swallowing people whole, and for a horse that could mean that they became lame.

          "No, Varric it won't be materialistic." I didn't know what I wanted right now, "At least not on that scale."

          "Then we have a bet."

          A roar interrupted out conversation. My head snapped toward the sound and I notched an arrow to the string, ready to shoot at any moment.

          "We have been found." Solas states quietly, "There." He points, and he is correct. In the direction he indicated there was a huge wyvern charging for us.

          Cassandra rushed the creature, screaming and slamming her sword against her shield to get its attention. The creature changed its course to the Seeker. The arrow I had against the string pulled back with little thought. Breath left me and I aimed up slightly.

          Long bows were not mean for close combat. That was for a recurve; which I did not have, so as soon as that creature was out of my range and closer than I wanted I was going to have to go in and get dirty.

          The arrow skittered off of the wyvern’s scales. I let out a _tsk_ sound and swung the bow over my shoulder so it rested against my back with the string nestled against my chest.

          My body rushed forward, daggers drawn. Varric shot bolt after bolt at the creature. Some of them stuck others did not. With every bolt that he fired the creature let out a sound that was akin to pain.

          Cassandra kept its attention and as I approached, I grabbed one of the bolts that stuck and shoved it deeper into its body. It flailed in pain, letting out a keening noise that almost shattered my heart.

          It was magnificent, this creature. Rare, hunted to the verge of extinction and here I was helping to kill another that was doing nothing but vying for survival. Why this was crossing my mind right _now_ when I was killing it was beyond me.

          Solas and Vivienne each flung spells. Barriers, both front loaded and even ones coated us at any given moment. I hit the beast with slam, pushing it into the ground when it would have taken a chunk from Cassandra. She was a helluva tank.

          The wyvern twisted, his jaws snapping where Cassandra and I were. We two dashed around him, twisting back and forth. A dagger slid into a soft spot, or a shield bashed against its face. The battle was long, dangerous, and absolutely exhilarating.

          My magic yearned to snap at the wyvern in front of me but I held it back with the tips of my fingers, choosing instead to throw biotics, to hit it with throw and watch as it skidded two feet to the side. The larger the creature the less distance they traveled. This was a huge animal.

          From the myriad of wounds and the sheer force of our combined power the wyvern fell. Cassandra delivered the death blow, sliding her sword neatly through the scales to sever the nerves that ran across the back of its neck. The killing blow was near painless for the beautiful wyvern before me.

          I pushed a hand to my face and covered my mouth. My lids slid closed and I felt the hot trace of a tear falling from my lashes. I swiped with the other hand and turned away.

          _Why_ was I crying? I'd killed monsters and small nugs. I had not cried over a kill since I was forced into the Turian military. I killed _people_ for crying out loud. I shouldn't be crying over this. It was sad yes, and I would probably remember this forever, carry it through my many lives but… why cry?

          "Luna?" Cassandra asked quietly, "Are you alright?"

          "Fine," I sniffed at her. "Vivienne needs the heart intact, I… I cannot skin the beast but please ensure that everything is used. I am not a trophy hunter."

          The ground rumbled beneath us and there was a tell-tale gurgle of something about to be spat at us. Something that I'd never heard before but I wouldn't forget, _ever_ in my life.

          "Move!" Cassandra barked, shoving me in front of her. Seconds later the water was bombarded with electricity. "Dragon!"

          Shit, I owed Varric an interview.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, this chapter was a little longer than normal. 8.5k words. Well... honestly it was like a double update. But ya'll deserve it. 
> 
> *Quote from Silence of the Lambs. Gotta love Hannibal Lecter.


	43. Dancing with Dalish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angry air fluttered out of his nose, "We are not like you, we do not attack those that have been invited into our camp without provocation."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thanks to Kali_Maa for editing not only this chapter, but the last two as well. I have all of them ready to post! This story is _officially_ completed. Or... part one is. Part two is a work in progress.

A mad cackle fell from between parted lips. Silvery hair dangled in front of my eyes, the world spun at an odd angle and my hand forced the barrier farther away from the surface of my skin.

          This dragon was magnificent; a deep blue with yellow slicing through like bolts of lightning. When massive jaws opened electricity crackled between wickedly sharp teeth, threatening to swallow any one of us whole. Varric was next to me, hiding safely behind my barrier. Solas was a little ways away from us, the edges of his coat were singed and across his skin were the tell-tale marks of electricity burns that scattered across his left side. He hadn't been quick enough.

          Cassandra was busy dancing with the lady, careful to stay away from the lightning that spewed forth frequently. It seemed that they knew metal and water conducted electricity here, which I found interesting and I kind of wanted to know who figured it out and how. It was probably funnier in hindsight.

          The four of us were buying time for Vivienne. She was still busy working on getting the heart of the wyvern. It would be such a waste, and it would piss me off, if we came all this way and didn't get what she needed. Nope, it wasn't going to go down like that. Vivienne would have all the necessary time to get that damned heart.

          Gypsy darted between the dragon's legs, snapping at tender spots, attempting to rip ligaments from bones. I saw the fatigue draining her, each movement was a little slower than the last. We needed to do something and fast, or this was going to go downhill quickly.

          All of this meat was going to go waste and the child inside of me that grew up hungry was angry at the prospect of it just spoiling in the sun.

          Maybe we would stop by the Dalish camp after all. Just a quick pop by to let them know that there was an available source of meat. Maybe we'd run into one of their hunters. It would be nice not to have to run into a horde of them. Loved Dalish elves, really I did, but if I had to hear another speech about how Dalish perverted memories or about _Vallaslin_ one more time… I was probably gonna be less nice than I currently was.

          "Suck it!" I screamed as I punched out with a fist. Shock wave ripped from my grasp, water splashed at regular intervals until it slammed into the side of her neck. It didn't do much damage but it drew her attention to me and away from Cassandra who was pinned between a dragon and a rock. Not a comfortable place to be.

          "Really?!" Varric shouted from beside me. He tucked and rolled away as the Dragon bore down upon me. "Ghost you are suicidal and _crazy_!" Laughter spilled from between my lips and I rolled to the side seconds before a large claw came crashing down on my barrier. It shattered but I was gone, dancing away from her elegant movements.

          "Crazy is fun." I countered as I chucked throw at her head, trying to draw her attention away from the ranged fighters. A dagger flipped up into my hand and I tossed it toward her eyes. Missed, as I predicted, but her attention was still firmly on me. She snorted lightning and I scrambled to get out of the water.

          Vivienne's healing magic settled over me and a quick glance showed she was slightly covered in blood but definitely in the fray.

          "Darling crazy is never fun." Vivienne chided. She stepped in front of me, magic drawn between both of her hands. She twisted in on herself before flinging it at the dragon's back. Cassandra had reclaimed its attention. "It is, however, extremely interesting."

          "Aww…" I chuckled, "I think you just complimented me."

          "Do not get used to it." Vivienne gave me a half smirk.

          The High Dragon had incredible stamina and she moved with such grace for one as large as her. Some part of me wondered how old she was, what she had survived. Scars mottled her brilliant hide, telling a story that we would never know. Were they simply because she had been clumsy as a dragonling, or had someone else tried to take her down only to become her dinner?

          It was an hour, perhaps longer, before the dragon was overcome. She stuttered to her side, a keening sound echoing from her jaws. All of us sported wounds in one fashion or another. Battered and bruised, bloody and beaten, but we were still alive. Bile rose up in my throat as the High Dragon drew her last breath. My head canted to the side and I spit out what I could, nearly falling over.

          Warms hands steadied me and I looked up to see storm blue eyes watching me. "Are you alright, my heart?"

          "Fine," I breathed. Hands clenched around air when all they wanted was to rest upon my stomach to assure myself that the child growing inside of me was fine. Instead they came up to push against closed eyes. "Tired, but see to the others. I can take care of myself a little while longer."

          He helped me to sit down. It was in the water but I was already soaked. It didn't matter to me. I reclined, allowing the water to bear my weight and I floated, relaxing my different muscles until I slowly slipped into something akin to waking sleep.

          A snuffling _cold_ nose pressed against my cheek followed quickly by a warm wet tongue. My head jerked to the side, coating a good portion of my face in bloody, gritty, _dirty_ water. I sat up, gasping. My hands flailed out to the side, the right one connecting to soft warm fur. Gypsy. Of course, it was my mischievous wolf.

           Slowly I looked around at my rag tag team. Cassandra's hair was standing on end and in her cool eyes was a deep-set fatigue. Varric had a gash over one of his eyebrows and it was slowly weeping blood into his eyes. Occasionally a hand rose to swipe it away. Vivienne was at the very edge of my vision. I only caught glimpses of her horns. She had not managed to retain her pristine look in the midst of that fight.

          Solas was sitting on the ground with his head in his hands. He, of all of them, looked the worst for wear. My heart ached at the sight of the electricity burns, the small lines that danced across his open skin that looked like the twisting lightning that struck during a thunder storm. How many hits had he taken? How many could he take?

          Often, he told me that he was not what he once was, that he had yet to regain his full magic after raising the veil. That was thousands of years ago, how long was he going to have to rest before he was _himself_ again? Would he ever be the Dalish boogie-man again?

          The light from the setting sun drew me from myself. The swamps did not seem like the place to be when full dark struck. Using Gypsy as a crutch I forced myself to my feet and let out a whistle. I was this party's leader. Kind of, right? I was second in command, right behind Ellana.

          It took a minute but all of them lifted their heads to look at me, their eyes glazed over.

          "Let's go find a dry place to sleep, yeah?" I called out as loudly as I could. It wasn't very loud. Each of them let out a groan but rose to their feet. I nodded, though no one looked at me.

          Night was falling fast quickly robbing the humans and the dwarf of their sight. Solas, in a kind gesture, muttered a spell and blew on the tip of his staff. A bright light that started out small grew quickly in the crystal embedded in his weapon until we could see in every direction for at least six yards. A thankful smile crossed my lips and I trudged forward, ever forward.

 

"I do not know you flat-ear."

          Instantly my hackles were up. "The fuck did you call me?" I took a half step forward, hand grasping at my side for the dagger that I threw earlier. Yeah, I didn't find it. Waste and right now a pain in my ass.

          It was two days to get here, _two_ because the damned Dalish hid like a country boy in camo during hunting season; like the damn Devil himself. To top it off night was falling, casting weird shadows across the plains.

          "You should go back to where you came from." another spat, and after the week we had, my temper just about evaporated. Vivienne let out a sigh and when I tilted my head to look at her, she was looking at a spot on her armor she had missed. She wasn't responding to the unfolding events. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and forced my attention back to the Dalish elf that was lucky to be breathing.

          "Alright, you are correct," I held up both hands and glared at them, "you _don't_ know me, but tattoos or no tattoos the same blood runs through our veins." To _think_ I had defended them at one point in time. To Solas, who was _right_ about them. Or at least this particular bunch. Man, I would kill for Ellana to walk up right now and see how they were treating members of _her_ Inquisition.

          "Do not insult us."

          Bows with very pointy arrows lifted into the air, pointed directly at me. I was pretty sure I could stop them all and block any that were hidden from my view among the large boulders that were scattered across these wretched plains.

          "Can I just talk to your…" I trailed off and looked at Solas, "would it be chief? Leader?"

          Solas gave me a secret smile, positioning his head so those above us could not see the amusement dancing across his features. "The word you are looking for, _ma arasha_ , is Keeper."

          "Ah-ha!" I snapped my fingers, "Knew it was something funky like that." My attention returned to the—now _more_ insulted Dalish elf with purple eyes—"Can we speak with your Keeper and not your snarky ass." It was a statement, not a question. Give these people a question and they would never answer. Maybe I could force my way through this.

          Gypsy would have been a huge help here, or they would have shot her on sight causing me to go on a murder rampage… it was a toss-up. Quite literally; I flipped a coin. It came up heads, which was my scenario about them shooting her, so she was wandering somewhere close by. Probably just over the ridge. Or… half a league away. She'd come back eventually.

          An arrow fired off. Caught me off guard too. Only quick reflexes saved the day. At the _twang_ the bow made my hand shot up, a glittering blue barrier burst into existence around my group. My face hardened.

          "No outsiders." The leader spoke. I was really getting tired of him.

          Cassandra stepped forward, "We are with the Inquisition, and we wish to speak with your Keeper. Our intention is to forge an alliance. The Inquisitor sent us."

          It was difficult to resist snorting into my hand. Usually Cassandra was rushing in with her sword drawn to stab someone in their tender bits.

          Another elf stepped forward, this one did not look hostile and did not have a weapon pointed anywhere near me or mine.

          "The Keeper wishes to speak with her." He pointed at me. One of the others scoffed and the young elf flushed.

          "Loranil," the word—name?—was whispered like a curse, "what have you done?"

          "What you should have done." Loranil countered, "They asked to see the Keeper, which is more than other shems would have done."

          "Just her." The ring leader begrudgingly stated, glaring at me. "No one else."

          "Fuck you buddy." I chirped as I walked forward. There was an outcry from behind me and I stopped, canting my head to look at my friends, "Don't worry, they can't kill me." I winked at Solas and tapped my nose before facing forward. As I came abreast with the leader of the shit storm that was the hunter elves I paused, "I, on the other hand, _will_ kill you if anyone of them comes to harm. You, not those who shot them; _you_."

          Angry air fluttered out of his nose, "We are not like _you_ , we do not attack those that have been invited into our camp without provocation."

          "But they have not been invited in, have they?" I countered, still refusing to look at him. To look at him was to show respect, and this man had anything but from me.

          "Please, follow me." Loranil called over his shoulder, and so I did. He led me past the majority of the camp. I saw dwindling supplies and halla that roamed freely. They bleated at me before darting away. No doubt they smelled Gypsy on my clothing and in my hair… on my skin. Hell, I probably reeked of wet wolf.

          "Please forgive my clansmen." Loranil stated quietly, "The war that has claimed this land has not been good to those caught in the middle. We have tried to stay out of it, but the fighting spilled into our camp more than once. It is why we are so far away from anyone else."

          "Caution I could forgive, they were hateful." I replied, "You and I are no different, except for the accident of birth. You could have been born to any number of elves that reside inside the cities, but you were born here. We all bleed the same color, and go back far enough we share the same ancestors." Or at least my body did. Or… maybe not. I still wasn't sure in that department. _Had_ I possessed someone? Or was this body made custom order when I came through?

          "Your companion, the other elf, he did not look happy to be here." This elf was observant, or Solas beat them over the head with his glares and his quiet remarks. "He does not share the same beliefs you do."

          "Uh…" I let out a small chuckle, "He has had a taste of… your clansmen's idea of _hospitality_. More than once."

          "He must not have come at a good time." Loranil paused and looked at me, "My people are not aggressive by nature, but in response to aggression."

          "Solas attempted to share past wisdom, when it did not line up with what had been _verbally_ passed down, he was run out of camps much like this one."

          "My people have carefully cultivated our history. No one knows it better than the Dalish."

          Except for someone who _lived_ during the rising of Arlathan. Solas was there when it was _built_ for fucks sake. "Solas is a dreamer, he walks the fade glimpsing memories." I dead panned, "Do not tell me that he does not see a version of the truth. Your people refuse to accept anything that paints what they know in a dim or wrong light."

          Loranil looked thoughtful, "I did not wish to cause you irritation. It was my intent to express the thoughts that go through my… _our_ peoples’ minds. You are correct and I apologize on their behalf."

          I blinked in surprise, "You have no need to apologize, Loranil. You have done nothing wrong."

          "Our Keeper is just over here." Loranil gave me a smile, "Thank you, for the illuminating conversation."

          I nodded and returned a smile, "Thank you for your kindness in a sea of hostilities." Loranil walked away and I approached the Keeper. I knew that Dalish were resistant to any that were not of their blood but this was almost stupid.

          "Allow me to apologize for the behavior of my Clan. It is not our habit to attack those that come in peace. This war has strained many tempers and they seek an outlet. Perhaps a little too eagerly, I will speak with them." He offered me a small smile, it was one that a patience parent would give a willful child. It set my teeth on edge. I was not one of his to coddle. "Do you seek aid?"

          "To offer it," I countered and flicked a rock across the ground with the tip of my boot. His tone was a little… condescending. Almost as if I were a bumbling fool simply because I had no tattoos on my face. Or it could be me projecting, who knows? "Two days back my group was attacked by a high dragon as we searched for something in particular. It is to the north of here, the two mages that accompany me have placed a preservation spell upon it." I finally allowed my gaze to meet his. For some reason I did not like this man. "We have taken what we need, but we cannot use all of it."

          "Why give us this? Surely there are others that would benefit from it?" Suspicion clouded his gaze which had turned sharp.

          "Ellana Lavellan requested that I offer aid to you if I was in a position."

          "Lavellan?" The Keeper looked astonished, "They are quite far from their clan."

          "That is beside the point." I stated, "The Inquisitor wanted to extend the hand of friendship to you, so the dragon's remains are to the north. I will leave a map with Loranil-"

          "You may leave it with me." The Keeper's hand shot out a little too eagerly.

          "I will leave it with _Loranil_." I repeated and forced my jaw to unclench, "He was the first, and so far, the _only_ to approach my group with open arms. I will freely trade information with people who treat mine with kindness."

          Loranil must have heard his name because he approached and looked down at me. He was at least a head taller than I. "Keeper I wish to join her."

          Okay, _now_ I was floored.

          "No." His rebuttal was quick and decisive.

          "You barely know us," I glanced at the Keeper before returning my eyes to Loranil. "Why join us?"

          "It is something I have wanted for quite some time." Loranil explained, "This is not a quick decision. Even out here we have heard tales of the Inquisitor and the silver haired elf that follows her. Your appearance here was like a sign from the Creators."

          "I will not allow this." The Keeper restated.

          "I'm sorry," I held up a hand, "I do not see how _you_ can stop him. His is a grown man, puts on his underwear all by himself." The Keeper let out a strangled noise, "You would leave everything behind and join the Inquisition. Just like that?"

          Loranil smiled, "Your thoughts have intrigued me, and the Inquisition is standing for the world. Last I checked we lived in this world. If the Inquisition does not succeed where does that leave my people?"

          "In a shit storm." I nodded, "There is a vetting process, I'm sure. Leliana will probably want to question you first but I see no reason you cannot join."

          "We do not know you; I will not allow one of my hunters to run off with you." The Keeper spoke louder, "For all we know you are not associated with the Inquisition but are highway robbers."

          Gypsy stepped from the shadows at that moment, a low growl echoing across the short distance. I flicked a lazy glance toward her. "You know many women fitting my description?" I asked casually, slowly moving to put myself between the wolf and the Keeper with no manners. "Is it an elf thing?" Maybe I'd make him mad and he'd go away.

          "Creators!" Loranil swore beside me. When I looked at him, he was staring at Gypsy. Her head swiveled toward him and she took a half step. Her hackles were standing up and I needed to diffuse this situation before someone got eaten.

          Did I like the Keeper? No, no I did not. I like Loranil and he liked the Keeper. So, Keeper stays alive because Loranil wanted to join the Inquisition.

          And… how bad would it look for the Inquisition if a Dalish Keeper got eaten by a large black wolf? People would say I walked with the Dread Wolf. Which… I did more than _walk_ with him but we weren't advertising that.

          "Gypsy, that's enough." I stated while snapping my fingers. Once I had her attention, I pointed next to me, "Lay down, love."

          She looked resistant for a moment. Her gaze traveling back to look at the Keeper before she padded over to me and dropped. Once she was settled, she pushed her head up against my torso and I leaned on her.

          "You were saying?" I asked as I glared at the Keeper. "I'm a Highway Robber?" My hand made a waving motion, encouraging him to continue. Gypsy seemed to have shocked him enough that he was at a loss for words. "Wolf got your tongue?" I grinned, feeling no warmth in my eyes as I watched him squirm.

          "The wolf is yours?" Loranil asked.

          "Not _mine_ ," I corrected gently as I twisted to look at the young Dalish hunter. "She is my friend. A big difference."

          "Keeper, there cannot be two Elvhen women that match her description that have a wolf." Loranil whispered, his gaze still locked on Gypsy. "Please, I wish for your consent to travel with the Inquisition."

          The Keeper was almost white. "We cannot afford to lose you. Not to shems."

          "This…" I sighed and pinched my nose. "Stop calling me a shem. Do you even know what it means?" I snapped at him, "Hmm? Do you? It means _quick_. Basically, your term for _humans_ means short lived. To the Ancient Elvhen _you_ are shems."

          The Keeper looked like he wanted to say something but lost the nerve for it. I shook my head at him. "Loranil is your clan in need of anything?"

          I refused to engage the Keeper anymore. I wanted nothing to do with him. Dalish… humans… Qunari… this world couldn't seem to look past the shape of ears.

          Loranil was quiet for a moment. "We are low on pelts and certain herbs. I do not know the extent of it, it is not my assignment to keep track of our supplies."

          "Well, I will let _you_ know that if you join the Inquisition that we could squirrel away several items that would benefit your clan. All you would have to do is fill out a requisition form for them. The Inquisition wants to help everyone, not just save the world." I pushed off of Gypsy and walked away. "Solas has a map to the dragon. If you follow me, I'll fetch it for you."

          I was done here. My nerves were frayed and I was walking a blade with my temper. I didn't _want_ to be Anointed, didn't want the responsibility that came with the title. Politics were beyond me. I was a hammer, a tool. Someone dispatched to fix a problem, not someone who dispatched others to fix problems.

          On the way out of the camp I didn't look at anyone or anything. I didn't want to know. It was difficult for me, even after all this time; to walk among the Dalish and see distrustful faces, knowing that they were capable of great kindness, if you were one of _them_. Rather upsetting for me. Sometimes, like now, I caught myself thinking of this world as a video game and just reloading the last save if I didn't like the dialogue options or if I messed up. There was no reset button here. This world was real, and I wasn't sure how I kept forgetting that.

          "Fuck me." I whispered quiet enough that no one else heard me. Not even Loranil who was walking behind me.

          He was quiet until we reached my companions. Solas looked relieved to see me, the stress melting from his eyes. I smiled up at him and took Bread's reins from him.

          "Do you still have that map?" Solas looked at me, "The one that marks the dragon location?"

          "Of course." He nodded and dug it out of his pack. "Is everything alright, _ma arasha?_ "

          "Fine, just… tired of how everyone sees everyone else." I shook my head, "Give it to Loranil."

          I swung up into the saddle. It was a little harder than last week. My stomach, while still small, was getting larger each passing day. I needed to get to Hawke as soon as possible. Keeping this a secret wasn't really working out. I wasn't subtle, at _anything_.

          Well… I was just hoping to make it through to getting to the Wardens. There were a few questions I wanted to ask them about their current methods. I wasn't sure what they were currently up to but Alistair didn't agree with it, and he followed The Warden. If my understanding of that situation was correct, the Warden had been a little fierce and a lot of crazy. He took the strongest option no matter the cost.

          Loranil stood and watched me as I turned Bread toward the west and the last of the fading light.

          "I am not sure what to do." He confided. Solas let out a noise that sounded like disbelief.

          "What you want to do." I stated, "If you feel you can do more good here than at the Inquisition then stay, but if not? There is more than one Dalish camp for you to join. Is this one your home? Yes, but you do not need to be an outcast among your people forever. I'm sure that Ellana would speak to her Clan and you could join them if you wished, or at the Meeting of the Clans you could find a different one." I flashed a look in his direction, "The choice is ultimately yours, and no one else can dictate how you live your life."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll I don't think I have told you guys in a bit that I love your comments. They were a huge help in getting through these last few chapters. My mind was already stuck firmly in the next story. Thank you so much. 
> 
> Also, because I have the story finished (and I have no wait-a-minute) Chapter 44 will go up tomorrow, and 45 Saturday.


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited pregnancy reveal!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I gave a glowing testimony to Kali_Maa yet? No? I haven't? Well, allow me to do so now! She is an amazing beta!
> 
> There was some paragraphs added after she edited this chapter so any mistakes found within are entirely mine. 
> 
> Did anyone else notice that this story is above 200 kudos? It pretty much blew my mind. AND the amount of comments. You guys are just the best. I love each and every one of them.

The sun beat down upon my little group. Solas was the one to take the brunt of it, I was close behind him. His head was taking on a red color, while part of mine had protection but not much. Giving myself a Mohawk was turning out to be a bad idea. Half of my time was spent shifting my hair to hide my snow-white scalp from the sun, the other half was wiping sweat off of my brow.

          We'd been wandering for a few days, uncertain of where we were supposed to meet Ellana and the others, or if they had already arrived here. We were looking high and low for any sign of Inquisition camp or forces. So far, we were unsuccessful.

          Vivienne departed from my company shortly after we left the Dalish Camp. She had business to attend in Val Royeaux that could not be delayed, she asked for me to go with her but I declined, despite my inclination to follow her. She was a friend and I wanted to finish what we started together, but the Gray Wardens were a pressing matter that we could not overlook.

          Gypsy panted heavily beside me and I was certain I should have left her with Amara. A wolf as shaggy as her had no business roaming this desert.

          I twisted sideways in my saddle, a hand pressed just over my brow to block out the bright rays of the sun.

          "I don't see a damned thing." I grumbled.

          Just then we heard the cry of a raven. All of our heads jerked up to look into the sky. There against the glaring blue was a single black dot.

          "Follow it!" Cassandra barked and bolted after it. Bread pranced sideways and let out a shrill cry before spinning to chase her mare.

          Following a raven was easier said than done, for it flew as the crow did, over large obstacles, rocks and ravines that forced us to find a different way around all while keeping it in our sights. The bird never wavered from its course.

          "The bird is Leliana's!" Cassandra called back to me, "It will lead us to one of their camps."

          We followed it, crossing back over trails we'd left before from earlier wanderings. Pushing our mounts to their limits. Solas and I kept an eye on the bird, our sight being better than Cassandra's or Varric's. Sand scattered across the area in front of us, kicked up by the pounding hooves of the straining beasts.

          Eyes watered and throats threatened to close. There was no time to stop, only the pursuit of the black dot that was threatening to escape from our vision.

          It was as the sun was setting that a large fortress came into view. Solas saw it first, pointing to the Inquisition sigil flying proudly again purple sky. Relief swept through me and in that moment all I wanted was a bath. That looked like a place for a bath.

          I was covered in travel dust, and I think there was still a little bit of swamp somewhere in my hair. There hadn't been a proper water source to bathe in for weeks. If I had a mirror, I'm sure I wouldn't recognize the woman in front of it. Cassandra, I don't know how she or Vivienne did it, but she was clean except for a faint layer of dust over her armor. Varric looked the worst, covered in dust and other unmentionables.

          He was a little crabby. He was a _city_ dwarf. His words not mine. More than once I heard him complaining about the conditions of our traveling.

          "Ghost, no offense but I don't want to travel with you ever again." He grumbled and rubbed a spot on his lower back. "It is never like this with the Inquisitor."

          "Pfft…" I let out a snort, "because Ellana has infinitely better luck than I do." I shook out my hair, sending a cascade of dirt into the air around me. "Come on, who else but me would lead us into not one, but two bandit ambushes and almost start a war with a group of elves?"

          "Solas." Cassandra stated. I coughed into my hand and refused to look at him. Solas was sneakier than me, but yeah, he had bad luck too.

          My cough earned me a glare. Something was up with Solas but I had no idea what it was. When I asked him about it, he would dodge the question, push it to the side, whisper sweet nothings to me and press a kiss to my forehead. His moods were becoming difficult to decipher. Not only that but they were becoming darker by the day.

          Bread pranced his way through the main gates. I heard my name on several lips and my head turned to take everything in. It looked old, crumbling in places but it was well built and standing against the elements that ran rampant over this desert. Dirt was not kind to standing structures.

          My eyes were everywhere, searching through the horde that had gathered to look at my little group. I was looking for a pair of piercing blue eyes or a head covered in snow white hair standing tall above the group. I wanted a word with Hawke. It had waited long enough. My temper was in check, I could handle Fenris if I had to but I _needed_ to see Hawke so I could find out what the hell was happening with my pregnancy.

          By all accounts I should have been farther along than I appeared to be. So yes, I was going to track down Hawke. I just didn't know if she travelled with Ellana to take care of her business on the Storm Coast or if she was dispatched here directly.

          A soldier stepped forward and took Bread's reins. "Careful," I warned, "he bites." I scrambled off the back, "Who is in charge here?"

          The soldier looked me over before jerking his head toward the top tower. "Knight-Captain Rylen, he'll be wanting to check in with you."

          "I'll do just that, thank you." Solas, Cassandra and Varric looked dead on their feet. I felt the way they looked which probably meant I looked worse than they did. I wave a hand at them, "Go, get food, get rest."

          "And you?" Cassandra asked, her eyes darting down for the briefest of moments to rest on my small stomach.

          "I want to check in with this Rylen and then I'll be finding the closest bed. Bet on it."

          "Done." Varric called over his shoulder, "And I'm thinking I'm going to move up that Wicked Grace game, say… tonight?" He gave me a meaningful look and I wanted to stab him all over again. He was talking about our bet from the Exalted Plains. Not that I blamed him, I'd be curious as hell about me. But it wasn't like I could go around spouting out information.

          Solas pulled me to the side and with a little flick of his fingers we were in a modified barrier. "Are you alright?" His eyes were searching, "You have not been yourself for some time."

          I placed a gentle hand upon the side of his face and looked into his eyes. There was something there, in the deepest recesses that showed me he was genuinely worried. Despite his mood, despite whatever he was working his way through he was still here for me. And it meant the world to me.

          I blinked at him and fought not to chew on my lower lip. Guilt washed over me. Cole was right, he deserved to know about the child… or… 'them' as Cole so cryptically stated. Which had me even more worried. How was I going to handle several tiny versions of myself running around causing trouble? I didn't even think I could take care of _one_ let alone two.

          "I love you," I whispered at him, "and you are correct. I have not been at the top of my game." He lifted a brow, "Alright! I've been pretty off kilter for a bit. Can you give me a little time? I'm still working through stuff and I want to come to you with the whole, not bits and pieces."

          His eyes hardened, just a hair. If anyone else had been speaking with him they never would have noticed. I had hurt him. It was unintentional but I had done it none the less and it made me mad. Not at him, this was my doing. Solas knew something was up, I had been foolish to believe I could keep him from noticing.

          " _Ma nuvenin._ " If his tone was a little cold, I couldn't blame him.

          Solas' hand came up to cup the back of my neck, pulling me toward him. I stepped into him and wrapped my arms around his waist. His lips were soft against my forehead.

          And then he was gone, as was the barrier.

          It took me a while but I climbed to the top of the keep and looked for anyone who had an air of authority, or looked like they seen some shit in their day. There was only one man that stood out. He wore Inquisition colors, as was expected. But he had a tattoo on his face, four lines running down his chin, and one down his nose that curved over one nostril. His eyes were hard, battle worn and there was a no-nonsense expression on his face. A raven perched on his arm and he was pulling a note off of its leg.

          "Rylen?" I asked as I approached quicker than I wanted too. Every inch of me protested and my feet felt a little too big for my shoes. Which I'm sure wasn't supposed to happen until the later stages of pregnancy but… well I'd never been pregnant before and it wasn't like I could google it.

          He held up a finger while he read the message. It wasn't long until he tucked it away up a sleeve and turned to look at me. The bird departed from him to land nearby, drinking from a bowl.

          "You must be the Anointed." He snapped a salute, fist over his heart, "We were wondering when you'd finally show up."

          "At ease," I waved a hand. "Who’s we?"

          "The Inquisitor came through here, took over the fortress before departing with the Champion of Kirkwall and her Warden friend." He walked over to a nearby table, rifling through papers, "They were following a tip from the Warden, gone to some old Tevinter tower."

          "Do you know where?" I asked, eyes darting to the horizon in search of this tower.

          "No ma'am, that was on the Warden himself."

          "Right," I nodded. Alistair would have led them there and Ellana probably didn't leave any information on _where_ it was because they had to find it first. "Do we have an estimated time of return?"

          "The Inquisitor expected to return tonight."

          "Is there anything else I should know?" I half turned away from him, intent on finding that bath and at least a cushion to sleep on.

          "Nothing that we cannot handle, Anointed."

          "Very well," I walked away and almost ran down the stairs.

 

When Ellana rode through the gates she had a grim look on her face. Neither Hawke, Fenris or Alistair appeared to be in a better mood. Dorian was among the first to notice me along with Bull. Dorian leaned down to whisper something into Ellana's ear and she spun to take me in. She nodded once before holding up a hand to stall whatever Dorian was saying.

          Her group scattered but she bee lined for me and for some reason this caused dread to course through my veins.

          "You and I need to have a word." She was quiet and held out a hand. Always, _always_ those words sent a spike of adrenaline through my system and caused my heart to pound a little harder. She didn't appear to be mad at me, but pissed in general.

          "Sure." I nodded and followed her until we came to a small room off the beaten path. It was nearly empty, if you excluded the half-broken crates and cobwebs. I waited a moment but when she didn't say anything I spoke, "Something happened out there, didn't it?"

          "We came in contact with Livius Erimond." At his name blood rushed through my body, flooding my ears and blocking out all sound. Her lips were moving but she wasn't looking at me so she didn't see my face morph into pure unadulterated hatred.

          "You _what_?" I broke in when I could finally start to hear again, "Is he dead?"

          Ellana breathed through her nose before shaking her head, "He escaped-"

          "You let him _go_?" I accused, "Why would you do that?!"

          "I didn't have a _choice_ in the matter Luna!" She yelled at me, "Gray Warden mages summoned demons and turned into abominations. I was a little busy!"

          My fist slammed into a wall. I could feel my heart hammering away in my chest. A wordless scream ripped out of my throat and I picked up a crate to hurl it at the wall. It didn't help. None of it helped. The only thing I wanted was to see the life drain out of his eyes. I wanted his blood on my hands.

          It was monumental but I swallowed my rage and bottled it up before tucking it away inside of me. Ellana was not the source of my anger, she did not deserve the brunt of it.

          "Do we know where he is?" My voice was devoid of emotion. I didn't know how else to handle this situation. I hated it in that moment but… there was no room for anything else inside of me. All I knew was anger, hate. It was blinding and I couldn't look past it.

          "We believe that he has gone back to the Adamant Fortress." Ellana's voice sounded tired, "I'm sending word to Cullen to ask for our forces."

          "Why?" I spun, "I can break down the walls."

          "And take it with what men?" Ellana demanded, "Damn it Luna, think for a moment. You go in there right now and it will be a slaughter. You won't come out."

          "I'll come out." I promised, my voice promising more.

          "Fine," she snapped, "you will. But what of Solas? Or our men? Our friends? Will they come out?"

          I clenched my jaw and glared at the wall. Fuck logic at this moment. I wanted to walk in there promising death and ruin.

          "Clarel doesn't know what she is doing." Ellana pressed, her hand laying gently on my arm, "She believes that she will harness a horde of demons to march into the deep roads to end the Blights once and for all."

          I let out a bitter laugh, "They will do whatever it takes to win." My hand ran a rough path over my face to tangle in my hair, "How long will it take for our forces to arrive?"

          "I have no idea." Ellana shook her head, "For now, please don't do anything stupid."

          "I won't make that promise." I shook my head, "I need something to keep me busy." My bruised knuckles found the handle, "Send any missions in my direction. I'll see that they are done."

 

My feet dangled off the edge of the wall. An inky black sky hung over head. There were more stars in the sky to count, still none of them made sense to me but I filed away constellations and continued to watch. Below me, down on the different levels of the keep life moved on. Soldiers were sitting around fires and eating their evening meal. Merchants were packing up their good for the night. Everyone else was in a hush.

          Ellana broke the news of what took place today to Rylen. It was a secret so naturally everyone knew.

          I was supposed to be at a Wicked Grace game but I was not good company at the moment. I was actually waiting for Hawke to walk by so I could ambush her. It was high time to apologize to her and ask her questions about what the hell was happening to me. At this point I was convinced that they were Solas'. There was no way elves, who moved at a human speed, carried their babies this long. Nope, there was some sort of shenanigans going on in my stomach but I needed to _know_ one hundred percent. And how many babies were in said stomach because the suspense was killing me at this point in time.

          It was another hour before the game broke up and I saw Hawke walking the curtain wall. Fenris was not in tow. I slid from my perch, a blue biotic field shimmering into existence around me, slowing my decent. Hawke noticed the light show and turned to face me.

          "Oh," she dead panned, "it's you."

          "Yeah, it's me." I nodded. My palms brushed against my pants and I looked out to the desert again, "It is so strange to me, to look out there and see nothing but black."

          Hawke snorted, "What else would you see?"

          "Towers taller than the clouds." There was no way, in my mind, that I could ask the questions I needed to ask without giving something away. So, I was going in prepared to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. "Lights that run off of electricity, wagons that move without touching the ground and without the need of horse. Ships coming in from the stars. I've been here… what? Almost two years now?"

          "You should talk to Varric." Hawke scoffed, "He would love this conversation. Good source material for books."

          I laughed, "You think I'm making this up, don't you?"

          "What do you want?" Her voice was a little cold and she spun to face me entirely.

          "To apologize, and ask a favor."

          "You want something?" She laughed, "From me? What makes you think I'd give you anything?"

          "I'm pregnant." I stated, "Though, from what Fenris told me, you already know." I cast her a sideways look, "I need to know how far along and if you can tell who the father is."

          She covered her mouth and laughed into her hand, "He doesn't know does he?" She asked when she sobered. "Zevran and Solas. No wonder you didn't want to be kept by me and Fenris."

          "Oh no," I shook my head, "trust me if you had been like a month earlier, I would have crawled into bed with you two so fast heads would spin."

          She watched me, "You really do love him don't you?"

          "He's the only one I've ever loved, and trust me there have been enough for at least two lifetimes." I shook my head,

          "I want an answer in return." Hawke watched me closely, "The whole truth."

          I gritted my teeth. People always wanted something in return. "Very well, ask your question."

          "You know things you shouldn't, don't you?"

          My head snapped to her and I watched her with wide eyes. I barely stopped my mouth from flopping open. "Why would you ask that question?"

          "Varric."

          A bitter laugh escaped between my parted lips. "Fuck me sideways I knew the dwarf was more observant than anyone gave him credit." I shook my head, "Yeah, I know things about the past. More than anyone else, the paths could have happened but I don't know which ones were taken. I can guess, from the state of the world, but for certain? That's the difficult part."

          Hawke waited for me to elaborate and I just watched her through hooded eyes. Moments passed like this, her face skeptical. When it became clear that I wasn't going to continue she shook her head.

          "You aren't going to tell me how, are you?"

          "Nope." I gave her a smile, "Now, can you work your magic and tell me what is going on with the pregnancy?"

          Purple overtook her hand and she approached me. Strong fingers dug gently into my stomach. It felt like she was too close. I could feel her breath across my face, but when I took a step back, she followed me. Her eyes glazed over and it was strange having her stare at me but see _through_ me. I kept waiting for her lips to start moving but all that happened was her furrowed brow.

          They pushed together and the corners of her lips pulled down. Her hand pressed deeper into my stomach and I gasped, not from pain but from something inside of me resisting whatever was happening. I felt a tendril of consciousness pull something toward it and panic swept over me.

          I broke her hold, both hands clenched tightly together knocked her hand away from me and I took several steps back while she gathered herself.

          Hawke took several deep breaths and watched me with eyes that hid her thoughts.

          "Well?" I prompted.

          "I don't know." Hawke sounded shaken, "Nothing about your pregnancy is normal. It doesn't make sense." Her hand came up to hold her head and she held up a hand to keep me away from her. "Did you miscarry and get pregnant again?"

          The blood in my veins froze, "Why?" It was a whisper of a whisper.

          "You've been pregnant for months," she accused, "yet they are too small and something is…" she broke off and looked around. I was focused on the word _they_. So… there was more than one. Damnit Cole!

          "They?"

          "Your children aren't following the natural flow of the world." Hawke stated as she suddenly closed the distance between us, "And you're worried about that?"

          "How many?" I repeated forcefully. "And how far along am I?"

          "At least three." Hawke stated, "As for how long? I don't know, something was devouring my magic as it came into contact with you." Her eyes were wide and I saw something deep in them that caused worry to spike inside of me. "What are you?" She took a step back and looked over her shoulder. Her hands clenched at her stomach. My eyes shot wide open, holy shit was she…?

          I took a step forward but she threw up a hand. "What's wrong?" Her panic was causing my stomach to twist and holy shit balls was that not a good thing. "Hawke you are fucking unflappable please don't do this to me."

          "I'm sorry Luna, but I have to go." Hawke spun away from me and disappeared into the night.

          Fingers clutched at my chest, digging into the cloth over my heart. Oh god, what was growing inside of me?

 

I wandered, weeks past as we waited for Cullen's troops to show up. We had soldiers on the walls looking for any sight of a demon horde rushing toward us, scouts placed on Adamant fortress looking for any sign of movement inside its massive walls. It was the quiet before the storm. Everyone knew something was going on and I walked through everything in a daze.

          I pulled away from the others while I tried to work through everything. When I went out, I took Cole, Dorian and Bull. The whole circle was here but these three knew and didn't say anything. At least I think Dorian and Bull knew about… the things inside of me.

          Hawke and Fenris avoided me. Fenris I understood but Hawke? Hawke had seen some shit, lost her entire family. She was one person I thought wasn't going anywhere. But now? She saw me and ducked out of the room or courtyard. Fenris cock blocked me anytime I tried to get closer.

          Solas seemed to sense something was wrong and became more agitated by the day. I felt like I was going insane and there was no one to talk too. I wished for Leliana and her steady comfort. We'd been at odds lately and I wasn't even sure _why_ we were mad at each other.

          The only person I could talk to was Solas but I had gone so long without telling him the truth that it was too hard for me to tell him. I was convinced that as soon as I was done with everything, as soon as I dealt with Erimond and Corypheus that it would be easy to tell him. I stayed silent, watching everyone prepare.

          Until one morning Solas confronted me. Cullen and the Inquisition forces had been spotted. They were two days out.

          "Why have you not told me?" He asked, anger seeping into his tone. My throat clenched.

          "Told you wha-" I flinched as glass shattered on the wall of our room.

          When he turned to face me there was a silver ring around his eyes. "That you are pregnant."

          "Oh."

          "Oh?" Solas seethed, "That is all you have to say?"

          I sat down on the floor and stared at the stone in front of me, "How long have you known?"

          "I am not an imbecile Luna." Solas stood in front of me, his feet wrapped in thick cloth. "You have nothing to say?"

          "You know, what more is there to say?"

          Solas let out a strangled noise that sounded somewhere between a laugh and a scream. "I have said nothing on the subject in the hopes that you would approach me." He squatted down so he could look me in the eye. "And yet you have not. I watched as you walked into danger, repeatedly and have not voiced my concerns. The day you rode away from me in Crestwood was one of the hardest in my long life, and yet _I said nothing_." His nostrils flared and I looked away. His fingers came up and he gripped my chin, pulling me to face him again. "You will not take part in the coming battle."

          I jerked out of his grasp and stood up. He rose with me and we stood chest to chest. How dare he? He knew what this meant to me, it was selfish yes but it was also something that would bring closure. Bring peace to my raging emotions.

          "You don't get to dictate that." I jammed my finger in his chest to finalize my point.

          "The child growing in your stomach is mine as it is yours. I will not see you place it in danger for revenge."

          "Child _ren_." I snapped, "And this isn't about revenge."

          "Oh?" Solas took a step forward, forcing me back one, "Enlighten me, what is it about?"

          Using both hands I shoved him away from me, "Feeling safe you ignorant prick!"

          "Safe from what?!"

          My mouth flopped open and closed several times. Did he really not understand? Did he not see? Or did he believe the brace face I put on for the world? The mask that said I was okay, the voice I used to convince everyone that I was sane, and whole and not on the verge of breaking? I _told_ him, flat out told him. He had to see, had to…

          Maybe I was too good at hiding things. Maybe he didn't see because I didn't let him see. Because I pretended that it didn't happen, because I couldn't face the reality that I had been taken, against my will, _again_ and had unspeakable things done to me. Maybe it was because _I_ couldn't let anyone see weakness. But still… I thought _Solas_ would see.

          I grabbed my bag and started toward the door, "I'm done." Anger was my driving force, the only thing I felt. I thought Solas, of all people, would understand. _Cole_ understood, promised me that if I told him that Solas wouldn't keep me caged. Yet here he was, giving me orders, keeping me from the fight.

          Yeah, I was pregnant. I knew this and still I took part in fights, I was a little more careful and a lot more crazy. I had kids to protect, but I couldn't give up _who_ I was simply because I was eating for… what? Four? Five? I wasn't going to change. This is who I was, for better or for worse.

          I ripped open the door only to have it slammed closed, ripped from my grip. My hand burned and I spun to face Solas.

          "You cannot be serious." He glared at me, "You would put the child-"

          " _Children_." I corrected, "As in _multiple_ you ass."

          He blinked at me, "More than one?" He took a step back and gave me a look that was so much of _him_ that broke my heart. In that moment he looked overjoyed. It was exactly how I pictured his face when I told him. But then he blinked and everything shifted. My heart beat painfully in my chest as he spoke his next words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 45 will go up tomorrow morning. I won't make you wait the whole day. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed!


	45. Selfish and Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! We did it guys! We made it to the end. Well, the end of the first. I have loved every comment, kudo, bookmark, and subscription. It has been an amazing journey and I can't wait to do it again.

Chapter 45

 

"He actually called you selfish?" Ellana asked as we prepared for battle, "Does he even know who you are?"

          I scoffed, "Fuck if I know." These last two days damn near broke my spirit. Solas was still pissed and we weren't speaking to each other. He couldn't even stand to look at me. It was Hawke all over again. Except he didn't leave the room, he just studiously ignored me.

          Tomen and Emma were in the room, they came with the rest of our forces. Amara was left with Josephine who was overseeing her political lessons. From what I understood Leliana left behind only those she trusted completely. She had become important to all of us when I wasn't looking.

          "He'll come around," Emma promised. Her hand resting on my shoulder. She gave me an encouraging smile.

          Tomen was just angry, "Guess I'll have to watch your back."

          I laughed, "If you can keep up."

          Someone knocked on the door, when it opened Leliana walked through. "May I have a word, Luna?"

          My jaw clenched. I wanted a friend, not another fight. "Yeah." I started toward the door but Ellana spoke up.

          "You can have the room," she waved a hand at Tomen and Emma. "I have to talk to Cullen about battle strategy." The three of them filed out of the room.

          I pushed a finger against my eyebrow, rubbing the hair the wrong direction. We stood in silence for a long time until I lifted my head to look at her. "How can I help you?"

          "Solas is an ass." She stated, "And a fool." I blinked at her and cocked my head. "I want you to watch over Ellana today, and I want both of you to come back."

          "Obviously." I snorted, "I wasn't going to just kick her into the wind while I-"

          "Went after Livius Erimond?" Leliana broke in, "Yes, I am aware he is here. I know what it means to you to end him."

          I laughed, head thrown back shoulders shaking. _Leliana_ understood, but not Solas. Of course she did. Leliana had been through hell and was standing tall in front of me.

          "The Empress gave you something, didn't she?" Leliana asked suddenly, completely changing the subject. I finished braiding what little was left of my hair and nodded.

          "It is why I kept her alive."

          "Was it worth her life?"

          "Peace of mind always is." I dug into my pack and pulled out the Omni-tool. I slipped it onto my wrist. With a couple swipes of my fingers I pulled up the last log and let her watch it.

          Her eyes were wide when I slipped it off again. "What was that creature?"

          "A Krogan." I stated simply, "And they mounted his head at the Winter Palace." The tool went stayed on my arm and I held the bag out to her. "Here, I can't watch this during the battle and it will save a scout from having to go get it for you."

          Leliana chuckled and took it from me, "How considerate."

          "Well, I know I've been put on your watch list-"

          "You always were." Leliana corrected, "How could anyone in my position not watch you? Luna you are a force to be reckoned with." Her face grew thoughtful, "I never told you, but if you were pitted against us I don't know how we would stop you. The things you can do, your knowledge of this world."

          I shook my head, "You can do the impossible Leliana." I gave her a rueful smile, "You forget that I know about your past, about what you fought against."

          "I never forgot." Leliana walked toward me and held out a dagger, "Someone mentioned that you lost yours in a fight against a dragon."

          A smile slipped over my face, "Why were we arguing again?" I looked up at her and she looked a little sad.

          "A slight disagreement," Leliana waved a hand. Someone sounded a battle horn, "Stay alive, Luna."

          I ducked my head and left the room. Right, well that was awkward. I trotted down the stairs and into the courtyard. A soldier had Bread saddled and ready to go. All we needed was to get to Adamant fortress. We'd be there by nightfall, and tomorrow I'd be a free woman. Free from fear, free from despair, free from everything.

 

I underestimated how large our forces were. We had at least three thousand strong. I didn't know how many Gray Wardens were in that massive fortress but I was going to find out.

          The inner circle stood at the fore of army. All of us silent. Gypsy stood next to me, panting heavily. Dorian took pity on her and cast a cold spell earlier this morning. Vivienne had joined us a week prior but in my pique I hadn't spoken to her. She did not seek me out either. From the red in her eyes, her errand had not gone according to plan.

          Ellana moved Spirit, her horse, over to mine. She watched me for a long moment before she spoke, "Want to do something about those doors?"

          I gave her a feral smile. "I thought you'd never ask."

          Bread twisted under me as I slid out of his saddle. I flicked the reigns up to Ellana and cracked my neck. I took a deep breath, willing my nerves to settle. It was always like this before a battle on this scale. I was a nervous wreck when we fought Sovereign.

          I threw my hands out before me; biotic blue swirled around my hands, traveling up my wrists to end near my elbow. My entire being was focused on the massive reinforced wooden doors in front of me. They jutted up into the sky, at least four stories high.

          Metal screamed and wood groaned. My hands ripped back toward me and the gates exploded. A roar started up behind me. The troops were screaming in victory. A volley of arrows darkened the sky.

          "Luna!" Cullen screamed and I threw up a hand. Thank god I carb loaded before this battle. A bright blue barrier flew up around me. I dropped to a knee, screaming as I forced it away from me. Willed it to be larger, to hold us all. My other hand flew up and I stood as I felt something inside of me snap. Like my mental blocks had been broken.

          Arrows littered the ground around us.

          I didn't think I could do it again. "Move!" I barked. Gypsy was suddenly beside me. She flipped me up onto her back and I gripped her fur. I was the first through the gate.

          Gypsy jumped for the first demon that passed us. I bailed off of her back, tucking and rolling. Rubble littered the ground. I lifted everything I could and hurled it at anyone that was around. It wasn't long before the rest of the Inquisition came rushing through the gates.

          "You have your way in," Cullen was looking at Ellana. Bull rushed past me, slicing into a Gray Warden that threatened to take back the gates. "We'll occupy the bulk of the demons while you get-"

          I shoved Ellana out of the way. A demon skittered atop the wall. It hissed at me and I lifted a boulder, flinging it in its direction.

          "There are too many demons on the battlements!" Cullen shouted as our forces started past us, "Hawke is up there but she needs support. Alistair will cover your back. Get to her and secure the wall."

          Ellana looked around, "You heard him!" She looked at me next and nodded. We'd gone over the strategy but it was shot to shit in this moment.

          "Pick two!" I shouted over the din and gestured to our friends around us. She pointed to Bull and Cole. I nodded and pulled them toward us. "You're with us!" I explained at Bull's wigged out face, "You'll be fine, just close your eyes and clench your ass!"

          He was first, before he chickened out or figured out what I was doing. Before he said anything, I surrounded him with my mass effect field and threw him up onto the wall. Cole flashed up beside him. I forgot he could do that. Bull flipped me the finger before he disappeared.

          "Will it hurt?" I laughed at Ellana and tossed her up next. She let out a little squeal as she flew through the air. She hit the ground and rolled out of my line of sight. Gypsy was next.

          Someone grabbed my arm. I moved on instinct. Twisting I grabbed their hand and broke their hold before bending their hand at the wrist, my other hand seconds from slamming throw into their stomach. Solas stood there and watched me with cold eyes.

          "Don't do this."

          "I have to." I stated, "I wouldn't be me if I didn't."

          "You aren't who I thought you were."

          My heart clenched, "No, I'm just not what you want me to be. I'm sorry things turned out this way." I gave him a sad smile, "I'll see you on the other side." I dropped his hand and pushed off of the ground. My field of view shifted as I vaulted up onto the battlements.

          "Luna!" He sounded angry down there, but I didn't have time for this. I needed to get my eyes on Ellana.

          I let my primal instincts fly, dropping everything that tied me to civilization. This was war, plain and simple. I needed my sixth sense to kick in, to protect me and those that I had come to call friend. I'd get through this, we'd put Corypheus down and then I'd be a mother of whatever came out of me. Simple right?

          Things are rarely so simple.

          I found my group shoving their way through demons. Bull was a god send, ramming his sword into anything and everything that wasn't supposed to be on this plane of existence. When I joined them, I watched Ellana lift her shield and slam it into a rage demon. Terror clawed up out of the ground, but Cole took care of that one.

          Some part of me was elated. This is what I did. I fought for life, grabbing it with both hands.

          It felt like seconds later when we stumbled across Hawke. She looked at me and her eyes narrowed.

          "Keep them busy!" She shouted.

          "Yes ma'am!" I drop kicked a demon over the side of the wall.

          "You forgot about me!" Alistair complained as he came skidding into our little bubble. "How could you forget about me?"

          "I don't know how I could ever forget about those delightful little dimples." I chirped. Ellana giggled next to me before running a demon through. Cole never sat still, he just flashed all over with his daggers. Once second he was here, the next he was digging his blades into anything that moved and wasn't wearing warden colors.

          Hawke got our people up onto the wall setting the first dozen to watch over the ladder while our forces climbed up.

          A group of Gray Wardens charged us. I threw up a barrier and shoved Alistair into the front. Ellana must have followed my line of thought because she started to speak, "We have no intention of fighting you!" She yelled at them. "We are here because you are being misled."

          "Their telling the truth!" Alistair stated quickly, "Warden-Commander Clarel has been lied to by Erimond. He is planning on enslaving you for Corypheus, not end the blights."

          "Ellana, we are out of time." I was looking behind us, there on the horizon was a massive creature. "Tell me that isn't what I think it is."

          Hawke turned around and her eyes went wide. "Dragon," she breathed.

          "Fucking wonderful." I snarled. It was headed straight for us and I knew, just _knew_ that it was the one that belonged to Corypheus. "We need to move!" I shoved Hawke in front of me, "Gypsy, let's go!"

          Ellana and the others scrambled after me and Hawke. "Get to cover!" Ellana shouted at the Wardens.

          It was upon us before we could get very far. Dragons are, apparently, very fast. Bull roared and turned to face it. I hit him with throw, causing him to skid back several feet.

          "Move!" I barked as I threw up another hand to block the corrupted breath of fire that leaked from between wide jaws. "Gypsy go!" She growled at me and took a step forward, "Go!" I screamed, "Follow Ellana!"

          The dragon swatted at my barrier. Gypsy let out a whine before Ellana called her name. She spun and ran after the Inquisitor.

          "Luna!" Ellana called, "Let's go!"

          "I'll hold it off, get to Clarel! It's the only way." I gathered everything I had and launched it at the dragon. "Go!" I shouted as I ran toward the beast. Everything inside of me was screaming I had to hold it here. To be a pest until everything was settled.

          "Damnit!" I heard Ellana scream but when I looked from behind cover, she was gone. I heaved a sigh of relief that was short lived. The dragon was pissed at me. Fire washed over my rock and I let out a scream of terror as I threw up a barrier.

          What the hell had I been thinking?

          I dodged out from behind my cover and peppered her hide with reave. The energy that swirled into me invigorated me but almost dropped me to my knees. I could feel the taint in the essence I stole from her. With a scream I spun it and tossed it right back at her.

          It became a dance and I lost track of how long I held her there. The two of us battled, forgetting the outside world. I was covered in burns and blood that dripped from her myriad of wounds I left on her side.

          An arrow flew through the air, stirring the hair that fell from its binding. Looking behind me I saw Leliana standing there. My throat clenched. I wasn't alone.

          "We need to get out of here." Leliana yelled as she rushed over to me. The dragon took off, her large wings beating to lift her into the air.

          "No!" I screamed and tried to pull it back down, but it washed over her without effect. "I was supposed to keep it here." I looked at Leliana with fear in my eyes. "It wasn't after me."

          Leliana understood, "You need healing."

          "I'm fine," I waved a hand and pushed her away. "I have to get to Ellana."

          "Luna you're dead on your feet." Leliana stated harshly, "You'll do no one any good if you don't take care of yourself first."

          "Fuck!" I screamed, "I don't have time!"

          I charged forward, the world rushing by as I spun down corridors and ramparts looking for Ellana. The dragon was circling overhead and I struggled to keep her in my view. She seemed focused on one area. I crawled over anything and everything in my path. It had been a long time since I unleashed everything I was with little thought or care for those around me.

          Ellana was up there, and she needed to be protected. Not to mention that where ever Clarel was Erimond was sure to be. That thought alone pushed me forward. Anger renewing my sapped strength.

          I caught sight of Ellana running after Clarel, shouting after her.

          "Ellana!" I screamed, trying to get her attention. The dragon was closing in. Tunnel vision kicked in and I shoved my way through the crowd that was gathered in the courtyard. "Ellana!"

          Gypsy heard me, stopping dead in her tracks to spin and look at me. She bolted toward me. A ripple of unease shot through the crowd and the Wardens scattered as she bulldozed her way to me.

          I jumped on her back, "We have to get to Ellana," I wasn't even finished talking before my wolf ran the way she had come from seconds before. I could feel my muscles willing me to lie down; pulling me toward the ground. I hissed and slapped myself across the face. I couldn't pass out now. Not yet.

          We tore after Ellana, always chasing her around the next corner. I continued to scream her name. The dragon found her, and every mighty roar the dragon let out blocked the sound of my voice. Ellana slashed at it when it drew close. Bull covered her and Cole flashed around. They were right there and I couldn't reach them.

          Finally, _finally_ I caught up to them. Clarel was on her back, near death when the dragon swooped overhead. Clarel let out an enraged scream, shoving her staff upward and the dragon was thrown free of what would have been a death stroke for Ellana. The breath I hadn't known I was holding slammed out of me.

          And then the ground crumbled.

          "Ellana!" I screamed as I bolted forward, biotics reaching out. But the stone made it impossible for me to get a hold of her or any other living being that was falling. "Ellana!" My throat was hoarse. An arm grabbed me and threw me backward. When I looked up Solas was standing there, his face as pale as mine.

          "You're alive," he breathed.

          "Damn it!" I shoved him out of the way and stared into the void that swallowed up the Inquisitor. Spinning I glared at Solas, "Why did you stop me?"

          "I will not allow you to endanger your life, or that of our children."

          I laughed and threw out my arms. "You don't control me, no one does." Gypsy came over to me and I propped myself up. This was one I didn't think Ellana was coming back from.

          Someone laughed in the corner. I pushed off of my wolf and spun to look at the person. He was in white, but it wasn't white anymore. It was covered in blood. He was dying.

          "And you are?" I snarled, "Just die."

          "You cannot stop him," the man stated. "Corypheus will become a God."

          "Let me guess," I took a step forward, "you are none other than Livius Erimond."

          "My reputation proceeds me," he coughed, spitting up blood. "And you are?"

          "No one." I growled, my hand flashed up and when I brought it back down, I pulled a chunk of the wall. It landed on him, sending blood flying everywhere.

          I started forward but I didn't make it very far. My legs collapsed out from under me, sending me crashing to the ground. I rolled over onto my side.

          What had I done? Was this my fault? Was this world destined to take a different path but because of my very presence everything shifted?

 

"Will you speak with me now?" Solas asks impatiently. I let out a laugh.

          "Oh yes, because _I'm_ the one who has been ignoring the other for three days." I snapped.

          "Erimond is dead, are you satisfied?" He continued without paying attention to my words.

          "Sat-" I broke off spun to look at him. "Satisfied?! Am I satisfied?!" My arms flew out to the side, "No Solas I am not _satisfied_!" Something next to me slid a couple feet before slamming into a broken bit of the fortress. "Did I get my closure? No! I didn't. I am still vulnerable and the freaking cherry on top? Ellana _fell_ through a _hole_ in the god damned _world_ into oblivion for all we know."

          Leliana dispatched scouts to the location where she fell. We had yet to receive any good news. I flinched at the sound of my own voice and the pain in my throat. Gypsy lay nearby, her watchful eyes following me. I think she was mad at me for making her go with Ellana.

          "Luna," Leliana stated, "no one blames you for what happened-"

          "Why?" I snarled, "They should! I was supposed to _watch_ her. The dragon was supposed to be fighting _me_ , not running after our Inquisitor."

          Emma set an overflowing plate of food in front of me. "Eat." She demanded.

          It tasted like ash in my mouth but I shoveled it down. My muscles were throbbing from all the exertion. Vivienne stepped forward with her nasty ass tea and I gulped it down, it scalded my throat. I didn't know which felt worse, shouting myself hoarse or the taste of that tea going down an already messed up throat.

          Solas was leaning against a wall watching me with hooded eyes. I could tell he was still pissed. Well, good for him. So was I. Logic wasn't even trying to force me to see from his perspective, _that_ is how pissed I was.

          Dorian sat next to me, his eyes distant and far away. I sighed and leaned into him. He automatically wrapped an arm around me. Varric was looking at me with new eyes and I wonder if Hawke spilled what I told her. I hadn't specified that it was supposed to stay between us and Varric was her best friend.

          Fenris was a mad dog snapping at his leash. Snapping at everyone really and I couldn't blame him. He glared at me and when he went to approach Solas stood in his way. I lifted a brow and pointed to a spot next to me. Fenris was allowed to rage. Fuck _I_ wanted to rage but with Ellana MIA I was in charge and leaders didn't rage.

          So I probably should have kept my fucking mouth shut earlier but whatever, it was done and so help me-

          "This is your-"

          "I fucking know." I snapped, "Shut up and sit there like a pretty wolf. I'm waiting in agony _just_ like you."

          "How could you let-"

          "I didn't _let_ anything." I snapped again. Fenris screwed up his mouth and glared at me. I set down whatever I had been shoving down my throat and turned to look at him. "I'm only going to say this once, so listen very closely." I watched him and his scowl darkened, which was a feat for him. Damn. "I'm sorry," my voice softened. "I know… I know she was pregnant too. I can't even imagine what you're-" my throat closed and it was several moments before I could speak again. Fenris was two shades lighter.

          "She is pregnant?"

          "Oh fuck." I tucked my head and turned back to my plate. Son of a bitch!

          "You're pregnant?!" Came from my other side and I winced again.

          "Double fuck." I looked at Dorian and gave him an innocent smile, "Yeah?"

          He huffed and walked away from me. Triple fuck.

          "I just can't do anything right lately."

          Fenris just sat there and stared off into nothing.

          Three things happened all at once.

          One, a rift exploded open.

          Two, something _popped_ the fuck out of the rift, knocking me and my plate of half-eaten food over.

          Three… well… addition to two. That _something_ was Ellana and three other people.

          Four? No, three, definitely three. I jumped to my feet and waited for Hawke to bounce through. When Ellana stood and started to close it Fenris let out a strangled scream.

          I had seconds, _seconds_ to act. So I did the only thing I could think of.

          I jumped through to the sound of Solas screaming: "Do not!"

 

I was in deep, deep doo doo. Things were upside down, giant—and I mean _giant_ —centipedes were crawling everywhere and shit on a stick it was _green_. The water was green, the ground was black and green and in the distance was the GD Black City.

          Ellana had stopped whatever she was doing because the rift was still open.

          Hawke screamed in pain and I ran forward, grateful for Emma and carb loading me up again. Though the food was sitting like lead in my stomach.

          "Hawke!" I screamed as I slid down the side of a jagged hill. Pain lanced up my leg followed swiftly by the warmth of blood. "We need to get you out of here!"

          "Damnit Luna!" Hawke screamed right back at me, "You can't even let a woman sacrifice herself for the greater good?"

          I threw up a barrier around us, "Not on my watch." My mass effect field surrounded her. She struggled as I lifted her up into the air. Once she was lined up I smacked her with _throw_ and shot her through the rift. "I'm not even supposed to be here anyway!"

          Hawke screamed my name as she disappeared and something like relief washed over me. Everyone was home, everyone was safe.

          Except for me.

          I spun to face the demon. I didn't even know what it was.

          "What are you?" It clicked at me. It was a giant spider with over eight legs and like… I don't even want to know how many eyes. Chills ran up my spine.

          "None of your business." I snapped. I felt something touching my mind, looking for a way in.

          "How unusual. You do not belong here?" The demon continued to poke and prod at me. "Do not belong indeed. Tell me, what are your nightmares? Your fears?"

          "Your ugly mug." I stated as I backed away. There was nowhere for me to go. The thing was blocking the rift completely and if Ellana had any brains she would just snap it closed forever.

          This demon was massive. And if it was this big, I was willing to bet it was strong. Stronger than me. Which isn't how someone was supposed to think in the fade because it had this stupid knack of making things take that route despite what was actually true.

          Hey, at least Desire hadn't shown up yet. Which was probably also stupid to think because… well yeah.

          "No," its mandibles clicked together and it took one large step toward me. Oh shit, oh fuck. I didn't want this, _at all_. But I was the dumb-dumb who jumped through the portal and, "Son of a bitch, _personal space mother fucker_!" I screamed at it.

          Which caused it to take another step forward.

          "Yes," it clicked at me, "you are afraid of something."

          "Not you," I snarked and almost slapped a hand over my mouth. Fuck me running sideways, backwards, _down a hill_ that was stupid.

          At least I was flying solo and couldn't get anyone else killed.

          "Not an elf, not a human." It took another giant step and I all but skittered back to keep it from touching me, "What are you?"

          Not a human? But… yeah, I was. I was born on _Earth_ what else could I be?

          "Am too!" I shouted belligerently.

          And then the whispers started.

          "What's this?" Its voice turned sharp, "Who else is with you?!"

          "No one!"

          "Do not lie to me!" It roared, "Have I not given you hospitality?"

          The whispers continued, soft, quiet. At the edge of my hearing. I could almost make out the sound.

          What scared the shit out of me was when something else, something _out there_ answered.

          The voice, masculine by nature, " **She would serve me.** "

          "Uh… hello?" I didn't like this conversation, I was the only _she_ here.

          The whispers started up again.

          "No! _No_!" I screamed, "No whispers! No dice!"

          " **The bargain has been struck**."

          Searing pain ensconced me. Something was burning its way across my chest, across my face, across my very soul. An idea, no a _demand_ wrote itself into my very mind. Promising the world if I completed the task, damning everything I ever loved if I failed.

          My body twisted sideways and I felt like I was being shoved through a tube of toothpaste, squeezed into a space too small for me.

          I remembered falling, seeing blackness and then I woke up.

          And when I did I was somewhere cold. Very cold. Snow covered the ground, tall trees jutted up out of the ground and when I looked around I saw something that stopped my heart entirely.

          Dwemer ruins. That's right.

          "I don't think we're in Kansas anymore Toto."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun DUn DUN! 
> 
> There will be a second story. When? I dunno, I'm still working on the first chapter and not making the dragon born a creep. Which it turns out is difficult so he might just be a creep.


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